Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963): Season 5, Episode 12 - Wally's Chauffeur - full transcript

Starring...

and...

Hi, Beav. Hey, how do I look?

Real neat.

You got your job back
selling ice cream bars again?

No, you little goof, it's
a white dinner jacket.

I rented it for the
dance Saturday night.

Gee, won't you feel creepy
walking around in an outfit like that?

Sure, but everybody
else is wearing them,

and when everybody
else feels funny,

you don't feel so funny.



Yeah. I guess it's like

when everybody goes
swimming in the YMCA pool

without any suits on.

This is a big, fancy
thing Saturday night.

They're holding it
up at the country club,

and I'm taking Evelyn Boothby.

Yeah. I figured if you were going
anyplace looking that squirrely,

there'd be girls mixed up in it.

What are you talking about?

You took a girl to your
dancing school dance.

Yeah, but me and
Gilbert have got a pact.

We hate girls.

But it's easier on him.

How come?



'Cause he's got a sister,

and he learned to hate girls

without even leaving the house.

Hey, Wally, how are
you getting to the dance?

Lumpy Rutherford's
taking a bunch of us guys

- in his car.
- How much of a bunch?

I think there'll be
about eight of us.

Is Dad letting you do that?

Gee, I don't know.

I haven't asked him yet.

You better ask him, Wally.

It sounds like
one of those things

he's liable to
blow his top about.

Why would he do that?

I don't know.

I guess 'cause it sounds like

it'd be too much fun.

Well, Wally, how's the
dinner jacket you rented?

I guess it'll be okay
once I get used to it.

Who are you and Evelyn
going to the dance with?

Lumpy Rutherford.

Oh. Clarence have a date?

That was part of the deal.

He said he'd take a
bunch of us guys in his car

if we lined him up with a date.

You were successful in
getting a date for Lumpy, huh?

Yeah. Susan Bean.

Well, I'm glad Lumpy has a date.

I hate to see anyone left out.

Yeah. He's only charging
us 80 cents a couple

to haul us up to the
country club in his heap.

How many couples
are going in his heap?

Oh, about four, I think.

Four couples in one car?

Wally, that's disgraceful.

Gee, Mom, Lumpy had
that many in the front seat

coming home from
the football game.

Wally, look, you can't
expect Evelyn to ride in a car

with six other people.

Her dress and her
corsage will be ruined

before she even
gets to the dance.

Yes, and I don't go
along with it, either,

just from the
standpoint of safety.

But, golly, Mom,

we got the whole thing planned.

We're all going
over there together,

and then after the dance,

we're going out for
eats and everything.

I'm sorry, Wally,

but I think between
now and next Saturday,

you'd better find another
way to go to the dance.

That's too many
people in one car.

And I happen to know
Lumpy's had two or three tickets.

But at this late date, all
the rides will be taken.

Well, Wally, I'm sure
your father'd be glad

to drive you to the club.

Bring you back, too.

I'd be glad to.

Gee, Dad, I'm too old
to have you drive me.

Evelyn would think I'm some
kind of a square or something.

Well, Wally, look,

lots of your friends have cars.

Maybe one of Evelyn's
girlfriends could take you.

Drive with a girl?

Oh, Mom.

Gee, Mom, having
a girl drive you,

that'd be worse than
riding with your father.

You know what I mean, Dad.

Yes, Beaver, it's very plain.

Wally, I think we've
talked enough about this.

Between now and Saturday,

you find another way
to get to the dance.

Okay, Dad. I'll try.

But the whole evening's ruined

before it even gets here.

Can I be excused?

If you've had enough, yes.

I'm all finished, too.
May I be excused?

Yes.

Boy, Wally, looks like
you're going to be stuck

to have Dad drive
you to the dance.

A guy my age who's got
his own rented dinner jacket

can't have his daddy

drive him to a
country club dance.

If Lumpy and all the guys saw
me getting out of my dad's car,

I'd just about die.

Maybe you could get Dad
to wear a chauffeur's cap.

Look, Beaver, will
you do me a favor

and just don't be funny?

What if I can't
get another ride?

What am I supposed to
do, take Evelyn on the bus?

Oh, boy, that'd be neat.

She'd really think
I was a creep then.

Yeah, and wearing that suit,

people might come up
and ask you for ice cream

if you were on a bus.

Boy, Wally, what
are you going to do?

Evelyn was counting
on a big evening

going in Lumpy's car with
all her friends and everything.

Guess I'll just have to tell her

the deal's off, and we
can't ride with Lumpy.

What if she gets sore and
starts screaming and bawling?

I don't know.

I guess that's the
chance you got to take

when you start messing
around with girls.

Well, if she does get
sore at you, Wally,

it won't be too bad.

What do you mean?

On Saturday night, you
and me can stay home

and watch this new movie
they got on television.

It's real neat.

It's all about the
South Sea islands,

and they throw
this girl princess

into a volcano while
everybody sings.

Ah.

Yes?

Hi, Mr. Boothby.

Oh, yes, Wally. How are you?

Come on inside.

You're letting the flies out.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Yeah, thanks.

Well, Wally, you're
just about the main topic

around this household,

what with that dance
coming up Saturday night.

I guess you're looking
forward to it, huh?

Yes, sir, I was.

I mean, yes, sir, I am.

Sit down, old
man. I'll get Evelyn.

She's been running
around in circles

getting ready for this affair.

Excuse me.

Thank you.

Evelyn, you have company.

It's a very handsome
young gentleman.

Wally, this is a surprise.

Hi, Evelyn.

I was going to call
you on the phone,

but I thought I better come
over and see you instead.

Am I ever glad you did.

You sit right down here.

Wait till you see this.

Don't go away.

Isn't this the yummiest
bag you ever saw?

Yeah. Yeah, it's real yummy.

I've got gloves
and shoes to match.

Look, Evelyn...

Did you get that
white dinner jacket

you were telling me about?

Yeah. Yeah, I got it.

I bet you look
real dreamy in it.

Yeah, I look pretty dreamy.

I mean, yeah, it's all right.

Look, Evelyn, the
reason I came over here...

Yes, Wally?

Well, I came over
here to tell you that,

due to unavoidable
circumstances,

we're not going to be able to
go to the dance in Lumpy's car.

Oh. He didn't
take it apart again?

Oh, no, it's nothing like that.

But my parents just don't
want us riding with him.

You know, on account of
all those kids piling in there,

and him getting all those
tickets and everything.

But we had it all planned.

And I told all the kids.

This will ruin the
whole evening.

Gee, Evelyn, if you want to
call off the date or something...

I don't want to
call off the date.

We'll just have to
think of some other way.

Yeah, but I kind of
hate to call up the guys

at the last minute
and beg for a ride.

Look, Wally, why
don't you let me call up

some of the other kids?

I'll think of a way for us
to get a ride somehow.

Wally, I wouldn't miss
going to that dance

for anything in the
world. Would you?

Well, no.

And I wouldn't want
to lose the deposit

on my dinner jacket
and everything.

Don't you worry. I'll
take care of everything.

We'll get a ride somehow.

That'll be great, Evelyn.

I guess I'll see you
in school tomorrow.

Okay.

And thanks for not bawling
and screaming at me.

Wally didn't stay
very long, did he?

Huh-uh.

Daddy, isn't Wally
just the yummiest ever?

"Yummy."

Yes, well, your mother and I

have always thought of
him as a very nice, safe boy.

Daddy, I want to
ask you a favor.

Now, Evelyn,

your mother already got
you the gloves, the shoes...

No, that's not what I mean.

There was a change in plans,

and Wally and I have no way
of getting to the dance Saturday.

It came up at the last minute.

Well, dear, I'll be very happy
to drive you both to the dance.

Oh, I know you would,
but I have another idea.

Oh?

Well, since it's such a
grown-up affair and everything,

and since I do have
my driver's license now,

could I borrow the car?

Now, Evelyn... Oh, please?

Well, as long as it's
the Cleaver boy, all right.

Don't you think that
Wally's going to be

a little embarrassed
having a girl as a chauffeur?

Oh, no, not Wally.

He's the kind of boy

that isn't
self-conscious at all.

Thanks, Daddy. This'll
take care of everything.

Boy, Wally, if you were a crook,

you could sure cross
up a bloodhound.

Huh?

You got so many different
kinds of smelly stuff all over you,

a bloodhound wouldn't
know which one to sniff for.

Hey, Beav, is my
collar down in back?

Yeah, it's okay.

You weren't even looking.

What difference does it make?

You dance with
a girl frontwards.

Hey, Wally, a car
just drove up out front.

Oh, yeah? Is it a kid's
car or a grown-up's car?

It's got four doors on it,

so it must be a grown-up car.

Boy, I sure hope Evelyn
isn't having her father drive us.

If he is, maybe you
could get him to let you off

a couple of blocks
from the dance.

At least having someone
else's father drive you

isn't quite as bad as having
your own father drive you.

Hey, the door just opened,
and somebody's getting out.

Oh, yeah? Is it her father?

Not unless he's wearing
a long, fancy dress

and a bunch of
flowers on his chest.

Holy mackerel!

That's Evelyn.

Yeah, and there's
nobody else in the car.

Oh, no. She's driving
us to the dance.

Why didn't she tell me?

See, Wally?

That's what you
get for trusting a girl.

I'll get it, dear.

Oh, hello, Evelyn. Come on in.

Hello, Mrs. Cleaver.
Hello, Mr. Cleaver.

Hello there.

Oh, Evelyn, your
outfit is just lovely.

Golly, thanks. I
hope Wally likes it.

If he doesn't, I'll
have a talk with him.

Come on in, Evelyn.
Wally will be down soon.

Honey, why don't you go up and
see if you can hurry him along?

All right. Good idea.

Come on.

Oh, say, Beav.

Yeah, Dad?

Run upstairs and tell Wally

that Evelyn's down
here, will you?

He knows she's here.

Oh. Well, I guess
he'll be right down then.

I don't think so.

Why not?

I think he went in the
bathroom to get sick first.

Sick?

Hello, Beaver.

Beaver, don't you think Evelyn
looks like quite the young lady?

You sure do.

You look like somebody's aunt.

What happened, Wally?

Where do you feel sick?

All over, I guess.

You were all right at supper
tonight. When did it hit you?

When Evelyn drove up in her car.

Wally, is that all?

Is that all?

Holy mackerel, Dad.

How can you stand
there and say, "Is that all?"

Can you picture
a girl driving me up

in front of the country club

with all the guys
standing there,

laughing and sneering?

Golly, Dad, I'd rather walk into
the ballroom in my underwear.

Son, I really don't think it's
that much of a social disaster.

Gee, Dad, I didn't think it was
that long since you were a kid.

I'd rather croak.

It was so sweet of Daddy
to let me take the car.

I imagine you're
a very good driver.

How many speeding
tickets have you gotten?

Why, none, Beaver.

Oh.

I wonder what's happened
to Wally and his father.

Would you excuse me?

Beaver, you keep
Evelyn entertained.

Who, me?

You smell pretty good, Evelyn.

Thank you, Beaver.

Wally smells good, too.

But you smell
better than he does.

What's keeping you two?

Evelyn's waiting.

Wally doesn't want to go.

Doesn't want to go? Why not?

Because Evelyn's driving.

Oh, for heaven's
sakes. Is that all?

Oh, boy, Mom, you're
just as bad as Dad.

What's this all about?

Look, Mom, don't you realize?

If a girl drives me
to that dance tonight,

I'm not going to be
able to show my face

in this whole town again.

Now, son, everyone
has problems like this.

I face lots of situations
where I'm embarrassed.

Gee, Dad, you're just saying
that to make me feel good.

A guy your age is too old
to have his feelings hurt.

Wally, none of us
are too old for that.

If you act embarrassed
and self-conscious,

you're just going to make
this whole matter worse.

But if you carry it
off with good grace,

and keep your sense of humor,

you'll see it through just fine.

How can I keep my sense
of humor when I'm dying?

Wally, look, Evelyn went to
a lot of trouble and expense

for this dance, and she's
counting on you to take her.

That's right, and you're not
letting her down at the last minute.

You're going to take this
dinner jacket downstairs,

you're going to drive to
the dance with that girl,

and you're going to have a
good time. Do you understand?

Yes, sir.

I'm going to take
this dinner jacket,

and I'm going to go down

and I'm going to have
her drive me to that dance,

and I'm going to
have a good time.

That's better, Wally.

Come on, let's see a big smile.

Boy, I sure wish this
was a masquerade party.

I wish Wally would hurry.

I wouldn't want us to be late.

Oh, it's okay.

With Mom and Dad both
up there working on him,

he'll have to give
in sooner or later.

Is something the
matter with Wally?

Oh, no.

He wasted a lot of
time taking a bath,

and I guess that
slowed him down.

Well, here we are.

Hi, Evelyn.

Hi, Wally.

Oh, you look sharp.

Gee, thanks.

You look pretty sharp, too.

Thank you.

Well, I guess we'd
better get going.

Oh, Wally, I have a surprise.

Oh?

Daddy let me borrow the car,

so I'm taking you to the dance.

You don't mind, do you?

Mom and Dad said you might mind,

But I said not Wally.

He's different than other boys.

Yeah, sure.

Good night, Mrs. Cleaver.
Good night, Mr. Cleaver.

- Good night.
- Have a good time.

Be sure you drive carefully.

Oh, and, Wally, I
talked to Mary Ellen

and some of the other kids,

and they're going to wait outside
so we can all go in together.

Oh, boy. That's neat.

I'll bet they didn't
have this much trouble

launching the Queen Mary.

Beaver, what are you doing?

I want to see if she hits
anything when she drives away.

There's some of the kids.

Mary, Alice.

Hey, guys, do you
see what I see?

Hey, Mr. Cinderella.

Who's driving your pumpkin?

What happened, Wally?

Did they make you
Queen For a Day?

What's the matter, Wally?
Wouldn't Daddy let you drive?

Knock it off, you guys.

Don't pay any
attention to them, Wally.

Hey, Wally, how come you're
not wearing the corsage?

Hey, guys, after the dance, we
really got to cook something up

to give him the business.

Oh, we've had some
laughs. Let's knock it off.

Yeah. Wally's a nice guy.

I know, but that's
what makes it fun.

Well, you'll have to admit
that some of those old movies

are pretty romantic.

Ward.

Ward.

Huh? Yep, yep.

How long have you been sleeping?

Oh, not long.

I fell asleep right
toward the end there

where the boy and girl
were climbing hand in hand

toward the top of the mountain.

That was the commercial.

It was very touching.

Come on, we'd
better get out of here.

That dance is due to be over.

It'll look as though
we're waiting up for Wally.

If they just got a little more
plot in that commercial,

they'd really have something.

We got to work fast, guys,
before Wally and Evelyn come out.

Let's go.

Wally, I had a
perfectly heavenly time.

Didn't you?

Yeah. I didn't think I was
going to have any fun at all.

I mean, I was kind of down.

What's the matter, Wally?

Why doesn't your lady
chauffeur drive you home?

All right, Lumpy,
quit the clowning.

Why don't you help her, Wally?

I don't think he knows how to
drive the big bad automobile.

Look, Lumpy...

Are you going to get that
heap out of here or not?

Gee, Wally, there's
plenty of room.

I'm sure Evelyn can
horse her car out of here.

Look, Lumpy, if you don't get that
hunk of junk out of here right now,

I'm going to clobber you.

Of course, Wallace.

What did I do with that key?

Did I give it to you?

Heavens, Clarence, no.

Look, Lumpy...
Whose car is this?

It's my car, Officer, sir,

but I didn't do
anything wrong, sir.

There's an ordinance
against parking in a red zone.

Let me see your license.

While I'm writing this ticket,

move your car, let
the young lady get out.

Yes, sir.

There's one headlight, huh?

I was meaning to
get that fixed, sir.

How about those illegal pipes?

Been meaning to
get those fixed, too?

You see, I just borrowed
it for the evening.

It's my father's car.

Oh, sure.

Hey, Evelyn, it looks like Lumpy's
going to be tied up here a while.

Can Sue and I ride with you?

Sure. Hop in.

Can we have a lift, too, Evelyn?

Sure. Why not?

Hey, how about Marge
and me? Can we go, too?

Mm-hmm.

Hey, guys, how about if we
all go over to the malt shop

for some hamburgers and junk?

We'll go, too.

Yeah, good idea. Let's go.

Then we went and got some
hamburgers and malts and stuff,

and Evelyn drove us all home.

Boy, it's too bad that
policeman showed up.

You could have smeared
Lumpy all over the street.

He was just horsing around.

Wally, did you really
have a good time?

Yeah.

You know, it's a funny thing.

After we got there,
and I started dancing

and eating and everything,

I got thinking about
Evelyn driving.

It really seemed kind of funny.

We even got a
few laughs out of it.

When I thought of it that
way, it wasn't bad at all.

Hey, how about that?

What's the matter now?

What I just said

is the same thing Dad said
would happen before I left.

Boy, that's real
spooky, isn't it?

But how come you didn't
listen to him when he told you?

I guess when
parents are telling you

you can't do something
you want to do,

you don't listen as hard
as when they're telling you

you can do something
you want to do.

Yeah, I know. That
happens to me a lot.

But how does Dad know all this
stuff that's going to happen to kids?

Dad probably went
through a lot of creepy stuff

when he was a kid.

Oh, no, not a big guy like Dad.

What are you
talking about, Beav?

Dad wasn't always a big guy.

He was probably a goofy
little kid just like we were.

Probably somebody had
to tell him to take a bath

and put on clean
underwear and everything,

just like us.

Yeah, maybe so, Wally.
But you know something?

I'm sure glad I'm not the
guy that had to tell him.

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA