Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963): Season 4, Episode 6 - Beaver's Big Contest - full transcript

Beaver sells raffle tickets to benefit the new hospital and hopes that one of his own will win him a Hawaiian vacation or a sports car. When obnoxious Eddie Haskell teases that Beaver's parents would never allow him to keep a top prize and would most likely use it themselves, Beaver refuses to believe. But when one of Beaver's tickets is a winner will Eddie's dire prediction come true?

[Announcer] Starring...

and...

Want another cup
of coffee, dear?

No, dear. I have
to be a regular guy

and have one with the
fellows down at the office,

or they'll think I'm
a company spy.

It's not because you
don't like my coffee.

No, no.

Could've been a
little stronger, though.

Oh, say, dear... [clears throat]

Beaver gave me a
book of raffle tickets



to sell for him
down at the office.

How about getting me off to a
flying start by buying the first one?

Beaver gave me a
book to sell around here.

How about getting
me off to a flying start?

Oh. I guess I can get
rid of one book for him.

This raffle's for
the new hospital.

How come Beaver's so interested?

He gets a free ticket

every time he
sells a book of ten,

and he sold three books already.

I guess Fred Rutherford
will buy a couple

if I ply him with enough
coffee and sweet talk.

- Bye.
- You save your sweet talk
for me.

Oh, sure.



You're prettier than Fred.

Hey, Mom?

You want to buy a raffle ticket?

I see Beaver enlisted
you in the cause, too.

Yeah, I'm supposed to
sell them around school.

At a dollar a piece?

- Are there many boys
can afford them?
- Afford them?

Most of the seniors are driving
better cars than their fathers are.

Well, isn't that nice.

Hey, Mom,

would it be okay if
I quit high school?

Of course not.

You just started your junior
year, and you're doing just fine.

Yeah, but I saw this
ad in a magazine.

They got a course where you
study at home for six weeks.

Then they send you your
high-school diploma by mail.

Don't be silly.

Yeah, but look at all
the time I could save.

If I got my diploma
in six weeks,

I'd have practically
two whole years left

just to goof around in.

And if you did that,

you'd never get to
college and be an engineer.

Yeah, I knew there was
a catch to it somewhere.

So long, Mom.

[Beaver] Hey, Mom!

Did you sell any tickets yet?

No, not yet. It's too early.

No one has been around.

Well, when the milkman and
the bread man come around,

make sure you
tell them the prizes.

"One all-expense
trip to Hawaii for two,

"one ranch mink
coat, "one sports car,

"three color television sets,

50 radios, and a
hundred ballpoint pens."

Well, all right, I'll tell them,

but I can't quite see our
milkman in a mink coat.

Gee, Mom, if he won that,

he could probably trade it
in for a couple dozen radios.

Oh, and Mom, if I
win the trip to Hawaii,

would you and Dad
be sore if I took Wally

on account of there's only one
of him and there's two of you?

Honey, I think we can
wait and decide that

when you win the trip.

Yeah, I guess so.

♪♪ [piece from
"Lucia di Lammermoor"]

[Wally] Hey, Mom!

I'm in here.

Uh, Mom?

What's the matter?

Nothing's the matter.

Then how come you're just
sitting here listening to music?

I happen to like it.

I remember seeing
this opera in New York.

You mean you went to
the opera in New York?

Certainly I did.

I went to the
opera and to plays.

I even saw a fight in
Madison Square Garden.

Holy mackerel.

Why did you say that?

Gee, a guy never thinks of his
mother as having a good time.

Wally, I wasn't born a mother.

You're home before your brother.

Yeah, I saw him
over on Grant Avenue.

He was stopping
people on the street,

selling them raffle tickets.

Well, that was enterprising.

What do you mean enterprising?

He's just too dumb to know
he's making a fool of himself.

I sold a book of tickets
for Beaver at school.

I'll go put the
money in his drawer.

Uh, hey, Mom?

When you went to that fight
at Madison Square Garden,

did you stand up and scream
and holler like everybody else?

Of course I did.

Holy mackerel.

Don't write on the last
one, lady. I get that one free.

Your pencil doesn't
seem to write too well.

You want I should
spit on it for you?

No, thank you.

If you take two out
of that book, Gus,

I get another one free.

Well, let's see what
this deal is here.

"One all-expense
trip to Hawaii."

Hawaii.

I think I might be young
enough to make the trip,

but I might be just a
little too old to enjoy it.

Gee, Gus, what does that mean?

Oh, nothing, Beaver.

Now, let's see.

"One ranch mink coat."

Well, couldn't use that. I still
got my old sheepskin jacket.

Hey, now, here's one.

"Sports car."

It's real neat. I
saw a picture of it,

and it's got a red body with
a top that goes up and down.

Hey, that kind of appeals to me.

I'd get me one of
them checkered caps

and one of them English pipes,

and there wouldn't
nothing hold me down.

You mean, you'll buy a ticket?

I'll take two, Beaver.

Gee, that's neat, Gus.

A guy down the street
told me to get lost.

Beaver, you've got
to expect those things.

Man might not have
been feeling too good.

Lots of times in life

it ain't so much rudeness

as it is a sour stomach.

What is it, sonny?

Well, I'm not lost,

or I didn't steal
or break anything.

I wanted to talk to you.

What did you want
to talk to me about?

I want to know if you'd
like to buy a raffle ticket

to build a new hospital.

[tickets rustle]

Oh, yeah?

I don't know.

They cost a dollar,

and I got a card in my pocket
that says I'm not a gyp or anything.

[chuckles]

I guess I could take one.

Is that the pencil you
use to write tickets with?

Yep.

Here you go, son.

Gee, thanks, Mister,

and I hope I didn't interrupt
you being mean to people.

You didn't.

Did you sell Beaver's book of
tickets down at the office today?

Sure did.

I already gave him the money.

I sold four of them around here,

and the hair dresser said she'd
take the rest of the book tomorrow.

Fine.

Drawing's on Monday, isn't it?

Mm-hm. Beaver has ten
tickets of his own already.

He's just sure
he's going to win.

[chuckles] Well, Fred
Rutherford bought five tickets,

and he's sure he's
going to win, too.

I guess childish minds
all run in the same pattern.

[doorbell rings]

Here, I'll take this.

Oh, hello, Eddie. Come on in.

Good evening, Mrs. Cleaver.

My, you look nice.

Thank you, Mrs. Cleaver.

Wally and I are
escorting two young ladies

to the movies this evening.

Oh, who are you taking?

Uh, Wally hasn't told me yet.

Well, why don't you go on up?

I think he's in his room.

Thank you.

Oh, hello, Eddie.

Good evening, sir.

Uh, what does he want?

He and Wally have dates.

- Who with?
- Wally hasn't told him yet.

Oh.

Hey, Wally.

Oh, hi, Eddie.

Hi-ya, squirt.

What did you do, rob a bank?

No, this is my raffle money.

Yeah, Eddie. Here,
you want to buy a ticket?

Are you kidding?

What are you peddling
these things for?

On account of every
time he sells a book of ten,

he gets one free.

He's got ten tickets already.

And I'm going to win something,

maybe a trip to Hawaii for two.

Now, look.

They have these things
rigged so a kid can't win.

You wait and see.

They'll have some pretty
nurse from the hospital win

so they can stick her
picture in the paper

and get a lot of free publicity.

Oh, cut it out, Eddie.

Beaver's got just as much
chance to win as anybody.

All right, so say
he wins first prize.

What happens?

Your pop will take
it away from you.

What do you mean?

Look,

you don't think they're
going to let you skip school

and go sailing off
to Hawaii, do you?

Believe me, if anybody's going
to be saying Aloha in this deal,

it'll be your old man.

Look, Eddie, if
Beaver wins a prize,

my pop wouldn't
take it away from him.

Okay, okay, but
you'd think differently

if you'd been pushed
around as much as I have.

Hey, who are we going to
take to the movies anyway?

I'm taking Mary Ellen Rogers,

and I got Belinda
McGowan for you.

Belinda McGowan?

Oh, come on, Charlie.

Look, Eddie, don't complain.

It took me an hour to talk
her into going with you.

All right, all right.

- See you, Beav.
- So long, Wally.

So long, chump.

June? June.

What is it, dear?

Here, come here.

Who's been at my hi-fi?

There's a record on here.

Oh, I was listening
to that yesterday.

Oh.

- Hm, Excerpts from Lucia.
- Mm-hm.

I was telling Wally how much I
enjoyed seeing that in New York.

Oh. Hm.

Well, where's the Beaver?

He went down to turn in his
raffle tickets and the money.

Do you know he has 17
tickets of his own now?

Well, that's great.

- Lucia, huh?
- Mm-hm.

I bet you saw that
with your Aunt Martha.

No, I think I saw it
with Freddie Rice.

Oh, yeah, that's the one with
the, uh... with the fish eyes.

Freddie did not have fish eyes.

Oh, of course not. He had the
big ears and the donkey laugh.

I can never keep track of
that menagerie of yours.

May I bring up Genevieve Dunlap?

Uh, please don't.

Hi, Dad.

Hello, Beaver.

What are you doing?

I'm rewiring this lamp.

The old cord's worn out.

Did it make a short circus?

Well, not yet, but it was
about to make a short circus.

Hey, Dad, can I ask you
something that isn't important?

Uh-huh.

If I was in South America

and I was walking along

and I found a diamond mine,

would you take it away from me?

Of course not.

[sighs]

You know, Dad?

You're pushing in a lot
more wire than is coming out.

Yes, I know, Beaver.

Must be stuck.

Why don't you pull it
from the other side?

Because, son, in order to
pull it from the other side

I have to get hold of it first.

It's always something.
Isn't there, Dad?

You sure you wouldn't
take it away from me?

Take what away from you?

The diamond mine I
found in South America.

Look, Beaver, I told you, you
could keep it, and I meant it.

Now, run along, son.
Find something to do, huh?

Yes, sir.

- Dad?
- What?

Why don't you take a
pencil and push it through?

Thank you very much, Beaver,

but never mind, son.

- Dear?
- What?

I want to call the drugstore.

Where's the pencil
that was here?

It's stuck in the lamp.

What did you put
it in the lamp for?

Because your son came
in here and told me to.

Ward! Ward?

What's the matter, dear?

Ward, they called
ten minutes ago.

They called.

Wait a minute. Who called?

The raffle people
from the hospital.

Beaver won.

A trip to Hawaii?

No, he got the third prize,

a $3,500 sports car.

- Really?
- Really.

Well, for gosh sakes.

Have you told him yet?

No. He isn't home
from school yet.

This is wonderful.

Maybe I ought to get the
car and go look for him.

- Oh, honey, I'm so excited.
- [Beaver] Oh, Mom! Hey, Mom!

Well, I... We're
in here, Beaver.

Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.

How come you're
smiling all over the place?

Because, Beaver,

you won third
prize in the raffle.

I won?

Yes, a sports car.

Boy, I won. I won!

Boy, oh, boy, I won!

- Isn't that great?
- Yeah!

Even if I died right
now, I'd still be happy.

[imitating motor revving]

Boy, Larry, we're
doing 150 miles an hour.

Yeah. Watch this next curve.
You don't want to spin out.

[imitates tires screeching]

Hug the corners.
Hug the corners.

Keep forgetting.

Uh-oh, Beaver.

Pull her into the pits.

We've got to refuel.

[screeches]

Boy, that was neat, Beav.

Now let me drive.

Isn't this neat?

Yeah, but think how
much neater it's going to be

when I get my
sports car tomorrow.

Watch out, Eddie. We're
going to burn rubber.

Oh, cut it out. Why
don't you grow up.

What, and be like you, Eddie?

Listen, wise guy,

you want to go home with
your teeth in your pocket?

Oh, come on, Eddie.
Leave him alone.

Anyway, he's liable
to hit you in the mouth.

Yeah.

Hey, Eddie, did you hear
about me winning the sports car?

[snickers] Yeah,
I heard about it.

Your parents take it
away from you yet?

I haven't got it yet.

He's going to get it tomorrow,

and they're going to take pictures
of Beaver in the car and everything.

Sure, and then they'll
take it away from him.

[cackles]

They will not.

My dad said he
wouldn't even take

a million-dollar diamond
mine away from me.

Listen, squirt.

Parents can do
anything they want,

and they got laws to have
you put away if you squawk.

You better just keep
driving this box, kid,

because that's all
you're going to get.

Oh, come on, Eddie.

Don't pay any
attention to him, Beav.

Sure, Wally.

Beaver?

Your dad wouldn't really take
it away from you, would he?

Of course not.

He said he was happy
for me and everything.

Yeah. Let's get
back in the race, huh?

[clicks tongue]

Dear?

Honey, you better go
up and talk to the Beaver.

He's so excited he can't
even think about going to sleep.

[chuckles] All right.

I was going to have to go
up and talk to him anyway.

About the car?

Yeah. He obviously
can't keep it.

I suppose not.

After all,

what possible use can
a kid in the fifth grade

have for a $3,500 sports car?

You know, it's funny.

I was talking to Wally
about cars the other day,

and he says that some
of the boys in high school

have better cars
than their fathers.

Oh.

Well, I'm afraid we're just
not that kind of a family.

I know, dear.

How you going to tell Beaver?

I'm just going to tell him

that it's completely impractical

for him to keep the car.

I'll tell him that I'll sell it

and put the money
in a bank account.

It'll be there waiting for him
when he's ready to go to college.

Ward, couldn't we
call the hospital fund

and have them tell Beaver

that it was a mistake

and that he won
the cash instead?

No, I suppose we couldn't.

Good luck, honey.

Hey, Wally, you want to look
at a picture of my sports car?

Nah, you already made
me look at it a million times.

Well, it wouldn't hurt you

to look at it a million
and one times.

Okay, I'll take a look at it.

[knock on door]

Hello, fellows.

Hi, Dad. I'm almost in bed.

- [Wally] Hi, Dad.
- Hi.

Well, that's fine, Beav,

but I want to talk to
you about something.

Yes, sir?

Son, you know your mother and
I love you very much, don't you?

Sure, Dad.

And you know anything we do is
always for your own good, huh?

Gee, Wally, I guess
Eddie was right.

Yeah, gee, Dad, Eddie
was telling the Beaver

that you're going to take
the car away from him.

Uh, he was?

Yeah, and he said you'd have
me put away if I squawked.

Now, look, Beaver.

Let's leave Eddie
out of this for a minute

and just look at
this thing logically.

Now, what on earth
would a boy your age do

with a $3,500 sports car?

Gee, Dad, lots of things.

You couldn't drive it.

Yeah, Dad, I know,

but I could put it in the garage

and sit in it when I
came home from school.

Can't I have it, Dad? It's
the biggest thing I ever won.

No, Beaver, I'm afraid not.

Gee, Dad, he can't drive it,

but you could drive
him around in it.

Heck, he even might
let you use it sometimes.

Look, fellows,

the only practical thing to do

is for me to sell the car and
put the money in the bank

for Beaver's college education.

What are you crying
about, Beaver?

Gee, Dad, I don't know,

but what if I turned out to be a
dumb kid and couldn't go to college?

I'd be stuck with all
that creepy money.

Look, son, when
you think about this,

you'll know I'm right.

I'll tell you what. We won't
put all the money in the bank.

We'll keep some of it and
buy you a brand new bicycle.

No, sir, I don't want
a brand new bicycle.

Well, Beaver, you've been
asking for one for a long time.

No, sir, if you're going
to be mean to me,

I'm not going to
spoil it for you.

All right, Beaver,

then I'll just have to
do what I think is best,

and I'm sorry you feel this way.

How did you make out?

Miserably.

He just can't see why I
shouldn't keep the car.

Uh, Beaver?

I don't think you gave
Dad much of a break.

Some break he gave me,

taking away my sports car.

Now, look, Beaver.

It's just you and me here now.

You know you're too
young to drive that car.

You know you can't let it sit in the
garage and let it rot until you're 18.

Dad's just doing all
this for your own good.

Yeah, I know that.

Then how come you're
making such a big fuss

and crying and everything?

Just because it's for my own
good doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.

- Hi, Dad.
- Hi.

Well, where's the Beaver?

Oh, he came down and ate early,

said he wanted
to eat by himself.

Don't tell me my
son's avoiding me.

He sure is, Dad.

Last night he said he wasn't
going to talk to you till he was dying.

This morning he wasn't
even sure about that.

Ward, we can't
let him act like that.

You go on up there
and talk to him.

What, go up and tell
him he has to talk to me?

No, sir. I think he's
being very foolish,

but if he's not going to speak
to me, I'm just going to ignore it.

Gee, Dad, if you guys
aren't speaking to each other,

who's going to
yell at the Beaver

for not taking a bath and
having dirty feet and stuff?

Heck, you can't hit him
without saying anything.

Wally, I think your father and
I can handle this by ourselves.

Okay, Mom.

Ward, I think...

Hi, Mom. I'm going
to school now.

Well, good-bye, Beaver.

- Yeah, take it easy, Beav.
- Sure, Wally.

Oh, and Mom,

would you please give this
note to my father for me?

Thank you.

Well, this is getting silly.

Now he's writing me notes.

What is it?

[reading]

"with an up and down
top, which is brand new.

"The car was won in a contest

"by Theodore Cleaver,
"who is too young,

"so is going to college

"instead of having fun.

"So call Whitney 12738

"and ask for my father,

who is selling it
for my own good."

Well, I don't know
quite how to take this.

Gee, Dad, he's not trying
to be a wise guy or anything.

He wanted to tell
you he was sorry,

but he just couldn't.

I think this is kind of
his way of showing it.

Oh.

Are you going to fix it
up and put it in the paper?

No, sir.

I'm going to put this in
the paper just the way it is.

- Hi, dear.
- Oh, hi.

How did you make
out with the car?

Fine. Sold it.

Put the money in
Beaver's bank account.

Oh, that's wonderful.

You know, I must've
had 40 calls today.

I think that boy may have a career
ahead of him in the advertising business.

- How is he?
- Back to normal.

He came home happy,
wanted a glass of milk,

and he wants to
know if you'll help him

with his arithmetic
tonight after supper.

Oh, well, you want
to know something?

I'm really looking forward to
inverting fractions with him this evening.

You know, I've
been thinking, Ward.

Every contest or
raffle that comes along,

Beaver always enters in it.

Guess this one's
cured him for good.

Hey, Beav, if you want, I'll help
you invert those fractions and junk.

No, I'm saving that to
start talking to Dad on.

Hey, you're not
doing your homework.

No, I'm entering this
contest in this magazine.

Sure you want to
go and win something

they have to take
away from you again?

Well, Wally, the
way I figure it,

sooner or later I've got to win
something they'll let me keep.