King of the Hill (1997–2010): Season 11, Episode 10 - Hair Today, Gone Today - full transcript
Dale believes that he has traveled back in time. Stress over a past relationship causes Nancy to suffer hair loss.
Ripped By mstoll
Yup.
Yup.
Mm-hmm.
Hey, hillbillies,
my delinquent nephew
coming to town.
Don't buy him beer!
I know rednecks like
to buy beer for kids.
He'll ask. He like to party.
Don't buy him beer!
Hey, you guys want to come
to my vernal equinox party
tomorrow?
No.
Before you answer, remember,
the vernal equinox is
when the stars align
in the configuration of an
arrow pointing to earth,
as if to say, "Come visit here."
I'll read a thoughtful essay.
We'll shriek ceremoniously
and eat tapas!
God, no.
BILL:
Hey, guys!
Ow!
My knee!
Bill, you got to promise me
you won't do that
in front of the aliens.
They hate slapstick.
DALE:
Nancy,
have you begun making the tapas?
This will be the visitors'
first experience
with food on this planet.
I want them
to have a little taste
of everything.
Is this going to shrink down?
This is huge!
What-What Will I
tell the aliens?
"I hope you like this,
because if you don't,
there's
nothing else?!"
Dale, I'm doing the best I can.
I'm sorry I don't know
alien protocol.
BOBBY:
Come on, seven!
(Joseph grunts strangely)
(laughter)
Seven!
That's the third seven in a row
you've blown out of your nose.
You're amazing!
It's either lucky dice
or a lucky nose.
There's only one way
to find out.
(grunting)
NANCY: Boys, please stop that!
I don't have time to take anyone
to the emergency room!
(strange grunt)
CELL PHONE:
♪ She's my cherry pie. ♪
Oh, that must be, uh, Minh.
Cool drink of water. ♪
Such a sweet surprise. ♪
Taste so good,
make a grown man cry ♪
Sweet cherry pie,
oh, yeah ♪
Dinner is served.
♪ She's my cherry pie ♪
Put a smile on your face
ten miles wide... ♪
Now, be sure you've
got your phone off
when the aliens get here.
It could startle them, which
could result in our death.
Not to mention,
it's pretty rude.
Hey, Nancy, did you know
that John Redcorn, the
children's musician,
has been trying to reach
you here at the station?
Well, I-I have no idea why.
I barely know that guy.
Well, he seems to know you.
I want you to do
a feature on him.
What?! But I do news.
We're moving you off
the news desk to features.
It seems, people aren't
interested in hard news anymore.
They say it's boring
and makes them sad.
That is not my fault.
I always said
we shouldn't do the sad stuff.
No, people love you.
Look at this mail.
"We love the
blonde woman."
And, "Nancy real good."
And, "I want to
lay with blondie."
Really? Oh, that's
flattering!
But, um, shouldn't I start
with a better get
than John Redcorn?
No, Red corn's hot.
He's burning up
the pre-tween market.
And can you see if he'll
play my stepkid's birthday?
Of course, I get stuck
organizing the party
because my stepkid's
real dad's too busy.
Too busy? Too drunk!
And... it's equinox!
(high-pitched silly shrieking)
(loud breathy sounds)
(strange musical vocalizing)
(grunts)
(tires screeching,
engine revving)
(engine revving, tires squeak)
Em!
(speaking Laotian):
Alien?
Aa-len.
Alien.
Oh, my God, it worked!
Your language... it's beautiful!
You want me to get in there?
Okay, okay, I'll get in.
Good-bye, Earth!
2048.
Hey, your clock's
on military time.
Why would you have milita.?
Oh, my God!
That's not the time.
That's the year!
You're not an alien.
You're a time traveler!
Let me out of this thing! Eject!
(engine revving)
What do you do
with a drunken bear? ♪
Early in the morning! ♪
Oh, I'm so glad
that your regular makeup
lady got meningitis
so I can do your makeups.
That's great, Sug.
Did you get a cat?
A blonde cat?
Um, no.
I don't have a cat.
Nancy.
John Redcorn.
Go, Nancy.
I'm Nancy Hicks-Gribble,
reporting live from
Captain Bears Pizza.
John Redcorn,
you enchant Arlen's children
and tweens.
Tell me
about your personal style.
I wore this vest
especially for you.
This is the Native American
symbol for forbidden love.
(giggles)
Oh.
Well, that's a fun fact.
Um, speaking of fun,
what's your favorite
local hot spot?
REDCORN: Remember when
we found your hot spot?
Bobby, room.
But he's getting out his guitar.
NOW!
(grunts)
You better call me
if he sings "The Oatmeal Blues."
I hope for Dale's sake
this isn't what it looks like.
The... rekindling and whatnot.
Nancy swore to me
she would never whatnot
with that man again.
REDCORN: Guitar playing is
about strumming the instrument
in many intimate ways.
I caress the strings
gently with a feather.
? Hi yai hay,
and so it rings true?
Calling people back
is the right thing to do! ♪
For Channel 84, I'm
Nancy Hicks-Gribble.
Good night!
And... clear.
Luanne, would you help me
with this earpiece?
REDCORN: Here.
Let me help you.
(gasps)
Is that my hair?
You always did
make me feel strong.
(bird screeches)
(panting)
I've done it!
I've traveled to 2048!
Al Gore was right.
I wonder what ocean
this used to be.
And man has devolved
back to crawling.
No, wait, that's just me.
It's times like this I wish
I had a friend
named The Professor.
Note to self: Don't make
too many notes to self.
Probably can't
get more cassettes.
So, they changed the name
of Arlen to Fartland.
Oh, cold, hilarious fate.
What happened here that would
make them do such a thing?
What can I do for you today?
Your lips are looking
a bit thin.
You want me to plump them up
with some more of your butt fat?
Well, sure, but first,
could you look at my hair?
I think it's been
falling out lately.
Hmm. Hairs tough.
Let me try something.
Well, that should have hurt.
What's happening to me?
Well, it's difficult
to determine the cause
of female hair loss, and
then it's hard to cure.
So, what should I do?
Well, there are some
shampoos on the market
with outrageous claims.
You could try those,
but if they don't work, you
should be prepared for this.
See, right now, you're... here.
In six months, you'll be...
here.
Oh, my God!
Oh, I tried it again.
You're definitely
losing your hair.
(knocking)
What are you doing
here, John Redcorn?
I wrote a song for you.
It's about a beautiful tree
named Fancy.
Ignore the end.
The tree becomes a home
for a squirrel
with body image issues.
(strumming guitar)
I'm sorry, John Redcorn,
but you've got to go.
We broke up already.
It was hard, but it's done.
REDCORN: Please, Nancy.
Don't we owe it
to ourselves to be happy?
What's John Redcorn doing here?
Don't be obvious, but look over
at my 1:00, your 6:30.
Dang it, Boomhauer.
I said don't be obvious!
I thought that whole business
was over with.
Of course I still
have that arrowhead.
Huh.
I thought in the future,
there'd be more things hovering.
You must be Hank's grandson.
I knew your grandfather.
He was, hmm... okay.
A little jowlier than you.
Cut that out.
BILL:
Hey, guys.
Ow!
MY knee!
Oh, my God.
Bill's about to say, "I'm okay!"
I'm okay.
Wait.
I wasn't transported
to the future.
I've been transported
to the past.
Yesterday!
(Nancy giggling)
Oh, God, that's under the vest.
Oh, no!
(sighs) We can't
let this happen.
If Nancy sees him
spouting all this nonsense,
it's just going to drive
her back to John Redcorn.
Yeah, well, man, she ain't got
too got-dang ol' far to go, man.
DALE:
Oh, my God!
If this is yesterday,
then I could...
run into myself.
If that happens,
the space/time continuum
will be compromised,
and the world will explode!
You know, Dale, we should probably keep
this time travel stuff between us,
because if the government
finds out, they'll, uh...
They'll do what, uh,
you know, the government does.
Those bastards!
You're right.
I think the other me
is close by.
I hear the sound of my voice.
If I ask, I was never here.
DR. SCHIFF:
Nancy,
your test results show
there's no medical reason
for your hair loss.
Your iron level is normal;
your glands all secrete
perfectly;
and your heart is
in excellent condition.
I don't care about my heart.
My heart isn't admired
on television!
My heart wasn't voted "prettiest
heart" in high school!
My heart isn't so high and thick
it once had a low-flying bird
get stuck in it!
Nancy, female hair loss
is not uncommon.
It's usually caused
by stress or heredity.
Well, it must be stress.
The hair in my family gets
bigger every generation.
Well, in that case,
I've got some great
anti-anxiety medications
I can prescribe.
Let's go
to Dr. Schiffie's cabinet,
see what we can do.
Oh, you're really
going to like these.
Alakazam!
Alprazolam!
This scarf is so pretty.
Do you think
it thinks I'm pretty?
Man, these pills are great.
(glass breaking)
So doctor say hair loss caused
by something stressing you out?
I say it toss up
between idiot husband
and idiot son.
Who you love and
don't want to hurt.
I should wait in the car.
I don't want my baby
to catch your stress
I am not giving birth
to a bald baby.
You think I'd be stressed out,
but I'm not.
I feel freaking fantastic.
(laughing)
You know, I'm addicted
to these pills.
(deep breath)
Well, if it's not stress,
it must be heredity.
I know what I have to do.
What the heck are you wearing?
I'm going spelunking.
I've got an extra headlamp
and backpack thingy
with your name on it...
in masking tape.
You interested?
No.
Neither am I.
That's why I know I won't
run into myself there.
And after this...
ice dancing.
And then, flossing!
Sorry to just drop in
on you like this, Mom.
I lost my cell phone.
I've had the worst week.
You've had a hard week.
My foot bath died.
Then I had another one
of my recipes stolen.
Mother, please.
Just listen to me.
Oh, all right.
But Mommy needs her Xanax first.
You want one?
No. No.
Well...
HO.
Look, I've lost...
some hair recently,
and I was wondering
if female hair loss runs
in our family at all.
Bless me for being so honest
and such a good mother.
Sugarbear, truth is:
My hair fell out long ago.
This is a wig.
Oh, my God!
Don't tell your father.
So, it is hereditary.
Not exactly.
We're not so dissimilar,
you and I.
Did I ever tell you
about Frank Torres?
Your life-drawing teacher?
I remember every day of the ten
years we shared our secret love.
Our affair was like floating
on a cloud made of a rainbow;
our lovemaking, exciting,
but virtually motionless.
I-I can't believe
what I'm hearing!
Frank. How he loved to dance
wildly to no music at all,
just the sound of the pounding
of his fist on his leg.
All right,
you've made your dramatic speech
for the night.
Can we get back
to my problem now?
Sugarbear,
I mention all this
because the stress
of ending my affair with Frank
is what brought on my hair loss.
What?
By the time my shrink discovered
my subconscious yearning
was to blame,
it was too late to get him back:
He died.
Just like my old foot bath.
So, what you're telling me is...
if I want my hair back,
I have to get back together
with John Redcorn?
Or you'll regret it
for the rest of your life.
Hey, Hank Hill,
my nephew missing.
If you see 17-year-old
in tricked-out hot rod,
call the police.
I always do.
Hey, Nancy!
I'm off to lifeguard school
and I needed my Speedos.
What?
No chance
of seeing myself there.
What is going on with you?
Hank! Dale!
(sighs)
Nancy,
there's something I
think you should know.
Okay, it's a long story.
It begins
when I got into a time machine.
Dale!
Oh, right, I've got to be quick.
Damn my love
of flowery storytelling.
Nancy...
tomorrow's not guaranteed!
You should live for now!
Meaning, if you're thinking
about doing something,
but are hesitant
for some reason,
you should go ahead and do it!
Like wearing that crazy hat.
You, too, John Redcorn.
If there's something
you're thinking about doing,
you might as well do it!
Do it now!
You heard him, Nancy.
Now, let me get this straight.
John Redcorn have to...
love the hair back onto you?
PEGGY;
Uh-uh.
That story cannot be true.
Oh, I bet Bunny's writing
a fake memoir.
I'll warn Oprah.
No, it's true.
And if I don't get
back together with him,
I'll go bald.
Just like his broad, smooth
Native American chest.
I know that giving yourself
to Redcorn
would be both exhilarating
and wonderful,
but you are a married woman!
But my hair is my job, and my
job is my family's livelihood.
So I'd be sleeping
with John Redcorn
as if our lives depended on it.
I know what Jesus would do:
He would resist the temptation,
even if he had to go bald.
And he had great hair.
Oh, what am I gonna do?
I'm just a swirling tempest
of emotions, Sugs.
Frustration.
Humiliation.
Fear
Desire.
Guilt.
Oh, just do it,
but don't do it too much
or you end up with moustache.
Wow.
This is gonna be a great party!
(bell rings)
(engine revving)
So, I'll meet you there?
Did he tell you
where the party is?
(Xylophone playing)
(singing): Then the squirrel loved
herself exactly as she was ♪
Thanks to the beautiful... ♪
' Fancy ♪
Excuse me, ma'am.
Oh, I'm a friend
of John Redcorn.
Lady, all these women are
"friends of John Redcorn."
Nancy!
Hey!
I assume you didn't come here
to get your caricature done
with a monkey.
But, if you want one,
I can get it at half price.
I changed my mind, Sug.
Let's start what we finished.
(knocking on glass)
Fatal flaw!
The end is approaching
quicker than anticipated.
Okay, I don't know
if you knew this,
but I can't use any
toilet but my own,
I can only hold my bodily fluids
for six days and 52 minutes.
Yes, Dale, I'm well aware.
So I have to go potty!
I'm destined to run into myself
in my bathroom.
Listen to me.
You have to stop talking
about this.
But I feel bad
about not warning Nancy.
You haven't told Peggy?
No, because I don't want
to scare her.
And you shouldn't want
to scare Nancy.
I don't!
Then just be cool.
Everything is okay.
Now, I'd like to get back
to my family
and my chilli taco.
So you're telling me
the end of the world is near,
and you're just gonna...
hang out with your loved ones?
And eat tacos?
Yep.
Huh.
This train stops at the hotel.
We can go back
and order room service,
watch a movie.
Or we could just get
right to the sex,
whichever.
Nancy!
(train blows whistle)
Dale?
What are you doing here?
Hello, John Redcorn.
Dale.
Nancy, I don't want us
to spend one more minute apart.
I want to be with you for
the rest of my life.
So what if that's only...
35 minutes away.
Now, I'm not saying the world
is going to end in 35 minutes,
but if it did,
I know exactly
where I want to be:
In the arms of my trusty wife.
You are as beautiful
as you are trusty.
Now, let's go home.
I want you in the bathroom
with me when it happens.
What?
Nancy...
my lover, my teacher,
my friend...
I don't want to see me
without you.
Come on.
Let's go!
Hold that train, sir.
I hope I made the right choice.
Well, this is the only
wig shop in Arlen,
so, you don't really
have much choice.
You're right, Sug.
DALE:
Oh, cold, hilarious fate.
Ripped By mstoll
Yup.
Yup.
Mm-hmm.
Hey, hillbillies,
my delinquent nephew
coming to town.
Don't buy him beer!
I know rednecks like
to buy beer for kids.
He'll ask. He like to party.
Don't buy him beer!
Hey, you guys want to come
to my vernal equinox party
tomorrow?
No.
Before you answer, remember,
the vernal equinox is
when the stars align
in the configuration of an
arrow pointing to earth,
as if to say, "Come visit here."
I'll read a thoughtful essay.
We'll shriek ceremoniously
and eat tapas!
God, no.
BILL:
Hey, guys!
Ow!
My knee!
Bill, you got to promise me
you won't do that
in front of the aliens.
They hate slapstick.
DALE:
Nancy,
have you begun making the tapas?
This will be the visitors'
first experience
with food on this planet.
I want them
to have a little taste
of everything.
Is this going to shrink down?
This is huge!
What-What Will I
tell the aliens?
"I hope you like this,
because if you don't,
there's
nothing else?!"
Dale, I'm doing the best I can.
I'm sorry I don't know
alien protocol.
BOBBY:
Come on, seven!
(Joseph grunts strangely)
(laughter)
Seven!
That's the third seven in a row
you've blown out of your nose.
You're amazing!
It's either lucky dice
or a lucky nose.
There's only one way
to find out.
(grunting)
NANCY: Boys, please stop that!
I don't have time to take anyone
to the emergency room!
(strange grunt)
CELL PHONE:
♪ She's my cherry pie. ♪
Oh, that must be, uh, Minh.
Cool drink of water. ♪
Such a sweet surprise. ♪
Taste so good,
make a grown man cry ♪
Sweet cherry pie,
oh, yeah ♪
Dinner is served.
♪ She's my cherry pie ♪
Put a smile on your face
ten miles wide... ♪
Now, be sure you've
got your phone off
when the aliens get here.
It could startle them, which
could result in our death.
Not to mention,
it's pretty rude.
Hey, Nancy, did you know
that John Redcorn, the
children's musician,
has been trying to reach
you here at the station?
Well, I-I have no idea why.
I barely know that guy.
Well, he seems to know you.
I want you to do
a feature on him.
What?! But I do news.
We're moving you off
the news desk to features.
It seems, people aren't
interested in hard news anymore.
They say it's boring
and makes them sad.
That is not my fault.
I always said
we shouldn't do the sad stuff.
No, people love you.
Look at this mail.
"We love the
blonde woman."
And, "Nancy real good."
And, "I want to
lay with blondie."
Really? Oh, that's
flattering!
But, um, shouldn't I start
with a better get
than John Redcorn?
No, Red corn's hot.
He's burning up
the pre-tween market.
And can you see if he'll
play my stepkid's birthday?
Of course, I get stuck
organizing the party
because my stepkid's
real dad's too busy.
Too busy? Too drunk!
And... it's equinox!
(high-pitched silly shrieking)
(loud breathy sounds)
(strange musical vocalizing)
(grunts)
(tires screeching,
engine revving)
(engine revving, tires squeak)
Em!
(speaking Laotian):
Alien?
Aa-len.
Alien.
Oh, my God, it worked!
Your language... it's beautiful!
You want me to get in there?
Okay, okay, I'll get in.
Good-bye, Earth!
2048.
Hey, your clock's
on military time.
Why would you have milita.?
Oh, my God!
That's not the time.
That's the year!
You're not an alien.
You're a time traveler!
Let me out of this thing! Eject!
(engine revving)
What do you do
with a drunken bear? ♪
Early in the morning! ♪
Oh, I'm so glad
that your regular makeup
lady got meningitis
so I can do your makeups.
That's great, Sug.
Did you get a cat?
A blonde cat?
Um, no.
I don't have a cat.
Nancy.
John Redcorn.
Go, Nancy.
I'm Nancy Hicks-Gribble,
reporting live from
Captain Bears Pizza.
John Redcorn,
you enchant Arlen's children
and tweens.
Tell me
about your personal style.
I wore this vest
especially for you.
This is the Native American
symbol for forbidden love.
(giggles)
Oh.
Well, that's a fun fact.
Um, speaking of fun,
what's your favorite
local hot spot?
REDCORN: Remember when
we found your hot spot?
Bobby, room.
But he's getting out his guitar.
NOW!
(grunts)
You better call me
if he sings "The Oatmeal Blues."
I hope for Dale's sake
this isn't what it looks like.
The... rekindling and whatnot.
Nancy swore to me
she would never whatnot
with that man again.
REDCORN: Guitar playing is
about strumming the instrument
in many intimate ways.
I caress the strings
gently with a feather.
? Hi yai hay,
and so it rings true?
Calling people back
is the right thing to do! ♪
For Channel 84, I'm
Nancy Hicks-Gribble.
Good night!
And... clear.
Luanne, would you help me
with this earpiece?
REDCORN: Here.
Let me help you.
(gasps)
Is that my hair?
You always did
make me feel strong.
(bird screeches)
(panting)
I've done it!
I've traveled to 2048!
Al Gore was right.
I wonder what ocean
this used to be.
And man has devolved
back to crawling.
No, wait, that's just me.
It's times like this I wish
I had a friend
named The Professor.
Note to self: Don't make
too many notes to self.
Probably can't
get more cassettes.
So, they changed the name
of Arlen to Fartland.
Oh, cold, hilarious fate.
What happened here that would
make them do such a thing?
What can I do for you today?
Your lips are looking
a bit thin.
You want me to plump them up
with some more of your butt fat?
Well, sure, but first,
could you look at my hair?
I think it's been
falling out lately.
Hmm. Hairs tough.
Let me try something.
Well, that should have hurt.
What's happening to me?
Well, it's difficult
to determine the cause
of female hair loss, and
then it's hard to cure.
So, what should I do?
Well, there are some
shampoos on the market
with outrageous claims.
You could try those,
but if they don't work, you
should be prepared for this.
See, right now, you're... here.
In six months, you'll be...
here.
Oh, my God!
Oh, I tried it again.
You're definitely
losing your hair.
(knocking)
What are you doing
here, John Redcorn?
I wrote a song for you.
It's about a beautiful tree
named Fancy.
Ignore the end.
The tree becomes a home
for a squirrel
with body image issues.
(strumming guitar)
I'm sorry, John Redcorn,
but you've got to go.
We broke up already.
It was hard, but it's done.
REDCORN: Please, Nancy.
Don't we owe it
to ourselves to be happy?
What's John Redcorn doing here?
Don't be obvious, but look over
at my 1:00, your 6:30.
Dang it, Boomhauer.
I said don't be obvious!
I thought that whole business
was over with.
Of course I still
have that arrowhead.
Huh.
I thought in the future,
there'd be more things hovering.
You must be Hank's grandson.
I knew your grandfather.
He was, hmm... okay.
A little jowlier than you.
Cut that out.
BILL:
Hey, guys.
Ow!
MY knee!
Oh, my God.
Bill's about to say, "I'm okay!"
I'm okay.
Wait.
I wasn't transported
to the future.
I've been transported
to the past.
Yesterday!
(Nancy giggling)
Oh, God, that's under the vest.
Oh, no!
(sighs) We can't
let this happen.
If Nancy sees him
spouting all this nonsense,
it's just going to drive
her back to John Redcorn.
Yeah, well, man, she ain't got
too got-dang ol' far to go, man.
DALE:
Oh, my God!
If this is yesterday,
then I could...
run into myself.
If that happens,
the space/time continuum
will be compromised,
and the world will explode!
You know, Dale, we should probably keep
this time travel stuff between us,
because if the government
finds out, they'll, uh...
They'll do what, uh,
you know, the government does.
Those bastards!
You're right.
I think the other me
is close by.
I hear the sound of my voice.
If I ask, I was never here.
DR. SCHIFF:
Nancy,
your test results show
there's no medical reason
for your hair loss.
Your iron level is normal;
your glands all secrete
perfectly;
and your heart is
in excellent condition.
I don't care about my heart.
My heart isn't admired
on television!
My heart wasn't voted "prettiest
heart" in high school!
My heart isn't so high and thick
it once had a low-flying bird
get stuck in it!
Nancy, female hair loss
is not uncommon.
It's usually caused
by stress or heredity.
Well, it must be stress.
The hair in my family gets
bigger every generation.
Well, in that case,
I've got some great
anti-anxiety medications
I can prescribe.
Let's go
to Dr. Schiffie's cabinet,
see what we can do.
Oh, you're really
going to like these.
Alakazam!
Alprazolam!
This scarf is so pretty.
Do you think
it thinks I'm pretty?
Man, these pills are great.
(glass breaking)
So doctor say hair loss caused
by something stressing you out?
I say it toss up
between idiot husband
and idiot son.
Who you love and
don't want to hurt.
I should wait in the car.
I don't want my baby
to catch your stress
I am not giving birth
to a bald baby.
You think I'd be stressed out,
but I'm not.
I feel freaking fantastic.
(laughing)
You know, I'm addicted
to these pills.
(deep breath)
Well, if it's not stress,
it must be heredity.
I know what I have to do.
What the heck are you wearing?
I'm going spelunking.
I've got an extra headlamp
and backpack thingy
with your name on it...
in masking tape.
You interested?
No.
Neither am I.
That's why I know I won't
run into myself there.
And after this...
ice dancing.
And then, flossing!
Sorry to just drop in
on you like this, Mom.
I lost my cell phone.
I've had the worst week.
You've had a hard week.
My foot bath died.
Then I had another one
of my recipes stolen.
Mother, please.
Just listen to me.
Oh, all right.
But Mommy needs her Xanax first.
You want one?
No. No.
Well...
HO.
Look, I've lost...
some hair recently,
and I was wondering
if female hair loss runs
in our family at all.
Bless me for being so honest
and such a good mother.
Sugarbear, truth is:
My hair fell out long ago.
This is a wig.
Oh, my God!
Don't tell your father.
So, it is hereditary.
Not exactly.
We're not so dissimilar,
you and I.
Did I ever tell you
about Frank Torres?
Your life-drawing teacher?
I remember every day of the ten
years we shared our secret love.
Our affair was like floating
on a cloud made of a rainbow;
our lovemaking, exciting,
but virtually motionless.
I-I can't believe
what I'm hearing!
Frank. How he loved to dance
wildly to no music at all,
just the sound of the pounding
of his fist on his leg.
All right,
you've made your dramatic speech
for the night.
Can we get back
to my problem now?
Sugarbear,
I mention all this
because the stress
of ending my affair with Frank
is what brought on my hair loss.
What?
By the time my shrink discovered
my subconscious yearning
was to blame,
it was too late to get him back:
He died.
Just like my old foot bath.
So, what you're telling me is...
if I want my hair back,
I have to get back together
with John Redcorn?
Or you'll regret it
for the rest of your life.
Hey, Hank Hill,
my nephew missing.
If you see 17-year-old
in tricked-out hot rod,
call the police.
I always do.
Hey, Nancy!
I'm off to lifeguard school
and I needed my Speedos.
What?
No chance
of seeing myself there.
What is going on with you?
Hank! Dale!
(sighs)
Nancy,
there's something I
think you should know.
Okay, it's a long story.
It begins
when I got into a time machine.
Dale!
Oh, right, I've got to be quick.
Damn my love
of flowery storytelling.
Nancy...
tomorrow's not guaranteed!
You should live for now!
Meaning, if you're thinking
about doing something,
but are hesitant
for some reason,
you should go ahead and do it!
Like wearing that crazy hat.
You, too, John Redcorn.
If there's something
you're thinking about doing,
you might as well do it!
Do it now!
You heard him, Nancy.
Now, let me get this straight.
John Redcorn have to...
love the hair back onto you?
PEGGY;
Uh-uh.
That story cannot be true.
Oh, I bet Bunny's writing
a fake memoir.
I'll warn Oprah.
No, it's true.
And if I don't get
back together with him,
I'll go bald.
Just like his broad, smooth
Native American chest.
I know that giving yourself
to Redcorn
would be both exhilarating
and wonderful,
but you are a married woman!
But my hair is my job, and my
job is my family's livelihood.
So I'd be sleeping
with John Redcorn
as if our lives depended on it.
I know what Jesus would do:
He would resist the temptation,
even if he had to go bald.
And he had great hair.
Oh, what am I gonna do?
I'm just a swirling tempest
of emotions, Sugs.
Frustration.
Humiliation.
Fear
Desire.
Guilt.
Oh, just do it,
but don't do it too much
or you end up with moustache.
Wow.
This is gonna be a great party!
(bell rings)
(engine revving)
So, I'll meet you there?
Did he tell you
where the party is?
(Xylophone playing)
(singing): Then the squirrel loved
herself exactly as she was ♪
Thanks to the beautiful... ♪
' Fancy ♪
Excuse me, ma'am.
Oh, I'm a friend
of John Redcorn.
Lady, all these women are
"friends of John Redcorn."
Nancy!
Hey!
I assume you didn't come here
to get your caricature done
with a monkey.
But, if you want one,
I can get it at half price.
I changed my mind, Sug.
Let's start what we finished.
(knocking on glass)
Fatal flaw!
The end is approaching
quicker than anticipated.
Okay, I don't know
if you knew this,
but I can't use any
toilet but my own,
I can only hold my bodily fluids
for six days and 52 minutes.
Yes, Dale, I'm well aware.
So I have to go potty!
I'm destined to run into myself
in my bathroom.
Listen to me.
You have to stop talking
about this.
But I feel bad
about not warning Nancy.
You haven't told Peggy?
No, because I don't want
to scare her.
And you shouldn't want
to scare Nancy.
I don't!
Then just be cool.
Everything is okay.
Now, I'd like to get back
to my family
and my chilli taco.
So you're telling me
the end of the world is near,
and you're just gonna...
hang out with your loved ones?
And eat tacos?
Yep.
Huh.
This train stops at the hotel.
We can go back
and order room service,
watch a movie.
Or we could just get
right to the sex,
whichever.
Nancy!
(train blows whistle)
Dale?
What are you doing here?
Hello, John Redcorn.
Dale.
Nancy, I don't want us
to spend one more minute apart.
I want to be with you for
the rest of my life.
So what if that's only...
35 minutes away.
Now, I'm not saying the world
is going to end in 35 minutes,
but if it did,
I know exactly
where I want to be:
In the arms of my trusty wife.
You are as beautiful
as you are trusty.
Now, let's go home.
I want you in the bathroom
with me when it happens.
What?
Nancy...
my lover, my teacher,
my friend...
I don't want to see me
without you.
Come on.
Let's go!
Hold that train, sir.
I hope I made the right choice.
Well, this is the only
wig shop in Arlen,
so, you don't really
have much choice.
You're right, Sug.
DALE:
Oh, cold, hilarious fate.
Ripped By mstoll