Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963): Season 4, Episode 7 - Miss Landers' Fiance - full transcript

[Announcer] Starring...

and...

June, June, where are you?

What is it, dear?
What do you want?

Dear, I've just
been in the garage.

Who has been at my tools?

Well, I wouldn't touch them.

I know what an old
grouch you are about them.

Fine.

Wally... Wally, where are you?

I don't know. I
can't keep track...



I'm right here.

Well, if you're right
there, didn't you hear me?

He had the washing
machine going.

Yeah. I put my new
blue jeans in there again

to make them look old.

Well, Wally, how many
times have I told you boys

to stay out of my tools?

Well, a couple
million times, I guess.

Then where is my rake?

Gee, I wouldn't take it. I
don't want to get clobbered.

Ward, Beaver has it.

He has a job raking leaves
over at Miss Lander's house.

Oh, that's right.

I told him last night
he could take it.



You did all that
shouting for nothing.

Yeah, Dad. It sure is a shame

you wasted that
nice big mad like this.

Oh, don't worry about it.

I can always use the practice.

Hey, Mom, how much is Miss
Landers paying the Beaver

- to rake leaves?
- I don't know, Wally.

All I know is he and Whitey
are doing the job together.

He's always had a
crush on his teacher.

Why, I bet he'd do
it for her for nothing.

Oh, I don't know
about that, Wally.

You don't think he spent
half an hour this morning

cleaning out his ears for
Whitey Whitney, do you?

It's pretty neat raking
leaves, huh, Whitey?

Yeah. It's okay.

But what if some of the guys

saw us working
on a teacher's yard?

So what?

We're getting paid. Aren't we?

Yeah. But they don't know that.

They might think
we're, you know...

What do you mean, you know?

You know, buttering her up.

My father once told
me, it doesn't matter

what other people think of you.

It's what you think of
yourself that counts.

Do you ever think
of yourself, Whitey?

Yeah, I sometimes
think of myself,

but then usually, it
doesn't turn out so good.

Yeah.

Hey, you think Miss Landers
will come out of the house

and talk to us?

How do I know?

You kind of like Miss
Landers, don't you?

Sure. She's a neat teacher

and she's pretty and she's fair,

and she smells good,

and she's always
doing neat things.

Sure she is.

You don't catch me
falling for that kind of junk.

Hey, Whitey, will
you go around back

and get a basket for the leaves?

I don't like going in backyards.

A lady threw a bucket
of water at me once.

Well, there's no
lady back there.

Okay.

Hi, sonny.

Hello, Mister. Are you
looking for somebody?

I sure am.

Are you looking
for Miss Landers?

How'd you guess?

[rings doorbell]

Hi, Alice.

Hi, Tom. All set?

- Wait'll I get my racquet.
- Fine.

Well, Beaver, are
you doing a good job?

Yes, Miss Landers.

Say, I don't believe
I've met your gardener,

have I, dear?

Oh, I'm sorry, Tom.

Theodore Cleaver, this
is Thomas Britingham.

How do you do, Theodore?

Glad to meet you.

Tom is my fiancé.

Yes, ma'am.

Beaver, when you
and Whitey finish here,

you'll find your money
on the kitchen table

and there's some
milk in the refrigerator

and I left out some
cookies for you.

Well, I guess Alice knows what
you little fellas like, huh, Teddy?

Yes, Mr. Britingham.

Bye, Bye, Beaver.

Bye, Ted.

Hey, Beaver.

What, Whitey?

Wasn't that Miss
Landers getting in the car

with her legs all sticking out?

I don't know. I wasn't looking.

What car?

The car with
that guy driving it.

Don't be goofy.

What would Miss Landers

be doing in a car
with a guy in it?

Yeah. Let's put
the leaves in here.

Eh.

What'd you do that for?

I'm just mad at
leaves, that's all.

Hey, Mom, how come I got
stuck to help you with the dishes

instead of Dad?

Wally, it's not a
matter of being stuck.

You should be very happy to
do some work around the house

to contribute to the
welfare of the family.

Oh, you mean, like
on Wagon Train, huh,

where they all chip
in to kill the Indians?

That's the general idea.

You have a date tonight, Wally?

Yeah, I'm taking Mary
Ellen Rogers to the movies.

Boy, I sure hope
she doesn't smell

these fancy soap suds on me.

She's liable to think

I'm putting on the
dog or something.

Hey, Mom, where's Dad?

In the den.

Beaver asked him to help him
with some homework words.

Oh, you're kidding, Mom.

He never did homework
on Saturday night.

Either he's going flaky
or he's up to something.

Wally.

All right, Beav,
what's the next word?

Satellite.

Well, you know
what a satellite is.

It's a body that orbits
around another one.

Yes, sir.

Transistor.

Well, a transistor is
a sort of radio tube,

but it's very small.

You see, they replaced
the regular ones so that...

Fiance.

Huh?

Fiance.

Well, I haven't finished
with transistor yet.

You finished it
enough for me, Dad.

What's a fiance?

Fiance?

Do you by any
chance mean fiance?

Well, I mean, like, when
somebody is a fiance

to somebody else.

What does it mean?

Oh. Well, that means
that they're engaged.

Like when Mom engaged
that lady to do the laundry?

No. Not exactly. It means
engaged to be married.

Does it ever mean anything else?

No. A fiance is someone
who is engaged to be married.

Then I must have the wrong word.

'Cause the person
I'm thinking of

would never do
anything like that.

Say, what kind of
homework is this anyway?

It's a new kind of homework
that you think up yourself.

Oh.

Well, we finished
in the kitchen.

You finished in here?

Yes, Mom.

We're all finished in here.

Ward, you shouldn't help
Beaver with his homework

if you're going to upset him.

I wasn't upsetting him.

I was just giving him the
meaning of those words.

Oh.

Well, there are
no words on there.

Gee, Dad. What's the matter?

Beaver was just reading
from a list with no words on it.

You see, Mom. I told
you he was going flaky.

Ward, do you know that
Beaver has been up in his room

this whole evening,

and I haven't heard
a sound out of him?

I know.

When a boy spends a
whole Saturday evening

without having to be told
to stop whatever he's doing,

it just doesn't seem right.

Honey, maybe we
ought to go up there.

[phone rings] I'll get it.

Hello.

Hello, Mr. Cleaver.

This is Whitey Whitney.

I wonder if I could
talk to Beaver,

if you're not busy
yelling at him or anything.

Why, yes, I think so.

Just a minute. I'll call him.

Beaver, telephone.

[Beaver] Okay, Dad.

He'll be right here.

It's that little
friend of Beaver's,

you know, the one
who always talks like

he's just been
frightened by something.

Whitey Whitney?

Precisely.

Thanks, Dad.

Hello?

Oh, hi, Whitey.

Hey, Beaver,

did you get the
Sunday paper yet?

Gee, no, Whitey. We never get
tomorrow's paper until tomorrow.

Yeah, we always get
tomorrow's paper tonight.

My pop said he'd rather
read tomorrow's stuff tonight

instead of waiting
until tomorrow.

Yeah. What's up?

There's something in the
paper about Miss Landers.

There is?

Yeah. And it's real horrible.

You want I should
tell you tonight

or do you want to
wait until tomorrow

and see it yourself?

I think I'd better
wait until tomorrow.

Don't even want I
should give you a hint?

No. I don't want
you should do that.

Yeah, well, so long.

What did Whitey want, Beaver?

Nothing.

He must have wanted something
or he wouldn't have phoned you.

Oh, he just wanted to tell me

that his pop always gets
tomorrow's paper today.

Boy, wait till Beaver sees this.

Ward, I think you ought
to speak to The Beaver.

Do you know he's upstairs
acting moody again today?

Oh, he's probably just a
little under the weather.

Well, what do you think
we ought to do about it?

When I was a boy,

my grandmother
used to put me to bed

and dosed me with a tonic.

Boy, it was the most
evil-smelling, bitter...

Tasted a little like it was
made of ground-up inner sole.

Did it help?

No. But it was certainly
an incentive to get better.

You know, Ward, I don't
believe half the stories

you tell about your boyhood.

You know, sometimes I
have trouble really believing

they happened myself.

Hi, Wally.

Oh, hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.

Hi.

Well, Wally, you didn't
tell us about your date.

Did you have a good time with
Mary Ellen Rogers last night?

Yeah. It was okay.

Well, what was the movie about?

It was about this house

that had about 15 ghosts
running around in it scaring people.

Fifteen ghosts?

Well, I can remember
when a picture like that

did very well with one ghost.

Well, the movies have come
a long way since then, Dad.

Yeah.

Wally, has the Beaver said
anything to you to explain

why he's acting so strangely?

Gee, Mom. He's
acting pretty normal.

I asked him to stop
using my wash cloth,

and he told me to quit
shoving him around.

He'll be okay, Mom.

He's got his kooky friend
Whitey up there with him now.

I'm gonna go out and
mess around with Eddie.

So long.

So long.

Ward, I wish Wally wouldn't
use words like flaky and kooky.

Well, dear, you wouldn't
want all of his friends

to think he was
creepy, would you?

You're a big help.

I didn't want to show it to you

while your brother
was in here, Beaver.

Boy, Whitey, I never thought

Miss Landers would go
and do anything like this.

It's right there
in the printing.

They announced her
betrowell and everything.

Yeah. I guess that's even
worse than being a fiancé.

You know, when my
brother got married,

they had a picture in
the paper of his wife

just like that, only
she was wearing

a whole lace dress
that cost $200.

$200?

Yeah. And my mother said
it would have been better

to put the money
towards furniture.

You know, Whitey, after
Miss Landers gets married

and then comes to
start teaching our class,

I don't think I can do it.

Do what?

Call her Mrs. Britingham.

How come?

Well, a teacher
should not be a Mrs.

Our principal, Mrs.
Rayburn is a Mrs.

That's what everybody calls her.

Well, sure.

But it's different
with Mrs. Rayburn.

She came to us with
a Mrs. already on her.

Yeah.

Hey, Whitey, after
your brother got married,

he and his wife had
some babies, didn't they?

Sure.

Now I'm a two-time uncle even.

You think Miss Landers
might have any babies?

Sure, she might.

Boy, Whitey, all these
years, I've been thinking

teachers were something special.

Well, now they turn out
to be nothing but parents.

Wally, Beaver, hurry up.

You're gonna be late.

Where's the Beaver?

Well, gee, Mom, he's sick.

Well, he wasn't
sick at breakfast.

Well, I don't think it was
anything you cooked for him, Mom.

When he came
up to get his books,

all of a sudden, he
crawled back in bed.

Oh.

Well, honey, you
run on to school

and I'll go up and
see what's wrong.

Okay, Mom.

I don't know why he should
want to be sick, though.

He's got all his homework
done and everything.

So long.

Bye.

Beaver's sick. He
went back to bed.

Oh, well, he's probably

been coming down with
something all weekend.

You want me to go up
and see what's wrong?

Oh, no, honey. I'll
take his temperature

and if I think it's
anything serious,

I'll call the doctor.

Hmm. Sick on Monday morning.

You know, I remember
when I was a boy...

Dear, won't you be
late for the office?

Oh, yeah. Sure.

Have a nice day.

Beaver, aren't you
going to eat anything?

Gee, no, Mom.
I don't feel like it.

Well, you don't
have a temperature.

Does your stomach hurt?

No. It just kind of feels
like it wants to stay empty.

You have a headache?

Uh-huh.

Well, do you have
a pain anywhere?

I just kind of feel like that
time when my turtle died.

Beaver, are you sure

you're not in some
kind of trouble at school

and that's why you
don't want to go?

I'm really sick,
Mom. Honest, I am.

Well, all right, honey.

You stay in bed today.

Then we'll talk about
school tomorrow, all right?

Okay, Mom.

I'm sorry I couldn't
eat my soup.

Maybe you can freeze it up
and give it to Wally for supper.

Oh, I don't think so, Beaver.

You rest now, Beaver.

[phone rings]

Hello.

Oh, hello, Miss Landers.

Mrs. Cleaver, I wondered
if anything was wrong

with Theodore this morning?

No. He just
doesn't feel too well,

so I thought, I'd keep
him home in bed today.

I'm sure he'll be back
in school tomorrow.

Oh, well, I thought on my
way home this afternoon,

I could drop off his
homework assignment

and his new arithmetic book.

I wouldn't want him to get
behind the rest of the class.

Oh, well, that would
be fine, Miss Landers.

I know Beaver'd
be happy to see you.

All right. See
you this afternoon.

Thank you.

Bye.

Come on, Beaver.

Hurry up and drink
the orange juice.

Mom wants to wash
out the dirty glass.

Hey, Beav, you're
not sick in the head.

And you're not
sick in the stomach.

What kind of sick
are you, anyway?

I don't know, Wally.

I just feel awfuler
than I ever felt before.

Oh, come on, Beav.

You can tell me
what's the matter.

I won't laugh or anything.

Well, it's something to
do with Miss Landers.

You mean, Miss
Landers the teacher

that you're always
acting mushy about?

Yeah. You know
what she went and did?

Gee, what?

She went and got
fianced up to get married.

Boy, is that all?

I thought she
croaked or something.

She's gonna marry a
guy named Britingham,

and he plays tennis,
and he calls her dear,

and he even went
and called me Teddy.

Well, what are you
gonna do about it, Beav?

You're gonna have to
go to school sometime.

Yeah.

But I'm just not gonna look
at her again as long as I live.

Boy, how do you think
you're gonna get through

the fifth grade without
looking at your teacher?

What are you gonna do,
wear a bag over your head?

It's not funny, Wally.

Yeah.

I guess I know how you feel.

Once, there was this movie
called "Roman Holiday"

and I kind of got a crush
on that Audrey Hepburn.

You mean, that skinny
lady in the movies?

Yeah, but that was a long
time ago before she got old.

Well, I don't care if I ever
see Miss Landers again

after what she
went and did to me.

Well, I might even go to a
different school or something.

Look, Beaver... [knock on door]

Beaver, look who's
here to see you.

Hello, Beaver.

Well, Beaver, aren't you
gonna say hello to Miss Landers?

Hello, Miss Landers.

How are you, Wally?

I hear you're doing
very well in high school.

Oh, thanks a lot, Miss Landers.

It's real nice of you
to hear stuff like that.

Beaver, Beaver, Miss
Landers brought you

your homework assignment,
and she brought you a book.

Wally, why don't you
and I go downstairs, huh?

Well, sure, Mom.

Well, good luck, Beav.

Oh, it was real nice to have
seen you again, Miss Landers.

Well, how are we today, Beaver?

Oh, well, not so good.

Oh, I'm sorry.

We have a new arithmetic book,

and our assignment
is right here.

Well, Beaver, you're
not even looking at it.

No, ma'am, I'm not.

What's wrong, Beaver?

Like Mom said, I'm sick.

Now, Beaver, I've known
you a long time now.

And I think it's something else.

Now, do you want
to tell me what it is?

This is what it is.

This is what upset you?

Yes, ma'am.

Well, Beaver, lots of people
get engaged and get married.

Yeah, but I never thought

you'd go and do
anything like that.

Beaver, a teacher has
as much right as anyone

to fall in love and get married.

Well, gee, now
you're making it worse.

Beaver, I think you've
built up a picture of me

that no one could live up to.

Gee, you were living
up to it real good.

And then, I saw you
in that tennis suit,

and that guy called you dear,

and it said in the paper
you were betrothed,

and Whitey said you
might even have babies.

Well, what's wrong with that?

Well, gee, I wouldn't
want anyone to see you

in tennis pants,

or go to school and
hear the kids whispering

and giggling about
you getting married,

and having babies
and everything.

Beaver, let me
tell you something.

Falling in love
and getting married

are nothing to be ashamed of.

It's the people who do the
giggling and the whispering

that should be
ashamed of themselves.

Now do you think
you understand that?

Well, yeah, I guess so.

And even if I am a
teacher, don't you think

I'm entitled to be happy?

Yeah, I want you to be happy.

I just wish there was some
other way you could do it.

Beaver, you're gonna
like my husband.

He's a wonderful person
and you'll get along with him

just fine.

Oh, and he played
football in college

and after we're married,
I want you to come over

and rake the lawn the
way you always have.

No fooling?

Would you really want me to?

Yes, I would, Beaver.

Miss Landers, when
people get married,

they stand up and make
a whole lot of promises.

Don't they?

Yes, they do.

Well, do you think you
could get Mr. Britingham

to promise not to call me Teddy?

I think you can
count on that, Beaver.

Thanks, Miss Landers.

Shall we get to our homework?

Sure, Miss Landers.

June! June! I'm home.

Hi, dear.

What's that? Diamonds... rubies?

Ice cream.

I remember when
Beaver was a little fellow,

he used to always ask for
ice cream when he was sick.

Well, how is he tonight?

Oh, he's fine.

I found out what
was wrong with him.

Beaver's been
disappointed in love.

What? At his age?

You're kidding.

Well, he had quite a
crush on Miss Landers.

Miss Landers?

Yes, and now she's
running out on him

and getting married.

Oh, well no wonder he
didn't want to go to school.

Well, it's all
straightened out now.

She came over and she
had quite a talk with him.

He's even planning
to go to the wedding.

Yeah. Well, even so,

I think we better just
give him his ice cream

and say nothing about it.

Is that what your
parents would have done

if they had found out you
had a crush on your teacher?

Well, of course not.

They'd have put me to
bed, and starting dosing me

with that evil-tasting tonic.

What are you looking
at me like that for?

Oh, I was just thinking
about you, Beaver.

You know, you've
really got it rough.

It's not so rough.

I'm eating ice cream.

No. I don't mean now.

I mean, all the junk
that happened to you

over the weekend.

You had a big crush
on your teacher.

You meet her boyfriend.

You find out she's engaged.

Then you crawl back in
bed and act like you're sick.

Gee, Wally, when
you were my age,

didn't stuff like that
ever happen to you?

Well, I suppose so.

I guess when you get grown
up, you forget about all those

dumb things that happened
when you were a kid.

Boy, I hope when I'm grown
up, I won't forget about this.

Sure, you'll forget about it.

A couple of years,
you'll go to high school

and then you'll go to college.

You'll meet a
whole bunch of girls.

You'll probably marry one.

Then you'll have a
whole bunch of kids

and a job and everything.

If you met Miss
Landers on the street,

she'd be an old lady,
maybe 40 years old,

and probably wouldn't
even recognize her.

Gee, Wally, what'd
you go and say that for?

Can't you let me
get over the weekend

before you mess
up my whole life?