Kitchen Nightmares (2007–2014): Season 5, Episode 4 - Luigi's - full transcript
Luigi's D'Italia suffers from bad food and owners who yell and scream, including at the customers.
- Last year, I spent a
week in Spain at La Parra,
helping Laurence Davey turn
his turd of a restaurant.
The first thing I've
spotted is dog shit,
into a tourist hotspot.
Look at you.
- How are you?
- This week I'm back to
find if ego knows no bounds.
- Two or three of these
now would be nice.
- Oh, you're opening
another La Parra.
- [Laurence] I'd like to, yeah.
- Oh, fuck me.
That's some ambition when
you're serving
charcoal for desert.
We could be doing better.
He's stubborn as a mule.
- [Laurence] It's not black.
- [Gordon] You're fucking
defensive and your fucking ego--
- Listen, I'm gonna
defend my food.
- [Gordon] He stands me up.
And the sun's gone to his head.
A packet of crisps and
a bag of fruit gums,
Laurence, are you fucking mad?
- [Laurence] Why not?
- Fuckin' hell.
(soft dramatic music)
(upbeat music)
The Costa Del Sol, Spain.
For the first time I'm
abroad on a special mission
to rescue a failing
British run restaurant.
During the summer months,
thousands of Brits will
invade the
Mediterranean coastline
and spend their hard
earned cash.
(soft music)
And to cater for the masses,
more and more
British restaurants are
opening on the Costa.
Scampi and chips,
sausage and chips,
fish and chips,
barbecued chicken.
Fuck me.
Get it right here and you could
be sitting on a gold mine.
How many portions of chips
would you serve per week?
Roughly?
- Well we probably do in excess
of a hundred portions a day,
so seven or 800 a week.
- How are the chips?
- [Man] Very good.
- Yeah?
What would you do if I
banned chips from here?
- I would not be here at all.
- Would you not come?
- Probably not, no.
- This is English totally
and it's good English.
- [Gordon] Is there
anything on the Costa
that doesn't come with chips?
- One more steak garnish
please and a lamb shank.
I'll get that.
- [Gordon] One restaurant
owner who thought he'd spotted
a gap in the market is 26
year old Brit Laurence Davey.
18 months ago he borrowed
40 pounds from his dad
and opened La Parra de Burriana,
200 metres from the beach
in the coastal resort of Nerja.
- This restaurant has
great potential
to be very successful
and very popular
and it's in a great location,
but I've been doing it
for a year and a half now
and I haven't seen any
success whatsoever.
- [Gordon] Armed with his
catering degree
and a few years managing
night clubs and restaurants,
Laurence designed a
Mediterranean menu with a twist
to lure the Brits away
from their egg and chips.
- My particular favourite, king
prawns in garlic and ginger
and chilli served with
our signature
chocolate sauce on the side.
It's not very popular
which kind of proves
the adventurous side of
my customers.
- [Gordon] With the prawns in
chocolate sauce failing to win
round the Brits he lost 22
grand in his first year.
- I don't know whether I
went about it the wrong way
or whether people don't want it
or aren't ready for it,
I don't know.
- [Gordon] Since then
he's broadened his menu
to a massive 72 dishes,
cooking everything from Chinese
chicken to Turkish kebabs.
- I've even served chicken
nuggets and chips to an adult
and I absolutely hate it.
I really hate it.
- [Gordon] But with
takings down on last year
he'll be lucky to survive the
summer, let alone the winter.
I'm in Spain to stop La
Parra from going under.
Hello.
- Hi.
- How are you?
- Hi very well, how are you?
- Very well.
Laurence?
- Yes it is.
- Good to see you.
- And you.
- When did it start
going really quiet?
When did it?
- We suddenly snapped
about September last year.
It suddenly just went as if
a light was switched off.
And it was just, it just died.
Ever since then we've
been losing money.
- What did you know about a
restaurant before you opened it?
- I did my degree, I did
my own research--
- [Gordon] Not in terms
of, that's training.
- Sure, sure.
It was a nightclub in
Cheltenham and then became
restaurant manager of a
big restaurant in London
and that's when I really
said all right I'm doing it,
I'm doing really well.
I was succeeding in
everything in what I'm doing.
Why can't I do it for myself?
They need it, they
need me in Nerja.
They really need me to
do great stuff.
- And now you're 26?
- Yep.
- And in the fucking shit.
- Yep.
- How bad in shit?
- I'm 102,000 Euros in debt.
- 102,000 Euros?
- That's 75 grand?
- 75 yeah.
- So the noose is
really on your neck?
- I've either got to
make it here or go back
to London and pay
back my father.
- Fuck.
The signature dishes
are, what would you say?
- Signature dishes, we
do a great prawns dish
with a chocolate sauce,
which I've done from day one.
- Prawns with chocolate sauce?
- Prawns with
chocolate sauce yes.
So it's starter and
dessert at the same time?
Well fuck me that
sounds different.
(soft music)
Right, let's see what a
former night club manager
has to offer the Brits abroad.
Huge menu, extraordinary menu
and then different themes.
Flamenco.
Burger night.
Kebab Menu.
Chinese chicken or pork.
Confused.
I don't know what the
fuck's going on.
If I'd wanted a Chinese
I would have gone to one.
But I'm in Spain.
Let's hope Laurence's
signature dish of prawns
in chocolate sauce gives
me the flavour of the Med.
Cor dear.
It's worse than a
chocolate sauce.
It's hot over spicy
chilli chocolate sauce.
That's just stupid
arrogance really,
trying to match something
that's never gonna go.
If that's how Laurence
serves up fresh local prawns,
then I wonder what
he's got in store
for my fillet steak kebab.
- Well he's gone for the kebab
which is our wow factor dish
when you know it comes
out on the hook,
so I think he gets to see
that bit of what we do.
- Fuck me.
Is that how they're
always served?
Oh Jesus.
Fuck me.
It's the kind of thing
you imagine Jordan eating
with her fucking hands
behind her back.
Is someone taking the piss?
How can you expect
something like that
and that to be cooked at
the same time.
A fillet steak kebab.
It may not sound that exciting
but it should taste delicious.
And that in terms of
presentation
looks like a pile of shit.
If I thought my kebab
was overcooked,
that's nothing compared
to what's happening
to my creme Catalana.
What's all that smoke
coming out of the kitchen?
Is everything okay in there?
(mumbling)
- [Gordon] Is that my dessert?
- [Woman] It's just
when they burn the top.
- Burn the top?
- [Woman] Well not burn the top.
- It looks as though they've
burnt the kitchen down.
Fuck me.
Well it's certainly burnt,
it looks like a fucking
ice hockey puck.
Look at it.
(tapping softly)
It comes with an appointment
at the dentist tomorrow
morning at 9:30.
Fuck me.
It's liquid and it's ruined.
So while you're sat with
all these fresh ingredients
on your doorstep and
the climate they've got,
the simpler it is, the
better it's gonna be.
Unfortunately they've got
more complicated and trying
to be clever and completely
lost the fucking plot.
The first rule for running
a restaurant in Spain
is don't ruin good produce
with fancy gimmicks.
Good food will always
sell itself.
Laurence's novelty dishes
may have been designed
to turn heads, but all it's
done for me is turn my stomach.
The prawns, the flavour
of the prawns
was extraordinary, fresh,
vibrant.
Why do you want to fuck around
and put chocolate
sauce on there?
- Because I don't want to be
boring, I want to be exciting.
- I thought it was
fucking hideous.
It didn't work.
But then I came to this
fucking schlong, that kebab.
Have you actually ever
sat at the table
and watched six customers with
this fucking donkey's dick
swinging in front of their
face, it's hilarious.
- Well that is it, you
know it's a talking point,
it's a wow factor.
- That's a wow factor?
- [Laurence] Yes.
- It's a fillet steak.
- [Laurence] Yes.
It was tough as old boots.
I don't know.
Before you start fucking
mouthing
off, let me just show you.
A cube that big and a
cube that big
are not going to cook at
the same time.
- [Norm] That was my fault.
- Oh fuck me here we go.
Can I just finish a
sentence first Sinbad
and then you can fucking
come back on me in a minute.
That out there was embarrassing.
So it's painful, if it's
painful for me
and you're a 102,000
fucking Euros in the shit,
fuck knows how you
sleep at night.
- I don't.
You know I feel so shit
about the whole thing,
but deep down I really
want it to work,
I want my dream to come true.
You're in Spain.
You don't have to be that
fucking quirky to be good.
I'll see you in the morning.
I've certainly got my
work cut out.
I get the feeling nightclub boy
isn't going to give up his
novelty dishes without a fight.
Prawns in chocolate sauce.
Fuck me.
(soft upbeat music)
For the first time I'm
in Spain on a mission
to turn around a failing
British run restaurant.
Former nightclub and
restaurant manager
Laurence Davey came to
Nerja to conquer the Costa.
He thought his novelty
dishes of swinging kebabs
and prawns and chocolate
sauce would win over
the egg and chips loving Brits.
But the Brits aren't biting
and after sampling his
food I can see why.
Laurence thought he was
gonna come over to Spain
and take it by storm.
He opened up at 24 years of age
using his dad's fucking money.
He thought his balls were
bigger than the mountains
and he thought he
was gonna bring
a Mediterranean twist
with a difference.
He's got all the gimmicks
and he thinks by being simple
it's too plain for Spain,
but you'd never think
he's a 102,000 Euros in
fucking debt.
- Two chicken satay,
three pinchitas moranas,
one prawn cocktail.
- Tonight is my chance to see
how La Parra copes with
a full service.
With Laurence cooking
the a la carte
dishes alone in the
kitchen, his sous chef Norm
is grilling the kebabs and
steaks on the terrace barbecue.
- This goes up and down
so I can hire
or lower it according
to cooking temperatures.
- Fucking hell so it's a
very modern updated barbecue?
- Yes it's more like a
torture rack for food.
(soft music)
- A torture rack for
food, he's not joking.
- Now in my book, I think
that's well done now.
- Suffering on top of the
grill are 10 chicken kebabs
that have yet to be ordered.
Why do you cook them
so early on?
I've only just done them.
But they're cooked.
So they're not really
barbecued are they?
They're almost like poached.
- Well I seal them off,
poach them
and then finished them
on the barbecue again.
- [Gordon] Kebabs grilled,
poached, left sitting
in the heat, they're hardly
fresh off the barbecue.
But according to Norm
there's plenty
of life left in them yet.
- I usually use them
tomorrow for one day.
Are you out of your
fucking mind?
- No I was letting
myself go there
but I've told you the truth.
Don't you serve those to
the stray cats
after service tonight let
alone the fucking customers.
- Okay.
- Fucking hell.
Rule number two for running
a restaurant in Spain,
tourists might have
holiday insurance
but that doesn't mean you
can give them Spanish tummy.
When cooking on a
barbecue don't take risks.
And as night falls the
world of La Parra
becomes even darker.
Norm looks like he's
preparing for a wake
and after seeing his kebabs
I wouldn't be surprised.
It's like we're at fucking
midnight mass here,
you know that?
- I know, I know.
- [Gordon] What's that?
- That's the dynamo
torch isn't it?
Right see what's
going on here eh?
- Cooking by clockwork torch,
it doesn't get any more
Mickey Mouse than this.
And we need more
light down here.
- Sorry?
- A well done fillet.
- Well done fillet?
- Yeah.
- We haven't got that
sweetheart no.
- I ordered a fillet
steak about an hour ago
and it hasn't turned up yet.
I'm bloody starvin' hungry.
- The food may not be
Spanish but there's certainly
something manana about
manager Alex's service.
They've been sat there over
an hour for their main course.
He's cooking it and the
plates are in there.
This fragmented fucking service
is horrendous you know that?
Is it normal for customers
to wait this long?
- Afraid so yeah.
I can't go any quicker
than I'm going,
I'm going as quickly as
I possibly can.
It's not as if I'm not trying.
- He can try as hard
as he likes,
but no chef can cook 72
different dishes on his own.
To keep up with his orders,
Laurence has thrown everything
on to his plancha grill.
It doesn't get any
lazier than that
I mean he's depending
on that plancha grill
to cook everything from
fucking dorade,
to kebabs to chateaubriand
and then this fucking
lazy med veg.
That is the most disgusting way
I've ever seen fucking good
ingredients bastardised.
He may as well open a
fucking greasy spoon
and serve egg and chips, 'cause
that's fucking disgustin'.
(upbeat music)
It's day three and the
hard work starts here.
If I'm to stand any
chance of getting
La Parra out of the shit, this
place needs a fresh start.
Forks on the floor, glass
everywhere, cigarettes, chips.
Dog shit, fuck me.
(dog barking)
I've seen some unsavoury
things in my time.
Alex two seconds.
But dog shit in the dining
area is unforgivable.
The first thing I've
spotted is dog shit.
That's not good enough.
Are you happy with that?
- No I'm not happy with
that, it's disgusting.
- Rule number three,
running a restaurant
in Spain isn't a holiday.
There's a laid back attitude,
the fact that we're in
Spain so we can afford
To be semi casual because
we're dealing with tourists.
No are we fuck, we're
running a restaurant.
And thinking that it's good
to work in a dirty kitchen
or a dirty restaurant with
dog shit in, forget it.
If dog shit goes unnoticed,
then it's no surprise the
kitchen is dripping in grease.
Your fryers are used a lot yeah?
[Norm] Yes.
- There you go, that's what
you're cooking out of yeah?
- [Norm] Right.
- Every time you're
putting fresh oil in there,
it's making fuck all difference.
That's slodge.
With the restaurant having
a much needed deep clean,
there's something else I
want to clear up.
Last February Laurence put
on a Valentine's dinner
for the local donkey
sanctuary charity.
100 British ex pats paid
30 pound a head
for a fund raising meal.
Rumour has it Laurence
made a complete arse of it.
How bad did it go?
I mean was it a?
- It was a complete fuck up
it was an absolute disaster.
- [Gordon] In what way?
- The food was overcooked, dry,
tasteless.
- [Gordon] What was the menu?
- We did the chicken
liver parfait.
- [Gordon] Uh huh.
- Which wasn't made
until the morning
so it had no time to set.
A chicken dish wrapped
in Serrano ham,
baked in the oven
and the chicken
was so dry it was
like cardboard.
- [Gordon] Did you give
it to them on the house?
- No.
- [Gordon] You charged them?
- [Laurence] Yep.
- Fuckin' hell, no wonder
they haven't been back.
Rule number four, when you're
running a restaurant in Spain,
don't piss off the locals.
When the tourists have gone
home, the local ex pats
account for 80% of your
takings in the winter months.
Without them a British
restaurant
in Spain can't survive.
(speaking foreign language)
I'm heading into
hostile territory
to make peace with the natives.
I'm off to the local
donkey sanctuary
and hopefully after
meeting them I want to see
if there's any chance that
they'll actually come back
and give the restaurant
one more fucking chance.
All I know about donkey's
is they're stubborn.
This isn't gonna be easy.
I'm fascinated to get to
the bottom of what actually
happened on that fund raising
dinner in terms of big event.
- I mean not being funny
it was the sort of meal
that you're all
waiting the next day
to have a very nasty trip
into the toilet.
- [Gordon] What was the menu?
- Chicken stuffed with
banana, supposed to be served
with asparagus.
- Banana?
- [Woman] Yes.
- Banana and asparagus?
- [Woman] It wasn't a
very good combination.
- It was supposed to
be his signature dish.
- Not another one with a
fucking twist on there.
This became cancerous didn't it?
Because it spread like
wildfire across the town?
- [Woman] Oh yes, well
it's a small town.
- Actually he was quite
arrogant about the whole thing.
If he thinks he can survive
in a small town like this
with that attitude he's
got another thing coming.
- Have you been back since?
(laughing)
- No.
- [Gordon] Charging the
local charity for a bad meal
smacks of
unbelievable arrogance.
Laurence might have
come to Spain
to offer the Brits
something different
but so far all he's given them
is pretentious novelty food.
I'm gonna give him a
taste of his own medicine.
Have a taste of that, smell
first maybe and a little taste.
First up a chocolate and
prawn smoothie
based on Laurence's
signature dish.
What does that taste
of Laurence?
- Chocolate.
- Yeah you smell chocolate and
then it tastes like cookies.
- Cookies?
Taste that one again.
- No thanks, I think
it's fucking horrible.
- Okay.
Next a chicken and
banana smoothie
based on the dish he served at
the donkey sanctuary dinner.
- There's a texture in there
which is quite stringy.
- [Gordon] Stringy?
- It's a stringy texture.
- [Gordon] So banana and string?
- I don't know.
- Banana and something
horrible in it again.
- Blindfolds off.
The first one is fucking
prawns and chocolate.
Could you taste the prawn there?
- Well I knew there was
something in there
that was not very nice.
- You didn't get it?
What I'm trying to say is
you've got the best of prawns,
let them fucking taste of prawn.
Don't let them taste
of prawn and chocolate.
This is the most
painful smoothie
because it's a
chicken and banana
and it's the fucking,
the dish that managed
to piss off the locals
at the donkey
sanctuary's fucking
charitable event.
What the fuck were you
thinking about
putting banana and
chicken together?
Tell me so I can help you.
- Okay it was just a way
of using a south American
kind of influences, other
than roasted chicken.
- You didn't fucking tell me
the truth about the banana.
- No.
(soft music)
- It's not just mixing
prawns with chocolate
and chicken with banana
that's the problem,
it's the other 70 dishes
on Laurence's huge menu.
Sit down.
I want to replace it with
a dozen dishes
they can cook easily to
stop the tourists
waiting hours for their dinner.
Have you come to terms with
trying to restrict the menu?
- Every time I try to
think about it,
I think of the people
that have asked
for those particular items
and why I shouldn't
take them off.
I do get some
returning customers
so I must be doing
something right.
- Well where are these
fuckers then?
Because I've been here for
three nights on the trot
and I don't see the
fucking return business.
You've given me the impression
in such a short period
of time of knowing you
that I've got
a young man that's playing
with his dad's money
trying to fucking run
a restaurant.
That's the impression I get.
- Well I think that's
wrong because
I believe that what I'm
doing is right.
If I didn't I
wouldn't be doing it.
- I couldn't do this
fucking menu
on my own with 72
dishes on there.
Laurence is refusing to
reduce his huge menu but it's
the only way he'll ever
cope with a busy restaurant.
It's time to prove my point.
For tonight's service
I've devised
a three course
Mediterranean menu
that will fly out the kitchen
and get customers
served quickly.
A gazpacho soup, barbecued
chicken with a warm potato salad
and a roasted caramelised peach.
What's the twist?
- There is no twist.
- It's all fucking local.
That's it, there's no
twist there.
Tonight customers will order
from Laurence's a la carte menu
but when he falls behind
he'll switch to mine
and that will show him how
quick he can serve customers.
I just want him to have that
emergency menu at the forefront
of his mind, set his ego
apart, get that back in London
and for him to
concentrate on sort of
accomplishing a fully booked
service with no complaints.
- Got an order for
chocolate prawns.
- [Laurence] He said
you know earlier,
no one wants to buy
chocolate prawns,
he thinks it's shit,
a stupid idea,
first order that came in
chocolate prawns and carrot
soup.
So um.
(soft upbeat music)
It's 9:00 and the orders
from Laurence's huge menu
of 72 dishes are now
flooding in.
But it's already
starting to go wrong.
- It's medium.
- Look, look, it's raw
it's not pink, it's raw.
It's raw.
It's red raw.
All I want you to do is just
cook a fucking kebab properly.
- [Norm] Well that's
all I want to do.
- Yeah please.
Right are you in control?
Yeah?
- Yeah.
- I'm, not gonna taste that
yeah, but it looks burnt.
Laurence needs to push
the button now
and replace his menu
with my menu
if he's to avoid a repeat
of last night's fiasco.
You want to push the button?
- No.
- No, no, seriously.
- No.
- No, no seriously yeah.
Not yet, not yet.
- Are you sure?
- Yes.
- Yeah.
This is nothing to do
with your bollocks
and the size of your cock is it?
- No.
- Laurence's reluctance
to use my emergency menu
means it's customers who suffer.
- And if I'm dead honest
with you the lamb is,
everyone's saying the
lamb's bone dry,
it's appalling really.
Really is appalling.
- What happened to
that one there?
- [Norm] It was not hot
enough for them.
- That's not cooked, that's raw.
- But the complaint was
that it's cold.
- Yeah you know it's
cold because it's what?
Raw.
That's why.
When meals start coming back,
Laurence finally cracks.
Right you all right?
- [Laurence] Yeah.
- [Gordon] You are yes?
- Yeah I've called your menu in.
- [Gordon] You've
called it away?
- Yes.
- It's all done, all you
have to do is call it away,
hey and Norm was just gonna
put the fucking chicken
on the barbecue
nothing more yes?
Thank you for pushing the
fucking button.
Pushing out my emergency menu
should have been idiot proof
but they've left it too late.
And in the hands of dumb and
dumber, it descends into farce.
- This was like put in
25 minutes ago.
- Yeah and I'm still
trying to make it
'cause I've had to
send food out,
I can't stop start, stop start.
I'm doing my next order
which is two pork
kebabs and a chicken kebab.
- No don't I just asked you.
- Yeah I'm gonna rush it.
- Norm, Norm, Norm.
- [Norm] I'm looking
for the cloth Laurence.
- Oh come on Norm if there's
a time you need to pull
your finger out now, is
right now you know that, eh?
- I know.
I've got two pork
kebabs to make now.
- [Gordon] But why are
we serving pork kebabs
when we've got the
emergency menu on?
- I don't know, ask the waiter.
- Fuckin' hell.
There's little point in asking
restaurant manager Alex.
- Are you guys on top of stuff?
How are your tables?
Do I need to go to any
tables at all?
- [Gordon] He's so confused
as to who's ordered what,
he's now serving food to
tables with no one on them.
- They should be here,
but they're not here.
Right okay go back to
the kitchen.
- This place right now is the
biggest shit hole in Spain.
It's fuckin' embarrassing.
Costa Del Shit Hole
at it's best.
- It's the worst meal
we've ever had.
- Well it's quarter to
12 now and we got here
at half past nine and we've
just finished the main course,
so it has been a long wait.
(soft music)
- [Gordon] With customers
worn out from waiting,
meals being sent back and
now refunds being handed out.
Surely even Laurence
can see that by sticking
to his stupid menu, he's
only got himself to blame.
I'm speechless.
So I don't know what to say.
Let's get to the crux.
Laurence?
- I mean Norm was put under
far too much pressure tonight.
Your menu made him plate
up his own plates
and do the starters and
the cold soups out there
on the barbe and he
couldn't manage.
It slowed him down too much.
- You're telling me that my
menu fucked him up on the grill.
- He couldn't deal with it.
- Couldn't deal with what?
Putting the fucking
bowl of soup out
that was already made for him?
When are you guys going to stop
fuckin' around with excuses?
When's one of you gonna step
forward with a pair of bollocks
and give me some
fucking honesty?
Because I don't know
where you were
'cause that was
fucking shocking.
Let me tell you something, you
made a fucking good decision
you pushed the button.
Whether you like it or not
it was too fucking late.
An hour and a half late.
So whose fucking
fault is it now?
Chef.
I'm fucking out of here.
Fuck yourself!
- Well he wanted me to be honest
and I told him what I thought.
Yeah maybe I should have
lead with his whole menu,
but that's hindsight.
And in hindsight I
should never even
have done this fucking project.
(soft music)
- It's day five and there's
storm clouds over La Parra.
I've never felt as bad
about a restaurant
as I did last night and
when I walked out
I wasn't sure I'd be
coming back.
It's pissing down.
But just when I thought
things couldn't get any worse,
there was a break in
and nearly 4,000 pounds
was stolen from the
premises over night.
Morning.
- Morning Gordon, how you doing?
- Yeah fine.
Um, first of all sorry about
the news, fucking hell.
- Yeah it's not good.
- It's not good at all.
How much was it?
- Five and a half
thousand Euros.
- Five and a half
thousand Euros.
(dog barking)
- She's not happy either.
- Well she's not much of a
fucking guard dog is she?
Hey, and where's the safe?
It's not so much a safe as a
cash tin in a filing cabinet.
- [Laurence] They've left
the small notes,
they just took the big ones.
- Why would you leave five
and a half grand in there?
The most important rule for
any restaurant owner anywhere
in the world is always put
your takings in the bank.
Jesus Christ.
- I've got to think long
and hard whether
I can actually continue
without that money
and now that maybe the
clincher that you know
I won't be able to make it.
- It's not just a failing
restaurant I'm dealing with
but an owner about to
book his flight home.
If ever there was a
time for Laurence
to realise that I'm here
to help it's now.
You know it's your pride
that you've got to stop
fucking worrying about.
Because how fucking
proud are you gonna feel
at fucking Malaga airport
with your bags.
What are you gonna do?
I don't go through that
kind of bullshit
to fucking help turn a
restaurant around.
I can't do it without you.
(soft music)
I've only one more chance
to get through to Laurence
and get him listening to me.
You wouldn't go into a bull ring
without taking clear instruction
from someone who knows
what they're talking about.
Laurence.
Hola Raphael.
Listen to this man for the
next five minutes because
he's going to show you some
very, very crucial moves.
If Laurence continues to
ignore my advice,
he may lose his restaurant
but if he ignores Matador
Raphael he could lose his balls.
Big fucking test for Laurence
now he's got to stand
on his own two feet and show me
as the Spanish would
say your cojones.
Show me you've got a pair of
bollocks and fucking use them.
Have you got your cojones?
- [Laurence] Si.
- [Gordon] Yeah?
- [Raphael] No problemo.
- [Gordon] Where?
- Where?
Currently tucked up inside.
(upbeat music)
- Fucking hell.
Where's your cojones?
- Oh it's a fucking,
it's just a shit storm.
Don't think Spanish
bulls like me very much.
What am I doing?
Oh fucking hell that's
not a good sign.
- One thing he doesn't
need now is stubbornness.
Here we go.
Get off your arse.
Come on get up.
- I'm not doin' that.
- Come on, get out here,
come on.
With Laurence carefully
listening
to Raphael's expert advice
he starts to get the hang of it.
- I won one.
- You all right?
Rule number six, running
a restaurant in Spain
is a risky business, it
pays to listen
to some expert advice.
Fucking scary no?
- Yeah.
- How do you feel?
- I feel like your point's
been proven in a very big way.
- You have a big
pair of cojones.
Now just fucking use them.
Well done, get some water.
Fuckin' hell.
(soft music)
Now I've got Laurence listening
I need to get him cooking
like a proper chef.
Every night Laurence
cooks everything
on this plancha grill
to save time.
As a result it all
tastes the same.
Fishy meat and meaty veg.
I'm going to show
Laurence that in the time
it takes him to cook a whole
sea bream on his grill,
he could fillet it, fry it
and make a simple
Mediterranean sauce.
What I'm trying to do Laurence
is make your life fucking
easier you know that.
And whilst I'm still
waiting for yours
I'm just gutting an orange,
a lemon,
a pink grapefruit, fresh basil.
Are you cooked yet?
- [Laurence] Almost.
- Out and on.
Now I'm not trying to be
some jumped up
fucking smarmy arsed
little fucker,
I'm just trying to
explain you're busting
your bollocks the
wrong way round.
I know which one you
can do ten times quicker
and a 1000 times better.
Don't be scared to use a pan.
- He's drilled into my
pride and you know
my arrogance has really
shown through
and I've been a bit of an arse
about it and a bit stubborn.
And you know I'm really
now excited that he's here
and I really want to learn
and get this place moving.
- The penny might have dropped
but now I've only got two
days to put things right.
Out with the old, in with the
new, fucking bin them, yeah?
We're short of coal tonight.
With Laurence finally
letting go of his huge menu,
it's time for a new beginning.
In its place I've
created a small
Mediterranean menu using
local produce.
Five starters including
figs and Cyrano ham
and water melon with feta cheese
and six mains including
a pan fried sea bream
and a barbecued chicken
on a warm potato salad.
- Actually cooking properly
feels absolutely fantastic.
At last.
Limited menu, fresh
ingredients, absolutely amazing.
- [Gordon] The menu
will offer Brits
something authentic fresh and
above all quick to prepare.
And reducing 72 dishes to 15,
service couldn't be any simpler
for restaurant manager Alex.
- Got the menus?
- [Gordon] Okay so what
about this table here?
8:30 booking.
- I've just taken
their order now.
- Okay good, okay let's go yeah?
The menu's simpler.
A lot easier.
We can do volume now.
Now we've got a chance to
put the fucking thing right.
It's my final night and
it's the relaunch
of La Parra's new menu.
I've only got one shot at this
and I can't afford any mistakes.
Changing you tonight, yeah?
You're coming off that barbecue.
Yeah I want you connected
to the owner as a sous chef.
That's my decision and I'm
sticking to it.
I'm putting sous chef
Norm in the kitchen
prepping cold starters.
And pot washer Tom will take
his place on the barbecue.
It's a gamble but I'm confident
Tom will send the
meat out cooked.
All you have to do is take
the chicken off the barbecue
and put it onto the
plate and send it yeah?
- [Tom] Sure.
- [Gordon] Good.
- There you go sir.
- This evening isn't just
about launching a new menu,
it's about Laurence
regaining his reputation
with the British ex
pat community.
Six months ago he hosted
a fund raising dinner
for the local donkey sanctuary,
serving frozen starters and
chicken stuffed with banana,
it was a fiasco.
Tonight I've convinced
them to come back.
- It's very nerve
wracking having them here
because I know how much
I upset them last time
and I know how much
distaste they have
for the restaurant in general.
- Right donkey sanctuary
just sat down yes?
- [Laurence] Yes okay we're
on their starters now.
- Treat that table
like a time bomb.
The starters arrive for
the donkey sanctuary,
but just when I thought
it was all going to plan,
Alex has forgotten to
serve the wine.
How can you put the
starters down
without the serving the wine?
Of all tables.
Come on.
At 9:00 the restaurants
full but bizarrely
there's a backlog of
people waiting for tables.
It's Alex's responsibility
to get them seated,
but he's flapping around
like a headless chicken.
What's going on with
these fucking tables
waiting in the bar for so long?
Table six?
- Table six, yeah I
double booked it you see,
at the start of the night
and I had to tell them that,
you know we need to have
the table back.
- Who do you tell you need
the table back?
The customer?
- The customer yes.
- What about the
fucking kitchen?
They need to know first,
because they've got to cook it.
So move your arse.
Alex has simply got
greedy in thinking
they can turn tables
around in an hour.
As a result people
are turning up
for their reservations,
but have nowhere to sit
and in the kitchen
Laurence is now struggling
with a backlog of orders.
The donkey's at the your table.
On top of all that, Alex
has now gone into melt down.
Alex get a grip.
Alex, you can do it Alex.
- Just do it.
- I know.
- You can fucking do it.
We're waiting on you.
- I know you're waiting on me
and I really appreciate this.
- This is fucking critical.
Fucking hell.
Go.
Come on Alex please.
- We waited for 40
for a starter,
then sat with dirty
plates for 45 minutes
and then we were asked to
leave the table
because the next lot of
guests arrived.
- Five plates yeah, one,
two, three, four, five.
- [Gordon] Although under
pressure, Laurence is at least
coping with my reduced menu.
- You've got three Cyrano
and three water melon yeah?
Finish those off in a minute
as soon as I get these out.
- [Gordon] I can only be
grateful that Laurence
got the donkey sanctuary
main courses out
before the shit hit the fan.
- The food is
actually very good.
I think everybody's quite
pleased with the food.
- If he can come up
with this sort of deal,
yes we'll be back again.
- Yes but the service
leaves quite a little bit
to be desired I think.
A lot more work on the service.
- It's the end of the evening
and Laurence's cooking has
been a success.
But Alex's double booking
madness has let everyone down.
We were so close Alex.
So close.
You can do better.
- I know I can do better.
- You can do better.
- I know I can do better.
- Turn round and tell him
that he's paying your salary.
Fucking tough night, a
real tough night.
87 covers and it was a struggle
and the service was
fucking pretty dismal.
However the donkey
sanctuary have confirmed
they're gonna come back.
That speaks volumes.
That means the local community
are now back on their side.
And quite frankly you can't
ask for a more crucial time
for them to support it because
we're just about to come
out of the summer season
and into the fucking winter.
And without their support they
won't get through the winter.
(soft music)
In six days I've finally
seen a change at La Parra,
but once I've gone,
Laurence has only four weeks
until the end of the
season to make the money
that will help him
survive the winter.
Remember, do not cut corners,
don't make a fucking
ass of yourself.
That's gone.
That has fucking gone.
Goodbye.
- Bye.
- I only hope La Parra's doors
will still be open
when I return.
(upbeat music)
Last time I was in Spain La
Parra was a bloody nightmare.
I left them a Mediterranean menu
that should have seen
them through the winter,
but if anyone could mess it
up, it was Laurence and Alex.
Now I'm back, I'm dying to see
if the fucking place
is still open.
La Parra is open and it's busy.
Fuck me.
Look at you.
- Hi are you all right.
- I'm well are you well.
- Yeah, very well, very well.
- Good to see you.
- [Laurence] And you.
- How's it been?
- It's been very very good.
On average about 50% up,
sometimes double each month.
- Really?
Congratulations.
- Thank you very much.
What a turn around.
Laurence was losing
22,000 pounds a year,
but with the ex pats propping
up their winter trade,
he's pulled in a 33
grand profit.
They're all the positives,
what are the negatives?
- I haven't expanded yet.
- [Gordon] Is that
what's on the cards?
- Hope so yeah.
- Already?
- Yeah.
Two or three of these now
would be nice.
- That's great news,
providing this one's
working perfectly yeah,
definitely.
A second restaurant?
This one has a lot
to live up to.
Laurence's new menu has
no stupid twists.
But I'm in Spain, so I'm
dying for something native.
There doesn't seem to be much
Spanish influence going on.
Good to see you.
- You too mate.
- When I left the
menu was bursting
with local vibrant flavours
but now I'm faced with
Italian pasta
and that old Spanish classic,
bread & butter pudding.
Bread & butter puddings.
- Bread and butter
pudding nice one.
Oh, we get so many compliments
on that it's delicious, yeah.
- Alex has a new team in
place for the summer season.
Norm and Tom have moved on
and the service has improved.
But the food hasn't.
These kind of things you'd
expect absolutely perfect
and they're not, the
pasta is like mush,
almost like a puree.
I wouldn't serve it to a baby.
Not good, greasy, way overcooked
and fucking tasteless.
If these boys want to
open another restaurant,
they're having a laugh.
Specialty of the house is
still cremated deserts.
Burnt bread & butter
pudding at the bottom.
You'd think a year
down the line,
we could be doing better.
Where is he?
- [Alex] Kitchen.
- Right.
I came really thinking the
place was gonna be closed,
arrived it's open, busy
and I'm so fucking happy.
But now unfortunately not
very happy with the food.
I looked at the menu and
I thought fuck,
there's nothing authentic,
nothing Spanish.
The pasta was absolutely
shocking, cooked to fuck.
Why is it so mush?
Truthfully now.
- If I cook it ala dente
I get more sent back.
- You get it sent back?
- Most of my customers
like it overcooked.
- Laurence come on, fuckin'
hell.
I'm not gonna fucking
listen to you
tellin' that overcooked pasta
is what they want in Spain.
Come on.
Why and it's perfect
that it's here,
why is my bread & butter pudding
fucking black on the bottom?
You're not gonna tell me
that's what they want as
well now surely?
- You're lying, it's not black.
- You're fucking defensive
and your fucking ego.
- I'm gonna defend my food.
You think I'm just
gonna sit here
and go yeah, it's all burnt,
sorry shit.
I'm not gonna do that.
- I'm being honest.
- Right and I'm being honest.
There's a customer
here that says
it's the best bread &
butter she's ever had.
- Mine was full of burnt
fucking raisins.
Just have a little
taste of that.
- Okay, no.
- No, no, no, no, no, I
love the way you.
- I don't have to.
- No I want you to taste
it, you taste that.
I'll eat it with you.
Laurence still can't
admit when he's wrong,
and I can't stomach bullshit.
He soon confesses that
while the evenings are busy,
lunchtime trade is dead.
We should be busy for lunch.
- We should be yeah.
We've tried our hardest.
The past few months we've
been open every lunchtime
and it just hasn't worked,
it hasn't kicked off at all.
Everyone wants to be
on the beach.
- You've got ambitions of
opening another restaurants,
but five years fully
booked every fucking day
before I opened my
second restaurant
to make sure that we were
fucking solid,
customers are happy and
we were doing it right.
This is so frustrating.
Rule seven of running
a restaurant,
is don't get ahead of yourself.
Only when restaurant
one is perfect
can a second be considered.
I've only got a few hours
tomorrow 'til I fly home,
so I'll have to work fast.
It'll be nice to get
everybody here for 9:00.
- 11:30.
- 9:00.
Fucking hell.
Unbelievable.
Goodnight my darling,
goodnight princess.
I love ambition absolutely
fucking love it.
But in this game, you've
gotta fucking walk
before you can run and
think about it,
a chain of La Parra's?
Fuck me.
I'm back at La Parra on
the Costa Del Sol
owner Laurence wants to
open a second restaurant
but he's not perfected
his first one yet.
His lunchtime trade is dead.
I've only got a few hours
'til my plane leaves,
so I'm gonna speak to
the Brits myself
and find out what they
really want to eat
when in sunny Spain.
When you come to Spain yeah,
what do you enjoy
eating the most?
- Spanish food.
- [Woman] Sardines.
- [Gordon] Sardines?
- Yeah barbecued on
the beach there.
- Fish and chicken.
- Prawns.
- Prawns.
- Big prawns.
- Penne pasta?
- Not really, no.
- Spanish food.
- Spanish food, that's why
you look so fit and healthy.
Have a great holiday.
- Thank you.
- Thank you ladies.
(upbeat music)
It's clear what the Brits want,
a real flavour of Spain and
I'm dying to get stuck in.
Unfuckin' believable.
9:00 in the morning,
busy day today
and not one member
of staff here.
Only in fucking Spain.
(soft upbeat music)
Good afternoon.
- Good morning.
- Finally I asked them to be
here at 9:00 it's nearer 10.
Late.
- I'm on time
- On time?
- Spanish.
- Spanish?
Bollocks.
Absolute bollocks
Lunchtime trade was
never gonna pick up
by replacing my
Spanish infused menu
with dishes that just
aren't native.
I can't wait to hear
their other ideas.
- We're probs do
takeaway lunches
- A Packet of crisps
and a bag of fruit gums?
You're having a fucking
laugh aren't you?
Fruit gums?
- Home made.
- Laurence are you fucking mad?
- [Laurence] Why not?
- Fuckin' hell.
Fruit gums, mushy pasta
I have to show Laurence
he's got the wrong idea about
what his customers want.
(upbeat music)
I'm challenging Laurence
to a cook up on the beach
in front of all the tourists.
Pasta versus paella,
with only the most
popular dish going on the
lunchtime menu.
You got your speedo's?
It'll drum up good
publicity for La Parra
and remind Laurence what
the Brits are hungry for.
His tasteless penne or my
authentic Spanish paella?
A recipe he needs to learn.
First thing what would
you put in there?
- [Laurence] Onions, garlic.
- Chorizo.
It gives that really nice
golden colour.
With onions garlic and
chicken in, the smokey aroma
will have every mouth
on the beach watering.
In go red peppers saffron
and Spanish sherry vinegar.
It gives it that sort of depth,
it brings out the
flavour of chicken
so just round the outside.
So rice in.
Nice.
In go local prawns and stock.
Add fresh squid, clams
and let the flavours
of Spain fuse together.
Wow, that looks and
smells fantastic.
Thank you.
Let's have a little taste.
See that nice dark rich colour?
Fuckin' delicious.
Sorry.
(giggling)
Don't swear in front
of the girls.
The paella's nearly ready.
Laurence just needs to
fry up his ropey penne.
Penne pasta cooked al dente.
- [Laurence] Good, excellent.
- And we'll see which
dish the tourist prefer.
- Are you hungry?
- [All] Yeah!
- Good, bloody hell.
Christ almighty.
There you are my darling.
Sorry.
(mumbling)
Take some pasta as well, yes?
As I thought the Brits
are going locum
for proper Spanish paella.
- Best paella we've had.
Delicious.
- [Gordon] And Laurence's dreary
pasta is coming in second.
- We can have this (mumbling).
- They're in Spain, so paella
is the preference isn't it?
- Laurence has realised
what his customers want
and now he can push for
some bookings.
Would you walk 200 metres
to get a paella like that?
- Yes.
Definitely.
- Good.
I'll see you for lunch tomorrow.
Now you're in Spain, would
you come for a bowl of pasta
or would you come for a paella?
- [All] Paella.
- Why wouldn't you
come for pasta?
- Because we get that in Italy.
- Exactly.
See.
So there's the next restaurant
you're gonna open up in Italy,
yes?
- Do pasta there.
- Pasta there.
(soft upbeat music)
Back at the ranch, we've 30
bookings for a late lunch,
the flavour of Spain is
back on the menu.
- [Woman] Paella.
- But I have a little forfeit
up sleeve for Laurence.
Laurence and I had a
competition today on the beach,
sadly Laurence lost.
And part of losing the challenge
is that he's now gotta come up
here and have a little dance.
Come here.
Ladies please.
Now.
(upbeat music)
- Shit.
You're an asshole Gordon,
you're an absolute asshole.
- Ladies and gentlemen,
Laurence.
(upbeat music)
- Now that Laurence has
regained that flavour of Spain,
he can start thinking about
your second restaurant.
The first one has to be perfect.
He has the perfect Paella.
So the sky's the limit.
(upbeat music)
- Come on, come on, come on,
come on.
(laughing)
(upbeat music)
(laughing)
(cheering)
Well done buddy, well done.
week in Spain at La Parra,
helping Laurence Davey turn
his turd of a restaurant.
The first thing I've
spotted is dog shit,
into a tourist hotspot.
Look at you.
- How are you?
- This week I'm back to
find if ego knows no bounds.
- Two or three of these
now would be nice.
- Oh, you're opening
another La Parra.
- [Laurence] I'd like to, yeah.
- Oh, fuck me.
That's some ambition when
you're serving
charcoal for desert.
We could be doing better.
He's stubborn as a mule.
- [Laurence] It's not black.
- [Gordon] You're fucking
defensive and your fucking ego--
- Listen, I'm gonna
defend my food.
- [Gordon] He stands me up.
And the sun's gone to his head.
A packet of crisps and
a bag of fruit gums,
Laurence, are you fucking mad?
- [Laurence] Why not?
- Fuckin' hell.
(soft dramatic music)
(upbeat music)
The Costa Del Sol, Spain.
For the first time I'm
abroad on a special mission
to rescue a failing
British run restaurant.
During the summer months,
thousands of Brits will
invade the
Mediterranean coastline
and spend their hard
earned cash.
(soft music)
And to cater for the masses,
more and more
British restaurants are
opening on the Costa.
Scampi and chips,
sausage and chips,
fish and chips,
barbecued chicken.
Fuck me.
Get it right here and you could
be sitting on a gold mine.
How many portions of chips
would you serve per week?
Roughly?
- Well we probably do in excess
of a hundred portions a day,
so seven or 800 a week.
- How are the chips?
- [Man] Very good.
- Yeah?
What would you do if I
banned chips from here?
- I would not be here at all.
- Would you not come?
- Probably not, no.
- This is English totally
and it's good English.
- [Gordon] Is there
anything on the Costa
that doesn't come with chips?
- One more steak garnish
please and a lamb shank.
I'll get that.
- [Gordon] One restaurant
owner who thought he'd spotted
a gap in the market is 26
year old Brit Laurence Davey.
18 months ago he borrowed
40 pounds from his dad
and opened La Parra de Burriana,
200 metres from the beach
in the coastal resort of Nerja.
- This restaurant has
great potential
to be very successful
and very popular
and it's in a great location,
but I've been doing it
for a year and a half now
and I haven't seen any
success whatsoever.
- [Gordon] Armed with his
catering degree
and a few years managing
night clubs and restaurants,
Laurence designed a
Mediterranean menu with a twist
to lure the Brits away
from their egg and chips.
- My particular favourite, king
prawns in garlic and ginger
and chilli served with
our signature
chocolate sauce on the side.
It's not very popular
which kind of proves
the adventurous side of
my customers.
- [Gordon] With the prawns in
chocolate sauce failing to win
round the Brits he lost 22
grand in his first year.
- I don't know whether I
went about it the wrong way
or whether people don't want it
or aren't ready for it,
I don't know.
- [Gordon] Since then
he's broadened his menu
to a massive 72 dishes,
cooking everything from Chinese
chicken to Turkish kebabs.
- I've even served chicken
nuggets and chips to an adult
and I absolutely hate it.
I really hate it.
- [Gordon] But with
takings down on last year
he'll be lucky to survive the
summer, let alone the winter.
I'm in Spain to stop La
Parra from going under.
Hello.
- Hi.
- How are you?
- Hi very well, how are you?
- Very well.
Laurence?
- Yes it is.
- Good to see you.
- And you.
- When did it start
going really quiet?
When did it?
- We suddenly snapped
about September last year.
It suddenly just went as if
a light was switched off.
And it was just, it just died.
Ever since then we've
been losing money.
- What did you know about a
restaurant before you opened it?
- I did my degree, I did
my own research--
- [Gordon] Not in terms
of, that's training.
- Sure, sure.
It was a nightclub in
Cheltenham and then became
restaurant manager of a
big restaurant in London
and that's when I really
said all right I'm doing it,
I'm doing really well.
I was succeeding in
everything in what I'm doing.
Why can't I do it for myself?
They need it, they
need me in Nerja.
They really need me to
do great stuff.
- And now you're 26?
- Yep.
- And in the fucking shit.
- Yep.
- How bad in shit?
- I'm 102,000 Euros in debt.
- 102,000 Euros?
- That's 75 grand?
- 75 yeah.
- So the noose is
really on your neck?
- I've either got to
make it here or go back
to London and pay
back my father.
- Fuck.
The signature dishes
are, what would you say?
- Signature dishes, we
do a great prawns dish
with a chocolate sauce,
which I've done from day one.
- Prawns with chocolate sauce?
- Prawns with
chocolate sauce yes.
So it's starter and
dessert at the same time?
Well fuck me that
sounds different.
(soft music)
Right, let's see what a
former night club manager
has to offer the Brits abroad.
Huge menu, extraordinary menu
and then different themes.
Flamenco.
Burger night.
Kebab Menu.
Chinese chicken or pork.
Confused.
I don't know what the
fuck's going on.
If I'd wanted a Chinese
I would have gone to one.
But I'm in Spain.
Let's hope Laurence's
signature dish of prawns
in chocolate sauce gives
me the flavour of the Med.
Cor dear.
It's worse than a
chocolate sauce.
It's hot over spicy
chilli chocolate sauce.
That's just stupid
arrogance really,
trying to match something
that's never gonna go.
If that's how Laurence
serves up fresh local prawns,
then I wonder what
he's got in store
for my fillet steak kebab.
- Well he's gone for the kebab
which is our wow factor dish
when you know it comes
out on the hook,
so I think he gets to see
that bit of what we do.
- Fuck me.
Is that how they're
always served?
Oh Jesus.
Fuck me.
It's the kind of thing
you imagine Jordan eating
with her fucking hands
behind her back.
Is someone taking the piss?
How can you expect
something like that
and that to be cooked at
the same time.
A fillet steak kebab.
It may not sound that exciting
but it should taste delicious.
And that in terms of
presentation
looks like a pile of shit.
If I thought my kebab
was overcooked,
that's nothing compared
to what's happening
to my creme Catalana.
What's all that smoke
coming out of the kitchen?
Is everything okay in there?
(mumbling)
- [Gordon] Is that my dessert?
- [Woman] It's just
when they burn the top.
- Burn the top?
- [Woman] Well not burn the top.
- It looks as though they've
burnt the kitchen down.
Fuck me.
Well it's certainly burnt,
it looks like a fucking
ice hockey puck.
Look at it.
(tapping softly)
It comes with an appointment
at the dentist tomorrow
morning at 9:30.
Fuck me.
It's liquid and it's ruined.
So while you're sat with
all these fresh ingredients
on your doorstep and
the climate they've got,
the simpler it is, the
better it's gonna be.
Unfortunately they've got
more complicated and trying
to be clever and completely
lost the fucking plot.
The first rule for running
a restaurant in Spain
is don't ruin good produce
with fancy gimmicks.
Good food will always
sell itself.
Laurence's novelty dishes
may have been designed
to turn heads, but all it's
done for me is turn my stomach.
The prawns, the flavour
of the prawns
was extraordinary, fresh,
vibrant.
Why do you want to fuck around
and put chocolate
sauce on there?
- Because I don't want to be
boring, I want to be exciting.
- I thought it was
fucking hideous.
It didn't work.
But then I came to this
fucking schlong, that kebab.
Have you actually ever
sat at the table
and watched six customers with
this fucking donkey's dick
swinging in front of their
face, it's hilarious.
- Well that is it, you
know it's a talking point,
it's a wow factor.
- That's a wow factor?
- [Laurence] Yes.
- It's a fillet steak.
- [Laurence] Yes.
It was tough as old boots.
I don't know.
Before you start fucking
mouthing
off, let me just show you.
A cube that big and a
cube that big
are not going to cook at
the same time.
- [Norm] That was my fault.
- Oh fuck me here we go.
Can I just finish a
sentence first Sinbad
and then you can fucking
come back on me in a minute.
That out there was embarrassing.
So it's painful, if it's
painful for me
and you're a 102,000
fucking Euros in the shit,
fuck knows how you
sleep at night.
- I don't.
You know I feel so shit
about the whole thing,
but deep down I really
want it to work,
I want my dream to come true.
You're in Spain.
You don't have to be that
fucking quirky to be good.
I'll see you in the morning.
I've certainly got my
work cut out.
I get the feeling nightclub boy
isn't going to give up his
novelty dishes without a fight.
Prawns in chocolate sauce.
Fuck me.
(soft upbeat music)
For the first time I'm
in Spain on a mission
to turn around a failing
British run restaurant.
Former nightclub and
restaurant manager
Laurence Davey came to
Nerja to conquer the Costa.
He thought his novelty
dishes of swinging kebabs
and prawns and chocolate
sauce would win over
the egg and chips loving Brits.
But the Brits aren't biting
and after sampling his
food I can see why.
Laurence thought he was
gonna come over to Spain
and take it by storm.
He opened up at 24 years of age
using his dad's fucking money.
He thought his balls were
bigger than the mountains
and he thought he
was gonna bring
a Mediterranean twist
with a difference.
He's got all the gimmicks
and he thinks by being simple
it's too plain for Spain,
but you'd never think
he's a 102,000 Euros in
fucking debt.
- Two chicken satay,
three pinchitas moranas,
one prawn cocktail.
- Tonight is my chance to see
how La Parra copes with
a full service.
With Laurence cooking
the a la carte
dishes alone in the
kitchen, his sous chef Norm
is grilling the kebabs and
steaks on the terrace barbecue.
- This goes up and down
so I can hire
or lower it according
to cooking temperatures.
- Fucking hell so it's a
very modern updated barbecue?
- Yes it's more like a
torture rack for food.
(soft music)
- A torture rack for
food, he's not joking.
- Now in my book, I think
that's well done now.
- Suffering on top of the
grill are 10 chicken kebabs
that have yet to be ordered.
Why do you cook them
so early on?
I've only just done them.
But they're cooked.
So they're not really
barbecued are they?
They're almost like poached.
- Well I seal them off,
poach them
and then finished them
on the barbecue again.
- [Gordon] Kebabs grilled,
poached, left sitting
in the heat, they're hardly
fresh off the barbecue.
But according to Norm
there's plenty
of life left in them yet.
- I usually use them
tomorrow for one day.
Are you out of your
fucking mind?
- No I was letting
myself go there
but I've told you the truth.
Don't you serve those to
the stray cats
after service tonight let
alone the fucking customers.
- Okay.
- Fucking hell.
Rule number two for running
a restaurant in Spain,
tourists might have
holiday insurance
but that doesn't mean you
can give them Spanish tummy.
When cooking on a
barbecue don't take risks.
And as night falls the
world of La Parra
becomes even darker.
Norm looks like he's
preparing for a wake
and after seeing his kebabs
I wouldn't be surprised.
It's like we're at fucking
midnight mass here,
you know that?
- I know, I know.
- [Gordon] What's that?
- That's the dynamo
torch isn't it?
Right see what's
going on here eh?
- Cooking by clockwork torch,
it doesn't get any more
Mickey Mouse than this.
And we need more
light down here.
- Sorry?
- A well done fillet.
- Well done fillet?
- Yeah.
- We haven't got that
sweetheart no.
- I ordered a fillet
steak about an hour ago
and it hasn't turned up yet.
I'm bloody starvin' hungry.
- The food may not be
Spanish but there's certainly
something manana about
manager Alex's service.
They've been sat there over
an hour for their main course.
He's cooking it and the
plates are in there.
This fragmented fucking service
is horrendous you know that?
Is it normal for customers
to wait this long?
- Afraid so yeah.
I can't go any quicker
than I'm going,
I'm going as quickly as
I possibly can.
It's not as if I'm not trying.
- He can try as hard
as he likes,
but no chef can cook 72
different dishes on his own.
To keep up with his orders,
Laurence has thrown everything
on to his plancha grill.
It doesn't get any
lazier than that
I mean he's depending
on that plancha grill
to cook everything from
fucking dorade,
to kebabs to chateaubriand
and then this fucking
lazy med veg.
That is the most disgusting way
I've ever seen fucking good
ingredients bastardised.
He may as well open a
fucking greasy spoon
and serve egg and chips, 'cause
that's fucking disgustin'.
(upbeat music)
It's day three and the
hard work starts here.
If I'm to stand any
chance of getting
La Parra out of the shit, this
place needs a fresh start.
Forks on the floor, glass
everywhere, cigarettes, chips.
Dog shit, fuck me.
(dog barking)
I've seen some unsavoury
things in my time.
Alex two seconds.
But dog shit in the dining
area is unforgivable.
The first thing I've
spotted is dog shit.
That's not good enough.
Are you happy with that?
- No I'm not happy with
that, it's disgusting.
- Rule number three,
running a restaurant
in Spain isn't a holiday.
There's a laid back attitude,
the fact that we're in
Spain so we can afford
To be semi casual because
we're dealing with tourists.
No are we fuck, we're
running a restaurant.
And thinking that it's good
to work in a dirty kitchen
or a dirty restaurant with
dog shit in, forget it.
If dog shit goes unnoticed,
then it's no surprise the
kitchen is dripping in grease.
Your fryers are used a lot yeah?
[Norm] Yes.
- There you go, that's what
you're cooking out of yeah?
- [Norm] Right.
- Every time you're
putting fresh oil in there,
it's making fuck all difference.
That's slodge.
With the restaurant having
a much needed deep clean,
there's something else I
want to clear up.
Last February Laurence put
on a Valentine's dinner
for the local donkey
sanctuary charity.
100 British ex pats paid
30 pound a head
for a fund raising meal.
Rumour has it Laurence
made a complete arse of it.
How bad did it go?
I mean was it a?
- It was a complete fuck up
it was an absolute disaster.
- [Gordon] In what way?
- The food was overcooked, dry,
tasteless.
- [Gordon] What was the menu?
- We did the chicken
liver parfait.
- [Gordon] Uh huh.
- Which wasn't made
until the morning
so it had no time to set.
A chicken dish wrapped
in Serrano ham,
baked in the oven
and the chicken
was so dry it was
like cardboard.
- [Gordon] Did you give
it to them on the house?
- No.
- [Gordon] You charged them?
- [Laurence] Yep.
- Fuckin' hell, no wonder
they haven't been back.
Rule number four, when you're
running a restaurant in Spain,
don't piss off the locals.
When the tourists have gone
home, the local ex pats
account for 80% of your
takings in the winter months.
Without them a British
restaurant
in Spain can't survive.
(speaking foreign language)
I'm heading into
hostile territory
to make peace with the natives.
I'm off to the local
donkey sanctuary
and hopefully after
meeting them I want to see
if there's any chance that
they'll actually come back
and give the restaurant
one more fucking chance.
All I know about donkey's
is they're stubborn.
This isn't gonna be easy.
I'm fascinated to get to
the bottom of what actually
happened on that fund raising
dinner in terms of big event.
- I mean not being funny
it was the sort of meal
that you're all
waiting the next day
to have a very nasty trip
into the toilet.
- [Gordon] What was the menu?
- Chicken stuffed with
banana, supposed to be served
with asparagus.
- Banana?
- [Woman] Yes.
- Banana and asparagus?
- [Woman] It wasn't a
very good combination.
- It was supposed to
be his signature dish.
- Not another one with a
fucking twist on there.
This became cancerous didn't it?
Because it spread like
wildfire across the town?
- [Woman] Oh yes, well
it's a small town.
- Actually he was quite
arrogant about the whole thing.
If he thinks he can survive
in a small town like this
with that attitude he's
got another thing coming.
- Have you been back since?
(laughing)
- No.
- [Gordon] Charging the
local charity for a bad meal
smacks of
unbelievable arrogance.
Laurence might have
come to Spain
to offer the Brits
something different
but so far all he's given them
is pretentious novelty food.
I'm gonna give him a
taste of his own medicine.
Have a taste of that, smell
first maybe and a little taste.
First up a chocolate and
prawn smoothie
based on Laurence's
signature dish.
What does that taste
of Laurence?
- Chocolate.
- Yeah you smell chocolate and
then it tastes like cookies.
- Cookies?
Taste that one again.
- No thanks, I think
it's fucking horrible.
- Okay.
Next a chicken and
banana smoothie
based on the dish he served at
the donkey sanctuary dinner.
- There's a texture in there
which is quite stringy.
- [Gordon] Stringy?
- It's a stringy texture.
- [Gordon] So banana and string?
- I don't know.
- Banana and something
horrible in it again.
- Blindfolds off.
The first one is fucking
prawns and chocolate.
Could you taste the prawn there?
- Well I knew there was
something in there
that was not very nice.
- You didn't get it?
What I'm trying to say is
you've got the best of prawns,
let them fucking taste of prawn.
Don't let them taste
of prawn and chocolate.
This is the most
painful smoothie
because it's a
chicken and banana
and it's the fucking,
the dish that managed
to piss off the locals
at the donkey
sanctuary's fucking
charitable event.
What the fuck were you
thinking about
putting banana and
chicken together?
Tell me so I can help you.
- Okay it was just a way
of using a south American
kind of influences, other
than roasted chicken.
- You didn't fucking tell me
the truth about the banana.
- No.
(soft music)
- It's not just mixing
prawns with chocolate
and chicken with banana
that's the problem,
it's the other 70 dishes
on Laurence's huge menu.
Sit down.
I want to replace it with
a dozen dishes
they can cook easily to
stop the tourists
waiting hours for their dinner.
Have you come to terms with
trying to restrict the menu?
- Every time I try to
think about it,
I think of the people
that have asked
for those particular items
and why I shouldn't
take them off.
I do get some
returning customers
so I must be doing
something right.
- Well where are these
fuckers then?
Because I've been here for
three nights on the trot
and I don't see the
fucking return business.
You've given me the impression
in such a short period
of time of knowing you
that I've got
a young man that's playing
with his dad's money
trying to fucking run
a restaurant.
That's the impression I get.
- Well I think that's
wrong because
I believe that what I'm
doing is right.
If I didn't I
wouldn't be doing it.
- I couldn't do this
fucking menu
on my own with 72
dishes on there.
Laurence is refusing to
reduce his huge menu but it's
the only way he'll ever
cope with a busy restaurant.
It's time to prove my point.
For tonight's service
I've devised
a three course
Mediterranean menu
that will fly out the kitchen
and get customers
served quickly.
A gazpacho soup, barbecued
chicken with a warm potato salad
and a roasted caramelised peach.
What's the twist?
- There is no twist.
- It's all fucking local.
That's it, there's no
twist there.
Tonight customers will order
from Laurence's a la carte menu
but when he falls behind
he'll switch to mine
and that will show him how
quick he can serve customers.
I just want him to have that
emergency menu at the forefront
of his mind, set his ego
apart, get that back in London
and for him to
concentrate on sort of
accomplishing a fully booked
service with no complaints.
- Got an order for
chocolate prawns.
- [Laurence] He said
you know earlier,
no one wants to buy
chocolate prawns,
he thinks it's shit,
a stupid idea,
first order that came in
chocolate prawns and carrot
soup.
So um.
(soft upbeat music)
It's 9:00 and the orders
from Laurence's huge menu
of 72 dishes are now
flooding in.
But it's already
starting to go wrong.
- It's medium.
- Look, look, it's raw
it's not pink, it's raw.
It's raw.
It's red raw.
All I want you to do is just
cook a fucking kebab properly.
- [Norm] Well that's
all I want to do.
- Yeah please.
Right are you in control?
Yeah?
- Yeah.
- I'm, not gonna taste that
yeah, but it looks burnt.
Laurence needs to push
the button now
and replace his menu
with my menu
if he's to avoid a repeat
of last night's fiasco.
You want to push the button?
- No.
- No, no, seriously.
- No.
- No, no seriously yeah.
Not yet, not yet.
- Are you sure?
- Yes.
- Yeah.
This is nothing to do
with your bollocks
and the size of your cock is it?
- No.
- Laurence's reluctance
to use my emergency menu
means it's customers who suffer.
- And if I'm dead honest
with you the lamb is,
everyone's saying the
lamb's bone dry,
it's appalling really.
Really is appalling.
- What happened to
that one there?
- [Norm] It was not hot
enough for them.
- That's not cooked, that's raw.
- But the complaint was
that it's cold.
- Yeah you know it's
cold because it's what?
Raw.
That's why.
When meals start coming back,
Laurence finally cracks.
Right you all right?
- [Laurence] Yeah.
- [Gordon] You are yes?
- Yeah I've called your menu in.
- [Gordon] You've
called it away?
- Yes.
- It's all done, all you
have to do is call it away,
hey and Norm was just gonna
put the fucking chicken
on the barbecue
nothing more yes?
Thank you for pushing the
fucking button.
Pushing out my emergency menu
should have been idiot proof
but they've left it too late.
And in the hands of dumb and
dumber, it descends into farce.
- This was like put in
25 minutes ago.
- Yeah and I'm still
trying to make it
'cause I've had to
send food out,
I can't stop start, stop start.
I'm doing my next order
which is two pork
kebabs and a chicken kebab.
- No don't I just asked you.
- Yeah I'm gonna rush it.
- Norm, Norm, Norm.
- [Norm] I'm looking
for the cloth Laurence.
- Oh come on Norm if there's
a time you need to pull
your finger out now, is
right now you know that, eh?
- I know.
I've got two pork
kebabs to make now.
- [Gordon] But why are
we serving pork kebabs
when we've got the
emergency menu on?
- I don't know, ask the waiter.
- Fuckin' hell.
There's little point in asking
restaurant manager Alex.
- Are you guys on top of stuff?
How are your tables?
Do I need to go to any
tables at all?
- [Gordon] He's so confused
as to who's ordered what,
he's now serving food to
tables with no one on them.
- They should be here,
but they're not here.
Right okay go back to
the kitchen.
- This place right now is the
biggest shit hole in Spain.
It's fuckin' embarrassing.
Costa Del Shit Hole
at it's best.
- It's the worst meal
we've ever had.
- Well it's quarter to
12 now and we got here
at half past nine and we've
just finished the main course,
so it has been a long wait.
(soft music)
- [Gordon] With customers
worn out from waiting,
meals being sent back and
now refunds being handed out.
Surely even Laurence
can see that by sticking
to his stupid menu, he's
only got himself to blame.
I'm speechless.
So I don't know what to say.
Let's get to the crux.
Laurence?
- I mean Norm was put under
far too much pressure tonight.
Your menu made him plate
up his own plates
and do the starters and
the cold soups out there
on the barbe and he
couldn't manage.
It slowed him down too much.
- You're telling me that my
menu fucked him up on the grill.
- He couldn't deal with it.
- Couldn't deal with what?
Putting the fucking
bowl of soup out
that was already made for him?
When are you guys going to stop
fuckin' around with excuses?
When's one of you gonna step
forward with a pair of bollocks
and give me some
fucking honesty?
Because I don't know
where you were
'cause that was
fucking shocking.
Let me tell you something, you
made a fucking good decision
you pushed the button.
Whether you like it or not
it was too fucking late.
An hour and a half late.
So whose fucking
fault is it now?
Chef.
I'm fucking out of here.
Fuck yourself!
- Well he wanted me to be honest
and I told him what I thought.
Yeah maybe I should have
lead with his whole menu,
but that's hindsight.
And in hindsight I
should never even
have done this fucking project.
(soft music)
- It's day five and there's
storm clouds over La Parra.
I've never felt as bad
about a restaurant
as I did last night and
when I walked out
I wasn't sure I'd be
coming back.
It's pissing down.
But just when I thought
things couldn't get any worse,
there was a break in
and nearly 4,000 pounds
was stolen from the
premises over night.
Morning.
- Morning Gordon, how you doing?
- Yeah fine.
Um, first of all sorry about
the news, fucking hell.
- Yeah it's not good.
- It's not good at all.
How much was it?
- Five and a half
thousand Euros.
- Five and a half
thousand Euros.
(dog barking)
- She's not happy either.
- Well she's not much of a
fucking guard dog is she?
Hey, and where's the safe?
It's not so much a safe as a
cash tin in a filing cabinet.
- [Laurence] They've left
the small notes,
they just took the big ones.
- Why would you leave five
and a half grand in there?
The most important rule for
any restaurant owner anywhere
in the world is always put
your takings in the bank.
Jesus Christ.
- I've got to think long
and hard whether
I can actually continue
without that money
and now that maybe the
clincher that you know
I won't be able to make it.
- It's not just a failing
restaurant I'm dealing with
but an owner about to
book his flight home.
If ever there was a
time for Laurence
to realise that I'm here
to help it's now.
You know it's your pride
that you've got to stop
fucking worrying about.
Because how fucking
proud are you gonna feel
at fucking Malaga airport
with your bags.
What are you gonna do?
I don't go through that
kind of bullshit
to fucking help turn a
restaurant around.
I can't do it without you.
(soft music)
I've only one more chance
to get through to Laurence
and get him listening to me.
You wouldn't go into a bull ring
without taking clear instruction
from someone who knows
what they're talking about.
Laurence.
Hola Raphael.
Listen to this man for the
next five minutes because
he's going to show you some
very, very crucial moves.
If Laurence continues to
ignore my advice,
he may lose his restaurant
but if he ignores Matador
Raphael he could lose his balls.
Big fucking test for Laurence
now he's got to stand
on his own two feet and show me
as the Spanish would
say your cojones.
Show me you've got a pair of
bollocks and fucking use them.
Have you got your cojones?
- [Laurence] Si.
- [Gordon] Yeah?
- [Raphael] No problemo.
- [Gordon] Where?
- Where?
Currently tucked up inside.
(upbeat music)
- Fucking hell.
Where's your cojones?
- Oh it's a fucking,
it's just a shit storm.
Don't think Spanish
bulls like me very much.
What am I doing?
Oh fucking hell that's
not a good sign.
- One thing he doesn't
need now is stubbornness.
Here we go.
Get off your arse.
Come on get up.
- I'm not doin' that.
- Come on, get out here,
come on.
With Laurence carefully
listening
to Raphael's expert advice
he starts to get the hang of it.
- I won one.
- You all right?
Rule number six, running
a restaurant in Spain
is a risky business, it
pays to listen
to some expert advice.
Fucking scary no?
- Yeah.
- How do you feel?
- I feel like your point's
been proven in a very big way.
- You have a big
pair of cojones.
Now just fucking use them.
Well done, get some water.
Fuckin' hell.
(soft music)
Now I've got Laurence listening
I need to get him cooking
like a proper chef.
Every night Laurence
cooks everything
on this plancha grill
to save time.
As a result it all
tastes the same.
Fishy meat and meaty veg.
I'm going to show
Laurence that in the time
it takes him to cook a whole
sea bream on his grill,
he could fillet it, fry it
and make a simple
Mediterranean sauce.
What I'm trying to do Laurence
is make your life fucking
easier you know that.
And whilst I'm still
waiting for yours
I'm just gutting an orange,
a lemon,
a pink grapefruit, fresh basil.
Are you cooked yet?
- [Laurence] Almost.
- Out and on.
Now I'm not trying to be
some jumped up
fucking smarmy arsed
little fucker,
I'm just trying to
explain you're busting
your bollocks the
wrong way round.
I know which one you
can do ten times quicker
and a 1000 times better.
Don't be scared to use a pan.
- He's drilled into my
pride and you know
my arrogance has really
shown through
and I've been a bit of an arse
about it and a bit stubborn.
And you know I'm really
now excited that he's here
and I really want to learn
and get this place moving.
- The penny might have dropped
but now I've only got two
days to put things right.
Out with the old, in with the
new, fucking bin them, yeah?
We're short of coal tonight.
With Laurence finally
letting go of his huge menu,
it's time for a new beginning.
In its place I've
created a small
Mediterranean menu using
local produce.
Five starters including
figs and Cyrano ham
and water melon with feta cheese
and six mains including
a pan fried sea bream
and a barbecued chicken
on a warm potato salad.
- Actually cooking properly
feels absolutely fantastic.
At last.
Limited menu, fresh
ingredients, absolutely amazing.
- [Gordon] The menu
will offer Brits
something authentic fresh and
above all quick to prepare.
And reducing 72 dishes to 15,
service couldn't be any simpler
for restaurant manager Alex.
- Got the menus?
- [Gordon] Okay so what
about this table here?
8:30 booking.
- I've just taken
their order now.
- Okay good, okay let's go yeah?
The menu's simpler.
A lot easier.
We can do volume now.
Now we've got a chance to
put the fucking thing right.
It's my final night and
it's the relaunch
of La Parra's new menu.
I've only got one shot at this
and I can't afford any mistakes.
Changing you tonight, yeah?
You're coming off that barbecue.
Yeah I want you connected
to the owner as a sous chef.
That's my decision and I'm
sticking to it.
I'm putting sous chef
Norm in the kitchen
prepping cold starters.
And pot washer Tom will take
his place on the barbecue.
It's a gamble but I'm confident
Tom will send the
meat out cooked.
All you have to do is take
the chicken off the barbecue
and put it onto the
plate and send it yeah?
- [Tom] Sure.
- [Gordon] Good.
- There you go sir.
- This evening isn't just
about launching a new menu,
it's about Laurence
regaining his reputation
with the British ex
pat community.
Six months ago he hosted
a fund raising dinner
for the local donkey sanctuary,
serving frozen starters and
chicken stuffed with banana,
it was a fiasco.
Tonight I've convinced
them to come back.
- It's very nerve
wracking having them here
because I know how much
I upset them last time
and I know how much
distaste they have
for the restaurant in general.
- Right donkey sanctuary
just sat down yes?
- [Laurence] Yes okay we're
on their starters now.
- Treat that table
like a time bomb.
The starters arrive for
the donkey sanctuary,
but just when I thought
it was all going to plan,
Alex has forgotten to
serve the wine.
How can you put the
starters down
without the serving the wine?
Of all tables.
Come on.
At 9:00 the restaurants
full but bizarrely
there's a backlog of
people waiting for tables.
It's Alex's responsibility
to get them seated,
but he's flapping around
like a headless chicken.
What's going on with
these fucking tables
waiting in the bar for so long?
Table six?
- Table six, yeah I
double booked it you see,
at the start of the night
and I had to tell them that,
you know we need to have
the table back.
- Who do you tell you need
the table back?
The customer?
- The customer yes.
- What about the
fucking kitchen?
They need to know first,
because they've got to cook it.
So move your arse.
Alex has simply got
greedy in thinking
they can turn tables
around in an hour.
As a result people
are turning up
for their reservations,
but have nowhere to sit
and in the kitchen
Laurence is now struggling
with a backlog of orders.
The donkey's at the your table.
On top of all that, Alex
has now gone into melt down.
Alex get a grip.
Alex, you can do it Alex.
- Just do it.
- I know.
- You can fucking do it.
We're waiting on you.
- I know you're waiting on me
and I really appreciate this.
- This is fucking critical.
Fucking hell.
Go.
Come on Alex please.
- We waited for 40
for a starter,
then sat with dirty
plates for 45 minutes
and then we were asked to
leave the table
because the next lot of
guests arrived.
- Five plates yeah, one,
two, three, four, five.
- [Gordon] Although under
pressure, Laurence is at least
coping with my reduced menu.
- You've got three Cyrano
and three water melon yeah?
Finish those off in a minute
as soon as I get these out.
- [Gordon] I can only be
grateful that Laurence
got the donkey sanctuary
main courses out
before the shit hit the fan.
- The food is
actually very good.
I think everybody's quite
pleased with the food.
- If he can come up
with this sort of deal,
yes we'll be back again.
- Yes but the service
leaves quite a little bit
to be desired I think.
A lot more work on the service.
- It's the end of the evening
and Laurence's cooking has
been a success.
But Alex's double booking
madness has let everyone down.
We were so close Alex.
So close.
You can do better.
- I know I can do better.
- You can do better.
- I know I can do better.
- Turn round and tell him
that he's paying your salary.
Fucking tough night, a
real tough night.
87 covers and it was a struggle
and the service was
fucking pretty dismal.
However the donkey
sanctuary have confirmed
they're gonna come back.
That speaks volumes.
That means the local community
are now back on their side.
And quite frankly you can't
ask for a more crucial time
for them to support it because
we're just about to come
out of the summer season
and into the fucking winter.
And without their support they
won't get through the winter.
(soft music)
In six days I've finally
seen a change at La Parra,
but once I've gone,
Laurence has only four weeks
until the end of the
season to make the money
that will help him
survive the winter.
Remember, do not cut corners,
don't make a fucking
ass of yourself.
That's gone.
That has fucking gone.
Goodbye.
- Bye.
- I only hope La Parra's doors
will still be open
when I return.
(upbeat music)
Last time I was in Spain La
Parra was a bloody nightmare.
I left them a Mediterranean menu
that should have seen
them through the winter,
but if anyone could mess it
up, it was Laurence and Alex.
Now I'm back, I'm dying to see
if the fucking place
is still open.
La Parra is open and it's busy.
Fuck me.
Look at you.
- Hi are you all right.
- I'm well are you well.
- Yeah, very well, very well.
- Good to see you.
- [Laurence] And you.
- How's it been?
- It's been very very good.
On average about 50% up,
sometimes double each month.
- Really?
Congratulations.
- Thank you very much.
What a turn around.
Laurence was losing
22,000 pounds a year,
but with the ex pats propping
up their winter trade,
he's pulled in a 33
grand profit.
They're all the positives,
what are the negatives?
- I haven't expanded yet.
- [Gordon] Is that
what's on the cards?
- Hope so yeah.
- Already?
- Yeah.
Two or three of these now
would be nice.
- That's great news,
providing this one's
working perfectly yeah,
definitely.
A second restaurant?
This one has a lot
to live up to.
Laurence's new menu has
no stupid twists.
But I'm in Spain, so I'm
dying for something native.
There doesn't seem to be much
Spanish influence going on.
Good to see you.
- You too mate.
- When I left the
menu was bursting
with local vibrant flavours
but now I'm faced with
Italian pasta
and that old Spanish classic,
bread & butter pudding.
Bread & butter puddings.
- Bread and butter
pudding nice one.
Oh, we get so many compliments
on that it's delicious, yeah.
- Alex has a new team in
place for the summer season.
Norm and Tom have moved on
and the service has improved.
But the food hasn't.
These kind of things you'd
expect absolutely perfect
and they're not, the
pasta is like mush,
almost like a puree.
I wouldn't serve it to a baby.
Not good, greasy, way overcooked
and fucking tasteless.
If these boys want to
open another restaurant,
they're having a laugh.
Specialty of the house is
still cremated deserts.
Burnt bread & butter
pudding at the bottom.
You'd think a year
down the line,
we could be doing better.
Where is he?
- [Alex] Kitchen.
- Right.
I came really thinking the
place was gonna be closed,
arrived it's open, busy
and I'm so fucking happy.
But now unfortunately not
very happy with the food.
I looked at the menu and
I thought fuck,
there's nothing authentic,
nothing Spanish.
The pasta was absolutely
shocking, cooked to fuck.
Why is it so mush?
Truthfully now.
- If I cook it ala dente
I get more sent back.
- You get it sent back?
- Most of my customers
like it overcooked.
- Laurence come on, fuckin'
hell.
I'm not gonna fucking
listen to you
tellin' that overcooked pasta
is what they want in Spain.
Come on.
Why and it's perfect
that it's here,
why is my bread & butter pudding
fucking black on the bottom?
You're not gonna tell me
that's what they want as
well now surely?
- You're lying, it's not black.
- You're fucking defensive
and your fucking ego.
- I'm gonna defend my food.
You think I'm just
gonna sit here
and go yeah, it's all burnt,
sorry shit.
I'm not gonna do that.
- I'm being honest.
- Right and I'm being honest.
There's a customer
here that says
it's the best bread &
butter she's ever had.
- Mine was full of burnt
fucking raisins.
Just have a little
taste of that.
- Okay, no.
- No, no, no, no, no, I
love the way you.
- I don't have to.
- No I want you to taste
it, you taste that.
I'll eat it with you.
Laurence still can't
admit when he's wrong,
and I can't stomach bullshit.
He soon confesses that
while the evenings are busy,
lunchtime trade is dead.
We should be busy for lunch.
- We should be yeah.
We've tried our hardest.
The past few months we've
been open every lunchtime
and it just hasn't worked,
it hasn't kicked off at all.
Everyone wants to be
on the beach.
- You've got ambitions of
opening another restaurants,
but five years fully
booked every fucking day
before I opened my
second restaurant
to make sure that we were
fucking solid,
customers are happy and
we were doing it right.
This is so frustrating.
Rule seven of running
a restaurant,
is don't get ahead of yourself.
Only when restaurant
one is perfect
can a second be considered.
I've only got a few hours
tomorrow 'til I fly home,
so I'll have to work fast.
It'll be nice to get
everybody here for 9:00.
- 11:30.
- 9:00.
Fucking hell.
Unbelievable.
Goodnight my darling,
goodnight princess.
I love ambition absolutely
fucking love it.
But in this game, you've
gotta fucking walk
before you can run and
think about it,
a chain of La Parra's?
Fuck me.
I'm back at La Parra on
the Costa Del Sol
owner Laurence wants to
open a second restaurant
but he's not perfected
his first one yet.
His lunchtime trade is dead.
I've only got a few hours
'til my plane leaves,
so I'm gonna speak to
the Brits myself
and find out what they
really want to eat
when in sunny Spain.
When you come to Spain yeah,
what do you enjoy
eating the most?
- Spanish food.
- [Woman] Sardines.
- [Gordon] Sardines?
- Yeah barbecued on
the beach there.
- Fish and chicken.
- Prawns.
- Prawns.
- Big prawns.
- Penne pasta?
- Not really, no.
- Spanish food.
- Spanish food, that's why
you look so fit and healthy.
Have a great holiday.
- Thank you.
- Thank you ladies.
(upbeat music)
It's clear what the Brits want,
a real flavour of Spain and
I'm dying to get stuck in.
Unfuckin' believable.
9:00 in the morning,
busy day today
and not one member
of staff here.
Only in fucking Spain.
(soft upbeat music)
Good afternoon.
- Good morning.
- Finally I asked them to be
here at 9:00 it's nearer 10.
Late.
- I'm on time
- On time?
- Spanish.
- Spanish?
Bollocks.
Absolute bollocks
Lunchtime trade was
never gonna pick up
by replacing my
Spanish infused menu
with dishes that just
aren't native.
I can't wait to hear
their other ideas.
- We're probs do
takeaway lunches
- A Packet of crisps
and a bag of fruit gums?
You're having a fucking
laugh aren't you?
Fruit gums?
- Home made.
- Laurence are you fucking mad?
- [Laurence] Why not?
- Fuckin' hell.
Fruit gums, mushy pasta
I have to show Laurence
he's got the wrong idea about
what his customers want.
(upbeat music)
I'm challenging Laurence
to a cook up on the beach
in front of all the tourists.
Pasta versus paella,
with only the most
popular dish going on the
lunchtime menu.
You got your speedo's?
It'll drum up good
publicity for La Parra
and remind Laurence what
the Brits are hungry for.
His tasteless penne or my
authentic Spanish paella?
A recipe he needs to learn.
First thing what would
you put in there?
- [Laurence] Onions, garlic.
- Chorizo.
It gives that really nice
golden colour.
With onions garlic and
chicken in, the smokey aroma
will have every mouth
on the beach watering.
In go red peppers saffron
and Spanish sherry vinegar.
It gives it that sort of depth,
it brings out the
flavour of chicken
so just round the outside.
So rice in.
Nice.
In go local prawns and stock.
Add fresh squid, clams
and let the flavours
of Spain fuse together.
Wow, that looks and
smells fantastic.
Thank you.
Let's have a little taste.
See that nice dark rich colour?
Fuckin' delicious.
Sorry.
(giggling)
Don't swear in front
of the girls.
The paella's nearly ready.
Laurence just needs to
fry up his ropey penne.
Penne pasta cooked al dente.
- [Laurence] Good, excellent.
- And we'll see which
dish the tourist prefer.
- Are you hungry?
- [All] Yeah!
- Good, bloody hell.
Christ almighty.
There you are my darling.
Sorry.
(mumbling)
Take some pasta as well, yes?
As I thought the Brits
are going locum
for proper Spanish paella.
- Best paella we've had.
Delicious.
- [Gordon] And Laurence's dreary
pasta is coming in second.
- We can have this (mumbling).
- They're in Spain, so paella
is the preference isn't it?
- Laurence has realised
what his customers want
and now he can push for
some bookings.
Would you walk 200 metres
to get a paella like that?
- Yes.
Definitely.
- Good.
I'll see you for lunch tomorrow.
Now you're in Spain, would
you come for a bowl of pasta
or would you come for a paella?
- [All] Paella.
- Why wouldn't you
come for pasta?
- Because we get that in Italy.
- Exactly.
See.
So there's the next restaurant
you're gonna open up in Italy,
yes?
- Do pasta there.
- Pasta there.
(soft upbeat music)
Back at the ranch, we've 30
bookings for a late lunch,
the flavour of Spain is
back on the menu.
- [Woman] Paella.
- But I have a little forfeit
up sleeve for Laurence.
Laurence and I had a
competition today on the beach,
sadly Laurence lost.
And part of losing the challenge
is that he's now gotta come up
here and have a little dance.
Come here.
Ladies please.
Now.
(upbeat music)
- Shit.
You're an asshole Gordon,
you're an absolute asshole.
- Ladies and gentlemen,
Laurence.
(upbeat music)
- Now that Laurence has
regained that flavour of Spain,
he can start thinking about
your second restaurant.
The first one has to be perfect.
He has the perfect Paella.
So the sky's the limit.
(upbeat music)
- Come on, come on, come on,
come on.
(laughing)
(upbeat music)
(laughing)
(cheering)
Well done buddy, well done.