Laguna Beach: The Real Orange County (2004–2006): Season 1, Episode 8 - Grin and Bear It - full transcript

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[Lo] I am so freakin' mad
I'm not going to Catalina.

So, what did your dad say to you? Just no?

[Lo] Well, I called him at work,

and I was like, "Daddy?" [chuckles]
He was like, "Yes?"

And he was like, "Well, are
there any parents gonna go?"

-"Well, no." [chuckles]
-[chuckles]

[Lo] And he's like,
"Well, who's going?" And I told him.

And he was like, "Oh, so boys
are gonna spend the night, too?"

-And I was like "Yeah."
-[Lauren] Just Dieter,

-Trey, and Stephen.
-I know,

but he was just like,
"You know what, Lo, like,



I just really don't feel
comfortable with you going

if there's gonna be no parents there."

Then I argued with him,
and it didn't work.

I can't believe you're not coming.
You were, like, my supporter.

I was like, "Lo can't camp
as much as I can't camp."

I know, we were gonna be
the lame campers together. [laughs]

-We're like, "Ah, a bug! Get it out!"
-[both chuckle]

["Come Clean" playing]

♪ 'Cause perfect ♪

♪ Didn't feel so perfect ♪

♪ Trying to fit a square
Into a circle was no life ♪

♪ I defy ♪

♪ Let the rain fall down
And wake my dreams ♪

♪ Let it wash away my sanity ♪



♪ 'Cause I wanna feel the thunder
I want to scream ♪

♪ Let the rain fall down ♪

♪ I'm coming clean ♪

♪ I'm coming clean ♪

["Come Clean" concludes]

[Kristin] So, are you
excited for Catalina?

-Mm-hmm.
-I cannot wait.

-I'm really excited.
-I'm excited to go camping.

So, who's going?

-Stephen.
-Trey. Dieter and Jessica are going.

Lauren and Morgan.

-Not Christina?
-She can't go.

Why?

[Kristin] She has to sing
at the Crystal Cathedral.

Do you know anything
about her dad's church?

No, I just know that she's,
like, the reverend's daughter.

-It's the one on TV.
-What? What--

Yeah, but they have a picture with, uh…

What president was it? It was…

Some president went to it or something.
Maybe it was Arnold Schwarzenegger.

-I don't know what I'm talking about.
-[laughs]

I guess, like,
Mother Teresa has been there

-and like, all these gnarly people.
-Mother Teresa?

-I don't know. It's just huge, I guess.
-[Alex] That'd be kind of scary

-to sing in, like, a huge church.
-Yeah, for like two million people

-on television and stuff. That's gnarly.
-Gnarly. Yeah.

-Oh, look how good that looks. [chuckles]
-[Alex chuckles]

[Christina] My throat was kinda scratchy,
and there's one part where

it's like you have to hit
all these high notes. It's hard, okay?

Well, you only have
a few days to rehearse,

I'm gonna be a mom here,
before Christina has to sing.

-I know.
-[Donna] So,

I'm just hoping that
maybe you'll work together.

[Angie] Do you know
the song on piano already?

No, I haven't gone over it really.

I need to take about
an hour myself and go over it.

It's not-- I don't think
it'll be hard to play.

-[Bobby] No, it's not really…
-[Angie] If you heard it a couple times,

you could just play it by ear.

We tried it once,
and we kind of screwed it up.

Bobby, I didn't screw up.
You screwed up.

-We ready for the books?
-[Christina] No!

-[Reverend Schuller] Yes, absolutely.
-[Angie] Read the Bible scripture…

-[Donna] Every night, you know.
-I think I have to go.

-[Donna laughs] No.
-[laughs]

♪ My clothes, my jewels look… ♪

♪ I done came up and I ain't changed ♪

♪ And you should love it
Way more than you hate it ♪

♪ I thought that
You'd be happy I made it ♪

♪ I'm that cat by the bar ♪

♪ Toasting to the good life ♪

[waves crashing]

[scoffts] Did you see that guy? [chuckles]

-Oh, he just get beat?
-[chuckles] Yeah.

Camping is gonna be fun.

That's why I'm amped
to go this weekend. I'm stoked.

We haven't gone camping in so long,
just like, chill in a tent for the night.

We got our own little yacht,
so that's gonna be perfect.

-[Dieter] A yacht?
-I heard it was 100 feet or something.

I've never been on a yacht.

[Stephen] You never been
on Christina's boat?

-Uh-uh. She has a boat?
-Yeah, that was sick.

That's what we used
to always go to Catalina on,

when we used to just pitch out at Avalon.

What are we gonna do for dinner?
I think we should let the chicks cook.

-Hot dogs and hamburgers.
-We'll get all faded and let them cook.

I don't want to get food poisoning, dude.

[Dieter] Dude, let 'em cook hamburgers.

I'm gonna get to the middle of my hot dog,

and it's gonna be freezing cold,
and my meat's just gonna be red.

-All right, well, you want to go?
-Yeah. 7:00 a.m.?

-[Stephen] Yeah, we got to go.
-Amped.

[upbeat music playing]

[Lauren] I'm trying to figure out
where we're supposed to be

pulling in to meet everyone.

[Kristin] We're here!

-[Stephen] Camping trip!
-[Dieter] Oh, I'm already seasick.

Why don't I sleep
on this thing? Screw the tent.

[chuckles] Yeah, screw camping.
Let's sleep on this thing.

Oh, food!

-[Kristin] Do you want half of it?
-Yeah, thank you.

[Kristin] No, no, no, no, that's mine.

[boat horn blares]

[Lauren] Aquarius. Anyone else Aquarius?

Whatever. Stephen's an Aquarius.

"As Mars, the planet of disagreements,

moves into your sign's
relationship sector--"

Uh-oh. "This is not the time
to rock the love boat

unless you know that it's the right time
to end a relationship."

[laughs]

Lauren's like… [mimics laugh]

[Talan] Do you know
there's mad bears here?

-No, there's not. There's buffalo.
-There's bears here.

-There are no bears.
-Stephen.

[Lauren] Is there-- Stephen,
are there bears in Catalina?

[Talan] There's bears, dude.

Didn't you hear about those chicks
that got freakin' eaten?

-Shut up!
-I swear to God.

Lauren, we're gonna sleep together, right?

-There's bears!
-And lions and tigers.

Morgan, the campsite we're going to,

like, a year and a half ago, someone
got so messed up by a bear, I swear.

They had a candy bar that was open
in their tent, and the bear just charged.

'Cause they can smell?

-They're gonna attack us, Lauren.
-[Talan] They'll attack you for sure.

[upbeat music playing]

-Land ho. Land ho.
-Shut up. [chuckles]

[Stephen] Look how good
this guy is at parallel parking.

[Kristin] Oh, it's so beautiful!

[Talan] I think
the rangers will take our gear.

-[Dieter] Are we trekking it up?
-[Talan] Yeah, we're hiking.

[Lauren] Does anyone know
which way, like, how to get there?

[Stephen] Dude, how nice
does that water look?

We're here!

It's a contest who can
get their tent up first.

-[Kristin] Let's go!
-[Lauren] It's so dirty.

Paint by numbers.

-[Stephen chuckles] Look at that.
-What is this?

I'm gonna hammer these
bad boys in the ground.

This is so gross.

Wait, why is this one short?

[Talan] We're gonna be snuggly in there.

-[thud]
-Ow!

[Stephen] Make sure they don't break.

-Ow!
-[Kristin] Oh, you guys.

-Ah!
-[Stephen laughs]

Ow! [groans]

-We're done.
-We won!

[Stephen] Trey!

I thought we just got
the kayaks right down there.

[Trey] No, we have to go
to the… the scuba shop.

[Stephen] Are you sure? To get the kayaks?

[Trey] Yeah.

[Kristin] Look, this is cool!

This is cool.

[Stephen] That would suck
to tip over here.

[Kristin] Stephen, stop!

[screams] Stephen, it's cold!

[screams, laughs]

You ass-[bleep]! Stephen, it's cold!

[line ringing]

-Hello?
-[Lauren] Hi, Lo.

Hi, Lauren. What are you doing?

[sighs] Camping.

-[chuckles]
-That sucks.

[Lauren] It would be more fun
if you were here.

[Lo] Wait,
is everyone like, all paired up,

like Stephen and Kristin and all
the guys and stuff?

I don't want to talk about it.
What are you gonna do tonight?

I'm going to sushi with Mike.

-Mm, I'm jealous.
-[Lo chuckling]

You're eating hot dogs
and I'm eating sushi. Yes, ma'am.

Do you want me to… Do you want
me to call you when I get home?

-Yeah, call me after he drops you off.
-[chuckles] Okay, bye. Have a good time!

-Okay, I will. Love you, bye.
-[Lo] Bye.

[Kristin] Come on, Stephen, let's see it!

Jump, Stephen!

[Kristin] Be careful!

Oh, my God!

-[Kristin cheers]
-[Trey cheers]

[Kristin] Stephen, you have
to get on from the back.

Stephen, I went to camp.
I know what I'm doing.

I hate camping.

[upbeat music playing]

[Lo] Hello? Hi, Lauren.

Um. Nothing.
Trying to decide what shoes to wear.

[laughs] I have no… I have no clothes.

Uh. My 7s with the red on the butt.

The brown shirt.

Brown and gold is cute together.

Brown and gold's not cute together?

Oh, okay.

Um. Yeah, I'm excited
to go out with Mike tonight.

I hope that it goes well.

-[doorbell rings]
-Mikey's here.

-Hi, Mikey. I'm almost ready.
-[dog barking]

-[Mike] Oh, yeah, real ready.
-[Lo] I'm just not all the way ready.

[mellow music playing]

[birds screeching]

-Washing your feet?
-Yeah, it's dirty everywhere.

And my shoes got
really dirty, and it's gross.

[Stephen] Hey, this is really hot,
so people could start

-cooking on it before the coals go out.
-[Kristin] Let's start making food!

[Lauren] If we just had a spatula,

-it'd be so much easier to just scoop it.
-[Kristin] These things are retarded.

-[Stephen] Trey, you want to go?
-[Trey] Yeah.

Let the girls cook.

[Dieter] Hey, Stephen,
you want to go to Jack in the Box?

[Stephen laughing]

[camp ranger] Hey, also,
you guys, just to be aware,

we do have rattlesnakes
that sometimes come into the campground.

Uh… deer.

There's a lot of deer that
come in at night, so be careful.

Uh… and then bears once in a while,

because of the drought, they've been known
to come into the campground.

So, keep an eye out.

Once you're done
with your food and everything

at the end of the night, put it away.

And if you hear something
snuffling at your tent, don't open it.

[chuckles]

So, there's a good
probability bears will come.

Yeah, we've had 4 inches
of rain instead of 12 or 14,

-so they're looking for water.
-[Talan] Told you, L.C.

And once you guys are
done with your fire, you know,

just make sure it's out
before you guys go to bed.

-All right, you guys have a good night.
-Thanks. You too.

-[Talan] Oh, that was clean.
-[Dieter] Crushed it.

-[Talan] That was nice.
-[laughs]

-[Trey] Pretty sick.
-[Talan] Trey's got a good swing.

Trey's got a good swing.

I don't think we could get it
to that boat if we tried.

Yeah.

-[Lo] Ready, stinky?
-[Mike] Yeah.

-[Lo] You're looking sharp.
-Did you really just call me…

-Did you really just call me stinky?
-[Lo] I did.

I call everyone stinky.
It's a term of endearment in my book.

-Thanks, stinky.
-[Mike] It hurts me.

[Lo] I feel like I don't match.

Thank you.

Oh, my gosh. This is gonna be fun.

-Mm, yeah!
-[all laugh]

-It's so fun. It's, like, powerful.
-It feels so good.

["More Than Meets The Eyes" playing]

♪ It's not a sign of weakness ♪

[girls laugh, screaming]

♪ To everything there is a reason ♪

[indistinct chatter]

♪ And a time for letting go ♪

♪ Things aren't always… ♪

-The four of us.
-Oh, God!

[indistinct chatter]

So, when are you gonna decide
if you're going to Santa Barbara or not?

I don't know. I'm enrolled.

But isn't it too late
to transfer somewhere?

Not if a coach helps you out.

Oh, not if your baseball
coach helps you out?

-Are you gonna live in I.V.?
-[phone ringing]

[Mike] Hey.

Yeah.

Uh, it's pretty good.

It's going well.

We will see.

Yeah.

Well, hey, I'll give you
a call once this is done.

All right, see ya.

-Two missed calls.
-Want a piece of gum?

Want to split it with me?
I only like half pieces of gum.

Your mouth isn't big enough.

Your mouth obviously is big enough.

♪ And sometimes life is something
You can't see ♪

-[all laughing]
-You have to, like, fling.

♪ It's more ♪

[indistinct chatter]

♪ It's more than meets the eyes ♪

-[Lo] Thank you.
-[Mike speaks indistinctly]

[dog barking]

[Lo] Oh, Buster,
I should have gone to Catalina.

[Morgan] Wait,
so how does this work exactly?

You're all supposed
to put your hands on it?

[Alex] You, like,
gently rest your fingers on it,

-and then you ask it a question.
-[Kristin] Right, what are we asking?

No, I'm gonna start off, okay?

[Morgan] Okay, you ask a stupid
question about somebody.

Is Morgan a virgin?

-[Morgan] Stop it!
-[all laugh]

No? What the hell?

Shut up!

-[Morgan] It's not funny.
-[Lauren] Morgan is a virgin.

-[growling]
-What?

-[Alex] I heard a bear.
-Oh, my God, so did I!

I'm getting the [bleep]
out of here! I hate all you guys.

-[shushes]
-Seriously, you guys.

-[Alex] Wait, what was that?
-It was a bear.

I am not lying.
I heard, I heard something.

[Stephen] Everyone just chill
around the fire. It's gonna be okay.

[Kristin] Can everyone
gather around me?

-[laughs]
-I'll go in the middle. [laughs]

-[Stephen] Let's go to bed, dude.
-[Lauren] I agree.

[Stephen] It's time to shut
this bad boy down.

-[Morgan] Good night, everyone.
-[Kristin] Good night, Morgan.

-I'll be there in a little bit.
-[Lauren] Good night, you guys.

[crickets chirping]

[Stephen] Did you take your
shoes off before you came in here?

-[growling]
-[Alex screams]

[Lauren] Do you hear that?

[Kristin] Stephen, I hear a bear.

[Lauren shushes] Listen.

[Dieter] Get in your tents.
Get in your tents.

[Talan] Hey, don't get out of your tent!

[growling continues]

-[indistinct chatter]
-[Kristin] Stephen.

[Trey] This is gonna be hilarious.

That's obviously my belly,
but what are these things?

-Are those my boobs?
-That's your ass, bro.

[Kristin] Stephen!

We have to hurry.
They're gonna get suspicious.

-[Kristin] Stephen, where are you?
-[laughs]

[Kristin] Stephen!

-[growling]
-[Kristin] Stephen, I hear a bear!

-[Dieter] L.C.!
-[Lauren] Do you hear that?

-[Dieter] Did you hear that?
-Stephen.

[Dieter] Hey, don't get
out of your tents.

-[Lauren] I'm so freaking out.
-Open the [bleep] tent. Let me get in.

[Talan] Kristin,
don't get out of your tent.

[Kristin] Where's Stephen?

-Quiet.
-She shut the tent.

Turn off your light.
Turn off your light.

-[shushes]
-[Lauren] Listen.

[Kristin] Stephen, where are you?

-[growling]
-[Kristin] Stephen!

Dude, my hat fell off. [chuckles]

[Alex] I'm hearing
these freakin' animals.

-[yelps]
-[Kristin] Where is Stephen?

[Dieter] He's not in here.

Kristin, do you want to get in?

-[growling]
-[all scream]

[Kristin] That's not funny.

-[Kristin] Oh, my God!
-[screaming]

This is so dumb.

[all laughing, screaming]

[Kristin] Stephen, you're pissing me off.

[Stephen] That was all planned.

-[chuckles] Where did my hat go?
-No, go away.

[Stephen] Where did my hat go?

-Where did my hat go?
-Screw you!

-[Trey] It's down here.
-[Lauren] I threw it down the hill.

[Stephen] You're such a bitch.

-[Lauren] Can we go to bed now?
-[Alex] That was so not cool.

[Stephen] Kristin.

[Kristin] That doesn't even
look like a bear. How stupid.

[Stephen] Why can't you take a joke?

[Lauren]

[laughing]

[laughs]

[Alex]

[Lauren]

["In The End" playing]

["In The End" concludes]

[church bells tolling]

[Reverend Schuller]
I am the proudest of fathers today.

My three older children
will be singing during my message.

There's a time where
I'm gonna invite them up,

and they're gonna come,
and they're gonna sing for us.

So, what a great morning.

I'm telling you,
I am just blessed beyond-- beyond words.

I'm a very blessed man.

[applause]

That's not good.
You need to stay awake.

-[Christina] I'm awake.
-'Cause you need to keep energized.

[Reverend Schuller]
…comes from the persistent widow.

[mellow music playing]

[soft music concludes]

[Reverend Schuller]
Oh, all day long, wax on, wax off.

What's the deal with "wax on, wax off"?

We don't see it. We don't understand it.

But God tells us to pray.

So, if it's "Wax on, wax off…"

Wax on, wax off.

When God tells us to pray. [chuckles]

[Reverend Schuller]
Or if it's paint, paint.

If God says pray…

we pray.

[Bobby] Wax off.

We've got to praise the Lord for all
the wonderful things he's given to us.

And I'm very, very honored
to praise the Lord for my children.

[applause]

And they're gonna sing for us right now.

♪ Father, you're all I need ♪

♪ My sole sufficiency ♪

♪ My strength when I am weak ♪

♪ The love that carries me ♪

♪ Your arms enfold me ♪

♪ 'Til I am only ♪

♪ A child of God ♪

[applause]

[Christina sighs]

Glad that's over.

["Boy On TV" playing]

♪ I walked
Down this street before ♪

[Lo] How was, uh, Catalina?

Catalina sucked.
I don't want to talk about it.

Was somebody mean to you?

No, I mean, I was--

[Lo] Do I need
to beat someone up for you? [laughs]

[chuckles] I was just grumpy
the whole time

-'cause I didn't want to be there and…
-How were Stephen and Kristin?

[Lauren] Kristin's voice
is like nails on a chalkboard.

Oh, God, zip it!

She started freaking out
when he disappeared

to scare us all with a bear suit.

-Was she like, "Ste-phen, where are you?"
-Ste-phen? [chuckles]

-[Lo] Ste-phen?
-For like 15 minutes, I'm trying to sleep,

that's all I can hear. It's echoing.

How about you?

-Any new boys?
-No.

This year hasn't been too…
good to me. [chuckles]

But, like, you've had boys
that you've hung out with and stuff.

Who? I have Stephen.

And then we had the whole Kristin episode.
That didn't last very long.

-I'm sorry.
-Oh, no.

-I'm going to a city full of boys.
-Things are looking up for us.

[chuckles]

♪ I fell in love with the boy on TV ♪

♪ I fell in love
With the man of my dreams ♪

♪ Hell in fairy tales this happen oh ♪

♪ To anyone but me ♪

["Come Clean" playing]

["Come Clean" concludes]