Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963): Season 5, Episode 4 - Beaver's Birthday - full transcript

At breakfast, Ward and June convince Beaver to bank his birthday money instead of buying the model race car he really wants; but when Uncle Billy's ten dollar cash gift arrives in the mail later in the day, sneaky friend Gilbert urges Beaver to keep the money a secret and use it to buy the car.

Starring...

and...

Yeah, what is it dear?

Honey, would you mind putting
these back out in the garage for me?

I just got them out of
the garage this morning.

I thought Beaver was having
a birthday party Saturday.

Well, when he saw
the favor and hats,

he decided he was too
big to have a birthday party.

Oh, well, I was sort
of looking forward

to having a bunch of his friends

drip their ice
cream on our carpet



and spill their punch
on our furniture.

Well, I'm afraid you're gonna
have to do without that from now on.

Beaver says birthday
parties are kids' stuff.

Oh. Well, I suppose
if he's outgrown

ice cream and cake,
he's outgrown toys, too.

Maybe we could give him something
sensible this year, like clothes.

He needs a new suit.

No, I don't think we should
give him anything that sensible.

Remember last year,
we gave him a sport jacket

and spoiled his whole birthday.

Hey, you think I need a haircut?

Have Mom and Dad been
yelling at you to get one?

No, they haven't said anything.

Then you don't need one.



Hey, Wally, do you think
they will or they won't?

Who will or won't what?

Do you think Mom and Dad

will forget my
birthday's tomorrow?

Well, if they do, you know,
it's your own your own fault.

You had to go and say
you were too old for a party.

I said I was too
old for a party,

but I didn't say I was
too old for presents.

Aw, Mom and Dad can't get
away with not giving you anything.

I don't know.

I got a funny feeling in my stomach
that I'm not gonna get anything.

When did you get that?

When I looked in the
closet where they hide stuff.

There was nothing there.

Beaver, you shouldn't
go snooping around.

Oh, I wasn't snooping.

You just told me you
were looking in the closet.

Well, sure, but there
was nothing there.

If I'd have found something,
then I would've been snooping.

Hey, Wally,

you're gonna give me
something, aren't you?

Oh, I suppose so.

Well, how about
giving it to me now?

No, I'll give it to
you tomorrow.

Why should I be nice
to you before I have to?

I hope Dad comes
through with what I want.

Well, how does he
know what you want?

Oh, it's this model car
with a real gasoline engine.

I accidentally left this
catalog on his desk all week.

Yeah, but remember last year,
when you wanted that baseball glove?

You left a sporting
goods catalog on his desk,

and he bought
himself a new golf club.

Good morning, Mom.

Well, my goodness, you're
up nice and early this morning.

Yeah, I figured this morning would
be a nice day to get up nice and early.

Well, I'm glad to hear it.

I think it's nice to be
up and around early.

- Uh, Mom?
- Yes, Beaver?

Mom, you do know today's
my birthday, don't you?

Oh, yes, yes. I'm aware of that.

But, uh, I thought you didn't
want us to make a fuss about it.

I said that?

Well, you said you
didn't wanna have a party.

Yeah, but that's all I
said I didn't wanna have.

Beaver, if you're worried
about your birthday present,

we're just waiting until
your father comes down

so he can enjoy it, too.

Oh, that's okay, Mom. I wasn't
hinting around or anything.

Oh, I know you weren't.

- Oh, hi, Mom. Hi, Beav.
- Hi, Wally.

Good morning, Wally.

We're just waiting for
Dad to come around

so he can get a charge
out of my presents, too.

Oh. You know, Mom,

Beaver was all
worried last night

that you and Dad were
gonna mess up his birthday.

Beaver, I think you're
gonna be real happy

when you see what
your father has for you.

No fooling, Mom?

Oh, good morning, Beaver.

Good morning, Dad.

Happy birthday.

Thanks, Dad.

Oh, here's a little something
from your mother and me.

Hey, how little
of something is it?

"Theodore Cleaver, $10."

Your father and I knew you
were getting too big for toys,

and so we thought this
would be a more practical gift.

Gee, thanks a lot.

Oh, Beaver,

here's some letters that
came for you... birthday cards.

Aunt Martha.

Gee, she sent me $3.

Boy, that's a lot better than the
umbrella she sent me last year.

That was thoughtful.

And here's a card from Aunt Mary

with a check in it... for $5.

Hey, you're raking it in.

Boy, $2 from Cousin Ronnie.

Am I loaded.

Hey, what happened
to Uncle Billy?

He usually kicks
through with ten bucks.

Wally, now, that's not nice.

Oh. I'm sorry, Mom.

He usually kicks
through with $10.

Here, Beav. This is from me.

Gee, thanks, Wally.

Boy, two brand-new dollars.

Yeah. I traded two
dirty ones at the bank.

Boy, this is the most money
I ever had in my whole life.

And tonight, I thought we'd
have ice cream and cake.

That is, if you can
put up with it, Beaver.

Oh, yeah, Mom. I'm sure I can.

Well, Beaver, looks like all of the
relatives feel you've outgrown toys, too.

Boy, Beaver, $22.
You did all right.

Yeah. Now I can go out
and buy a whole lot of junk.

Beaver, before you go out

and buy a whole
lot of junk right away,

you know what I'd do with
that money if I were you?

Oh. You're gonna make
me put it in the bank?

I'm not going to make
you put it in the bank.

You're old enough to
make your own decisions.

But I'll tell you one thing. If you
do put the money in the bank,

one of these days, when you really want
something, you'll have the money for it.

Don't you think that's
a good idea, June?

Oh, I certainly do.

What do you think, Wally?

Well, gee, no matter what I say,

I'm gonna get
somebody mad at me.

Hey, Wally, now there's
nobody here but us.

What do you really think I
oughta do with the money?

Well, look, Beaver,

I'm not trying to be an adult
and ruin your birthday or anything,

but I think you oughta
put the money in the bank.

Gee, I never thought

my own brother would
turn on me like that.

Look, Beaver,

I've been through
the same thing.

That's the safest thing to do.

Suppose you blow all the money on
the racing car and some other junk,

and then when you come to
Dad and ask him for some money,

what's he gonna say?

- Gee, I don't know.
- He's gonna say, uh,

"Well, look, son, if you had put
your birthday money in the bank,

then you wouldn't have to
come to me, begging money now."

Gee, that's almost
just the way he talks.

Sure. And if you put
the money in the bank,

he's gonna say, "Well,
son, you're really growing up.

"You're showing a
lot of responsibility,

and your mother and I are very
proud of you, and we think that"...

That's enough, Wally.

I can see this is one of those
things where you can't win.

You mean you didn't
get any presents at all?

No, just crummy money.

Money's not so crummy.

It is when you gotta
stick it in the bank.

I know. I had to put my
Christmas money in the bank.

They said I'll get my bank
book with my own name on it.

I already got a bank book
with my own name on it.

Sure. But if you look inside,
you'll see your pop's name

right under your name to
keep you from having fun with it.

Maybe I'll get the
model for Christmas.

It's too bad you're
not gonna get it now.

I wanted to have some fun
with it before you wrecked it.

Mom! Hey, Mom!

I guess nobody's home.

Hey, let's do something
we're not supposed to.

Like what?

Well, let's go sit
in your living room.

My parents don't care if
we sit in the living room.

Oh. Then that's no fun.

Hey, look!

Someone must've
shoved it under your door.

- What is it?
- It says,
"Mr. Theodore Cleaver."

Hey, that's me.

It says they delivered
a registered letter,

but there was nobody here,

so they took it back
to the post office,

and we're supposed to go get it.

Must be a mistake. No kid
ever got a registered letter.

Well, it's gotta be for me. I'm the only
Theodore Cleaver in the whole house.

Hey, maybe it's a present.

Let's go down to the post
office and see what it is.

Okay.

I just hope they don't
hit us or anything.

- Oh, hi, Mom.
- Hi, Wally.

I just got back from shopping.

Have you seen your brother?

Why? Did he do something wrong?

No.

Oh. Then I think he
went over to Gilbert's.

Oh. Well, he must've
been home here,

'cause I found his hat on
the hall table when I came in.

Oh, maybe he was messing
around over at Gilbert's,

and then they told them to come
over here and bother us for a while.

Wally, is Beaver unhappy about
putting his birthday money in the bank?

Well, I wouldn't say

he's exactly the
happiest kid in the world,

but, well, I told
him enough stuff,

so I don't think he'll do too
much screaming about it.

I just wish Beaver
would realize that we only

tell him these things
for his own good.

Well, don't worry too much, Mom.

Maybe when the Beaver's 30
or 40, he'll stop acting like a kid.

I have a notice for
a registered letter.

Registered mail.

"Mr. Theodore Cleaver."
Is that your father?

Oh, no, sir. That's me.

He doesn't look like a
mister, but that's him.

Well, Mr. Theodore Cleaver,
do you have any identification?

Identification?

Something with your name on it.

Oh, just my underwear.

My mom sewed it on
when I went to camp.

Yes. I mean, do you have
anything a little handier?

Oh, this is Beaver, all right.

I've known him for
the second grade.

"Beaver"?

That's short for "Theodore."

Now could I please
have my letter?

Here we are.

What is your address, Theodore?

211 Pine Avenue.

And do you know a
William R. Cleaver?

Oh, yes, sir. That's
my Uncle Billy,

and he lives in Chicago, and he
once caught a thousand-pound fish.

Well, I guess this is your
letter, all right, young fella.

Would you mind
signing right there?

If you don't have a pen,
he could spit on a pencil.

Oh, that won't be necessary.

Here you are.

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

"Happy birthday, Beaver.

"Rather than send you
something that you couldn't use,

"I thought I'd send you money so you
could buy something that you really wanted.

Uncle Billy."

Boy, Beaver, that's neat.

Come on. Now you can get that
model with the gasoline engine.

Gee, I don't know,
Gilbert. I think if I spent $10

without telling my parents,
they'd be mad at me.

But if you don't spend it, your
Uncle Billy's gonna be mad at you.

You don't want your whole
family mad at you, do you?

Gee, I think this is one of
those things I'd better think over.

Boy, Beaver, I just
can't figure you out.

Sometimes you don't
act like a kid at all.

I can't understand the Beaver's
not coming home for lunch.

Maybe he's bumming
a free meal off Gilbert.

He could've at least phoned.

Gee, Dad, I don't think he'd ask
to use the phone over at Gilbert's.

Gilbert's dad is
kind of a crank.

I think he'd rather have
you yell at him for not calling

than have Gilbert's dad
yell at him for calling.

I must remind Beaver to write "thank
you" notes for his birthday money tonight.

Hey, I could write
them for him, Mom.

We learned all that
etiquette junk in school.

Last week, we learned how
to write a wedding invitation.

Well, now, that might
come in handy sometime.

Yeah, I guess so. You know
what Eddie Haskell said?

He said that when
you get married,

you can throw a
whole big wedding,

and stick the girl's
parents with the bill.

That's just an
old custom, Wally.

Boy, we really
could've killed you

if me and the Beaver
had been girls, huh, Dad?

Well, I won't say you're not
wounding me a little as it is.

Ward, you be sure and speak to
the Beaver when he comes home.

He shouldn't stay out for lunch
like this without letting us know.

Sure, Dad. And
if you're not here,

I can yell at the
Beaver for you.

Thank you, Wally.

Hey, Gilbert, how come you
wanted to walk home this way

instead of on Grand Avenue?

I don't know. We always
go by Grand Avenue.

Gee! How do you
like that, Beaver?

There's the model store!

Yeah. How do you like that?

Hey, Beav, that's the kind of
car you wanted to buy, isn't it?

Yeah, that's the kind.

Hey, you wanna go
inside and look at it?

What for? I'm not gonna buy it.

Well, we could go
inside and look at stuff,

and if the guy
tells us to beat it,

you can show him the $10,

and he'll have to be nice to us.

Well, okay.

I guess we can
go in and look at it.

But remember, I'm not buying
anything until I talk to my father.

Boy, Beaver, that's the
neatest racing car I ever saw.

Hey, and you even have
enough money left over

to get some sodas.

Gee, Gilbert, I
didn't mean to buy it.

It just happened on me.

Let's take it over to my
house and run it for a while.

Yeah, I guess we could.
But when I get home,

what am I gonna tell my father?

How do I know? You're the
one that bought the racing car.

But he's gonna see it, and he's
gonna say, "Where'd you get that?"

And when I tell him,
there's gonna be big trouble.

Tell him I gave it to you.

No, I'd be scared to
tell a big lie like that.

Here. You don't have
to. Give me the package.

Now, this is the
race car, isn't it?

Yeah.

Here.

Now I gave it to you.

Now all you have
to tell your dad

is "Gilbert gave it to
me," and it's not a lie.

Well, no... But maybe
he'll never see it,

and then I won't have
to tell him anything.

Yeah, sure. Now come on.

Let's go over to
my house and run it.

Yeah.

But you know something?

I wish we'd have walked
home on Grand Avenue.

Is that you, Beaver?

Uh, yes, Dad.

I wanna see you, Beaver.

Um, could I go to
my room first, Dad?

No. I want to see you right now.

Beaver!

Hi, Dad.

Beaver, you didn't
come home for lunch.

Oh, well, no, sir. I
ate over at Gilbert's.

Well, don't you ever
do that again, son,

without phoning home.

- Yes, sir.
- What's this?

Oh, it's a racing car.

Well, where'd you get it?

Um, Gilbert gave it to me.

Oh. A birthday present?

Well, he gave it to me today,
and today is my birthday.

Well, that's quite a nice gift.

- Must've cost around $10.
- Well, 9.38.

You mean he gave you a gift

and then told you
how much it cost?

Uh, no, sir.

I already knew how much it cost

from looking at it in the store.

There you are, Beaver.

Now, look, Beaver, if you're
gonna stay out like this...

- Dad already told me, Mom.
- Oh.

And, Beaver, after supper,
I want you to go upstairs

and write some thank you
notes for your birthday presents.

Yes, Mom.

What was the car Beaver had?

It was a birthday
present from Gilbert.

- Quite expensive, too.
- Oh.

Well, we must remember that

and get Gilbert a nice
one on his birthday.

- Hi, Wally.
- Oh, hi, Beav.

Hey, the race car.
Where'd you get it?

Gilbert gave it to me.

Aw, don't give me that bunk.

How do you know it's bunk?

Well, in the first place,
Gilbert's too cheap

to give you anything like
that, and in the second place,

that's the same car you've been
yapping about for the past week,

and in the third place, look
at that look on your face.

- What look on my face?
- It's the same look
you used to have

when you'd hide your Brussels
sprouts under the sofa cushion.

Well, I guess I
can tell you, Wally,

if you promise not to rat on me.

Look, I'm not gonna rat on you.

Not unless you're gonna
blow up the world or something.

Well, I bought it

with the birthday money
Uncle Billy sent me.

- He sent you money?
- Yeah. $10.

It came registered
mail, and Gilbert and I

went down and picked
it up at the post office.

And Uncle Billy said I should
buy something I wanted.

Do you think Dad's gonna be mad?

Well, I don't think he'll be mad
at you for buying something,

but he's gonna be mad at you

for being so sneaky and
not telling him about it.

That's exactly
what I told Gilbert.

Boy, I wish I would've
listened to myself.

I'll take these up
to the boys' room.

Honey,

that picture never goes on
the shelf with those plates.

- Why not?
- Well, it's just never
put there, that's all.

You know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna put it there anyway.

Don't you dare.

- Oh, hi, Beav.
- Hi, Mom.

You're not forgetting to write
your thank you notes, are you?

Oh, no. I just came down to check
the spelling of a word in the dictionary.

Oh, well, why
didn't you ask Wally?

I did, but he told me to dry
up and stop bothering him.

Oh.

Wally, why couldn't
you have helped Beaver

with his spelling?

Oh, well, gee, Mom,
I'm studying Spanish,

and if I talk about
English words,

I get all mixed up.

Well, how's he doing
with his thank you notes?

Oh, okay, I guess.

Hmm. Well, that's funny.

What?

Well, Beaver only
got five presents,

and he's writing six notes.

Yeah, well, maybe he made
some sort of a mistake or something.

Uncle Billy.

He's writing one to Uncle Billy.

Gee, Mom, I'm studying Spanish.

I don't even want
to think in English.

Well, Beaver, I see you've
been writing your thank you note.

- I'm glad you got right on it.
- Yes, Mom.

But there's one here I
don't quite understand...

- The one to Uncle Billy.
- Uncle Billy?

Yes. You didn't get a
present from him this year.

Well, you know how Uncle
Billy always sends me a present.

He does it every time.

Yes.

Well, I just wanted to have
a letter ready, just in case.

Oh.

And you're counting
on him to send you $10?

- $10?
- Well, that's what
the note says.

"Dear Uncle Billy,
thank you for the $10."

You know Uncle
Billy. He's a $10 uncle.

Oh, yes.

Guess he is.

Boy, Beaver,
what a stupid story.

Don't you think Mom believed it?

Of course not.

Well, then how come
she didn't say something?

Because she's going
downstairs to get Dad,

and then they're both gonna
come up here and jump on you.

I think one would be enough.

Not after a big mess like this.

Do you suppose
Uncle Billy sent him $10,

and he didn't tell
us anything about it?

Well, it kind of sounds
that way, doesn't it?

Especially after
he told me today

that Gilbert gave
him that $10 model.

I think I'd better go
ask a few questions.

Dear, isn't Beaver
too old to tell us lies?

No, dear.

But he's too old to think
he can get away with it.

And then Gilbert said it
wouldn't hurt just to look at it,

and the next thing I knew, I was coming out
of the store with the model in my hands.

Well, Beaver,

Uncle Billy sent you the
money to buy a present with.

I'm sure if you'd come to your
mother or me, we'd have let you do it.

You mean I went through all
that sneaky stuff for nothing?

Well, I think you'll find
you usually go through

a lot of sneaky
stuff for nothing.

But gee, Dad,

I thought you'd make me put the money
in the bank, like you did the rest of it.

Beaver, I didn't make you
put the money in the bank.

I just pointed out

that it was the wisest
thing to do in the long run.

You made your own decision.

Gee, Dad, when
I was a little kid,

you used to tell me what to do.

But now that I gotta
make my own decisions,

I get sort of messed
up sometimes.

Sure you do.

But while you're learning
to make your own decisions,

don't mess things up
further by lying to us.

Well, what should I
do about the car, Dad?

Well, what do you
think you should do?

You mean I gotta make my
own decision about that, too?

I think you should.

Well, I think I
oughta keep the car

on account I used it.

But I'm gonna tell Mom
I'm sorry for lying to her,

and I think I oughta come
home from school every day

early for a whole week
without having any fun.

Fine, Beaver.

I have just one
suggestion to make.

- Oh, yes, sir?
- I think you should
tell Gilbert

that his idea didn't work.

Oh, I'm gonna tell
him all right, Dad,

and I think I'll tell him
while I'm sitting on him.

Hey, Dad,

we figured it out
pretty good, didn't we?

We sure did, Beav.

Hey, what do you
think you're doing?

Getting ready for bed.

- Did you brush your teeth yet?
- No.

Well, you better
get in there and do it.

What for? Dad said I was old
enough to make my own decisions.

Look, you little wise guy,

you better decide to get in
there and brush those teeth

before I clobber you.

Okay, okay.

What do you care if
my teeth rot and fall out?

Because I don't want people
pointing you out on a street

and saying "There goes Wally
Cleaver's toothless little brother."

- Ahh.
- Ah.

Rat, rat, rat!

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA