Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963): Season 5, Episode 34 - One of the Boys - full transcript

[Announcer] Starring...

and...

[knock on door]

Who do you suppose that can be?

"Tis some visitor," he muttered,

rapping at my chamber door.

Good evening, Mr. Cleaver.

Hello, Eddie.

I hate to bother you
this late in the evening,

but I wonder if I
might speak to Wally.

He's pretty busy
studying, Eddie.



Is it really important?

Oh, yes, it's very important.

I'll only keep him a minute.

I see.

Wally, Eddie
Haskell's down here.

Okay, Dad. Be right down.

Eddie, wouldn't it
have been easier

just to call Wally on the phone?

Well, yes, but what
I have to tell him,

I'd rather not
discuss on the phone.

Hi, Eddie.

Wally, is there some
place we could talk alone?

Sure. Come on in the den.

Mr. Cleaver, do you
mind if we close the doors?



Not at all, Eddie.
Go right ahead.

Okay, Eddie, what's
the big mystery about?

Wally, I got the biggest news

you've ever heard in your life.

Gee, no fooling?

This is the best thing
that's ever happened to us

in our entire career
as teenagers.

Good morning, Mom. Morning, Dad.

- Morning, Wally.
- Hi, son.

How about me?

Okay. You, too.

By the way, Wally,

did Eddie Haskell want
anything important last night?

Yes, we just wondered.

We don't want to pry.

Oh, it's no big deal.

It's just that Eddie and I have
been invited to join the Barons.

The Barons? What's that?

It's a club at our high school.

I don't recall hearing
you speak of them before.

I don't recall hearing you
speak of them before, either.

They're a bunch of
guys I don't know too well.

Like Ted Hanson,
Rick Davis, Bert Hartzer.

A bunch of guys like that.

Ted Hanson and the Davis boy?

I know their mothers.

Honey, you know Al Hanson.

President of the country club.

Oh, yes. He's the fella

with the Swedish license
plate on his station wagon.

What do the Barons do, Wally?

Eddie says they have
parties and dances

and like that.

They seem like a
nice bunch of fellows.

Gee, I don't know, Dad.

Eddie says they're the craziest.

Craziest?

That doesn't mean they're
squirrelly or anything, Mom.

It just means they're
real cool guys.

When I was a boy,
when we said "crazy,"

we meant crazy.

How backward.

Boy, Mom, I'll
bet in those days,

you said something like
"swell" or something, huh, Mom?

Well, no.

I think we said "keen."

Keen?

They don't even use that
on Dobie Gillis anymore.

I think I'll go ahead
and join with Eddie,

as long as they ask both of us.

Wally, you don't seem to
know many of the fellows well.

Don't you think you should find
out a little more about the Barons

before you join up?

I know something about them.

They're a weird bunch.

What do you mean, weird?

You ought to see them, Mom.

They all wear gray trousers,

and they got these
blue jackets and ties.

They sound to me like a
nice group of gentlemen.

That's what I mean... weird.

Wally.

Hi, Wally.

Hi, Bessie.

Did you want me?

Oh, yes. I just heard
the wonderful news.

News?

Yes, about your
joining the Barons.

Oh. Oh, yeah.

I haven't really joined yet.

They're the smoothest bunch
of boys in the whole school.

I don't know too many
of the guys too well.

I kind of know Rick Davis.

Rick Davis. Oh,
he's a real doll.

Yeah, I guess so.

He was on the track team,
but he got cut from the squad

before I had a chance to find
out if he was a real doll or not.

I mean, neat guy.

They give the greatest parties.

I guess I'll be seeing
you at some of them.

Yeah, I...

Gee, I thought you were
kind of going with Al Wilson.

Al Wilson? Oh, he's impossible.

He didn't even make
it with the Barons.

Well, I'll be seeing you, Wally.

- Yeah.
- Bye.

Bye.

Boy, Wally, you
really got it made.

Hi, Lump.

Oh, yeah. You mean
this 86 in Chemistry?

No, that's like nothing.

I mean getting asked
to join the Barons.

Oh, yeah. That was all right.

Hey, did they ask you?

Are you kidding?

I've been trying to
get in for two years.

How come they won't take you?

'Cause I'm a mess.

I don't think you're
so much of a mess.

Listen, they're pretty
fussy who they take.

I've tried everything.

I even had my father try to con Ted
Hanson's father at the country club

to let me in.

Gee, no fooling?

Yeah, but he got in
a beef with my pop

about him not wearing a
golf shirt on Ladies' Day.

Killed the whole deal.

Well, if it ain't Sir
Waldo the Great.

Hi, Eddie. Hey, what's all this?

We're Barons, aren't we?

Get with it, Lancelot.

Look, Eddie, we're
not even in yet.

Yeah, well, guess what.

Rick Davis and Ted Hanson

asked us to ride home with
them and some of the others.

That's okay, but I was going to
go over to the gym and work out.

What are you, Vic
Tanny or something?

Listen, you can't get
those guys sore at us

before we even join the club.

Okay. I guess it wouldn't hurt
to just ride home with them.

"Wouldn't hurt"?

Don't you realize half
the chicks in the school

are going to see us
blast off with the leader.

That's money in
the bank, Charlie.

Okay. Let's go.

Hey, Wally.

If I were you,

I wouldn't wear the letterman
sweater so much anymore.

Gee, what's wrong with it?

Well, nothing.

It's just, well, if we're
going to join the Barons,

it might give them a warped
perspective of your character.

Cut it out, Eddie.

Make way for the
Barons, you peasants.

Hi, Mom.

Hello, Beaver. Did
you have a nice day?

No, I went to school.

Hey, Mom, can I buy
a surfboard for $40?

I hardly think so.

Anyway, you don't know
how to ride a surfboard.

I wouldn't have to
know how to ride it.

I'd just set it next
to me on the beach

so people think I
knew how to ride it.

I'm afraid you're going to have
to speak to your father about that.

Okay. I didn't think I
could get it, anyway.

Hey, Mom! Hey,
Mom, come here quick!

[car revving]

Hurry up, Mom.

Beaver, what's the matter?

Look. It's Wally and Eddie, and look
at the rich people they came home with.

Well, my heavens.
Aren't those lovely cars?

Yeah. Boy, I never knew my
brother was such a big shot.

At least they're not
old rundown jalopies.

And aren't those
boys well-dressed?

[tires screech]

Yeah, and look at
them burn rubber.

Hi, Wally. Hi, Eddie.

Hi, Beav.

Hello, Eddie.

Wally, I gather some
friends drove you home.

Oh, yeah, Mom.

We saw you. We were
peeking out the window.

They're a wonderful group
of fellows, Mrs. Cleaver.

We have an initiation
meeting Friday night.

My father says that
friendships with chaps like that

can prove to be
invaluable later on in life.

Yes, well, that's fine, Eddie,

but do they always
drive like that?

They were just
fooling around, Mom.

Oh, yes. They have a very
fine safety record, Mrs. Cleaver.

Only two members of the club
have ever had their licenses revoked.

Hey, Mom, remember
how last summer,

I wanted to be an
atomic scientist?

That's all you talked about.

I changed my mind.

When I grow up, all I
want to be is a Baron.

[imitates car revving,
tires screeching]

Hello, dear.

Oh, hi.

- What's the matter?
- What's the matter?

Two carloads of kids almost
cut me off at the corner.

Oh. Those must have
been Wally's friends.

Wally's friends?

The Barons.

They drove him and Eddie home.

Well, I'm not too surprised.

What do you mean?

Ed Barton, the vice-principal,
is a friend of mine.

I called him today and sort of
sounded him out about these Barons.

What did he say?

Well, it was odd.

He didn't exactly have anything
bad to say about the boys,

but he didn't have anything
good to say about them, either.

I got the impression
that they're a little spoiled,

a little too sophisticated,

and certainly not much
interested in grades or athletics.

But why would they
want Wally in the club?

He doesn't seem
to fit in at all.

He is on the track team
and the football team.

Could be they want
him for his prestige value.

But if the club is this bad,

don't you think we
should just tell him

that he can't go to the
meeting on Friday night?

Dear, I don't approve of
it any more than you do,

but Wally's going to meet a
lot of people in his lifetime.

Sooner or later, he's
going to have to learn

to pick and choose the type
he wants to be associated with.

Yes, but sports cars
and boys with big ideas.

That's a terrific lure
for a boy Wally's age.

A boy any age.

But we can't protect
him forever, dear.

Look, I thought I'd just
sound him out about the club,

and then let him go ahead
and make up his own mind.

It all boils down to this...

We've either raised
him right or we haven't.

Let's just wait and see what
kind of a decision he makes, huh?

I'm going to have to
finish breakfast in a hurry.

Eddie's coming by and picking
me up in a couple of minutes.

I thought maybe
one of your friends

was going to drive you
to school this morning.

No, Dad. Eddie and
I are going to walk.

I guess those boys

can't get their
fathers' cars every day.

Oh, those are Rick
and Ted's own cars.

Their fathers just
pay the insurance.

Boy, Wally, it must be
neat getting in a club like that

with cool guys.

You know, Wally,
I'm a little curious.

I know the Barons are supposed
to be quite an exclusive group.

Why was the club
formed in the first place?

Why?

Well, like I said,

they have dances
and parties and...

Gee, Dad, you don't think there's
anything wrong with those guys, do you?

I didn't say that.

I just wondered how much
you really knew about them.

They're real friendly guys, Dad,

and they're real anxious
for Eddie and I to join.

Lumpy Rutherford
said... [Eddie] Wally!

That must be Eddie
out in front. I'll see you.

Bye, Mom, bye, Dad.

- Bye, son.
- Bye, dear.

You know, Dad, you're
acting kind of funny

about this club
Wally's going to join.

Funny?

Yeah. Sort of like the time

I was going to send away for those
white rats and raise them in the garage.

Hey, this is great,

you guys always having
your own table for lunch.

We like it this way.

It saves eating with the creeps.

It sure is neat of you
guys to let us eat with you.

Don't be so overemotional
about everything, Haskell.

Oh. Sorry.

You fellows are going to be at
the meeting tonight, aren't you?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, we'll be there.

Boy, this food gets worse and
worse around here all the time.

Here. Try my dessert, Rick.

I'm really not very hungry.

Well, go ahead. Be my guest.

Sure.

Come on. Let's go to
the bowling alley for lunch.

Yeah. Come on, Wally. Let's go.

Rick, before this
initiation meeting tonight,

I've been meaning to ask you.

What do the Barons do?

What do you mean?

Well, I mean, what
do they stand for?

What's their purpose?

Purpose?

Yeah.

What I mean is,

every club's got to have some
kind of a purpose, don't they?

Well, I'll tell you, Cleaver
old boy, our purpose

is to improve the social status of
this moth-eaten educational institution.

See you at the meeting, guys.

Yeah, I'll see you
at the meeting.

Thanks a lot, fellas.

You know something, Eddie?

I'm not as anxious to join
these Barons as I thought I was.

What do you mean?

You're not thinking of backing
out or anything, are you?

Well, I just might.

After all, I was the one
that recommended you

to my friends
in the first place.

I wouldn't want to take
advantage of the situation

by joining without you.

That's okay, Eddie.

If you want to go ahead
and join, it's all right.

You can just tell the
guys at the meeting tonight

that I won't be there.

All right, I will.

Okay. Go ahead.

Hey, Wally, sit down
a minute, will you?

Look, Wally, you
got to join the Barons.

Why?

On account of I made a deal.

I been heckling Rick
and the guys to take me.

They finally said they'd take me

if I could get you to join.

You're kidding, Eddie.

No.

The vice-principal has
been eyeballing the Barons,

and I guess they figure if they
can get guys like you to join,

it would make them look better.

I don't want to join something
just to make them look better.

It's okay for you to say that.

You got a lot of stuff
going for you at school.

How'd you like to be like me?

I got to make a noise
like a brass band,

or nobody even notices me.

You're not that bad, Eddie.

Look, Wally, you at least got to
go to the meeting with me tonight.

Okay, Eddie. You come by the
house tonight, and I'll go with you.

Hey, what are you doing?

Nothing.

Chocolate pudding's
my favorite dessert.

Hey, Wally, what's
the matter with you?

What do you mean?

You went out here this morning

real anxious to join the Barons.

Now you're acting like you got
to go to a funeral or something.

What do you want me
to do, jump up and down

like a little kid going
to a birthday party?

[knock on door]

Hi, fellas.

Hi, Dad.

You going out tonight?

Yeah, Dad. This is the night

that Eddie and I are
going to that club meeting.

Oh, you're going
ahead and joining, huh?

Yeah, I guess so, Dad.

Oh. Well, fine.

You mean, you don't want me to?

I think that's up to you, Wally.

Something you have to
make up your own mind about.

Well, Eddie.

Don't you look like quite
the young man around town?

Yes, ma'am.

I went out for the
debating team at school.

Gives a fellow a certain poise.

I didn't know you
were on the team.

Good evening, Mr. Cleaver.

Hello, Eddie. You're
certainly dressed up.

Oh, yes, sir.

Real cool, wouldn't you say?

The shoes are Italian.

The man at the store said
they're just like the ones

the men at Princeton wear.

Do you like them?

Yes, they're very Italian.

Thank you, Mr. Cleaver.

Is Wally ready for the meeting?

He's upstairs. You
can go on up, Eddie.

Thank you, sir.

Ward, is Wally
going to the meeting?

Yeah. I was hoping he wouldn't,
but I'm not going to forbid him.

And remember, you said all
those boys came from nice families.

I guess I was just impressed
by the fact they were clean.

You know, Eddie, you look
like a dummy in a store window.

Listen, squirt, take that back.

Okay. Then you just
look like a dummy.

Cut it out, Eddie.

Oh, no.

You're not going to wear that?

Why not? It's my suit.

But, Sam, it's not the uniform.

It's not cool.

Boy, I'll say
it isn't. It's hot.

How come they want you to
wear a suit to a meeting, anyway?

Boy, Wally, sometimes
I worry about you.

You worry about him?

[horn honks]

We'll be right out, fellas.

[engine revs, horn honks]

Ward, I don't like the idea of
Wally going out in a racing car

with a bunch of boys who
are trying to grow up too fast.

I know, dear, but we
agreed to let Wally

see this thing through himself.

Yes, Ward, but can't
you warn him that...

Come on. They're waiting.

Oh, Mrs. Cleaver.

Wally, you look very nice.

Thanks a lot, Mom.

I guess we'd better be going.

I'll see you, Dad.

Have a good time, boys.

Yes, ma'am, I'm sure we'll
have a very lovely evening.

Ward, the boys are leaving.

Wally, what time do
you expect to be home?

[horn honks]

Don't worry about me, Dad.

I'll be home as soon as
the meeting breaks up.

- Wally.
- [horn honks]

Yes, Dad?

Have a good time, son.

Yeah, sure, Dad.

Boy, Mom, Wally belongs
to a real neat club now, huh?

Well, he hasn't
joined officially yet.

Hey, Mom, are you
worried about something?

Well, Beaver, when
you're raising a family,

there's always something
to be worried about.

Eddie said the
Barons are real cool.

You know what cool
means, don't you, Mom?

Mm-hmm.

Sometimes, I think
it means not so hot.

Gee, I never
thought of it that way.

Good night, Beaver.

Good night, Mom.

What time is it now?

Oh, I didn't notice.

A quarter to 12.

Clock's slow. It's ten of.

Ten of?

Dear, why don't
you go on to bed?

You don't have to
wait up for Wally.

Honey, I wasn't
waiting up for Wally.

I just thought I'd like
to read a little longer.

Oh.

[car approaches]

What do you suppose happened?

They're coming
back in Eddie's car.

Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.

You're still up?

Well, we were just
going up to bed.

You came home in Eddie's car.

Yeah.

Did you have a good time?

Yeah, it was okay, I guess.

How did the meeting go?

They never really got
around to a meeting.

What did they do?

Well, they just kind of
hung around and goofed off.

Some of the guys played pool.

Pool?

Yeah. Rick's got a pool
table in his playroom,

and all kinds of
other junk, too.

Most of the time, they just
sat around and knocked stuff.

You know, the
school, other people.

Just about everything.

Well, it sounds like
a very large house.

It's pretty big, all right.

Did you meet his
father and mother?

No, his mother's
in Europe, I think.

His father's on some
kind of a business trip.

Who takes care of Rick?

Well, there was a maid there,

and then there was
this guy in a white coat

that opened doors
and served sandwiches.

Boy, you know something, Mom?

I never realized before that
a house could be too big.

Well, I'm pretty tired. I
think I'm going to go to bed.

This club stuff's for the birds.

Say, Wally, how'd you happen
to come back in Eddie's car?

I don't know.

The guys kind of bored me.

Then some of the guys wanted to
go somewhere and get some beer,

so Eddie and I
decided to cut out.

But Eddie didn't
have his car with him.

No, we walked over
to Eddie's house.

You walked all the
way to Eddie's house?

Yeah, and then,
he drove me home.

Boy, after all that walking
in those Italian shoes,

Eddie decided that the club
stuff was for the birds, too.

Good night.

- Good night, son.
- Night.

You know something, Dad?

I don't think I'll
ever be a cool guy.

Well, son, some
of us never make it.

Good night.

- Good night.
- Good night.

Well, dear, there comes a time

when you just have to
stop saying no to your child

and let him find
his way for himself.

I wasn't worried. You were
the one that was worried.

I wasn't worried a bit. I knew
he wouldn't join that club.

You know, Wally,

I don't think Dad wanted
you to join that Barons club

in the first place.

I don't think he did, either.

Did he tell you not to join it?

No.

How come?

If he doesn't want
me to join something,

he just says "Don't do it,"

and that's that.

I'm getting older, and he wants
me to make my own decisions.

Oh. Then if you make the
wrong one, he's in the clear, huh?

No, it's just that he's
training me for life,

so I can handle stuff on my own.

After all, one of these days,

I'll probably get married

and have to know how
to handle my own kids.

I don't think I'd
make a good father.

How do you know?

Well, if I didn't like
pushing kids around

when I was a hall monitor,

how come I'm going
to like it any better

just because I'm a father?

Look, Beaver,
when you have kids,

you just naturally know how
to take good care of them.

How come?

Well, because that's
all you can do with kids.

That's how come.

Oh.

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA