King of the Hill (1997–2010): Season 6, Episode 1 - Bobby Goes Nuts - full transcript
To Hank's chagrin, Bobby learns to protect himself by kicking boys in the groin.
[girls laughing]
[exclaiming]
See the tall one
with braces? That's Amanda.
I'd give anything to be a flannel nightgown
at that sleepover.
It'll never happen.
But I do have an unobstructed view...
of hot girl-on-girl pillow-fight action
from my bedroom window.
Not as good as the view from my roof
with my dad's thermal goggles.
I'll be able to see their body heat....
[exclaiming]
Later, Bobby.
Lights out at 9:30.
After that, no laughing, no singing.
-No flashlights, no ghost stories.
-No nothing, except sleep!
Also, you have to sign this.
(Kahn) It says that we are not responsible...
for any injury
that might occur during sleepover.
Susan Clemmons, is it?
You forgot to initial here!
Okay. Enjoy sleepover.
[music blariig oi stereo]
[girls laughing]
Dang! Show's over!
What are you doing? What part
of the contract didn't you understand?
Give me the pillows!
(Bobby) That's it, Susan. Hide the pillow.
Good girl.
Come on, cough it up!
[girls sighing]
You're not gonna sleep now, are you?
I'd leave now, but I already paid your dad
for the continental breakfast.
(girl) Yeah.
[whispering] Bobby!
Honest, Connie. I--I wasn't watching.
Bobby, my party's dying.
Can you come over?
Yes!
[crickets chirping]
[groaning]
[girls laughing]
Bobby! Take it off!
[music playiig oi stereo]
Give the girls what they paid for.
Oh, my God!
If cupid had a heart,
He would make you fall
[grunting]
You'll fall ii love with me
Ii io time at all
If cupid had a heart
Shake it, baby. Give me some motion.
Oh, yeah!
She's got nice ones!
If cupid had a heart
(Kahn) What are you doing?
This is a sleepover,
not a play-music-loud-all-night-over!
What's Chang Wassanasong doing here?
I might have told him
you were having a sleepover.
-What's up, ladies?
-Beat it, Wassanasong!
Check it out. It's ""Booby"" Hill.
When God was passing out wit,
you thought he said zit...
and you asked for seconds.
-Now, out the window!
-We're not going anywhere.
-We came for a pillow fight.
-Connie's dad took them all.
Then how about just fight?
[groaning]
What was that? What....
[Kahn screaming]
No boys in slumber party!
Oh, hey, Chang.
How you doing? How's your dad?
Still on membership committee
at Nine River Country Club?
Yes, sir, Mr. Soup.
We were just walking by and we saw
Bobby sneaking in the window...
and I wanted to make sure
Connie was okay.
Bobby Hill, out the window!
Chang, you and your friends
may use the door.
[crickets chirping]
[groaning]
All right, guys. The girls aren't here.
We don't have to pretend to be tough.
Come on. I--I live next door.
All I have to do is scream and my dad
will be on you like flies on pie!
If you eat some dirt,
then maybe I'll leave you alone.
But I don't wanna eat any dirt.
Maybe just a little.
-Yum, that's good dirt.
-You didn't eat any.
(Bobby) Dad! Dad! Dad!
[snoring]
[speakiig Spaiish]
[all shoutiig]
Help!
Bobby?
-What have you been eating?
-Dirt!
Chang Wassanasong made me eat dirt!
He beat me up!
[sighing] I'll get some ice.
Don't worry, Dad.
I'll find out Chang's address...
so you can go over there
and make his dad eat dirt.
Bobby, remember when you were
10 years old...
and I pulled that
big girl off you at the park?
That's not happening anymore.
There is only one person who can fight
your battles for you.
And I know you don't want to hear this,
but that person is you.
Look at me! This can't fight.
Then take a boxing course at the YMCA.
You can learn anything at the Y.
That's where I learned how to fight.
You know, that's also
where I learned to swim.
So, taking those boxing lessons
kept the bullies from picking on you?
Bullies, picking on me?
Yeah. Sure. Why not?
[birds chirping]
I'm sorry. Boxing is full.
But I can put you on the wait list.
People are always getting hurt.
You've gotta help me defend
myself from Chang Wassanasong.
There is one other class,
but it wouldn't be right for you.
There's nothing about the YMCA
that's right for me.
But until I'm famous enough
to afford my own bodyguard...
I am going to have to learn
how to defend myself!
Now, do your job, sir!
[women chattering]
[whistle blowing]
Every one of you in this class
is heavily armed right now.
That's right. Your key chain, your fists...
that huge engagement ring.
Are you sure you're in the right class?
This is women's self-defense.
Please, Miss. All the other courses are full.
I'm sorry. It's for women only.
We're trying to maintain
a certain comfort level here.
But I hate men as much as you.
I don't hate men! I just hate being a victim!
I hate being a victim, too.
Look, I was at a girls'
slumber party last night...
when three men pushed me to the ground
and made me eat dirt!
[gasping]
(woman) My.
Okay, you can stay.
Now, grab a whistle
and prepare to be empowered!
Most women who are attacked
are subdued by verbal threats.
Today, we're going to get used
to hearing these threats...
keeping our cool, and practicing
some responses of our own...
to the most vulnerable areas
of a man's anatomy.
-Shut up and give me your purse!
-I don't know you! That's my purse!
[groaning]
Okay. I want everybody to try it.
You first.
See? I don't hate men.
-Give me your purse. Now!
-That's my purse.
Don't be afraid to shout it.
That's my purse! Try it again.
That's my purse! I don't know you!
[grunting]
[groaning]
[women cheering]
(woman) All right.
[birds chirping]
What did you get
for number five on the test?
-""D.""
-""D""?
[groaning]
I thought you wrote ""B.""
Booby.
Connie, when you kiss this loser,
do you still taste dirt?
No. Not anymore. Jerk!
You asked her about the dirt,
she answered.
-I don't think we have any more business.
-Don't smart-mouth me, Hill!
[Connie exclaiming]
Get away from me!
[mimicking Bobby] Get away from me.
-Come on, eat some dirt!
-Let go of my purse!
I don't know you!
[groaning]
Who's next?
[groaning]
[dog barking]
[dog barking]
(Bobby) Mom! Dad!
Chang was waiting for me after school!
Did you remember to tell him
that inside every bully there's a coward?
That's okay, Peggy.
I don't see any blood. No dirt.
You ran away, didn't you?
No. I stayed and fought! And I won!
This is so much cooler
than getting beat up!
Well, all right, Son!
You know, that Chang Wassanasong...
must know all kinds
of Oriental martial arts.
And you beat him
with good old American YMCA know-how.
Yeah, we're all excited.
But before you get too carried away...
I should let you know
that I got detention tomorrow.
Detention for beating up a bully?
I'd say somebody's earned himself
a trip to a PG-13-rated movie.
My dad says that
whenever you're in a jail-type situation...
the best way to survive is to take out
the biggest guy there.
That way, you establish
who's boss right from the get-go.
Or you can hang yourself with your pants.
He says that's another way to go.
Which one of you guys is the tallest?
[laughing]
That's my purse!
[groaning]
I don't know you!
[groaning]
[birds chirping]
It's the metal-shop kids.
If they hassle us, just run.
They won't
be able to catch us because they smoke.
Bobby! Play any kickball today?
-Why? You up for a game?
-Just saying hi. Just saying hi.
Why are they scared?
You didn't kick another person
in the groin, did you?
Three people!
I didn't go looking for trouble.
Trouble came a-knocking...
and Bobby Hill's foot answered the door.
You know, Bobby...
I kind of liked it better
when you used to play dead...
or joked your way out of a tight spot.
I'm sorry. What were you saying?
Tony Zamarti is wide open right now.
(Bobby) Peters!
You giving my friend here a hard time?
Back off.
This is none of your business, Bobby.
-I'm making it my business, Peters.
-What are you gonna do?
You gonna kick me in the nads?
Am I going to do it? Yes.
When am I gonna do it? Don't know.
Could be tomorrow.... Now!
[groaning]
One thing you'll find out about me, Clark...
is that I'm not a very patient person.
[exclaiming]
I wish I'd called you folks here
under pleasanter circumstances.
But I'm afraid your son's
been caught fighting again...
on the school grounds.
First of all,
my son was just defending himself.
Second of all,
I do consider these pleasant circumstances.
Emily, send Bobby in.
Bobby, you want to tell your parents
how you won your fight?
-Which one? The one against Chang?
-Sure.
Okay. There I was
standing in front of Chang.
It didn't look good. I mean, let's face it.
He's faster and stronger than me.
So, if I was gonna
beat this guy, I had to act fast.
-Smart thinking, Son.
-So, I faked to my left.
But he got ahold of me
and knocked me down. Down but not out.
I yelled, ""Let go of my purse,""
at the top of my lungs.
Then, with all my might...
I kicked him
as hard as I could in his testicles.
What?
Tell your parents
about the Clark Peters fight.
-So, there I was standing--
-Ju-just skip to the end of the fight.
You mean before
or after I kicked him in the testicles?
Bobby, l....
Where in the heck did you learn to do that?
At the women's
self-defense course I signed up for at the Y.
Women's self-defense?
What did I do?
It was your idea
to send him to the Y in the first place!
So, I could point the finger at you!
But I won't. But I could.
[sighing]
I'm afraid we're gonna
have to suspend Bobby from school...
for a couple of days.
Hank, can--can I talk to you alone?
I mean, not as principal-to-parent,
but, you know, man-to-man.
Sure.
You can't have your boy going around
kicking people in their testicles.
I know that, Carl.
(Hank) This, Bobby, is the belt line.
You never ever hit below that.
Always above. Never below.
Cassius Clay never hit below the belt.
But, Dad, if I'm in a fight with someone
who wants me to literally eat dirt...
you're telling me
I shouldn't do the one thing...
that's gonna save me. Boom!
You learned a move
in a woman's self-defense class.
-You are not a woman.
-But it works.
Son, I'm gonna show you
how to fight above the belt. Here.
They're my old YMCA gloves. Put them on.
Okay.
Now, Bobby, just to warn you...
you're probably
gonna have to take a couple of shots...
before you learn
how to protect yourself properly.
Now, get your gloves up like this. Good.
[grunts]
Keep your hands up, Bobby,
and move a little.
Don't just stand there like a pole.
Come on. Come on.
[groaning]
Come on. You're not moving.
I am too! I'm backing away from you!
Come on,
from side to side, Son. Like this. See?
Come on. Come on. Here we go.
Okay. Okay, now try to hit me
with a punch, as hard as you can. Come on.
[grunting]
You leave your face open,
you're gonna get popped. See? See?
Pop? Pop? See?
[grunting]
[screaming]
You left yourself open, Dad.
Pop, pop.
[Hank groaning]
You have been kicked in the testicles.
[groaning]
I palpated the left teste
and everything checks out.
There's gonna be
quite a bit of swelling for a few days.
-What about the other one?
-We can't find it right now.
[groaning]
No, no need to panic, though!
I'm sure it's there.
It'll probably make an appearance
when the swelling goes down.
Man, lie still, man.
You know, don't try
to move, man, because....
[laughing]
Kicking all them nuts, man.
Let alone testicles.
Don't move, man.
Dad, l--I thought
maybe you'd like some ice cream.
[people chattering on TV]
[sighing]
I'm sorry about what happened.
-But when you hit me in the nose--
-You mean the nose above your belt?
If I remember correctly...
and your shot below my belt
hasn't affected my memory...
I was teaching you
how to fight above the belt.
It was the way I learned
how to defend myself.
By kicking me in my fellas?
Dirty pool, Mister. Dirty pool.
[sighs] Now, let's discuss
your punishment.
Punishment? For what?
You told me to go to the Y
and learn to defend myself and I did!
No television, no video games,
and no ice cream until further notice.
-That's not fair! You can't do that!
-I'll tell you what I can't do.
Sleep on my stomach!
But I can sure as heck punish you.
[Hank sighing]
Bill, toss me a beer.
I have to take my anti-coagulant.
I live in constant fear of the day...
Joseph finally can take down his old man.
If I were him, I'd do it while I was sleeping.
Best chance he's got.
Although, I've recently learned
how to sleep with my eyes open.
God, am I tired!
How I wish I had a son
to kick me in the nuts.
[groans]
Be careful what you wish for.
Yeah. I promise you
Bobby's sorry he ever did that.
Right now he's out back pulling weeds.
No gloves, no weasel.
Ragweed for m'lady.
Where have you been?
Word in the halls is you got suspended
for kicking Principal Moss in the crotch.
What? No. That's crazy.
I kicked my dad in the crotch.
You kicked your father?
We all have those feelings, Bobby...
but you never act on them.
[knocking at door]
I heard what you did
to Chang Wassanasong. Unforgivable.
Then I heard what you did to your father.
Very funny. So, I'm conflicted.
My dad didn't think it was funny.
So he's given me a million chores to do.
What? The old man punishing you?
You don't have to take that from him.
Till he can get up
from that chair, you the boss!
[beeping]
That better not be what I think it is.
And I think it's a Game Boy.
Is it a Game Boy?
Yeah, Dad. It's a Game Boy.
That's a videogame.
I told you no videogames. Give it to me.
-Hold on. I'm almost done.
-Now.
-ln a minute.
-lf you don't bring that to me right now--
In a minute. In a minute.
[groaning]
Get back here!
God, the pain is unbearable!
All right, Mister, you've got one minute.
[gasping]
Dang it, Bobby!
It has been at least a minute.
-You started a new game, didn't you?
-Yes.
-We had a deal!
-Hank, what is going on?
I'm punishing Bobby.
I'm not gonna ask you again.
Give me that goddang videogame.
Not now.
I'm dealing with a giant spider here.
Bobby Hill, you give your father that game
and you do it right now!
That's okay. I got it under control.
He's gonna give me the game.
Soon. Soon. I'm almost bored with it.
-Why don't you go inside? I'll find you later.
-Come on.
-Hand it over!
-Mom, this is between Dad and me.
And I'll give him the Game Boy
when I decide I'm ready to.
That is it! I would not let a stranger,
let alone my own son...
think for one second
that they can get away...
with showing any disrespect
towards the man that I love!
You do that, and you have to
deal with Peggy Hill!
What are you doing, Mom?
What are you doing?
-Come on, Mom. Don't.
-Game over, Bobby!
[both grunting]
Come on. That's it!
Come on! Show me what you got!
[groaning]
(Peggy) Give me that Game Boy!
Give me that....
[both grunting]
No!
[panting]
Clever little.... Got you!
(Peggy) Come to Mama.
That's right. And I have....
[both grunting]
Yeah!
That's mine! Give it back!
In a minute.
That's my purse!
[Bobby grunting]
That's right, Bobby.
I believe you will find
that I have no testicles.
-Where's your secret weapon now?
-She bluffing! Finish her!
I'm sorry, Mom. It was a reflex.
[grunting]
Mom, okay! I said I was sorry!
[groaning]
All right, Peggy, let him go.
Dinner in 10.
I guess next time
you won't try to take on your old man.
What are you so proud about?
You had to get Mom
to fight your battle for you.
That's worse than me
kicking below the belt.
[laughing]
Yeah. It's not so fun
when someone doesn't fight fair, is it?
Just remember
I can get her to do that any time I want.
[grunts]
Peggy?
(Peggy) Is there a problem out there, Hank?
We'll be right in. Now, go wash up.
[groaning]
Okay, deep breath.
[Haik groaiiig]
(Bobby) That's my purse! I doi't kiow you!
[exclaiming]
See the tall one
with braces? That's Amanda.
I'd give anything to be a flannel nightgown
at that sleepover.
It'll never happen.
But I do have an unobstructed view...
of hot girl-on-girl pillow-fight action
from my bedroom window.
Not as good as the view from my roof
with my dad's thermal goggles.
I'll be able to see their body heat....
[exclaiming]
Later, Bobby.
Lights out at 9:30.
After that, no laughing, no singing.
-No flashlights, no ghost stories.
-No nothing, except sleep!
Also, you have to sign this.
(Kahn) It says that we are not responsible...
for any injury
that might occur during sleepover.
Susan Clemmons, is it?
You forgot to initial here!
Okay. Enjoy sleepover.
[music blariig oi stereo]
[girls laughing]
Dang! Show's over!
What are you doing? What part
of the contract didn't you understand?
Give me the pillows!
(Bobby) That's it, Susan. Hide the pillow.
Good girl.
Come on, cough it up!
[girls sighing]
You're not gonna sleep now, are you?
I'd leave now, but I already paid your dad
for the continental breakfast.
(girl) Yeah.
[whispering] Bobby!
Honest, Connie. I--I wasn't watching.
Bobby, my party's dying.
Can you come over?
Yes!
[crickets chirping]
[groaning]
[girls laughing]
Bobby! Take it off!
[music playiig oi stereo]
Give the girls what they paid for.
Oh, my God!
If cupid had a heart,
He would make you fall
[grunting]
You'll fall ii love with me
Ii io time at all
If cupid had a heart
Shake it, baby. Give me some motion.
Oh, yeah!
She's got nice ones!
If cupid had a heart
(Kahn) What are you doing?
This is a sleepover,
not a play-music-loud-all-night-over!
What's Chang Wassanasong doing here?
I might have told him
you were having a sleepover.
-What's up, ladies?
-Beat it, Wassanasong!
Check it out. It's ""Booby"" Hill.
When God was passing out wit,
you thought he said zit...
and you asked for seconds.
-Now, out the window!
-We're not going anywhere.
-We came for a pillow fight.
-Connie's dad took them all.
Then how about just fight?
[groaning]
What was that? What....
[Kahn screaming]
No boys in slumber party!
Oh, hey, Chang.
How you doing? How's your dad?
Still on membership committee
at Nine River Country Club?
Yes, sir, Mr. Soup.
We were just walking by and we saw
Bobby sneaking in the window...
and I wanted to make sure
Connie was okay.
Bobby Hill, out the window!
Chang, you and your friends
may use the door.
[crickets chirping]
[groaning]
All right, guys. The girls aren't here.
We don't have to pretend to be tough.
Come on. I--I live next door.
All I have to do is scream and my dad
will be on you like flies on pie!
If you eat some dirt,
then maybe I'll leave you alone.
But I don't wanna eat any dirt.
Maybe just a little.
-Yum, that's good dirt.
-You didn't eat any.
(Bobby) Dad! Dad! Dad!
[snoring]
[speakiig Spaiish]
[all shoutiig]
Help!
Bobby?
-What have you been eating?
-Dirt!
Chang Wassanasong made me eat dirt!
He beat me up!
[sighing] I'll get some ice.
Don't worry, Dad.
I'll find out Chang's address...
so you can go over there
and make his dad eat dirt.
Bobby, remember when you were
10 years old...
and I pulled that
big girl off you at the park?
That's not happening anymore.
There is only one person who can fight
your battles for you.
And I know you don't want to hear this,
but that person is you.
Look at me! This can't fight.
Then take a boxing course at the YMCA.
You can learn anything at the Y.
That's where I learned how to fight.
You know, that's also
where I learned to swim.
So, taking those boxing lessons
kept the bullies from picking on you?
Bullies, picking on me?
Yeah. Sure. Why not?
[birds chirping]
I'm sorry. Boxing is full.
But I can put you on the wait list.
People are always getting hurt.
You've gotta help me defend
myself from Chang Wassanasong.
There is one other class,
but it wouldn't be right for you.
There's nothing about the YMCA
that's right for me.
But until I'm famous enough
to afford my own bodyguard...
I am going to have to learn
how to defend myself!
Now, do your job, sir!
[women chattering]
[whistle blowing]
Every one of you in this class
is heavily armed right now.
That's right. Your key chain, your fists...
that huge engagement ring.
Are you sure you're in the right class?
This is women's self-defense.
Please, Miss. All the other courses are full.
I'm sorry. It's for women only.
We're trying to maintain
a certain comfort level here.
But I hate men as much as you.
I don't hate men! I just hate being a victim!
I hate being a victim, too.
Look, I was at a girls'
slumber party last night...
when three men pushed me to the ground
and made me eat dirt!
[gasping]
(woman) My.
Okay, you can stay.
Now, grab a whistle
and prepare to be empowered!
Most women who are attacked
are subdued by verbal threats.
Today, we're going to get used
to hearing these threats...
keeping our cool, and practicing
some responses of our own...
to the most vulnerable areas
of a man's anatomy.
-Shut up and give me your purse!
-I don't know you! That's my purse!
[groaning]
Okay. I want everybody to try it.
You first.
See? I don't hate men.
-Give me your purse. Now!
-That's my purse.
Don't be afraid to shout it.
That's my purse! Try it again.
That's my purse! I don't know you!
[grunting]
[groaning]
[women cheering]
(woman) All right.
[birds chirping]
What did you get
for number five on the test?
-""D.""
-""D""?
[groaning]
I thought you wrote ""B.""
Booby.
Connie, when you kiss this loser,
do you still taste dirt?
No. Not anymore. Jerk!
You asked her about the dirt,
she answered.
-I don't think we have any more business.
-Don't smart-mouth me, Hill!
[Connie exclaiming]
Get away from me!
[mimicking Bobby] Get away from me.
-Come on, eat some dirt!
-Let go of my purse!
I don't know you!
[groaning]
Who's next?
[groaning]
[dog barking]
[dog barking]
(Bobby) Mom! Dad!
Chang was waiting for me after school!
Did you remember to tell him
that inside every bully there's a coward?
That's okay, Peggy.
I don't see any blood. No dirt.
You ran away, didn't you?
No. I stayed and fought! And I won!
This is so much cooler
than getting beat up!
Well, all right, Son!
You know, that Chang Wassanasong...
must know all kinds
of Oriental martial arts.
And you beat him
with good old American YMCA know-how.
Yeah, we're all excited.
But before you get too carried away...
I should let you know
that I got detention tomorrow.
Detention for beating up a bully?
I'd say somebody's earned himself
a trip to a PG-13-rated movie.
My dad says that
whenever you're in a jail-type situation...
the best way to survive is to take out
the biggest guy there.
That way, you establish
who's boss right from the get-go.
Or you can hang yourself with your pants.
He says that's another way to go.
Which one of you guys is the tallest?
[laughing]
That's my purse!
[groaning]
I don't know you!
[groaning]
[birds chirping]
It's the metal-shop kids.
If they hassle us, just run.
They won't
be able to catch us because they smoke.
Bobby! Play any kickball today?
-Why? You up for a game?
-Just saying hi. Just saying hi.
Why are they scared?
You didn't kick another person
in the groin, did you?
Three people!
I didn't go looking for trouble.
Trouble came a-knocking...
and Bobby Hill's foot answered the door.
You know, Bobby...
I kind of liked it better
when you used to play dead...
or joked your way out of a tight spot.
I'm sorry. What were you saying?
Tony Zamarti is wide open right now.
(Bobby) Peters!
You giving my friend here a hard time?
Back off.
This is none of your business, Bobby.
-I'm making it my business, Peters.
-What are you gonna do?
You gonna kick me in the nads?
Am I going to do it? Yes.
When am I gonna do it? Don't know.
Could be tomorrow.... Now!
[groaning]
One thing you'll find out about me, Clark...
is that I'm not a very patient person.
[exclaiming]
I wish I'd called you folks here
under pleasanter circumstances.
But I'm afraid your son's
been caught fighting again...
on the school grounds.
First of all,
my son was just defending himself.
Second of all,
I do consider these pleasant circumstances.
Emily, send Bobby in.
Bobby, you want to tell your parents
how you won your fight?
-Which one? The one against Chang?
-Sure.
Okay. There I was
standing in front of Chang.
It didn't look good. I mean, let's face it.
He's faster and stronger than me.
So, if I was gonna
beat this guy, I had to act fast.
-Smart thinking, Son.
-So, I faked to my left.
But he got ahold of me
and knocked me down. Down but not out.
I yelled, ""Let go of my purse,""
at the top of my lungs.
Then, with all my might...
I kicked him
as hard as I could in his testicles.
What?
Tell your parents
about the Clark Peters fight.
-So, there I was standing--
-Ju-just skip to the end of the fight.
You mean before
or after I kicked him in the testicles?
Bobby, l....
Where in the heck did you learn to do that?
At the women's
self-defense course I signed up for at the Y.
Women's self-defense?
What did I do?
It was your idea
to send him to the Y in the first place!
So, I could point the finger at you!
But I won't. But I could.
[sighing]
I'm afraid we're gonna
have to suspend Bobby from school...
for a couple of days.
Hank, can--can I talk to you alone?
I mean, not as principal-to-parent,
but, you know, man-to-man.
Sure.
You can't have your boy going around
kicking people in their testicles.
I know that, Carl.
(Hank) This, Bobby, is the belt line.
You never ever hit below that.
Always above. Never below.
Cassius Clay never hit below the belt.
But, Dad, if I'm in a fight with someone
who wants me to literally eat dirt...
you're telling me
I shouldn't do the one thing...
that's gonna save me. Boom!
You learned a move
in a woman's self-defense class.
-You are not a woman.
-But it works.
Son, I'm gonna show you
how to fight above the belt. Here.
They're my old YMCA gloves. Put them on.
Okay.
Now, Bobby, just to warn you...
you're probably
gonna have to take a couple of shots...
before you learn
how to protect yourself properly.
Now, get your gloves up like this. Good.
[grunts]
Keep your hands up, Bobby,
and move a little.
Don't just stand there like a pole.
Come on. Come on.
[groaning]
Come on. You're not moving.
I am too! I'm backing away from you!
Come on,
from side to side, Son. Like this. See?
Come on. Come on. Here we go.
Okay. Okay, now try to hit me
with a punch, as hard as you can. Come on.
[grunting]
You leave your face open,
you're gonna get popped. See? See?
Pop? Pop? See?
[grunting]
[screaming]
You left yourself open, Dad.
Pop, pop.
[Hank groaning]
You have been kicked in the testicles.
[groaning]
I palpated the left teste
and everything checks out.
There's gonna be
quite a bit of swelling for a few days.
-What about the other one?
-We can't find it right now.
[groaning]
No, no need to panic, though!
I'm sure it's there.
It'll probably make an appearance
when the swelling goes down.
Man, lie still, man.
You know, don't try
to move, man, because....
[laughing]
Kicking all them nuts, man.
Let alone testicles.
Don't move, man.
Dad, l--I thought
maybe you'd like some ice cream.
[people chattering on TV]
[sighing]
I'm sorry about what happened.
-But when you hit me in the nose--
-You mean the nose above your belt?
If I remember correctly...
and your shot below my belt
hasn't affected my memory...
I was teaching you
how to fight above the belt.
It was the way I learned
how to defend myself.
By kicking me in my fellas?
Dirty pool, Mister. Dirty pool.
[sighs] Now, let's discuss
your punishment.
Punishment? For what?
You told me to go to the Y
and learn to defend myself and I did!
No television, no video games,
and no ice cream until further notice.
-That's not fair! You can't do that!
-I'll tell you what I can't do.
Sleep on my stomach!
But I can sure as heck punish you.
[Hank sighing]
Bill, toss me a beer.
I have to take my anti-coagulant.
I live in constant fear of the day...
Joseph finally can take down his old man.
If I were him, I'd do it while I was sleeping.
Best chance he's got.
Although, I've recently learned
how to sleep with my eyes open.
God, am I tired!
How I wish I had a son
to kick me in the nuts.
[groans]
Be careful what you wish for.
Yeah. I promise you
Bobby's sorry he ever did that.
Right now he's out back pulling weeds.
No gloves, no weasel.
Ragweed for m'lady.
Where have you been?
Word in the halls is you got suspended
for kicking Principal Moss in the crotch.
What? No. That's crazy.
I kicked my dad in the crotch.
You kicked your father?
We all have those feelings, Bobby...
but you never act on them.
[knocking at door]
I heard what you did
to Chang Wassanasong. Unforgivable.
Then I heard what you did to your father.
Very funny. So, I'm conflicted.
My dad didn't think it was funny.
So he's given me a million chores to do.
What? The old man punishing you?
You don't have to take that from him.
Till he can get up
from that chair, you the boss!
[beeping]
That better not be what I think it is.
And I think it's a Game Boy.
Is it a Game Boy?
Yeah, Dad. It's a Game Boy.
That's a videogame.
I told you no videogames. Give it to me.
-Hold on. I'm almost done.
-Now.
-ln a minute.
-lf you don't bring that to me right now--
In a minute. In a minute.
[groaning]
Get back here!
God, the pain is unbearable!
All right, Mister, you've got one minute.
[gasping]
Dang it, Bobby!
It has been at least a minute.
-You started a new game, didn't you?
-Yes.
-We had a deal!
-Hank, what is going on?
I'm punishing Bobby.
I'm not gonna ask you again.
Give me that goddang videogame.
Not now.
I'm dealing with a giant spider here.
Bobby Hill, you give your father that game
and you do it right now!
That's okay. I got it under control.
He's gonna give me the game.
Soon. Soon. I'm almost bored with it.
-Why don't you go inside? I'll find you later.
-Come on.
-Hand it over!
-Mom, this is between Dad and me.
And I'll give him the Game Boy
when I decide I'm ready to.
That is it! I would not let a stranger,
let alone my own son...
think for one second
that they can get away...
with showing any disrespect
towards the man that I love!
You do that, and you have to
deal with Peggy Hill!
What are you doing, Mom?
What are you doing?
-Come on, Mom. Don't.
-Game over, Bobby!
[both grunting]
Come on. That's it!
Come on! Show me what you got!
[groaning]
(Peggy) Give me that Game Boy!
Give me that....
[both grunting]
No!
[panting]
Clever little.... Got you!
(Peggy) Come to Mama.
That's right. And I have....
[both grunting]
Yeah!
That's mine! Give it back!
In a minute.
That's my purse!
[Bobby grunting]
That's right, Bobby.
I believe you will find
that I have no testicles.
-Where's your secret weapon now?
-She bluffing! Finish her!
I'm sorry, Mom. It was a reflex.
[grunting]
Mom, okay! I said I was sorry!
[groaning]
All right, Peggy, let him go.
Dinner in 10.
I guess next time
you won't try to take on your old man.
What are you so proud about?
You had to get Mom
to fight your battle for you.
That's worse than me
kicking below the belt.
[laughing]
Yeah. It's not so fun
when someone doesn't fight fair, is it?
Just remember
I can get her to do that any time I want.
[grunts]
Peggy?
(Peggy) Is there a problem out there, Hank?
We'll be right in. Now, go wash up.
[groaning]
Okay, deep breath.
[Haik groaiiig]
(Bobby) That's my purse! I doi't kiow you!