King of the Hill (1997–2010): Season 5, Episode 9 - Chasing Bobby - full transcript

Hank's classic pick-up truck has just about seen its days, but Hank is very emotionally attached to his automobile and, that night when going to see an effeminate movie, Hank sheds tears, because it reminded him of his ongoing love for his truck. The mechanics say it's hopeless to fix, but Hank won't give up. That's when Bobby tells Hank about a place called Pick-Up Truck Heaven. Hank, thinking it's another mechanic, agrees to go along, until he learns it's really an auto dealership. En route home, the truck breaks down on railroad tracks. As if that weren't bad enough, a train was coming. The truck refused to start up again and the train was getting closer. Will Hank go down with his beloved machine or face up to reality and move on?

[Tranquil instrumental music]

Okay, I have narrowed it down
to one movie.

We are seeing The Flowers of Time,
rated PG-13...

by the
Motion Picture Association of America...

and PG-12 by Peggy Hill.

When I agreed to see a movie today...

I assumed it was understood
that I meant not a ladies' picture.

Hank, just because it takes place
on a rose farm...

does not mean it's a ladies' picture.

It doesn't help.

[Car engine sputtering]



Dang it!
She's been giving me trouble all week.

First it was the distributor components...

then I had to tweak
the carburetor's fuel-air mixture...

Oh, for God's sake!
Just take it to a mechanic.

Another man touching her all over,
playing with her manifolds?

And then making Hank pay for it?

- Don't tell me.
- You'll pay for it.

Peggy, this truck has been through
four presidents...

three Cowboy Super Bowl victories,
and zero mechanics.

There she goes.
All right, everyone in, quick.

To The Flowers of Time.

$5 a ton if you feed it to pigs...

and it's the exact same corn.

And they said
nobody beats the claw machine.



That's great, Son. Now give it to Connie.

No. She won it for me.

This is Charlton Heston
and Ethan Hawke's third movie together.

The first two went straight to video.

- Dale and I are the only guys here.
- No.

There are two gentlemen right over there.
The ones with the mustaches.

Hank, now look. That is a pillow sham.

The only thing keeping you alive
is the pressure of the tractor.

Son, I never really got around
to saying a lot of things.

For being 106,
that man has a magnificent head of hair.

Shush, sug'.

This movie is good enough
to have been based on a novel. Hank?

I won't make it to harvest this year, Son.

Yes, you will. You have to.

I am so proud of you...

Nathaniel.

You are my rose.

[Crying]

- Hank, are you crying?
- Nope.

Just watching the movie.

Hank, you're scaring me.
What the hell is going on?

I'm okay.
Please continue to look at the screen.

Hank Hill is weeping
like a little French girl.

Come see what Channel 84 calls...

'"a fragrant bouquet of human emotions. '"

Oh, Hank, come on. There's no reason
to be ashamed about your crying.

- But yet, I am.
- I wasn't crying.

Coming from the heat of outdoors and
then into the air-conditioned theater...

is naturally gonna cause
some condensation.

Now, I am not a professional psychologist,
but I am an amateur psychologist.

And I think
that this spontaneous eye-watering...

may have something to do
with your father.

Nope. It has nothing to do with anything.

Well, think about it. You have
a strained relationship with your dad...

and your greatest fear is that he will die...

without telling you
how much he loves you.

You are Ethan Hawke, Hank.

That's just crazy talk.

Our relationship is strained but fine.

Wait. I don't know why I didn't see this.

You're right. You are not Ethan Hawke.

You are Charlton Heston.
Bobby is Ethan Hawke.

- Yes. Done.
- No, it is not done.

You and Bobby are very distant
emotionally and quite distant physically.

And you know that if you were
ever pinned under a tractor...

Bobby wouldn't be able to lift it...

and you wouldn't be able to tell him
that you love him.

- That, Hank, that is why you were crying.
- No.

There is something wrong with my eyes.
Something seriously wrong.

- Yep, that's it. Good night.
- Oh. Okay.

So now you're the amateur doctor.
Interesting.

Bill, knock-knock.

- Who's there?
- Boo.

- Boo who?
- "Boo-Hoo" Hank.

Man, that is a good one.
Man, I got another one.

What do you call the difference
between a man and a little squirt gun?

- What?
- Hank.

So, I forgot how long the straw was,
and it caught me in the eye.

That was Sprite running down
my cheek, not tears.

- Okay.
- Let's go, Hank.

We have a 2:00
with an optician at the mall.

He's not a doctor.

But there is nothing medically wrong with
you, so it doesn't really matter, does it?

How much longer would you say
you have to be this close to my face?

I'm not really finding anything wrong
with your eyes, Mr. Hill.

Just as I thought
and diagnosed yesterday.

Are you ready to admit
you were crying, Hank?

Or do we need to see a brain doctor?

Because I will go right back in there
and get a referral.

[Car engine sputtering]

Okay, you were right.

I am crying.

- You happy now?
- Well, I'm...

I'm happy for me, but I am sad for you.

But, honey, I promise to keep this
between you, me, Bobby...

and the family therapist
we will undoubtedly have to see.

I'm not crying because of Bobby.

Charlton Heston isn't me or Bobby.
Charlton Heston is...

Is my truck.

No, this is not because
of your truck, Hank.

I think something's wrong with her.

I checked this morning...

and there was water in the exhaust.

Oh, God!

[Rock music playing]

Mr. Hill, I'm afraid the news isn't good.

She's only got about 500 miles left,
600 if you drive downhill a lot.

- I'm just gonna close her up.
- You're not even gonna try to fix it?

It would cost more to fix this truck
than it's worth.

No, sir, I do not accept your answer.

This truck has given me
20 years of reliable service...

and you cannot put
a blue-book value on that.

Now who's gonna tow me home?

Hank's never gonna let this truck go,
and we're the ones who are gonna suffer.

We will now be "rides to the Auto Zone"...

and "those chumps
who will push my truck."

You can't blame Hank
for being attached to his truck.

He loves it. And that's what you do
when you love something.

You cling to it
so it doesn't try to run away.

I've had my van for 10 years.

First sign of weakness,
I'll shoot her myself.

[Car engine starts]

Look, she's running.

All I did was change the spark plugs...

adjust the valve train
and rebuild the carburetor.

She's purring like Eartha Kitt.

[Imitating Kitt's purr]

You got a dang old fire in the hole, man.
Ain't gonna do nothing but blow, man!

No, nothing to worry about.
Probably just a leak in the fuel line.

I'll just have to watch it
until the engine runs out of gas.

Yep.

- Yep.
- Mm-hm.

Yep.

All right, Bobby.

I think the carburetor just needed
a little fine-tuning. Crank it gently.

[Car engine starts]

[Horn honking]

Peggy, I know you said you'd divorce me
if I got rid of the Maverick.

- So I hope you were kidding.
- Hank, it's beautiful.

Hey, Dale, do you mind driving me over
to the Auto Zone?

I'm just gonna break down
and buy a new carburetor.

And so it begins.

Sorry I'm almost late, sir.

I tried that new left-turn lane on Fourth.
It was okay.

Yeah, yeah. I need you, Hank.

Clark Mobile Homes is threatening
to cancel their account.

Oh, God! They have a heated pool
and communal barbecue pits.

What the...

I mean, what seems to be the problem
with Mr. Clark?

It seems Enrique's been
short-filling their tanks.

- Why would he do that?
- Well, I told him to.

Cripes almighty! It's hot in here!

Really?

I was just thinking
it was a little chilly, actually.

Now, someone's lying to me.

Let's see.

Is it the girl in Accounting, my daughter?

Or you fellows?

Scout's honor, Roy.

If Hank says those tanks were filled,
by God, those tanks were filled!

Actually, sir, if you recall,
what I said was...

Whoo-ee! I don't like to get this sweaty...

lessen I have a, you know,
little lady to towel off on.

We lost the account, didn't we?

So I raised my hand and said:

"Mrs. Donovan, I think I speak
for the whole class...

"when I say the homework load
has been a little heavy lately."

And the class erupted.

Bobby was in the middle of a great story.

- Start again, Bobby. Lots of energy.
- Okay.

It was a day like any other...

Here's a story for you.

I've had a long day
and I lost a big account...

and I don't have the energy
to listen to any stories. The end.

Bobby, honey, it is not because
he doesn't love you.

I know. It's because of his truck.

Well, that is
what he keeps saying anyway.

But what I think would really
help your father "fix his truck"...

is for the two of you
to spend some good time together.

Fixing his truck?

It doesn't matter what you do, Bobby.

No. Wait, honey.

Don't tell him any more
of those boring school stories, okay?

Hey, Dad. Need an extra set of hands?

That is not a toy, it's for lying down on.

Dang it, Bobby!

People are gonna see this oil stain
and think I'm a drunk. Now clean it up.

"We perform miracles
at Pick-Up Truck Heaven."

So I called and told them
the transmission's shot...

and the engine mounts are rusty,
and it was catching fire a lot...

and they said, "No problem."

This place is all the way in West Durndell.

I'm not gonna drive my truck 40 miles
on some magic-carpet ride...

so some jackass mechanic can tell me
there's nothing he can do.

Come on, Dad.

Your truck drove you to the hospital when
you cut your toe with a weed-whacker.

You owe it to her to at least try.

And you owe it to Bobby
to take him along.

After all, this is his brilliant idea.

I wish I could take credit for it.
Oh, I did buy the newspaper.

BOBBY: I'm not sure.

The address is either 1523...

or 1528.

It says,
"Look for the giant inflated gorilla."

BOBBY: Is that it?

Hello. I am Marty Mendez.
You must be Mr. Hill.

I recognized your truck
from your son's description.

You have my condolences.

- Tell me, Marty, what do you recommend?
- A new truck.

You're not a mechanic at all.
You're a salesman.

I am the salesman.

Salesman of the Month, March '98.

I'm sure I mentioned that to your son.
I'm very proud of it.

How could you?

Eighty-four miles I'll never get back.

It's not all my fault.
Mom did buy the paper.

I'm as mad at her as you are.

[Car engine sputtering]

Come on.

Bobby, take the wheel.

I can't push it myself.

She's too solidly manufactured.

[Train approaching]

Stop making train noises. It's not funny.

Dad, it's not me. I think there's a...

[Bell ringing]

Bobby, get away from the tracks, now!

Dad, leave it!

Stop! Someone's on the tracks!

Stop the train! Stop!

No!

So that's what it sounds like
when a train hits a truck.

It was a little more trucky
than I would have thought...

considering how much train there was.

This is all your fault. You killed my truck.

I was just trying to help.

And if it wasn't the train,
it would have been something else.

That mechanic said
it only had 500 miles left.

Even if he was right, which he wasn't...

if I only drove 5 miles a year,
I could have had her another 100 years.

We should have asked for a lift.

You just sit here
and try not to break any more trucks.

You're back.

Save your fancy come-ons
for the Okies, okay?

I told you before, I'm not interested.

And none of your song and dance
is gonna change that.

Believe me, it would.

Now, as long as you have come back...

I feel I must tell you
that this bad boy comes...

with a sunroof and seat-warmers
in its standard package.

Well, sounds great.
Let me just put on a dress and hop on up.

- Look, I just need a phone.
- There's one in the truck.

I'm just being honest with you.

I'm just gonna use the pay phone
in the showroom.

Bobby, I'll just be a minute.

Bobby?

You looking for a little kid
about this big by this big?

- He said he's walking home.
- What?

- Why didn't you try to stop him?
- Looked like he could use the exercise.

Red or green, honey?

Well, I give up.

I don't know if it was you or the truck...

but I need to test-drive this beauty
right now.

I knew it.

It feels like March '98 all over again. Yes.

Excuse me, I'm looking for my son.

A kid came running by,
asking for directions to Arlen.

That's him.

I pointed him north on Mariposa,
but he went west on Travis.

The way I pointed.

Okay, west.

Bobby?

Anti-lock brakes.
That's why they didn't lock.

You can do it, Bobby. Only 39 miles to go.

Bobby, quick. Get in.

I'm fine, thank you. I am walking home.

Bobby, you got tired
on the drive over here.

Look, Bobby, I'm sorry I blamed you
for killing my truck.

- I know it wasn't intentional.
- Well, you're damn right it wasn't!

You think you're the only one
who loved that truck?

I spent the best years of my life
in that truck.

You did love my truck?

I'm sorry I never got a chance
to tell her that.

Come on. Why don't you climb on up?

It's got seat-warmers.

My butt is kind of numb.

Hey, I got my own airbag...

and a vanity mirror.

I look pretty sweet in this truck.

I found this by the tracks.

You know,
maybe she died there for a reason.

Like she was trying to tell you something.

Like, "Go back to the dealership
and buy a new truck.

"It's okay. I'm in a better..."

And then the train hit her.

Yeah, maybe you're right.

Maybe she is looking down on us
right now, from pick-up truck heaven.

You know, the real one.

Oh, man! There's something in my eye.

Yeah, it's the new-car smell.

It's very strong.

- I love this truck.
- Yeah, me, too.

But when we get back to the dealership,
pretend you hate it.

BOBBY: To The Flowers of Time.