Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963): Season 5, Episode 11 - Beaver's English Test - full transcript

Starring...

and...

"Dear parent, this
is to inform you

"that your son or
daughter Theodore

"is doing below-average
work in English.

"Unless a noticeable
improvement is shown,

"he or she will receive
an unsatisfactory mark

in this subject on
the next report card."

Has Beaver said anything to you

about not doing well in English?

No. Every time
I've asked him lately



how things were in school,
he said "Oh, just fine."

Well, knowing kids, we
should've recognized that

as a danger signal.

Well, maybe you better
go and talk to his teacher.

Why don't you call up
and make an appointment?

I think maybe you better call.

Beaver's English
teacher's a man.

Oh, that's right. This
year, he has three teachers

instead of just one, doesn't he?

Beaver says all of
his teachers are hers

except his English teacher.

He's a he.

Well, Ward, you're going to
have to do something about this.

I will, dear, but
I just got home.



Give me a chance to
settle down a little bit,

and I'll go up and have a
real man-to-man talk with him.

Well, don't make
it too man-to-man.

I don't want Beaver crying
this close to suppertime.

Beaver!

Oh, hi, Dad.

I was just trying to
beat Gilbert's record.

He once balanced eight
books on his feet at one time.

Well, I think there's a better
way to use books than that.

That's what I came up
here to talk to you about.

Oh. I guess Mom showed
you the note, huh, Dad?

Yes, she did, and I'm very
disappointed in you, Beaver.

I'm disappointed, too, Dad.

I didn't think it'd
come till Monday.

Son, if you were having
trouble with English,

why didn't you come to
us and tell us about it?

Well, I didn't know I was
having trouble in English, Dad.

I guess I should've got worried

when Mr. Blair demoted
me from door monitor.

What's happened to you, Beaver?

You were always
very good in school.

Especially in English.

Well, yeah, I know, Dad.

But up till now, we haven't
been worrying about English.

We've been too busy
learning how to read and write.

Oh. Well, I'll tell you what,

right after supper
tonight, I'll come up,

and the two of us will
really buckle down.

Gee, that'd be neat, Dad, having
you do my homework for me.

Oh, no. I'm not gonna
do your homework for you.

I'm just gonna be here to
help you over the rough spots.

Oh. Hey, Dad, Gilbert
got a stupid note like me.

Could he come over here tonight

and you can help him
over the rough spots, too?

Oh, I suppose so, if
there'll be no fooling around.

Oh, there won't be
any fooling around, Dad.

Gilbert's afraid of you.

Why is he afraid of me?

You know how it is, Dad.

You're always afraid
of other guys' fathers.

- Well, it's all set.
- What's all set?

Right after supper tonight,
Beaver and I are going upstairs

and really hit the books.

Oh, I don't think you're gonna
hit the books tonight, dear.

We have a bridge date
with the Rutherfords.

Oh, well, uh, can't you call
them and sort of beg off?

Honey, we did that last week.
We can't disappoint them again.

Besides, they've
invited other couples.

Oh. Well, I guess there's no use

in my trying to work
with him in the morning.

That always winds up
with my being late for work

and Beaver missing breakfast.

Honey, maybe Wally
could help him tonight.

English has always
been his best subject.

Say, that's a good idea.

Maybe I could pay him a
little something for helping out.

What's the going rate on tutors?

Well, I hear Mrs. Hanson
paid somebody $3.00 an hour.

Oh. Well, uh, maybe
I could appeal to him

on the basis of family spirit.

"The early bird
catches the worm.

We arrived early."

Now, in which sentence
is "early" the adjective,

and which sentence
is "early" the adverb?

I don't know.

Well, take a guess.

Okay.

- Wally?
- What's the matter?

I forgot the sentences.

"The early bird
catches the worm.

We arrived early."

Oh.

Now I forgot the questions.

Look, Beaver, in
the first sentence,

"early bird," early
is an adjective.

It's like a brown bird,
a blue bird, a red bird.

Okay, you got it?

Yeah, I got it.

Okay, now, on the second
sentence, "We arrived early,"

is early an adverb
or an adjective?

I don't know. There's
no birds in that sentence.

Look, Beaver, early is an
adverb because it helps the verb.

Oh. I thought it was an adverb

because it came at
the end of a sentence.

Why, Beaver,

you don't have any
idea what this is all about.

You're not telling me
anything new, Wally.

But what good is it to learn all
about adverbs and adjectives?

Well, 'cause in life, people
judge you by the way you talk.

What do you mean?

Well, if you use crummy
words, people are gonna think

you're a creep.

- I'll get it.
- No, I'll get it.

You stay here and study.

"It was a fast train.
The horse runs fast."

I'll be the horse
couldn't beat the train.

- Oh, hi, Gilbert.
- Hi, Wally. Is Beaver home?

Well, yeah, he's home, but
he's kind of busy right now.

- He's busy studying.
- I know.

He called me up. I'm
supposed to study with him

on account of your
father's gonna help us both.

Look, my father's not home.

Are you just saying that
to get rid of me, Wally?

Really, Gilbert. He's not
home. He had to go out.

I'm supposed to be
helping the Beaver.

Oh, that's okay. Then
you can help me, too.

I don't mind that
you're just a kid.

Hey, now, wait
a minute, Gilbert.

I got enough trouble
trying to help the Beaver.

Yeah, but I told my dad I
was coming over here to study.

If I go home now,
he might hit me.

Okay. Come on up.

But, look, remember, Gilbert,
with the two of you guys up there,

I don't want any messing around.

Heck, no, Wally. We
wouldn't do anything like that.

- Oh, hi, Beaver.
- Hi, Gilbert.

Hey, before we start studying,
you want to Indian wrestle?

- Sure.
- Hey, now cut it out,
you guys.

I said I don't want
any messing around.

Sit down.

Okay, now, look, I want you
to listen to these sentences

and tell me which
one is the adverb

and which is the adjective.

"The early bird catches the
worm," and "We arrived early."

Well,

in the second sentence,
early is an adverb.

Hey, you're right.

Okay, now tell me how come.

'Cause it comes at
the end of the sentence.

Oh, boy.

I wish your father
was here, Beaver.

Look, you guys, I got
studying of my own to do.

Here.

Here. I got an old English test

that I took when I
was in the sixth grade.

Why don't you guys look over
the questions and answers?

It might do you some good.

Okay.

"Underline the correct
word in these sentences.

Who taught or
learned, you to knit?"

Yeah, you either gotta pick "taught"
or "learned," so I underlined "taught."

I would've got
that one right, too.

Yeah, well, look,

I'm gonna go downstairs
and study in the den.

You guys keep at it, huh?

"Where was, or were,
John and Ted going hiking?"

"I have ridden, or rode,

the waves on a surfboard."

"Has Joe really took,
or taken, the airplane?"

Hey, these are really easy.

Well, sure. Wally has all
the right answers marked.

I knew there was a reason.

Hey, Beav, do you think
we could learn anything

from this old test?

Gee, I guess so, Gilbert.

But if we memorized them,
at least we'll know something.

Yeah.

Class, may I have
your attention, please?

Miss Thomas, will you
pass these out, please?

Thank you.

This may come as somewhat of a
surprise to you, ladies and gentlemen,

but this morning we're
going to have an English test.

Now, ladies and gentlemen,

I hardly think
that is necessary.

If you've studied
each assignment

and applied yourself all along,

you have nothing to worry about.

Boy, this is sure sneaky.

At least when the
school doctor comes,

they give you a day's
notice ahead of time.

That's so you can
change your underwear.

Hey, John and Ted
are hiking again.

Yeah, and Joe's
taking the airplane.

Gee, this is the same test
we memorized last night.

How could a thing
like this happen?

Who cares? Pipe
down and start writing.

I don't know.

- Theodore.
- Yes, Mr. Blair?

You don't have
much time to waste.

Yes, Mr. Blair.

- Oh, Wally.
- Oh, hi, Mom.

Well, I didn't expect
you home until later.

I didn't expect me
home until later, either.

Didn't you have
basketball practice today?

Nah, the real practice
doesn't start until tomorrow.

Eddie Haskell just said the
coach wasted the day today.

He gave us a lesson
in good sportsmanship.

Now, don't tell me Eddie has
a chance to make the team.

Nah, but he goes
out for it every year.

He figures that it gets him out of a
few classes before the coach cuts him.

Hey, Mom, is the Beaver home?

I thought I could help him
a little more with his English.

He isn't here yet.
How's he doing with it?

All right, I guess. I
think I got it into his head

when "early" is an adverb
and when it's an adjective,

but I think if they throw him
another word, he's in trouble.

Gee, Beaver, what do you think
Mr. Blair wants to see us about?

I don't know.

Do you think he knows we
memorized Wally's old test?

Gee, maybe. Maybe
he read our minds.

Yeah.

Boy, when we
were taking that test,

my mind was practically
hollering out loud.

Boys, would you come
in here now, please?

Mr. Cleaver, Mr. Harrison.

Yes, sir?

I wanna tell you
how pleased I am

with the tremendous improvement
you've made in English.

You both got a 96 on
the test. Congratulations.

Gee, thanks, Mr. Blair.

Yeah, thanks a lot, Mr. Blair.

It's remarkable
that two students

who weren't doing
too well up to this point

should both receive a 96.

Well, me and Beaver
studied together.

I mean, Beaver and
I. Didn't we, Beav?

Yeah.

You see, we studied
together, and we...

We studied real hard.

Well, it certainly paid off.

And it shows that your work
habits have greatly improved.

Now, boys, I want you to take

your papers home to your parents

and show them the papers,

and I'm sure that they're going
to be as proud of you as I am.

Thanks, Mr. Blair.

- All right. That's all, boys.
- Bye, Mr. Blair.

- Good-bye, Mr. Blair.
- Good-bye.

96.

Boy, if Wally hadn't
been so stupid,

we'd have got 100.

Aw, come on, Beaver. You
gotta go home sometime.

What's eating you?

You know what's
eating me... this.

Why, you oughta be happy
about getting a 96 in English.

Especially a guy who can't
tell an adverb from an adjective.

Are you happy about it?

Why, sure. That's one of
the best marks I ever got.

Yeah. But do you think your dad

would be happy about it if he
knew you looked at Wally's old test?

Look, with a mark like that,

he's not gonna
ask any questions.

I think if my father
found out I cheated,

man, he'd really clobber me.

But... But, Beav,
we really didn't cheat.

Wally's old test just happened to be
the same one that Mr. Blair gave us.

It's what they call fate. You
see it all the time on television.

Yeah. But if I
don't tell my dad,

I don't think I'm gonna see
television again until I'm an old man.

Do you like it?

It's the new golf shirt I
got from Min's men's shop.

- It's cute.
- Cute?

June, this is the kind
of shirt the pros wear.

This should take a couple
of strokes off my game.

You said your new shoes
would improve your score.

Yeah, and if I get
that new set of irons,

that should take off
a few more strokes.

I'll be playing sub-par golf
without leaving the house.

- Is that you, Beaver?
- Yes, Mom, it's me.

- Hello, Beav.
- Hi, Dad.

Well, Beaver, it's about
time you were getting home.

Where have you been?

Well, Mr. Blair kept me a
little after in school today.

Oh.

Oh, Beaver, not another note.

Oh, it's an English test.

96?

Oh, that's wonderful.

Well, I should
say it is wonderful.

Now, you see, Beav, what you
can do when you really buckle down?

Beaver,

your father and I both knew what
you could do if you'd just apply yourself.

We're very proud of you, son.

I imagine your teacher was pleasantly
surprised over your good mark.

Oh, yes, Mom.

My teacher was pleasantly
surprised at the both of us.

At both of you?

Me and Gilbert both
got a 96 on the test.

Well, isn't that a surprise?

Yeah, certainly is.

That's the kind of
marks Wally used to get.

Yeah.

You see, Wally, they
gave us the same test

in English in school today
that you gave me last night.

Wow. What a coincidence.

And you remembered
all the answers, huh?

Yeah. It's not my
fault that they're giving

the same kind of English in school
today like they did when you were a kid.

I think it was cheating,
but Gilbert doesn't.

What do you think, Wally?

Well, it's hard to say, Beaver.

It could be cheating,
or it couldn't be cheating.

I guess it's like "early."

It can either be an adverb
or it can be an adjective.

Well, I didn't hear any
yelling when you came home.

I guess you haven't
told Mom and Dad yet.

Uh-uh. What do you
think I should do, Wally?

Gee, Beaver, it's hard for me

to tell you what to do
on a big thing like this.

I mean, it's not like you
busted a spoke on your bike

or you put a bunch of
worms in a girl's lunchbox.

I think you better
talk this over with Dad.

Think I should, huh?

Yeah. Look, why don't
you wait till after we eat?

That way, you won't
mess up the whole dinner.

No, I think I'll tell
him before dinner.

How come?

Well, I got a funny
feeling in my stomach,

and I don't think it's gonna
move over until after I tell him.

And you didn't know you
were going to have a test

until you got to school
this morning, huh?

Well, no, sir.

And then when we got there,
we found out it was the same test

that Wally had
given me last night.

I guess that was
cheating, huh, Dad?

Well, Beaver, under
the circumstances,

I'm not sure we could
exactly call it cheating.

Maybe we can't,

but I'll bet my teacher can.

You see, if you had
deliberately memorized a test

you knew you were going to
have, then that would be cheating.

But in this case,

I think it's more a matter
of misrepresentation.

Is that better than cheating?

Look, Beaver, Mr. Blair thinks

you made a 96 on your own merit,

but you know that you're not
actually that good, don't you?

Yes, sir.

Even if it was a 69,

I don't even know
if I'm that good.

And sooner or later, you know that
the truth's going to have to come out,

'cause there'll be other tests,

there'll be more
grammar to learn,

there'll be reciting in class.

I know, Dad.

Of course, there's one
way of overcoming all this,

and I think you know
what it is, don't you?

Dying.

You know what I mean, Beaver.

I guess you mean
studying hard, huh, Dad?

That's right.

Well, gee, Dad, what
about my teacher?

Do you think I
ought to tell him?

Well, I think you'd
feel better if you did.

Yeah.

But I sure wish this was Miss
Landers instead of Mr. Blair.

How do you mean?

Well, when you do something bad,

the lady teachers always say

it hurts them to see you
do something like this.

But with a man teacher,

I think it's the kids that
get hurt, not the teacher.

Oh, I don't think that
necessarily holds true, Beaver.

Why don't you try it and see?

Okay, Dad.

I just hope finding out isn't
worse than not knowing.

- Hi, Mom.
- Good morning, Wally.

- Hey, where's the Beaver?
- Oh, he left for school
a few minutes ago.

He looked a little forlorn, too.

Today's the day he's
gonna tell Mr. Blair

the reason he got the 96.

He's really gonna go
through with it, huh?

Well, of course he is. It's
the only right thing to do.

Yeah, I guess so.

Wally, have you seen this
new teacher... this Mr. Blair?

I saw him a couple of
times getting into his car

when I picked
Beaver up at school.

What's he like?

Well, he's...

Well, he's the kind of guy
who drives around a convertible,

but he never puts the top down.

Hi, Beaver. Haven't
you gone home yet?

- Uh-uh.
- Hey, guess what.

My dad's treating me
to the circus Saturday

on account of I got the
good grade in English.

Did you tell him how you got it?

What, and spoil all his fun?

He and Mom are telling all the
neighbors and relatives about it.

Why, it's about the best thing
that's happened at our house

since my sister
started noticing boys.

Hey, Beaver, did
you tell your dad

how you got the
good English mark?

Well, sure I did.

You did? How hard
did he whack you?

Well, he didn't whack me at all.

I think he's glad I'm
gonna tell Mr. Blair.

Now, wait a minute, Beaver.

You can't go in there
and tell Mr. Blair.

Well, why not?

Because I'm your best
friend, and I can't let you

go in there and get into
a whole mess of trouble.

It's a free country. I
can tell him if I want to.

Beaver, are you
gonna mention me?

What do you think
I am, a squealer?

Oh, well, go right ahead.

I guess if you wanna
tell Mr. Blair, it's okay.

Like you say,
it's a free country.

- Mr. Blair?
- Yes, Mr. Cleaver?

Well, I have
something to tell you.

Oh? Well, come on in.

Well, uh, I'm sort
of afraid to tell you.

Ah, now, look here, young man,

what is there to be
frightened about?

Well, I guess it's on account of
you're a man instead of a lady

and call me Mr. Cleaver
and all that stuff.

Oh, I see.

Well, Theodore, suppose
you tell me anyway.

Now, what's this all about?

Well, you know that
96 I got in English?

Well, I didn't really get it.

- What's this?
- Well, I mean, I did get a 96,

but I really didn't get one

on account of I looked at
one of my brother's old tests

the night before, and
it was the same test.

And therefore, you knew the
questions that showed up on the test.

Yes, sir.

Do you want me to go to
the principal's office now?

Well, Theodore...

No, Theodore,
I don't think I do.

But I would like to
know how you felt

about this rather
unusual situation.

Did you feel you were
cheating when this happened?

Oh, no, sir.

Like my father said,

it was sort of
misrepresentation.

I'm not really that good.

I see.

Well, I might be pretty
good at telling you

where Africa is or what
the capital of Australia is,

but when it comes to
adverbs and adjectives,

I'm just not any good at all.

You told this to your father?

Yes, sir.

And your father
explained it to you...

The difference between
right and wrong, hmm?

Oh, yes, sir.

But if you want to explain
it to me again, I'll listen.

I don't think that's
necessary, Theodore.

The one thing that makes
a teacher's job easier

is having parents who
teach their boys and girls

proper conduct in the home.

Theodore,

the only thing we have to
concern ourselves with now

is what we're going
to do about the future,

and I think the answer to that

can be found in studying hard

and in applying yourself.

You know, Mr. Blair, you
sound just like my father.

I think that can be
taken as a compliment.

I'd like to meet that
father of yours, Beaver.

Oh, yes, Mr. Blair.

But I think you better
wait until the school

has an open house or something.

I'd rather have you see
him while he's smiling.

Well, aren't you playing
English tutor tonight?

Oh, no. After his
little talk with Mr. Blair,

Beaver said he wanted to
do his homework by himself.

I may wander up
after a little bit, though,

to see how he's getting along.

You know, Ward,

I'm very proud of Beaver
telling you and his teacher

the truth about
his English mark.

Yeah. It's tough enough

having a thing like
that happen in school,

but when it happens
with your first man teacher,

that's really tough.

I think it did Beaver a lot
of good, though, telling him.

If I know anything
about teachers,

I think when Beaver told him,

it did Mr. Blair a
lot of good, too.

- Hey, Beaver.
- What is it, Wally?

How come I haven't seen
Gilbert around here lately?

That's on account of
the 96 he got on the test.

Oh, yeah?

Did his father find out
he looked at my test?

No. But he's making
him stay home every night

and study like crazy.

- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.

He said if he got a 96 once,
he can get it all the time,

and if he doesn't, he's
really gonna clobber him.

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA