Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963): Season 4, Episode 5 - Beaver's Freckles - full transcript

[Announcer] Starring...

and...

Yes?

Oh, uh, gee, Dad. It's
nobody. It's just me.

Oh, polishing the brass, huh?

Yeah.

Hey, come on. Take
a look at the mailbox.

Go ahead. You can
see your face in it.

Well, go ahead, Dad.

Oh, uh, not this
early in the morning.

Boy, I sure hope
we don't get any mail



for a couple of days.

I don't want the mailman
getting his fingerprints on it.

Well, Wally, you're
doing a fine job.

It's good to see you take
an interest in your home.

Sure, Dad.

Well, Beaver, what are
you going to do today?

Well, I'm going over
to Lumpy Rutherford's

with Whitey and Gilbert.

Lumpy might let us wash his car.

Let you wash it?

Yeah!

Last time, he charged
us a quarter to wash it.

This time he might
let us do it for nothing.

Well, good morning!



Hi, Dad. Good morning, dear.

Say, June, do you know Wally's out
on the front porch polishing the brass?

He's really taking an
interest in his home.

He's taking an interest in it at
the rate of fifty cents an hour.

He made a deal
with Mom last night.

Oh.

Boy, you know, you
kids really have it easy.

When I was a boy,
I had chores to do.

I had to bring in firewood,
get up before daylight,

go out to a cold
barn to milk the cows.

I didn't get paid a
cent for it, either.

You know, Dad, you should've
waited 'til now to be a kid.

Larry gets a quarter
for just being quiet

when his dad gets home.

Well, that's not the way
my father kept me quiet.

Oh, yeah. You had a
hittin' father, didn't ya?

May I be excused?

I guess so.

I'll be home for lunch, Mom.

All right.

Where's he off to?

Oh, he's going over
to the Rutherfords'

to wash Lumpy's car.

Why doesn't he stay
here and wash our car?

Because last time he had to pay
Lumpy a quarter to wash his car.

This time, he might
get to do it for nothing.

Oh.

Ward, didn't you once tell me

that your father had
a modern dairy farm

with electric milking machines?

Well, yes, he did.

But, uh, but I had to get up
before daylight to turn them on.

Wally, what are you doing there?

I'm polishing the andirons.

Oh, well, that wasn't
part of the deal.

Yeah, I know, but I had some
extra brass polish left over,

so I thought I'd throw
it in on you for nothing.

After all, I live here, too.

Wally, you're a dear, sweet boy.

Aw, gee, Mom. Don't say that.

It kind of makes me feel creepy.

Let's get with it, you babies!

What are you waiting
for, your 3:00 bottle?

That's pretty funny, huh, Beav?

Yeah. You're always saying
funny stuff like that, Lumpy.

Don't call me Lumpy!

Oh, sure, Clarence.

Hey, Clarence, after we
finish the car, can we sit in it?

What do you think it is, a
high chair or something?

Gee, we just want to sit in
it and pretend we're driving.

You said we could.

You got that in
writing, Freckles?

Who are you
talking to, Clarence?

He's talking to you, Beaver.

You're the only
one with freckles.

Yeah, I guess I am.

Huh, you really say
funny stuff, Clarence.

Never mind. Just
don't stop working!

And, hey, squeeze
that rag out, Freckles!

You want to leave streaks?

Well, Lumpy... I mean, Clarence.

Yeah, Freckles?

I'd like it better if you called
me Beaver, like you always do.

Beaver's a dumb name.

I like Freckles a lot better.

Don't you, fellas?

Gee.

Sure, Clarence.

Yeah, sure.

Where do you think you're going?

I just remembered
I've gotta go home.

Well, take it easy, Freckles.

So long, guys.

So long, Freckles.

Yeah, so long, Freckles.

You know something, Clarence?

What?

I'd rather be a
Beaver than a Lumpy.

Lump, Lump, Lump!

Hey, Clarence, I think
you hurt Beaver's feelings.

Shut up, or I won't
let you wash my car!

Sure, Clarence.

Sure, Lumpy.

Hi, dear. Hi.

Hi, Mom.

Well, we got
everything on your list.

Oh, thank you.

Well, what's this?

That's frozen Hungarian goulash.

Well, I didn't ask for this.

Well, gee, Mom, don't worry.

The guy at the market
said that if it makes you sick,

you get a new box free.

How much did you spend?

Look at this. Two
feet of groceries.

I can remember a few years ago

when we could eat for a
whole week on half a foot.

Beaver still over at Lumpy's?

Oh, no. He came
home about an hour ago

and went up to his room.

Up to his room, huh? Mm-hm.

On a Saturday afternoon.

I suppose it's too much to
hope he's reading a book.

Oh.

Oh, hi, Beav. Hi, Wally.

Hey, what are you doing?

Just looking at myself.

- Hey, you're not messing with
my shaving lotion again, are you?

Huh-uh. If you want,
you could smell me.

Okay, okay.

Hey, Wally, do you notice
anything about my face?

Doesn't look any
dumber than usual.

I mean, is there
anything on my face?

Well, sure, dirt.

I mean, is there anything on
my face that belongs to me?

Well, sure. You've got two eyes,

a nose, and a mouth,
and some freckles.

Are they good-looking
freckles or bad-looking freckles?

Whoever heard of
good-looking freckles, you goof?

Dad?

Are you busy?

Oh, well, uh, sort of, Beaver.

I'm writing out some
checks. What is it you want?

Well, what makes
people have freckles?

Well, they're caused by pigment.

Pigment? Mm-hm.

Is that what makes
pigs look like pigs?

[Ward chuckling] - I never
thought of that, Beaver.

Why do you want to
know about freckles?

Well, what would happen if
a guy had a lot of freckles?

Say, uh, well, say a million.

Well, he'd probably
make a fortune.

How could he do that?

Well, I remember a boy
who used to work in, uh,

in pictures years ago in the
old "Our Gang" comedies,

and he must have
had a million freckles.

Every time he came on the
screen, people just howled.

They laughed at him?

Well, sure. You couldn't
help but laugh at him.

I remember one picture, uh,
it was about a freckle contest,

and when this kid came
on the screen, the people...

You don't have
freckles, do you, Mom?

No, I guess not.

Then how come I got
them, if you don't got them?

Well, I don't have
the Bronson skin.

Gee, whose skin do you have?

Honey, that's
just an expression.

Your Aunt Martha has the
Bronson skin like you do.

Why, to this day, when
she goes out in the sun,

she has to take a parasol
along, so she won't get freckles.

Men can't carry
parasols, can they, Mom?

No, honey, I guess not.

Then what can they
do about their freckles?

Mm, I guess they just have
to learn to live with them.

Mom, if I started out
with Bronson skin,

how long does it take
to turn into Cleaver skin?

Oh, honey, it just
doesn't work that way.

You'll have Bronson
skin for the rest of your life.

Dear, supper will be ready soon.

Have you seen the boys?

I don't know where Beaver is.

Wally went out a while ago.

Hmph.

Uh, he might have a date.

Did he say he did?

No, but he had on a clean
shirt and his letterman sweater.

What are we going
to have for supper?

Well, honey, I hate
to disappoint you,

but it is not frozen
Hungarian goulash.

Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.

Hello, Wally.

Did you have a good
time this afternoon?

Yeah, it was okay.

I went over to
see Eddie Haskell.

He got hurt in school yesterday.

Was Eddie in a fight?

Nah.

He was goofing
around in the library,

and a book fell down
and hit him in the head.

Did you get cleaned up just
to go over and see Eddie?

Gee, no, Mom. I had to.

I ran out of dirty stuff.

Uh, did you see your
brother in your travels?

Huh-uh. When I left,

he was sitting up in his room.

Well, he must have gone
out without our hearing him.

Come on, Wally.
Help me set the table.

Ah, gee, Mom, uh,
it's kind of sissy stuff.

Well, of course it isn't.

Someday you'll be helping
your wife set the table.

Come on.

Boy, how do you like that, Dad?

I'm only a junior
in high school,

and she's going and
getting me married.

Boy, you ugly
freckle-faced kid, you.

[Wally sighing]

Wally!

Oh, well, gee, Mom.

I was just saving you the
trouble of throwing it away.

Well, next time, don't bother.

Sure, Mom.

Wally, would you go and tell
Beaver to get ready for supper?

Tell him to wash his hands
and face, brush his hair,

and clean his nails.

Oh, sure, Mom.

I'll go up and yell at
him just like I was you.

Oh, hi, Wally. Hi, Dad.

Where are you going?

Upstairs to holler
at the Beaver.

Dear, the knives and forks
are all on the wrong side.

I know, dear.

I waited for Wally to leave
before I changed them.

Hey, Beaver!

[Beaver] In here!

Oh.

Hey, Beaver. Come on, let me in.

I want to get washed.

[Beaver] You wash
someplace else!

I've got dibs in here first!

Okay, if you want to be selfish.

[Beaver] Okay, I
want to be selfish.

Hey, Beaver.

What are you doing
with Dad's sandpaper?

Nothing, Wally.

Nothing at all.

Ow.

Boy, those creepy Bronsons.

Wally!

Wally, what are you doing there?

Well, gee, Mom. I'm
just washing my hands.

Beaver's upstairs
hogging the bathroom.

Oh. Well, all right, honey.

But don't dry your
hands on my dishtowel.

Sure, Mom.

June! June!

I'm coming, dear!

Well, where have you been?

I went upstairs, and I found
my dressing table a mess.

There was makeup and
powder all over everything.

Gee, I didn't do it, Mom.

Honey, I didn't
say anyone did it.

The curtains must have blown
and knocked the bottles over.

Uh, how do you want
your meat, Wally?

Medium or rare?

Oh, I don't care,

just as long as it's got
plenty of blood on it.

Where's the Beaver?

He's not down yet.

Call your brother,
will you, Wally?

Oh, sure, Dad.

Beaver! Hey, Beaver!

Wally, please!

Oh, I'm sorry, Dad.

Hi, Dad. Hi, Mom.

Beaver, what have you got...

Uh, Wally, uh, isn't
your meat getting cold?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I guess it is, Dad.

I'll get the salad.

Hey, I'll, uh, I'll help you.

Dear, Beaver was in my makeup!

Now, why in the world would
he put that all over his face?

Well, it just dawned on me.

He was downstairs today
talking to me about freckles.

You know, he was talking
to me about them, too.

I'm afraid I didn't pay
much attention to him.

Well, for some reason, he's
self-conscious about them,

and he's trying
to cover them up.

Well, he can't keep that
makeup all over his face.

No, but, uh...

[Wally laughing]

But let's not say
anything to him right away.

I don't want to embarrass him.

Let's see if we can't get to
the bottom of it first, and then...

Hey, guys. What's up?

Wally, nothing is up.

You mean, you
didn't notice that gook

that Beaver's got
smeared all over his face?

Yes, Wally. We noticed it,

and we're not going
to say anything about it.

Oh, I get it. Child
psychology, huh?

Uh, shall we go in?

Something wrong?

No, dear, nothing wrong at all.

Well, Wally, uh, what are
you going to do tonight?

Wally, your father asked you
what you were going to do tonight.

Oh.

Well, uh, I don't know.

I might take Mary Ellen
Rogers to the movies.

That's nice.

Does anyone notice
anything different about me?

Well, heck, no.

No, I don't notice
anything different.

Do I, Dad?

No, Wally.

But, you know, uh, now
that you mention it, Beaver,

uh, there does seem to
be something different.

It's around the
face, isn't it, Ward?

Yes, uh, yes. I think it is.

My freckles are gone!

Well, so they are.

I'll be darned.

They're, they're all
gone. Aren't they, Wally?

Search me.

I can't see a thing
through that glop.

Beaver, don't you
like your freckles?

I hate 'em.

Why, Beaver?

Lumpy Rutherford
called me Freckles,

and you said in the movie they
laughed at guys with freckles.

Well, then Mom said I'd end
up looking like Aunt Martha

and have to wear a
parasol for the rest of my life,

and I feel sick,

and I'm not gonna eat
anything more tonight

because everyone in
this house is against me!

Gee, he must be growing up.

He used to didn't care whether
he was funny-looking or not.

Poor Beaver.

I wish I'd known he was
so upset about his freckles

when he talked to
me this afternoon.

Yeah.

The sad thing is there are
more freckles in his mind

than there are on his face.

Dear, there must be
something we can say to him

to make him feel better.

Well, I suppose I could, um,

I could tell him about some
of the great men in history

who had freckles.

Certainly, and
you could show him

that freckles didn't
hold them back.

Yeah. Yeah.

Well, uh, first of
all, there's, um...

How do you like that?

All I can think of
is Arthur Godfrey.

Lincoln had a mole.

Yeah, that would be a
good one to start with.

[knock on door]

- Oh, hi, Dad.
- Hi, Wally.

I, uh, thought the
Beaver was up here.

He is. He's been
sitting in the bathroom

ever since after supper.

Oh.

Uh, Wally, I'd like
to talk to him alone.

Oh, sure, Dad. It's okay.

I'm taking Mary Ellen
Rogers to the movies.

Gotta go pick her up.

Well, you'd better hurry up.

Gee, I don't want to get
to her house early, Dad.

If you get there early, you've
gotta sit in the living room

and let her father look at ya.

That's right, isn't it?

I'd almost forgotten
how that was.

Well, uh, have a
good time, Wally.

Oh, sure, Dad.

[knock on door]

Come on out, son.

You want something, Dad?

Yeah.

Beaver, both your
mother and I are very sorry

that we didn't realize how you
felt about your freckles today.

I'm afraid we sort of made the
whole thing worse, didn't we?

You didn't make it worse.
It was already worse.

Look, son.

In the first place, you don't
have very many freckles.

And anyway, it's not important

what you look
like on the outside.

It's what you are on
the inside that counts.

But, gee.

Nobody can see my insides.

Yeah, well, uh, that's not
exactly what I meant, Beaver.

Uh, look.

Let's take Abraham Lincoln.

Did he have freckles?

No, he had a mole.

A mole?

Yeah.

He was considered
a very homely man,

but he became President
of the United States,

and everybody loved him.

Do you know why?

Because he was nice to moles?

No, I mean, he had
a mole on his face.

Oh, that kind of a mole.

Yeah. And did you know,

every day, hundreds of
people go to visit Lincoln's statue

in Washington, D.C.?

Now, this is the
statue of a homely man,

but all these people
come to visit it, because,

well, because they
want to honor Lincoln

for what he was
like on the inside:

a good, kind man.

See, it just doesn't matter
what Lincoln looked like.

Now, do you understand?

Sure, Dad.

Well, I wouldn't care
what I looked like either,

if I was President
of the United States.

[Ward sighing]

Oh, hi, Mom.

Well, hello, Wally!
You're home early!

I thought you had
football practice.

They called it off on
account of the field's all wet.

Why, it hasn't
rained in two weeks.

Yeah, I know.

The automatic sprinklers forgot

to turn themselves
off last night.

The coach and the principal
had a meeting about it.

They couldn't decide
whether to let us practice

and clean our uniforms,

or to not let us
practice and go stale.

They decided to let us go stale.

That's nice.

Hey, I saw Beaver.

He was over on the
other side of the park.

Oh, what was he
doing over there?

Well, I asked him, and he said
he went over to see Clyde Appleby.

Clyde Appleby?

Beaver's never
mentioned him before.

Well, he's one of the bigger
kids from Beaver's school.

I thought you knew him.

He beat Beaver up last year.

Beat him up? Oh,
Wally, you don't think

Beaver's going to get
into another fight, do you?

Not Beaver. He's
learned his lesson.

Man, he's had it with that kid.

Hi, Clyde.

Hi, Beaver.

What are you doing here?

I haven't seen you
since I beat ya up.

Oh, that's not why I came over.

I wanted to ask you something.

Go ahead.

You won't get mad, will ya?

I don't know. Go
ahead and ask me.

How do you stand it?

Stand what?

Having freckles.

Heck, I like 'em.

Do you really?

Sure, it's swell.

People got something to call ya,

even when they
don't know your name.

Sometimes, even people
driving by in cars yell

"Hey, Freckles!" at
me. I think it's neat.

Gee, I didn't think
it was so good.

What are you talking about?

When I go to the store with a
bunch of guys for ice cream,

I'm the first one who gets his.

The guy says, "What
flavor, Freckles?"

And then I tell him.

Boy, sure is neat, all right.

Yeah, and you get to meet
a whole bunch of neat people

from having freckles.

Gee, I didn't think
it was so neat.

Yeah.

And you know what happened once?

What?

Once, a big girl asked me if
she could count my freckles.

Yeah?

Yeah. And you know what?

What?

Promise you won't tell anybody.

I promise.

Cross your heart and
hope to break a leg?

Cross my heart and
hope to break a leg.

I let her do it.

Clyde Appleby
really said that, huh?

Yeah, and he said it was
real neat having freckles,

because everyone noticed
him and said hello to him.

And I almost wish
I had some more.

Yeah, I guess if you've
got something different,

you're gonna get noticed.

Sure, look at Angela
Valentine in my class.

She had an extra toe,

and all the time everybody
was asking to see it.

Yeah, she was
a real popular kid.

Then her parents
went and cut it off,

and now she's nothing.

Yeah, well, that's
the way it goes.

[car pulling up outside]

Dad's home.

Cut it out, will ya?

Hi, dear.

Hi.

Hey, uh, how's the Beaver?

I've been thinking
about him all day.

Oh, honey, he's fine!

He came home from
school as happy as a lark.

Oh, did he say anything
about his freckles?

Yes, he said he was glad
he had the Bronson skin,

and he wished he had more.

Huh. How do you like that?

It certainly was a change.

Yesterday, freckles were the
biggest thing in his whole life!

Yeah, well, that's one of
the advantages of being a kid.

The biggest problem in your life

seldom lasts more than 24 hours.