Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963): Season 5, Episode 27 - Beaver the Babysitter - full transcript

[Announcer] Starring...

and...

Hi, Dad.

Hi, Beaver.

Son, I wish you'd pick up the
newspaper they throw on the lawn.

Gee, Dad, I don't have to.

Usually the neighborhood
kids kick them around

until they land on
somebody else's lawn.

Somebody slipped up this time.

Is Wally home?

Yeah, he's in the den
talking to Eddie about girls.



He just kicked me out.

Well, he probably doesn't want
you to hear what he's saying.

Yeah. You know, Dad,

he really gets a
goofy look on his face

when he talks to girls.

His face gets all red and sweaty

like he was catching
a fever or something.

You know, Beaver,
it is a kind of a fever,

and one that you'll be catching

one of these days, probably.

I just hope when I
get to be Wally's age,

they'll have shots
for it or something.

- Hi, dear.
- Hi.

Hi, Dad.



Hey, Mom, could we
eat a little early tonight?

Eddie and I have a date to
take some girls to the show,

and his father's
letting us have the car.

Wait a minute, Wally.

Isn't this the night you're supposed
to baby-sit for the Murdocks?

Oh, boy. I forgot
all about that.

You better call
off your date, son.

But, gee, Dad, I don't
know if I can do that.

I made the date
a whole week ago.

You can't disappoint the Murdocks
when they're counting on you.

Yeah, I know, but...
Hey, wait a minute.

Maybe I could call
one of the other guys,

and they could take over for me.

I'll call a couple
now. Excuse me.

Well, Wally must
really like this girl

if he's willing to give
up earning money

to have a date with her.

I know just how he feels.

When I was his age,

I had a big crush on a
girl in our high school, too.

Her name was Helene Quigley.

Took me almost a year
to get a date with her.

When I finally did,

it was the biggest
event in my life

since my brother let
me wear his long pants.

It's the kind of a thing a
boy remembers all of his life.

Ward, you never
told me about that.

What was this Helene like?

I can't remember.

Yeah, Dad, I called
a bunch of the guys,

but I just couldn't find anybody

that would babysit
for the Murdocks.

I certainly would think
one of your friends

would be anxious to
earn 50 cents an hour.

I guess times have changed.

Most of the guys I know

are going to the
hockey game tonight,

and they've already
paid for their tickets.

But, Wally, you can't
disappoint the Murdocks

at this late hour.

It just wouldn't
be fair to them.

That's right, son.

You made a deal, you
should see it through.

Yeah.

Boy, is Marjorie
going to be sore at me.

And Eddie's going to
be foaming at the mouth,

'cause it was supposed
to be a double date.

If I break my date,

then his girl's mother
probably won't let her go.

Gee, Wally, I wish I was old
enough to make 50 cents an hour

just sitting around
doing nothing.

Yeah, me, too.

Hey, wait a minute.

Mom, Dad, why couldn't
Beaver take over for me?

Oh, well, I don't know.

Gee, Wally, I
don't know anything

about taking care
of creepy little kids.

Don't you got to
give them a bottle

and burp them
and junk like that?

You little goof. Chuckie
Murdock's 5 years old.

All you got to do is sit
around and watch TV with him,

and then shove him into
bed and raid the icebox.

They always have the icebox
full of all kinds of good junk to eat.

No kidding? I'd do that
for only 10 cents an hour.

Wally, I think we better
forget about the whole thing.

Beaver couldn't
possibly be up that late.

But, gee, Mom,

Mrs. Murdock said
they'd be home by 9:30.

Beaver's always goofing
around up in his room until then.

You know, Beaver,
it's quite a responsibility

taking care of
someone else's child.

It's no big deal.

After all, the Murdocks only
live a couple of minutes away.

If Chuckie threw
himself on the floor

and started chewing
the rug or something,

Beaver could call Mom, and
you guys could get over there

before he could eat
enough of it to make him sick.

How about it, Mom,
Dad? Can I, can I?

What do you think, Ward?

There's a first
time for everything.

Perhaps it's time for Beaver
to do his first babysitting.

Oh, boy!

Hey, I'll walk you over to the
Murdocks right after dinner.

It's on the way to
Eddie's anyway.

Dear, don't you think I
should call the Murdocks

and let them know that Beaver's
going to be their babysitter

instead of Wally?

Yes, I'm sure it would
ease the shock a bit.

You know, Wally,
I'm kind of scared.

What are you scared
about, you little goof?

What if Chuckie won't go
to bed when I tell him to,

and starts banging his
head against the wall

or biting me or something?

Look, all you got to do is
let him know that you're boss.

He'll listen to you.

How do I do that?

- Got to use psychology.
- What's that?

That's making a kid do
something he doesn't want to do

because you get him thinking
it's good for him to do it.

Hey, that's neat.
How does it work?

Well, say that Chuckie doesn't
want to go to bed or something.

You tell him how
all the athletes

always go to bed really early,

and doesn't he want to
grow up to be big and strong

so he can be a
champion football player.

Hey, that's what Mom
and Dad used to tell us.

Well, sure, Beav.
That's what I mean.

You just use the same
kind of stuff on him

that Mom and Dad
used to use on us.

And it works, huh?

Well, sure.

Parents have been using
that kind of junk on kids

for hundreds of years.

But what if it doesn't
work on Chuckie?

Am I allowed to hit him?

No, you can't do that.
It's against the law.

Only parents have the legal
right to shove their kids around.

Oh.

Come on, let's go.

Okay, but I got
to call Gilbert first.

You going to call him
up and act like a big shot

now that you got a job, huh?

Well, sure. That's half
the fun of having a job.

Can I give you a hand, dear?

Thanks, but I'm all done.

Well, I timed that
perfectly, didn't I?

You know, honey,
it's a big responsibility,

Beaver being a babysitter.

Yeah, I suppose so.

It's good for him though.
Shows him we trust him.

How did the Murdocks take it?

Well, I had a feeling that if
they weren't stuck for someone,

they'd back out.

I don't blame them.

After all, Beaver's
just a child.

Oh, dear, don't be
like your Aunt Emma.

Remember she used to make
her Frankie wear his rubbers

and carry an umbrella
every time it looked like rain?

And Frankie was 37
years old at the time.

Yes, but it seems
like only yesterday

that we were having a
babysitter in for Beaver.

Hope that little Murdock boy
doesn't give him any trouble.

Now, don't you worry about it.

Beaver's been
coached by an expert.

Wally? I don't know about that.

I remember only last year

when he was babysitting
for that Stuart boy.

We had to rush over
there with a locksmith

because Davey locked
himself in the bathroom,

wouldn't come out, and he
had all the faucets turned on.

Davey just liked to hear
the sound of running water.

I'm sure the Murdock
boy's nothing like that.

I hope you're right.

Dear, you know, that's
not exactly positive thinking.

Of course, on the other hand,

I could call the locksmith,

and sort of have him stand by.

Hello, Gilbert? I just
called you up to tell you

if you're going to call me

and ask me to go to the show
or something, with you tonight,

I can't go on
account of I got a job.

A job? What kind of a job?

I'm going to be a babysitter.

Hey, that's neat.

How much are they
going to pay you?

50 cents an hour.

Gosh, Beaver, if
they stay out all night,

you'll be real rich.

Yeah. Well, I got
to go now, Gilbert.

Wally's waiting for me.

He's going to walk me over
to where I'm going to babysit.

Hey, Beaver, do you
get to hit this little squirt

if he doesn't do
what you tell him?

No. Wally says you're
not allowed to hit him.

Well, at least you're
getting 50 cents an hour

to make up for it.

Yeah. See you, Gilbert.

You don't have to
worry, Mrs. Murdock.

Beaver knows just what to do.

He's real reliable,
aren't you, Beav?

Yeah. Wally told me all about
how to take care of little kids.

I'm glad to hear that, Beaver.

Arthur.

What do you think, Arthur?

Hi, Chuckie. You
remember me, don't you?

Sure. You're the guy

who ate the whole quart of
ice cream without stopping.

Chuckie, this is Beaver.

- Hi, Chuckie.
- Hi, yourself.

Gee, you're a
funny-looking babysitter.

Yeah, I guess I am.

Well, we better get going
if we don't want to be late.

Get your coat, Chuckie.

Mrs. Murdock, you're
taking Chuckie with you?

Yes, of course. That's
the reason we're going.

They're having open house
at Chuckie's nursery school.

Well, then, what did
you want a babysitter for?

We just don't like the
idea of leaving Pat alone.

Oh.

Patricia, we're going now.

I want you to meet your sitter.

I better go get her.

I'll get our coats, dear.

Oh, boy.

I just figured it'd be Chuckie.

Wally, I can't
babysit for a girl.

You've got to, Beaver.

You can't chicken out now.

But I'm ascared of girls.

And how can I tell a
goony girl to go to sleep

so she'll grow up to be a
big, strong football player?

You've got to change all that.

Look, tell her if she
doesn't go to sleep

that she'll get bags
under her eyes,

and she'll get a double chin,

and she'll never grow up to be a
movie star or something like that.

Pat, this is Beaver,
Wally's little brother.

He's going to stay with
you while we're gone.

Hi, Beaver.

Hi.

I've heard an
awful lot about you.

- Yeah? From who?
- From Wally.

But you're a bigger little
squirt than he said you were.

Can we drop you anyplace, Wally?

Yeah. Thanks. You could
drop me over at the Haskells'.

I'm kind of late as it is.

Well, night. We'll
be home early.

There's some sandwiches in the
refrigerator for you and Pat, Beaver.

Bye, dear.

Oh, I'll see you, Beav.

And you remember
what I said, huh?

Yeah.

What are you staring at me for?

Have I got dirt on
me or something?

I think you're
real cute, Beaver.

Ahh.

How old are you?

I'm 12.

How old are you?

I'm 10.

But I like boys bigger than me.

I'm only two years
bigger than you.

I'm real glad you're
my babysitter, Beaver,

instead of your
big dumb brother.

What are you doing, Beaver?

I was looking for a book.

What kind of a book?

You know, a girls' book.

Gee, Beaver, do you
like to read girls' books?

I wasn't going to read it to me.

I was going to read it to you.

I don't want you to
read to me, Beaver.

Anyway, I'm big
enough to read to myself.

Okay.

Then how about me
putting on the TV?

I don't feel like looking at TV.

What do you want to do?

Play games.

Okay. What kind of games?

I want to play house.

House? That's a girl's game.

Well, I'm a girl.

Well, I'm not.

Well, then, you
can be the father,

and I'll be the mother.

You wouldn't want to settle
for Indian wrestling, would you?

If you don't play
house, I'll scream.

You wouldn't do that.

Would you?

Sure, I would.

Okay, okay. I'll play.

What do I do?

I'll show you.

Here. Put this on.

It's my father's hat.

And take this.

Now, you make believe
you're coming home from work.

All right. You just came home.

Hello, dear.

Who you talking to?

You, you dummy.

You're supposed to say
"Hello, dear" to me, too.

I couldn't say "dear" to a girl.

I'd break out in a
rash or something.

Okay, then just say hello.

Hello.

You got a stiff
neck or something?

You're supposed
to kiss my cheek.

That's what my father always does
to my mother when he comes home.

Well, I'm not playing.

Beaver, you want me to scream?

I don't care what you do.

I'm not going to do it.

Okay. Then we'll just
pretend you came home now.

Sit here, dear.

Dinner's all ready.

Father, say hello
to the children.

What children?

Our children, you dummy.

There's Linda and Helen
and Frank and Stanley

and Gerald and Marilyn.

Wait a minute. How many we got?

Well, I thought six
was a nice number,

but if you'd like
eight or 12 better.

Six is okay.

Sit down, dear.

Marilyn, give your
father some room.

Yeah, quit hogging
the whole table, Marilyn.

Gerald was a bad
boy today, Father.

Yah? What did he do?

He tried to sharpen
Helen's new fountain pen

in our pencil
sharpener and broke it.

Okay, Gerald, just for that,

there'll be no
television for a week.

Look what Marilyn's doing.

Marilyn, you know you're not
supposed to slurp your soup,

you little slob.

Sit up straight in your chair.

You don't want to grow
up to be round-shouldered.

We got another creepy kid
around here some place, don't we?

I guess you mean Linda.

Yeah.

Where is she?

She's right there. She's
looking right at you.

Oh. Well, stop
scratching yourself, Linda.

Now, don't you
want to go upstairs

to kiss Jeffrey?

Who's he?

He's our brand-new little baby.

He's upstairs because he's
too little to eat at the table.

Okay, I'll go up and
kiss him after I eat.

Eat, eat, eat.

All right, we ate.
Now what do we do?

Well, I'll wash the dishes
while you look at TV.

Okay.

Wash, wash, wash.

Now, the dishes are all clean.

Is the game over now?

Of course not.

It's tomorrow morning,
and you're going to work.

Don't I get to sleep first?

You already slept.

Don't you remember?

You were up all night because
you had a big fight with your boss.

Oh, yeah. I forgot.

Father, say good-bye
to the children.

Good-bye, children.
I'll see you all tomorrow.

And you, Frank... Go upstairs and
wash your crummy ears. You look a mess.

Boy, that Frank gives us more
trouble than any of the others.

[doorbell rings]

Who is it?

It's me, Beav, Wally.

Hi, Wally, Eddie.

Hi, Beav. We just
thought we'd stop by

and see how you
were getting along.

Well, I'm doing okay.

What are you
made up for, squirt?

You planning on taking
a trip somewhere?

I was just sort
of fooling around.

We're playing house. Beaver's
the father and I'm the mother,

and we've got six children.

Well, ain't that dan-dan-dandy.

She said she was going
to scream if I didn't play.

Boy, wait till Lump and the
other guys hear about this.

They'll flip.

Cut it out, Eddie.
It's Beaver's job.

All right, all right, I'll
keep my mouth shut.

You think I want people to know

that my best friend's
brother is squirrelly?

[car horn honks]

Hey, that's the girls. They're
screaming for lover boy.

Come on, Wally.

Ta-ta, poppa. Ta-ta, momma.

Cut it out, Eddie.

I'll see you at home,
Beav. Night, Pat.

See you, Wally.

Come on, Beaver.
Let's play some more.

I don't want to play that
crummy game anymore.

- I'll scream.
- Go ahead and scream.

Don't you care if I scream?

No.

Then there's no fun in doing it.

Boy, what are the guys going to
say when they hear about this?

For a crummy 50 cents an
hour, I ruined my whole life.

[phone rings]

- Hello?
- Is it Beaver?

Did anything happen?

You have the wrong number.

Thank heavens.

I thought maybe he was
in some kind of trouble.

I can't understand
why he hasn't called us.

Dear, aren't you being
a little inconsistent?

Just a minute ago, you were worried
because you thought he had phoned.

Now you're worried
because he hasn't phoned.

Well, I can't help wondering how
he's getting along over at the Murdocks'.

I'm sure he's getting along
fine, or he'd have called us.

That was our arrangement.

Don't you think maybe we
ought to call him and find out?

No, I don't think we should.

I think he ought to have the
feeling of being on his own...

At least, for another half hour.

How can you just sit
there and read your paper?

Well, it isn't easy, dear.

The news is pretty dull tonight.

Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.

The Murdocks brought me home.

Well, hi, Beav. How'd it go?

Yes, Beaver, how'd it go?

Okay.

Chuckie give you any trouble?

Mr. and Mrs. Murdock took Chuckie
to an open house at his nursery school,

so I babysitted
for their little girl.

A girl?

Yeah.

Her name is Patty,
and she's 10 years old

and she goes to my school.

Well now, isn't that nice?

Yes, you've got quite
a break there, Beaver.

I imagine a little girl was a
lot quieter than a little boy.

Yeah, I guess she
was a lot quieter,

but she made me play a
stupid game called house,

and I had to pretend
we had six children.

Well, I guess I'll go to bed.

- Good night, Beav.
- Good night, Beaver.

Mom, can I stay home
from school tomorrow?

Stay home? Why, are you sick?

Not yet.

What do you mean, not yet?

I might get awful sick, having
to go to school tomorrow

and see that creepy Patty.

Oh, Beaver. My goodness.
There's so many girls in your school,

you might not even run into her.

Of course, Beaver. And if you do, she'll
probably have forgotten all about it.

Well, okay, Dad.

But I don't think she's the
kind of girl that forgets stuff.

Ward, you think Beaver was
embarrassed, taking care of a girl?

Well, if he wasn't,
he's no son of mine.

Hey Beav, how much
did they pay you?

They gave me a
whole dollar and a half.

Hey, that's neat.

I asked my father if
could babysit sometime.

What did he say?

He said no.

He wants me to stay
home and watch my sister.

But your sister's 17, isn't she?

Yeah. I think that's why
he wants me to watch her.

Oh.

Hello, Beaver.

Hi.

Hey, Beav, who's
the creepy girl?

Oh, that's Chuckie's
nutty sister.

I liked playing house
with you last night, Beaver.

It was lots of fun.

Cut it out, will you? You don't
have to talk about that here.

Playing house?

Hey Beaver, did you play
house with this creepy girl?

Ah, don't pay
attention to her, Gilbert.

She's just some sort
of a nut. Come on.

I told my mother and father

you're the best babysitter
in the whole world.

Hey, Beav, did you
babysit for this girl?

Listen, Gilbert, don't you tell any
of the guys, or I'll sock you one.

Okay, but I wouldn't
babysit for a girl

for a zillion dollars.

Well, they sort of
tricked me into it.

Will you quit
following me around?

Beav, you want
me to trip her up?

No, I know how
to get rid of her.

Boy, Wally, it was
really terrible today.

Gilbert was giving me the
business the whole time.

And then that Patty,
she had to follow me

up and down the halls at school.

She sat next to
me in the cafeteria

and stared at me the
whole time I was eating.

Look, Beaver, she's probably
just got a crush on you.

Why would any girl have a
crush on me? I'm kind of a mess.

Sure you are, but you're
not enough of a mess

to scare her away.

I don't know what to do, Wally.

Maybe I should ask Mom and Dad

to send me to a boarding
school in Alaska or something.

How can you tell, Beaver?

Even if they did, you'd probably
have some little Eskimo girl

trying to rub noses
with you or something.

Oh, thanks a lot,
Wally. You're a big help.

[knock at door]

Beaver, Mrs.
Murdock just called.

They're going to go to a
party on Saturday night,

and they'd like to
have you babysit again.

With Chuckie?

No, with Pat and Chuckie.

Oh. Well, uh, gee, Mom, on
Saturday, I think I got to, uh...

I could babysit
for the Murdocks.

But they asked for Beaver.

Yeah, but I think...

I think Beaver's supposed to go to
the movies with Gilbert or something.

Aren't you, Beaver?

Yeah, I think I'm supposed
to do something like that.

Well, I guess they don't mind.

All right, honey, I'll tell
them you can make it.

Boy, Wally, that was really
neat of you, volunteering like that.

Just like the guy in
A Tale of Two Cities

who volunteered to have his
head chopped off for his pal.

Look, don't make
a big deal out of it.

I'm not doing anything Saturday.

And anyway, I know how to handle
that Pat Murdock better than you do.

Yeah? How do you do that?

I got her fooled into
thinking I'm an adult.

How can you fool her like that?

Well, first of all,
whenever I go over there,

I always wear an overcoat.

And then, if she ever
asks me anything stupid,

I just kind of stare at
her and try to look smart.

Yeah, I guess that's all
there is to being an adult.

Well, that might not be all,

but at least it's enough
to fool a little kid like Pat.

Hey Beav, how come that Pat Murdock
doesn't follow you around anymore

or stare at you when
you're eating and stuff?

I don't know, but I think
it's got something to do

with my brother
acting like an adult.

Oh.

You know, Gilbert, I wouldn't
tell it to any of the other guys.

What is it?

Well, I kind of
miss her doing that.

Miss her? Boy, Beaver, are
you going flaky or something?

No, but it was real neat
having somebody around

that you could tell to get lost.

Yeah, I guess it is.

I wonder what you do about
that when you get older.

I don't know. I think
you get married,

and then you can tell your
wife to leave you alone.

Yeah. It's neat the
way it works, isn't it?

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA