Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963): Season 4, Episode 8 - Eddie's Double-Cross - full transcript

[Announcer] Starring...

and...

[knock on window]

Come in, Eddie. Good morning.

Good morning, Mrs. Cleaver.
I wonder if I might see Wally.

Well, yes, of course,
Eddie. He's up in his room.

Oh? I make it a point

not to lie in bed on
Saturday mornings.

It spoils my work habits
for the school week.

Yes. Well, that's very
wise of you, Eddie.

The boys have been
up for a long while.



They're getting
together some things

for the rummage sale at church.

Oh, yes.

My mother says that's
always a good way

to get rid of a lot of
old stuff you don't want.

Wally is up in his room, Eddie.

Yes, Mrs. Cleaver.

Wow. Look at this.

Hey, Dad, what's this thing?

You used to wear that
when you were a baby.

Boy, I must have been
an awful sissy baby.

Boy, you sure
were a slobby baby.

You used to fall asleep
with your head in your cereal

and Mom would have to dig it
out of your ears and everything.



Well, never mind the
reminiscences, fellows.

Is there any string around here?

Yeah, I think there's
some in the bathroom

from when I flew my kite
out the bathroom window.

- Oh, hi, Eddie.
- Hi, Wally.

We're packing this junk
for the rummage sale.

Yeah? What kind of
a phony tax deduction

is your pop gonna
take on this junk?

Maybe you'd like to give
us an appraisal on it, Eddie.

Oh, good morning, Mr. Cleaver.

I was just kidding with Wally.

Yes, sure you were.

Hey, Dad, we'll tie this
stuff up if you want us to.

All right. Fine.

Eddie, I want to
tell you something.

Yes, Mr. Cleaver.

Oh, ah, nothing.

Boy, Eddie, why
don't you watch it, huh?

Why don't you tip a guy off

when your old man is
pussyfooting around?

Gee, Eddie, what'd you want
to go and come over here for?

Yeah, what's up, Eddie?

Ah, nothing.

I guess you haven't heard
about me going steady, huh?

You're going steady?

Well, sure. It's
all over school.

Hey.

You going steady
with a girl, Eddie?

Sure.

Caroline Shuster.

Caroline Shuster?

Man, she's kind of pretty.

Well, sure, she's pretty.

I ain't going
steady with no owls.

What are you laughing at?

Oh, nothing, Eddie.

Nothing at all.

I just thought
something seemed funny.

Hey, Eddie, are you sure
you're not making all this up,

like when you told everybody
you saw [indistinct] Crawford

on the bus?

Look, I got a date to meet her

at the soda fountain
in half an hour.

Come on. I'll take you
along and show her to you.

Yeah.

Well, yeah, I guess I could go.

I got nothing else to do.

Yeah. Me too.

Just a minute.

What do you think this is?

Birdwatchers of
America or something?

Get lost, shrimp.

Yeah. You finish
tying up the box, Beav.

I'll help you carry it
downstairs when I get back.

Yeah. Well, anyway, it's
too early in the morning

to go look at girls.

Boy, that Eddie Haskell.

You know, if it hadn't
been for Beaver and Wally,

I think I would have blown
my top upstairs just now.

I know what you mean.

I sometimes wonder
what Wally sees in him.

Well, I suppose boys
can size up other boys

better than adults.

Who knows? Maybe Wally sees

beneath the brash,
noisy, wise-guy exterior

a rather likeable,
insecure kid underneath.

Well, you're quite the kitchen
philosopher this morning.

[clatter]

What in the world is that?

I don't know.

I hope likeable, insecure Eddie

hasn't started a fight.

Beaver, that's
too heavy for you.

Where's Wally?

Oh, he went out with Eddie.

Well, here, let me
help you with it.

Where did they go, Beaver?

They went over to look at a girl

that Eddie says he's
going steady with.

Eddie Haskell is going steady?

I don't really know what
going steady means.

I just heard it once in a song.

Hey, Dad, can I
go to Larry's now?

Sure, Beaver.

Go ahead. Just
leave the box here.

I'll drop it off later.

Thanks, Dad.

Hey, Mom, at the rummage sale,

can I buy back my old blue
jeans that we're giving away?

Beaver, what in the world

would you want
those old pants for?

Well, they're the ones I
had such a good time in

up at summer camp.

And I wore them again,
I could pretend like

I'm having a good
time even if I'm not.

Well, we'll see, Beaver.

Thanks, Mom.

Good-bye, Dad. Good-bye, Mom.

- See you later.
- Good-bye, Beav.

Bye. Ward.

Hmm.

I want you to have
a talk with Wally.

Talk with him, about what?

About going steady.

Well, he's not going
steady. It's Eddie Haskell.

Honey, I know that.

But I don't want
Wally getting ideas.

I don't want Wally moon-calfing

and lolly-dollying around

after some high school siren.

Dear, I used to go around

moon-calfing and
lolly-dollying after you.

You didn't seem to mind then.

Of course not.
You weren't my son.

I'll talk to him.

Thanks a lot.

Hey, Wally, Caroline is
sitting with Elma Hansen

in the second booth.

Where?

Don't turn around
and stare at her.

Look at her in the
mirror like I'm doing.

Eddie, why don't you just
walk over there and say hello?

Boy, Wally, you sure got
a lot to learn about women.

You know, for a guy who's
going steady with a girl,

you sure are chicken.

Listen, does Rock Hudson
walk right up to Doris Day

and say, "We
come to look at you."

No, of course he doesn't.

I guess not.

He lets his charm soak in
before he makes his move.

Okay. Will you make your move?

I don't want to have
to buy another soda.

Okay. Come on.

Hi, Elma. Hello, Caroline.

Hi, Eddie.

Hello, Eddie.

This is my best
friend, Wally Cleaver.

You might have seen him around.

Oh, yes. We saw
him score 12 points

in the basketball
game Thursday night.

We certainly did.

Oh. Gee, it wasn't much.
I get fouled a lot and,

well, you know how it is.

I mean, that's the way it is.

Mind if we sit down, honey?

Excuse me.

Oh, excuse me.

I love that sweater, Eddie.

Brings out the
blue in your eyes.

Sure.

I see you're fixing your
hair the way I asked you.

Uh-huh.

After the game, Charlie Miller
got sick in the locker room.

Oh?

Yeah, but after
that, he was all right.

We're going to the
show tonight, Caroline.

I'll be by and pick
you up about 7:30.

Anything you say, peachy.

But I better meet you
outside. My father will be home.

Okay, doll.

I think I better get
going home now.

Oh, we were just going.

Caroline and I are
going shopping.

We'd better get the check.

That's okay.

I'll take care of everything.

See you tonight, peachy.

Sure, doll.

I'm glad you didn't get
sick after the game, Wally.

Oh, no, I got a
pretty strong stomach.

We'd better go, Elma.

Good bye, Eddie.
I'll see you tonight.

Bye, Wally. Bye.

Bye.

How about her, Wally?

Am I living, or am I living?

Yeah, that Caroline,
she's a cute girl all right.

And you see the way I got her
wrapped around my little finger?

I'm telling you.

Here's your check, sonny.

Yeah.

Wally, could you give
me the loan of 70 cents?

Yeah, I guess so.

What's the matter?

Aren't you gonna give her a tip?

Thanks.

Well, I guess you know
now I'm going steady. Huh?

Yeah, sure I do.

But don't forget, you
owe me 80 cents, peachy.

Ward.

Hmm?

When are you gonna talk to Wally

about this going
steady business?

Oh, I'll get around to it.

You had the whole weekend.

Well, yeah, but it seemed a
shame to spoil a boy's weekend

by having his
father talk to him.

It's just that I don't like
the idea of boys this age

going steady.

Children acting like adults

and pretending they
feel a lot of emotions

they're too young
to even understand.

Well, certainly.

But if you try to
explain it to them,

they're too young to
understand that too.

But you will talk to him.

Yeah.

Yeah. I'll talk to him tonight.

Dear, do you have to
bring that briefcase home

with you every day?

Well, sure.

Nowadays, if you leave
the office without a briefcase,

everybody thinks
you're dogging it.

Bye.

Well, where have you
been since school let out?

Well, I was over
at Larry Mondello's.

His big sister is taking
a course in navigation

over at the high school.

Oh.

Why would she do that?

The Mondellos don't have a boat.

I know.

But Larry's mother
is making her go.

She said it's her last
chance to meet a man.

Oh.

Have you seen your brother?

Yeah.

I saw him over on
Vanderbush Avenue.

He wasn't with girls, was he?

No.

He and some of the guys
from the basketball team

were standing around
hitting each other on the arm.

Well, that doesn't
sound very nice.

Gee, Mom. I can't wait
until I'm old enough to do it.

Why didn't Wally
come home with you?

He has to pick up some
pictures at the drug store.

Oh. Beaver.

Yes, Mom?

Beaver, you won't grow
up on me too fast, will you?

Gee, Mom. Once I get going,

I guess there's nothing
I can do about it.

Ah, yes. Yeah.

I think those pictures
came in this morning.

I'll get them for you.

Well, thank you, Mr. Newton.

But, Caroline...

I saw you at the movies
with him Saturday night.

Well, sure you did.

But Freddie Priars
has been grounded.

His father won't let him out
of the house for two weeks.

So what am I supposed to
do? Sit around and mope?

You mean, you really
don't like Eddie at all?

Well, he's telling
all the kids at school

you're going steady.

That's a laugh.

Isn't that just like
that conceited creep?

Peachy calls me every night.

You never heard such corn.

It's all I can do to
keep from laughing.

Well, here you are.

That will be a
dollar and a quarter.

Will that be all?

Yeah.

Yeah, that's all, Mr. Newton.

No fooling, Wally?

That Caroline girl really
called Eddie a creep?

She sure did.

She and all the other
girls were laughing about it.

But gee whiz, Wally.
Eddie is a creep.

Well yeah. But Eddie
doesn't know he's a creep.

I don't like the idea

of some girl giving
him the business

and calling him peachy
and making him spend

my money on her and
then just laughing at him.

Well, heck, Wally.

Girls are rats.

They're even rats
in Sunday school.

What do you mean they're
rats in Sunday school?

Well, take this girl we
read about in the Bible.

She met this real neat
guy, and she cut off his hair.

Then she turned him
over to these bad guys,

and they dragged him away,
and they stuck out his eyes.

And they were mean to him too.

Oh, yeah, that was
Samson and Delilah.

Yeah. And if girls
are rats in the Bible,

how do you expect
them to be in person?

Yeah. I guess so.

Hey, Wally, are you
gonna call Eddie up

and tell him about the girl

that's calling him a
creep and all that?

Well, of course not.

You can't do that.

Gee, why not?

You call him worse
than that lots of times.

Look, Beaver, if a guy
calls a guy something,

well, that's okay.

But if a girl calls a
guy the same thing,

well, that's a
million times worse.

Gee, whiz, Wally.

Last weekend, Angela
Valentine called me

a dirty, smelly,
rotten old apple.

And I just grinned at her.

Well, yeah, that's 'cause
you're not old enough

to appreciate girls.

But, gee, Wally.

If they're so mean to you,
how can you appreciate them?

Look, Beaver, I just
explained guys to you.

I'm not gonna explain girls too.

What are you thinking about?

Oh, nothing.

Can't just be thinking
about nothing.

Dear, I've had a hard day today,

and if I want to sit here

and think about nothing,
I think I'm entitled to.

All right. Go ahead.

Keep your old secrets.

Don't tell me what
you're thinking about.

June, dear, I am...

Oh, hi, Wally.
What's on your mind?

Well, I wanted to
talk to you, Dad.

But if you guys are
arguing, I'll come back later.

I hate to disappoint you,
Wally, but we're not arguing.

What did you want?

Well, um, can I talk to
you, Dad, in the den?

Well, what's the
matter with in here?

Well, there's nobody
else in the den.

Wally, if you want to
talk to your father alone,

you don't have to be so subtle.

Why don't you go on
inside? I'll be right there.

You see?

What do you mean, you see?

Ward, I asked you to talk
to Wally about going steady,

and now, I bet you he wants
to talk to you about a girl.

Oh, nonsense.
Most important thing

in that boy's life right
now is basketball.

Well, son, what's on your mind?

Dad, I'd like to talk
to you about a girl.

Oh.

Yeah, well, sit down.

You know, Dad, Eddie Haskell
has kind of been going steady.

Yeah, I had heard
something about that.

You're not thinking along
the same lines yourself,

are you?

Well, gee, no, Dad.

I've been spending every
afternoon in the gymnasium

working on my hook shot.

Good boy.

Well, what's all
this about Eddie?

Well, do you think
that you could kind of,

well, I know you're not
an old guy or anything,

but do you think that you could

kind of, try to remember
when you were young?

I'll try, Wally.

Well, suppose you had
this friend like Eddie,

and he liked this certain girl,

and he thought this
girl was crazy about him,

and then, all of a sudden,
you heard this girl laughing

and calling him a creep,
what would you do?

Well, there's only
two things you can do.

You can either ignore
it, or you can go to Eddie,

and tell him what's going on.

Well, yeah, Dad.

I knew there was
two things I could do.

But I don't know which
of the two I should do.

Oh.

Well, I think if you're
sure of your facts,

you should tell Eddie.

But I'd make it as
painless as possible.

Yeah.

I figured that's
what I'd have to do.

But, well, I thought maybe

you'd read some kind
of book or something

that kind of told you
how to do this sort of stuff.

No, son, I'm afraid there
aren't any books like that.

Okay, well, thanks a lot, Dad.

I'll let you know what happens.

Fine.

And keep working
on that hook shot.

Sure, Dad.

Well?

Well, Eddie Haskell has a girl,

and Wally has found out

that she thinks
Eddie is a creep,

so Wally has to tell Eddie.

Good heavens.

Ward, when we were Wally's age,

did we ever get
ourselves involved

in complicated
problems like this?

Of course not.

We were too busy
playing miniature golf.

Look, Wally, what's so important

that I had to walk you
home from school?

I'll tell you in a
minute, Eddie.

Boy, when I told Caroline I
couldn't see her after school,

it really shook her up.
She kind of laughed it off,

but, you know, the poor girl
had to, to keep from balling.

Man, this is really corny.

You and your
grubby little brother.

I got to get some pictures
of Caroline for my room,

you know, when a guy's
going steady, he's really gotta...

Look, Eddie, look, why
don't you just turn it off

for a minute and sit down, huh?

Sure.

Sure. What's up, doc?

Well, look, Eddie, I've
been a friend of yours

for a long time. Right?

So if I level with you, you're
not gonna get sore at me.

Are you?

Me get sore?
Don't be silly, Sam.

What's the matter?

I got briar patch
legs or something?

No. No, look, Eddie.
It's about Caroline.

Her real boyfriend
is Freddie Priar.

She's just been giving
you the business.

Huh?

Well, yeah, that's right, Eddie.

I heard her talking to her
girlfriends in the drugstore.

They were saying you were
corny and a conceited creep,

and laughing about
you and everything.

You're kidding?

What is there about
me a girl could laugh at?

Well, I don't know, Eddie,
but they were laughing.

Boy, I get the picture now.

I never thought my best friend

would pull a
dirty trick like this.

Look, Eddie, I was
only trying to help.

Sure, you were.

You made up all this
stuff about Caroline

so you could move
in on her yourself.

Well, let me tell you
something, you rat.

Nobody's gonna
bust me up with my girl

when I'm going steady,

and you try anything
like this again

and I'll sock you
right in the mouth.

Look, Eddie, you're not gonna
sock anybody in the mouth.

Oh, yeah? Yeah.

Okay. Okay.

Now, look. I was
only trying to tell you...

I don't need you
to tell me anything.

And you're a crummy
basketball player, too.

Hello, Eddie, are you
on your way home?

Yeah, and I'm never coming back.

Well, Ward, I thought it
was one of the children

slamming the door.

It was. Eddie Haskell.

He's never coming back.

What do you suppose happened?

I'm not sure,

but I think Wally's been the
victim of some bad advice.

Whose?

Unfortunately, mine.

[laughter]

Hi, Wally.

What do you mean, hi, Wally?

Don't you have anything to say?

Eddie sure was mad. Wasn't he?

Oh, come on. Get up.

How long you been under there?

Since I heard you and
Eddie comin' up the stairs.

Boy, how could you be so sneaky?

You knew that was private
stuff between me and Eddie.

Gee, Wally, what's
the use of being a sneak

unless you listen
to private stuff?

Boy.

Well, anyway, if Eddie
had punched you out,

I would have come
out from under the bed

and started kicking
him or something.

You know, Beaver, I'm
so mixed up right now,

I'm too tired to yell at you.

You're a good basketball player.

You know, Ward, I think it's
a shame that Wally and Eddie

had to have a fight
after all these years.

All Wally did was tell him
the truth about Caroline.

Yeah.

Well, Socrates told the
truth and they poisoned him.

Demosthenes went
around looking for the truth

and wound up living in a barrel.

So at least our Wally
is in good company.

You think that he and Eddie
will ever be friends again?

I don't know.

You get into a
fight over a girl,

and they can be pretty messy.

[chuckle]

When did you ever get
into a fight over a girl?

Well, I don't mean
that I necessarily did.

I was just talking about
things I read in books.

Well, you were smiling.

I don't think you
read it in books.

Dear, you've washed
that plate twice.

Oh.

Well, I don't think
we'll be seeing Eddie

around here anymore.

I just can't imagine him
admitting that he was wrong

and Wally was right.

It's gonna be a little
awkward though,

Wally and Eddie
not being friends.

Why do you say that?

Well, who will we have to
blame Wally's mistakes on?

Hi, kid.

Hello, Eddie.

What are you doing?

Getting the bugs off this plant.

How come you're
yanking the leaves off?

I don't want to hurt the bugs.

Oh.

You seen Wally?

Sure I've seen Wally.

He's my brother.

Hey, Eddie, what are
you doing over here?

I thought you were sore at Wally

for telling you about
the girl and everything.

How do you know
so much about it?

I was under the bed.

Well, I knew he was telling
the truth about Caroline.

You did? Then how
come you got so sore

and said you were gonna
punch him and everything?

I had to talk like that.

Wally is my best friend
and I didn't want him to think

other people think I'm a creep.

I wanted him to
think I'm a good guy.

Gee, Eddie.

People call me a
creep all the time,

and it doesn't bother me a bit.

That's 'cause you're not
old enough to be a real creep.

Yeah. I guess so.

Hey, Eddie, how come
you're being nice to me?

Usually, you're always
pushing me around.

Well, you're Wally's
brother and I thought maybe

you could tell me how to
make up with him, you know,

tell him I'm sorry and all that.

Why should I do that?

You're always mean to me.

It'd be a real big
favor, Beaver.

Well, I guess I could.

I don't think it would hurt me

being nice to
you just this once.

Thanks, squirt.

Hey Eddie, help me get
the bugs off the leaves.

Yeah, I guess so,

but only because you've
gotten me over a barrel.

Sure, Eddie. Sure.