Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963): Season 4, Episode 4 - Wally, the Lifeguard - full transcript

[Announcer] Starring...

and...

Ward, I want you to go
right up and talk to Wally.

Well, couldn't it wait
until after supper?

I've had a hard
day, and I feel better

being mean to my
kids on a full stomach.

I didn't ask you to
be mean to them.

It's just that Wally
has a new job,

and I want you to
talk him out of it.

Well, now wait a minute.

What, what kind of a new job



am I supposed
to talk him out of?

I'm not gonna tell you.

I want to see if it hits you
the same way it hit me.

Oh.

Ward! You didn't even say hello.

Hi.

Boy, Wally, are you really
gonna get ten dollars a day?

That's right.

And they're gonna take
withholding out of it and everything.

What's withholding?

That's money they take out of your
salary to run the government with.

Gee.

I didn't know they took
money away from kids

to run the government.



Well, sure.

Even if you're a little
baby and you have money,

they'll come and
take it away from ya.

[knock on door]

Well, hi, fellas!

Oh, hi, Dad.

Did you bring 'em?

Bring what, Beaver?

The flashlight batteries
you said you'd bring.

Beaver, I forgot them again.

I'm sorry. I'll bring
them tomorrow.

Boy, it sure takes a lot of
tomorrows to get those batteries.

Uh, yes, Beaver.

Well, uh, what's
all this about a job?

Yeah, Dad. I make ten dollars
a day and free meals thrown in.

And he gets to wear a
uniform and everything!

Well, now wait a
minute! Slow down here.

Uh, you haven't even
told me what the job is.

Oh, well, uh, I'm
gonna be a lifeguard.

A lifeguard?

Yeah. Yeah, on weekends,

up at the beach
at Friend's Lake.

Gee, Dad. What's the matter?

You've got that look on your
face like you were gonna say no.

Well, I haven't said no yet.

Uh, but where did
this job came from?

Well, it came from two college
guys going back to school.

The guy that owns the lake
called the coach at high school,

and he recommended
three of the best swimmers.

That was me and two seniors.

Gee, Dad. It'd be real neat.

We'd be the only family I know

that has a
lifeguard right in it.

Well, uh, Wally, I, I
guess you could try it.

Uh, you're a good swimmer,

and, uh, it's certainly
quite an honor

to have the coach recommend you.

Yeah, well, uh, Harry Hibbler's
a better swimmer than I am,

but he flunked all his subjects.

They don't want a guy
with F's saving people.

Oh. Well, all right.

Suppose you give it a try.

We'll see how it works out.

Boy, Wally. I was sure
he was gonna say no.

Yeah, me, too, especially
with Mom getting at him first.

Well, did you
talk him out of it?

Uh, no.

No, I think this job
might be good for him.

But Ward, Wally a lifeguard?

It's a lot of responsibility.

Now, dear, the coach wouldn't
have recommended him

for the job if he hadn't
thought he could do it.

There's just a few
more weekends,

and then cold
weather will set in.

Look, there are a lot of
things we have to refuse him.

I'd just hate to turn
him down on this.

Well, if you think so.

But Ward, I want you to
talk to that man up at the lake

and be sure he doesn't let
Wally do anything dangerous.

All right, dear.

All right. I'll,
uh, I'll tell him

to just have Wally save
people in shallow water.

Sure, he's gonna
get to rescue people

all over the place

and sit in this
great big high chair

they've got in the sand.

Yeah. Sure!

Well, and if we
guys go up there,

we can see Wally
being a lifeguard,

and touch him, and
smell him, and everything!

Hi, Mom.

Hello, Wally. What ya got there?

Oh, this is just my
lifeguard hat and stuff.

I bought it from this guy
whose brother used to work

up at the lake last summer.

It's kind of secondhand-looking,

but, uh, he only
charged me $3.00

on account of his
brother's away at school.

Oh, maybe your father
can buy you a new outfit.

Well, gee, no, Mom.

This stuff's all broken in.

I don't want to look like
a brand new lifeguard.

Oh.

Oh, hey, Mom, uh,
is Dad home yet?

Not yet. Why?

I've just got a
paper for him to sign.

What kind of a paper?

Well, it's from the
guy who owns the lake,

saying that he's not responsible

if I drown saving guys.

Now listen, Gilbert.

Don't you go calling
up all the guys

and telling them about
my brother's new job.

He's my brother, and I've
got dibs on bragging him up.

So long.

Hi, Beav.

Hey, Wally, what you go there?

Oh, this is just my
lifeguard suit and junk.

Well, gee, Wally.
Will you put it on?

Look, what if the
neighbors saw me walking

around the house
in broad daylight?

They'd think I
flipped or something.

Well, then will you
put it on after supper,

when it's dark?

Uh, I don't know. I might.

Aren't the Rutherfords
still on vacation?

Yeah, they're in London.

We had a postcard from Fred
down at the office the other day.

Hmph, it was a picture
of Buckingham Palace,

and he'd written across
it, "Man, what a crazy pad!"

Did people down at the office

think that was funny?

Just the ones who
work under him.

[Beaver] Mom! Dad!

Hey, Mom! Hey, Dad!

He's coming, he's coming!

Who's coming?

Wally, in his lifeguard uniform.

Doesn't he look neat?

Well, he made me put it on.

He wouldn't shut up.

You look very handsome, Wally.

Doesn't he, June?

Mm-hm.

Why, uh, if I were a
little high school girl,

I couldn't wait to
be rescued by him.

Oh, cut it out, Mom.

You make me feel
nervous just saying it.

Wally, you will be
careful, won't you?

Aw, sure, Mom.

They've got all kinds
of floats and rescue lines

and paddleboards and stuff.

Hey, Wally, walk up and down

and pretend you're
yelling at guys

for horsing around on the beach.

Stop it, will you, Beaver?

I'm gonna go back upstairs
and finish my homework.

[chuckle]

Beaver's certainly proud
of his brother, isn't he?

I think you're pretty
proud of Wally, too.

Oh, now, June, Wally
made the football team,

and the track team.

I think I can take a
thing like this in my stride.

[doorbell ringing]

I'll get it.

Good evening, Mr. Cleaver.

Oh, hello, Eddie.

Uh, I wonder if I
might speak to Wally.

We had a tentative
engagement for this evening.

That means it's
not exactly definite.

Thank you, Eddie.
Wally's upstairs.

He's been trying on
his lifeguard outfit.

Uh, lifeguard?

Is Wally really going
to be a lifeguard?

Coach Driscoll
recommended him for the job.

I suppose the fact that
he'd lettered three sports

had something to do with it.

Uh, yes, sir.

Athletics are fine, Mr. Cleaver.

Of course, my father prefers me

to develop in a normal manner.

Uh, is it all right if I go up and
speak to Wally, Mr. Cleaver?

You go right ahead, son.

[Ward sighing]

I thought you took these
things in your stride.

Oh, well, usually I do,

but there's something
about that Eddie

that brings out
the Babbitt in me.

He looks like a real
lifeguard, doesn't he, Eddie?

Sure he does, but I
get your angle, Wally.

I can see those girls now.

"Oh, save me! Save
me, Mr. Lifeguard!

I am drowning! Glub, glub..."

Cut it out, will ya, Eddie?
I'll take a poke at ya.

Go ahead, Wally. Hit him!

Take it easy, Tarzan.
You'll bend your muscles.

[Eddie heckling]

Hey, you want to go
to the movies tonight?

Well, what's playing?

Who cares? It's Friday night.

Nah, I'd better
get to bed early.

I've gotta get up and take the
bus up to the lake in the morning.

I'm going with two other guys
that are gonna be lifeguards.

Okay, you get your
beauty rest, champ.

Ah.

Hey, Wally, how come
Eddie doesn't care

what's playing at the movies?

Beaver, didn't you
ever hear of girls?

Heard of 'em? I wish
they'd never been invented.

Ward, do you know what
time Wally got up this morning?

It must have been very early.

It certainly was.

He had two alarm
clocks in his room

to make sure he
wouldn't miss the bus.

Ward, are you sure
he'll be all right?

Oh, of course,
he'll be all right.

He's at the age where
he can look after himself.

I know.

I think that's what upsets
me more than anything.

Now, there's nothing
to worry about.

You sure?

Sure.

Um, maybe a little
later on this morning,

we could, uh, sort of
drive up to Friend's Lake.

You know, I think Beaver
might get a kick out of it.

Yes, and I could pack a lunch,

and then Wally wouldn't
know we came up to watch him.

Y...

Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.

- Well, good morning, Beaver.
- Good morning, Beav.

Your father and I thought
we might drive up to the lake

to see your brother today.

Gee, Mom. That's neat!

Can I bring a couple
of the guys along?

Beaver, do you think you
could keep them quiet?

You know how your father
hates to have children screaming

in the back seat
while he's driving.

Oh, they'll be quiet.

And if they
don't, I'll tell them

you'll sit between them.

Thanks.

You bring your
friends along, Beaver.

We'll all go up and
make a day of it.

Yeah, Mary Ellen?
This is Eddie Haskell.

Yeah, I was wondering
if you and Alma

might want to take a trip
up to Friend's Lake today.

I'll pay for the tickets.
Oh, the dentist, huh?

Aw, that's too bad.

Yeah, I just thought
you might want to go.

You see, my best
friend, Wally Cleaver,

is a lifeguard up there.

Yeah, he really is.

Okay, I'll meet you at the bus
station in about half an hour.

Yeah, you can go to
the dentist anytime.

Well, this has your
father's signature on it.

I guess everything's
in order, Wally.

Wait a minute. Is
this your right age?

Yes, sir.

Didn't Coach Driscoll tell you

all our lifeguards
had to be at least 18?

Well, no, sir. He didn't
say a word about it.

They raised the
age limit this year.

I just assumed that
he knew all about it.

I'm sorry, Wally.
It's a state law.

You're a fine swimmer,

but you're just too
young, that's all.

Gee, you mean
I've gotta go home?

Well, I bought this, this hat

and a secondhand
T-shirt and everything.

Gee, if I go home, my parents
would think I goofed it up.

I hate to disappoint...
Wait a minute.

There are a couple of
other jobs around here

you could do on weekends.

- There are?
- Yeah.

How'd you like to
be a candy butcher?

A candy butcher?

Well, you know,
go around the beach

selling candy and cold
drinks and hotdogs.

Oh, I don't know. I
don't know, Mr. Burton.

I'd still pay you
what I promised you.

Yeah. Yeah, I guess
it would be okay.

Well, uh, I, uh, I guess you
wear a different kind of hat

if, uh, you're a candy butcher.

I'm afraid so.

Here's some canned peaches
my mom sent over, Mrs. Cleaver.

She preserved
them all up herself.

Well, thank you, Whitey.

My mom gave me a
dollar to take along,

in case you have stuff
to eat that I don't like.

Yeah, well,
that's fine, Gilbert.

Now, come on, boys.
Get in the back seat.

I've got dibs on the window!

Me, too!

It's my car!

Yeah, but I get car sick!

Boys!

Boys, look. Now,
you're gonna take turns.

Beaver, you sit
in the middle first.

Yes, ma'am.

Don't worry, Dad.

They won't yell
while you're driving.

He's already
threatened them with me.

Where're you going?

I forgot the camera!

Hey, Mom, how come Dad
went and got the camera?

Must be gonna take a picture
of somebody up at the lake.

Yeah.

Now, always keep your
dogs covered, Wally.

Here's your mustard
here, your relish.

Now, you keep your
change in this cigar box.

Do I, uh, uh, just walk around?

Yeah. And while you
walk around, you bark.

Bark?

Now get your cold drinks!

Get your red hots right here!

We got 'em, you want 'em!

Looka here, looka
here, looka here!

Think you can do that?

Uh, yes sir.

Now if any wise
kids try to heckle you

or throw sand at you,
why, don't let it bother you.

You know how kids are.

Yeah. Yeah, sure.

Good luck.

Uh, get your cold drinks.

Get your red hots right here.

Look here, look here, look here.

[kids chattering]

Uh, you girls want to move over

just a little bit to the left?

Uh, I want to be comfortable.

[kids chattering]

Well, we were lucky
to find this place.

Not too crowded today.

I'm sorry you had to stop
and give me air, Mr. Cleaver.

Whitey, I was happy to stop.

Gilbert, have you ever
been up here before?

I don't know.

Woods all look the same to me.

Look, the table's crooked.

We'll have to eat downhill.

Ah, maybe we can
all lean to the right.

Huh?

My dad's making a joke.

Hey, can me and the
guys take the camera

and take a picture of
Wally being a lifeguard?

Oh, I guess so, Beaver.

But don't you make a
nuisance of yourself.

Oh, sure, Dad. Come on, guys!

Let's go!

Eddie, stop embarrassing us.

What do you want
from me? I'm living!

[hitting on bongos]

[kids chattering]

Do you think the
water's cold, Eddie?

What am I, a thermostat?

[Wally] Get your
ice cold drinks!

Get your red hots!

Get your ice cold drinks!

Get your hotdogs right here!

Why, that's Wally Cleaver.

Yeah. Hey, Wally, over here!

Oh, hi, Eddie,
Thelma, Mary Ellen.

Uh, I'm a butcher.

Eddie told us you
were a lifeguard.

Yeah, what happened, Sam?

Well, they've got this law
that you've gotta be 18.

I get the same
money for this job.

Oh. It's a neat job, Wally.

I think you look cute in
your hotdog suit, Wally.

Yeah, sure, Alma.

Uh, well, uh, I guess I'd
better get back to work.

Um, get your ice cold drinks!

Get your red hots right here!

Well, no use
drowning today, girls.

[hitting on bongos]

Maybe he's at this stand.

We've been to
three of them already.

Hey, Wally!

You kids want something?

No, we're just
looking for my brother.

You're not him.

Hey, Mister, where's
Wally Cleaver?

Who?

Wally Cleaver.

He's supposed to
be a lifeguard here.

Never heard of him.

They just hired a couple
of new guys, though.

He might be over on
one of the other stands.

Okay.

If a dog fell in the lake, would
you have to save him, too?

That's never come up.

Get your red hots right here!

Get your ice cream!

If a monkey fell in the lake,

would you have to save him?

No, just people. Why
don't you get lost, kid?

Yeah. Well, let's go
let my mom feed us.

No, let's go find Wally.

Um, no.

Do you want that food to get
rotten and we get poisoned?

Yeah, let's go
eat his mom's food

before it gets to be poison.

Yeah. Come on, guys.

Get your ice cold drinks!

Get your hotdogs right here!

We got 'em! You want 'em!

Well, did you find Wally?

Uh, no. He's probably
out rescuing somebody.

Could we have something to eat?

Beaver, we just got here.

Beaver, you mean, you
couldn't find Wally at all?

The life guard over there
said he never heard of him.

But he said he might
be at another stand.

Oh, well, uh, why don't
you run down and see?

Well, I think they've got a rule

that the kids aren't supposed
to talk to the lifeguard,

or they'll get in trouble.

Gee whiz, Beaver. We
talked to that other lifeguard.

Yeah, but, um, maybe he wasn't
around when the rule was made up.

Beaver, do you feel all right?

Gee, no, Mom.

My sister got
appendicitis at a lake once.

Maybe he's coming
down with something.

Yeah, and if I'm coming
down with something,

well, I'd feel better coming
down with it at home.

Looky here! Looky here!

Hey, it's Wally!

Well, Wally!

Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.

Wally, what on
earth are you doing?

I'm barking hotdogs
on account of

you gotta be an old
guy to be a lifeguard.

Boy, Wally.

This is the meanest
thing you ever did to me.

Ward, I wish Beaver
wouldn't act the way he did.

Why, he hardly said a word
all the way home in the car.

Well, he was pretty
embarrassed in front of his friends

when Wally showed
up selling hotdogs.

Well, it wasn't Wally's fault.

I don't think Beaver's much
interested in whose fault it was.

He just feels he's
been double-crossed.

Hey, Mom. My nose got kind
of sunburned up at the lake.

Do you have any suntan lotion?

No, but I have some baby oil.

Why don't you use that?

Aw, gee, Mom. I don't want to
go around smelling like a baby.

Believe me, son. You
won't smell like a baby.

Well, okay.

Where's the Beaver?

Aw, he's still upstairs
not speaking to me.

He's still sore about me
not being a big shot lifeguard.

Well, he can't go
on pouting like this.

Would you tell him
to come down here?

I'd like to speak to him.

Well, sure, Dad.

Ward, when you first
saw Wally selling hotdogs,

were you let down, too?

Well, yeah. I was little upset

when I first saw
him in that outfit,

but then I remembered
that I'm a father,

and I'm not supposed
to have any feelings.

Hey, Beav. I said, hey, Beav!

I'm not speaking to ya.

Look, I don't care whether
you're speaking to me or not.

Dad wants to talk to ya.

I'll bet you went down there

and told him to
yell at me, didn't ya?

Of course not.
Why would I do that?

'Cause you're a creepy brother!

[door slamming]

Rat, rat, rat!

[door slamming]

Sit down.

No, Dad. I'd rather
stand up and get yelled at.

Beaver, I'm not
going to yell at you.

But aren't you going to tell
me about being sore at Wally?

Well, thank you for saving
me the preliminaries, Beaver.

Yes, I am.

Uh, Beav, have you tried
to analyze your feelings?

I mean, do you know why you're
treating Wally the way you are?

Sure, because I hate him.

You don't really
hate your brother.

I sure hope not, Dad,

'cause it's not making me feel
very good, being mean to Wally.

You see, Beav, you've always
been very proud of Wally.

And now, for the first time,
you think he's let you down,

but he hasn't.
You've let him down.

But, gee, Dad.

He said he was
gonna be a lifeguard,

and then, he showed up butchering
hotdogs in front of the guys.

Well, Beaver, don't you
see what you've been doing?

You've been using Wally
to make you feel important

in front of your friends.

Now, are you gonna
not speak to him

just because he's
had a bad break?

Gee, no, Dad.

I've been acting real dumb,

but I can't tell
Wally I'm sorry.

He wouldn't understand.

Beav, let me tell you a story.

Once there was a little
boy, uh, just about your age.

And somehow, he got the idea

that his father had
been a big football star.

Well, finally, one day,
right in front of his friends,

his father had to tell him
that he hadn't been a star,

that he'd been just a
second string halfback,

that he'd hardly played at all.

Dad, is this one
of those stories

where you turn out
to be the little boy?

No, Beaver.

In this one, I turn out to be
the second string halfback.

Wally was mad at you?

He sure was for a while.

But the point is, Beaver,

I think Wally's old enough
now to understand how you feel.

But, gee, Dad, if that's true,

then I don't even have
to say I'm sorry at all.

All's I gotta do is start
talking to him again.

That's all you have to do, Beav.

Oh, Beav, uh, there's
one more thing.

Uh, no,

I think you've had enough
lecturing for one night.

Maybe you ought to tell me, Dad.

Then I could wake up tomorrow
with nothing to worry about.

Well, I don't think

you should've told
your mother and me

that you were sick
at the beach today.

Gee whiz, Dad. I was.

All right, Beav.

I guess maybe you were at that.

You going to bed
now, too, Wally?

Yeah, I'm beat.

That's a rough job,
butchering hotdogs.

But it's neat getting
ten dollars a day.

Yeah.

You know, Wally,
I've just been thinking.

Maybe tomorrow, when you're
selling hotdogs on the beach,

all the other lifeguards
will be out rescuing people,

and there'll be this girl,
and she'll start drowning,

and you'll throw away
your hotdogs and swim out

and save her in
front of all the people.

Aw, cut it out, Beav.

You know that's
not gonna happen.

Yeah. And even if it did,

on account of you're not 18,

you'd have to throw her back.