Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963): Season 5, Episode 13 - Beaver's First Date - full transcript

Starring...

and...

You spying on the
neighbors again?

No, I'm watching for Beaver

to come home
from dancing school.

Oh, I guess that is an
important homecoming.

It certainly is.

Do you know for
the past two years

he's talked his way out of
attending almost half the classes

with one excuse or another?

He'll probably come
home with a new alibi today.



I think the last time,

he had some story about
the flower decorations

giving him an allergy.

And the time before,

he said the waltzes
gave him a charley horse.

Well, you know, I think

the basic trouble is an allergy.

Boys his age are just
naturally allergic to little girls.

Oh, here he comes.

I suppose we'll hear
some new reason now

why he should abandon
the social graces.

Dear, if he's very upset,
let's not be too hard on him.

Yeah.

Well, Beaver, did
you have a good time



with all your nice little
friends at dancing school?

Yeah, son, did you learn some
interesting new steps today?

Gee, Mom and Dad,

you don't have to tell
me all that happy stuff.

I really had a good time.

You really did?

Sure. I had one
of the best times

I ever had in my whole life.

Ward, I can't believe it.

Well, neither can I.

When a boy his age suddenly
says he likes dancing school,

he's either covering up
for something he's done,

or he's downright abnormal.

Beaver, you mean...

You mean you really
like dancing school?

Well, sure. I stayed
the whole two hours,

and I had a good time.

Well, what did they do,

give every kid a free quart
of ice cream or something?

No.

Well, I liked it because
of something else.

Well, what else?

If I tell you,

you promise you
won't tell anybody else?

Well, sure, I promise.

I liked it because of a girl.

A girl?

Not so loud, Wally.

Wow, Beaver.

I never thought I'd
hear you say that

in a million years.

Well, Wally, I'm really
not saying I like girls.

I'm just saying I
sort of like one girl.

Well, look, that's the
way the whole thing starts.

Now who is she?

Well, her name
is Betsy Patterson,

and she's a new girl,

and she just started in
our dancing school today.

Is she pretty?

I don't know. I guess so.

Well, Beaver, if you don't know

if she's pretty or
that kind of stuff,

what makes you like her so much?

I don't know. I guess
because she's brand new.

Well, I guess Mom and Dad

aren't going to have
to twist your arm

to go to dancing
school next week.

Oh, it's not just dancing
school next week.

Mrs. Thompson's
having a whole big deal

with eats and ice cream,

and you're supposed
to invite the girl you want

way ahead of time.

I guess you already
invited Betsy, huh?

No, I didn't.

I was too busy getting
used to her being a girl

to even talk to her.

Yeah. I guess I
remember how it was

when I was your age.

Hey, Wally, do you think

Mom and Dad will buy
me a new suit for the party?

Beaver, what's
wrong with that suit?

You've been wearing
it for a whole year.

Yeah, well, look.

Yeah, I guess the
sleeves are a little short.

But you never
worried about it before.

Yeah. But all of a sudden,

I don't want girls
looking at my wrists.

Yeah. I guess Dad
might buy you a new suit.

But gee, Wally, if I tell
Dad I want a new suit,

he's going to ask
me what I want it for.

And if I had to tell
him I liked a girl,

I think I'd get sick
right in the den.

Yeah, I think I
know how you feel.

Maybe you better talk to Mom.

Yeah. I guess moms
are better for mushy stuff.

Yeah. She's not to apt to
come right out and laugh at you.

Beaver, it's nice of you
to help me with the dishes.

Oh, sure, Mom.

And it was nice of Wally

to have Dad help him
with his homework.

Is there something
you wanted to ask me?

Oh, no, Mom. Nothing at all.

Well, maybe there
is one thing, Mom.

Could I have a new suit?

A new suit?

Well, is it for some
special occasion?

Oh, no. No special occasion.

It's just that when a
guy takes a girl out

for the first time, he
wants to look nice.

You're going to take out a girl?

Well, they're having a party
at dancing school next week,

and Whitey and Richard
and all the guys are going,

and you got to invite a
girl, just like it was for real.

Oh.

Who are you going to invite?

Oh, well, you got to invite a
girl from the dancing school,

and as long as they're
making you do that,

I figured I'd invite
a girl named Betsy.

And can I have the new suit?

Well, I guess you
are about due for one.

That's what I figured

because a guy my age
shouldn't go running around

with bare wrists.

This Betsy, what's
her last name?

I don't know. I think it's
something like Patterson.

Oh, well, I know her mother.

If you want to, I'll
call up Mrs. Patterson,

and I'll make the
arrangements for you.

Oh, no, Mom.

That would make me look

like some sort of a
baby or something.

I thought maybe later on

I'd just look up her number
in the telephone book

and give her a ring.

Hey, Mom, this
dish is still dirty.

You'd better do it over again.

Oh, well, thank you, Beaver.

And thank you for helping
me with the dishes tonight.

I think I can finish up now.

Okay, Mom.

Well, we're all done
with the homework.

Well, we're all
done with the dishes.

Well, I know why he's so
happy about dancing school.

Oh?

It's a girl.

- A girl?
- Mm-hmm.

Oh, he had a fight with
her and beat her up.

Just the opposite.

I think he's found one he likes.

Our Beaver likes a girl?

Uh-huh. Her name
is Betsy Patterson,

and he's taking her to a
dance next Saturday night,

and he wants a new suit.

Oh, now, wait a minute.

I don't like the idea of
sixth graders having dates.

Oh, it's nothing
like that, dear.

It's just that Beaver's
dancing school

is having a little party.

It's Mrs. Thompson's way

of teaching the children manners

and preparing
them for the future.

Oh.

Well, I don't quite see

how it's going to help
us conquer outer space,

but I suppose I'll
have to go along with it.

What's the matter?

I don't know.

All of a sudden, I got nervous,

and I couldn't remember
who I was calling.

Yeah, I think I know
how you feel, Beaver.

The first time I called a girl,

I got the hiccups.

But gee, Wally, you
went through it a lot.

What do you say to them?

Look, why don't you say, um,

it was nice meeting her

and that it was a
very pretty dress

that she was wearing.

Ah, cut it out, Wally.

I couldn't talk
about a girl's dress

even on the telephone.

Well, look, then
why don't you just say

"I think it'll be a very
lovely affair Saturday,

and would you care to
accompany me to the dance?"

Yeah, I guess I could say that.

I just hope I can remember it.

What's the matter now?

I just thought, What if
her mother answers?

Oh, it usually pays to
be real nice to mothers.

If she answers, you should say
"Good evening, Mrs. Patterson.

"I hope I'm not disturbing you,

but may I please
speak to Betsy?"

Okay.

What if her father answers?

Oh, when that happens,
I usually just hang up.

Okay.

Oh, hello, Mrs. Patterson.

I hope I'm not
disturbing you, but...

Oh, hello, Betsy.

Huh?

She wants to know who I am.

Well, tell her, you little goof.

Oh.

Well, this is Be... I
mean Theodore Cleaver.

You know, the kid who
was making the funny noises

at dancing school.

Well, like Mrs. Thompson said,

we got to invite somebody
to that thing on Saturday,

and as long as they're
making us do that,

I figured I might
as well ask you.

Yeah? Well, okay. Good-bye.

Beaver, what's the
matter with you?

That's no way to
invite a girl to a dance.

Maybe it's not, but
she said she'd go.

♪♪

Sounds like Wally and
Beaver are playing records.

Yeah. And on this one, I
can recognize the melody.

Maybe the boys are growing up.

Well, I guess it's all right.

They've done their homework.

Hmm.

I wonder what she's like.

Who?

Betsy Patterson.

Oh. She's probably
some unhappy little female

whose mother scrubbed her up

and dragged her
down to dancing school.

Dear, if parents don't
make their children

go to things like
dancing school,

they're going to grow up to
be crude, rough teenagers.

Well, June, growing up to
be a crude, rough teenager

is the goal of every
red-blooded American boy.

♪♪

Gee, Wally, what's the matter?

You're the crummiest
dancer I ever saw.

Man, Beaver, just look at you.

You dance like a duck,

your shirttail's having out,

you haven't had
a bath in two days,

your hair's all full of sand.

Boy, if I was a girl
and I saw you coming,

I'd run a million miles.

Gee, Wally, I'll be taking a
bath between now and Saturday.

Well, that'll help a little,

but you're still a mess.

I'm just glad I don't
have to be there

when you make a fool
out of yourself, that's all.

Ah, come on, Wally.

Try it with me just once more.

Okay, but just don't
breathe on me, huh?

♪♪

Hello.

Oh, hello, Mrs. Thompson.

It's Beaver's dancing teacher.

Yes, Beaver told us
about the party next week.

Mr. Cleaver and I think
it's such a sweet idea.

Wally?

Oh, that's right.

He is one of your
old pupils, isn't he?

Well, now, isn't
that an original idea.

Yes, I'm sure Wally
would be delighted.

Well, thank you for
calling, Mrs. Thompson.

Good-bye.

What's she trying to do,

sign Wally up for a
post-graduate course?

No. It's about the
dance Saturday night.

She thinks, instead
of having adults,

it would be nice to
have former students

like Wally and
Clarence Rutherford

to act as chaperones.

She thinks the younger
children like Beaver

would feel less self-conscious.

Well, that's fine,

but just how do you know
Wally will be delighted?

Well, Ward, if he's not,

I'm counting on
you to see that he is.

Wally, Beaver.

What is it, Mom?

I want to come in.

What for?

I want to see if
you're dressed all right

for the dance tonight.

Gee, Mom, we're old enough

to know if we're dressed right.

Oh, well... well, let me come in

and at least straighten
up your bathroom.

Uh, would you mind

coming back a little later, Mom?

We might have to
kind of clean it up

so you can get in
to straighten it up.

Well, how are they doing?

I don't know. They
wouldn't let me in.

Oh. Well, that's normal.

What do you mean it's normal?

I'm their mother.

Well, that's why it's normal.

Don't worry, dear.

You'll have plenty of
time to fuss over them

when they come downstairs.

Just be thankful
Wally's going along.

Oh, I am. And I
have to hand it to you

for talking him into going.

Well, if I do say so myself,

I handled a difficult situation,

uh, rather diplomatically.

Hey, Wally, when
Mom first asked you

about being a chaperone,

you squawked all over the place.

How come all of a sudden
you changed your mind?

Well, because Dad
gave me a lecture

about family responsibility

- and $5.00.
- Oh.

Dad sure knows how to
talk to kids, doesn't he?

Hey, Wally, do you
think Betsy will like me?

How do I look?

Well, you got your new suit on,

and you're clean and everything,

but didn't you say
Betsy got a kick

out of you making
those funny noises?

Yeah. She laughed
and everything.

As long as you got
that working for you,

you better keep making them.

Hey, Wally, you're taking
that Julie Foster, aren't you?

Yeah. Mrs. Thompson
called up her mother

and got her to be
a chaperone, too.

Do you think her mother
had to pay her $5.00?

Ah, you don't
have to bribe girls

to go to dances
and parties and stuff.

They got a natural instinct

for standing around
looking stupid.

Boys, it's time to go!

Okay, Mom. Be right there.

Come on. Let's go.

- What are you doing?
- Nothing.

I just want to see how I look

in case somebody sneaks
up on me from behind.

Well, this is a big
night for Beaver, huh?

Yes, and you know what
makes me feel a little bit sad.

Going out on his first date.

June, this is not a real date.

This is just another of those
pre-arranged tribal rituals

to get another $3.00
and a half out of us.

My, my, my.

Now aren't you a
handsome-looking young gentleman?

Yeah, Mom. Doesn't
he look crazy?

How do you think I look, Dad?

Beaver, I think
you look just fine.

Boy, I wish I felt as good
as everybody says I look.

Here, boys. Here's a
corsage for each of you.

Gee, Mom, do we got
to wear these things?

Of course not, you
dummy. They're for the girls.

And, Beaver, I want you
to watch your manners.

And don't give Mrs.
Thompson any trouble,

and if there's a receiving line,

I want you to shake
hands with everybody.

I'm not going.

Oh, come on now, Beaver.
Of course you're going.

Why, Beaver, you don't want
to disappoint Betsy, do you?

I'd disappoint her more

if I got sick when I got there.

Ah, I think you're
going to be just fine.

Sure, Beav.

When you get there
and see all your friends,

you'll feel right at home.

Come on. We better get going.

The eats usually run out
early at these kind of things.

Bye, Mom. Bye, Dad.

- Good night, fellas.
- Bye.

Good-bye, Mom. Good-bye, Dad.

Have a good time.

Gee, Wally, I'm scared.

Well, sure you are, Beaver.

You're supposed to be scared.

Look, the first time I
went to dancing school,

I was scared to death,

and I only had to dance
with Eddie Haskell.

Yeah, but you've been to
a lot of dances since then,

and you know
how to talk to girls

just like they were fellas.

Look, Beaver, tonight
all you have to do

is watch me and do what I do.

That's a good idea. I'll
do everything you do.

That's the receiving line.

We got to go meet them all.

Gee, Wally, I don't know
if I know enough manners

to be polite to
that many people.

You'll be okay.

Just do what I do.

Good evening, Mrs. Thompson.

It was sure nice
of you to invite me.

Good evening, Wallace.
It was nice of you to come.

Good evening, Mrs. Thompson.

It was nice of you...
I mean to have me.

Well, Theodore, don't
we look nice this evening.

I don't know about me,
but you look real neat.

Come on.

How do you do?

- How do you do?
- How do you do?

How do you do?

How do you do?

How do you do?

How do you do?

How do you do?

Hello, Clarence.

Good evening, Wallace.

Hi, Lumpy.

♪♪

Hello, Wally.

Oh. Hi, Julie.

Oh, you know my kid br...

I mean my little brother
Theodore, don't you?

Well, Beaver, you're
getting very handsome.

Thank you. You're
getting very handsome, too.

Here. These flowers are for you.

Oh, thank you, Wally.
They're beautiful flowers.

By the way, Beaver,

your little friend's
been asking for you.

Oh, Whitey?

No, Betsy Patterson.

Just a minute, and
I'll get her for you.

Boy, Wally, they
sure make it hard

for you to have a
good time, don't they?

That's etiquette. Now pipe down.

Stop scratching. Here
comes your girlfriend.

Hey, what happened to her?

She doesn't look like
a kid at all anymore.

- Hi, Beaver.
- Hi, Betsy.

Uh, this is my brother Wally.

He's older than I am.

How do you do, Wally?

Hello, Betsy.

Uh, these are for you.
They're beautiful flowers.

- Thank you, Beaver.
- Here, let me help you.

Oh, Julie, would
you like to dance?

I'd love to, Wally.

Uh, would you like
to dance, Betsy?

All right, Beaver.

What are you looking for?

A handkerchief.

Oh, that's all right, Beaver.

Okay.

Ward,

do you think Beaver's
having a good time?

No.

Why would you say
something like that?

Because it's true.

No boy ever had a good
time at his first dance.

Why not?

Well, it's just not
natural for a 12-year-old

to he jammed into a new suit

and forced to put his arms
around a strange little girl

while everyone sits around

waiting for him to
make a mistake.

Wally likes dances.

Well, sure, but he's older.

A boy has to attend seven
or eight of these affairs

before he learns to
enjoy being miserable.

I just hope that Betsy Patterson

isn't one of those
mean little girls

who'll laugh at Beaver.

Well, I wouldn't be surprised.

Most of them are.

Ward, you're not
being very helpful.

Look, he's going
to be all right, dear.

He managed to survive measles

and chicken pox and poison ivy.

I think we can see
him safely through girls.

How do you like being
a chaperone, Wally?

It's all right, I guess.

I've only had to break
up one fight so far.

Hey, Wally, we're
watching the kids,

but who's watching
us, huh? Ha ha ha.

The way you dance,
everybody in the place.

Well, are you two
enjoying the dance?

Yeah, it's lots of
fun, isn't it, Beaver?

Oh, sure. But I wish they'd
stop making us have a good time

long enough for me to cool off.

Well, Beaver, maybe Betsy
would like some punch, huh?

Oh.

Beaver.

Not like that. Use the dipper.

Okay.

Beaver!

You don't drink out of it. Here.

- Okay, Julie?
- Okay, Wally.

Okay, Betsy?

Well, you see, Beaver,

I promised this dance
to Billy McKenzie.

Gee, what did you do that for?

Well, he asked me.

Didn't you ask any
girls to dance with you?

Gee, no. I guess I
didn't get around to it.

Well, you didn't expect me

to dance every dance just
with you, did you, Beaver?

Well, no, I don't guess so.

But what am I supposed
to do while you're dancing?

I'd feel funny just standing
around doing nothing.

Oh, Beaver, you're silly.

I'll see you, Beaver.

I'll see you, Betsy.

- Oh, hi, Beav.
- Hi, guys.

Hi, Beaver.

How come you're
not dancing, Beav?

I don't know. We were
having some punch,

and then all of a sudden

she had to go dance
with another guy.

I was lucky. My girl got sick.

Mrs. Thompson made
mine dance with her brother.

Hey, you guys want
to go out to the porch?

What for?

I got some real neat new noises

I want you guys to hear.

Sure. Let's go.

I brought all my baseball cards.

- You got any new ones?
- Sure, a whole bunch.

Yeah, come on, guys. Let's go.

Maybe we can
even take our ties off.

Hey, Beav, when you were out
there dancing with that Betsy before,

you had a look on your face

like you were almost liking it.

Gee, Richard, you know
me better than that, don't you?

Ward, look. Beaver
got paint on his jacket.

Now, how could a boy
get into paint at a dance?

Well, it's not easy,

but he could do it if
he put his mind to it.

Boys have a good time?

Well, Wally said he did,

but when I asked Beaver,

he said, "It was okay, I guess."

You know, I don't think
he enjoyed himself at all.

Well, I'd have been
a little disappointed

if he had at his age.

You know, I think dancing
school and manners are fine,

but I don't like the idea

of adults pairing
off kids at that age.

Well, I guess
you're right, Ward.

You know, while we're teaching
them to be ladies and gentlemen,

we should remember
that they're just children.

Hey, Beaver,
tonight at the dance,

where'd you disappear to?

I went out on the porch
with Richard and Whitey.

How come?

I thought you were
all nuts over that Betsy.

You didn't feel bad

because she was dancing
with that other guy, did you?

At first. Then I ran into
Richard and Whitey,

and I forgot about her.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Anyway, I don't
think any girl's worth

going through all the
stuff I went through tonight.

Well, I guess I felt that way
when I was your age, too.

You did? How'd you get over it?

Well, you just have to keep
going to these dances and things

until you get used to it.

Even now sometimes
I have to sit down

and remind myself that
I'm having a good time.

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA