Koala Man (2023–…): Season 1, Episode 4 - The Great One - full transcript
Dapto works together on an exciting project.
Earth...
Prepare for the coming
of The Great One.
- There was a time when
the Dapto Royal Show
was about coming
together as a community
to sing songs or pick
the best-looking sheep.
Now it's just a bunch of hoons.
I can't confront them as
model citizen Kevin Williams,
but I bet Koala Man would have
something to say about this.
- You promised no Koala Man at
the show. It's a family fun day.
Now come on. What
should we do first?
Showbags! Get your showbags!
So many bags of unbelievable
fun, suited to any interest.
What a unique and fun
tradition we Australians have.
So much chocolate!
Novelty stickers and toys!
- I paid 20 bucks for $6
worth of stuff. I am so happy!
- I've been saving up
all year for this moment.
I need to get the SwordStorm
showbag before it sells out!
- Those showbags are just
worthless trinkets and lollies.
No, they are currency, Mother.
Currency I will use to buy
Rosie Yodel's friendship.
- Liam, come on.
- Yay.
- Ah, well. At least you and I can
spend some quality time together.
- Oi. You lot. Try
coming together
and doing something productive
as a community for once.
Sorry, love. The debauchery
has proven too much for me.
Oh, is it alright if you
pick me up a prawn showbag?
Thank you, darling.
I'll pay you back later.
Oi. Come back here! You're
not allowed to do that.
- Hey, Janine, do you wanna
ride the Ferris wheel with me?
Nobody else wants to.
- Can't. Today woulda been mine
and Gerry's 20th anniversary,
and I'm gonna masturbate to full
splooge at the top of the wheel,
just like he used to.
God rest his soul.
Right...
Well, I don't wanna intrude on
you and Gerry's... tradition.
- Move, you little shit
holes. It's my anniversary.
Happy anniversary,
my sweet prince.
Ohh... ohh...
♪ Gerry, Gerry ♪
♪ Driving me up so silly ♪
- ♪ Gerry, Gerry ♪
- Ooh, ahh...
♪ Callin' my name,
drivin' me insane ♪
♪ Oh, Gerry ♪
Whoaaa.
Koala Kode 88.
Remember, that's not a
knife. This is a knife.
And it's illegal
in New South Wales.
Ugh... ugh...
And done.
Ahh, good job, Vicky.
Down to four minutes.
Top-notch efficiency.
Now, where's my prawn showbag?
Ah. There it is.
Kevin... we should
talk about our...
intimate time.
It would be nice if we could
both be a little more aware
of each other's needs.
So we can both have a good
time. Do you understand?
Of course, love.
You're worried it's gone
stale for me, but fear not.
You always get my
piggies out of the barn.
- Prawn?
- No, thanks.
Hmm. Janine still hasn't
responded to any of my messages.
I hope she's okay.
Ah, I'm probably just
fussed over nothing.
Oh, my God, thank you so much.
So cuuuute.
You are so nice, I love it.
- Wow, Alison, I can't believe
everyone had the same idea
to buy Rosie's
friendship with showbags.
- If only there were some way to
stand out from these pathetic losers.
- I told you kids. No
showbags at school.
Everybody pack it up.
I know, I know.
Believe me, if anybody
sympathizes, 'tis this fella.
I've been a showbag
enthusiast my whole life.
Would you believe I own
over a thousand showbags,
including the rare 2002
Kath & Kim showbag?
Believe it.
I own just about every
showbag there is.
Except, of course...
- the Forbidden Showbag.
- The what?
- Legend has it, a showbag
was created that was so full
of pure, unadulterated fun,
it nearly destroyed Dapto.
They were forced to bury
it and kill its creator.
It's rumored to still be in
Dapto till this very day.
- Wow. If anyone gave me
the Forbidden Showbag,
they would instantly
become my BFF.
The hunt is on.
Leave
a fuckin' message. Bah!
Janine, where are you?
Things aren't great with
Kevin, and I need some support.
From anybody.
Odd...
Huh. Must be one of those
TikTok dances from the internet.
You
are worthy of love.
I am?
Lunch? At this hour?
Unheard of, unsanctioned,
and unacceptable.
The love we deserve
will be here soon.
The Great One is coming.
Who in blazes is The Great One?
It's dodgy, mate.
You and I know the only Great
One is Angus Young from AC/DC.
And I guarantee he's not here.
Probably at home preparing for a tour.
Speaking of, I think we should
really consider buying tickets
to see him in Sydney.
- I would, but money's
a bit tight right now...
Nah, yeh, nah. Why
catch a legend live, eh?
Just watch a shit recording
of it after he's passed.
- Well, I suppose I
could talk to Vicky...
- There! He has not known
The Great One's love.
You seem stressed,
Kevin.
Can I offer you a massage?
- This is not proper
office behavior, Clarko.
I shall be forced to call HR to
report harassment of a sexual nature.
This is not on.
Get us out
of here, mate.
- Vicky. Vicky, we have
to get out of here.
Something's wrong with Dapto,
and it's clearly a sex thing.
Kevin, stop.
Don't you see?
It's love.
We are all worthy of love.
No... not you too, Vicky.
The Great One is coming.
Join the community.
Noooooooooooo.
You are worthy
of looooooove.
- That is a private matter
fit only for my marital bed.
- Listen to them, Kevin.
We are worthy of love.
Both of us.
Best hop in if ya
wanna live, mate.
What the hell,
Kevin? Uch, typical.
The moment things got
serious, he pops on his mask
and runs off to have one
of his little adventures.
You are worthy of love, Vicky.
- Thank you, Mrs. Banks.
You've all been so supportive.
It's like everyone in the town knew
exactly what I needed to hear today.
Yes, yes. How about a massage?
Oh, ooh, that feels nice.
Gosh, I've been so tense lately.
He's clean.
Those damn grubby
Grabbers didn't get him.
Koala Man, I'm so
glad you're okay.
Big Greg said you
weren't worth the petrol,
but I think you're the
only one who can save us.
- More than likely correct, Louise.
Now, what happened to everyone?
Whole town's gone psycho.
Seems like if one
of those Grabbers
starts giving you a rub-down,
you turn into one of them.
No happy endings.
- Darren. The fuck
are ya, ya dickhead?
I'm fuckin' scared.
- I can only hope whatever
evil has befallen Dapto,
the children have been spared.
This is awesome!
No parents, no
teachers, no rules!
Whooo!
- Alison, I'm frightened.
Where are all the adults?
Should we call Mum
and Dad to pick us up?
- Quit being such a yeasty puss and
help me find that Forbidden Showbag.
- Alison, I don't
like this. I think...
Can you hear me, boy?
My word, it's been so long.
- Wh-who said that?
I'm inside your head.
I sense you have The Gift.
You'll learn to control it in
time, unless it drives you mad.
But for now, if you want
the Forbidden Showbag,
you must find me.
- What's wrong with you?
- Follow me.
Welcome to my panic room.
Safest place in Dapto.
Bet you don't have one
of these, Koala Man.
- Personally, I've always found
you don't need a panic room
if you don't plan to panic.
Agh! What is that?
- This is the reason we're
starting our mission here.
Voilà.
You are all worthy of looooove.
Darren, nooooooo!
- Darren, what's happening
on the Council roof?
Who is The Great One?
- The Great One lives
in six-dimensional space
in a realm of pure pleasure.
He seeded the cosmos
with his meteors
so that we might
prepare for his coming.
Prepare? How?
- A crystal rocket. At the
top of the Council building.
We will build it together,
enter as a community,
and The Great One will
take us to a place
where we'll be enveloped
in his love forever.
- Fuck Oath. How are we
supposed to stop an alien?
- By coming up with a
very, very, very good plan.
Or at least just a very good... I probably
put too many "very" s in there, didn't I?
And then he started
eating prawns in bed.
Left the heads and poop
chutes on the pillow.
I feel like I can
still smell it on me.
Oh! Uch, god, it's disgusting.
We do not like the
shell creatures.
Please hand me the
thrust regulator.
- Oh, did I ever tell you about the
time I told Kevin I bought lingerie,
and he thought he was
getting linguine for dinner?
Hmm. This one takes the cake.
Sunshine...
bilbies... being me self...
And most of all, I love
me best mate, Damo.
- Aw, Darren, you're me
favorite dickhead too.
I can't take this anymore.
Thanks, mate.
Ah, that feels good.
Christ.
Those little meth
heads are escaping.
Koala Man, help!
Oi, boys. Over here.
I'd like one of those comfy
massages you've been talking about.
Join our
community of love.
Ugh.
Gotcha, ya grub.
He's
working the knots out.
Spider! SPIDER: Uggh.
Stay back, Koala Man.
I feel worthy of love...
- You're not, Spider.
Goddamn it, you're not.
Ughh...
Remember me as I lived...
a yucker and a fucker.
Spider!
Well, that went terribly.
Your fault entirely.
What now, Koala Man?
- They've taken Kevin
Williams' beautiful wife Vicky,
and now they've
taken my best friend.
But they won't take Dapto.
There's only one thing
left for us to do:
destroy the rocket.
How?
Dunno.
Why does it smell
like the bloody ocean in here?
- Ah, sorry, yeah, that'd
be my pocket prawn.
In case I get hungry.
How are we looking
back there, Louise?
Koala Bomb is ready to go.
Ah. Cute little fella, isn't he?
I didn't know you were
so tech savvy, Louise.
- I... I've been taking
engineering classes on the side
in case it would
be useful to you.
Aw, that's sweet of you, Louise.
If I were ever in the
market for a sidekick,
you'd be considered along with
several other qualified individuals.
Eucalyptus oil would
fix that right up.
- Fix what?
- Sore joints.
Be happy to gather a
bit for ya sometime.
- Oh, the hands. Right...
Yeah, nah, nah, it's nothing.
Old fishing injury is all.
Oh, my God... there it is.
- That's the biggest
rocket I've ever seen.
Eh, I've seen bigger.
Liam! What are we doing in here?
- I can't explain it, but I
hear someone calling to me...
in my mind.
- I knew it. You have psychic
powers. This is so unfair.
If the
Forbidden Showbag you seek,
perhaps I, James Showbag,
inventor of the
showbag, may be of use.
- Alison! This brain says he knows
where the Forbidden Showbag is.
- I can't hear anything.
Tell Wrinkles to spill it.
The Forbidden
Showbag was my greatest creation,
but it was too powerful,
and the people of Dapto sentenced me
to wallow in brine and my own filth
for all eternity, that
I may serve as a warning
to any who dared create
another bag of infinite fun.
- Could you please tell us where
the Forbidden Showbag is, James?
I can.
But in exchange you must
do something for me.
Kill me.
What? No. I like you.
Please, sweet boy.
Years I have waited for someone
with The Gift to hear my cries.
Help an old, tired brain
leave this cruel world.
- He says he'll tell us where the bag
is, but only if we promise to kill him.
- Sure, whatever.
Let's just do it.
Huzzah!
The Forbidden Showbag
is in a catacomb
hidden beneath the
Fun Fair Ball stand.
Last clown mouth on the right.
- Ugh, did he say where it is yet?
- Yeah, but...
Wait, no!
I've changed my mind!
I want to live. We
can be friends...
No!
Aaah.
If I can just get the
little guy inside,
we'll be properly placed
for maximum destruction.
Aw, you bastard.
I'm sorry, Koala Man.
Forget it, mate. It's over.
We can't just give up, Big Greg.
Oh, Koala Man, Koala Man...
You need to relax...
Maybe get a massage...
What did you say?
We're all worthy of
love, Koala Man...
including you.
- Koala Man!
- Louise!
Don't worry about me.
Now, go... save us, Koala Man.
Kevin, you came back.
You were right about the community
needing to do something positive together.
Now you can be a part of it too.
- Oh, bitter irony. Now
stand aside, insane Vicky.
I have to blow up this rocket before
an interdimensional being comes for us.
- Wait, what...?
- Hold on a tick, Vicky.
Your eyes. They're not pink.
Have you not been turned?
- Turned? What the
hell are you talk...
- A community united in love
cannot be stopped, little bear.
The vessel is complete.
Let us board for The
Great One's visit.
Seize them!
You are worthy of love.
- Starting to feel like I might
have missed some red flags.
- The Great One will
descend at any moment.
Now let Koala Man and Vicky
know the ecstasy of the joining.
Noooooooooooo...
- They stink of the
prawn. Totally gross.
They cannot be turned.
Well, well, well, Vicky.
Looks like my prawn showbag stopped us
from being turned into mindless zombies.
- Huh. Well, maybe that wouldn't
have been such a bad thing.
Do you know why?
Because they listen.
You go on and on
about community,
but what you really want is for
everything to be your way all the time.
At the show, in the bedroom...
There's never room for what
anyone else wants, including me.
So, yes, maybe I missed the fact
that everyone has been
turned into massage zombies
and were building a rocket
to the sixth dimension,
but at least they
made me feel loved.
You need to do
that for me, or...
or who knows what can happen?
Vicky... I'm sorry.
The Great One is here!
- There it is. The last
clown mouth on the right.
Come on.
Come on, we're close.
Wow...
Rosie's gonna love it.
Maybe I should just
have a quick peek.
Dear god... so much fun...
the hours of entertainment...
I could stay here forever!
Why should I give it to Rosie?
All the fun for Alison.
Alison. Let it go!
James said it's too powerful.
You just want it for yourself.
But it's mine. Mine!
Citizens of Dapto.
Are you ready to
accept infinite love?
We are ready.
We unite as a community of love.
Let
the journey begin!
We're goin' to space, Darren.
Finally.
Mmhhh... yeah,
yeah, that's good... right there.
Hmm. That
doesn't look like space.
HE GREAT ONE Fuck yeah,
that's good. Ahhh.
The Great One is coming!
The Great One cometh.
Oh, my God.
We're inside it. The Great
One is using us as a dildo.
Agh! Come on, you
dirty little slut of a planet.
Fuck me!
Yeah, yeah, right
there, right there...
I knew this was a sex thing.
Kevin, look.
Oh, yeah. I'm
gonna fuck this planet to death.
- If this thing keeps pleasuring
itself with us, it'll tear Dapto apart.
How are we going
to get it off us?
By getting it off.
- Alison, we have to get out
of here! We're going to die!
Then I'll die happy. Leave me.
Ohhh!
- Uhhh.
- Noooo!
Come on.
I don't know about this.
- I promise. If you listen to
me, I can get us out of here.
But I'm not very
good at this thing.
It's okay. I'll help you.
Okay, keep going.
Nice and slow, nice and slow...
- Now left.
- Left?
- Really?
- Left, Kevin. Left, now, left.
Circular motion.
Oh, no.
Something's happening.
We better stop and completely change
the rhythm of what we're doing.
- No, Kevin, we're close. Keep
going, consistent motion, don't stop.
But it's been over four minutes.
Don't... stop.
Oh. I see something.
I think we're getting there.
I'm learning, Vicky.
Yes! Keep going!
Yes! KOALA MAN: Tell
me when we're there.
We're here. We're here.
- Bombs away?
- Yes. Blow it!
Wraaarrrrrrwwwwwwww-fuckkkkk.
Uhh.
Vicky. We did it. We got it off.
- And it's not the
only one... Koala Stud.
Mwwwwah.
Ohh. I
don't know what to say.
No planet's ever done
that for me before.
I usually fuck planets to
death and never get off, but...
we must have had some
sort of real connection.
This might be too
early to say, but...
I think I'm falling in
love with you, Earth.
Give me a minute, but
then we can go again...
rougher this time.
- I hadn't counted on this. Who's
ever heard of going multiple times?
We're doomed.
Mum, Dad!
We've been looking all
over for the adults.
We murdered a nice brain and
Alison found the Forbidden Showbag.
And Liam ruined it.
Oh,
you've got kids?
Uh, actually, I just remembered I
have this work thing in the morning.
So I should probably go.
But no, this was, this was fun.
Um, yeah, I'll
totally text you, hey.
Alright, see ya.
Good work, kids.
You helped save the planet
from an alien sex pest.
Can't believe that's really a
thing. What a world we live in now.
- I didn't want to save the
planet. I wanted to be popular.
- In the end, The Great
One was nothing more
than an interdimensional
fuckboi.
Why does this keep
happening to me?
Aw, Christ.
Who's gonna clean all this up?
Did someone say... who?
- Gotta give Dapto credit.
We drained him good.
Goodbye, my friend.
You may have been
just a brain in a jar,
but I shall always remember...
...your heart.
- I suppose you got what
you wanted in the end:
the whole town working
together to clean up Dapto.
I was thinking we could work on
something else together later...
Oooh. Cheeky. I'd like that.
Though, there really is still a
lot of alien ejaculate to clean up.
Fuck
yeah, I'd hit that.
Nope. Ugly.
Thicc.
Agh! No kids.
Hit it and quit it.
You bloody legend.
Prepare for the coming
of The Great One.
- There was a time when
the Dapto Royal Show
was about coming
together as a community
to sing songs or pick
the best-looking sheep.
Now it's just a bunch of hoons.
I can't confront them as
model citizen Kevin Williams,
but I bet Koala Man would have
something to say about this.
- You promised no Koala Man at
the show. It's a family fun day.
Now come on. What
should we do first?
Showbags! Get your showbags!
So many bags of unbelievable
fun, suited to any interest.
What a unique and fun
tradition we Australians have.
So much chocolate!
Novelty stickers and toys!
- I paid 20 bucks for $6
worth of stuff. I am so happy!
- I've been saving up
all year for this moment.
I need to get the SwordStorm
showbag before it sells out!
- Those showbags are just
worthless trinkets and lollies.
No, they are currency, Mother.
Currency I will use to buy
Rosie Yodel's friendship.
- Liam, come on.
- Yay.
- Ah, well. At least you and I can
spend some quality time together.
- Oi. You lot. Try
coming together
and doing something productive
as a community for once.
Sorry, love. The debauchery
has proven too much for me.
Oh, is it alright if you
pick me up a prawn showbag?
Thank you, darling.
I'll pay you back later.
Oi. Come back here! You're
not allowed to do that.
- Hey, Janine, do you wanna
ride the Ferris wheel with me?
Nobody else wants to.
- Can't. Today woulda been mine
and Gerry's 20th anniversary,
and I'm gonna masturbate to full
splooge at the top of the wheel,
just like he used to.
God rest his soul.
Right...
Well, I don't wanna intrude on
you and Gerry's... tradition.
- Move, you little shit
holes. It's my anniversary.
Happy anniversary,
my sweet prince.
Ohh... ohh...
♪ Gerry, Gerry ♪
♪ Driving me up so silly ♪
- ♪ Gerry, Gerry ♪
- Ooh, ahh...
♪ Callin' my name,
drivin' me insane ♪
♪ Oh, Gerry ♪
Whoaaa.
Koala Kode 88.
Remember, that's not a
knife. This is a knife.
And it's illegal
in New South Wales.
Ugh... ugh...
And done.
Ahh, good job, Vicky.
Down to four minutes.
Top-notch efficiency.
Now, where's my prawn showbag?
Ah. There it is.
Kevin... we should
talk about our...
intimate time.
It would be nice if we could
both be a little more aware
of each other's needs.
So we can both have a good
time. Do you understand?
Of course, love.
You're worried it's gone
stale for me, but fear not.
You always get my
piggies out of the barn.
- Prawn?
- No, thanks.
Hmm. Janine still hasn't
responded to any of my messages.
I hope she's okay.
Ah, I'm probably just
fussed over nothing.
Oh, my God, thank you so much.
So cuuuute.
You are so nice, I love it.
- Wow, Alison, I can't believe
everyone had the same idea
to buy Rosie's
friendship with showbags.
- If only there were some way to
stand out from these pathetic losers.
- I told you kids. No
showbags at school.
Everybody pack it up.
I know, I know.
Believe me, if anybody
sympathizes, 'tis this fella.
I've been a showbag
enthusiast my whole life.
Would you believe I own
over a thousand showbags,
including the rare 2002
Kath & Kim showbag?
Believe it.
I own just about every
showbag there is.
Except, of course...
- the Forbidden Showbag.
- The what?
- Legend has it, a showbag
was created that was so full
of pure, unadulterated fun,
it nearly destroyed Dapto.
They were forced to bury
it and kill its creator.
It's rumored to still be in
Dapto till this very day.
- Wow. If anyone gave me
the Forbidden Showbag,
they would instantly
become my BFF.
The hunt is on.
Leave
a fuckin' message. Bah!
Janine, where are you?
Things aren't great with
Kevin, and I need some support.
From anybody.
Odd...
Huh. Must be one of those
TikTok dances from the internet.
You
are worthy of love.
I am?
Lunch? At this hour?
Unheard of, unsanctioned,
and unacceptable.
The love we deserve
will be here soon.
The Great One is coming.
Who in blazes is The Great One?
It's dodgy, mate.
You and I know the only Great
One is Angus Young from AC/DC.
And I guarantee he's not here.
Probably at home preparing for a tour.
Speaking of, I think we should
really consider buying tickets
to see him in Sydney.
- I would, but money's
a bit tight right now...
Nah, yeh, nah. Why
catch a legend live, eh?
Just watch a shit recording
of it after he's passed.
- Well, I suppose I
could talk to Vicky...
- There! He has not known
The Great One's love.
You seem stressed,
Kevin.
Can I offer you a massage?
- This is not proper
office behavior, Clarko.
I shall be forced to call HR to
report harassment of a sexual nature.
This is not on.
Get us out
of here, mate.
- Vicky. Vicky, we have
to get out of here.
Something's wrong with Dapto,
and it's clearly a sex thing.
Kevin, stop.
Don't you see?
It's love.
We are all worthy of love.
No... not you too, Vicky.
The Great One is coming.
Join the community.
Noooooooooooo.
You are worthy
of looooooove.
- That is a private matter
fit only for my marital bed.
- Listen to them, Kevin.
We are worthy of love.
Both of us.
Best hop in if ya
wanna live, mate.
What the hell,
Kevin? Uch, typical.
The moment things got
serious, he pops on his mask
and runs off to have one
of his little adventures.
You are worthy of love, Vicky.
- Thank you, Mrs. Banks.
You've all been so supportive.
It's like everyone in the town knew
exactly what I needed to hear today.
Yes, yes. How about a massage?
Oh, ooh, that feels nice.
Gosh, I've been so tense lately.
He's clean.
Those damn grubby
Grabbers didn't get him.
Koala Man, I'm so
glad you're okay.
Big Greg said you
weren't worth the petrol,
but I think you're the
only one who can save us.
- More than likely correct, Louise.
Now, what happened to everyone?
Whole town's gone psycho.
Seems like if one
of those Grabbers
starts giving you a rub-down,
you turn into one of them.
No happy endings.
- Darren. The fuck
are ya, ya dickhead?
I'm fuckin' scared.
- I can only hope whatever
evil has befallen Dapto,
the children have been spared.
This is awesome!
No parents, no
teachers, no rules!
Whooo!
- Alison, I'm frightened.
Where are all the adults?
Should we call Mum
and Dad to pick us up?
- Quit being such a yeasty puss and
help me find that Forbidden Showbag.
- Alison, I don't
like this. I think...
Can you hear me, boy?
My word, it's been so long.
- Wh-who said that?
I'm inside your head.
I sense you have The Gift.
You'll learn to control it in
time, unless it drives you mad.
But for now, if you want
the Forbidden Showbag,
you must find me.
- What's wrong with you?
- Follow me.
Welcome to my panic room.
Safest place in Dapto.
Bet you don't have one
of these, Koala Man.
- Personally, I've always found
you don't need a panic room
if you don't plan to panic.
Agh! What is that?
- This is the reason we're
starting our mission here.
Voilà.
You are all worthy of looooove.
Darren, nooooooo!
- Darren, what's happening
on the Council roof?
Who is The Great One?
- The Great One lives
in six-dimensional space
in a realm of pure pleasure.
He seeded the cosmos
with his meteors
so that we might
prepare for his coming.
Prepare? How?
- A crystal rocket. At the
top of the Council building.
We will build it together,
enter as a community,
and The Great One will
take us to a place
where we'll be enveloped
in his love forever.
- Fuck Oath. How are we
supposed to stop an alien?
- By coming up with a
very, very, very good plan.
Or at least just a very good... I probably
put too many "very" s in there, didn't I?
And then he started
eating prawns in bed.
Left the heads and poop
chutes on the pillow.
I feel like I can
still smell it on me.
Oh! Uch, god, it's disgusting.
We do not like the
shell creatures.
Please hand me the
thrust regulator.
- Oh, did I ever tell you about the
time I told Kevin I bought lingerie,
and he thought he was
getting linguine for dinner?
Hmm. This one takes the cake.
Sunshine...
bilbies... being me self...
And most of all, I love
me best mate, Damo.
- Aw, Darren, you're me
favorite dickhead too.
I can't take this anymore.
Thanks, mate.
Ah, that feels good.
Christ.
Those little meth
heads are escaping.
Koala Man, help!
Oi, boys. Over here.
I'd like one of those comfy
massages you've been talking about.
Join our
community of love.
Ugh.
Gotcha, ya grub.
He's
working the knots out.
Spider! SPIDER: Uggh.
Stay back, Koala Man.
I feel worthy of love...
- You're not, Spider.
Goddamn it, you're not.
Ughh...
Remember me as I lived...
a yucker and a fucker.
Spider!
Well, that went terribly.
Your fault entirely.
What now, Koala Man?
- They've taken Kevin
Williams' beautiful wife Vicky,
and now they've
taken my best friend.
But they won't take Dapto.
There's only one thing
left for us to do:
destroy the rocket.
How?
Dunno.
Why does it smell
like the bloody ocean in here?
- Ah, sorry, yeah, that'd
be my pocket prawn.
In case I get hungry.
How are we looking
back there, Louise?
Koala Bomb is ready to go.
Ah. Cute little fella, isn't he?
I didn't know you were
so tech savvy, Louise.
- I... I've been taking
engineering classes on the side
in case it would
be useful to you.
Aw, that's sweet of you, Louise.
If I were ever in the
market for a sidekick,
you'd be considered along with
several other qualified individuals.
Eucalyptus oil would
fix that right up.
- Fix what?
- Sore joints.
Be happy to gather a
bit for ya sometime.
- Oh, the hands. Right...
Yeah, nah, nah, it's nothing.
Old fishing injury is all.
Oh, my God... there it is.
- That's the biggest
rocket I've ever seen.
Eh, I've seen bigger.
Liam! What are we doing in here?
- I can't explain it, but I
hear someone calling to me...
in my mind.
- I knew it. You have psychic
powers. This is so unfair.
If the
Forbidden Showbag you seek,
perhaps I, James Showbag,
inventor of the
showbag, may be of use.
- Alison! This brain says he knows
where the Forbidden Showbag is.
- I can't hear anything.
Tell Wrinkles to spill it.
The Forbidden
Showbag was my greatest creation,
but it was too powerful,
and the people of Dapto sentenced me
to wallow in brine and my own filth
for all eternity, that
I may serve as a warning
to any who dared create
another bag of infinite fun.
- Could you please tell us where
the Forbidden Showbag is, James?
I can.
But in exchange you must
do something for me.
Kill me.
What? No. I like you.
Please, sweet boy.
Years I have waited for someone
with The Gift to hear my cries.
Help an old, tired brain
leave this cruel world.
- He says he'll tell us where the bag
is, but only if we promise to kill him.
- Sure, whatever.
Let's just do it.
Huzzah!
The Forbidden Showbag
is in a catacomb
hidden beneath the
Fun Fair Ball stand.
Last clown mouth on the right.
- Ugh, did he say where it is yet?
- Yeah, but...
Wait, no!
I've changed my mind!
I want to live. We
can be friends...
No!
Aaah.
If I can just get the
little guy inside,
we'll be properly placed
for maximum destruction.
Aw, you bastard.
I'm sorry, Koala Man.
Forget it, mate. It's over.
We can't just give up, Big Greg.
Oh, Koala Man, Koala Man...
You need to relax...
Maybe get a massage...
What did you say?
We're all worthy of
love, Koala Man...
including you.
- Koala Man!
- Louise!
Don't worry about me.
Now, go... save us, Koala Man.
Kevin, you came back.
You were right about the community
needing to do something positive together.
Now you can be a part of it too.
- Oh, bitter irony. Now
stand aside, insane Vicky.
I have to blow up this rocket before
an interdimensional being comes for us.
- Wait, what...?
- Hold on a tick, Vicky.
Your eyes. They're not pink.
Have you not been turned?
- Turned? What the
hell are you talk...
- A community united in love
cannot be stopped, little bear.
The vessel is complete.
Let us board for The
Great One's visit.
Seize them!
You are worthy of love.
- Starting to feel like I might
have missed some red flags.
- The Great One will
descend at any moment.
Now let Koala Man and Vicky
know the ecstasy of the joining.
Noooooooooooo...
- They stink of the
prawn. Totally gross.
They cannot be turned.
Well, well, well, Vicky.
Looks like my prawn showbag stopped us
from being turned into mindless zombies.
- Huh. Well, maybe that wouldn't
have been such a bad thing.
Do you know why?
Because they listen.
You go on and on
about community,
but what you really want is for
everything to be your way all the time.
At the show, in the bedroom...
There's never room for what
anyone else wants, including me.
So, yes, maybe I missed the fact
that everyone has been
turned into massage zombies
and were building a rocket
to the sixth dimension,
but at least they
made me feel loved.
You need to do
that for me, or...
or who knows what can happen?
Vicky... I'm sorry.
The Great One is here!
- There it is. The last
clown mouth on the right.
Come on.
Come on, we're close.
Wow...
Rosie's gonna love it.
Maybe I should just
have a quick peek.
Dear god... so much fun...
the hours of entertainment...
I could stay here forever!
Why should I give it to Rosie?
All the fun for Alison.
Alison. Let it go!
James said it's too powerful.
You just want it for yourself.
But it's mine. Mine!
Citizens of Dapto.
Are you ready to
accept infinite love?
We are ready.
We unite as a community of love.
Let
the journey begin!
We're goin' to space, Darren.
Finally.
Mmhhh... yeah,
yeah, that's good... right there.
Hmm. That
doesn't look like space.
HE GREAT ONE Fuck yeah,
that's good. Ahhh.
The Great One is coming!
The Great One cometh.
Oh, my God.
We're inside it. The Great
One is using us as a dildo.
Agh! Come on, you
dirty little slut of a planet.
Fuck me!
Yeah, yeah, right
there, right there...
I knew this was a sex thing.
Kevin, look.
Oh, yeah. I'm
gonna fuck this planet to death.
- If this thing keeps pleasuring
itself with us, it'll tear Dapto apart.
How are we going
to get it off us?
By getting it off.
- Alison, we have to get out
of here! We're going to die!
Then I'll die happy. Leave me.
Ohhh!
- Uhhh.
- Noooo!
Come on.
I don't know about this.
- I promise. If you listen to
me, I can get us out of here.
But I'm not very
good at this thing.
It's okay. I'll help you.
Okay, keep going.
Nice and slow, nice and slow...
- Now left.
- Left?
- Really?
- Left, Kevin. Left, now, left.
Circular motion.
Oh, no.
Something's happening.
We better stop and completely change
the rhythm of what we're doing.
- No, Kevin, we're close. Keep
going, consistent motion, don't stop.
But it's been over four minutes.
Don't... stop.
Oh. I see something.
I think we're getting there.
I'm learning, Vicky.
Yes! Keep going!
Yes! KOALA MAN: Tell
me when we're there.
We're here. We're here.
- Bombs away?
- Yes. Blow it!
Wraaarrrrrrwwwwwwww-fuckkkkk.
Uhh.
Vicky. We did it. We got it off.
- And it's not the
only one... Koala Stud.
Mwwwwah.
Ohh. I
don't know what to say.
No planet's ever done
that for me before.
I usually fuck planets to
death and never get off, but...
we must have had some
sort of real connection.
This might be too
early to say, but...
I think I'm falling in
love with you, Earth.
Give me a minute, but
then we can go again...
rougher this time.
- I hadn't counted on this. Who's
ever heard of going multiple times?
We're doomed.
Mum, Dad!
We've been looking all
over for the adults.
We murdered a nice brain and
Alison found the Forbidden Showbag.
And Liam ruined it.
Oh,
you've got kids?
Uh, actually, I just remembered I
have this work thing in the morning.
So I should probably go.
But no, this was, this was fun.
Um, yeah, I'll
totally text you, hey.
Alright, see ya.
Good work, kids.
You helped save the planet
from an alien sex pest.
Can't believe that's really a
thing. What a world we live in now.
- I didn't want to save the
planet. I wanted to be popular.
- In the end, The Great
One was nothing more
than an interdimensional
fuckboi.
Why does this keep
happening to me?
Aw, Christ.
Who's gonna clean all this up?
Did someone say... who?
- Gotta give Dapto credit.
We drained him good.
Goodbye, my friend.
You may have been
just a brain in a jar,
but I shall always remember...
...your heart.
- I suppose you got what
you wanted in the end:
the whole town working
together to clean up Dapto.
I was thinking we could work on
something else together later...
Oooh. Cheeky. I'd like that.
Though, there really is still a
lot of alien ejaculate to clean up.
Fuck
yeah, I'd hit that.
Nope. Ugly.
Thicc.
Agh! No kids.
Hit it and quit it.
You bloody legend.