King of the Hill (1997–2010): Season 11, Episode 8 - Grand Theft Arlen - full transcript
Hank becomes obsessed with a video game based on his own life. Bobby attempts to improve his physical condition.
Ripped By mstoll
I thought of a new
game this morning.
A pancake fell on the floor,
so I closed my eyes and put it
back on one of our plates.
Now, I don't know whose plate.
I call it Pancake Roulette.
I'm gonna triple-jump
this monkey.
Could someone put
pancake in my mouth?
Bobby, I told you,
no video games at the table.
I know, but this is homework.
It's my assignment for PE class.
I know I should have done it
last night, but I was
watching TV and...
Wait, they're letting you
play video games in PE?
Yeah! It's for people
who don't want to exercise.
It's the Active Electronic
Lifestyle option.
Well, that's asinine.
PE is supposed
to be about sports.
They make video games
for lots of sports:
Football, baseball, golf.
My thumbs are gonna be huge.
(Sighs)
Get in the truck.
This really isn't a good time
to put me back in PE.
They're making everybody take
the Presidential Fitness Test.
Bobby, when the President
asks you to take a test,
you take the test.
But they make you take it
in front of everybody.
And they measure
your body fat with callipers.
Callipers!
Don't worry, Bobby.
I'll help you train.
It'll be great.
We'll set goals,
design a program
and chart your progress.
(groans)
(whistle blows)
Hill?
What are you doing here?
I thought all the doughy kids
were gonna take
the easy way out.
No offense, Hank.
Well, you call 'em
like you see 'em, Coach.
But that's why Bobby is here.
He's taking the
Presidential Fitness test.
Son, take your place in line.
And do whatever
Coach Kleehammer screams.
(groans)
What the heck is going on, Carl?
I know the divorce
hasn't been easy,
but that's no reason
to take it out on PE.
School board wants more
computers in the classroom,
and they said this counts.
You got to understand
my position, Hank.
I can't believe you are
spending our tax dollars on...
Lowrider Rampage.
We're not spending a penny.
It's a new program
in conjunction with
the community college.
Their kids design the games
and our kids test them.
Could be worse.
There's a school in Houston
that sits around watching
kung fu movies all day.
But playing video games isn't
the same as doing a pull-up.
These kids should be outside.
Especially that one.
MOSS: He ain't a student, Hank.
That's one of our
student teachers.
SAM: 'Bout time you got here.
Boys' bathroom stinks, dude.
What? I'm not the janitor.
And you need to show
some respect.
Hey, that's a sweet hat.
Where'd you get it,
Urban Outfitters?
I got it at work.
Oh.
Do you work at Urban Outfitters?
No. I work
at Strickland Propane.
It's not ironic?
You're got-dang
right it's not.
How in the hell
can a hat be ironic?
Check out how aggro this guy is.
(gunshot)
Dang, I just got shot
in the face!
(Bobby grunting)
The President's Fitness Test
demands total focus.
Those that pass
will get a certificate,
printed with a version
of the president's signature.
Those who do not pass
will get a magnet.
A blank magnet!
(grunting)
(grunts)
(Sighs)
HANK:
Strickland propane.
Taste the meat, not the heat.
Uh, well, most people
put ketchup or mustard on it.
No, I wouldn't recommend both.
Ah, don't touch that!
What are you people
doing here anyway?
I don't know. You got us curious
about propane.
Check it out.
Propane's a liquid and a gas.
I know that.
I've been stocking that pamphlet
since before you were born.
Hey, dude, how do we get
one of those hats?
By dedicating your life
to propane.
You're not qualified
to wear one of these.
What if someone came up to you
with a leaky propane tank
and all you could do
is stand there and say,
"Duh, I don't know.
I'm just wearing the hat"?
"Leaky propane tank."
(chuckles)
I think he's about
to take a swing at us.
Awesome.
Leave.
HANK:
Boy, I'm glad I got you
out of that video
game class, Bobby.
Those teachers are a
couple of giblet-heads.
Isn't this better?
Pain leading to gain.
(grunting)
Yeah, this is just great.
What the heck is
Hank Hill making?
Maybe he going to
hang up Gribble
and beat him
until candy comes out.
No. If Gribble had
candy inside him,
Bobby Hill would've
found it already.
(both laughing)
Standing long jump.
Now, when I say "go,"
jump as far as you can.
Swing your arms.
And... go!
Really?
Uh, well...
okay, son, uh, good effort,
good effort.
Hey, dudes, video game PE
is harder than I thought.
Do you think you could
help me with my homework?
Sorry, Joseph.
I got to jump.
The new game my teacher made
is about propane.
HANK:
Well, that figures.
Those two idiots
spelled it wrong.
Hey, wait a second.
This looks like
Strickland Propane.
See, I can't move my bobtail.
Try pressing the red button.
Oh, my God!
Dad, it's you!
- Cool
- Cool
I tell you what.
So, wait, when you play
this game, you get to be Hank?
That sounds interesting.
It's not interesting.
It's thievery.
You can't just take
someone's face without asking.
Thank you!
HANK:
This is crazy.
Those idiot gamers
have put features
of the Char King
onto the Flamemaster.
This won't stand.
We have to do something.
They're exploiting my
business for financial gain!
Potentially huge,
incredible financial gain!
Catalog every mention
of Strickland Propane
and other verbiage
for which I own
or intend to own a copyright.
Yes, sir.
Rogers already getting me
familiar with the game.
I think I got all
the points I can in here.
Let's go outside.
(punch landing)
Oh, my God.
You just punched that motorist!
I needed a vehicle.
(people screaming)
On, my leg!
This is horrible!
Hold on a second.
I'm gonna engage these guys.
Engage?
Well, that's the basics.
I got a delivery to make.
Remember, cops are bad.
(punches landing)
Taste the meat and the heat.
(man grunts)
Oh, God, I just stabbed
a parking attendant.
Where's the button
to turn myself in?
Well, Hank, as you can see,
pretty much nothing happens
when you're not here.
Sorry, Bobby, I can't
train you right now.
I've got some work to do
for Mr. Strickland.
I'll help you, Bobby.
All right, let's see
what you got.
Jump over the bar!
Uh, actually, Dale,
I need your help
with the video game.
Bobby, I'll be right back.
Go ahead and get started.
I thought my dad knew me better.
I am not a
self-motivator.
I'm not doing anything.
I could help you
until your dad comes back.
(grunting)
(Sighs)
Try kicking your legs.
(grunting)
Watch and learn.
I'm going to teach you
a technique I call brain hand.
It involves me mentally
shutting off my brain,
and then moving it
into my hands.
Aw, come on!
If you threw a propane tank
at a car,
neither one of them
would explode.
Dale, make Hank wave back at me.
My turn! I'm next!
Where do I find Peggy?
(gunshot, man groaning)
But I barely got
to be Hank at all.
Okay, that's enough
messing around.
I'm on official
Strickland business.
A Manager mode, huh?
Didn't notice that before.
(chuckles)
That's kind of interesting.
Wow, North Arlen's changed.
There sure are a lot of
check cashing places.
Oh, look at that pretty lady
taking her little
baby for a walk.
Oh, no! Get
him, Hank!
Before he gets away!
Huh? Well, okay.
Well, this bobtail
handles nicely.
Hurry, Hank! Hurry!
(tires screeching)
DALE:
Don't chase him!
Shoot him in the back!
That's not how I do things.
You did it!
Hey, maybe this game doesn't
have to be about the mayhem.
You'll never rob
a mini-man again, buster.
You've been promoted
to Senior Manager.
Oh, my God, what's next?
Regional Manager?
(Sighs)
(rapid gunfire)
(man groaning)
Got-dang pimp-
(gunfire)
Excuse me.
I'm looking to upgrade my grill.
Well, propane is ideal
for both home and business.
Uh, okay...
STRICKLAND:
Well, bad news,
OI' Top.
No need for us to fool around
with this game anymore.
What? Why?
Well, there's no money in, it.
Lawyer says it's in
the public domain.
But... there,
there are three more levels
I haven't even seen yet.
Yeah, well,
I ain't gonna make
any money off it,
so quit playing and
get back to work.
(gunfire)
Okay.
Grab the bar, you sissified
piece of lady snot!
That's what my coach
always says.
(grunts)
Go! Go! Go!
Almost there.
(grunting)
Bobby, you got off the ground.
What was it?
Printer paper?
No.
Construction.
This is why my dad
hasn't been around.
He wanted me to gut it out.
And I did!
(beeping)
All right!
Drop and give me one!
You pathetic little cockroach!
Give me a push-up.
Now! Now! Now!
(grunting)
(grunting)
Cockroach did a push-up.
Cockroach did
a push-up!
I gotta go tell my dad!
Mom, I did a push-up
a real live push-up,
not a lady one either.
I gave a hundred and ten percent
and I gotta go tell Dad!
My face was on the ground,
and then I started pushing,
and then when I opened my eyes,
the ground was moving away
from my face!
Uh-huh.
Wanna see me do a push-up
without bending my knees?
One more punk and I
am Regional Manager.
I think your father would love
to see you do a push-up.
Right, Hank?
(moans)
(grunting)
Well, that's a thinker.
It sure is!
I'm gonna go hit the showers.
(explosion)
(chuckles)
Well, that's the way
you manage a region.
(gunfire)
Why'd you do that?
To be dramatic.
Well, quick!
If you plug it back in,
it might start where I left off.
A woman knows
when her husband has
an addiction, Hank.
A woman who reads
Parade Magazine knows.
What?
No!
You're overreacting!
Am n
Do you have any idea
how your son's doing?
Or the lawn?
Nothing's wrong with the lawn.
Hank, there's a brown spot.
And there's also a brown spot
on your son.
What?
What are you talking about?
I'm lunging!
I'm feelin' the burn!
Was Bobby just doing lunges?
(Sighs)
Oh, my God, you're right.
I didn't realize killing a man
with my bare thumbs
would change me so much.
I'll quit.
Prove it.
Trash that controller.
"Ask Marilyn" says that people
who own fancy electronics
are called' "technosexuals."
Take it.
Okay, let's go.
Grab your feet.
Come on. Grab 'em.
(grunting)
Good try.
"A" for effort.
Nice work.
All right, break time.
Bobby, go get your Game Boy.
What?
Your Game Boy.
Go get it.
Is this a trick?
(door closes)
Yes, it was.
And, uh, and you passed.
And for your reward...
go get your Game Boy.
(laughing):
Dad!
Nice try!
(grunting)
It's good to have you back,
Hank.
I figured out how to drink
my beer through osmosis.
Yeah.
Well, the game was way
too easy anyway.
The designers could've
bumped it up a notch.
I still enjoy it.
I found some folks
on the Internet
who play against each other
online.
You can do that?
Yeah, I'm not very good.
There are too many Hanks
on the screen.
I never know which
one to listen to.
I didn't know playing online
was even an option.
Uh, there's a smudge
on my glasses.
Excuse me.
Mm-hmm.
I'm so buzzed.
(whines)
Don't judge me, Lady Bird.
(punches landing)
No, no, not my pimp cup.
How could you, Hank?
All right, how about this?
I'll only play one night
a week, after work.
I won't even watch TV.
No. Well, what about you?
You have hobbies!
You play Boggle.
Let's talk about that.
Hmm-mm, you will not turn this
around on me.
I married a man, Hank,
not a... gamer.
(gunfire)
Carl, I need to find
those game quote-
unquote teachers.
Sorry, Peggy.
Video game program's
been cancelled.
Bunch of parents found out
their kids were playing
video games,
started something called
an "action group."
Scared the hell out
of the district.
I need to find them, Carl.
I have a question
about their game.
Well, you can probably rule out
any place with girls.
Go on, get.
Get on back to PE.
Body horror makes classic horror
look like Euro horror.
Wait, what's body horror?
Why are we even friends?
PEGGY:
Oh, thank God I found you.
My husband Hank is addicted
to your Pro-Pain game.
I need your help
to get him to stop.
Well, don't worry.
It'll fall out of style.
Only like six people
still play it.
Yeah, things don't fall out
of style for Hank.
There's only two things
that will stop a gamer
from gaming:
Boredom or humiliation.
Though two percent stop
because of seizures.
Hank is incapable
of boredom or seizures.
But humiliation...
(punches landing)
Taste the meat and the heat.
My Hank died.
(explosion)
Dude.
I got pro-pained!
Hey, everybody!
I'm Hank Hill!
I'm driving home
to have a hot meal
with my wife and my son,
whom I love so much!
(sighing)
Yes!
What?
But I killed everyone.
Escucha me.
You?
Well, that's first timers luck.
You won't get me again.
Why won't you die?
I am invincible.
That's cheating.
Tell me how.
The programmers
who made the game put me
in "Commissioner Mode."
What?
There is no one above me
and I cannot be killed.
And once this Commissioner
explodes itself,
that is the end of the game.
Forever.
No, no, no.
Can, can I try
Commissioner Mode?
Please, just 15 minutes.
Don't do it.
Don't do it.
(Sighs)
Well, thank you, Peggy.
It feels good to blink.
(grunting)
Way to go,
Bobby!
Woo-hoo!
Good job, Hill.
You need two more to pass.
(grunting)
(Sighs)
Sorry, Coach, that's all I got.
Take your magnet.
Okay, next up!
Tell me when to squeeze.
I don't deserve it.
What are you
talking about? You did great.
Why? I failed.
I'm not getting
the President's Fitness Award.
Bobby, turn around.
You did one
more pull-up
than all these other kids.
Yeah, you're right!
And we'll start training
for next year right now.
BOBBY:
Great!
Dad, do you think
I should shave off my body hair
to be more aerodynamic
next time?
No, Bobby, I don't.
No, Bobby, I don't.
VIRTUAL HANK:
Taste the meat and the heat.
Ripped By mstoll
I thought of a new
game this morning.
A pancake fell on the floor,
so I closed my eyes and put it
back on one of our plates.
Now, I don't know whose plate.
I call it Pancake Roulette.
I'm gonna triple-jump
this monkey.
Could someone put
pancake in my mouth?
Bobby, I told you,
no video games at the table.
I know, but this is homework.
It's my assignment for PE class.
I know I should have done it
last night, but I was
watching TV and...
Wait, they're letting you
play video games in PE?
Yeah! It's for people
who don't want to exercise.
It's the Active Electronic
Lifestyle option.
Well, that's asinine.
PE is supposed
to be about sports.
They make video games
for lots of sports:
Football, baseball, golf.
My thumbs are gonna be huge.
(Sighs)
Get in the truck.
This really isn't a good time
to put me back in PE.
They're making everybody take
the Presidential Fitness Test.
Bobby, when the President
asks you to take a test,
you take the test.
But they make you take it
in front of everybody.
And they measure
your body fat with callipers.
Callipers!
Don't worry, Bobby.
I'll help you train.
It'll be great.
We'll set goals,
design a program
and chart your progress.
(groans)
(whistle blows)
Hill?
What are you doing here?
I thought all the doughy kids
were gonna take
the easy way out.
No offense, Hank.
Well, you call 'em
like you see 'em, Coach.
But that's why Bobby is here.
He's taking the
Presidential Fitness test.
Son, take your place in line.
And do whatever
Coach Kleehammer screams.
(groans)
What the heck is going on, Carl?
I know the divorce
hasn't been easy,
but that's no reason
to take it out on PE.
School board wants more
computers in the classroom,
and they said this counts.
You got to understand
my position, Hank.
I can't believe you are
spending our tax dollars on...
Lowrider Rampage.
We're not spending a penny.
It's a new program
in conjunction with
the community college.
Their kids design the games
and our kids test them.
Could be worse.
There's a school in Houston
that sits around watching
kung fu movies all day.
But playing video games isn't
the same as doing a pull-up.
These kids should be outside.
Especially that one.
MOSS: He ain't a student, Hank.
That's one of our
student teachers.
SAM: 'Bout time you got here.
Boys' bathroom stinks, dude.
What? I'm not the janitor.
And you need to show
some respect.
Hey, that's a sweet hat.
Where'd you get it,
Urban Outfitters?
I got it at work.
Oh.
Do you work at Urban Outfitters?
No. I work
at Strickland Propane.
It's not ironic?
You're got-dang
right it's not.
How in the hell
can a hat be ironic?
Check out how aggro this guy is.
(gunshot)
Dang, I just got shot
in the face!
(Bobby grunting)
The President's Fitness Test
demands total focus.
Those that pass
will get a certificate,
printed with a version
of the president's signature.
Those who do not pass
will get a magnet.
A blank magnet!
(grunting)
(grunts)
(Sighs)
HANK:
Strickland propane.
Taste the meat, not the heat.
Uh, well, most people
put ketchup or mustard on it.
No, I wouldn't recommend both.
Ah, don't touch that!
What are you people
doing here anyway?
I don't know. You got us curious
about propane.
Check it out.
Propane's a liquid and a gas.
I know that.
I've been stocking that pamphlet
since before you were born.
Hey, dude, how do we get
one of those hats?
By dedicating your life
to propane.
You're not qualified
to wear one of these.
What if someone came up to you
with a leaky propane tank
and all you could do
is stand there and say,
"Duh, I don't know.
I'm just wearing the hat"?
"Leaky propane tank."
(chuckles)
I think he's about
to take a swing at us.
Awesome.
Leave.
HANK:
Boy, I'm glad I got you
out of that video
game class, Bobby.
Those teachers are a
couple of giblet-heads.
Isn't this better?
Pain leading to gain.
(grunting)
Yeah, this is just great.
What the heck is
Hank Hill making?
Maybe he going to
hang up Gribble
and beat him
until candy comes out.
No. If Gribble had
candy inside him,
Bobby Hill would've
found it already.
(both laughing)
Standing long jump.
Now, when I say "go,"
jump as far as you can.
Swing your arms.
And... go!
Really?
Uh, well...
okay, son, uh, good effort,
good effort.
Hey, dudes, video game PE
is harder than I thought.
Do you think you could
help me with my homework?
Sorry, Joseph.
I got to jump.
The new game my teacher made
is about propane.
HANK:
Well, that figures.
Those two idiots
spelled it wrong.
Hey, wait a second.
This looks like
Strickland Propane.
See, I can't move my bobtail.
Try pressing the red button.
Oh, my God!
Dad, it's you!
- Cool
- Cool
I tell you what.
So, wait, when you play
this game, you get to be Hank?
That sounds interesting.
It's not interesting.
It's thievery.
You can't just take
someone's face without asking.
Thank you!
HANK:
This is crazy.
Those idiot gamers
have put features
of the Char King
onto the Flamemaster.
This won't stand.
We have to do something.
They're exploiting my
business for financial gain!
Potentially huge,
incredible financial gain!
Catalog every mention
of Strickland Propane
and other verbiage
for which I own
or intend to own a copyright.
Yes, sir.
Rogers already getting me
familiar with the game.
I think I got all
the points I can in here.
Let's go outside.
(punch landing)
Oh, my God.
You just punched that motorist!
I needed a vehicle.
(people screaming)
On, my leg!
This is horrible!
Hold on a second.
I'm gonna engage these guys.
Engage?
Well, that's the basics.
I got a delivery to make.
Remember, cops are bad.
(punches landing)
Taste the meat and the heat.
(man grunts)
Oh, God, I just stabbed
a parking attendant.
Where's the button
to turn myself in?
Well, Hank, as you can see,
pretty much nothing happens
when you're not here.
Sorry, Bobby, I can't
train you right now.
I've got some work to do
for Mr. Strickland.
I'll help you, Bobby.
All right, let's see
what you got.
Jump over the bar!
Uh, actually, Dale,
I need your help
with the video game.
Bobby, I'll be right back.
Go ahead and get started.
I thought my dad knew me better.
I am not a
self-motivator.
I'm not doing anything.
I could help you
until your dad comes back.
(grunting)
(Sighs)
Try kicking your legs.
(grunting)
Watch and learn.
I'm going to teach you
a technique I call brain hand.
It involves me mentally
shutting off my brain,
and then moving it
into my hands.
Aw, come on!
If you threw a propane tank
at a car,
neither one of them
would explode.
Dale, make Hank wave back at me.
My turn! I'm next!
Where do I find Peggy?
(gunshot, man groaning)
But I barely got
to be Hank at all.
Okay, that's enough
messing around.
I'm on official
Strickland business.
A Manager mode, huh?
Didn't notice that before.
(chuckles)
That's kind of interesting.
Wow, North Arlen's changed.
There sure are a lot of
check cashing places.
Oh, look at that pretty lady
taking her little
baby for a walk.
Oh, no! Get
him, Hank!
Before he gets away!
Huh? Well, okay.
Well, this bobtail
handles nicely.
Hurry, Hank! Hurry!
(tires screeching)
DALE:
Don't chase him!
Shoot him in the back!
That's not how I do things.
You did it!
Hey, maybe this game doesn't
have to be about the mayhem.
You'll never rob
a mini-man again, buster.
You've been promoted
to Senior Manager.
Oh, my God, what's next?
Regional Manager?
(Sighs)
(rapid gunfire)
(man groaning)
Got-dang pimp-
(gunfire)
Excuse me.
I'm looking to upgrade my grill.
Well, propane is ideal
for both home and business.
Uh, okay...
STRICKLAND:
Well, bad news,
OI' Top.
No need for us to fool around
with this game anymore.
What? Why?
Well, there's no money in, it.
Lawyer says it's in
the public domain.
But... there,
there are three more levels
I haven't even seen yet.
Yeah, well,
I ain't gonna make
any money off it,
so quit playing and
get back to work.
(gunfire)
Okay.
Grab the bar, you sissified
piece of lady snot!
That's what my coach
always says.
(grunts)
Go! Go! Go!
Almost there.
(grunting)
Bobby, you got off the ground.
What was it?
Printer paper?
No.
Construction.
This is why my dad
hasn't been around.
He wanted me to gut it out.
And I did!
(beeping)
All right!
Drop and give me one!
You pathetic little cockroach!
Give me a push-up.
Now! Now! Now!
(grunting)
(grunting)
Cockroach did a push-up.
Cockroach did
a push-up!
I gotta go tell my dad!
Mom, I did a push-up
a real live push-up,
not a lady one either.
I gave a hundred and ten percent
and I gotta go tell Dad!
My face was on the ground,
and then I started pushing,
and then when I opened my eyes,
the ground was moving away
from my face!
Uh-huh.
Wanna see me do a push-up
without bending my knees?
One more punk and I
am Regional Manager.
I think your father would love
to see you do a push-up.
Right, Hank?
(moans)
(grunting)
Well, that's a thinker.
It sure is!
I'm gonna go hit the showers.
(explosion)
(chuckles)
Well, that's the way
you manage a region.
(gunfire)
Why'd you do that?
To be dramatic.
Well, quick!
If you plug it back in,
it might start where I left off.
A woman knows
when her husband has
an addiction, Hank.
A woman who reads
Parade Magazine knows.
What?
No!
You're overreacting!
Am n
Do you have any idea
how your son's doing?
Or the lawn?
Nothing's wrong with the lawn.
Hank, there's a brown spot.
And there's also a brown spot
on your son.
What?
What are you talking about?
I'm lunging!
I'm feelin' the burn!
Was Bobby just doing lunges?
(Sighs)
Oh, my God, you're right.
I didn't realize killing a man
with my bare thumbs
would change me so much.
I'll quit.
Prove it.
Trash that controller.
"Ask Marilyn" says that people
who own fancy electronics
are called' "technosexuals."
Take it.
Okay, let's go.
Grab your feet.
Come on. Grab 'em.
(grunting)
Good try.
"A" for effort.
Nice work.
All right, break time.
Bobby, go get your Game Boy.
What?
Your Game Boy.
Go get it.
Is this a trick?
(door closes)
Yes, it was.
And, uh, and you passed.
And for your reward...
go get your Game Boy.
(laughing):
Dad!
Nice try!
(grunting)
It's good to have you back,
Hank.
I figured out how to drink
my beer through osmosis.
Yeah.
Well, the game was way
too easy anyway.
The designers could've
bumped it up a notch.
I still enjoy it.
I found some folks
on the Internet
who play against each other
online.
You can do that?
Yeah, I'm not very good.
There are too many Hanks
on the screen.
I never know which
one to listen to.
I didn't know playing online
was even an option.
Uh, there's a smudge
on my glasses.
Excuse me.
Mm-hmm.
I'm so buzzed.
(whines)
Don't judge me, Lady Bird.
(punches landing)
No, no, not my pimp cup.
How could you, Hank?
All right, how about this?
I'll only play one night
a week, after work.
I won't even watch TV.
No. Well, what about you?
You have hobbies!
You play Boggle.
Let's talk about that.
Hmm-mm, you will not turn this
around on me.
I married a man, Hank,
not a... gamer.
(gunfire)
Carl, I need to find
those game quote-
unquote teachers.
Sorry, Peggy.
Video game program's
been cancelled.
Bunch of parents found out
their kids were playing
video games,
started something called
an "action group."
Scared the hell out
of the district.
I need to find them, Carl.
I have a question
about their game.
Well, you can probably rule out
any place with girls.
Go on, get.
Get on back to PE.
Body horror makes classic horror
look like Euro horror.
Wait, what's body horror?
Why are we even friends?
PEGGY:
Oh, thank God I found you.
My husband Hank is addicted
to your Pro-Pain game.
I need your help
to get him to stop.
Well, don't worry.
It'll fall out of style.
Only like six people
still play it.
Yeah, things don't fall out
of style for Hank.
There's only two things
that will stop a gamer
from gaming:
Boredom or humiliation.
Though two percent stop
because of seizures.
Hank is incapable
of boredom or seizures.
But humiliation...
(punches landing)
Taste the meat and the heat.
My Hank died.
(explosion)
Dude.
I got pro-pained!
Hey, everybody!
I'm Hank Hill!
I'm driving home
to have a hot meal
with my wife and my son,
whom I love so much!
(sighing)
Yes!
What?
But I killed everyone.
Escucha me.
You?
Well, that's first timers luck.
You won't get me again.
Why won't you die?
I am invincible.
That's cheating.
Tell me how.
The programmers
who made the game put me
in "Commissioner Mode."
What?
There is no one above me
and I cannot be killed.
And once this Commissioner
explodes itself,
that is the end of the game.
Forever.
No, no, no.
Can, can I try
Commissioner Mode?
Please, just 15 minutes.
Don't do it.
Don't do it.
(Sighs)
Well, thank you, Peggy.
It feels good to blink.
(grunting)
Way to go,
Bobby!
Woo-hoo!
Good job, Hill.
You need two more to pass.
(grunting)
(Sighs)
Sorry, Coach, that's all I got.
Take your magnet.
Okay, next up!
Tell me when to squeeze.
I don't deserve it.
What are you
talking about? You did great.
Why? I failed.
I'm not getting
the President's Fitness Award.
Bobby, turn around.
You did one
more pull-up
than all these other kids.
Yeah, you're right!
And we'll start training
for next year right now.
BOBBY:
Great!
Dad, do you think
I should shave off my body hair
to be more aerodynamic
next time?
No, Bobby, I don't.
No, Bobby, I don't.
VIRTUAL HANK:
Taste the meat and the heat.
Ripped By mstoll