King of the Hill (1997–2010): Season 2, Episode 1 - How to Fire a Rifle Without Really Trying - full transcript

[Theme Music]

Season-01 Episode-01
How to fire a rifle without really trying.

Subtitled & Synced_By_T.A.S.

Hello there partners.

ANNOUNCEMENT: Yeah, out over here
out over here,

ring toss ring toss.
Ring it by now, hey

Hank: Now kick up your
leg Bobby,

Arch your back, whip your
forearm and snap your wrist.

Bobby: Ugh, look out.

Hey, man.

Bobby you better let me
throw the last one.



This man here's trying to
run a business.

Hank: Now ping pong balls
are tricky,

don't grip it hard
it requires fineness.

Bobby, what's in your mouth.

Look dad, I'm the
khamish

Owh!.

It's okay to line up the sights, Bobby.
It's not cheating.

I got it.

Wew! Lucky shot Bobby, that's great.

Now this time you might wanna..

Bobby way to kill ducks.

Then another duck came up, and
he killed that one.

And then I killed another one too.
Hank: Yep, that's right.

He must have killed
a thousand ducks.



Peggy: Now a thousand ducks,

well that is wonderful.
Did you kill any bunnies?

Hank: The boy shows a real..

talent for shooting Peggy,
this could be his sport.

Hank: We should get him a rifle..
- Mmhm! Bobby is too young to own a rifle

it is too dangerous.

He's twelve, he hasn't been too
young for five years.

No it is just not age
appropriate.

It would be like..like giving boggle
to an eight year old,

even though the box says
that's okay.

But I never get to bond with Bobby,
on account of he's not good at much

Shooting stuff is something
a father and son can do together.

I don't wanna wait till
the cat's in cradle and Bobby's...

..too busy with the
propane business of his own.

Peggy: Now Hank, you're making
me tear up.

Hank: Uh! where's the children's gun section?
- Aisle 47.

- Can I keep my new gun in my room.
- Sure.

Can I keep the bullets
in my pocket.

Hank: If you want.
Bobby: Can I put a gun rack on my bike.

Do you know how long I've been
waiting for you to ask me that.

I have a good feeling about this one.

Ooh! I love this rifle.

You know Bobby that marlin is lot like
the first .22 my dad gave me,

that's also like the one he
started with himself as a boy.

kind of a Hill tradition,

Bobby: Wow!

I always thought this was
a Crack house.

Dale: So then Ray walks in

with the same snow camouflaged bib overalls
that he knew I plan to wear that same hunting

Well well well, Hank Hill you finally
decided to join our club.

I'm not joining, I just want to know
if I can use the range, Dale.

There's a $2 charge for
non members to shot here.

What's membership cost?

Life-time membership is free.

Ah! I'll just pay the two bucks.

Hank's jacket is so Desert Storm.

The safety is underneath by the
firing pin.

I hope you're listening,
because I'm not repeating this.

Now, Bobby you gotta take it slow
and oh my God!

Stranger: Boy can shoot.
Hank: Hell yeah! He's my boy.

What you've done here
is very good.

I'm a little upset with
the grouping

You fellas entering the tournament
at the county club, 'cause if you are..

- ..maybe I'll save myself the entry fee.
- What tournament?

Father- son fun shoot.

It's sponsored by the Arlen
endowment for the arts.

Save your money mister,
we're in.

Alright! all this being father and son
is finally gonna pay off.

Hey, Bobby! go inside and get
a couple of bags of bullets.

I forget the last time I shot a .22, but
I'll bet you, there was a Texan in the White House.

And I ain't talking about,
Herbert Walker Bush either.

Aah! Ooh!

Grandpa: What are you waiting for boy?
Pull the trigger make some noise.

You're never gonna be a war hero
like me if you shoot like that.

no wonder that kid from the play ground stole
your pale , he knows you can't shoot.

I want my binky back.

You want your binky back,
you gotta come in firing.

Now try again.

Hmmm.

- That's a nice gun.
- Yep!

That's a cool gun.

Uh ha!

Well, it is so nice to see
the two of you really talking.

This gun's very nice.

They are all nice gun's and
all gun's are nice.

So, how'd shootin' go yesterday.

Great!
I hit the center every time.

Well, that's terrific honey, in no time
at all you'll be better that your father.

Now what's that supposed to mean,

Let's see him hold down a job
and be so good.

Hey! Look at these father and son
Poncho's, they zip together.

Dad, can we get 'em for
the tournament.

Look, Bobby before we start buying a lot of
paraphernalia and accessories and what not,

let's make sure we're not getting into
another tap lesson situation here.

Why don't we get in
to one of those safety courses

and if you're still interested after
they've taken all the fun out of it,

then we'll see about the Poncho's
and the...

Aaah!
Tournament.

I didn't know it was loaded,

is not an acceptable excuse.

I wasn't there or I've never meet those
people or better excuses.

When I was your age, I used to get
so excited about hitting the target,

I'd run, right out
on to the range.

that's how I lost this thumb,
and later this eye.

If it weren't for the N.R A safety guidelines
I eventually accepted

I'd be a stub
standing here before you.

Okay, so I discharge the magazine first,
no..first I put the safety.

You just put six shot
dead center,

I know, so do I lay
the magazine...

Hey, look at here.
Look at this everybody.

Hank: You see its just..

I'm too busy for a competition.

we're coming up on
the new propane season,

plus next week I was going to cheque in
to buy a Hek Dorlan's motor cycle.

But you said if I was still interested
and I am still interested.

Peggy: Hank you love guns,

Bobby loves guns,
curve the time.

Bobby: Why do we
have to practice so early.

Hank: I want you to get used to the
pressure of shooting when no one's watching.

Hank: Ah..hah!

What's wrong with you?
Why don't you steady yourself?

Uh! This is a training exercise.

Close one eye, how can you hit anything
the way you're holding it.

don't grip the barrel so hard,

- it requires fineness.
Grandpa: Someday..

soon, all of you will be drafted in the war
some of you like Hank, will be killed.

Others can shoot and
they become war heroes

Now commence to firing.

Uh! Something's wrong with my rifle,
I can't shoot to-day.

- Let me see it.
- No.

Come on!
I bet, I can fix it.

You can't fix it,
It's in the shaft.

There's no shaft on a gun.

It's tough shootin' out there today.

Yeah! I mean keeping the gun steady
can take a lot out of the man.

Aah! Do you mind
I'm trying to sit here.

Maybe I can help you.
I'm a sports psychologist.

- I worked with the Cowboy's.
- When?

- Last season.
- Goodbye.

Okay, but consider this..

Researches show that athletic performance
is 10% physical and a 100% mental.

That adds up to a 110%

Break through!

Do you just hang out here all day waiting
for someone to mess a lot.

Oh, just in the mornings
when the lousy shoots arrive.

in the afternoons
I go to the bowling alley.

Losers are very predictable.

Here's my card.

You're going to tear it up.

Bobby: Well what about practicing
for the tournament after school.

Hank: Nah, I'd have to come
here to get you then...

go back across town to the range.

- That could eat up ten minutes.
- What about shootin after dinner?

No no you don't want to exercise
on a full stomach

Well, maybe I can take the gun's to school and
we could squeeze off a few rounds between classes

You shouldn't take guns to school
with you, they're dangerous.

Guns are dangerous?

Dale: What?

Oh! Brother.

Bobby go on and clean the guns
I'll be in there, in a minute.

Bill: Well..what da..what's this
about guns being dangerous.

Well, that right they kill people.

Dale: Guns don't kill people
the Government does.

Bill: Oh! Hank gun's been around for years if they're
dangerous I just, think someone would've said something.

Most..uh..deaths in the home
are from gun's and gun accessories.

Let me ask you this.

A guy breaks into your house,
but you don't have a gun.

How are you going to shoot him?

Dale that's right out of
the N.R.A. magazine August issue.

I tell you what man, the dang old N.R.A's
all rights man..da..da..insurance

together with dismemberment na like that,
you get a twenty thousand dollars

just for your arm blows up man.

I can't believe you guy's.

Dale the N.R.A. is a Washington .D.C
based organization.

Are you telling me
you support Washington D.C.

That's a planker.

I'm a little confused here, how are you
goin' to win that shootin' contest without a rifle?

Haven't you been listening to me,
I'm not goin' to shoot in any contest.

Sorry, Bobby.

Bobby honey, you've been
sleeping in that vest for two weeks.

What's wrong?

I think I messed up.
I made dad not like guns anymore.

Oh, son that can't be true.

Your fathers love for guns
is unconditional.

Then why doesn't he want to shoot
with me in the tournament.

Is he afraid I'm gonna embarrass him.

Well, it must be
because he loves guns.

Peggy:
What has got into you?

You were right Bobby's too
young to own a gun.

No, I was wrong.

Guns are keeping this family together
and Bobby's really good.

He won't let you down
with the fun shoot.

- Uh! that's not why I'm dropping out.
- Well then what is the reason?

- Peggy, I can't shoot.
- What?!

I can't, my aim is terrible,
I can barely keep the gun steady.

[ Inhales and exhales]

I still love you.

Yeah, but will the rest of the town
be so forgiving.

But it's a risk
you have to take Hank.

Bobby's finally found something he's really great at,
do not reap that away from him, it is not fare.

Life's not fare.
That's a good lesson for the boy.

What if they had never
let you play football huh!

You'd still have that little bone in your ankle,
but you'd not have any of the memories.

Hah! Go get your clothes out of the thrash
we'll need'em for the contest.

You mean it dad, you'll shoot with me?

Yeah! on your team we have to win.

You never lost anything in your life.

Well, Bobby
can't always expect to win ha..ha!

No dad, I promise I won't choke.

Sometimes, people choke Bobby we just got to be
proud that God took the time to give us a fault.

That's looser talk you taught me that.
No Hill's ever been a looser.

We fight for Texas at the Alamo.

We're gonna get a trophy.

Ah..ha!

Alright, here's the deal.

I don't believe in that gobble de good about a subconscious or any other

- witch-craft.
- Mmm.

I won't take pills, I won't let you
hypnotize or molest me.

Well, I can help you without using
witchcraft, pills and molestation.

But it won't be easy.

Visualization is probably the only legitimate part
what people like myself practice.

Imagine the dart flying
from your gun to the target.

Don't pull the trigger until you see it.

Grandpa Hill: Hank! shaky close
the other eye or I'll poke it out.

Ah! whenever I start to shoot,
even aim I..

I remember me as a boy
my dad behind me yellin'an..

Hah! I always let him down.

- I was so scared of..
- Hank please you're wasting valuable session time.

Now, it's important for you to
stay relaxed.

Why don't you imagine something gentle
say, say a butterfly...

taking the dart and flying it to the target

I am not imagining a butterfly.

Alright, how about a humming bird.

How about a McDonnell Douglas L1011
wide body.

Good! Now let's do better.

We add audio to the visualization
to achieve complete focus,

as you imagine the plane

say out loud
to the end of the rainbow.

- I'm not saying...
- Oh! say whatever you want.

Prepare for top speed.

Wow!

Welcome everyone! welcome shooters!

welcome last year's winners
John and Mike McKay.

Peggy: My fingers are crossed for you.

Announcer: The format for today,
is the same as last year.

Start with the tandem shoot.

then the quick draw,

followed by the pretend to be sleeping, cramp the loaded
gun under the bed and shoot a figure in the shadows.

then to our favorite event.

the all new expanded, simulated hunting experience
that we like to call the Goblet.

and finally, just in case some of the dad's
have been doin' all of the work,

the independent long-range accuracy shooting.

Come on dad,
let's go bag us a trophy.

And..have fun..Ha!

Man: This here's tandem shoot,
take your first shot.

Oh! prepare for top speed.

Man: One hit.

That wasn't a practice round.

Ah! okay! I just gotta
make a little adjustment here.

Ready for your second shot.

Doctor: Hey! hey! over here.

Ah! somethin' somethin' rainbow.

Going to the rainbo..

Hey, good going.

Over the rainbow.

I guess I'm fallin' into my groove. he..he!

The end of the yellow brick road.

How 'bout a little fire scarecrow.

Boo!

Announcer: Two point deduction.

Well, look at that
we're in second place.

Luanne: Good news.

The McKay's just came out of the gun let and
the young one blew out an entire picnicking family.

That means we're tied for first.

Grandpa Hill: Sorry I'm late.

Oh!

I had to stop by the wax-museum again
and give the finger to F.D.R.

Grandpa, you came!

I'm always here
to support my Bobby.

And I'll give you
a shoulder to cry on,

you'll need one, won't he Hank?

As a matter of fact, we're
tied for first.

All we have left
is the accuracy round.

Accuracy! better hope
that target's the size of a barn.

Come on Bobby.

Crowd applauding.

Remember son, we're just
here to do our best.

That's 'cause weare the best. Dad.

That's my grandson and his father.

Bobby: Dad if he misses,

we win!

No, Bobby we don't want to win that way.

Damn!

Come on Hank!
I got money riding on this shot.

On the McKay's.

Okay Hank! it's time for take-off.

you know what to do,
not just for you but for Bobby.

so focus, stop talking to yourself and do it.

You're still talkin'.

You're here to talk or you're here to shoot.

I'm here to shoot,
end of discussion.

Let's do it.

Man: Miss.

Announcer: And the McKay's win again.

Crowd applauding.

Ah! Where's Bobby?

Oh!

We did it dad, 2nd place
in a real father-son tournament!

Can I put it on my wall,

we were so good out there,
we should always be shootin'.

This is the best day ever.

You're the best dad ever.

I'm the best son ever.

Bobby: Can we do it again next year?

A..Ha!

Heh! Yeah!

Yeah, we could do it again.
If that's what you want?

Hey! kid.

Bobby: I feel like ice-cream.

Hank: That sounds good.

Hank: Aaa! where'd we park?

Bobby: That way.

Bobby: We forgot mom.

Hank: Oh! well, let's go get her.

I want my binky back.