Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963): Season 4, Episode 33 - Community Chest - full transcript

Starring...

and...

Good morning, dear.

Good morning.

How do you like the tie?

Oh, very attractive.

Yeah, thanks.

Hi, Dad.

Good morning, boys!

Good morning, Dad.

Dad, does everybody
at your office



wear suits and ties every day?

Well, of course, Beaver.

After all, it wouldn't look
right running a business

if everyone wore sports
shirts and sweaters.

Yeah, I guess it'd make it
look too easy, huh, Dad?

Yeah.

Wally, would you
help me, please?

Oh, sure, Mom.

I'm gonna come right
home after school today

and change my clothes,
then we can go together.

Go where together?

Well, you know, to my
school for the open house.

- Wally, is that today?
- Yeah.

Yeah, they've got our work
for the whole year in folders.



Then they show
you the dumb graph.

The dumb graph?

Yeah. Yeah, it's this chart

with everybody's grades on it,

and it proves that Mayfield High

is smarter than any other
school in the whole county.

How come it works out that way?

I don't know.

I guess 'cause the
principal makes out the chart.

I'm sure that's not
the way it works at all.

I'll be home early, Mom.

Uh, you can come, can't you?

Well, yes, Wally.

I was going to go out and
collect for the Community Chest,

but, well, maybe
I can call them up

and see if they can
get someone else.

Oh, I could do it for you, Mom.

Do what, Beaver?

Go around for Mom.

I like collecting
money and junk.

Oh, I don't think so,
Beaver. I'd better call them.

Well, what's the big deal?

All he's gotta do is go around

and ring doorbells,
and hold out a can

for the people to
put the money in.

I know he's dopey,
but he's not that dopey.

Yeah, sure, Mom. Wally's right.

What do you think, Ward?

Well, it's just here in
the neighborhood, isn't it?

Yes, and over as far as
Grant Avenue and Jefferson.

Well, it's only one afternoon.

It might be a good
experience for Beaver.

Coffee?

Yes, please.

Well, I just don't like the idea
of Beaver going around alone.

Well, I'll take Gilbert with me.

He's a nice kid, and
he weighs 90 pounds.

Well, all right, Beaver.

I'll leave the collection
can on the hall table.

Say, Wally, about
this open house,

why is it they never
invite the fathers?

Well, Eddie says
it's mothers only,

because some of the
teachers are a scared

that the fathers might
put the muscle on them.

That Eddie Haskell
certainly has a great insight

into human nature, hasn't he?

Yeah, it's too bad
he's such a creep.

Hi, Gilbert. I'm all ready.

Beaver, you've got bugs.

No, I don't. I took
a bath last night.

I mean, on your bushes.

Oh, yeah.

A guy came around in a
truck and was gonna croak 'em,

but he wanted too much money,

so my dad's gonna
croak 'em himself.

Oh.

Where are we gonna
start collecting, Beaver?

Over on Filbert Street.

Okay, let's go.

Hey, Gilbert, uh, before we go,

would you help me practice?

Well, what do you
mean, practice?

Well, you be a lady, and
I'll come up collecting.

No, I don't feel like it.

Oh, come on, just for practice.

I don't want to
practice to be a lady.

Well, come on, be a pal.

I'll be a pal, but I
don't want to be a lady.

Hey, I've got a great idea.

You can be a man home
from work, sick or something.

A man's okay, but... I
don't feel like being sick.

You don't have to be
dying sick, for Pete's sake.

You can just have,
well, an earache

or the chicken pox.

Tell you what.
I'll just be allergic.

Okay. You go over there,

and I'll come up and
ring your doorbell.

All right, here I come.

Rrriiing, rrriiing!

Good afternoon.

Uh, my name is Theodore Cleaver,

and I'm a neighbor of yours,

and I'm collecting for
the Community Chest,

uh, your neighborhood
friendly charity.

Hey, Gilbert, don't
scratch while I'm talking.

I told you I'm allergic.

How'd I sound?

Okay, I guess.

I just hope nobody
throws water on us

or calls the cops or anything.

Ahh.

Well, good afternoon. My
name is Theodore Cleaver,

and I'm a neighbor of yours,

and I'm collecting for
the Community Chest.

Hey, Mom! I'm all ready.

You're going to be
late for the open house.

All right!

- Well, how do I look?
- Okay.

Hey, it's not as bad
as I thought it would be.

Wally!

Oh, well, what I mean
is, well, you know,

some mothers come to school

with big hats, and
furs, and smellin'.

You know, from perfume.

Boy, when that happens,
it makes a guy feel like

crawling in his
locker and dying.

Well, I'm glad I'm not going
to embarrass you, Wally.

Boy, last year, Connie
Babson's mother

came in a car with a chauffeur.

Connie got hysterical.

Her mother had to
park it around the block

and walk a whole
half mile to school.

Well, you know,
if it would help,

I could go put on an old apron.

Gee, Mom, it's not that.

A guy likes his
mother to look good,

but he just doesn't
want her looking so good

that people notice her.

I think I know what
you mean, Wally.

When I was in boarding school,

Aunt Martha used to come
and speak French to my teacher.

Oh, boy, that must
have been rough.

Well, anything else?

I'll tell you in the car.

I wonder how Beaver's
making out with his collecting.

Aw, don't worry about
the Beaver, Mom.

At his age, he's got a good
face for collecting money.

Thank you.

Good afternoon. I'm
a neighbor of yours,

and I'm collecting for
the Community Chest.

Kids.

What do you want?

You got me out of a shower!

Well, he wants, he
wants... He wants what?

I don't know!

What do you want?

I don't know!

Uh, you'd better go on
this one yourself, Beaver.

What's the matter, Gilbert?

Are you chicken?

Of course not.

Well, then how come
you don't come with me?

'Cause this way, if
someone starts hitting you,

I can go run and get the police.

Yeah, I guess so.

Been expecting you. You're late!

Uh, good afternoon.
I'm a neighbor of yours.

I know who you are.
Hold out the container.

Steady, boy. What
are you shaking for?

Oh, it's not me that's shaking.

It's just my hand.

Well, thank you, ma'am.

Thanks for buying me the
ice cream cone, Beaver.

Well, that's okay, Gilbert.

Watermelon Pistachio
is my favorite flavor.

Yeah, but I like
Caramel Tangerine.

Mm, it sure is good.

Yeah.

My mom gave me the
money to buy the ice cream

on account of you
helping me collect this.

Thanks, Beaver. Boy,
you jingle real good.

Yeah.

How much money do
you think you collected?

I don't know. The
can's about half full.

We must have got
nineteen or twenty dollars.

Wow!

This ice cream's good.

It sure is.

You know, I once knew a kid
that ate 15 ice cream cones.

Yeah? What kid?

Just a kid.

I'll bet you're making it up.

What was the kid's name?

I don't know.

That proves you're making it up.

What do you mean?

If I was making it up, I'd
make up his name, too.

Yeah, I guess so,

but I still think
you're making it up.

No, I'm not.

My dad happened to be
there, and he saw it, too.

What was your father doing

watching a kid eating
ice cream cones?

It was his day off.

Oh.

You know, Gilbert,
when I was a little kid,

I used to eat that part
of the ice cream first.

It'd get all gudgy
and drip through.

Me, too. It was a neat mess.

Yeah.

Boy, little kids
are sure stupid.

I wonder where they ever get
brains enough to grow up with.

You don't need any
brains to grow up.

It just happens to you.

Yeah. Well, I guess so.

Hey, Beaver, listen.

How come you're not
jingling anymore, Beaver?

Oh, that's because I put
the money in my back pock...

Hey, it's gone!

That's why you're
not jingling anymore.

Well, how long since
I jingled last, Gilbert?

Gosh, Beaver, I don't know.

You've gotta
remember. It's important!

But I can't.

I don't go around all the time

listening when you
jingle and when you don't.

Boy, losing that money
is about the worst mess

I'm ever gonna be in.

Oh, Hi, Beav.

Say, how'd it go today?

Pretty good mostly.

How was that thing
at your school?

Okay.

Mom was great.

She shook hands
with all my teachers,

but she didn't try to be
nice to 'em or anything.

Oh.

What's the matter
with you anyway?

Nothing much.

Oh, no?

You look like you used to

when they sent you
home from kindergarten

for filling your
socks full of mud.

Did I used to do
stupid stuff like that?

You sure did.

What stupid stuff
did you do now?

I lost the Community
Chest money.

You lost it?

Beaver, how could you do that?

Well, me and Gilbert were
having ice cream cones,

so I put the money
in my back pocket.

Well, then he said I
wasn't jingling anymore,

so I went to reach
for it, and it was gone.

Boy, I'd better get my
homework done early tonight.

How come, Wally?

'Cause there's gonna be a lot of
yelling and screaming around here.

That's how come.

I guess they're gonna
find out about it, huh?

Well, sure they are!

First, Mom's gonna say,
"Where's the can of money?"

And then Dad's gonna say,

"Well, how did our little
collector make out today?"

And then, pow, bang, wham!

Gee, Wally, cut it out.

Just tell me what I should do.

Well, first of all,
you should tell them

that you lost the money.

If they have to
drag it out of you,

that makes it worse on you.

Yeah, they like to
think you're honest,

even if you are stupid.

Oh, hi, Beav!

Hi, Dad.

Well, how'd my little
collector do today?

Aw, gee, Dad.

Well, Beav, what's the matter?

I lost the money.

You lost the Community
Chest money?

That's all I had to lose,
except for the ice cream money,

and I already spent that.

Well, Beaver, I...

Honey, I thought
we'd have an early...

Well, hi there, Beav!

I didn't know you were home.

I know, Mom. I've
been sort of hiding.

What for?

He lost the Community
Chest money.

Lost it?

Beaver, that's just terrible.

I know, Mom. I knew
it was just terrible

as soon as I stopped jingling.

Well, Beaver, all of those
people who gave you money

expected it to be turned
over to the Community Chest.

Now, we're going to have to do
something about that, aren't we?

Yes, sir. I figured
you'd tell me

what we were
going to do about it.

Oh, my, Ward.
Maybe it's my fault.

It might have been too
much responsibility for him

collecting that money.

Oh, no, Mom.

It wasn't too much
responsibility collecting it;

just hanging onto it.

All right, Beaver.

I know your
intentions were good,

so I'm going to make you a deal.

I'll replace the money.

Gee, Dad, that'd be neat!

Yeah, but your
part of the bargain

is to try and find out how
much each of the people gave.

Gee, Dad, how can I do that?

Well, the only way I know

is to go back to
everyone you called on

and ask them what they gave.

But if I do that, Dad,

they'll know what a creep I was.

Well, if you have a better way,

I'll be glad to listen to it.

I could think of a
lot of ways, Dad,

but you wouldn't like 'em.

Beaver, would you like
me to go with you tomorrow?

We could go after school.

No, Mom. I'll take
Gilbert with me.

Maybe the people will think
some of this mess is his fault.

All right, son.

And, uh, I think it'd
be a good idea, too,

to take a little notebook along

and keep a record of
what everyone gave you.

Yes, sir.

I still think it
might be my fault.

Now, June, stop acting
like a modern parent

and blaming yourself every time
your children do something wrong.

Hi, Mom.

Well, hello there, Wally.

Is your school back
to normal today?

Oh, yeah. We had an
assembly this morning,

and Mr. Haller
thanked all the students

for dragging their parents
down to the open house.

Well, now, Wally, I'm sure we
were all very happy to attend.

Say, I didn't see
Mrs. Haskell there.

- She out of town?
- Oh, no.

No, Eddie played it cool
and didn't tell her about it.

Oh, Wally, why does
Eddie do things like that?

Well, I guess he's just
suspicious of everybody,

including his own parents.

Hey, Mom, is Beaver out
checking on those people

that gave him money yesterday?

Uh-huh.

He and Gilbert left
about an hour ago.

Boy, it's kind of
tough on the Beaver,

don't you think, Mom?

Well, I think your father
worked out a solution

that's very fair.

Yeah, I guess so.

You know, I don't think
I'll ever be a good father.

Why do you say that, Wally?

Oh, I don't know.

I guess it's just too hard
for me to be mean to people.

What is it, boy? I gave
you money yesterday.

Well, I know, ma'am, but I, I...

Speak up, boy! Don't mumble!

Well, you see, ma'am,

after I collected all
that money yesterday,

me and my friend here,
Gilbert, were walking along,

and he noticed I
wasn't jingling anymore.

You weren't what?

He means he lost the money.

That was very careless of you.

Well, that's what
my father said,

and he said I have to find out
how much money you gave me,

well, so I can pay it back.

Just a minute. I'll look.

Cat food, 17 cents;

package of pins, 21 cents.

Oh, yes, here we are.
Community Chest, 79 cents.

Thank you, ma'am.

Here you are, son!

Oh, oh, no, ma'am.

You're not supposed
to give me any money.

Well, my dad says I
have to pay it back myself.

Nonsense, boy.

And you tell your
father, from me,

that he ought to remember
that he was once a boy himself,

just like you!

Oh, no, ma'am. He
wasn't careless like me.

I know, because he
told me so, many times.

Thank you, ma'am.

Excuse me, lady,
but this dumb kid

lost the money you
gave him yesterday.

For the Community Chest?

Yes, ma'am.

His father's making him find out

what everybody gave him,

so he can make it up.

Oh, well, I think I
gave you a dollar.

Some of the people are
giving him the money again,

'cause they feel sorry
for him for being so dumb.

Well, I think I can
take care of that.

Just a second.

You see how much
I'm helping you, Beaver?

Yeah, Gilbert, but next time,

let me tell the people I'm dumb.

It doesn't make
me feel so creepy.

There you go.

Thank you very much, lady.

You're welcome.

No, Mrs. Harris. My
father's not mean.

Well, he's just being fair.

Well, goodness gracious!
It's no sin to lose anything.

I do it all the time myself.

You know what?

I'm going to give you twice
what I gave you yesterday.

Well, gee, Mrs. Harris,
you don't have to do that.

But I want to, just as
soon as I can find my purse.

I'm always losing it.

In the meantime,
you boys come on in

and have some milk and
cake, and don't argue with me.

Hi, dear.

Hi! How are you?

Did, uh, Beaver get back
from his collecting yet?

Yes, he came home
a little while ago,

and he was very happy.

Oh, most of the people
remember what they gave him?

Do you know that most
of them contributed again,

and two or three of
them gave him double?

Well, that's fine.

I suppose he just turned
on the old Cleaver charm.

Either that, or he
stood there and cried.

Thanks a lot.

Oh, excuse me.

Hello.

Yeah, Wally, almost everybody
that gave me money yesterday

gave me money today.

Some people even gave me more.

They must have felt sorry
for you for being so dumb.

Yeah, that's what Gilbert said.

Even the cranky guy who
chased us away yesterday

gave us money today.

Yeah? Well, how come?

I think because he was dry.

You know, Wally,
grownups aren't so bad.

Well, sure, sure.

We're pretty good,
once you get to know us.

Us? Don't give me that, Wally.

Any guy who still has to
be told to change his socks

isn't a grownup.

What are you talking about?

I change socks lots
of times on my own.

Oh, hi, Dad.

Hey, you don't have
to replace the money.

Beaver got you off the hook.

Yeah, Dad, I got
18 whole dollars.

Well, that's fine, Beaver.

But, uh, son, Mr. Monroe
just called from the drug store,

and somebody
found your money can

on the bus bench yesterday,

and they finally
traced it back to us.

Gee, Dad, that's neat.

Now I'll have double the money
to give to the Community Chest.

Yeah, well, uh, I'm afraid

it doesn't work quite
that way, Beaver.

Uh, look, uh, let's
analyze this a minute.

Uh-oh. Whenever you say that,

that always means
I'm in trouble.

It doesn't mean you're
in trouble at all, Beaver.

It's just that the people
who gave you money today

gave it to you because
they were sorry for you.

So, the only fair thing to do is
tell them you found the money

and give them a
chance to take it back.

Well, sure, Beav.

What Dad means is you can't
take money under false pretenses.

Don't go making it worse,
Wally, by using your big words.

Gee, Dad, I can't take that
money back to those people.

They'll think I'm the
goofiest kid that ever lived.

Yeah, Dad.

It's rough when grownups
think you're goofy,

'cause what can you do about it?

Yeah, I guess you're right.

Well, I'll tell you, Beav,

I think I can handle
it for you this time.

Are you going around
collecting house to house, Dad?

Well, I don't know
about that, Beaver.

Well, when you get
over to Elm Street,

watch out for a
guy in a bathrobe.

If he comes out wet,
you'd better start running.

Well, thanks for
the tip, Beaver,

but I think maybe I can
handle it another way.

- You know something, Wally?
- What?

Being a father sure takes
up a lot of a guy's time.

Well, that's very nice
of you, Mrs. Harris,

and I'm sorry
about all this mix-up.

Yes, yes, he is
a pretty fine boy.

Yeah. Well, thank you very much.

Goodbye.

Ward, you coming upstairs?

Well, not right away.

I have about 12
more calls to make.

Well, that's quite a list.

Well, I can't ask my
son to do the right thing

and not be willing
to do it myself.

How are you making out?

Well, you know, so far, no
one's wanted his money back.

I don't know if it's generosity

or if they're just fed up
with hearing from Cleavers.

I'm beginning to get some idea
of what Beaver went through.

Well, I guess even at our age,

it's embarrassing to
admit things got mixed up.

I'll tell you one thing.

If I had it to do over again,

I don't think I'd
send Beaver out.

I think I'd have gone myself.

Well, all right, dear.

Next year, I'll give
you the collection can

and let you lose it.

I'll look forward to that.

Hey, Beav, you still awake?

Yeah. I was just thinking.

Well, now, what do you
want to go and do that for?

I was just thinking I wouldn't
have gotten into all this trouble

if you'd have quit school when
you were in the eighth grade.

Now, what do you mean?

Then you wouldn't
have gone to high school,

and you wouldn't have
had an open house,

and Mom wouldn't
have gone to it,

and I wouldn't have gone out
collecting and lost the money.

Beaver, you're a kid.

There'll always be ways
for you to get into messes.

Boys, will you be quiet in here?

Now, you know
tomorrow's a school day.

Now be quiet!

Good night.

Good night, Mom.

Good night.

There, you see, Beav?

You got into trouble
just by thinking.