Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963): Season 4, Episode 31 - Beaver's Rat - full transcript

Starring...

and...

Thanks a lot for the lift, Dad.

Yeah, hey, who was the girl

you were standing
with over on Elm Street?

Well, she was just a girl.

Yeah, well, I can
see she was a girl.

What were you
talking to her about?

I wasn't talking to her, Dad.

She was talking to me.

In other words, you wish I
hadn't brought the whole thing up.



Well, yeah, kind of, Dad.

You know how it is.

- Oh, Wally.
- Oh, hi, Mom.

Wally, if you see your
father when he comes in,

you tell him I
want to talk to him.

He just can't let this
go on any longer.

He has to talk to the Beaver

and put an end to it right away.

Gee, Mom, you don't
have to yell at me.

Dad's right in the den.

Oh.

Oh, here I am.

What is it I'm supposed
to put a stop to?

Well, I didn't know
you were in the den.



I'm kind of sneaky that way.

Beaver traded his new sweater

for a cheap little
magnifying glass.

You mean he got taken again?

Yes.

How many times have I told him

that every time
he gets in a trade,

he gets the worst of it?

Well, you better go
upstairs and tell him again.

And make sure he
gets that sweater back.

All right.

But, you know,
one of these days,

I'm gonna come home and
find that everything's all right,

both boys have been perfect,

and I'll know I'm
in the wrong house.

Beaver, what are you doing?

Looking at my fingerprint.

Hey, wouldn't it be neat

if a crook didn't
have any fingerprints?

Then the police
couldn't catch him.

It's against the law not
to have any fingerprints.

Hey, that's a hunk of junk.

What'd you trade for it?

Nothing much.

Hi, Dad. Hi, Dad.

Look at the neat
magnifying glass I got.

Yes, your mother tells me
you traded your new sweater

for that neat magnifying glass.

Boy, Beaver, what a chump.

All right, son, I want you
to get that sweater back

the first thing in the morning.

Gee, Dad.

That would make
me an Indian trader.

Well, then, you'll
just have to be one.

Yes, sir.

And, son, I don't want you

making any more of these trades.

Gee, Dad.

All the guys are all
the time trading stuff.

Well, but, Beaver, you get
the worst of it every single time.

Son, you've just got to
learn the value of things.

Sure, Beaver.

Doesn't it make
you feel like a dope

getting gypped all the time?

Gee, no.

Guys like me when
they can gyp me.

Well, I'll tell you
what, Beaver.

You make a resolution
right here and now

that you're not going
to be gypped again.

You've got to be a lot
smarter in these deals, son.

Yes, sir.

And, ah, you get
that sweater back.

Yes, sir.

Hey, Beav, what if this guy

won't give you
your sweater back?

Oh, he'll give it back.

I'm bigger than he is.

Well yeah, but he
got it away from you

so he must be
smarter than you are.

Yeah.

But for getting stuff back,

it's better to be
bigger than smarter.

Hi, Mom.

Hi, Beaver.

Got my sweater back.

Well, so I see.
That's fine, Beaver.

What's in the box?

Oh, this is another
trade I made.

Well, I hope you didn't get

the worst of the
bargain this time.

Oh, gee, no, Mom.

I only laid out 50 cents,
and I got a whole rat.

A what?

A rat, whose name is Peter Gunn,

and he's real friendly.

He'll climb all over you.

Oh, Beaver.

Is there something
the matter, Mom?

Well, I just don't like the
idea of your having a rat.

But, gee, Mom.

Well, Dad said I could
trade with the guys

if I got the best of it.

Well, I did get the best of it.

I never heard of a guy
who got a rat for 50 cents,

at least one that was alive.

Well, Beaver, you're
just going to have to talk

to your father about
this when he gets home.

But right now, would you please
get that rat out of my kitchen?

Gee, Mom.

He's not a sewer
rat or a garbage rat.

He's lived with
people all his life.

Well, hi.

You're just going to
have to go upstairs again

and talk to the Beaver.

What's the matter?

Didn't he get his sweater back?

Oh, he got his sweater back,

but he also brought
something else home.

A rat.

A what?

A black and white
rat in his shoe box.

He gave 50 cents
for it in a trade.

Well, that sounds
like quite a bargain.

You're as bad as he is.

Oh, dear. When I
was Beaver's age,

I had white mice,
a rabbit, a turtle.

Why, I even had a garter snake.

Ward, look, you lived on a farm.

Beaver can't keep
a rat in his room.

Honey, I'd feel a
whole lot better about it

if you could talk him
into getting rid of it.

All right. I'll see
what I can do.

Two children are enough
without adopting a rat.

Hey, that's a pretty good
rat you got for 50 cents.

Who'd you get him from?

Harry Henderson.

Well, his mother said

either he had to go,
or the rat had to go.

Harry didn't know where to
go, so he traded him to me.

Hi, Dad.

Hi, Dad. I got my sweater back,

and I made a real
neat trade for a rat

whose name is Peter Gunn.

Yeah, I heard
something about that.

Yeah, he doesn't bite,

or he doesn't act
mean or anything.

Oh.

I don't think he
knows he's a rat.

You want to see him, Dad?

Yeah.

Oh, well, that's a...

That's a very
fine-looking rat, Beaver.

But I have a feeling that your
mother would be a lot happier

if you traded him
for something else.

Gee, Dad, what's
Mom got against rats?

Oh, it's not just
your mother, Beaver.

It's, well, it's just that
women don't seem to have

as soft a spot in their
hearts for rats as we men do.

Well, sure, Beav.
You know how it is.

They don't like blood or dirt,
or any of those neat things.

I'll tell you what, Beaver.

You could do me a big favor.

Before you get too
attached to Peter, here,

why don't you trade him off
for something else you'd enjoy?

Okay, Dad.

But, gee, I don't know
anything I'd like as much as a rat.

Well, unless it'd be a skunk.

He's not making it
any better, is he, Dad?

Please, Beaver.

Well, okay, Dad.

I'll see what I
can trade him for.

Thanks a lot, Beav.

Oh, and Beaver, before you come
down to supper, wash your hands.

Well, gee, Dad.

I already washed them
when I came home.

Well, wash them again.

Okay, Dad.

Hey, Wally, how come Dad
wants me to wash my hands twice?

I don't know either.

Oh, but why go make
a big thing out of it?

Did you talk Beaver
into getting rid of that rat?

Yeah, he's gonna
try to trade him

for something else tomorrow.

Good. How'd you convince him?

Oh, I just told him that women
were full of strange quirks,

and it was up to
us to humor them.

Thanks a lot.

You got home
a little late today.

Yeah, I gave Fred
Rutherford a lift.

Oh, by the way, they want
us to come over Tuesday.

Bridge?

No. Fred has some
color movies of Lumpy

he took when he was a
baby that he wants us to see.

Oh, why does he always
pick on us for things like that?

I think because he knows we're
too polite to walk out on him.

Hi, Beav.

Hey, what are you
doing with Dad's tools?

Oh, I'm just putting the
heel back on my shoe.

It fell off on the way
home from school.

Hey, did you get
rid of Peter Gunn?

Yeah, I traded him
for three whole dollars.

Which one of the guys
was the big sucker?

Oh, it wasn't a guy.

I traded him to
Violet Rutherford.

You mean Lumpy's sister?

What would she want with a rat?

Well, she's not one
of those girly girls.

She can beat up three
of the guys in our class.

I don't know, Beav.

Selling a rat to a girl,

that sounds like a
lot of trouble to me.

Gee, what kind of
trouble could it be?

Well, I made a real neat trade.

Hey, you know something, Beav?

That might kind of
hurt when you wear it.

Ha, ha, ha.

You don't have to be so funny.

What are you doing now?

Well, I'm gonna bend them over.

Violet Rutherford, you
are not going to keep

that rat in this house,
and that is final.

But, Daddy, please, Daddy.

It won't do you
any good to scream.

It always has before, Daddy.

You stay out of this, Clarence.

But, Daddy, he's the
sweetest rat I ever knew.

Now, don't start
sentimentalizing that creature.

The house is no
place for rodents.

So you just take it out,
and lose it or something.

But, Daddy, I can't do that.

I paid three whole
dollars for him.

You what? Oh, that's ridiculous.

Yeah, you goofy kid.

If there's one thing
I can't stand, Daddy,

it's stupid people.

Clarence, will you
go do your homework

and let me finish this
discussion with Violet?

I don't have any homework.

Well, then, go watch television

or read your comic
books or something.

Yes, Daddy.

Now, Violet, Daddy
doesn't want to upset you

but it's ridiculous
to pay three dollars

for an animal like that.

But I wanted him so bad.

Well, you don't want
to go through life

having people take
advantage of you, do you?

I guess not.

Hmm. Well, then, you get
your money back tomorrow

from the little operator
that sold you that rat.

Gee, I'd be too
embarrassed, Daddy.

Beaver's one of my best friends.

Oh, you bought this
from Beaver Cleaver?

Well, then I'll take
care of the whole thing.

I'll get your money back
from the Cleaver boy.

Gee, Daddy, please
don't go over there

and make a big fuss with his
parents and make me look silly.

Well, now when
has your old father

ever made you look silly?

Gee, Daddy, lots of times.

Well, don't worry.

Mr. Cleaver is a very
good friend of mine.

I'll go over this evening

and handle the whole
thing very diplomatically.

All right.

But I'm gonna have
Mommy get something

for Peter Gunn to eat.

All right, dear.

Daddy, there's nothing
good on television,

and I can't find my comics.

Then go read a book.

Gee, you don't have
to be mean to me

just 'cause Violet got gypped.

Clarence...

Hey, Beaver, what are
you goofing off about?

Oh, I'm just thinking how
to spend my three dollars.

Well, don't you know of
anything you want to buy?

No.

And a guy just
can't let three dollars

lie around the
house getting dirty.

Hey, where did Violet Rutherford
get three dollars anyway?

Well, she's always got money.

Her parents give it to
her for brushing her teeth,

and taking baths, and
keeping quiet, and junk like that.

Hey, I know what I might buy.

What?

Gilbert's got an old
German war helmet

with a spike on the top.

What good is that?

Well, I could wear it
when I was playing football.

Boy, those guys would
really get out of my way.

Would you like to go
to the movies tonight?

Oh, I don't know.

There's nothing on
but historical epics

that cost $20 million
and run for four hours.

What about it?

Well, if I walk out
on one of those,

I'd feel I'm walking out on
the banks and my country.

Well, I guess we
could... I'll get it.

Oh, hello, Fred.

Evening, Ward.

Oh, come on in.

It's Fred Rutherford, dear.

Mrs. C.

Good evening, Fred.

I guess we'll be
seeing you on Tuesday.

That's right.

I've got some great
pictures of my big fellow

when he was a baby.

Fine, Fred.

Nice seeing you, June.

Ward, I'll just take a
minute of your time.

Well, come on in the den.

Ward, we've been
friends for a long time.

Yes.

Yes, we have.

Well, then I'm sure
you won't take offense

at a rather direct question.

No, not at all.

You don't want your
little Theodore to grow up

to be a gyp artist, do you?

- A gyp artist?
- Yes.

He pulled a rather sharp
deal on my youngest.

You mean Violet?

Yes. He sold her a
mangy old rat for $3.00.

Oh, so that's what he
did with Peter Gunn.

Now, Ward, you'd tell me

if one of mine pulled
a stunt like this.

Yes.

Well, I'll tell you, Fred.

I happen to know that he
only paid 50 cents for the rat

in the first place.

I certainly don't want him

taking advantage
of anyone like that.

I'll see that she gets her
money back tomorrow.

Good fellow.

Good night, Mrs. C.

Sorry to take the old
squire away from the hearth.

That's quite all right, Fred.

See you down at
the salt mines, Ward.

Good night, Fred.

What's the trouble, squire?

Well, it seems that Beaver sold
Peter Gunn to Violet Rutherford

for $3.00.

Well, that sounds
like a very good deal.

Yeah, it was too good a deal.

After all, Violet
is just a girl.

She can't be expected to
know the going price of rodents.

Well, honey, last
night, you told Beaver

that he was gonna
have to be a lot smarter

when he makes a deal.

Looks to me like you're gonna
have to reverse yourself a little.

Yeah, I guess I am.

Well, it won't be the first time

a father's had to
reverse himself.

I had a funny feeling.

About what?

Well, I sold a 50-cent rat

to Violet Rutherford
for three dollars,

and then tonight, her
father comes to see my dad.

Well, so?

So I got a funny feeling I'm
gonna lose my three dollars.

Yeah. Usually when parents
talk with other parents,

the kids end up
getting the business.

Hi, Dad.

Hi, Dad. Oh, hello, fellas.

Say, Beaver, there's something
I want to talk to you about.

You see... It's okay, Dad.

I'll give Violet back her $3.00.

Yeah, Dad.

He was all set to get clobbered.

Oh.

Well, Beaver, I know I told you

to be a lot smarter in
making these trades,

but you really kind of
went overboard here, son.

You know it's the right
thing to give the money back.

Yeah, I know it's
the right thing, Dad.

But it still hurts.

Gee, Dad, Violet was happy

to pay the $3.00 for the rat.

Yeah.

And Beaver was happy to
give his new sweater to Harry

for a 25-cent magnifying glass.

Yeah. How come, Dad?

Well, Beaver, you and
Violet are children still,

and you see something you want

and you don't stop to
think about the value of it.

You just plunge in
headfirst and try and get it.

You, you understand
what I'm driving at, son?

I guess so.

I got to give the
three dollars back.

Well, fine, Beaver.

You know, Wally, you think I'll ever
understand the stuff Dad tells us?

Well, sure you will.

But it won't do you any good.

How come?

Well, because by that time,

you'll have a whole
bunch of kids of your own

and they'll be just as
stupid as you are now.

Everything all settled?

Uh-huh.

Beaver's gonna give Violet
back her $3.00 tomorrow.

Oh, well, honey, even if you
did have to reverse yourself,

I'm certainly glad to hear
the end of this problem.

Hello there, Beaver.

Hi, Mom.

I gave Violet Rutherford
back her $3.00.

Oh, well, that's
just fine, Beaver.

What's that?

Well, Peter Gunn, Mom.

Look, he's grown a
whole quarter of an inch.

Beaver, why did
you bring him back?

Well, gee, Mom.

You wouldn't want me to give
Violet back her three dollars

and not get anything for it.

Dad would think I was
being a dope again.

Do you mean from now on,

you intend to keep Peter
Gunn here in the house?

What else can I do?

I've never heard of an
orphans' home for rats.

Well, all right, Beaver.

You can take him up to your room

until your father comes home.

But don't let him
out of that box.

You're not mad at
me, are you, Mom?

Of course not, Beaver.

That's good.

'Cause I like Peter Gunn,
but I like you a whole lot more.

Oh, Beaver.

I'll be seeing you, Mom.

You know, Wally, now
that Peter Gunn is back,

I might save up
and buy him a friend.

Well, how do you
know he wants a friend?

If you were a rat,
wouldn't you want a friend?

Yeah, I guess so.

There's probably nothing
worse than a lonely rat.

Hey, what's that junk?

Some of the diced carrots
Mom gave us for supper.

Hey, if I would have
known they were that good,

I wouldn't have hid
them under my potatoes.

Ward, I don't want to
hurt Beaver's feelings

but I'm just not going to
have that rat in the house.

Well, dear, why don't
we do with this problem

what we do down at the office,

just put it off for
a couple of days

and see if it doesn't go away.

But you just can't... Excuse me.

Oh, well, Fred.

Ward, I've got to
see you right away.

Who is it, Ward?

It's Fred, dear.

Good evening, Mrs. C.

Good evening, Fred.

Well, ah, come on in here.

Ward, I've got to
have that rat back.

The one that
Beaver sold to Violet?

Yes. Gwendolyn's formed
some sort of affection for it.

Your wife?

Now it's no laughing
matter, Ward.

For the two days that
Violet had it at our house,

Gwendolyn took care
of it, and fed it and,

well, I guess she and Peter Gunn

got to like each other.

Well, you know how it is.

Oh, of course, of course, Fred.

Well, sit down.

I'll get Beaver down here

and see if we can't
straighten this out.

Beaver, would you come
down here a minute?

Right away, Dad.

What's the matter, Ward?

Oh, ah, Gwendolyn fell
in love with Peter Gunn.

She blames me for making
Violet give it back to Beaver.

Dad?

Well, I wasn't doing anything.

Oh, hi, Mr. Rutherford.

Good evening, Theodore.

Beaver, Mr. Rutherford
has a problem.

Oh, yes, Mr. Rutherford?

Theodore, I wonder if you'd mind

letting your Uncle
Fred have the rat back.

Gee, I was kind of counting
on keeping him this time.

Well, I was even gonna
save up and buy him a friend.

I know just how you feel.

But I know someone who cares a
great deal more for him than you do.

Violet?

No, Beaver.

Mrs. Rutherford.

Oh?

Look, Beaver,
I'll tell you what.

Uncle Fred will give
you $5.00 for Peter Gunn.

5 whole dollars?

$5.00.

Uh-huh, Mr. Rutherford.

You can have him for 50 cents.

I'll go up and get him now.

Thank you, Theodore.

I'll bet you think I'm an
awful ninny, don't you, Ward?

Oh, no. Not at all.

You know, for years,

Gwendolyn's had great
affection for animals.

And I guess when Peter
Gunn looked up at her

with those big brown eyes,
it sort of melted her heart.

Hey, Beaver, what are you doing?

Well, I'm selling Peter
Gunn back to Mr. Rutherford

on account of
his wife likes him.

Well, yeah. But I
thought you liked him.

Well, I do. But I'm just a kid

and I can find plenty
of things to like.

But Mrs. Rutherford's
a grown up lady.

And she's got more
right to him than I do.

You want to say
good-bye to him, Wally?

Nah. That's corny.

I don't care if it is corny.

Well, I'm gonna
say good-bye to him.

Good-bye, Peter Gunn.

The Rutherfords aren't so bad.

But watch out for that Lumpy.

Well, hello, Beaver.

Did you want something, son?

No.

I just thought I'd come down
here and say good night.

We would have been coming
up soon to say good night.

Yeah.

But I figured I'd come down
here and say good night.

Well, good night, son.

Good night.

Good night.

Dad, can I ask you something,
and you won't get mad?

Well, of course not, Beaver.

How come Mr. Rutherford
wanted to pay a whole five dollars

for a 50-cent rat?

Well, Beaver, I guess he
wanted that rat so badly

he would have paid
almost any price to get it.

But you told me only kids
did goofy stuff like that.

Yeah.

Yeah, I guess I did, Beaver.

But after thinking it over,

I guess we never get
too old to do goofy stuff.

We just get old
enough to think we don't.

Yeah, I guess so.

Well, good night, Dad.

Good night, Mom.

Good night, Beaver.

Night.