Kiff (2023–…): Season 1, Episode 4 - The Five Pigeons of the Acapellapocalypse/Leave a Little Juice - full transcript
Kiff unleashes five forces of chaos, and Helen is the only one who can help; Kiff needs to have a difficult discussion with Barry about finishing Martin's OJ.
ANNOUNCER: Brought to you
by Delfman's Dry Bread:
Want moisture?
Go jump in a lake.
We're freaking bread!
♪ Toast, toast ♪
♪ I've made some
Extra burnt toast ♪
♪ I should have
Watched the toaster ♪
♪ Instead of writing a song ♪
(giggles)
Mm.
(coughs)
You know what
this special food needs?
A little sippy of OJ.
Hey, who drank all the juice
and just left
an empty container?
BERYL: Hmm, if I had to guess?
A certain pal of Kiff's,
has two big bunny ears,
rhymes with "shmerry."
Who? Barry?
I know you're not talking
about my boy Barry
behind his back right now.
Sweetie, we love Barry.
It's just, well,
that bunny loves his juice.
My juice.
(grunts)
Kiff, the next time
you have Barry over,
just ask him not to finish
all of our orange juice, okay?
What? I do that?
I'm in charge
of telling him that?
You can handle it.
Oh, look! Our neighbor
got a new garden gnome.
- What?
- Wait!
What exactly do I say to Barry?
Is he trying
to out-gnome us?
I never agreed to this!
(Barry laughing)
Okay, so I says
to Miss Deer Teacher:
Pop quiz?
How about some popcorn?
(laughs)
We got to keep
this laugh train going.
Want to come over?
You know I do.
Mm. Oh.
(smacks lips)
Hmm, I'm suddenly
a little thirsty.
Wait, I feel like there was
something I was supposed to do.
Yup, a cold glass
of something fruity
sure sounds good.
Oh, what drink
am I thinking of, though?
Made out of fruit--
No, no, no.
Hang on, I was trying
to remember something first.
Oh, well,
probably wasn't important.
Oh! Orange juice!
Man, that was driving me crazy.
(Barry laughs)
I was like,
"Come on, brain!"
- (laughs)
- Hey, Barry.
I've got to talk to you
about something
before we get
to my house.
Ooh, fun. Lay it on me.
- Uh...
- Hey, Billiam.
I've got to talk to you
about something.
It's no big deal,
but my dad said
you need to start taking
your muddy shoes off
before you come
into our house.
What? Are you serious?
(groans)
Mud?
Our friendship
is forever blemished!
BARRY:
Yoo-hoo!
What did you have
to talk to me about?
KIFF:
Oh, Barry. I can't do this.
He's just a delicate
little flower.
(both sobbing)
You're perfect.
Don't change a thing.
Oh! Oh, thank you for saying.
Oh, I regret everything!
(both sobbing)
(lawn mower whirring)
(lips smacking)
You know what
we never do anymore?
Hide-and-seek.
I'll hide.
You stay right here
with your eyes closed
and count to the highest number
you can think of.
- Okay, go.
- One, two...
This is tough.
Whew! We have a whole fresh jug.
Even on his thirstiest days,
Barry never finishes
a whole jug.
Now I can put off
the awkward convo.
- Found you!
- Ah!
Barry! What happened,
uh, to the counting?
Oh, it's such a gorgeous day.
I couldn't think past 12.
Ooh! OJ.
May I?
Go for it, Bar.
Have a glass.
One should be enough, right?
We're just kids, after all,
with kid stomachs.
Beautifully put.
Wait, this feels kind of rude.
Drinking your family's juice
like this.
It... it does?
So you're aware?
Kiff, it's glaringly obvious.
You should be having
a glass with me!
Oh. Uh, no.
I don't need to waste--
Uh, taste any juice.
I insist.
- Say when.
- When!
Now, Barry, please drink
your one glass of juice
so we can move on
and both stop thinking about it.
Alrighty. Here I go.
Whoops.
Juice fingers.
These things happen, right?
Take two!
Jug's, uh, mostly full.
I've just got to make sure Barry
actually drinks it this time.
Uh, what you doing
over there, Bar?
- (lawn mower whirring)
- That cool ponytail guy out there
is just mowing the lawn
in the hot sun.
- Doesn't he look thirsty?
- Who, the Pone?
(gasps)
Nah, he's always sweating
and wiping his forehead
and smacking his lips--
- Excuse me!
- Barry, no!
The Pone? Would you care
for a refreshing glass of juice?
Uh, you don't want
our sour old juice.
(laughs nervously)
How about a delicious cup
of room-temp water
from the pitcher my mom
keeps out on the counter?
Someone say
sour old juice?
That's the Pone's favorite.
- Load me up.
- Here you go, my man.
Courtesy of your neighbors,
the Chatterleys.
Hey, these things happen.
I just did the same thing.
(laughing)
How about that?
(both laugh)
(giggling)
(all laughing)
- These things happen!
- These things happen!
(both laugh)
(both scream)
- (sighs)
- What was wrong with those?
Oh, it's bad luck
to drink an over-poured glass.
I'm superstitious.
(laughs)
(screams)
(flies buzzing)
Let's pour one out for those
who have to go without juice.
What?
Protecting that jug of juice
is hard work.
(sighs)
Oh, no!
What an afternoon
we're having.
But this'll definitely
be the last glass.
- Ah!
- We forgot the glass.
Ugh, this is a disaster.
Kiff, cheer up.
Juice grows on trees.
- Well, fruit, anyway.
- (car approaching)
My mom's already home from work.
That means it's dinnertime.
It's the third Thursday
of the month: BLT night!
Dad's definitely gonna want
a glass of OJ with his BLT.
And when he finds the empty jug,
they'll know I didn't have
the talk with Barry.
(birds tweeting)
(doorknob jiggling)
Barry, go stall--
I mean, greet my parents
at the door!
Okay.
(panting)
Hi! Welcome home.
I hope you party people
are ready for BLT night.
Yeah!
(gasps)
Nice and full.
Hey, I thought we drank
all the--
(coughs)
I could get used to this.
(whispering)
Thank you.
- What the...?
- Juice settles, hon.
It probably
just needs a shake.
(liquid sloshes)
More, Dad.
Shake it more.
(liquid sloshing)
How long am I supposed
to keep shaking?
Uh, nothing crazy.
Just until Barry and I
are away at college.
MARTIN:
That's it.
I'm going down
to that con artist
of a grocery store
and giving them
a piece of my mind.
Come on, everybody.
Toss your BLTs.
We won't be eating dinner tonight.
- Yeah!
- This is way more important.
Wait!
Uh, Dad, a quick word?
Barry drank
all the juice again.
Oh, man.
But your mother said--
I couldn't do it,
all right?
I couldn't tell him not to.
Look at that delicate face.
As a kid, I had a part-time job
at a grocery store,
and let me tell you, Barry,
you would not believe...
Oh, my gosh, you're right.
Barry can't take
that kind of criticism.
He'd wilt like
the delicate flower he is.
And what if it shamed him
out of never coming over again?
You were right
to not tell him, Kiff.
Don't worry,
I got your back.
You know,
they water down the juice
and then they hike up
the prices.
It is not right, Beryl.
It is not right.
MARTIN:
On second thought,
even grocery stores
make mistakes.
Let's forget about it
and enjoy some of Beryl's
room-temp pitcher water.
You hate my room-temp
pitcher water.
I'm guessing Kiff
didn't get a chance
to talk to you, Barry.
What about?
Well...
in the future,
when you come over...
- No!
- No!
...can you not drink
so much juice?
Oh.
Oh, I see.
Sure thing, Beryl!
Thanks for being so direct.
I love you.
But-but Barry, I--
I thought you'd be upset.
I tried so many ways
to get out of telling you today,
because I was worried
it might make you feel weird,
or make you feel bad.
I love it when people
tell it to me like it is.
The truth sets you free, baby.
Oh, Barry, you're not
a delicate flower at all.
You're a mighty tree.
You inspire me.
Oh! Oh, my gosh!
OJ?
"Orange juice."
I just got that!
Okay.
Here goes.
How bad can BLTs with water be?
Dad, you're so weird
about water.
- Just drink it.
- (doorbell rings)
Oh, thank goodness!
I'll get it!
Top o' the evening to you,
Chatterley crew.
Chat Junior
and her compadre here
were kind enough
to squeeze me a glass
of the old
liquid citrus earlier,
and I was so touched,
I couldn't chill till I returned
with an epic repayment.
I brought you a brand-new
carton of ju--
What? I don't like that guy.
(ending theme)
by Delfman's Dry Bread:
Want moisture?
Go jump in a lake.
We're freaking bread!
♪ Toast, toast ♪
♪ I've made some
Extra burnt toast ♪
♪ I should have
Watched the toaster ♪
♪ Instead of writing a song ♪
(giggles)
Mm.
(coughs)
You know what
this special food needs?
A little sippy of OJ.
Hey, who drank all the juice
and just left
an empty container?
BERYL: Hmm, if I had to guess?
A certain pal of Kiff's,
has two big bunny ears,
rhymes with "shmerry."
Who? Barry?
I know you're not talking
about my boy Barry
behind his back right now.
Sweetie, we love Barry.
It's just, well,
that bunny loves his juice.
My juice.
(grunts)
Kiff, the next time
you have Barry over,
just ask him not to finish
all of our orange juice, okay?
What? I do that?
I'm in charge
of telling him that?
You can handle it.
Oh, look! Our neighbor
got a new garden gnome.
- What?
- Wait!
What exactly do I say to Barry?
Is he trying
to out-gnome us?
I never agreed to this!
(Barry laughing)
Okay, so I says
to Miss Deer Teacher:
Pop quiz?
How about some popcorn?
(laughs)
We got to keep
this laugh train going.
Want to come over?
You know I do.
Mm. Oh.
(smacks lips)
Hmm, I'm suddenly
a little thirsty.
Wait, I feel like there was
something I was supposed to do.
Yup, a cold glass
of something fruity
sure sounds good.
Oh, what drink
am I thinking of, though?
Made out of fruit--
No, no, no.
Hang on, I was trying
to remember something first.
Oh, well,
probably wasn't important.
Oh! Orange juice!
Man, that was driving me crazy.
(Barry laughs)
I was like,
"Come on, brain!"
- (laughs)
- Hey, Barry.
I've got to talk to you
about something
before we get
to my house.
Ooh, fun. Lay it on me.
- Uh...
- Hey, Billiam.
I've got to talk to you
about something.
It's no big deal,
but my dad said
you need to start taking
your muddy shoes off
before you come
into our house.
What? Are you serious?
(groans)
Mud?
Our friendship
is forever blemished!
BARRY:
Yoo-hoo!
What did you have
to talk to me about?
KIFF:
Oh, Barry. I can't do this.
He's just a delicate
little flower.
(both sobbing)
You're perfect.
Don't change a thing.
Oh! Oh, thank you for saying.
Oh, I regret everything!
(both sobbing)
(lawn mower whirring)
(lips smacking)
You know what
we never do anymore?
Hide-and-seek.
I'll hide.
You stay right here
with your eyes closed
and count to the highest number
you can think of.
- Okay, go.
- One, two...
This is tough.
Whew! We have a whole fresh jug.
Even on his thirstiest days,
Barry never finishes
a whole jug.
Now I can put off
the awkward convo.
- Found you!
- Ah!
Barry! What happened,
uh, to the counting?
Oh, it's such a gorgeous day.
I couldn't think past 12.
Ooh! OJ.
May I?
Go for it, Bar.
Have a glass.
One should be enough, right?
We're just kids, after all,
with kid stomachs.
Beautifully put.
Wait, this feels kind of rude.
Drinking your family's juice
like this.
It... it does?
So you're aware?
Kiff, it's glaringly obvious.
You should be having
a glass with me!
Oh. Uh, no.
I don't need to waste--
Uh, taste any juice.
I insist.
- Say when.
- When!
Now, Barry, please drink
your one glass of juice
so we can move on
and both stop thinking about it.
Alrighty. Here I go.
Whoops.
Juice fingers.
These things happen, right?
Take two!
Jug's, uh, mostly full.
I've just got to make sure Barry
actually drinks it this time.
Uh, what you doing
over there, Bar?
- (lawn mower whirring)
- That cool ponytail guy out there
is just mowing the lawn
in the hot sun.
- Doesn't he look thirsty?
- Who, the Pone?
(gasps)
Nah, he's always sweating
and wiping his forehead
and smacking his lips--
- Excuse me!
- Barry, no!
The Pone? Would you care
for a refreshing glass of juice?
Uh, you don't want
our sour old juice.
(laughs nervously)
How about a delicious cup
of room-temp water
from the pitcher my mom
keeps out on the counter?
Someone say
sour old juice?
That's the Pone's favorite.
- Load me up.
- Here you go, my man.
Courtesy of your neighbors,
the Chatterleys.
Hey, these things happen.
I just did the same thing.
(laughing)
How about that?
(both laugh)
(giggling)
(all laughing)
- These things happen!
- These things happen!
(both laugh)
(both scream)
- (sighs)
- What was wrong with those?
Oh, it's bad luck
to drink an over-poured glass.
I'm superstitious.
(laughs)
(screams)
(flies buzzing)
Let's pour one out for those
who have to go without juice.
What?
Protecting that jug of juice
is hard work.
(sighs)
Oh, no!
What an afternoon
we're having.
But this'll definitely
be the last glass.
- Ah!
- We forgot the glass.
Ugh, this is a disaster.
Kiff, cheer up.
Juice grows on trees.
- Well, fruit, anyway.
- (car approaching)
My mom's already home from work.
That means it's dinnertime.
It's the third Thursday
of the month: BLT night!
Dad's definitely gonna want
a glass of OJ with his BLT.
And when he finds the empty jug,
they'll know I didn't have
the talk with Barry.
(birds tweeting)
(doorknob jiggling)
Barry, go stall--
I mean, greet my parents
at the door!
Okay.
(panting)
Hi! Welcome home.
I hope you party people
are ready for BLT night.
Yeah!
(gasps)
Nice and full.
Hey, I thought we drank
all the--
(coughs)
I could get used to this.
(whispering)
Thank you.
- What the...?
- Juice settles, hon.
It probably
just needs a shake.
(liquid sloshes)
More, Dad.
Shake it more.
(liquid sloshing)
How long am I supposed
to keep shaking?
Uh, nothing crazy.
Just until Barry and I
are away at college.
MARTIN:
That's it.
I'm going down
to that con artist
of a grocery store
and giving them
a piece of my mind.
Come on, everybody.
Toss your BLTs.
We won't be eating dinner tonight.
- Yeah!
- This is way more important.
Wait!
Uh, Dad, a quick word?
Barry drank
all the juice again.
Oh, man.
But your mother said--
I couldn't do it,
all right?
I couldn't tell him not to.
Look at that delicate face.
As a kid, I had a part-time job
at a grocery store,
and let me tell you, Barry,
you would not believe...
Oh, my gosh, you're right.
Barry can't take
that kind of criticism.
He'd wilt like
the delicate flower he is.
And what if it shamed him
out of never coming over again?
You were right
to not tell him, Kiff.
Don't worry,
I got your back.
You know,
they water down the juice
and then they hike up
the prices.
It is not right, Beryl.
It is not right.
MARTIN:
On second thought,
even grocery stores
make mistakes.
Let's forget about it
and enjoy some of Beryl's
room-temp pitcher water.
You hate my room-temp
pitcher water.
I'm guessing Kiff
didn't get a chance
to talk to you, Barry.
What about?
Well...
in the future,
when you come over...
- No!
- No!
...can you not drink
so much juice?
Oh.
Oh, I see.
Sure thing, Beryl!
Thanks for being so direct.
I love you.
But-but Barry, I--
I thought you'd be upset.
I tried so many ways
to get out of telling you today,
because I was worried
it might make you feel weird,
or make you feel bad.
I love it when people
tell it to me like it is.
The truth sets you free, baby.
Oh, Barry, you're not
a delicate flower at all.
You're a mighty tree.
You inspire me.
Oh! Oh, my gosh!
OJ?
"Orange juice."
I just got that!
Okay.
Here goes.
How bad can BLTs with water be?
Dad, you're so weird
about water.
- Just drink it.
- (doorbell rings)
Oh, thank goodness!
I'll get it!
Top o' the evening to you,
Chatterley crew.
Chat Junior
and her compadre here
were kind enough
to squeeze me a glass
of the old
liquid citrus earlier,
and I was so touched,
I couldn't chill till I returned
with an epic repayment.
I brought you a brand-new
carton of ju--
What? I don't like that guy.
(ending theme)