Kitchen Confidential (2005–2006): Season 1, Episode 2 - Aftermath - full transcript

# I've been movin' since 9:00 #

# My life is on the cutting block #

# I face things, it's time to move #

# I've got to get my life in tune #

# Hey, yeah, look at my days, yeah #

# These are my ways, yeah #

# Ain't it insane #

Here's the thing
about cleaning up your act

in my demon days,
I would stay up all night

push myself to the limit...

and pass out on the floor



But I changed

Here

Now I'm a sober
responsible professional

who stays up all night,
pushes himself to the limit

and well...

I didn't mean to wake you.

You didn't wake me.
I was visualizing the menu.

Wait, what do you want?

Pino's looking for you.

Oh, okay.

Have you been living here?

Of course. I'm the head chef.

Aren't you familiar
with the chef's code?

- Oh, the chef's code.
- Yeah.



No.

I wouldn't advertise that
if I were you, rookie.

Oh! Hey. Okay. Okay.

- What's wrong with that picture?
- I didn't get you anything?

There are eight steaks in the walk-in.
There should be 12.

- You know, I...
- Jack, I love this restaurant.

I love all my restaurants
like I love my children.

- Crap!
- And like all my children,

they each present
their own unique problem.

- Right.
- And the problem with Nolita is this:

I have a massively talented chef
with a doubtful emotional stability

who seems to be heading
a band of thieves.

Hey, in all fairness,
no convictions.

Well, no felony convictions.

I take stealing very personally, Jack.

I take everything
very personally.

Pino, I know.

Look, you gave me a second chance. I'm not going to blow it.

I give you my word,
no one on this crew steals.

It's not stealing,
it's entrepreneurship.

Hey, that didn't work
at the arraignment,

and it's not going to work here.

Whoa, Jack, Jack.

You wanted
matsutaki mushrooms, yeah?

See, I lay the steaks off
on Spoonie,

who turns them into truffles
and gives them to Manuel at Palio,

who tips me
to the precise time

that the mushroom pickers
roll in from Alaska,

which is why, of all the chefs
in New York City tonight,

only Jack Bourdain is serving
matsutaki mushrooms. Huh?

Steven, those aren't
matsutaki mushrooms.

Almost had
a very boring weekend.

Listen, I know this is how
we used to do business,

but Pino's not going
to stand for it.

Ah, so, what I'm hearing is,
"Don't get caught."

- No. Don't do it at all.
- Got it.

- Good.
- Leave no trace.

- Dude! Nothing.
- Dude! Done.

- Good.
- Good.

But if I were you, I'd be
more concerned with the spy

who put Pino onto the steaks
in the first place.

Oh, hi.

- I was just prepping the...
- You don't prep.

You're a waitress.

Oh, you just have
all the answers, don't you?

Yep.

Look at her.

Daddy's little girl.

Putting poison in his ear.

You know how to get someone
off your back, don't you?

Put 'em
on somebody else's.

Okay, so my first decision
as floor captain is

no more pooling tips.

But we've always
pooled tips.

Yeah, which has always
bugged me.

It's a disincentive.

Now, the more you sell,
the more you make.

Competition breeds success.

You'll thank me later.

Remember when I said
that we have to,

you know,
work together and all that?

Yeah.

Yeah, well,
now I'm going to kill you

and I'm going to eat you.

Hey, Seth.

Seth! You going
to send this out like this?

Yeah.

Come on.

There's more fingerprints on it
than on your prom date!

Guys! We got to do better than that!

- He is out of control.
- Tell me about it.

He's been busting my stones ever since his girlfriend dumped him.

You know he's been living here?

That'll be me someday
...fingers crossed.

Yeah, we should...
take him to The Snake Pit.

If we can't get him drunk,

we should at least
get him some pelt.

Indeed.

The mushrooms
weren't bad, okay?

We didn't move them

because Cameron
can't pronounce "matsutaki."

He kept saying "Matzah Taco."

I mean, what is that?
Would you eat that?

Oh, excellent question.
Yeah, yeah.

Also excellent: the ass
on the woman directly behind you

Oh, that is hot.
Why don't you go for that?

Whoa, whoa. This is you, man.
This is all you. Hey, hey.

What?

Go find your smile.

Hey!

- Audrey.
- Jack.

You look great.

I haven't seen you since, um...

My mother's birthday.

We had some great times too, though

Yeah, we had some great times...
when you were conscious.

Oh, I'm conscious a lot now.

I'm sober these days.

No, no. These aren't for me.
They're for my crew.

I'm actually the new
head chef at Nolita.

Please shag our friend.

Listen, why don't you come by?
I'll buy you dinner.

It's the least I can do.

Yeah, thanks, Jack, but I think
we both know that's a bad idea

- We do?
- People don't change

Don't-don't-don't- go away.

No, he needs this.
We need this.

What are you guys talking about?

Football.

- Cheers, mate.
- All right

So, who's the thief?
It's the Englishman, isn't it?

I don't know. I'm busy.

Jack promoted me to floor captain.

Oh. You sleeping with him?

Dad, ew, I'm your daughter.

If I'm going to give it up, I'm going a lot higher than floor captain

Find some other idiot
to watch your chefs.

All right.

You're giving me a promotion?

Yes.

Can I put a picture of my dog
in the ladies' room?

No.

Steven, I need
those steaks yesterday.

I'm going to go for a smoke.

No, you do not want
to go out there.

There is nothing to see out there.

But if you do go out there,

understand that I am part of the solution, not part of the problem

And I am not the lookout.

Steven, look out!

Okay, I'm not going to lie to you.

I stole too many
matsutaki mushrooms.

Stole?
You said you swapped.

Jack, Jack, come on.

Let's live in the now, huh?

The point is that Vlad and Lev here
have kindly agreed

to exchange the matsutaki mushrooms
for these lobsters,

which they have assured me
come directly from some ocean

- Yes. We are fishermen.
- From Nantucket.

What did I say?
No more means no more.

You were serious about that?

Yes! Okay, this is New Jack.

You are living in New Jack City,

and from now on, there's no stealing, dealing, balling or brawling, ok?

Fine. Yeah.

Don't have to tell me twice.

I did tell you twice.

Right. So who owes
who an apology, hmm?

Hey. If you are interested...

we have dolphin.

Not here, but close by.

- Excuse me, chef?
- Not sleeping!

What? Just doing inventory.

My eyes are wide open.
I'm sharp as a tack.

- All right, uh, orders are up.
- Great.

- You need an espresso...
- I need six espressos.

All right. Okay.

First orders up!

Got two fillets, one swordfish,
three veals.

- Are my veals up yet?
- Yes, Cameron, your veals are up

They were just magically delivered
by the veal fairy.

I thought you were the veal fairy.

Oh, I get it.

"Veal fairy" 'cause I'm gay
and you're losing.

Tanya, what are you doing back here?

Just watching you.

What's in your tube?

What? Nothing.

I mean, frosting.

I was going to use my tube
to frost my tarts.

Can I watch?

Listen, about your six espressos...

I couldn't make 'em
because the machine is...

Yeah, whatever it is, handle it.

Oh, mate, I've got
some good news for all of us.

- What?
- You've got a fan at the bar.

Yeah?
No, I've got some boning to do

Yeah, my thoughts exactly.

Off you go. Good boy.

Trust me.

I thought we decided
this was a bad idea.

Now, what makes you think
I'm here for you?

Can't a girl get a bite to eat?

And clearly, this is
the only restaurant in town.

He's smug.
We don't like smug.

Hi. Jack Bourdain, head chef.

And you are...?
- Wendy, the safety friend.

- Wendy!
- Wendy the safety friend?

What's is that, like
Smokey the Bear?

Exactly. I'm here to make sure
she doesn't get burned.

I love her.
She drinks for free

- Enjoy.
- Charming.

No fair.
I do not have a pair of those.

If she gets to do that,

I get to wear my pants
two sizes too small.

You already are.
Would you get the phone?

Aye, aye, floor captain.

Nolita.

Hey, we're from
Sterling and Newman.

Can you take a party of six
in, like, five minutes?

Five minutes?

Um, try five months. Bye-bye.

Wait, wait, wait, listen.
If you won an expensive account

and you wanted
to blow a huge wad on dinner,

where would you go?
- Table nine.

My name is Cameron,
and I'll be your waiter.

That's what I thought, baby, ok?
Keep it clean.

All right, table seven's up.

All right, Seth,
I need that strawberry terrine.

Seth? Where the hell's Seth?

See, you squeeze gently, slowly,

from the top to the tip,

from the top to the tip.

Seth!

Jack!

Right. Terrine. Here.

Supposed to work
the hot line, not the ladies.

Listen, I need to work my lady.

- You got the hot line?
- Absolutely. Go with God.

I can trust you in here
for two minutes?

What is this?

I've been chastened, all right?
There's the halo. Ting!

Now go and put
a little New Jack into old Audrey

So, you're off the booze,
you're off the drugs...

I have a potted plant
I have yet to pee in.

- Now that is impressive.
- I know.

I've become impressive.

He vomited on your mother.

I can't believe you're still single.

I know.

It's surprising.

Do you notice anything different
about the cappuccino machine?

It's not as much there
as it used to be?

Precisely.

- Do you know who stole it?
- No.

Can you give me a hint?

Tanya, think.

I asked you to keep an eye on these people for that very reason.

So you're not going
to give me a hint.

Listen, I'm really glad
you came,

because I know that there's
a lot of things that I've done

that I really don't remember,

but I'm sure
they were really horrible,

and I just want to ask you
for your forgiveness.

- I forgive you.
- Thank you.

So, now that we're...
done with the past

should we, uh...

should we talk about the future?

There he is.

My numero uno.

This man is like family.

And you know what happens
when you disappoint your family.

Find my cappuccino machine.

You.

- Where is it?
- Where's what?

Don't do this.

Do you know what this guy
can do to us?

- What guy?
- Pino!

Steven, the man cupped my face
like I was Fredo,

so please, just turn it over.
- Turn what over?

I haven't done anything. I'm sick and tired of your accusations.

We're way past accusations.
We're into consequences now!

Oh, I'm sorry, when did you turn into the guy that we used to hate?

Guys, guys,
maybe we shouldn't do this here

No, I want to do this here.

Hey, I did what I needed
to do to get my life in order.

Until you're able to back me up,
you're on a leash,

which means
you have no power.

You got no authority.
You got no pull.

You're the guy who grills steaks
and keeps his mouth shut.

You know, um...

sometimes yelling

is just a really loud way
of saying "I love you."

Recipe for tension :

take two best friends,
stir in massive distrust,

let stand in a hot kitchen

and garnish
with large, sharp knives.

Seth, you want to tell Steven
to stop crowding me?

Seth, can you tell Jack to kiss my...

Hey, we're getting a real stabby kind
of energy going on in here, huh?

Jack, why don't you get
some fresh air?

Ah, boys

Ah, thank you very much.

You must be the gentlemen from...

Sterling and Newman!

Boys, boys, inside voices.
Inside voices.

- May I bring you the wine list?
- Do you have any Chateau Margaux?

Oh, yes. Yes, we do.

Tres.

Si, se?or.

A thousand-dollar bottle of wine,

and they're starting with three.

You're really going to have
to dangle those milkers now.

Sorry.

There was a problem
back in the...

Where's Smokey?

- I put her in a cab.
- Good idea.

I was afraid she might stop me
from doing something stupid.

That wasn't stupid.

So...can we get out of here
... like, now?

See, I have changed.

In the old days, I would have done
something like this...

...or this...

or, ideally...this...

But now...

...can't yet, um...

Restraint?
From Jack Bourdain?

I know.

Wow, I find that extremely attractive.

You do?

Okay, can you just give me
ten minutes tops, okay?

Yeah, okay.

I highly recommend
the sea bass. It's excellent.

Hi, excuse us.
Excuse us. Yeah.

What are you doing at my table?

Well, veal fairy,
according to the floor captain,

for parties of six or more, two waiters are automatically assigned

Guys, it's midnight.
Kitchen's closed.

What? No.

Donna?

This is the richest table
we've ever had.

Please?

Son of a bitch.

All right, the last order's up, guys.

Let's just get it done.

Put those away.

Unbelievable!
Look at this.

Thank you very much.

How dare they?
Are you kidding me?

I didn't know
they were going to pull out.

Raise them up.
Come on, get them up.

Let's have fun tonight, all right?

All right, crew down.

I'm out of here.

- Uh, pardon me, chef.
- Yeah, don't worry about it.

I'm afraid, in the course
of the dinner service,

I dropped three shallots
from the veal chop on the floor

I put them in this envelope.

Just wondering
if you could sign for them

to preserve
the chain of custody.

Let's talk about this
in the walk-in.

Oh, right, the cavity search.

Yeah, Jim, bring a flashlight and a quarter of extra virgin olive oil, will you?

You knew who I was
when you hired me.

And I said
all that had to change.

Look, you've got to trust

that no matter what immoral,
illegal or despicable thing I do,

I do it for you.

This is your "caught in bed with another woman" speech, isn't it?

A variation.

But the truth is, at the end of the day, you always get what you need.

I cover your ass, mate,

and if I wasn't me,
you couldn't be you.

Well, you know what?

I'm going to cover
my own ass from now on.

We've got a chew-and-screw!

What?!

How could you let 18000$
just walk out the door!

This is a fireable offense!
What were you two thinking?!

That it's your job
to get the credit card!

Daddy's going to kill me.

Daddy is going to kill all of us!

Uh, guys, they're getting
into their limo.

Am I off the leash, then?

Get it done.

Turns out, in this business,

sometimes a criminal
is exactly what you need.

Go. Go, go, go, go!

Dude, we just saved the partners,
like, 20 grand.

Did you gentlemen forget something?

Get out of here, you limey fruit.

Yeah, go play with the queen.

Oh, dear.
You had to involve the queen.

I still don't understand
why you had to hit me.

Yeah, sorry.
I get enthusiastic.

Yeah, I'll say.

Jack...you want to tell me about this?

Yeah, we had a walk-out,

but Mimi spotted it in time,

and Steven managed to
...bring back the bill.

Eighteen thousand.

Yeah, everything is under control

Fire him.

No.

No, he goes, I go.

He's a liar and a thief.

Everybody's something.

Of course.

What?

The woman at the bar,
she left you this.

Well, if you don't, I will.

I got it. Thanks, Tanya.

What a night, huh?

Lots of excitement.

Where'd you get
that cappuccino?

Oh, I just made it.

Uh, the machine
was all gunked up,

so I had the dishwashers
take it downstairs,

flush it out, so...

Why are you looking at me
like that?

Audrey?

Audrey?

You have time management issues

I know...

You know, there were
all these problems with the kitchen..

There was
the cappuccino machine...

and there was
the chew-and-screw and...

Jack, Jack, you don't have
to convince me anymore

You've changed. I buy it.

No. Come on. Hey!
I wasn't sleeping!

No, I was just taking my time
for your pleasure!

I'm awake now.

Here's the thing about change:

Sometimes you think
you've changed, but you haven't.

You just traded one addiction
for another

# Keep believing the things
that you tell yourself... #

And sometimes,
that's the best you can hope for

# Everyone needs something
they can tell themselves #

# To hold onto,
'cause after all of it's said #

# and done, well, you know #

Have a good one.

# Confession is... #

Here's the thing
about a great restaurant

It's like great theatre

It's our job to dazzle you,
amaze you

delight you

Tonight, our specials are
Seared New York Sirloins

served with
a white asparagus pyramid

While keeping you totally ignorant
of the Hiroshima going on backstage

That isn't a pyramid,
that's a tepee

That is totally a pyramid

Don't tell me about pyramids,

my people built the pyramids!

My people invented spaghetti

Do your people
know about that?