Kiff (2023–…): Season 1, Episode 9 - Friendiversary/Totally Table Town - full transcript
Kiff and Barry are "identical tentacles" in everything. However, an extra gift may tip the scales; Kiff and the gang get lost in the woods during a terrifying encounter.
ANNOUNCER:
Brought to you by Bjorns
Blutooth Speakers.
Takes a slaying
and keeps on playing.
That's Bjorn.
(crickets chirping)
(dog barking distantly)
(computer whirs)
KIFF: Let me tell you
about Table Town.
Okay, we're all set.
Okay, what are we doing here?
So, there's this internet guy, SmartyPrance116,
and he said Table Town
isn't awesome.
(gasps)
Did you reply?
Naturally I wrote a brief essay
explaining why he was wrong.
And then I thought, no, no.
I've got to show him
how awesome Table Town is.
And I know just
the Tabletonians to do it.
Patty, Renée, Reggie, Candle,
Billiam, Timmy Table, Darryn.
Wait a minute,
that's only seven.
Hmm, someone's missing.
- I'm up here.
- Oh, hi, Trevor.
All right.
Testing, testing,
one, two, three.
Four, five, six, seven.
Ooh, sorry,
I thought we were doing
the head count thingy again.
Trevor, focus.
We don't have all day.
Yeah, my mom says
I have to be back before dark.
Okay, places, everyone.
Awesome.
Totally Table Town, take one.
- Roll sound.
- (synth music playing)
♪ Table Town's a place
Where dreams are made ♪
♪ Got a taste for life? ♪
♪ Then we're a buffet ♪
♪ Where people always give you
The time of day ♪
- Daytime!
- Thanks, stranger.
♪ I'll be on my way ♪
Great job, everyone.
Solid first take.
No notes.
You sound shocked.
I mean, you did text us video
of the choreography--
And a rough cut
of the music.
And begged us
not to embarrass Table Town.
(overlapping chatter)
Oh, that...
that was just for me?
This is kind of a big deal.
That's why I brought signs,
for subliminal messaging.
(laughs)
You guys are making Table Town
look so good!
What are we doing
for the big finale, Kiff?
All right,
picture this, people.
A gorgeous shot
overlooking all of Table Town.
And that's where we'll get it.
ALL:
What?
That looks pretty precipitous.
I did not bring my
yak tracks.
Oh, we're not going there.
We're going there.
(hawk screams)
High. Too high.
(groans)
Guys, guys, come on.
It's Table Town.
There's absolutely nothing
to be afraid of.
(wind gusting)
(sighs)
There.
That's where we'll get
the money shot,
and end this movie
on a high note.
What's this?
Probably a sign welcoming
independent filmmakers.
MAN: And all children
who enter, beware.
If you get lost,
Ghost Wolf
will be there.
(scoffs and laughs)
Ghost Wolf
is just Table Town legend.
There's absolutely nothing
to be afraid of.
This old guy must be new.
Heed my warns!
Heed them!
Please?
I don't know, Kiff.
His warns
were pretty convincing.
Forget the video.
Let's just head back.
Forget the video?
And let SmartyPrance's comment
go unanswered?
No way.
We can't turn back now.
(wolf howls)
(owl hoots)
- (crow caws)
- (screams)
(whirring)
- What was that?
- Relax.
It's just the, um,
natural sounds of Table Town.
I thought I heard some
natural sounds of Table Town
coming from Reggie earlier.
(giggling)
Do you want
to call your mommy?
(laughs)
Yes, but the service
up here sucks.
(groans)
Come on,
we're losing daylight.
(whimpers)
(sighs)
We made it.
(synth music playing)
♪ We have sights to see here ♪
♪ In Table Town ♪
♪ Bright lights at night ♪
♪ Here in Table Town ♪
♪ Make friends for life
Up in Table Town ♪
(growling)
Run!
(all screaming)
- (all panting)
- KIFF: Keep running.
(sniffles)
Um, I just want to apologize
to my mom...
because I can't call her
because there's no signal
up here.
(sniffles and whimpers)
Oh! Oh, no!
(wolf howling distantly)
Ah!
(glass squeaking)
(growling)
(all scream)
(snarling)
I think we're going
the wrong way.
Uh, follow me.
(lightning crashes)
(wind gusting)
(snarling)
(all panting)
I just need to catch my--
- (twig snaps)
- Oh!
I don't know,
maybe SmartyPrance116 was right.
Maybe Table Town's
not so awesome after all.
We're fine, Patty.
Everything is fine.
Um, has anyone seen the speaker?
Okay, Kiff,
since everything is fine,
where are we?
(wind gusts)
Yeah, I have no idea.
So what you're saying is.
the speaker's lost,
and so are we.
Oh, that's just great.
Oh, hey.
I think I got a signal...
(screams)
Maybe we should split up,
but together?
Uh, like the buddy system?
Yes! You're a genius, Barr.
That way we cover more ground,
find the missing speaker,
finish the video
and put it online.
Finish the video?
(overlapped chatter)
The video of us all dying!
No!
This has SmartyPrance
written all over it.
Can't you see?
He's trying to tear us apart.
I bet he's behind this
Ghost Wolf nonsense.
Tricking us, making us question
our love for Table Town.
- (snarling)
- We have to be fearless.
I bet that Ghost Wolf's
nothing more
than a cardboard cutout
and some art supplies.
Oh, no.
(screams)
(all panting)
- (growling)
- (screams)
Sorry, Reggie.
I was making those natural
sounds of Table Town.
Yeah, I know.
♪ Table Town's a place
Where dreams are made ♪
(synth music and singing
plays over speaker)
♪ Table Town's a place
Where dreams are made ♪
♪ Got a taste for life? ♪
♪ Then we're a buffet ♪
(wolf croaking)
(turns music off)
(howls)
The speaker!
Ghost Wolf wants us
to finish the video!
(crickets chirp)
(helicopter propellers whirring)
We're saved!
(slurps)
(both sigh)
Thanks for saving us, captain.
Me? I just responded
to the emergency howl.
Yeah, Ghost Wolf
is a bit of a mystery,
but he's got a real knack
for herding kids to safety.
(laughs)
Look at them.
(crowd screaming)
All having fun
down there.
I'll circle back
for them later.
(growling)
I was so right.
(laughs)
Everything about Table Town
is awesome!
♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪
♪ It's awesome
Here in Table Town ♪
♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪
♪ In your face
We proved you wrong ♪
♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪
♪ I've got reception
Hi, Mom ♪
♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪
(howls)
♪ That's why it's awesome ♪
♪ We love Table Town ♪
Do you have a permit
to film here?
- (typing)
- Well, that kept her busy.
And send.
-Hmm!
-Hmm!
(closing theme plays)
Brought to you by Bjorns
Blutooth Speakers.
Takes a slaying
and keeps on playing.
That's Bjorn.
(crickets chirping)
(dog barking distantly)
(computer whirs)
KIFF: Let me tell you
about Table Town.
Okay, we're all set.
Okay, what are we doing here?
So, there's this internet guy, SmartyPrance116,
and he said Table Town
isn't awesome.
(gasps)
Did you reply?
Naturally I wrote a brief essay
explaining why he was wrong.
And then I thought, no, no.
I've got to show him
how awesome Table Town is.
And I know just
the Tabletonians to do it.
Patty, Renée, Reggie, Candle,
Billiam, Timmy Table, Darryn.
Wait a minute,
that's only seven.
Hmm, someone's missing.
- I'm up here.
- Oh, hi, Trevor.
All right.
Testing, testing,
one, two, three.
Four, five, six, seven.
Ooh, sorry,
I thought we were doing
the head count thingy again.
Trevor, focus.
We don't have all day.
Yeah, my mom says
I have to be back before dark.
Okay, places, everyone.
Awesome.
Totally Table Town, take one.
- Roll sound.
- (synth music playing)
♪ Table Town's a place
Where dreams are made ♪
♪ Got a taste for life? ♪
♪ Then we're a buffet ♪
♪ Where people always give you
The time of day ♪
- Daytime!
- Thanks, stranger.
♪ I'll be on my way ♪
Great job, everyone.
Solid first take.
No notes.
You sound shocked.
I mean, you did text us video
of the choreography--
And a rough cut
of the music.
And begged us
not to embarrass Table Town.
(overlapping chatter)
Oh, that...
that was just for me?
This is kind of a big deal.
That's why I brought signs,
for subliminal messaging.
(laughs)
You guys are making Table Town
look so good!
What are we doing
for the big finale, Kiff?
All right,
picture this, people.
A gorgeous shot
overlooking all of Table Town.
And that's where we'll get it.
ALL:
What?
That looks pretty precipitous.
I did not bring my
yak tracks.
Oh, we're not going there.
We're going there.
(hawk screams)
High. Too high.
(groans)
Guys, guys, come on.
It's Table Town.
There's absolutely nothing
to be afraid of.
(wind gusting)
(sighs)
There.
That's where we'll get
the money shot,
and end this movie
on a high note.
What's this?
Probably a sign welcoming
independent filmmakers.
MAN: And all children
who enter, beware.
If you get lost,
Ghost Wolf
will be there.
(scoffs and laughs)
Ghost Wolf
is just Table Town legend.
There's absolutely nothing
to be afraid of.
This old guy must be new.
Heed my warns!
Heed them!
Please?
I don't know, Kiff.
His warns
were pretty convincing.
Forget the video.
Let's just head back.
Forget the video?
And let SmartyPrance's comment
go unanswered?
No way.
We can't turn back now.
(wolf howls)
(owl hoots)
- (crow caws)
- (screams)
(whirring)
- What was that?
- Relax.
It's just the, um,
natural sounds of Table Town.
I thought I heard some
natural sounds of Table Town
coming from Reggie earlier.
(giggling)
Do you want
to call your mommy?
(laughs)
Yes, but the service
up here sucks.
(groans)
Come on,
we're losing daylight.
(whimpers)
(sighs)
We made it.
(synth music playing)
♪ We have sights to see here ♪
♪ In Table Town ♪
♪ Bright lights at night ♪
♪ Here in Table Town ♪
♪ Make friends for life
Up in Table Town ♪
(growling)
Run!
(all screaming)
- (all panting)
- KIFF: Keep running.
(sniffles)
Um, I just want to apologize
to my mom...
because I can't call her
because there's no signal
up here.
(sniffles and whimpers)
Oh! Oh, no!
(wolf howling distantly)
Ah!
(glass squeaking)
(growling)
(all scream)
(snarling)
I think we're going
the wrong way.
Uh, follow me.
(lightning crashes)
(wind gusting)
(snarling)
(all panting)
I just need to catch my--
- (twig snaps)
- Oh!
I don't know,
maybe SmartyPrance116 was right.
Maybe Table Town's
not so awesome after all.
We're fine, Patty.
Everything is fine.
Um, has anyone seen the speaker?
Okay, Kiff,
since everything is fine,
where are we?
(wind gusts)
Yeah, I have no idea.
So what you're saying is.
the speaker's lost,
and so are we.
Oh, that's just great.
Oh, hey.
I think I got a signal...
(screams)
Maybe we should split up,
but together?
Uh, like the buddy system?
Yes! You're a genius, Barr.
That way we cover more ground,
find the missing speaker,
finish the video
and put it online.
Finish the video?
(overlapped chatter)
The video of us all dying!
No!
This has SmartyPrance
written all over it.
Can't you see?
He's trying to tear us apart.
I bet he's behind this
Ghost Wolf nonsense.
Tricking us, making us question
our love for Table Town.
- (snarling)
- We have to be fearless.
I bet that Ghost Wolf's
nothing more
than a cardboard cutout
and some art supplies.
Oh, no.
(screams)
(all panting)
- (growling)
- (screams)
Sorry, Reggie.
I was making those natural
sounds of Table Town.
Yeah, I know.
♪ Table Town's a place
Where dreams are made ♪
(synth music and singing
plays over speaker)
♪ Table Town's a place
Where dreams are made ♪
♪ Got a taste for life? ♪
♪ Then we're a buffet ♪
(wolf croaking)
(turns music off)
(howls)
The speaker!
Ghost Wolf wants us
to finish the video!
(crickets chirp)
(helicopter propellers whirring)
We're saved!
(slurps)
(both sigh)
Thanks for saving us, captain.
Me? I just responded
to the emergency howl.
Yeah, Ghost Wolf
is a bit of a mystery,
but he's got a real knack
for herding kids to safety.
(laughs)
Look at them.
(crowd screaming)
All having fun
down there.
I'll circle back
for them later.
(growling)
I was so right.
(laughs)
Everything about Table Town
is awesome!
♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪
♪ It's awesome
Here in Table Town ♪
♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪
♪ In your face
We proved you wrong ♪
♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪
♪ I've got reception
Hi, Mom ♪
♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪
(howls)
♪ That's why it's awesome ♪
♪ We love Table Town ♪
Do you have a permit
to film here?
- (typing)
- Well, that kept her busy.
And send.
-Hmm!
-Hmm!
(closing theme plays)