Las Vegas (2003–2008): Season 4, Episode 13 - Pharaoh 'Nuff - full transcript

Good morning,
Mr. Cannon.

And a very good morning
to you, Mr. McCoy.

Muffin?
You brought me a muffin?

On a day this pleasant I thought
it fitting that we break bread together.

Uh, apple walnut?
Well, you know that's my sweet spot.

Hey!
Hey,

Starsky, Hutch, do you know
they blocked off the entrance

to the high-roller pit
for this stupid pharaoh thing?

Yes. We've relocated
the high-roller pit to

the east end of the casino.

However, if that's a problem,
we could



probably re-configure
the exhibit. Don't you think?

Absolutely, if that would
make things easier for you, Sam.

Would you like a muffin?

What the hell is going on?

Did you two guys finally have
some crazy tantric sex together?

Such hostility. I wonder where
she gets that anger?

Loneliness, a scarred little girl,
crying out to be loved. Come here.

You didn't read the memo,
did you, Sam?

Oh, okay, very funny.

She didn't read her memos.
That's a shame.

Mmm. Such a shame.
Good morning, everybody.

Oh, well!
What a beautiful day.

Doesn't it feel great
to be alive? It does.

Would you like a muffin?
No, I'm all set.



But thank you!
Are you sure?

I'm sure.
Mary?

What the hell is going on?
Did someone dose your Cheerios?

Didn't you read the memo, Sam?
She doesn't read memos.

Yeah.
She's too cool.

Okay. What memo?
I just read the memo, is it true?

What?
Oh, yeah, I'm, uh,

I'm taking your mom to Paris
for Valentine's Day.

I thought you hated France.
The French, not France.

Besides, it's your mother's
favorite city in the world

and I've been promising
to take her there for a while.

I don't understand why anybody
would want to leave Las Vegas, though.

This is an incredibly
romantic thing you're doing.

Yeah, you know.
Don't screw it up.

I'm not gonna screw it up.

It's just that I don't understand
why we can't go to Hawaii

Iike normal people.

Because Paris is the most
romantic city in the world.

Listen to me.
They don't know how to win wars.

They don't play golf. I have absolutely
nothing in common with these people.

(SPEAKlNG FRENCH)

And they talk like that.

Wait, Ed's going to Paris?
Why am I here? I could have slept in.

He's still here.
And, uh, when he leaves,

I'll be in charge.
So, if you miss work, you're done.

Okay?
I'm done?

Yeah, you're done.
Wouldn't that be funny,

if you actually had
the power to fire me?

Oh, I could fire you.
Oh, really?

Oh, yes.
Isn't that right, Mike?

You know I'm not very comfortable
with the way that was phrased.

I'd say we're co-in charge.

Fine. We're both in charge.
Therefore we can both fire Sam.

Oh, absolutely.
Yeah, yeah.

Why don't you go ahead and try it?
I would like to see that.

Oh, speak of the devil.

Speaking of the devil?
Yeah.

Thank you.
Hey, let me ask you a question.

Do these two idiots have
the power to fire me?

I don't know what...
Hold it, hold it. Excuse me.

Why would they
need to fire you?

Well, obviously

there would be no good reason
to fire me.

But I'm just asking, you know,
what the hierarchy is while you're away.

Hierarchy? Well, well, here's...
Here's how it goes.

Okay? You guys have a problem,
you call me.

I will fly home immediately
and take care of it.

I think we're gonna get along just fine.
Take care.

DANNY: Yeah, you guys go ahead
and have a great trip.

Thank you.
Yep.

Listen. Come on. I need you
two at the airport to sign for that,

uh, mummy thing when it
comes in personally. Okay?

Okay, cheers.
Bye-bye!

OSCAR: Good morning, Mrs.
Deline. Good morning.

Morning, sir.

MlKE: "Ramses ll,
known as Ramses the Great

"reigned over ancient Egypt
around 1300 BC."

Wow. It says

he's believed to have sired
over 100 children.

Oh, that's exhausting.
Yeah!

How pissed is the Luxor
they didn't get this exhibit?

This mummy
has never left Egypt.

This is his first stop on
a ten-city US tour. They're irate!

Oh!

Gentlemen, I am Michel Azoulay.
The curator for the...

Ramses exhibit.

Danny McCoy. Mike Cannon, heads of security
and surveillance at the Montecito.

Good. If you would
please come to inspect.

Yes... the mummy so we can, uh, sign off

on the insurance policy.

MlKE: Out of curiosity, how
much is something like this insured for?

Oh, it's a difficult situation
because obviously it's priceless.

Its value isn't monetary,
it's sacred.

But since the insurance companies
don't compensate for the divine,

the policy is
for $400 million.

Four hundred million?

Yes, that's right.

Holy...
Gentlemen, may I present

Ramses the Great.

Ah, looks like Ramses to me.

Yeah. He's definitely aged a bit.

DELlNDA: Hey, let's go play hooky.
SAM: Can't.

Don't be a wimp. We'll go get massages,
order a bottle of champagne, wax.

Live like human beings.
I'd love to but I can't.

I have a whale coming in.

So? Let one of your flunkies
take care of him.

Don't you have any power around here?

Unfortunately, even I can't subject someone
to the tortures of Harris Lipsky.

Who?

Harris Lipsky.
Big, disgusting hairy pig of a man

although he did make a fortune
in construction.

He could easily blow
two million this weekend.

I just hope I don't have
to watch the man eat.

Uh, guys,
we have a major problem.

What?
He's back.

Who?
Who?

David Wohl, notorious room thief.
Last time he was here, he took like...

Like a dozen towels and robes.

He even took the alarm clock
and a painting off the wall.

Wow.
Wow.

He must be in the black book.

Yeah, tell Tweedle
Dee and Tweedle Dum. Yeah.

You don't think
I should call Ed, do you?

No.
No.

Let's go. On three.
One, two, three!

That's pretty light.

The dude hasn't eaten
in 3,000 years.

Uh, you think this qualifies
as an emergency?

All right, get me Ed.

Ed, I have no idea. Mike's
on the phone with the airport right now

to see if we can
get access to their cameras.

Okay, got it.

Okay, we need a flight plan
of every private plane

that has left
since the robbery.

Okay? We want to see
if it's still in Vegas.

Got it.

Look, tell them.
They've got me on hold!

You did this on purpose,
didn't you?

What? Staged a robbery,
so I wouldn't have to fly to France?

I wouldn't put it past you.

Well, I wouldn't put it past me either.
But it just so happens I didn't.

Oscar, uh, back to Vegas, huh?
OSCAR: Yes, sir.

Happy Valentines day to me!

We have temporary access to
some of the airport cameras. Here we go.

Hey, there's the crate.
Punch in.

Can you get any closer,
Marcus?

Look this is as close
as we can get.

I'm sorry if it's not up
to par with your fancy equipment.

Enough. Mitch?
Got it.

DANNY: Okay.

Okay, there's the switch.

They got any other angles?
You got any other angles?

No. We're just one of the
busiest airports in the world,

with about a tenth of
your surveillance budget.

Do you want a job
or something, Marcus?

Why, are you hiring?
Punch in on the handler.

See if you can lQ him.

Nothing.
What about that little name tag?

Gravy Jones? Nice name.
That's not Gravy Jones. I know him.

Of course. You know where
we can find him?

Yes, I do. Let's go.
Thank you, Marcus.

Guys? Hello?

So, where do I send that resume?

GRAVY: Could I get a
cocktail or something?

Sure.
A waitress will be right by.

So, what do you know about
a robbery at the airport today?

Man, who's this fool?

Gravy, you can either talk to us,
or you can talk to the cops.

But this will be your third strike.
Come on, man!

Someone stole my uniform.
Check with airport security.

I called it in.
You got nothing.

Okay. Well,
then I'm gonna have to call your PO,

tell him about the situation, let him
bring you in for questioning. Maybe a...

I don't know, maybe a drug test.
Come on, Danny.

I've known you since
the third grade.

You wouldn't do that to me.
Of course not.

But this fool would.

Man. Look,

all I know is somebody gave
me two grand to call in sick today

and borrow my shirt.

I heard them mention a job for
some rich Arab dude down at the Palms.

Now, they say he's like a
President or something so they said

I couldn't get in no trouble.

A president? Of what?
I don't know.

He's got a limo with
those fancy flags on them.

Where that waitress at?

HARRlS: Hey, sweetie.
Yeah, you.

How about you give these
a blow for good luck.

You know what?
I'll sweeten the deal.

Give these a blow and
a peck on the cheek, 500 bucks.

Okay.

Okay.

The American way, Sam!

I'm sure the founding fathers
would be very proud.

All right, here we go.
Here we go!

Winner!
Yes! Yes!

I knew you were good luck.
How about a little shot on the cheek?

How about another
500 bucks?

Come on, what are you,
hustling me?

No. We're college students.

Want another 500?

You have to kiss her,
with tongue.

Uh...
All right, all right.

What? We're just having
a little fun here.

Look, if you want women
to perform for you,

we can set something up back
in the privacy of your own suite.

I don't want hookers.
Any bozo can get hookers.

What do you want?

I want people to do what they
normally wouldn't do.

That's how I get my thrills.

Two grand. Start making out.

Yes! What a country.

What do we know?

Ah! There is a Levon Najar,
Lebanese Ambassador. That could be him.

Where is he?
The Palms.

He has the entire
penthouse floor.

Michel, why would
anyone steal a mummy?

I mean, I don't imagine there's much of
a black market for 3,000-year-old pharaohs.

No, no, no.

it's not a question of money.

What is now Lebanon
was then part of Egypt

and there are still those who
believe they are the rightful

owners of the tomb.

Cool. We got a Raiders
of the Lost Ark kind of feel.

We'll find it.
Don't worry.

Hey, guys.
BOTH: Yes?

Hello.
We have a major situation.

Yeah, we know.
Yeah, what are you gonna do about it?

We're working on it.

Well, David Wohl just checked
into his room and he's probably

cleaning us out as we speak.

Who?
David Wohl! Room thief.

Comes in twice a year,
takes a bunch of stuff from the room.

We charge his credit card,
he disputes the charges.

Well, not this time.
This time, I say

we set up a sting operation. Yeah,
why don't you take the lead on that one.

You should keep an eye
on him for us.

I'm not on
the surveillance team. So...

Well, we'll,
uh, we'll deputize you. Hey!

Really?
Yeah.

Okay. So, is there a ceremony
or something?

Uh, yeah.

Uh, we pronounce
you deputized.

Oh!
There you go.

That's it?
You guys, Ed's back.

All right, good. Good luck.
Okay, yeah.

Deputy!

Uh...

What do we know?
What do we know?

They switched boxes at the airport.
They must have had

a bunch of guys in
there working on the inside.

Good news is we still think
it's in Las Vegas.

Only two private planes
have left in the last few hours.

Yours and Steve Wynn's.
Doubt if he took it.

Especially after he put
his elbow through that

$148-million painting.

Hmm. Well,

I mean, uh,

if Steve Wynn hasn't got it,
who does?

Well, we believe there's
an Armenian ambassador...

Lebanese. Lebanese ambassador.
Yeah, whatever.

Uh, Levon Najar...
Najar.

Oh, come on.
He's holed up in the penthouse over

at the Palms right now.
Tons of security.

Honey, uh, get me George
Maloof at the Palms please.

Oh, and before the robbery,
I signed an insurance policy,

$40-million deductible.

Great. ASSISTANT: Mr.
Deline, Mr. Maloof is on line one.

Hey, George.
Bonjour, Ed. How's Paris?

Uh, didn't get there yet.

How the hell did he know
that I was going to Paris?

We have a situation here
buddy. Um,

it seems that, uh, one of your
guests has something that belongs to us.

Well you know I'd love to
help the Montecito any way I can.

What did you lose?
Uh. Can't get into that.

Whose got it?
Well, uh,

we have reason to believe
that the, um,

Lebanese ambassador staying
in your penthouse is behind this.

Sorry, Ed, my hands are tied.

Mister Najar has
diplomatic immunity

and has asked for complete privacy.
Thanks, buddy. Uh,

I'll remember that.
Okay, Ed. We'll see you.

Should we call the cops?

Nah, the guy's got diplomatic immunity.
Can't touch him.

Well, if he took the thing,
he's obviously a thief.

So what do you want to do?

I guess there's only
one thing we can do.

We're going to steal it
back, boys.

Might I be the first to point
out the illegality of all this?

You don't want to do it,
don't do it.

I didn't say
I don't want to do it.

I'm simply stating my aversion
to small, confined spaces

for ten to
twenty years.

Listen, there is no one
going to jail, okay?

All we're doing is simply reclaiming
something that belongs to us.

Now, are you in or out?
I'm in.

Mike?
One condition

we go to jail,
I get the top bunk.

Nah. You know,

we go to jail, neither one of you pretty
boys is gonna have to worry about it.

You won't be getting
too much sleep anyway.

ED: Know what I mean?

Well! Here we are,
Mr. Wohl.

Your room comes supplied with

four bath towels,
three hand towels and one bath mat.

Thank you.

Also sheets,
a Bose stereo, and uh,

this is your vase.

Quite lovely,
believe it's a Godinger.

It's very nice, Miss Connell.
It is, isn't it?

And l, uh, should warn you
that our mini-bar has automatic

sensors that will trigger
if you remove anything.

But I'm sure that you
know that already.

Yes, thank you.
Anything else?

Yeah, I have to go
to the bathroom.

Yes, Miss Mary?
Hey! Listen, um,

I'm working special ops
for the boys upstairs.

And I can't get into
specifics, but

Mr. Wohl is
under investigation.

He is a criminal?
Oh, he's a very dangerous man.

So, if he asks for anything

extra for his room,
I mean, towels, robes, anything at all,

you let me know.

Okay, Se?ora.

Okay.
And Gudelia? Be careful.

I'll need access to the Palms' main
grid. Not an overrun, just a transport.

Thank you, sweetie.
I owe you one.

Okay, okay fine,
I'll owe you two.

Okay, thank you. Bye, bye.

Who was that?
Just an old friend.

Hmm. You look guilty, McCoy.

What's going on?
Nothing. Just business as usual.

Oh.
You know?

Doesn't have anything to do
with the mummy being stolen?

Who told you about that?

My mom called hysterical. She's convinced
my father staged the whole thing.

She thinks he's brighter than he is.
Oh, love is blind.

Mmm. I want in.
What?

You guys are going to steal it back,
and I want to help.

You can't help.
Why not?

Because it's dangerous, okay?

And it's illegal
and contrary to your

imagination,
this is not going to be fun.

This is serious business, so just...
How cool is this disguise?

I am so in!

Mmm!

Mmm!

Mmm!

Harris,

we could get you another steak
if you're still hungry.

Closer to the bone,
tender is the meat, baby!

Uh, yeah!

Mmm!

Love that marrow.
Sure.

That's where all
the good cholesterol is.

You and me,
we're just alike, Sam.

Clearly.

We both exploit
the depravity of man.

Or woman.
Hmm, I don't exploit people.

I make sure their needs are met
and when they're in my care

they have the best experience possible.
Yeah. Whatever.

You see what money does to people,
is the point I'm making.

Mmm-hmm.
Ideals? Principles?

For a few of these,
I can get them to do anything I want.

Oh, come on, Harris.
Not everyone can be bought.

Sure they can.
Mmm-mmm.

Everyone has a price, Sam.
Even you.

Oh, even me?

I think that grizzle has gotten
to your head. You can be bought.

It wouldn't be very hard.

Look, Harris.
You don't know me.

I was married to
a billionaire.

I left him.
I didn't take a penny.

Money means nothing to me
if I didn't earn it.

Really?
Really.

I'll give you a million
dollars to sleep with me.

What?
You heard me.

A million cash.

You're serious?

Excuse me.
I gotta go make a little withdrawal.

I'll see you in my room in 20 minutes.
I'd better go floss.

MlKE: The Palms has forty floors.
Najar is staying in the penthouse.

He's got two armed guards
outside at all times.

ED: What about roof access
here?

Uh, no. There's no way
we can get in there.

There's cameras
all over the place.

No, not us. Him.
I mean, what if he tries to, you know,

chopper it out from the roof?

Oh, I can see if he's prearranged
something. That would be good.

Now, if he decides to drive it
to the airport, how does he get there?

Well, most likely, he'd load
an armored truck from the back.

Yeah. If I were him
I'd stay off the Strip.

Probably take the back road up from the
loading dock, down to, uh, East Harmon.

East Harmon.
Then East Harmon over to Paradise,

then Paradise straight
to the airport.

Oh, by the time he's at the airport,
it's too late.

You got anything special on this guy?
Uh, not really.

Levon Najar was appointed
Lebanese Ambassador in 2001.

He's the son
of a rich importer.

Spent some time at Kennedy
School of Government at Harvard.

He's pretty clean.
You know, he likes his gambling, his,

uh, imported smokes
and his blondes.

Nice.
DELlNDA: What do you think?

What the hell is that?
It's my maid's costume.

Ed: Cover yourself,
for God's sakes! I mean,

put some clothes on!
But.

You're supposed to be a housekeeper,
not a Playboy bunny.

Yeah, Delinda.
Totally inappropriate.

You're gonna have to go change. Come on.

Keep this for Valentine's Day.

Okay.
Ouch!

I'm sorry. This is an RPT- 35
microphone.

I can't believe Ed is letting you do this.
I don't think this is a very good idea.

Don't be such a wuss, McCoy.

And this is
a tiny wireless camera.

Now, I put an adhesive on the
back so you can stick it anywhere.

Once you get inside,
plant it somewhere high

so we can see the
entire room.

Also, try and get it near
a window it's better reception.

Okay. What if they frisk me?
You palm it. Here.

Okay, open your hand and
hold it between your fingers,

Iike that. So, if they do frisk you, they're
probably not going to check your hands, okay?

Chances are they'll be more
focused on other body parts.

Sorry.

So, you ready?

You know what you're going to do?
Yeah, I'm ready.

All right. Be careful.

Always.

SAM: Ellen!
Yes, honey?

Hi. Did Harris Lipsky make
any sort of, uh, withdrawal?

Yeah. I gave him a mill.
But I ordered more from the vault

so don't worry. We're covered.
Whatever.

Sam, are you all right?
You look sick.

Sam?

A mummy was stolen!
Do I have any control of that?

There is always something stolen, Ed!
If it's not this, it's money,

it's jewelry, it's a ham sandwich!
It is my job, Jillian!

Yes. And you're very good at your job.

Better than any other part of your life.
Oh, I get it.

So now I've been a crappy
husband for thirty years

because I blew
one trip to Paris? Is that it?

No. I didn't mean it like that.
Well, you said it like that.

You're a wonderful husband.
You're a wonderful father. I'm just

saying it's time to slow down.

I don't want to slow down.
What else can you achieve?

We moved here to Las Vegas

so you could start a second
career and you have built an empire.

Mission accomplished.

It's time to reap the fruits
of your labor.

Honey, listen to this.

I don't want to hurt your feelings, but going
to Paris is not reaping any fruits.

Okay? It's torture.
Fine! We'll go somewhere else, okay?

We'll just go somewhere else
while we're young!

I hate to break this to you,
but we're not babies anymore.

I don't feel like that.
I know.

I feel just as young
as I've ever felt. I know.

I know you do.
But you're not.

Well, thank you very much.

Honey, this is an important moment.
I don't...

I don't want to live in
Las Vegas for the rest of my life.

I want to see the world.

What do want out of the rest
of your life? And answer honestly.

Honestly?
Yes.

I very much,
uh, would like to be a scratch golfer.

(GROANS)

What?

Listen, see, you asked me
to be honest and this is what I get!

I don't... Why do I even ask?
Well, why? You asked me to be honest.

BARTENDER: Another one?
Yeah. Hit me.

Keep 'em coming.

Does anyone have
a horse tranquilizer?

No?

MARY: Pastry?
Uh, yeah. Sure. Thanks.

There you go.
Hey, you know what?

Knock yourself out. Take two.
Thanks.

Hey, Mitch?
Yes?

Cream-filled donut?
Uh, sure. Thanks, Mary.

Stake out, right.
You gotta eat! I guess so.

So, uh, what have we
got cooking?

Uh, he ordered a bunch of towels
and robes earlier, nothing since then.

Can't we get in there?
There's no cameras in the rooms.

Might be a small invasion
of privacy. Right.

Surveillance, huh?
Yeah.

Pretty boring, huh?
Oh, yeah.

No, what are you doing?
Surveilling?

Oh, Mary!

(GROANlNG) I shouldn't have
done this.

MAN: I'll pat you down.
Pat you down.

Why is this all
black and white?

Lower lux sensitivity.
Better for enhancing on high frequency.

Really?
Or, I could do this.

Nerd.
Jealous?

Watch it, buddy.

Thanks, sweetie.

(MEN CHATTERlNG)

She'll be fine.

Hey, come in.

Why don't you pour us a drink?
The champagne's on ice.

Actually, Harris. I, uh,

I came to tell you that
I'm not interested.

What do I do with that?

If that's not an aphrodisiac,
I don't know what is.

It's not gonna happen.
No one will ever know.

I'll know.

For a million dollars
you can get counseling.

What the hell is wrong
with you?

Is this the only way you can get off?
Buying people's integrity?

You are the most disgusting
pig I've ever met.

Believe me, that's saying a lot.
Two million.

Two million dollars, no taxes,
and no one will ever know.

And I gotta tell you,
I'm not that good.

It'll be over in less than five minutes.
It's a no-brainer, Sam.

Go get it.

What's wrong?
Uh, the signal's weak. Gimme a sec.

Well, hurry up and get it back!
I told her to put it near a window.

Here we go.

Okay, what's this right here?
Zoom in.

MlKE: We better tell Ed.

Wow. Wow!

What is such a pretty girl
doing as a maid?

A girl needs to pay the bills.

You have quite
an expensive manicure.

And you have very,
very soft hair.

Must have very high bills.
Yeah.

What are you doing here?
I told you. My job.

Who sent you?
Housekeeping.

Look!

DANNY: Oh!
Look! Are you scared? Hmm?

Because you should be.

You know that I can do
anything I want to you,

and there's no one
to stop me? So,

Iet me ask you again.
What are you doing here?

Okay, okay!

I'm not a maid.
Of course. Who are you?

Look, I heard you guys
had a lot of dough up here.

I told you, a girl's
gotta pay the bills.

Anyone interested?

Let's try to go pay
some of those bills.

DANNY: Oh, my God!
Shall we?

DANNY: Whoa!
LEVON: I'll be a few minutes.

Oh, my God!

Do something!

MlKE: We don't have a camera in there.
Quiet! Quiet! Quiet!

LEVON: Take off your clothes.

All right, that's it!
I'm going in there! Wait! Wait!

DELINDA: Why hurry, sugar?
Let's talk price.

LEVON: You will be well
compensated. Now undress.

All right, that's it.
I'll see you!

I doubt that, uh, you have
come here for sex, but

since you are here...

Whoa, whoa, what's the rush?

How... How about a drink?

I don't drink.

Um, can I use your phone?
I, uh...

Sorry.
...need to talk to my...

Sorry. Sorry!
Get final approval.

Don't worry,
no one can hear you and

even if they could

I doubt they would do anything.

It's Vegas, baby.

Got it, fire alarm.

LEVON: Grab her!

(MEN SHOUTlNG)

The mummy!

Forget the girl!

Get over here and move this!

Danny, she's out.

Two million.

For five minutes work.
Beautiful.

But he's a pig.
So? I like bacon.

I'd send you up if I could.
What's the worst that could happen?

He could fall asleep
and smother me.

Well, keep your cell phone in one hand.
Call me and I'll bring up the Jaws of Life.

It's 400 grand a minute, $666 a second.

666.
Perfect.

What the hell is wrong
with you?

How come you're not up there
right now getting this over with?

I'm not drunk enough yet. Did you
know that Robert Redford only offered

that girl a million dollars
in the movie?

Although he is Robert Redford.

Yeah, and every girl
would have done him for free.

And how many times
have you slept with

guy that afterwards
you've realized he's a pig?

Here, you got the whole thing right
in front of you. Where's the dilemma?

You do this all the time, right?
Yeah. In a perfect world,

several times a day.
So, it's no big deal.

What's your day job?

I'm the number one casino host
in Las Vegas.

So, you screw guys
out of money all day long.

Are you saying that you don't think
there's any difference between you and me?

There's a big difference.

With your guys, see,
the casino gets all the cash.

But I pick my clients,

and I keep everything.

Nice.

Yeah, but what if I never
feel the same way about money again?

I mean, what if, for the rest of my
life every time l look at a dollar bill,

all I can think of is
some fat,

sweaty, pumping pile

of pork looming over me.

Get a debit card.

Works for me.
Whore.

(FlRE ALARM RlNGlNG)

LEVON: Get this!
Hey, help me! Hey!

Danny, where are you?

Danny?

Uh-oh.

Sam,

where'd you go?
I got the money!

I'm not doing it, Harris.

You know what the problem is with selling
your dignity? You can't buy it back.

Come on.
No, no, no.

Don't touch me.
Look, I'm sorry.

Do you think anyone
could ever love me?

What are you talking about?
Seriously.

If I wasn't loaded,
you think I'd ever get laid?

Uh, no, I don't.
Exactly.

So, I buy people.
I buy them before they can reject me.

What else could I do?
You could try being yourself.

No, actually that...
That's not going to work.

You could try

pretending to be someone else.

Say, like you could go
up to a girl

and you could pretend to be,
you know, a decent guy for a goof.

And if she rejected you,
it wouldn't matter, right?

Because you're not really being
yourself anyway! Who should I be?

I'm gonna say almost anyone

is an improvement at this point.
I will. I'll try that.

Good.
Thanks, Sam.

Okay.

Uh, and Harris? Button up.

ED: Honey, it's almost
morning now.

Why don't you go home
and get some sleep?

I don't want to go home.
I want to go to Paris.

Listen, I promise you

this very night,
you will sleep in Paris.

You have my word.

(CELL PHONE RlNGlNG)
Oops.

Yeah? What?

He found the camera.
The package is moving.

All right, got it.

I... I gotta go.
I'm going with you.

Look, um, this is not fun and games.
It's my job.

No, I'm going with you.

You know, as a matter of fact,
this particular part of my job

could be, uh, fun.
So, okay. Come on.

Really?
Yeah. Just hurry up.

Put on your shoes before I
realize what a stupid idea this is.

Sure.
Let's go!

How we doing today?
Just open the back.

Oh, sure.

So, uh, we headed to the airport?

You ride with him.
Sorry, company policy is only

employees can ride in the truck.
Of course.

Put the gun to his head.

Welcome aboard, my man. Ready.

Hey, hey! Careful! Careful!

It's a bumpy ride.

Maybe you should keep
the safety on.

Drive.
Okay.

Okay.

Hello.

Okay. Got it, Ed.

Yeah, I'm tracking
the truck right now.

Done.

Sorry, red light.

JlLLlAN: Are you blind?

What the hell are you doing, lady!
Watch where you're going!

What are you trying
to do, kill me?

The truck has stopped.
Positions ready.

Go!
What?

Drive!
Where? It's a red light.

Drive or I will shoot you
in the head.

Driving!

Hey!

The package is moving!
Repeat, the package is moving!

That's him! That's him!
He's leaving. Do something.

Who?
David Wohl!

Arrest him.
We don't arrest people. We detain them.

Detain him then!

We can't.
We don't know if he took anything.

Okay, let's go quickly!

LEVON: Hurry! Open the back.
Yes, sir.

Hey you guys got something
illegal in here? Shoot him.

I'm opening it.
I'm opening it.

Get it on the plane.
Very carefully!

Go, carefully!

Wait! Hold it right there.
Just stop him right there.

Hold up your hands!
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

My name is Levon Najar.
I have diplomatic immunity,

subject to articles 29 and 31
of the Vienna Convention.

Have a nice flight,
Mr. Najar.

Whoa! Whoa! Wait!
What, that's it?

This guy just stole a
3,000-year-old mummy.

You're gonna let him
go like that?

There's nothing I can do about it, Mr.
Deline. Sorry.

All right, guys, they're free
to go. Stand down.

Let's go, let's go. Come on.

Ed, I'm sorry, man.

I could have stalled him if you wanted.
Called it in or something.

Charlie, you did just perfect.

Trust me, perfect.

How was l?

You were great, honey.
Did it work?

Yeah.

We have to get the hell out of here,
very fast.

Safeline Armored Car Services, how may
I provide you with excellent service?

I need a car.

Your truck will be waiting
for you in the loading dock, Mr. Najar.

Go!
What?

Drive!
Where? It's a red light.

Drive or I will shoot you
in the head.

Driving!

Where's Danny?

Yeah, get him out of there!
Got it.

Well, France?

France.

(SPEAKlNG FRENCH)

Yeah, yeah, yeah!
DANNY: Let me out!

Push up.

You okay?

The batteries went dead.

And where the hell did you
learn how to drive?

Me? I had a gun to my head!

All the more reason to learn
how to drive more carefully!

Fine, next time,
I'll take the back.

You can have the gun
to your head.

Now, you can go ahead and take
the wig off there, Shaft.

That's the best you could
come up with?

What about Barry Sanders,
maybe? Todd Bridges?

You know, I still don't
see you taking it off.

Bryant Gumbel!

That's better. That's better.

MARY: Gudelia, I told you
to call me if Mr. Wohl took anything.

Did he? I haven't cleaned
his room yet. Sorry.

Pull up the footage from outside Mr.
Wohl's room this morning.

Okay, now triangulate
the signal.

What's that?

Find out where she
dumped the sheets. Okay.

Where do they come out?

Zoom in there.

Gudelia?

They wait all year for him
to come back.

Thanks for dinner.

Don't worry about it.
Am I gonna see you again?

Yes.
Okay. You take care.

Bye.
Bye.

Hey, Sam!
Thanks for your advice.

Cute girl.
Yeah.

How much?
Ten grand.

Ten grand?

I told you he was good for a million.
I think ten grand's a lot.

You want your cut?

Yes.

I mean, ten grand.
That's unbelievable!

See, honey.
How could I leave all that behind?

I wanted it to be so realistic. I...I
gotta tell you my heart was pounding!

Feel like slowing down?
Not even a little bit.

And I did tell you we were
sleeping in Paris tonight.

You are a man of your word.
That I am.

We just have to make
just one little stop.

Cairo!
But then, right on to Paris.

Right on to Paris.

I promise.

Happy Valentine's,
sweetie.

Happy Valentine's Day.