King of the Hill (1997–2010): Season 7, Episode 9 - Pigmalion - full transcript
Luanne is wooed by millionaire Trip Larsen...who has bizarre plans for her.
[Captioning sponsored by
FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
and TWENTIETH CENTURY FOX
TELEVISION]
Mmm, something smells good.
(sniffs)
It's the menu.
Ha! Even the menu smells good
at Rattlesnakes!
WOMAN:
Luanne, Luanne...
Hey, Peggy, if I get
the chicken-fried chicken
and you get the chicken-
fried steak, we can...
Just a moment.
There is something that
I must take care of.
I do so know enough
not to put a salad-size fork
in the spoon bin.
Well, that fork
didn’t just walk along
and hop in there by herself,
did she now?
No, she couldn't have.
Excuse me, ma'am.
Why are you calling
my niece a liar?
Luanne knows
we have a way
of doing things here
at Rattlesnakes.
She also knows
the consequences
of not following
that way.
You will not use threats
with her.
And you will not tell me how
to talk to my supervisors.
And you have just lost yourself
a waitress. She quits.
Well, now,
wait a minute.
I wasn't going
to fire her.
Mm-hmm, it's too late
for your apologies
now isn't it?
Luanne, pick up your clothes
and three onion loaves.
We are going home.
You know,
I probably
wouldn't have lost
my Rattlesnakes job
if you hadn’t said anything.
Exactly. But I won't
be around forever
to do everything for you.
You have to learn
to help yourself.
How did it help me
to lose my job?
It will leave you open
for new opportunities.
Such as the one that I am
about to present to you.
The Learning Annex
is offering a class
on "The Joy
of Entrepreneuring."
I signed you up.
It would be really nice
if sometimes you could ask me
when you make decisions
about my life.
You're right.
Would you like to go
at 7:00 or at 9:00?
Mmm... 7:00.
I'm sorry,
that won't work for me.
A lot of you think
of Trip Larsen
as the hog king of Arlen.
But he wasn't born
with that crown on his head.
He's an entrepreneur
an innovator,
and an inventor
responsible for edibilizing
two new parts of the pig.
(light applause)
Thank you. Thank you.
My great-grandfather
started Larsen Pork Products
with little more than three pigs
and a killing hammer.
Today, I'm proud to say,
we kill more pigs than
well, pig hepatitis.
There's no secret to success,
really.
You have to have a passion
for whatever you do
whether it's processing pigs
or sheep
or cattle into food
and food products.
(whispering):
What's a food product?
It's like food,
but cheaper.
Hmm...
Young lady, you had a question?
Yes. I find that I am
too busy succeeding
to keep track
of all of my ideas.
So, I keep them in a file.
Well, actually, that's more
of a comment than a question.
Well, thank you.
I think so, too.
Well, hello.
How did you
like my lecture?
Did you enjoy it?
I mean, did you enjoy it
as much as I enjoyed
having you at my lecture?
I really liked the part
where you were excited
about what you do.
That's what I'm
trying to find...
a career I'm passionate about.
Like waitressing
at a steak house...
You know, you have
that special...
I don't know...
unspoiled quality
and something tells me
I think you'd do
pretty darn well in pork.
How'd you like to interview
for a position
with Larsen Pork Products?
Well, I did work with
pork chops in my last job.
Well, to be honest,
sometimes I dropped
a couple.
Well, see,
that's the beauty of pork...
it rinses off clean.
Ice cream?
Hey, what are
you celebrating?
Trip Larsen has scheduled
an interview with Luanne.
I get to go to his house!
I don't see why he has
to see her at his house.
You think he could
be interested
in something more
than an interview?
The pork industry
is famously informal.
That's how these things
are done.
Uh, Luanne, sometimes
men aren't interested
in what they say
they're interested in.
To put it bluntly, they're more
interested in something else.
Oh, you mean sex?
N-n-no... no... no...
Yes.
I'm here for my interview,
Mr. Larsen.
I am also here
for her interview.
Luanne,
let's go ballooning.
Peggy, why don't you read
my autobiography?
Oh, it's all so beautiful.
You can see for miles.
Yeah, 3.7 miles.
You can see up
to around eight miles
if you try this monocular.
It's Austrian.
They make the best monocular.
Something wrong?
Well... it's just that...
um, well... you know so much
and I know so little.
I hope that doesn't
make you think I'm stupid.
You are not stupid.
You're ignorant.
What? No, you can't tell...
It's a compliment.
That just means you
haven't had the chance
to learn all
the wrong things.
Oh...
No one's ever told me
that before.
Well, maybe that's because
no one has ever realized
how ignorant you truly are.
PEGGY:
Oh, my Lord!
What are you doing?!
That is not a proper way
to interview!
Ah... Who's house are we
going to T.P. - Ing this year?
Probably
mine again.
So, how'd it go?
Mr. Trip Larsen
is the most wonderful man
in the whole world!
Well, you gave you a job, huh?
What position?
Oh, I'm his girlfriend!
HANK:
Well, I knew this guy
was no good
but braiding your hair?
From the back, your head
looks like a horse's ass.
Well, Trip likes my hair
in braids.
He says they make me look smart.
Luanne, honey, it's not that we
don't like your hair in braids
which we don't
it's that we don't like Trip.
He's old enough
to be your father
and he's treating you
like a child.
Stop worrying,
Aunt Peggy.
And I'm going to eat my
salad after my steak.
Trip says that's
the French way.
So I can have
my dessert first
then my steak.
And then, if I
have room, my salad.
Salad after steak?
I hate to say this
twice in one meal
but, "horse's ass."
(grunts)
(chuckles)
Hello.
We were
in the neighborhood
and thought you might like
some of my Brown Betty.
We can also discuss
my Luanne.
Hey, that's a good idea.
Sounds fun.
How would you like to watch
some football bloopers
while I finish my set?
You know, they send
us advertisers
some stuff that...
well, you'll see it
nowhere else.
I could take a look.
Hank, remember
what we’re here for.
But this is
private bloopers.
Hey, do you have
the snowman
who caught fire at
the Viking's game?
Do I...
I've got three different snowmen
catching fire.
There he goes.
How's it going?
Did Blanca set you up all right?
I would like
to talk about Luanne
before we have to make
a blooper reel out of her life.
Well, we just want
to make sure
Luanne isn't getting
into any trouble.
She is our only niece.
Hank, Luanne is lucky
to have somebody like you
looking out for her.
Will you look at that.
LARSEN:
Yeah, that's the J-5.
It's a little project
I've been working on
for quite some time now.
In terms of
time-to-processing weight
meat yield, weanability
she's pretty much
the perfect pig.
Mmm, looks like you
could eat it with
a spoon.
Just give me five years
and you will.
HANK:
Oh, just like a baby.
Look at her, Peggy.
Remind you of someone
when he was little?
Hank, how would you
like to ride
in a hot air balloon?
Hey, I don't have
to tell you
it's powered by propane.
Well, that's one
of the eight uses of propane
I haven't experienced
first hand.
Oh, dear Lord.
Peggy, I feel like
Neil Armstrong up here!
I can see everybody's gutters,
and they look great!
Mrs. Hill, I'm a guy
who makes his own rules.
You play by them...
everybody wins.
Try to call your own game...
not so terrific.
(grunts)
Whoa!
Well, let me tell you something
you might be rich,
but all the money in the world
cannot buy you
the most precious gift of all...
my respect.
PEGGY:
The man willfully
endangered your life
just to make
a point, Hank.
Try to see it
from his point of view.
He was trying to control
the balloon
and you kept talking to him.
I was right there.
He was pulling and yanking
that cord
and trying to jerk you
out of there
with every last fiber
of his being, and then some.
Aunt Peggy, Trip believes that
no one ever solved anything
with a run-on sentence.
What?
How dare you!
You do not come into my house
and correct my grammar
unless your name
happens to be
Strunk or White.
Is it?
I'm just trying
to help you
improve yourself,
Aunt Peggy.
(screams)
Mmm, this'll cook
up nice, Hank.
How much did it
cost you, huh?
A hundred bucks?
Hank, the man is crazy.
That headless pig
is a threat.
No, it's a gift
from Trip Larsen,
and it's to you.
I guess somebody
owes Trip an apology.
There is a large,
dead animal on my lawn!
Look, let's be reasonable
about this.
I work in propane,
so I give away propane.
Trip Larsen
works with pork
so that's why he gave us
this fella here.
Oh!
(ells)
No! You're bruising
the rinds!
PEGGY:
That's it!
Luanne, I have decided
that your boyfriend is crazy.
Now, do you want
to break up with him
or should I?
Now, just stop it!
Stop telling me what to do!
I am a proud, ignorant woman
and no one
is going to change that!
Now that is the stupidest thing
I ever heard anyone say.
(crying)
You wiped your
eyes on my tie.
That's okay.
It's an
amazing fabric.
Thanks, Trip.
I feel better.
I'm going to go home now
and think of something mean
to do to Aunt Peggy, okay?
Luanne, you are home.
I took the liberty of having
your belongings
meat-trucked out here.
Forgive me if they
smell delicious.
Luanne, dear,
this will
be your room.
It's so beautiful.
Oh, I don't see
any of my clothes.
That's because
I had them shredded.
Plant mulch.
Gardening tip:
Synthetics make
wonderful ground cover.
But... but, see, I need stuff
to wear to dinner.
Not a problem.
But they're all the same.
Nothing is
exactly the same.
Everything has
a small flaw
or imperfection.
It drives me mad.
(scraping)
Trip?
Trip, is... is that you?
(scraping)
Trip, are you there?
(scraping)
(pained moaning)
(screams)
(grunting)
(oinking)
Back!
(crying)
Back off, girl.
Don't be messing
with Papa's lady
now, you hear?
Are you all right,
dearest?
Why is there
a pig in the house?
Oh, don’t tell me
you’re jealous.
I might have grown up poor
but I never knew anyone
who kept a pig in the house.
Well, that's because
they weren't equipped for it.
The floor in there
is Brazilian rosewood...
super hard, super
high-quality stuff.
And I had it finished
with four coats
of polyurethane-
not that it needs it.
The J-5's hooves
are soft as
bedroom slippers.
Schweigen!
(oinking)
Go back to bed,
honey.
I'll have Blanca
bring you up
a warm glass
of milk, okay? Okay.
Finish it all.
(screaming)
Oh, good. You're up.
My... my head is bleeding.
Your head hasn't been harmed.
It's been improved.
I took the liberty of dying it
while you were asleep
these last 14 hours.
But... well, why?
I don't
want red hair.
You don't like it? Okay.
Well,
we can always shave it off
and wait for it to regrow.
No!
Good. Then it's settled.
Blanca, um... I'm going
all the way downstairs
to practice my harp
like Mr. Larsen wanted me to.
(gasps)
It's me.
Except for the teeth.
But that can be taken care of.
Are you trying
to turn me into her?
This is the Larsen
Pork Products Girl
my grandfather
created 50 years ago.
Her picture graced the walls
in my nursery.
Mother never really
paid me much attention
but she was always there.
I'm very sorry about your mother
and now I'm going home.
Please don't go.
I spent so many years
trying to find you.
Look at her.
The Larsen
Pork Products Woman
is as comfortable
dining with kings
as she is slaughtering pigs.
I never thought I'd meet someone
as perfect as the woman
in that picture.
And then I saw you.
At the Learning Annex.
I guess.
I'm just so alone here.
I get scared.
I understand.
And I mean
to fix all that
with a big
Halloween party
to show the world
just how happy we are.
Can I dress up
as a pirate?
A woman as a pirate?
Well, Zarathustra.
I know just
what you’ll wear.
This.
Hey, it's an invitation.
"Larsen Pork Products
"and the Dance Theater
of Arlen
invite you
to a Halloween Gala."
Sounds like a blast.
Well, I know Luanne
doesn’t want to see me
but I am
a Silver Slipper donor
to the Dance Theater of Arlen
and those people
still owe me an umbrella.
Oh, great. It's Luanne.
I'll bet she can tell
us where the bathroom is.
Is that all you care about...
the bathroom?
What about Luanne?
I can't enjoy a party
until I know
where the bathroom is.
You knew that
when you married me.
Hi, Aunt Peggy.
Uncle Hank.
I'm really glad you could come.
You look nice, Luanne.
I know.
Trip told me.
I'm the Larsen
Pork Products Girl.
Oh, you see, Peggy?
I could have come
as a Strickland Propane guy
instead of renting
this getup.
Mister is ready
for you now.
Oh. This is Blanca.
She's my best
friend here.
Trip?
Trip?
I'm here, dearest.
Luanne, you've never
looked more beautiful.
And I've never
felt more alive.
I never thought
this day would come
when I would
have everything
I've ever wanted
within my grasp.
(gasps)
Is that an
engagement ring?
Wait, Luanne.
I want everything to be perfect.
Luanne, will you
do me the great honor
of marrying... him.
Him?
Javier, the time has come.
That's the man in the ad!
Life is a series of compromises.
Trip, I'm kind of confused.
What is happening here?
Don't you see?
We can have it all.
We can be the family
in the picture.
You, him and me.
(oinking)
What? What?
(snorting)
(screaming)
Luanne, wait!
Luanne!
Where did Luanne go?
That's for me to know
and you to find out.
And me
to find out, too
because I don't know.
Luanne!
(screaming)
Luanne, wait.
I can explain everything.
No! You're sick.
I'm calling the police.
Luanne,
you're not thinking clearly.
I'm here, Luanne!
I'll take care of everything.
(screaming)
Oops.
This is perfect!
Now we can become
Larsen Pork Products
together.
(screaming)
Luanne, trust me.
This is for the best.
We agreed that I
would do the thinking
for both of us.
I never agreed to be
a Larsen Pork product.
Luanne, I thought
you loved me!
No. Trip!
TRIP:
Pull the left lever! Now!
Let me do it.
(Trip laughing maniacal)
(laughing)
Mama, Papa, I'm coming home.
Oh, my God.
I can suddenly think clearly.
The voices have left my head.
What am I doing
in a pig costume?
Uh-oh.
(screaming)
Well...
at least Trip seemed happy.
And now he's in a better place.
Honey, Trip had
a mental breakdown
and is now a sausage.
That's not
a better place.
But you handled the
situation very well.
I did, didn't I?
You saved yourself
by thinking
for yourself.
I did, didn't I?
You are your own woman.
I am. I am!
So, really,
it's a happy ending.
Happy enough.
[Captioned by
The Caption Center
WGBH Educational Foundation]
FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
and TWENTIETH CENTURY FOX
TELEVISION]
Mmm, something smells good.
(sniffs)
It's the menu.
Ha! Even the menu smells good
at Rattlesnakes!
WOMAN:
Luanne, Luanne...
Hey, Peggy, if I get
the chicken-fried chicken
and you get the chicken-
fried steak, we can...
Just a moment.
There is something that
I must take care of.
I do so know enough
not to put a salad-size fork
in the spoon bin.
Well, that fork
didn’t just walk along
and hop in there by herself,
did she now?
No, she couldn't have.
Excuse me, ma'am.
Why are you calling
my niece a liar?
Luanne knows
we have a way
of doing things here
at Rattlesnakes.
She also knows
the consequences
of not following
that way.
You will not use threats
with her.
And you will not tell me how
to talk to my supervisors.
And you have just lost yourself
a waitress. She quits.
Well, now,
wait a minute.
I wasn't going
to fire her.
Mm-hmm, it's too late
for your apologies
now isn't it?
Luanne, pick up your clothes
and three onion loaves.
We are going home.
You know,
I probably
wouldn't have lost
my Rattlesnakes job
if you hadn’t said anything.
Exactly. But I won't
be around forever
to do everything for you.
You have to learn
to help yourself.
How did it help me
to lose my job?
It will leave you open
for new opportunities.
Such as the one that I am
about to present to you.
The Learning Annex
is offering a class
on "The Joy
of Entrepreneuring."
I signed you up.
It would be really nice
if sometimes you could ask me
when you make decisions
about my life.
You're right.
Would you like to go
at 7:00 or at 9:00?
Mmm... 7:00.
I'm sorry,
that won't work for me.
A lot of you think
of Trip Larsen
as the hog king of Arlen.
But he wasn't born
with that crown on his head.
He's an entrepreneur
an innovator,
and an inventor
responsible for edibilizing
two new parts of the pig.
(light applause)
Thank you. Thank you.
My great-grandfather
started Larsen Pork Products
with little more than three pigs
and a killing hammer.
Today, I'm proud to say,
we kill more pigs than
well, pig hepatitis.
There's no secret to success,
really.
You have to have a passion
for whatever you do
whether it's processing pigs
or sheep
or cattle into food
and food products.
(whispering):
What's a food product?
It's like food,
but cheaper.
Hmm...
Young lady, you had a question?
Yes. I find that I am
too busy succeeding
to keep track
of all of my ideas.
So, I keep them in a file.
Well, actually, that's more
of a comment than a question.
Well, thank you.
I think so, too.
Well, hello.
How did you
like my lecture?
Did you enjoy it?
I mean, did you enjoy it
as much as I enjoyed
having you at my lecture?
I really liked the part
where you were excited
about what you do.
That's what I'm
trying to find...
a career I'm passionate about.
Like waitressing
at a steak house...
You know, you have
that special...
I don't know...
unspoiled quality
and something tells me
I think you'd do
pretty darn well in pork.
How'd you like to interview
for a position
with Larsen Pork Products?
Well, I did work with
pork chops in my last job.
Well, to be honest,
sometimes I dropped
a couple.
Well, see,
that's the beauty of pork...
it rinses off clean.
Ice cream?
Hey, what are
you celebrating?
Trip Larsen has scheduled
an interview with Luanne.
I get to go to his house!
I don't see why he has
to see her at his house.
You think he could
be interested
in something more
than an interview?
The pork industry
is famously informal.
That's how these things
are done.
Uh, Luanne, sometimes
men aren't interested
in what they say
they're interested in.
To put it bluntly, they're more
interested in something else.
Oh, you mean sex?
N-n-no... no... no...
Yes.
I'm here for my interview,
Mr. Larsen.
I am also here
for her interview.
Luanne,
let's go ballooning.
Peggy, why don't you read
my autobiography?
Oh, it's all so beautiful.
You can see for miles.
Yeah, 3.7 miles.
You can see up
to around eight miles
if you try this monocular.
It's Austrian.
They make the best monocular.
Something wrong?
Well... it's just that...
um, well... you know so much
and I know so little.
I hope that doesn't
make you think I'm stupid.
You are not stupid.
You're ignorant.
What? No, you can't tell...
It's a compliment.
That just means you
haven't had the chance
to learn all
the wrong things.
Oh...
No one's ever told me
that before.
Well, maybe that's because
no one has ever realized
how ignorant you truly are.
PEGGY:
Oh, my Lord!
What are you doing?!
That is not a proper way
to interview!
Ah... Who's house are we
going to T.P. - Ing this year?
Probably
mine again.
So, how'd it go?
Mr. Trip Larsen
is the most wonderful man
in the whole world!
Well, you gave you a job, huh?
What position?
Oh, I'm his girlfriend!
HANK:
Well, I knew this guy
was no good
but braiding your hair?
From the back, your head
looks like a horse's ass.
Well, Trip likes my hair
in braids.
He says they make me look smart.
Luanne, honey, it's not that we
don't like your hair in braids
which we don't
it's that we don't like Trip.
He's old enough
to be your father
and he's treating you
like a child.
Stop worrying,
Aunt Peggy.
And I'm going to eat my
salad after my steak.
Trip says that's
the French way.
So I can have
my dessert first
then my steak.
And then, if I
have room, my salad.
Salad after steak?
I hate to say this
twice in one meal
but, "horse's ass."
(grunts)
(chuckles)
Hello.
We were
in the neighborhood
and thought you might like
some of my Brown Betty.
We can also discuss
my Luanne.
Hey, that's a good idea.
Sounds fun.
How would you like to watch
some football bloopers
while I finish my set?
You know, they send
us advertisers
some stuff that...
well, you'll see it
nowhere else.
I could take a look.
Hank, remember
what we’re here for.
But this is
private bloopers.
Hey, do you have
the snowman
who caught fire at
the Viking's game?
Do I...
I've got three different snowmen
catching fire.
There he goes.
How's it going?
Did Blanca set you up all right?
I would like
to talk about Luanne
before we have to make
a blooper reel out of her life.
Well, we just want
to make sure
Luanne isn't getting
into any trouble.
She is our only niece.
Hank, Luanne is lucky
to have somebody like you
looking out for her.
Will you look at that.
LARSEN:
Yeah, that's the J-5.
It's a little project
I've been working on
for quite some time now.
In terms of
time-to-processing weight
meat yield, weanability
she's pretty much
the perfect pig.
Mmm, looks like you
could eat it with
a spoon.
Just give me five years
and you will.
HANK:
Oh, just like a baby.
Look at her, Peggy.
Remind you of someone
when he was little?
Hank, how would you
like to ride
in a hot air balloon?
Hey, I don't have
to tell you
it's powered by propane.
Well, that's one
of the eight uses of propane
I haven't experienced
first hand.
Oh, dear Lord.
Peggy, I feel like
Neil Armstrong up here!
I can see everybody's gutters,
and they look great!
Mrs. Hill, I'm a guy
who makes his own rules.
You play by them...
everybody wins.
Try to call your own game...
not so terrific.
(grunts)
Whoa!
Well, let me tell you something
you might be rich,
but all the money in the world
cannot buy you
the most precious gift of all...
my respect.
PEGGY:
The man willfully
endangered your life
just to make
a point, Hank.
Try to see it
from his point of view.
He was trying to control
the balloon
and you kept talking to him.
I was right there.
He was pulling and yanking
that cord
and trying to jerk you
out of there
with every last fiber
of his being, and then some.
Aunt Peggy, Trip believes that
no one ever solved anything
with a run-on sentence.
What?
How dare you!
You do not come into my house
and correct my grammar
unless your name
happens to be
Strunk or White.
Is it?
I'm just trying
to help you
improve yourself,
Aunt Peggy.
(screams)
Mmm, this'll cook
up nice, Hank.
How much did it
cost you, huh?
A hundred bucks?
Hank, the man is crazy.
That headless pig
is a threat.
No, it's a gift
from Trip Larsen,
and it's to you.
I guess somebody
owes Trip an apology.
There is a large,
dead animal on my lawn!
Look, let's be reasonable
about this.
I work in propane,
so I give away propane.
Trip Larsen
works with pork
so that's why he gave us
this fella here.
Oh!
(ells)
No! You're bruising
the rinds!
PEGGY:
That's it!
Luanne, I have decided
that your boyfriend is crazy.
Now, do you want
to break up with him
or should I?
Now, just stop it!
Stop telling me what to do!
I am a proud, ignorant woman
and no one
is going to change that!
Now that is the stupidest thing
I ever heard anyone say.
(crying)
You wiped your
eyes on my tie.
That's okay.
It's an
amazing fabric.
Thanks, Trip.
I feel better.
I'm going to go home now
and think of something mean
to do to Aunt Peggy, okay?
Luanne, you are home.
I took the liberty of having
your belongings
meat-trucked out here.
Forgive me if they
smell delicious.
Luanne, dear,
this will
be your room.
It's so beautiful.
Oh, I don't see
any of my clothes.
That's because
I had them shredded.
Plant mulch.
Gardening tip:
Synthetics make
wonderful ground cover.
But... but, see, I need stuff
to wear to dinner.
Not a problem.
But they're all the same.
Nothing is
exactly the same.
Everything has
a small flaw
or imperfection.
It drives me mad.
(scraping)
Trip?
Trip, is... is that you?
(scraping)
Trip, are you there?
(scraping)
(pained moaning)
(screams)
(grunting)
(oinking)
Back!
(crying)
Back off, girl.
Don't be messing
with Papa's lady
now, you hear?
Are you all right,
dearest?
Why is there
a pig in the house?
Oh, don’t tell me
you’re jealous.
I might have grown up poor
but I never knew anyone
who kept a pig in the house.
Well, that's because
they weren't equipped for it.
The floor in there
is Brazilian rosewood...
super hard, super
high-quality stuff.
And I had it finished
with four coats
of polyurethane-
not that it needs it.
The J-5's hooves
are soft as
bedroom slippers.
Schweigen!
(oinking)
Go back to bed,
honey.
I'll have Blanca
bring you up
a warm glass
of milk, okay? Okay.
Finish it all.
(screaming)
Oh, good. You're up.
My... my head is bleeding.
Your head hasn't been harmed.
It's been improved.
I took the liberty of dying it
while you were asleep
these last 14 hours.
But... well, why?
I don't
want red hair.
You don't like it? Okay.
Well,
we can always shave it off
and wait for it to regrow.
No!
Good. Then it's settled.
Blanca, um... I'm going
all the way downstairs
to practice my harp
like Mr. Larsen wanted me to.
(gasps)
It's me.
Except for the teeth.
But that can be taken care of.
Are you trying
to turn me into her?
This is the Larsen
Pork Products Girl
my grandfather
created 50 years ago.
Her picture graced the walls
in my nursery.
Mother never really
paid me much attention
but she was always there.
I'm very sorry about your mother
and now I'm going home.
Please don't go.
I spent so many years
trying to find you.
Look at her.
The Larsen
Pork Products Woman
is as comfortable
dining with kings
as she is slaughtering pigs.
I never thought I'd meet someone
as perfect as the woman
in that picture.
And then I saw you.
At the Learning Annex.
I guess.
I'm just so alone here.
I get scared.
I understand.
And I mean
to fix all that
with a big
Halloween party
to show the world
just how happy we are.
Can I dress up
as a pirate?
A woman as a pirate?
Well, Zarathustra.
I know just
what you’ll wear.
This.
Hey, it's an invitation.
"Larsen Pork Products
"and the Dance Theater
of Arlen
invite you
to a Halloween Gala."
Sounds like a blast.
Well, I know Luanne
doesn’t want to see me
but I am
a Silver Slipper donor
to the Dance Theater of Arlen
and those people
still owe me an umbrella.
Oh, great. It's Luanne.
I'll bet she can tell
us where the bathroom is.
Is that all you care about...
the bathroom?
What about Luanne?
I can't enjoy a party
until I know
where the bathroom is.
You knew that
when you married me.
Hi, Aunt Peggy.
Uncle Hank.
I'm really glad you could come.
You look nice, Luanne.
I know.
Trip told me.
I'm the Larsen
Pork Products Girl.
Oh, you see, Peggy?
I could have come
as a Strickland Propane guy
instead of renting
this getup.
Mister is ready
for you now.
Oh. This is Blanca.
She's my best
friend here.
Trip?
Trip?
I'm here, dearest.
Luanne, you've never
looked more beautiful.
And I've never
felt more alive.
I never thought
this day would come
when I would
have everything
I've ever wanted
within my grasp.
(gasps)
Is that an
engagement ring?
Wait, Luanne.
I want everything to be perfect.
Luanne, will you
do me the great honor
of marrying... him.
Him?
Javier, the time has come.
That's the man in the ad!
Life is a series of compromises.
Trip, I'm kind of confused.
What is happening here?
Don't you see?
We can have it all.
We can be the family
in the picture.
You, him and me.
(oinking)
What? What?
(snorting)
(screaming)
Luanne, wait!
Luanne!
Where did Luanne go?
That's for me to know
and you to find out.
And me
to find out, too
because I don't know.
Luanne!
(screaming)
Luanne, wait.
I can explain everything.
No! You're sick.
I'm calling the police.
Luanne,
you're not thinking clearly.
I'm here, Luanne!
I'll take care of everything.
(screaming)
Oops.
This is perfect!
Now we can become
Larsen Pork Products
together.
(screaming)
Luanne, trust me.
This is for the best.
We agreed that I
would do the thinking
for both of us.
I never agreed to be
a Larsen Pork product.
Luanne, I thought
you loved me!
No. Trip!
TRIP:
Pull the left lever! Now!
Let me do it.
(Trip laughing maniacal)
(laughing)
Mama, Papa, I'm coming home.
Oh, my God.
I can suddenly think clearly.
The voices have left my head.
What am I doing
in a pig costume?
Uh-oh.
(screaming)
Well...
at least Trip seemed happy.
And now he's in a better place.
Honey, Trip had
a mental breakdown
and is now a sausage.
That's not
a better place.
But you handled the
situation very well.
I did, didn't I?
You saved yourself
by thinking
for yourself.
I did, didn't I?
You are your own woman.
I am. I am!
So, really,
it's a happy ending.
Happy enough.
[Captioned by
The Caption Center
WGBH Educational Foundation]