Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963): Season 4, Episode 34 - Junior Fire Chief - full transcript

Starring...

and...

Now, boys and girls,
before the bell rings,

I'd like to tell you
that tomorrow,

we're going to start

another one of our
interesting civic projects.

Oh, no.

Well, now class,
we've always enjoyed

our civic projects, haven't we?

Yes, Miss Landers,

except when we studied erosion.



I went home and my father
asked me what I did in school.

I said we looked at dirt.

He got mad at me.

Well, we're all through
looking at dirt, Harry.

This week, we're going to
start our fire prevention project.

We're going to learn
about our fire department.

We're going to
study fire hazards

and how to prevent fires.

But first of all, we're going
to elect a Junior Fire Chief.

Miss Landers?

Yes, Penny.

Can a girl be a
Junior Fire Chief,

or is it just for the boys?

Yes, Theodore?



Well, do we get to
go to fires and junk?

No, Beaver, we're mainly
concerned with preventing fires

at school, and in our homes.

Heck.

Oh, Beaver, I think
we'll find it very exciting.

And now, boys and girls,
between now and tomorrow,

I want you to think
about who would make

our best Junior Fire Chief,

and who you're
going to vote for.

Yes, Richard?

My grandfather was in
the San Francisco fire.

Oh, well, he must have told you

some very interesting stories.

Oh, no, ma'am,
he'd already croaked

before I knew him.

Oh, that's a shame.

Oh, now, everybody remember
tomorrow is our election day.

Hey Beav, are you gonna
vote for me for Junior Fire Chief?

Well, gee, I don't
know, Gilbert.

You don't know?

Hey, Beaver, are you trying
to say I'm not a neat guy?

No, I think you're a neat guy.

That's a lot, Beaver. I
knew I could count on you.

Hey, Beaver, I just want
to tip you off to something.

To what, Richard?

Well, I'm gonna
be Junior Fire Chief,

so if you vote for anybody else,
your vote's gonna be wasted.

Well, I don't know, Richard.

Maybe I better
think about it, I think.

Okay, Beaver.

But when I'm up there
getting the badge tomorrow,

how are you gonna
feel sitting back there

knowing you're the only
creep that didn't vote for me?

Yeah.

Well, I sure wouldn't
want to feel that way.

Okay, then it's all
set. Thanks a lot, pal.

Want a piece of candy, Beaver?

Gee thanks, Whitey.

Good?

Mm-hmm.

Oh, and thanks
for voting for me.

Who said I was voting for you?

Gee, Beav, you
wouldn't want to take

a piece of candy from a guy

and then not vote
for him, would ya?

You mean, that's the only
reason you gave me the candy?

What else? Hey Bill, wait up!

Excuse me.

Why, Beaver Cleaver, it's you!

Why, you're getting
so big and tall

that I didn't recognize you.

Well, you see me every day.

Yes, but not this close.

Yeah. It's creepy, isn't it?

You know, Beaver,
you're the nicest boy

in our whole class.

I am?

Oh yes, Beaver.

You never throw stuff
at the girls at recess,

or tease them, or
make sick noises

while we're eating or anything.

I was telling my
mother the other day,

"That Beaver Cleaver
is the nicest looking boy

in dancing school,"
and she said...

Uh, Penny?

Yes, Beaver?

I'm not gonna vote for you.

Beaver Cleaver, you're
a smelly little skunk.

I'm still not gonna vote for ya.

Hey, Beaver?

No!

Gee, I didn't even get
a chance to ask him.

Well, Wally, how's your junior
class spring dance coming?

Well, not so good.

I don't know if we're
gonna have one.

Why not?

Well, 'cause I'm
on the committee

to get the orchestra, and
we've only got 18 bucks.

Wally, 18 dollars,
that's not very much.

Well, Eddie Haskell
said that if we get

some of the rich kids'
parents to chaperone,

then they could
come up with the loot.

Typical Eddie Haskell idea.

Well, Beaver, I
guess you don't have

any big problems like that
in grammar school, do you?

Well, gee, no, Dad.

The only thing we got going is

we're gonna elect
a Junior Fire Chief.

Big deal.

I suppose that's tied up with
fire prevention week, huh?

I think it's tied up with
something like that,

'cause they're making
a big fuss about it.

Beav, you think you got any
chance of making fire chief?

I haven't thought about it.

I've been too busy thinking
of who I'm gonna vote for.

Why don't you run yourself?

Well sure, Beav, you'd
make just as good a fire chief

as any of those
other little goofs.

Beaver, why don't you ever
want to run for anything?

Oh, well, that's on account
of I don't wanna be a big shot.

Boys, would you help
me clear the table?

Well sure, Mom.

What do you mean, you
don't wanna be a big shot?

I don't want guys
nudging other guys

and saying, "Boy,
look at that Beaver.

Man, he really thinks
he's something."

Well Beaver, other
boys in your class

got elected to things.

Sure Dad, but I'd feel funny.

On the outside,
I'd be a big shot.

But on the inside,
it'd still be me.

Just look at it
this way, Beaver,

somebody's gotta be
the Junior Fire Chief,

and it might as well be you.

Beaver, if you
did run, you'd win.

Gee, Mom, well, why
would they elect me?

Well, just because
you're so sweet.

Mom, I don't think
any kid in school

ever got elected just
because he was sweet.

Well, maybe that was the
wrong expression to use.

I believe your
mother was thinking

along the same lines as I was.

I think you'd probably
make as good a fire chief

as any of the other children,

and personally, I'd
like to see you try for it.

Yeah, I guess so, Dad.

And, anyway, it's better than

standing around
here talking about it.

No fooling, Beaver?

You're really gonna
run for Junior Fire Chief?

Well, I guess so.

Boy, Beav, in all the time
we've been going to school,

you never ran for anything.

I know.

But my parents told me

I shouldn't always be a nothing.

Hey, I thought only my
parents said stuff like that.

Nah, my parents
even say it to me,

and look what a big shot I am.

You know, Beaver,
I'm gonna vote for you.

No fooling?

Yeah, the way I figure,
what's wrong with having

a nothing for a
Junior Fire Chief?

Yeah. I'll vote for
you, too, Beaver.

It'd be good to have a guy
in we could shove around.

I'll vote for you, Beaver.
How about you, Rich?

Well, I kind of figured
on voting for myself.

Well, Beaver Cleaver,
I hear you're gonna run

for Junior Fire Chief.

Well, I might.

Well, you don't have a chance,

because all the girls
are voting for me.

So.

So.

Okay Beaver, I'll vote for you.

You might be a nothing,
but at least you're not a girl.

♪♪

Oh, hi, Mom.

Well, my goodness, Wally,

you're home
almost an hour early.

Well, I'm on the
junior dance committee

and we had a meeting.

Oh, did you accomplish anything?

Well, sure, I got out
of my last two classes.

I mean, did you
accomplish anything

towards getting an orchestra?

Well, not exactly.

Mary Ellen Rogers on
the decorating committee

said that we should
have Japanese lanterns.

Then Eddie Haskell said

that we should have
colored balloons.

Then they started
yelling at each other.

And then Eddie said, "Well,
why don't you step out in the alley

and we'll settle this."

Everybody broke up and
we never got to the orchestra.

Well, I hope Beaver's
having better luck

at his school with the election.

Oh, I don't know, Mom.

I don't think they'll make
him Junior Fire Chief.

He's too nice a kid to
get elected to anything.

Is being nice a handicap in
getting along in the world?

Sure Mom, didn't you know that?

♪♪

And now class, we're
going to pin the badge

on our honorary
Junior Fire Chief.

Thank you, Miss Landers.

Congratulations, Chief Cleaver.

And class, I think you've
made a fine choice.

I think that's enough
enthusiasm, Richard.

Yes, Miss Landers.

Now, Theodore, I'd
like you to pass out

these official manuals for
the junior fire department.

Yes, Miss Landers.

This book shows us
where to find fire hazards

in our home and
throughout our neighborhood.

What do we do when we find
a fire hazard, Miss Landers?

Beaver is also going to hand out

some of these citation slips.

Now when you find a
fire hazard in your home

or your neighborhood,
hand out one of these slips

calling attention
to the violation.

Miss Landers?

Yes, Gilbert.

Does this mean we get
to squeal on our parents?

I don't think that's quite
the right spirit, Gilbert.

Yes, Miss Landers.

Now, the class that
does the best job

during this fire
prevention campaign

will pay a visit to our
local fire department

and have its picture taken.

Miss Landers?

Yes, Whitey?

If we see a building burning,

are we supposed
to come and tell you,

or should we tell
the fire department?

Whitey, do you want me to
send a note home to your mother?

Oh, no thank you, Miss Landers.

Beaver, our class
is going to win

and get to see the fire
department, aren't we?

I don't know.

The eighth grade's got nine
more guys in it than we got.

Yeah, but five of
those guys are girls.

You know, Beaver,

I bet you could arrest a
grownup with that badge.

Well, sure he could.

He probably couldn't arrest 'em,

but he could yell at 'em,

and tell them to get
back away from buildings

and all that tough stuff.

Yeah.

Boy, Beaver, you're
gonna be a real big shot.

Yeah, I guess I am.

Hey Whitey, give me a few
of those citation slips, will ya?

Sure.

Gee thanks, Whitey.
You know something?

I'm really starting to
feel like a real fire chief.

You know, Beaver,
I'm glad you won,

even though I woulda
made a better fire chief.

You gonna play golf today?

No, there are some
things I really should do

around the house.

In other words, it
rained last night.

The course is
too wet to play on?

Exactly.

Hey, you know, I'm
quite proud of that Beaver,

getting himself elected
Junior Fire Chief.

Yes.

Wasn't he proud of
his badge last night?

Yeah. I didn't
think he'd make it.

I thought the job would go

to one of those
aggressive little characters.

Well, at least with Beaver,
we don't have to worry

about this going to his head.

Honey, you know,
Beaver's a little bit shy.

I think we should
encourage him and help him.

Oh, of course, I...

Hey Dad, you know, with the
dance coming up and everything,

I'm gonna need some extra money.

Is there anything I can
do around the house here?

Good morning, Mom.

Good morning, Wally.

Is there, huh, Dad?

Well, there are those
big logs out in back

that have to be sawed
up and put in the wood box.

Well, I, um, I didn't mean
any big money like that.

I just meant something
where I can make

maybe three or four bucks.

Well, I was going to
have the car washed.

I suppose that'd
be worth a dollar.

Yes, if you vacuumed
out the inside too.

Okay.

I guess that'll teach me
to open my mouth, huh?

Where's your brother?

Oh, he got up early this morning

and went up in the attic.

Oh, why would he go up there?

I don't know.

He used to go up
there and look for bugs.

Oh, hi, Beav.

Hi, Dad. There you are.

What's this?

Citations.

In the attic, you've got
papers too near the chimney,

and wires hanging
from the wall plug.

Oh, uh, yeah, well, Beaver,

I have been meaning
to fix that plug

and, uh, and those papers
are too close to the chimney.

Yes sir, Dad.

It's not that I'm mad at you.

It's just my job.

Well, Beaver, we're glad to see

you're taking
your job seriously.

Well, could I have
some toast, Mom?

Wally, would you
plug the toaster in

and make some toast?

Oh sure, Mom.

Uh-oh.

Look at that. That
plate's busted.

You need a new one, Mom.

Oh, yes, I know.

I've been meaning
to get a new one.

Well, that's a fire hazard.

You got a pencil, Dad?

No, but I think
there's one in the den.

I'll be right back.

Boy, you know something, Mom,

until he gets over
playing the big shot,

it's gonna be
murder around here.

Where'd the
newspapers come from?

Oh, don't you remember?

They were too close to
the chimney in the attic.

Oh, yes.

And, honey, I got a new plate

for the wall plug in the
kitchen at the market.

Would you put it on for me?

Sure.

I hope Beaver doesn't
get too self important

with this job.

Oh, I hope not too.

But, after all, if we do
have a couple of fire hazards

around the house, it's
up to us to correct them.

Where is Beaver?

Oh, he went out
a little while ago.

I guess he got tired of
playing fire chief for today.

Beaver, did you unplug
that while I was using it?

I sure did. You were
committing a violation.

How could I be
committing a violation

just washing Dad's car?

Your bare feet were
committing the violation.

You coulda stepped
in one of the puddles

and got electrocuted.

Look, if I want to
get electrocuted,

that's my own business.

It's a free country.

You're not gonna get
electrocuted around here

and make me look
like a crummy fire chief.

You know something, Beaver?

You were a much better
brother when you were a nothing.

What are you doing in here?

Oh, I'm replacing
the plug on this lamp

before the chief
jumps all over me.

By doing that, aren't you
denying him the pleasure

of handing you another citation?

Well, that's just
what I have in mind.

It doesn't do for a son to get
too much on his father, you know?

Back door?

I'll get it.

Oh, I better answer the phone.

Hmm?

Well, I'm closer to it.

Hello?

Yeah, this is Mr. Cleaver.

Oh, Mr. Thompson, you
moved into the old Baker house

down the street, yeah.

Oh.

Oh, I see.

Yes.

Well, you know how your kids are

when they get an
idea in their heads.

No, you don't.

Well, well, I'll
certainly speak to him.

Yes. Yes, thank you.

Good-bye.

Ward, Ward... June,
that was the man

who bought the old Baker
house down the street.

It seems Beaver
gave him a citation.

Oh, Ward, they just moved in.

What was it for?

For not having a spark
arrester on his outdoor barbecue.

He didn't come
right out and say so,

but he implied that we'd
sent Beaver over to snoop.

Oh.

Who was at the back door?

Oh, it was Chuckie's father.

Do you know that he was
burning leaves in his backyard

when Beaver and Gilbert came by?

They wanted to see
his burning permit.

And when he said
he didn't have one,

they got a pail of water
and put out his fire.

Beaver did that?

Yes, and Mr. Murdoch's
trying to be nice about it.

But honey, I think
he's really angry.

Sounds like the badge
on Beaver's chest

has gone to his
head, doesn't it?

Well, I suppose...
Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.

Well, hello there, Beaver.

Seems you've had a busy morning.

Oh, yes sir.

And right after
lunch, me and Gilbert

are going over to Filbert Street

and seeing how many
guys we can catch over there.

Oh, here you are, Dad.

What's this?

Oh, when you took the
papers out of the attic

and threw them
behind the garage,

you put them right
next to the incinerator.

Ward, now I think you're really
going to have to speak to him.

Well, I know it.

But how do you tell your son
not to be so conscientious?

Well, we ought to do something.

Well, I don't want to always
be the one telling him things.

No, I think this
time it's better

if he finds out he's being
too big a big shot on his own.

Yes, but I'm afraid by
the time he finds out,

nobody in Mayfield
will be speaking to us.

Where's the Beaver?

He had lunch early

and went off
someplace with Gilbert.

You know, he's acting
like a little wise guy

with those citations.

Well, I think Dad ought
to do something about it

before somebody clobbers him.

Well, Wally, your
father wants the Beaver

to find out for himself

that he's going about
this in the wrong way.

Well, I don't know.

I still think Dad
oughta handle it.

Well, that's a better way

than to have some
stranger clobber him.

Look Gus, I gave
out 15 citations

just since this morning.

Fifteen citations.

Yeah, and I yelled at 'em too.

And I told 'em
they'd better watch it

or they'd really get in trouble.

Now, that's a
funny thing, Beaver.

I've been a fireman all my life,

and it sounds like in two days,

you've yelled at more
people than I ever did.

Gee, Gus, didn't you have
any fun being a fireman?

Oh, I had my share of fun.

But my yelling times
wasn't my good times.

Well, what other fun is
there of being a fireman,

well, except yelling at people,

and maybe once in a
while rescuing some girls?

Well, now, Beaver, I wasn't
much at rescuing girls.

I made my fame
with cats and furniture.

Let me tell you something.

A good fireman doesn't
shove people around

or yell at 'em.

We try to educate them
in better safety habits.

Well, gee Gus, what's
the good of having a badge

if you can't tell people off?

Now, Beaver, that isn't the
purpose of having a badge.

Wearing a badge can be the
means of getting your respect.

But you can't get
respect from people

unless you treat 'em right.

Now, I've found that instead
of shoving people around,

if you're nice to 'em, they
listen to you a lot better.

Well, gee, Gus, from
what you've been telling me,

it sounds like I've been

kind of a crummy
fireman yelling at people.

Well, if you start
yelling at someone,

he's gonna start yelling back.

When you've got two
people yelling at each other,

there's nobody left to listen.

Yeah.

Boy, I never listen
when I'm getting yelled at.

I'm always too busy
thinking of what to say back.

Beaver, why don't you
stick around here a little while

and let me tell you
a little something

about what it means
to wear this badge.

Okay, Gus. I guess
nothing'll burn down

while we two
firemen are talking.

And Richard, how
about your report?

Yes, Miss Landers,
I found seven places

where people had
junk and stuff around

that could start a fire,

and I gave every one
of them a violation slip.

Oh, well, thank you.

Penny, may we have your report?

I was in a horse show
over the weekend,

and my mother said I had
too many things on my mind

to be a fireman,
so I'll do it tonight.

I'd appreciate that, Penny.

Um, Whitey?

I gave out eleven.

I see. And Gilbert,
how about your report?

I jumped on a whole
mess of grownups.

I even gave my
father six violations.

And now for our chief.

Theodore, as honorary
Junior Fire Chief,

I know you've been very
conscientious about your job.

Would you please
make your report?

I don't have any violations.

Not any?

Boy, what a crummy fire chief.

You don't have any
report to make, Beaver?

No, Miss Landers.

I did have a whole big
bunch, but I tore it up.

Did you have some
reason for doing that?

Uh, yes, Miss Landers.

Because if you're
a good fireman,

you don't go around
yelling at people.

You try to tell
them in a nice way

that they're doing dumb stuff,

well, so they won't get
themselves burned up.

And if you do tell them
in a nice way, well,

that they're doing dumb
stuff, well, they'll listen to you

and they won't think you're
being a wiseguy big shot

just on account
of you got a badge.

Well Theodore, I'd say
you've learned quite a lot

about being a fireman.

Oh yes, Miss Landers.

But I didn't learn
it all by myself.

My friend, Gus the fireman,
learned me most of it.

Well, I think we're all very
proud of what Gus taught you.

Aren't we, class?

Yes, Miss Landers.

I still think he was
a crummy fire chief.

Well I'll bet you were
the crummiest horse

in the horse show, too.

Nah.

All right, children,
that will be enough.

Now, let's take
out our notebooks

and copy down this
arithmetic assignment.

Wally, how'd you make out
with your orchestra for the dance?

Oh, we're hiring
a real good one.

But I thought you
only had 18 dollars?

Well, we used some of the money

from our drinking fountain fund.

Drinking fountain fund?

Yeah.

Yeah, next year, our class
was gonna present the school

with a drinking fountain in
memory of the class of '62.

Well, what are you
going to do instead?

Well, the committee
figures that we can get by

with giving the school
library a subscription

to National Geographic instead.

Beaver, how did
your class make out

with the fire
prevention campaign?

Did you win?

No, the eighth grade won.

They're always winning
stuff this time of year.

That's on account of
the school doesn't want

to have a stupid-looking
graduating class.

Well Beaver, one of these days,

you'll be in the eighth grade.

Yeah, I guess so, Dad.

But I sure will be
surprised when I get there.