Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963): Season 5, Episode 26 - Lumpy's Car Trouble - full transcript

[Announcer] Starring...

and...

Hey, Wally, are you
really going to let me go

to the track meet
with you tomorrow?

Yeah, we're driving up
to Bellport in Lumpy's car,

and I talked him and
Eddie into letting you go.

Well, how come Lumpy's driving?

Well, the coach said

they're using the school
bus for something else,

so they're paying some
of the guys with cars

10 cents a mile to
drive the team up.



10 cents a mile?

Boy, if I know Lumpy,
he'll go by way of California.

Yeah, well, you better
watch yourself on this trip.

And if any of the guys
start hitting you in the arm,

don't come running to me.

[knock on door]

Oh, uh, Wally, I'm sorry
I'm not going to be able

to drive you up to
Bellport tomorrow

and watch you run,

but I have a business
meeting at the office.

Oh, that's okay, Dad.

You know, that's
quite a drive up there,

and I'm not too happy
about Lumpy's driving.

That car of his running
all right these days?



Oh, sure, Dad, he's even
putting a new radiator on it today.

Oh, well, that's fine.

Yeah, he's down at
the junk yard right now

picking out a real good one.

Hey, Dad, how
come you have to go

to a business meeting
on a Saturday?

Oh, well, there's some fellows
here from the home office.

They want to let us know
what's going on back there.

Well, couldn't they
just write you a letter

and tell you what's happening?

Wally, there's one thing you
must learn about executives.

You never write a letter

if you can accomplish
the same thing

by making a thousand-mile trip.

Wally, aren't you
going to eat your bacon?

Oh, gee, no, Mom.

You can't run if you eat grease.

It settles in your stomach
like a lump of lead.

Well, I don't exactly consider
that a compliment to my cooking.

Well, don't worry.
I'll eat his bacon.

It's not going to
hurt my stomach

if it gets full of grease.

Wally, what time's
Lumpy coming by

to pick you fellows up?

In about an hour.

Well, I better get ready.

Fred's coming by here
to pick me up in his car.

Oh, and dear, we're
taking the fellows to lunch,

so I should be home around 3:00.

You're going to be
at lunch until 3:00?

Well, that's another
principle of big business.

You never eat
anything in 30 minutes

that you can stretch
out for three hours.

- Bye.
- Bye.

Hey, Wally, goofy Lumpy's here.

Look, kid, to you
the name's Clarence.

Hey, Wally, goofy
Clarence is here.

Well, it's about time, Lumpy.
I was just going to call you.

Well, I had to walk over here

on account of I had
trouble with my heap.

We won't be able to use it.

What?

Yeah, that new radiator
I got from the junk yard

is no good.

Well, how come?

Well, I put some of
that unclog stuff in it.

Then I started the motor,
and it blew out the water pump.

Well, how are we going to get
to the track meet at Bellport?

Search me.

What do you mean, search me?

I got to be there, Lumpy.

I'm running the 100 and the 220.

What are you squawking
about? I'm losing 10 cents a mile.

Well, what about Scott and
Mike Ferguson and those guys?

Maybe we could
ride up with them.

Well, I already called them
before I came over here,

and they'd left.

But look, Lumpy, I can't
miss that track meet.

What's the coach going to say?

Hey, I saw your father's
car out in the driveway.

Why don't we drive
up there in that?

I don't have a
license. You know that.

Well, I got one. What's
wrong with me driving up there?

You driving up?

Sure, I wouldn't feel too
creepy driving a square car.

Nah, I don't think my
father would go for that.

Well, you boys all
ready for the track meet?

Lumpy's car is busted.

Well, Wally, you can't
miss the track meet.

Isn't there some
other way you can go?

Nah, all the other
guys have already left.

Well, I thought perhaps I
could drive Mr. Cleaver's car.

Oh, well, I don't
know about that.

Well, Lumpy doesn't mind
driving a square car, Mom.

Wally, I think you
better call your father.

Yeah, I guess that's
the only thing to do.

After all, what
have we got to lose?

Just the track meet.

You know, Fred,
when the meeting starts

I wouldn't tell any of those
jokes of yours right off the bat.

Well, don't you want the
meeting with the big boys

to get off to a fast start?

Fred, they just got off a jet.

I don't think they
want a fast start.

Are you putting me
on, Ward, old man?

Oh, no, of course not.

[phone rings]

Excuse me.

Hello?

Oh, hello, June.

Ward, I hate to
bother you like this,

but the boys can't make the
trip to Bellport in Clarence's car,

and they want to know
if they can borrow ours.

Clarence would drive.

Lumpy... Uh, I mean
Clarence drive my car?

What's up, old man?

Well, it seems your
boy's car is not running.

They want to drive
mine to the track meet.

I don't see anything
wrong with that.

My Clarence is a
crackerjack driver.

Well, fine, well, maybe
they could drive your car.

Oh, you're forgetting
we're taking the big boys

to lunch in my car.

Otherwise it'd be fine...

Yeah, sure. Yeah, sure, right.

Yeah, uh, what's that, June?

Ward, if the boys
don't leave right away,

they're going to miss the meet.

Well, I don't know,
dear. You see, I...

[buzzer]

Oh, I think the big boys
are ready for us now.

All right then.

Take your time, Ward.

I'll stall them with
some of my jokes.

Oh, no, no, no,
wait a minute. Wait.

Uh, June, put Wally
on, will you, please?

Wally, now look, I'm going
to let Clarence drive our car,

but I want him to
keep the speed down

and I want him to drive
straight there and straight back.

Yes, sir. Highway 7.

We take Highway 7.

I know. I know.

What was that, Dad?

No other passengers.

- No other passengers.
- Sure, sure.

Oh, sure, we will, Dad.

And thanks a lot.

Oh, you needn't worry
about Clarence, Ward.

When it comes to brains,

he's got a head on him
like the Rock of Gibraltar.

- Bye, Mom.
- Bye, honey.

Bye, Mrs. Cleaver.

Clarence, now you be
sure and drive carefully.

Oh, don't worry, Mrs. Cleaver.

I'll drive Mr. Cleaver's
car just like it was mine.

If he does that, I
won't ride with him.

Cut it out, Beaver.

I'll call you when we
get up there, Mom.

Well, that's very
thoughtful of you, Wally.

Yeah, Dad told me to do it.

Man, look at this control
panel. Prepare to blast off.

Cut it our, Lump.
Just start the car.

Hey, Lumpy, what did
you turn down here for?

To pick up Eddie Haskell.

Hey, wait a minute. My father
said no other passengers.

But we got to take Eddie.

I already told him
I was taking him

when I said I'd take you.

After all, Eddie is the
track team manager.

He's got to go with us.

Oh, okay.

But why didn't you
remind me about it

when I was talking to
my dad on the phone?

I forgot.

Anyway, we'd have never
got out of the driveway

if we told him Eddie
was coming with us.

What did you do?

Win the Irish
sweepstakes or something?

It's my dad's car, Eddie.

Your dad's?

And he's letting Lump drive it?

What's he bucking
for? Father of the year?

Look, Fabian, just get in, huh?

Hi, Eddie.

Well, what's back
here? A day nursery?

Eddie, did anybody ever tell you

you were the best-looking
guy in high school?

No, they didn't.

I didn't think so.

Hey, don't hit him
while I'm driving, Eddie.

Blood makes me nervous.

Come on, guys. Let's
just get to Bellport, huh?

Oh, June, we're about
ready to leave for lunch,

and I just wondered if
you'd heard from Wally yet.

Yes, he called from
Bellport, and everything's fine.

Oh, well, good.

Now I can go to lunch
and listen to Fred's jokes

without having them
spoil my appetite.

Bye.

We're waiting, old man.

Yeah, yeah.

Boy, we really murdered

those Bellport
jokers, didn't we?

Yeah, we did all right.

Yeah, Eddie, and
it was real neat

the way you held the
guys' sweatshirts for them

when they were running.

♪ We're the fighting
sons of Mayfield ♪

♪ Onward, Mayfield High ♪

♪ We will always
honor Mayfield ♪

♪ Mayfield do or die ♪

Who do you think
you are, squirt?

Mitch Miller?

Hey, Lumpy, where do
you think you're going?

Hold it.

What are you
hollering about, Wally?

You know what
I'm hollering about.

We're supposed to be going
home the same way we came up.

But, Agnes, this is a shortcut.

I don't care if
it is a shortcut.

My father said to take Highway
7 going up and coming back.

Yeah, that's what he said.

But I'm only thinking
of your father.

Look at all the gas
it's going to save him.

Yeah, Wally, everybody
takes the Camelback Cutoff.

Relax, Clyde.

Just comes right back
out on the main drag.

Look, did I ever
steer you wrong?

A couple of million times.

Look, Wally, if you want
to go the long way around,

you can drive.

But you know I
don't have a license.

Okay, go ahead.

We'll be over to the
other highway in no time.

Hey, Lumpy, watch
it. There's a big puddle.

Fasten your seatbelts,
men. We're hitting the beach.

No, Lumpy, go around it.

Take it easy. Slow down.

Countdown... 10, 9, 8, 7...

Gee, something
must have got wet.

Try it again, Lump.

[engine stalls]

Boy, it sounds like
our washing machine

when I put the marbles in it.

The ignition must have got wet
when we ran through the puddle.

Okay, okay, let's not
have a panel discussion.

The thing to do is to take off

the distributor
cap and look at it.

Look, guys, I don't think
we should mess with it.

I don't think so, either.

Look, there's nothing to it.
We just wipe off the points.

Hey, the parts are all wet.

Boy, I sure hope you guys
know what you're doing.

Stop worrying.

Now, you see this
little spring here?

We just take it
out like... [boing]

Boy, now you did it.

I think it went
right over there.

I think it went over there.

Boy, you sure got us into
a mess this time, Wally.

Hi. How was your
business luncheon?

Not good.

To begin with, they put
six of us at a table for four,

and then Fred didn't
help matters any

by starting to tell a story

he couldn't
remember the finish to.

Good old Fred.

I hope you got some work done.

Oh, yeah, by the time we
were though with the salad,

things had settled down.

And we were right in the middle
of next year's production schedule

when Fred suddenly
remembered the finish to the joke,

so we had to
start all over again.

Why do they keep Fred?

Well, I think it's because
they can use Fred

as like a motivational
research and corporate image

without laughing.

I'm sure Fred
contributes more than that.

Oh, sure, Fred's all right.

Say, I didn't see the car.

I guess the boys are
not back yet, huh?

No, not yet, but they should
be coming along soon.

You know, that was kind
of a tough decision to make

letting Lumpy drive our car.

I know it. That's
why I left it up to you.

I guess we spend too much
time worrying needlessly.

Yes, you know, after all,

the boys aren't
little boys anymore.

They're responsible young men.

Boy, I'm sure glad we
found that little spring.

The trouble is I don't know

if it goes in this
way or that way.

It's a cinch.

That goes in there,
and that goes in there.

And this little gizmo
fits right in here.

You sure about that, Eddie?

Just leave it to me, Sam.

If you'd have been
hanging around Edison,

we would've had
candles for headlights.

Put that in there, Lump.

Yeah, and that in there.

Good. I'll put the cap on.
You get in and start the car.

Let's get out of here.

Boy, I wish I'd
have stayed home.

That makes two of us.

Okay, give her a try, Lump.

[engine stalls]

[phone rings]

Hello?

Who?

Oh, it's one of the Indians.
He wants to talk to the chief.

Fred Rutherford.

Mm-hmm.

Hello, Fred?

Now, Ward, I was just wondering

if you'd heard
anything from the lads.

Well, not yet, Fred, but
they're only a few minutes late.

Now, I'm not worried.

Not with my big
fellow at the wheel.

Oh, I'm not
worried, either, Fred,

because I had Wally
talk to Clarence.

Well, he cautioned him

not to drive in
his usual manner.

All right, Fred, I'll
give you a jingle

the minute they get here.

Good-bye.

Is Fred worried?

Oh, no, he said he just
hopes none of the other lads

have talked Lumpy
into horsing around.

Okay, give it a try, Lump.

[engine stalls]

Stop it, Lump. You're only
wearing down the battery.

Hey, Wally, maybe you better

hike over to the main
highway and call your dad.

Yeah? Well, what am
I going to say to him?

We're not even supposed to
be on the Camelback Cutoff.

He said not to
leave the highway.

Lumpy knows that.

So I know it. That's
not helping us.

It didn't help us going
through the puddle, either.

And if I ever get
out of this mess,

I'm going to squeal
on everybody.

Boy, why did I let you
creeps talk me into this?

Hey, I got it.

Why don't we push the
car to the main highway?

Then when you call your dad

the only thing that happened,
as far as we know it,

the car clonked out.

At least you'll be on a
road you're supposed to.

Yeah, that way we'll
only get half killed.

Well, look, we're not
getting anywhere sitting here.

Let's start shoving.

Ward, now I'm worried.

Those boys should've been
home from Bellport an hour ago.

Now, look, dear,
in the first place,

a track meet never
starts on time.

In the second
place, it drags out.

And on top of that, if you win,

you got to spend 20 minutes
patting each other on the back.

And if you lose, you spend
30 minutes making excuses.

Well, with Lumpy driving,

I'd feel better if
they were here.

That's all.

June, please.

Wally's a good, sensible boy.

There's absolutely
nothing to worry about.

Well, all right.

If you say so.

Hey, come on. Push, Beaver.

What are you doing?
Dragging your feet?

Nah.

Hey, there's a filling
station up ahead.

You can call your
dad from there.

Hey, the phone's over there.

Yeah, Wally, you
can call your dad now.

Yeah, well, look, guys.

Why bother him?

Maybe the guy at the
gas station can fix it for us.

Yeah? And what are we
going to use for money?

Well, we can all chip in.

Are you kidding?

Me put my money in
somebody else's car?

What am I? The
Rockefeller Foundation?

Hey, Wally, I got 50 cents
left over from my eating money.

Well, I've got $3.00

if it will help keep
us out of trouble.

Okay, Eddie, cough up.

All right, I'll put in a buck.

Hi, Dad.

Oh, hi, fellows.

Good afternoon, Mr. Cleaver.

It's good to see you, sir.

How was the track meet?

We won.

Yes, sir,

I was third in the shot
put and sixth in the discus.

Wally won the 100 and
was second in the 220.

And all the girls
were screaming.

Yes, Mr. Cleaver, all in all,

it was a very satisfactory meet.

Well, that's fine.

Eddie, where did you come from?

Oh, well, you see, Mr. Cleaver,

Eddie was supposed
to ride up with me,

but when my car broke down

he had to come up with us
because he's the team manager.

Uh, yes, sir,

Coach Henderson insists
that I always go along

to keep the other chaps in line.

Oh.

Yeah, well, come on, guys.

Let's get our
junk out of the car.

They won the track meet, Mom.

Oh, that's fine.

Boy, am I tired
from all that pushing.

Pushing? What do
you mean by that?

Oh, uh, well, you see, Mom,

at the track meet, you
got to help the guys

push the hurdles
on and off the field.

I think that's what I mean.

Beaver?

Uh, excuse me, Mom.

I'm going to go
up and take a bath

so I won't be all
dirty for supper.

Well, aside from the
car being a little muddy,

judging from the smiles
on the boys' faces,

everything went just fine.

Wish I was as sure as you are.

Why?

Well, when Beaver came in

he didn't want to talk
about the track meet

the way he usually does.

And he volunteered
to take a bath.

Well, of course, he
could be taking a bath

just because he needs a bath.

It's never been
the reason before.

Ward?

Oh, hi, Bill. Have a seat.

No, thanks. I just
wanted to find out

if your boys made it home
okay Saturday afternoon.

My boys? Saturday afternoon?

Yeah, I'm positive I saw
them. Wally and Beaver.

Didn't they have your car?

Well, yeah, as a
matter of fact, they did.

I was on the bus coming
back from the airport

when I saw Wally and the others.

I think Fred's boy
was one of them,

and they were pushing your
car along the Camelback Cutoff.

Along the Camelback Cutoff?

Yeah, they had it almost
back to the main highway

just as the bus came up.

Ward, if I'm
talking out of turn...

Oh, no, no, it's
very interesting

in a lot of ways.

What do you mean, Ward?

For one thing, it explains
why Beaver took that bath.

Boy, Wally, I was sure glad

when that mechanic
got the car started.

Yeah, me, too.

Boy, I sure didn't
want to tell Dad

that we goofed up his car.

Yeah, Dad not finding
out is one of those breaks

kids only get once
in a million years.

[knock on door]

- Hello, fellows.
- Hi, Dad.

Hi, Dad. I already
did my homework.

Yeah, and I'm just helping
Beaver with a model here.

Well, Wally, if you take such
an interest in your brother,

I'm surprised that you didn't
stop and think the other day

that he could've been hurt.

Hurt?

Yes, pushing that heavy car.

Uh, what heavy car is that, Dad?

My car.

On the Camelback Cutoff.

Oh, you know about that, huh?

Well, gee, Dad, Lumpy
said it was a shortcut

and it would save you gas.

And it didn't seem like
anything would go wrong

until we hit the puddle.

Oh? You hit a puddle?

Well, yeah, Lumpy, um...
Well, he thought it would

sort of be fun to
drive through it.

And it was fun, too,

until the motor conked out.

Uh-huh.

Then you were pushing the
car along to the main highway

so you could get
it to a gas station

and have it fixed, huh?

Well, not exactly.

You see, Dad, we
were pushing it there

so you wouldn't catch us.

Yeah, and then...

And then I figured as long
as the car was all fixed,

there was no
sense in telling you

and getting you all upset.

Does that sound like the
right thing to do, Wally?

No, it doesn't now, but
it sure did on Saturday.

Well, gee, Dad, the
guys made Wally do it.

Look, Wally, no guys
can make you do anything.

Now, I let you use
the car the other day,

and you made me
certain promises.

And you broke them.

So it will be a long time

before you have the
use of the car again.

Yes, sir.

Uh, Dad, could I
ask you something?

What?

Well, how did you
find out about all this?

Yeah, Dad, who squealed?

I'm not going to tell
you how I found out.

Well, that's no fair.

Oh, I think it's fair, Wally,

because the next time you
start to do something like this,

you may stop and think

and wonder if I do have some
strange way of finding out.

Maybe it will slow
you down a bit.

Yes, sir.

I think that piece goes there.

Yeah, thanks, Dad.

You know, Ward,
it's hard to imagine

anyone talking Wally
into disobeying us

and taking that back
road on Saturday.

Oh, there's nothing
wrong with Wally, dear.

It's just that when you're out
with a bunch of the fellows,

it's awfully hard not
to be one of the boys.

Why do boys always
follow so much bad advice?

Off hand, I'd say it's because
there's a lot more bad advice

going around than
there is good advice.

Hey, Wally, isn't it spooky
the way parents always find out

what a guy does?

I'll say.

What can a guy do about it?

Well, I guess
about the only thing

you can do about
it is not to do stuff

you don't want your
parents to find out about.

Yeah.

Well, I think I'm going to
brush my teeth and go to bed.

I thought you already
did brush your teeth.

No, I just wet the toothbrush
so Mom would think I did,

but the way things
have been going,

I think I better go in there
and really brush them.

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA