Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963): Season 5, Episode 33 - Tennis, Anyone - full transcript

[Announcer] Starring...

and...

Boys, Ward, breakfast, everyone.

Hey, Mom, well, I
can't find my gym socks.

Well, they're right in
your dresser drawer.

Oh.

Hey, Mom?

Good morning, Wally.

Hey, I can't find
my tennis racquet.

I looked all over the place.

Your tennis racquet?



Yeah, I'm going to play
tennis right after breakfast.

Well, the last time I saw it,

it was on the top
shelf in your closet.

Okay, thanks, Mom.

June, I can't find
my wristwatch.

Try the top of your desk.

Oh, yeah, thanks.

I found them, Mom.

Yeah, my tennis racquet was

right where you
said it would be.

Fine.

Hey, Mom, what's the matter?
How come you're sitting down?

Yeah, don't we
get any breakfast?

Something wrong, dear?



I can't find the kitchen.

Well, Wally, it's been some time

since you've played
tennis, hasn't it?

Yeah, I'll probably be
pretty rusty at it at first.

Boy, I'm sure glad I don't
know how to play tennis.

Beaver, why would you say that?

Well, tennis isn't
a real man's game

like baseball or football.

They even let girls play.

I don't see anything
wrong with that.

Besides, it's a pretty
mushy game, too.

All that stuff about
30-love and 40-love.

[Ward] Beaver, love
is a scoring term.

In a tennis match,
love just means

that one of the people
didn't score any points.

Yeah, but why can't they
just say the guy got skunked.

Yes, that would deromanticize
the game considerably.

Beaver, if it'll make
you feel any better,

it just so happens

that I'll be playing
tennis with Eddie Haskell.

That proves it's a creepy game

if they let guys
like Eddie play it.

No, Eddie's real good at tennis.

He's been practicing
real hard for a whole year.

You know, somehow
that doesn't sound

like our old easy-going Eddie

to be that interested
in a good, clean sport.

Well, his father told him
that as you go through life,

you have a lot more
chance of meeting rich people

if you know how to play tennis.

That's plenty for now.
How did I do, Don?

Much better, Carol.
Especially your backhand.

Well, I think all the credit
should go to the teacher.

Well, the teacher's
nothing without an apt pupil.

[Carol chuckles]

What time will I see
you tomorrow night?

Tomorrow night?

Gee, Carol, I don't think I
can make it tomorrow night.

Oh?

You have a date with
another one of your pupils?

No, didn't I mention to you
the other day I'd be tied up?

No, you didn't mention to
me that you'd be tied up.

It was just an oversight.

Are you sure it was an oversight

and not the brush-off?

Now, look, Carol.

Well, what am I supposed to do?

Sit home and
restring my racquet?

Carol, this isn't
any way to act.

Look, I'll explain it to
you on the way home.

No, thanks.

Okay, then stay here.

That's exactly
what I intend to do.

And I just might have
some other plans myself.

Oh, you might have
other plans yourself?

Isn't that just dandy?

Excuse me. Is this
court being used?

No, not now.

Do you mind if I sit here
and wait for a friend of mine?

No, not at all.

Is your girlfriend late?

Well, yeah, except
he's not a girl.

He's Eddie Haskell.
That's a fella.

Uh, would you like to
volley till he gets here?

You mean me volley with you?

Yeah, sure.

Well, yeah. Yeah, sure.

I'm Carol Martin.

I'm Wally Cleaver.

Oh, yes, didn't I see
your picture in the paper

running in a track meet?

Well, yeah, except I
wasn't really running.

You see, the guy told me

to make believe
like I was running

so that he could
take my picture.

Oh.

Ready, Wally?

Well, yeah.

Well, yeah. Yeah, sure, Carol.

Thanks for the game, Wally.

Oh, well, thanks to you, Carol.

Boy, you know, you
sure play good for a girl.

Oh, thank you.

Let's sit down. That
was quite a workout.

Okay.

I guess your friend
didn't show up.

Uh, friend?

I thought you were
supposed to meet

Eddie something or other.

Oh, yeah, yeah, Eddie Haskell.

You know, that's funny.

Once we started playing,
I forgot all about him.

Oh?

- Do you come here often?
- No.

I mean, yeah.

You don't know?

Well, I haven't been
coming here much lately,

but I'm thinking of
coming here more.

I see.

Uh, do you come here often?

Just about every day.

Well, were you thinking
of coming here tomorrow?

Well, I hadn't
thought much about it.

Oh.

But I think I might.

You will?

Well, how about playing
a couple of sets with me?

I mean, well, you know,

in case my friend
doesn't show up again.

I'd love to.

Great, then it's a date.

Oh, well, it's been
wonderful meeting you, Wally.

Nice meeting you, Carol.

And I'll see you
tomorrow. Bye now.

Bye now.

- Hi.
- Hi. How was tennis?

Oh, the greatest.

- Did you win, Wally?
- No, I lost.

Well, I guess I
better get washed up.

Well, that's what I
call a cheerful loser.

Boy, I'll bet
that's the first time

Eddie ever beat
Wally at anything.

[phone rings]

Hello?

Oh, hello, Eddie.

Hey, how did you beat
Wally at tennis today?

What did you do? Cheat?

Beaver.

Look, squirt, I didn't
even play tennis.

That's why I'm calling him.

Now, put him on the phone
before I have you arrested.

Okay.

Wally didn't play
tennis with Eddie.

Wally? Hey, Wally?

Is your brother coming down?

I guess so.

Well, tell Eddie.

Why?

Well, because that's what you do

when people are
waiting on the phone.

But Eddie's no
people. He's a creep.

Hello?

Oh, hi.

Look, Sam,

I was on my way
over to the tennis court,

but at the last minute,
I got sidetracked.

What?

Well, no, I was taking
a shortcut the florist,

and old man Louie threw out

a whole bunch of
old chrysanthemums.

Huh?

Well, sure, I picked them up.

I made four and a
quarter peddling them

in the parking lot
behind the supermarket.

Well, listen, Sam,

how about playing
tennis tomorrow?

I'll meet you there at
the same time, okay?

Well, no, Eddie.

Look, I'm not going to be able

to play tennis
with you tomorrow.

Huh?

Well, no, it's...

It's just that I got this...

Look, I just can't
play. That's all.

Okay, yeah, see you.

Uh, that was Eddie.

We know.

How come you didn't
play tennis with him?

Well, because he didn't show up.

Then who did you play with?

Well, what business
is it of yours?

Wally, that isn't very nice.

He was just asking
a question, Wally?

Okay, I played tennis with
somebody besides Eddie.

Well, it wasn't Lumpy, was it?

And how, it wasn't Lumpy?

Well, now, who in the world
do you think he played with?

I don't know. From
that smile on his face,

it must have been at
least Pancho Gonzales.

Hi, Wally.

Hi, Carol.

I was just looking around
for a vacant court to play on.

How about this one here?

Oh, yeah, that
is vacant, isn't it?

I'm sorry I was late.

Oh, no, that's okay. It was me.

I was early.

Well, should we volley?

Sure, let's.

Well, you do want
to play, don't you?

Of course.

Wally, you don't know how much

I've been looking
forward to our date.

Hey, Beave, I know
what we can do.

Let's go over to the museum.

No, that guy might be
giving a lecture again.

This is the weekend. I don't
feel like learning anything.

Then let's go look
at the mummies.

No, that's no fun, either.
They don't scare me anymore.

Hey, you know,
they don't scare me

as much as when I
was a little kid, either.

Last Saturday, I went
to this horror movie,

and they had all these
corpses running around.

They just made me laugh.

Yeah, I guess you're
pretty grown-up

when you can laugh at corpses.

Hey, Beaver, look.

It's Wally.

He's playing with a lady.

Yeah, a grown-up lady.

Maybe it's one of his teachers,

and he's playing with
her so she'll pass him.

No, I don't think a teacher's
allowed to have that much fun.

I wonder where the guy could be.

Well, didn't Wally tell you
on the phone he was tied up?

Yeah, but there's
something phony going on.

I can tell by the
way he was talking.

And Eddie boy wants
to know what gives.

Hey, Beaver.

Hey, squirt, where's
your brother?

Oh, he's playing tennis.

Tennis?

Uh, don't give
us that stuff, runt.

If he was playing tennis,
it would be with me.

I asked him yesterday, and
he said he wasn't interested.

Well, maybe he thinks
playing tennis with a lady

is better than playing
tennis with you.

What are you doing?
Giving me the business?

Well, no, he's over at the
park playing with this lady.

Me and Gilbert just saw him.

You mean a girl?

No, she's a lady.

She's not acting silly
enough to be a girl.

Come on, Lumpy.
Let's go over to the park

and see what's coming off.

Look, squirt, if
you're putting us on,

I'll break you in two
and hang you out to dry.

Boy, I'll bet you think you're
as strong as King Kong.

Maybe I am.

Well, maybe you are
'cause you sure look like him.

There's our boy.

Yeah, look what he's with.

Yeah.

And I've been
turning out for track.

Man, if Wally showed
up for school with that,

the joint would fall down.

Oh, it's got to be a relative

or a friend of his
mother's or something.

Junior's way out of his class.

Shh.

Uh, how about tomorrow, Carol?

I'd love to.

Well, great, then I'll meet
you here right after school.

Fine, Wally.

Uh, boy, winning that
last set was just luck.

No, it wasn't. You
were marvelous.

Now, don't you
stand me up, Wally.

Oh, gee, no, Carol.

I'll see you.

- Hey, Wally.
- Oh, hi, guys.

Hey, Wally, is
she really for real?

What?

Oh, Carol. Did you see her?

And how, we saw her.

What's the catch, Rover?

What do you mean
what's the catch?

You know what I mean.

Is she a cousin or something

or did you give her the bit

about your old man
being loaded with loot?

She's not my cousin, and
I didn't tell her anything.

I met her that day
that you didn't show up,

and she asked me if I
wanted to play tennis.

We've been playing ever since.

Amazing, our little
boy is growing up.

I'll say.

I guess it's good-bye to
the marbles and the yo-yos.

I guess I better be shoving.

Hey, Wally, why don't you
come over to the malt shop

with me and Eddie?

- Nah, I don't think so.
- Why not?

Look, chum, when you're
flying with a nightingale

you don't mingle with the bats.

I'll see you guys.

It's been good knowing you, pal.

Ow, cut it out, Eddie.

I'll still see you guys.

If you do, you're
out of your mind.

Oh, excuse me, sir.

You got a minute, son?

Well, yeah. Yeah,
sure, I have, sir.

I noticed you've been
playing tennis with Carol

the last couple of days.

Well, yeah, we've sort of
been running into each other.

Yeah, well, don't
run into her anymore.

Well, I got a date to
play with her tomorrow.

Just don't show up.

Now, wait a...
Look, Carol's my girl,

and I just don't want
you hanging around her.

So smarten up, kid,
and get the message.

- Hi, Wally.
- Hi.

How was tennis today?

Oh, it was okay.

You sound like you lost.

No, I won. Is Dad home?

Yes, he's in the den.

Well, Beaver, first of all,

you have to find the
perimeter of the field.

You know how to do that?

Yeah, Dad, you add the
lengths of all the sides.

Right, and you take
that answer and...

Dad, could I see you a minute?

Well, I'm working with
Beaver right now, Wally.

Well, it's pretty
important, Dad.

Oh.

Well, Beaver, we'll get back
to your problem a little later.

Okay, Dad.

You can give me the
answer after supper.

Oh, no,

we'll work out the answer
together after supper.

Okay, Dad.

What's the trouble, Wally?

Well, it... It's about girls.

I see.

Yeah, Dad, I'm in a triangle.

A triangle?

Well, I might as well
tell you the whole thing.

You see, I met this
girl... Her name is Carol...

Over at the tennis courts.
Well, we got along pretty good.

I see.

Yeah, we've been
playing tennis, and...

Well, first, I guess
I better tell you

she's a little bit
older than I am.

A little bit older?

Yeah, I think she's about 22.

22?

Gee, Dad, a lot of guys
date girls older than they are.

And well, I know I probably
look young to you and Mom,

but you're my parents.

Uh, yes, Wally. Go on.

Well, anyway, this Carol and I,

we've been getting
along real good.

We've been having a lot of fun
playing tennis and everything.

And then this older
guy comes along,

and he tells me to
stay away from her.

Well, who is this older guy?

Oh, he's not her
husband or anything.

Oh.

Go on.

Well, anyway, he says
that he's her boyfriend,

and he told me
not to go near her.

Gee, Dad, I just
don't know what to do.

I thought I'd come and ask you.

Well, now, just a minute, son.

Let me sort of
get a grip on this.

This other fellow, how
old would you say he is?

Well, I think he's
about 24 or 25.

He's the assistant
tennis pro or something.

And this Carol,

has she been playing tennis
over there for quite a while?

Uh, for a couple
years, I think she said.

Well, you see, Wally,
she and this other fellow

may have going together
for quite some time

before you showed up.

Yeah, I know, Dad,

but well, now I think
she kind of likes me.

Oh, you do.

Yeah. Yeah, she doesn't get
mad at me when I beat her.

And she's all the time smiling.

And she even told
me not to stand her up.

Boy, Dad, now I
don't know what to do.

Well, Wally, in the first place,

this girl is just
too old for you.

And circumstances
being what they are,

I don't think you
should see her again.

But gee, Dad, she's so nice.

I just wouldn't want to
let her down that way.

Well, I was looking at it more
from your standpoint, Wally.

I wouldn't want to
see you get hurt.

Well, gee, Dad, I'm
not afraid of that guy

just because he's big.

Well, I didn't mean get
hurt in that way, Wally.

I just think this is something
you should stay away from.

Yeah, well, thanks
anyway for talking to me.

Wally, has it got
anything to do with school?

Nah, it's nothing
to do with school.

Well, golly, what else is
there worse to worry about?

Ow, you wouldn't understand.

The kind of stuff
that's happening to me,

is like stuff that
happens in the movies.

Well, killing movies
or kissing movies?

Kissing movies, I guess.

Boy, Wally, you'd
better watch it.

Huh?

Even in the kissing movies,
guys sometimes get shot.

I'm not going to get shot.

But you know that girl that
I've been playing tennis with?

You mean that lady?

Well, her boyfriend told
me to stay away from her.

It's pretty sore.

And Dad said it would be
better if I didn't see her anymore.

What are you going to do,
Wally? Fight the guy for her?

No, I'm just going to
show up there tomorrow

and play tennis with her.

Boy, Wally, you're
a pretty brave guy.

I guess I never noticed before
on account of you're my brother.

You're home so soon?

Yeah, I didn't play.

Hey, Mom?

Yes, Wally?

When you married Dad, he
was a pretty old guy, wasn't he?

Well, now, no, I wouldn't
say he was pretty old.

Well, what I mean is

he sure must have
gotten around a lot.

Gotten around?

Well, what I'm trying to say is,

you know, he sure
knows a lot about stuff.

Oh, yes, that he does.

Yeah. Yeah, like last
night he was trying to tell me

something for my own good,

and I couldn't understand
what he was getting at.

But you do now?

Boy, I sure do.

Some girl was using
me for a real goof,

and I didn't even know it.

Well, Wally, I think
as you grow older,

you're going to find out
that your father knows

quite a bit about
a lot of things.

Yeah.

You know, it's kind of funny

to think that Dad knows so
much about love and stuff.

- Oh, hi.
- Hi.

Is Wally around?

He just went upstairs.

How's everything going?

Lovely.

Lovely?

Well, up to a point.

How come you know so
much about love and stuff?

Hey, Mom, where's
my tennis racquet?

Well, I put it back
in your closet.

I thought you were through
with tennis for a while.

Oh, no, I made a date to
play with the substitute teacher

we had in math class today.

Uh, you and she are
going to play tennis?

Well, yeah, except
it's not a she.

He's real neat guy. He used
to play on the Davis Cup team.

Oh.

Yeah, he's going to help me

with my serve and my
smash shot and everything.

Well, at least you won't
be playing with a creepy girl.

Oh, yeah, well, his niece
is going to be there, too.

He said he wanted
me to meet her.

See, Dad, I told you
tennis was a mushy game.

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA