King of the Hill (1997–2010): Season 4, Episode 2 - Cotton's Plot - full transcript
Cotton helps Peggy rehabilitate, while Peggy uncovers the truth behind Cotton's war stories.
[Saw whirring]
Huh, they can make a saw
that doesn't cut skin...
but they can't make a parachute
that opens.
Can we move this along?
l have a full day ahead of me.
Boggle with Nancy at 2:00,
softball practice at 4:00...
and at some point
l should probably take a shower.
DOCTOR: Now, Peggy,
don't expect to be 100% right away.
lt's likely your muscles have atrophied.
Well, what you may not know, Doctor,
is that every morning since the accident...
l have been doing isometric butt clenches.
No, thank you, Doctor.
l will take over from here.
[Peggy exclaims]
[Theme song]
[People chattering]
HANK: Well, what do you know?
lt doesn't smell in here at all.
WOMAN: ...all your strength....
MAN: Here you go.
WOMAN: There you go.
[Patient moaning]
HANK: Come on, Peggy.
You'll be back on your feet in no time.
Stop moping.
l am not moping.
l'm having trouble supporting my head.
Peggy Hill. All right.
My name's Ramsey.
l'm your physical therapist,
and l'm gonna have you...
walking again in no time.
PEGGY: You will?
RAMSEY: Sure.
Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow.
ln a month? Way too soon.
Don't be so tough on yourself.
Nobody spends six weeks in a cast
without their body going a little soft.
But that's okay.
Water's soft, too.
But give it time
and it'll carve the Grand Canyon.
Now that didn't take a day,
a week, or even a month.
lt took over 200 years.
The Grand Canyon took millions of years.
You got to learn to trust me, Mrs. Hill.
We're gonna be working together
one hour at a time, once a week...
for however long
it takes to carve you a Grand Canyon.
We're gonna do this drop by drop.
Are you with me?
Well, all right.
l guess so.
Okay. Let's do it.
Great! See you next week.
-Next week....
-Drop by drop, Mrs. Flores.
There, you got it.
Now l am moping.
HANK: No peeking.
l'm not peeking.
HANK: Okay, you can open your eyes.
Okay. They're open.
Luanne.
[Luanne exclaims cheerfully]
Remember the ten bags of cement
you said l'd never use?
Well, l used one.
PEGGY: A wheelchair ramp.
Well, l thank you.
Now l don't have to be trapped
in the house, huh?
l can go anywhere.
ln my wheelchair. Thank you.
Look, Dad. l'm Sophia Loren, huh?
[Hank sighs]
Bobby, l'm driving you to school today.
We need to talk.
l'm late for parenting class.
Luanne, could you give me a ride?
And help me find the baby?
l sure am glad
you're out of that body cast, Peggy.
Well, thank you, Bill.
What do you suppose they do
with something like that?
Throw it out, l imagine.
[Melancholic instrumental music]
[Peggy grunting]
[Cotton exclaims sympathetically]
[Peggy groaning]
[Peggy grunts]
[Sighs in dejection]
Ain't you gonna eat your waffle,
Hank's wife?
lt's right in front of you.
Reach for it.
Come on!
You wouldn't last a day
in a Japanese POW camp.
Excuse me?
Tojo had me cooped up
in a bamboo rat cage.
COTTON: There was nothing
to eat except rats...
so that's what l ate.
After two weeks,
l was down to my last rat.
l let him live so l could eat his droppings.
Called it ''jungle rice.''
Tasted fine.
[Wheelchair clanks]
And by September
l was finally thin enough...
to slip between the bamboo bars
of my cage.
l strangled the guard with a rope
made of braided rat tails and ran to safety.
[Car honking]
PEGGY: Thank God!
Well, that's my ride to rehab.
To be continued.
[Rock music playing on stereo]
-l can't.
-That's okay.
-l can't.
-Drop by drop.
-l can't.
-lt's all right.
Great set. You showed that rubber band
who was boss.
But you told me
to do eight to twelve reps.
l maybe did zero to one reps,
if you count that last one.
Every drop counts, Mrs. Hill.
You're wearing down the rock.
And, by the way, l checked.
We were both right.
lt was 200 million years.
[Door slams]
HANK: So, how was rehab?
PEGGY: l stretched a rubber band today.
That's great!
Who am l kidding?
That rubber band kicked my ass.
HANK: Look, l know you're disappointed.
You just gotta take it one day at a time,
like the drunks do.
Hank, l just wanna go to sleep.
Fetal position, please.
[Humming]
[Exclaiming cheerfully]
-What?
-l just....
[Fumbles nervously]
Dale, l just get so lonely.
And we both like playing Boggle.
Of course, she always wins, doesn't she?
Please don't tell Hank.
l want her for the carpool lane.
[Horn honking]
Okay!
[Peggy thudding on the ground]
[Solemn instrumental music]
[Peggy moaning]
[Cotton laughing]
That what they been
teaching you in rehab, Hank's wife?
Okay, Cotton, you have had your fun.
Now why don't you help me into my chair?
Why don't you help yourself?
Well, l am trying.
Don't you think l am trying? l can't.
Because you're weak.
You ain't got the guts.
You don't deserve to walk again.
DRlVER: Peggy Hill!
She'll be right there.
You wanna waste your time in a rehab?
Get in your chair and go.
You sadistic son of a--
What are you on your knees for, woman?
Praying ain't gonna help.
lf God loved you,
he'd have opened your sissy chute.
You shut up, you....
[Peggy grunting]
[Exclaims in relief]
[Car horn honking]
Teach me to walk.
You ready to hate me more
than you ever hated anyone in your life?
-l already do.
-Then we're halfway there.
[Cheerful instrumental music]
Don't you eyeball me.
Don't look away.
Sitting there all high and mighty
in your wheelchair...
like you're some
Franklin D. Eleanor Roosevelt.
Well, l got a telegram for you.
You're no FDR. Stop.
You're wasting my time. Stop.
l'm not even sure you want to walk.
Well, Cotton, of course l do.
Well, tell me you wanna walk.
l wanna walk.
l can't hear you.
l want to walk.
-What's that?
-l want to walk!
Good.
Now shine my boots.
And make them all sparkly,
l'm gonna be buried
in those Nazi-stompers,,,
at the Texas State Cemetery.
That's where our government
inters its war heroes.
''lnters'' means bury.
''War heroes'' means me.
-They're letting you in there?
-Well, first l got to die.
But before that,
l got to fill out an application...
and be approved by a damn commission.
l killed 50 men,
and now l gotta go begging...
for a war hero's grave?
lt ain't right.
My arms are tired.
And l was tired, too...
when l was ordered to retake
one of the airfields in the Solomon lslands.
But l retook it anyway.
[Guns firing]
COTTON: [Voiceover] Tojo had
a machine-gun nest high up on a hill,
Had my whole unit pinned down,
So l snuck myself behind enemy lines,,,
in a 55-gallon drum of sake,
Held my breath
until they got good and drunk,
And then l jumped out,
spitting out the oil into my Zippo,
[Soldiers screaming]
Yup. l hibachied the whole squad.
Come on, lady, make them shine,
[Peggy spits]
Well, you just shaved two minutes
off my commute.
[Sighs in pleasure]
Thanks, Peggy.
[Screams in surprise]
DALE: Please don't tell Hank.
This is disrespectful,
kind of, like, just like Bill Dauterive, man.
Not angry, man.
Just very dang disappointed, man.
Very.
[Peggy humming]
Playtime's over, Hank's wife.
[Baby crying]
Now look what you done. He's crying.
[Cotton cooing]
Poor little baby sitting on a fresh grenade.
Nobody likes that.
Well, l can't get to him.
Crawl, damn it.
COTTON: Guam, 1944.
l crawled through a minefield to retrieve
Gen. MacArthur's corncob pipe.
That's right, l'm a hero.
They're gonna bury me
in the Texas State Cemetery.
You? You're a coward.
They'll bury you up on Coward's Hill.
l am not a coward.
[Baby continues crying]
[Peggy grunts]
[Laughs sarcastically]
What are you doing? Swatting flies?
Or just waving hello?
Well, hello to you, too,
you fly-swatting loser.
Now move it.
Colonel, l think the baby's crying.
Now, good job.
Those parenting classes
are starting to pay off.
Thank you.
Well, l don't mean to brag
about the steaks here...
but, Dad, you can take out your teeth.
Shouldn't we wait for Aunt Peggy
to get back from rehab?
My God! Was it my turn to pick her up?
She quit the rehab.
-She what?
-Yup.
l'm in charge now.
She's making good progress.
Don't need her wheelchair no more.
[Peggy yells]
[Peggy moaning and panting]
My God, Peggy!
What have you done to my wife?
Turned her into a highly trained,
highly motivated fighting machine.
HANK: This is crazy, Dad.
You're not a medical professional,
First thing tomorrow,
we're going back to rehab.
ls that what you want?
You wanna drop out of the program?
Sir, no, sir.
[Peggy grunts]
[Heroic instrumental music]
[Groaning]
[Peggy screams]
Good effort. Have some chow.
PEGGY: Hank, this steak is so tender.
COTTON: Had to get you out of that house.
Nothing there but girls and babies.
l'm referring to your husband.
That's why l brought you here.
Meet the greatest collection of soldiers
this country has ever known.
Stinky, Fatty, Stinky, Brooklyn,
Stinky, Brooklyn,,,
Fatty, Fatty, and Doc,
And lrwin Linker,
Men have fought and died for the flag...
and now we're giving you the honor
of raising it.
Show us how a real hero starts his day.
[Peggy grunts]
[Patriotic instrumental music]
How many boots did you shine?
Your arms are still flabby.
You done left Old Glory at half-mast,
Well, who died?
ls it you?
Are you dying on me? Go ahead.
'Cause you don't deserve to live,
you worthless....
[Veterans gasp]
[Laughs]
Well, what do you know?
That gal might have what it takes after all.
[Veterans cheering]
Now, raise that flag.
[Patriotic instrumental music resumes]
Peggy, l'm setting the alarm for 7:00.
HANK: Dang it.
Nope. Set it for 5:30.
Cotton wants me to cut back on my sleep.
Says it's making me soft.
Peggy, you remember
how you've always hated my father?
Well, l never wanted to say anything
because l didn't want to hurt your feelings.
l think my dad is not
too fond of you, either.
Pretty much.
l'm just afraid he's taking advantage
of your condition to....
Well, l don't know...
torture you or something.
Hank, he's not torturing me.
The man is inspiring me.
And with his help...
Peggy Hill is doing things
l could never have done on her own.
[Moans]
That's why l'm helping him
with his application.
Did he ever tell you
how he survived eight days in a life raft...
by trapping rainwater
in his upturned eyelids?
Yeah, he might have mentioned that
once or twice.
May 2, '45.
During the battle for Okinawa...
Cotton invented a bayonet technique
that is still used to gut men today.
April 30, '45, at the occupation of Munich--
Hold on a minute. Munich, Germany?
Yes, Hank.
Well, how did my dad fight
in Germany and Japan at the same time?
Well, let's see.
April 30, May 2, that's two whole days.
How long does it take to kill 50 men?
How long does it take to kill 50 men?
[Suspenseful instrumental music]
[Alarm clock beeping]
Well, let's get to work.
Come on. Grab some floor.
Hold on, Cotton.
-l have a few questions--
-You don't ask me questions.
l ask the questions around here.
COTTON: Move it.
[Peggy yells in pain]
COTTON: What's wrong with you?
You crawled yesterday.
Now, come at me like on Okinawa
when the Tojos came at me...
faster than l could gut them,
so l had to gut them faster.
You were never on Okinawa.
Yes, l was.
Then you were never in Munich.
Yes, l was.
Morning, Hank.
Scrambled. Black. Sports page.
COTTON: You got five minutes.
PEGGY: God! lt was all lies.
PEGGY: Why did l ever believe him?
Why did l ever think that l could walk?
Don't talk like that, Peggy.
So l was right. That's not important now.
What is important is that
you get right back up on that horse.
There you go.
Pass me Cotton's application.
He may rot in hell...
but he will not rot
in the Texas State Cemetery.
[Solemn instrumental music]
[Patriotic instrumental music]
Colonel, from your dress and demeanor...
can l assume you are about to take
your own life in a cheap motel room...
with your service revolver?
No cigar, Gribble.
l'm headed over
to the Texas State Cemetery.
You can't wear that to my hearing.
Don't worry, Cotton. l won't.
Well, good.
Now change and meet me there.
And show some leg.
They ain't got much tone,
but gams is gams.
Let's go, Hank.
l just talked to Ramsey.
He said he'll take you back,
but he's gotta warn you...
Mrs. Flores is already
combing her own hair...
so don't get jealous.
Who's ready for a sponge bath?
Let's see. Bicep curls.
RAMSEY: Where did we stop?
HANK: 5 pounds.
l'd like the half-pounders, please.
Okay. Let's get busy.
[Chuckles]
Just kidding. Let's take it slow.
For your portrayal
of Dr. Jerry Kenderson on TV's Dallas,,,
1984 to 1986,
we proudly assign you, Barry Jenner...
Cemetery Plot 4, Section K.
Thank you.
They're gonna run out of graves.
CHAlRMAN: That concludes
today's business.
The Texas State Cemetery commission
will reconvene in six months.
COTTON: Hold on!
COTTON: You fellows got
one more man to bury.
All right. Pass up your application.
Well, l don't have it on me at the moment.
lt's being crippled over.
Give me another minute, please.
-l'm afraid that's impossible.
-No!
Not the gavel! Don't bang the--
This meeting is not adjourned.
[Peggy groans]
Way to go, Peggy!
You're doing just great.
Would you please stop yelling at me!
What was l thinking? Munich? Rat tails?
He's no hero. He was just torturing me.
He is a complete fraud.
[Hank sighs and mutters]
What?
What are you muttering?
Are you actually trying to defend him?
l said, ''That fraud used to be 6'4.''
So?
When he came back from the Pacific,
he was 5 foot even.
A Japanese machine-gun
blew away his shins.
The doctor said he'd never walk again.
Eighteen months later,
he walked right over to that doctor,,,
reached up
and punched him in the kidneys.
Now, l can't prove
what he did at those battles.
ln fact, l don't even know if the part
about hitting the doctor is true...
but l do know
that my dad doesn't have shins...
and somehow he walks.
And that's pretty heroic to me.
And that is what l was muttering.
l'm an old man. l got a newborn son.
l can't let him visit me
at a civilian cemetery.
COTTON: What kind of place is that
for a child's birthday party?
PEGGY: Mr. Chairman,
the chair recognizes Mrs. Peggy Hill.
PEGGY: ln deference
to the committee's busy schedule...
l have chosen to highlight only a few...
of Cotton Hill's many acts of bravery...
at Guam, the Solomon lslands,
Sardinia, and Okinawa.
Damn, woman, you forgot Munich.
You were never in Munich.
l wasn't? No.
[Soft instrumental music]
Dad. Stephen Austin.
ls that the bionic guy or the wrestler?
COTTON: l found it!
[Bugle playing]
lt's a lovely grave, Cotton.
You deserve it.
[Sentimental instrumental music]
COTTON: Ain't you coming, Hank's wife?
That's okay. l can see it from here.
COTTON: Not the same. Out of the chair.
Let's go. Start climbing.
But l can't.
What do you mean you can't?
You mean you won't.
'Cause you're weak and lazy.
Cotton, please.
l climbed the cliffs of Normandy...
with a 50-pound ice-cream maker
strapped to my back...
and you're telling me
you can't climb a stupid little hill?
All right, Cotton.
Look, l know what you're doing,
but l am very tired--
You get to the top of that hill
and l'll let you dance on my grave.
[Peggy grunts]
[Peggy moans and groans]
Let's go.
Move it.
COTTON: Come on.
[Heroic instrumental music]
[Peggy panting]
[Sighing in relief]
Cotton, may l have this dance?
[Peggy exclaims]
[Heroic instrumental music continues]
[Theme song]
COTTON: l can't hear you!
Huh, they can make a saw
that doesn't cut skin...
but they can't make a parachute
that opens.
Can we move this along?
l have a full day ahead of me.
Boggle with Nancy at 2:00,
softball practice at 4:00...
and at some point
l should probably take a shower.
DOCTOR: Now, Peggy,
don't expect to be 100% right away.
lt's likely your muscles have atrophied.
Well, what you may not know, Doctor,
is that every morning since the accident...
l have been doing isometric butt clenches.
No, thank you, Doctor.
l will take over from here.
[Peggy exclaims]
[Theme song]
[People chattering]
HANK: Well, what do you know?
lt doesn't smell in here at all.
WOMAN: ...all your strength....
MAN: Here you go.
WOMAN: There you go.
[Patient moaning]
HANK: Come on, Peggy.
You'll be back on your feet in no time.
Stop moping.
l am not moping.
l'm having trouble supporting my head.
Peggy Hill. All right.
My name's Ramsey.
l'm your physical therapist,
and l'm gonna have you...
walking again in no time.
PEGGY: You will?
RAMSEY: Sure.
Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow.
ln a month? Way too soon.
Don't be so tough on yourself.
Nobody spends six weeks in a cast
without their body going a little soft.
But that's okay.
Water's soft, too.
But give it time
and it'll carve the Grand Canyon.
Now that didn't take a day,
a week, or even a month.
lt took over 200 years.
The Grand Canyon took millions of years.
You got to learn to trust me, Mrs. Hill.
We're gonna be working together
one hour at a time, once a week...
for however long
it takes to carve you a Grand Canyon.
We're gonna do this drop by drop.
Are you with me?
Well, all right.
l guess so.
Okay. Let's do it.
Great! See you next week.
-Next week....
-Drop by drop, Mrs. Flores.
There, you got it.
Now l am moping.
HANK: No peeking.
l'm not peeking.
HANK: Okay, you can open your eyes.
Okay. They're open.
Luanne.
[Luanne exclaims cheerfully]
Remember the ten bags of cement
you said l'd never use?
Well, l used one.
PEGGY: A wheelchair ramp.
Well, l thank you.
Now l don't have to be trapped
in the house, huh?
l can go anywhere.
ln my wheelchair. Thank you.
Look, Dad. l'm Sophia Loren, huh?
[Hank sighs]
Bobby, l'm driving you to school today.
We need to talk.
l'm late for parenting class.
Luanne, could you give me a ride?
And help me find the baby?
l sure am glad
you're out of that body cast, Peggy.
Well, thank you, Bill.
What do you suppose they do
with something like that?
Throw it out, l imagine.
[Melancholic instrumental music]
[Peggy grunting]
[Cotton exclaims sympathetically]
[Peggy groaning]
[Peggy grunts]
[Sighs in dejection]
Ain't you gonna eat your waffle,
Hank's wife?
lt's right in front of you.
Reach for it.
Come on!
You wouldn't last a day
in a Japanese POW camp.
Excuse me?
Tojo had me cooped up
in a bamboo rat cage.
COTTON: There was nothing
to eat except rats...
so that's what l ate.
After two weeks,
l was down to my last rat.
l let him live so l could eat his droppings.
Called it ''jungle rice.''
Tasted fine.
[Wheelchair clanks]
And by September
l was finally thin enough...
to slip between the bamboo bars
of my cage.
l strangled the guard with a rope
made of braided rat tails and ran to safety.
[Car honking]
PEGGY: Thank God!
Well, that's my ride to rehab.
To be continued.
[Rock music playing on stereo]
-l can't.
-That's okay.
-l can't.
-Drop by drop.
-l can't.
-lt's all right.
Great set. You showed that rubber band
who was boss.
But you told me
to do eight to twelve reps.
l maybe did zero to one reps,
if you count that last one.
Every drop counts, Mrs. Hill.
You're wearing down the rock.
And, by the way, l checked.
We were both right.
lt was 200 million years.
[Door slams]
HANK: So, how was rehab?
PEGGY: l stretched a rubber band today.
That's great!
Who am l kidding?
That rubber band kicked my ass.
HANK: Look, l know you're disappointed.
You just gotta take it one day at a time,
like the drunks do.
Hank, l just wanna go to sleep.
Fetal position, please.
[Humming]
[Exclaiming cheerfully]
-What?
-l just....
[Fumbles nervously]
Dale, l just get so lonely.
And we both like playing Boggle.
Of course, she always wins, doesn't she?
Please don't tell Hank.
l want her for the carpool lane.
[Horn honking]
Okay!
[Peggy thudding on the ground]
[Solemn instrumental music]
[Peggy moaning]
[Cotton laughing]
That what they been
teaching you in rehab, Hank's wife?
Okay, Cotton, you have had your fun.
Now why don't you help me into my chair?
Why don't you help yourself?
Well, l am trying.
Don't you think l am trying? l can't.
Because you're weak.
You ain't got the guts.
You don't deserve to walk again.
DRlVER: Peggy Hill!
She'll be right there.
You wanna waste your time in a rehab?
Get in your chair and go.
You sadistic son of a--
What are you on your knees for, woman?
Praying ain't gonna help.
lf God loved you,
he'd have opened your sissy chute.
You shut up, you....
[Peggy grunting]
[Exclaims in relief]
[Car horn honking]
Teach me to walk.
You ready to hate me more
than you ever hated anyone in your life?
-l already do.
-Then we're halfway there.
[Cheerful instrumental music]
Don't you eyeball me.
Don't look away.
Sitting there all high and mighty
in your wheelchair...
like you're some
Franklin D. Eleanor Roosevelt.
Well, l got a telegram for you.
You're no FDR. Stop.
You're wasting my time. Stop.
l'm not even sure you want to walk.
Well, Cotton, of course l do.
Well, tell me you wanna walk.
l wanna walk.
l can't hear you.
l want to walk.
-What's that?
-l want to walk!
Good.
Now shine my boots.
And make them all sparkly,
l'm gonna be buried
in those Nazi-stompers,,,
at the Texas State Cemetery.
That's where our government
inters its war heroes.
''lnters'' means bury.
''War heroes'' means me.
-They're letting you in there?
-Well, first l got to die.
But before that,
l got to fill out an application...
and be approved by a damn commission.
l killed 50 men,
and now l gotta go begging...
for a war hero's grave?
lt ain't right.
My arms are tired.
And l was tired, too...
when l was ordered to retake
one of the airfields in the Solomon lslands.
But l retook it anyway.
[Guns firing]
COTTON: [Voiceover] Tojo had
a machine-gun nest high up on a hill,
Had my whole unit pinned down,
So l snuck myself behind enemy lines,,,
in a 55-gallon drum of sake,
Held my breath
until they got good and drunk,
And then l jumped out,
spitting out the oil into my Zippo,
[Soldiers screaming]
Yup. l hibachied the whole squad.
Come on, lady, make them shine,
[Peggy spits]
Well, you just shaved two minutes
off my commute.
[Sighs in pleasure]
Thanks, Peggy.
[Screams in surprise]
DALE: Please don't tell Hank.
This is disrespectful,
kind of, like, just like Bill Dauterive, man.
Not angry, man.
Just very dang disappointed, man.
Very.
[Peggy humming]
Playtime's over, Hank's wife.
[Baby crying]
Now look what you done. He's crying.
[Cotton cooing]
Poor little baby sitting on a fresh grenade.
Nobody likes that.
Well, l can't get to him.
Crawl, damn it.
COTTON: Guam, 1944.
l crawled through a minefield to retrieve
Gen. MacArthur's corncob pipe.
That's right, l'm a hero.
They're gonna bury me
in the Texas State Cemetery.
You? You're a coward.
They'll bury you up on Coward's Hill.
l am not a coward.
[Baby continues crying]
[Peggy grunts]
[Laughs sarcastically]
What are you doing? Swatting flies?
Or just waving hello?
Well, hello to you, too,
you fly-swatting loser.
Now move it.
Colonel, l think the baby's crying.
Now, good job.
Those parenting classes
are starting to pay off.
Thank you.
Well, l don't mean to brag
about the steaks here...
but, Dad, you can take out your teeth.
Shouldn't we wait for Aunt Peggy
to get back from rehab?
My God! Was it my turn to pick her up?
She quit the rehab.
-She what?
-Yup.
l'm in charge now.
She's making good progress.
Don't need her wheelchair no more.
[Peggy yells]
[Peggy moaning and panting]
My God, Peggy!
What have you done to my wife?
Turned her into a highly trained,
highly motivated fighting machine.
HANK: This is crazy, Dad.
You're not a medical professional,
First thing tomorrow,
we're going back to rehab.
ls that what you want?
You wanna drop out of the program?
Sir, no, sir.
[Peggy grunts]
[Heroic instrumental music]
[Groaning]
[Peggy screams]
Good effort. Have some chow.
PEGGY: Hank, this steak is so tender.
COTTON: Had to get you out of that house.
Nothing there but girls and babies.
l'm referring to your husband.
That's why l brought you here.
Meet the greatest collection of soldiers
this country has ever known.
Stinky, Fatty, Stinky, Brooklyn,
Stinky, Brooklyn,,,
Fatty, Fatty, and Doc,
And lrwin Linker,
Men have fought and died for the flag...
and now we're giving you the honor
of raising it.
Show us how a real hero starts his day.
[Peggy grunts]
[Patriotic instrumental music]
How many boots did you shine?
Your arms are still flabby.
You done left Old Glory at half-mast,
Well, who died?
ls it you?
Are you dying on me? Go ahead.
'Cause you don't deserve to live,
you worthless....
[Veterans gasp]
[Laughs]
Well, what do you know?
That gal might have what it takes after all.
[Veterans cheering]
Now, raise that flag.
[Patriotic instrumental music resumes]
Peggy, l'm setting the alarm for 7:00.
HANK: Dang it.
Nope. Set it for 5:30.
Cotton wants me to cut back on my sleep.
Says it's making me soft.
Peggy, you remember
how you've always hated my father?
Well, l never wanted to say anything
because l didn't want to hurt your feelings.
l think my dad is not
too fond of you, either.
Pretty much.
l'm just afraid he's taking advantage
of your condition to....
Well, l don't know...
torture you or something.
Hank, he's not torturing me.
The man is inspiring me.
And with his help...
Peggy Hill is doing things
l could never have done on her own.
[Moans]
That's why l'm helping him
with his application.
Did he ever tell you
how he survived eight days in a life raft...
by trapping rainwater
in his upturned eyelids?
Yeah, he might have mentioned that
once or twice.
May 2, '45.
During the battle for Okinawa...
Cotton invented a bayonet technique
that is still used to gut men today.
April 30, '45, at the occupation of Munich--
Hold on a minute. Munich, Germany?
Yes, Hank.
Well, how did my dad fight
in Germany and Japan at the same time?
Well, let's see.
April 30, May 2, that's two whole days.
How long does it take to kill 50 men?
How long does it take to kill 50 men?
[Suspenseful instrumental music]
[Alarm clock beeping]
Well, let's get to work.
Come on. Grab some floor.
Hold on, Cotton.
-l have a few questions--
-You don't ask me questions.
l ask the questions around here.
COTTON: Move it.
[Peggy yells in pain]
COTTON: What's wrong with you?
You crawled yesterday.
Now, come at me like on Okinawa
when the Tojos came at me...
faster than l could gut them,
so l had to gut them faster.
You were never on Okinawa.
Yes, l was.
Then you were never in Munich.
Yes, l was.
Morning, Hank.
Scrambled. Black. Sports page.
COTTON: You got five minutes.
PEGGY: God! lt was all lies.
PEGGY: Why did l ever believe him?
Why did l ever think that l could walk?
Don't talk like that, Peggy.
So l was right. That's not important now.
What is important is that
you get right back up on that horse.
There you go.
Pass me Cotton's application.
He may rot in hell...
but he will not rot
in the Texas State Cemetery.
[Solemn instrumental music]
[Patriotic instrumental music]
Colonel, from your dress and demeanor...
can l assume you are about to take
your own life in a cheap motel room...
with your service revolver?
No cigar, Gribble.
l'm headed over
to the Texas State Cemetery.
You can't wear that to my hearing.
Don't worry, Cotton. l won't.
Well, good.
Now change and meet me there.
And show some leg.
They ain't got much tone,
but gams is gams.
Let's go, Hank.
l just talked to Ramsey.
He said he'll take you back,
but he's gotta warn you...
Mrs. Flores is already
combing her own hair...
so don't get jealous.
Who's ready for a sponge bath?
Let's see. Bicep curls.
RAMSEY: Where did we stop?
HANK: 5 pounds.
l'd like the half-pounders, please.
Okay. Let's get busy.
[Chuckles]
Just kidding. Let's take it slow.
For your portrayal
of Dr. Jerry Kenderson on TV's Dallas,,,
1984 to 1986,
we proudly assign you, Barry Jenner...
Cemetery Plot 4, Section K.
Thank you.
They're gonna run out of graves.
CHAlRMAN: That concludes
today's business.
The Texas State Cemetery commission
will reconvene in six months.
COTTON: Hold on!
COTTON: You fellows got
one more man to bury.
All right. Pass up your application.
Well, l don't have it on me at the moment.
lt's being crippled over.
Give me another minute, please.
-l'm afraid that's impossible.
-No!
Not the gavel! Don't bang the--
This meeting is not adjourned.
[Peggy groans]
Way to go, Peggy!
You're doing just great.
Would you please stop yelling at me!
What was l thinking? Munich? Rat tails?
He's no hero. He was just torturing me.
He is a complete fraud.
[Hank sighs and mutters]
What?
What are you muttering?
Are you actually trying to defend him?
l said, ''That fraud used to be 6'4.''
So?
When he came back from the Pacific,
he was 5 foot even.
A Japanese machine-gun
blew away his shins.
The doctor said he'd never walk again.
Eighteen months later,
he walked right over to that doctor,,,
reached up
and punched him in the kidneys.
Now, l can't prove
what he did at those battles.
ln fact, l don't even know if the part
about hitting the doctor is true...
but l do know
that my dad doesn't have shins...
and somehow he walks.
And that's pretty heroic to me.
And that is what l was muttering.
l'm an old man. l got a newborn son.
l can't let him visit me
at a civilian cemetery.
COTTON: What kind of place is that
for a child's birthday party?
PEGGY: Mr. Chairman,
the chair recognizes Mrs. Peggy Hill.
PEGGY: ln deference
to the committee's busy schedule...
l have chosen to highlight only a few...
of Cotton Hill's many acts of bravery...
at Guam, the Solomon lslands,
Sardinia, and Okinawa.
Damn, woman, you forgot Munich.
You were never in Munich.
l wasn't? No.
[Soft instrumental music]
Dad. Stephen Austin.
ls that the bionic guy or the wrestler?
COTTON: l found it!
[Bugle playing]
lt's a lovely grave, Cotton.
You deserve it.
[Sentimental instrumental music]
COTTON: Ain't you coming, Hank's wife?
That's okay. l can see it from here.
COTTON: Not the same. Out of the chair.
Let's go. Start climbing.
But l can't.
What do you mean you can't?
You mean you won't.
'Cause you're weak and lazy.
Cotton, please.
l climbed the cliffs of Normandy...
with a 50-pound ice-cream maker
strapped to my back...
and you're telling me
you can't climb a stupid little hill?
All right, Cotton.
Look, l know what you're doing,
but l am very tired--
You get to the top of that hill
and l'll let you dance on my grave.
[Peggy grunts]
[Peggy moans and groans]
Let's go.
Move it.
COTTON: Come on.
[Heroic instrumental music]
[Peggy panting]
[Sighing in relief]
Cotton, may l have this dance?
[Peggy exclaims]
[Heroic instrumental music continues]
[Theme song]
COTTON: l can't hear you!