Kim Possible (2002–2007): Season 2, Episode 5 - Car Trouble - full transcript

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Kim, this isn't just a big deal.

It's a big, hairy deal.

It's Driver's Ed, Ron.
No big.

This isn't any old class, K.P.

This is a rite of passage.

Today we get behind the wheel
of Detroit steel.

I repeat, no big.

Oh, oh, really, Kim?

Need I remind you
of Russell Needlemeyer?

He flunked Driver's Ed,

and now he lives
in his parents' basement



and takes the bus

to his job as a taxidermist.

Russell has a lot of issues.

Yes! And they all
started in Driver's Ed.

People, today
is the most important day

of your young lives.

Today you pass through
the doorway to adulthood.

Today you drive.

( cheering )

But first, a film. Lights.

NARRATOR:
This used to be Judy's car.

And what a swell car it was.

Downright nifty
for going to sock hops

and soda parlors.



What's a sock hop?

What's a soda parlor?

But that was all before Judy's

keen little coupe became...

You can imagine
what that carnage

would look like in color.

Don't look away, people!

( tires screeching,
metal scraping crash )

He said that?

Well, he just moved

from "hottie"
to "nottie."

Okay, who's ready to roll?

( dramatic squeaking groan )

♪ Oh, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ I'm your basic average girl ♪

♪ And I'm here
to save the world ♪

♪ You can't stop me
'cause I'm... ♪

♪ Kim Possible ♪

♪ There is nothing I can't do ♪

♪ When danger calls,
just know that I am on my way ♪

♪ Know that I am on my way ♪

♪ It doesn't matter where
or when there's trouble ♪

♪ If you just call my name ♪

♪ Kim Possible ♪

♪ Call me, beep me
if you want to reach me ♪

♪ When you want to page me,
it's okay ♪

♪ Whenever you need me, baby ♪

♪ Call me, beep me
if you want to reach me ♪

♪ Call me, beep me
if you want to reach me ♪

♪ Doesn't matter where,
doesn't matter when ♪

♪ Doesn't matter when ♪

♪ I will be there for you
till the very end ♪

♪ Danger or trouble,
I'm there on the double ♪

♪ You know that you always
can call Kim Possible. ♪

True, the microcircuitry problem

has yet to be solved.

And, of course, there is

the positronic interface
to think about.

But the basic theoretical work
is sound, right?

Or am I completely cracked?

Well...?

I'm thinking, I'm thinking.

Done thinking; it'll work.

Wonderful! Let's celebrate.

Blender, whip up
a banana smoothie.

You got it, Dr. Freeman.

Stereo, party mix,
if you please.

Oh, yeah, cranking it up, baby.

( music playing )

I got a pita pocket,
and I'm ready to warm.

Microwave, you know me
all too well.

Cancel that order.

Good morning,
Dr. Freeman.

( salsa music playing )

Ugh!

You're coming with me.

Wha...?! I...

Someone's trying
to take Dr. Freeman.

Attack!
( grunting )

( whirring )
Ah!

( beeping )

Ah!

Make it stop.

Make it... stop?

What happened?

You know, for someone
who's supposedly a mad genius,

I'm not seeing
much of the genius.

Keep it up, Shego,

and you'll see plenty
of the mad.

Ooh, scary man.

Um... pardon me,

but what is it you two want?

You're going to help me,
Dr. Freeman,

with a little problem
I'm having.

And pay for my dry cleaning
as well.

( tires screeching )

( tires screeching )

Hey, this school's insurance
will cover the damage, right?

( quavering groan )

Looks like you

and old Russ Needlemeyer

are going to spend
some quality time

together at the bus stop.

Rockwaller, tell me
you can break this string

of spirit-crushing failures.

Of course he's a frube,
but he's a beautiful frube.

Rockwaller!

Ugh. I got to do this thing.

Flip side.

Let's drive.

You are ready
for the pro circuit, Rockwaller.

Wow. Bonnie passed?

Don't choke.

Only when I see you.

This should be a cinch
for you, Possible.

Right.

No big, Mr. B.

What do you think you're doing?

Starting the car?

Without your seat belt?

Oh, yeah, right.

( engine starts )

Now what are you doing?

Uh, driving.

Not without
checking your mirrors

you're not, missy.

Mirrors. Gotcha.

Rite of passage...

Doorway to adulthood...

Ghost car...

Don't choke.

BARKIN:
Put it in gear.

Put it in gear, Possible.

Oh, yeah, right.

Sorry.

Watch your speed.

Cut the wheel.

This isn't jolly old England,
Possible.

Huh?
Right side.

Oh.
Squirrel.

Squirrel? Is that like a K-turn?

It's like a squirrel.

( gasps )

( tires screeching )

So, do I pass?

( sizzling hiss )

Hmm. Some sort of
manufacturing facility.

DRAKKEN:
Very observant,
Dr. Freeman.

This factory once manufactured
family station wagons,

but I twisted it.

My parents had a station wagon.

Went to sock hops
and soda parlors in it.

Oh, neato. Where was I?

Twisted it.

I've twisted it
to a grander purpose,

a far more insidious threat,

a much deadlier...

He's building an army of robots.

Why do you do that?

Evil rants is one of the
best perks of the job.

Yeah, well, it's boring,
y-you know?

( angry stammering )

Bring in the destructo-bots!

You've already built
your robot army,

so why do you need me?

It's really just a formality.

Dot the "I," stick a pin in it,
if you will...

I'll show you,
'cause it's pretty...

Destructo-bots, attack!

Destructo-bots, switch off.

All right, fine.

My destructo-bots are stupid.

Your creations,
on the other hand, are smart.

Smart and funny.

My toaster's quite the wag.

Always good for
a witty rejoinder.

I just want the smart.

Forget it! I'll
never help you

in your plans for
world conquest.

I was hoping you'd say that.

You've given me the chance
to test...

the brain sifter!

Yay!

( squeaky laughter )

So, as you can see

from this very conclusive
demonstration,

it's not so much

that I lost control of the car

as it is they built the gym

too close to the parking lot.

I never choke, ever.

Check the motto;
I can do anything.

Right. You can do anything,
including fail.

See the logic?

Too bad you weren't in

the remote controlled car
today, Kim.

Maybe you would've passed.

As long as Crash Stoppable
wasn't at the controls.

Just 'cause you're the only one
who passed Barkin's test,

doesn't mean that...

Hold that thought. Rufus!

Rufus! Come back!

Oh, he's gone!

He's gone forever!

( crying )

Oh, my sweet naked mole rat!
Why?! Why?!

( tires screeching )

Good to have you back,
little buddy.

( squeaky gibberish )

I am so over cars.

There's nothing wrong
with walking.

Yeah, yeah, I'm
thinking this whole

driving thing is way overrated.

( beeping )

Did Thomas Jefferson
drive a car?

Did George Washington?

Sure, the Wright Brothers
flew airplanes,

but did they drive?

Actually, I don't know,
but the point is...

Ron, we're being followed.

Really? Are you sure?

Only one way to find out.

( panting )

This way.

( gasping )

( grunting )

( cat screeching )

( bicycle bell ringing )

I'd just like to point out

that that was two fences
in a row,

and I didn't rip my pants.

Let no one doubt your mad
fence-jumping skills, Ron.

Now move.

( pants ripping )

( groans )

What happened to you?

Nothing.

I think we lost the car.

Kim Possible?

Yes?

I've come for you.

Ghost car!

( yelling )

Does he do this often?

Almost daily.

Ron, chill.

I highly doubt this SUV
is possessed by spirits.

I'm a systemized,
automotive driving
intelligence,

but my passengers
call me "Sadie."
No ghosts?

No ghosts.
( horn beeps )

I am equipped
with ejector seats,

disintegrator ray,

and I come in a variety
of colors.
Cool.

What about the monogram...
Too much?

I like.

Whoa!

That drink holder
looks large enough

to hold a king-size Slurpster.

King size? Yum.

Okay, I'm impressed,
but what do you want from me?

Some freak snatched my inventor,
Dr. Freeman.

I found your website.

I've never had a hit
from a car before.

Can you really do anything?

Oh, yeah... you know,
except a K-turn.

Any clue who did it?

Clueless, but the blender
might know something.

Did you say "blender"?

It was all...

so chaotic.

Yep, that's a talking
blender, all right.

Oh, creepy.

Just tell us whatever you can

about the people
who took Dr. Freeman.

Well, one of them was rogueish

and the other was petulant,

I-I guess I would say.

Rogueish and petulant.

Um, okay, can you be
a little more descriptive?

Height, weight...
Anything that might even be

just like a teensy bit
useful, you know?

Look, I wasn't built with eyes.

Try the toaster.

Truth be told, I
was concentrating

on making the toast
that was perfect: golden brown.

Good man.

Wait, I just remembered.

Spill.

Their body temperature

was at 98.6 degrees.

Well, great... that narrows
the list of suspects down to...

let's see... everybody
in the whole wide world.

There's no need to get testy.

Sorry, but generally
K.P. and I

get a little more to go on.

A picture maybe,
or some fingerprints.

Or even a voice.
Did you say
a voice?

I recorded the whole thing,
baby.

You wait until the blender and I

are about to mix it up
to mention this?

DRAKKEN:
Good morning, Dr. Freeman.

You're coming with me.

BOTH:
Drakken!

My compliments

Dr. Freeman...
You've survived

the brain sifter,
and the mind drill,

and the cranial drain.

I didn't want to
do this, Doctor,

but you've forced my hand.

Help me, please!

Come on, do me a salad.

Your entreaties
are falling on deaf ears.

Yep, just like I thought.

This guy won't help us

because he can't help us.

Shego, what are you saying...
The man's a genius.

The world's leading expert
on computerized automation.

If he really knew his stuff,

he'd fix your robots

and be on his merry way.

Right, Dr. Drakken?
Huh?

Oh! I see.

Yes, you're right.

This Freeman
clearly is
a poseur.

What?!
Yeah. We should
have grabbed

some other scientist.

Yes... perhaps somebody

from Lowerton Community College.

Those hacks?
I can program circles

around those buffoons.

You talk the talk.
Prove it.

Can't even program a VCR
at that place.

Bet you can't fix
my death ray, either.

Hey, don't...
don't push it.

Can you not?

KIM:
Pop quiz, Wade:

Drakken plus expert
on computerized intelligence

equals...

An evil robot army?

Has to be.

I'll cross-reference abandoned
factories with shipments

of robotic parts
and microprocessor orders.

You techno rock, Wade.

I try... but this is
a needle/haystack scenario, Kim.

Might take some time.
I'll check in
after school.

Later, Dad.
Need a ride to
school, Kimmie?

Already got one.
With a boy?

No... a self-driving

computerized sport utility

vehicle.
Okey-dokey.

As long as it's not a boy.

RON:
The moment of truth
is here.

Yes!

It fits!

The king-size Slurpster fits!

All right, all right,
put a lid on it.

You look like a spiller.

( slurping )

Ooh, brain freeze.

What's wrong, K.P.?

There's a driver side
drink holder, too.

I'm good on the beverage front.

It's Driver's Ed
that's got me torqued.

Oh, yeah. Forgot about that.

Excuse me?

Driver's education?

Yeah, Mr. Barkin's
test course is deadly.

Heinous and deadly.

Hello? What am I missing here?

Self-driving car...
I was made for this.

Right. We take Barkin's test
in Sadie, and we ace it!

It's perfect, K.P.
No, Ron, I'm not
going to cheat.

Is using

a calculator in algebra
cheating?

I don't use a calculator.

Okay, well, is cutting

and pasting stuff
from the Internet

and call it a term paper
cheating?

You are kidding, right?

What?
I can pass

this test on my own.

I know I can.

( birds chirping )

You know what
they say, Mr. B.

"Any crash you can
walk away from..."

Stoppable, I got
two words for you:

"public transportation."

Rite of passage.

Doorway to adulthood.

I was made for this.

Get in the car.

In the car, Possible!

Ooh, right, sorry.

Not even buckled in
and she's already choking.

I can't just idle
and watch this.

( gasps )

( tires screeching )

What are you doing?

State-mandated paperwork.

Are we doing this test
or not, Possible?

Yes, sir.

Don't worry, sweetie.

I've got you covered.

How's that?

I, um...

I've got it covered, um...

sweetie.

I am impervious to sweet talk,
Possible...

Start the car.

Well done.

Now let's see a K-turn.

K-turn?

Honey, I'll give you
the whole alphabet.

Pardon me?
Uh, you might
want to hang on.

Even dotted the "I."

Magnificent. A-plus-plus.

( chuckles nervously )
( horn beeps )

RON:
You aced it!

I knew you could!
Say, uh...

you'll give me rides, right...

'cause the whole Russ
Needlemeyer thing...

It really freaks me out.

Can we not talk cars, please?

Hey, Kimmie,
just want you to know

I can still drive circles
around you.

Anytime, anyplace,
Bonnie... as long as it's

before dark, and I have
a licensed driver

in the car.
Whatever.

You know, you seem
a little agitated

for a girl who just aced
her driver's test.

I cheated... well,

Sadie cheated for me,

but the guilt is still major.

You cheated?
She just did it.

I'm sorry, let me rephrase.

You cheated... and you didn't
let me cheat, too?!

I didn't cheat, Ron... I mean,

is it cheating if I
cheated, but didn't
mean to cheat?

What?
( device beeps )

What's the sitch, Wade?

Drakken's lair... found it.

Drakken, release Dr. Freeman.

Are they partying?

I told you I could do it.

I know... I told you
you could do it.

I never doubted you.

Sadie,

you came!

Ooh, it's quite exciting.

Dr. Drakken had
a programming glitch

in his destructo-bots

that he was sure I couldn't fix.

Well, I showed him.

Hi. Kim Possible.

Came to save you...
Did you just say

"fixed Drakken's
destructo-bots"?

Yes. They work perfectly now.

( whirring )

Which might not be a good thing.

( gasps ):
Uh-oh.

Destructo-bots,
vaporize them all.

But start with Kim Possible!

( gasps )

Ooh, that's going
to scratch the paint.

No. Scratch-proof paint.

Nice.

Duck!

( gasps )

( delighted groan )

Brain freeze!

Never underestimate
the power of the Slurpster.

King size.

Shego, Kim Possible

and that sporty utility vehicle

are destroying my robots!

And that's why
you have me around.

Real nice.

Sadie!

( all gasp )
Uh-oh.

( rapid whirring )

( maniacal chuckle )

( gurgling )

( yells )

I don't want to melt.

Come on.
We're gone.

( yells )

Farewell, Kim Possible.

We won't meet again.

Anybody see a way out of here?

No. And it's not
for a lack of trying.

I can get us out.

Sadie, you're still alive.

Yeah, but my automated
guidance systems are fried.

Someone's going to have
to drive me out of here.

No problem.
Doc Freeman can take the wheel.

Oh, sorry. I can't drive.

You can't drive?

Why else build
a self-driving car?

Great.

All right, all right,
when the chips are down

Ron Stoppable takes charge.

Now, which one of these pedal
thingies do I step on

to make it go-go?

( mumbles and whines )

Miss Possible,

you'll have to take the wheel.

Me? No way.

Confession time, Kim.

I lied. I didn't cheat
for you during Barkin's test.

You didn't?

I was going to,
but then I realized

you were doing just fine
by yourself,

so I just sat back
and enjoyed the ride.

Really? So I can drive?

A-plus-plus, baby.

Seat belts: check.

Mirrors: check.

Hot metal: check.

Could you just floor it please?!

KIM:
Going.

( tires screeching )

( gasps ):
Ikes.

Dead end!

( brakes screech )

And this passage is too narrow.

You'll never pull a U-turn!

Then the K-turn's all I've got.

Boo-yeah!

Wall!

( yells )

( screams )

( tires screeching )

Whoa-ho-ho!

Way to drive, K.P.!

Well done, indeed.

Want the cherry on top, Kim?

Just press the red button.

Well...

my robot army was a failure,

but at least Kim Possible
won't be around

to ruin my future schemes.

See? Always a
silver lining.

Yes.

( chuckles )

Do you hear something?

Kim Possible, you think
your car's all that,

but it's not!

Nailed the bad guys
and Mr. Barkin's test.

I call that a good week.

Confession time 2.0, Kim.

I really did do all the driving
on Barkin's test.

What?

Are you saying
you lied about lying?

Hey, I knew Kim
was a good driver.

She just needed
a little confidence boost,

so I fibbed.

Well, I hate to approve
of dishonesty... you know,

except for when it works
and no one notices.

But I did really drive
just now, right?

You swear?

Cross my carburetor
and hope to stall.

( brakes squeak )

So did I pass?

Why would the best student
driver I've ever seen

insist on retaking her test
only to lower her grade?

Just something
I had to do. So?

You passed.

B-minus.

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

I'll never understand teenagers.