Kiff (2023–…): Season 1, Episode 15 - Mall Leader/Ghost Wolf's Art - full transcript

[announcer]
Brought to you by art.

Art! It is... It's not a joke.

[song playing over computer]

[Barry] Hmm.

Hmm.

[snarling]

[all scream]

Who are you?

It's saying I'm an introvert,
but I don't know.

No, I mean who is he?

[Barry]
The Ghost Wolf from the woods?



Yes. I need to know
more about him.

He saved us, Barr--

Didn't even get to say
thank you.

The rescue guy said
he herds lost kids to safety.

It's not like we can get lost
on purpose.

I regret my choice of words.

- Hey, Kiff, wait up!
- [distant howling]

All right, we saw him here
and then we went this way.

[both scream]

[both grunt]

[yelps]

[laughs]

Hmm.

[gasps]



[panting]

Feeling lost.

Sure would be a great time
for a Ghost Wolf to find us.

Barry needs a little
breakie-poo.

Kiff, look.

[panting and snarling]

[roars]

[breathing heavily]

- [grumbling]
- [both scream]

Uh, we just wanted
to say thank you

for herding us to safety.

We respect you
and your boundaries.

[growling]

Wow, this is a lot of reading.

Ahem. Apologies.

I was not aware of at what age

non-ghost children
become literate.

I... I can speak
the common tongue.

Did you paint this?

I did, but no one
was supposed to see it.

Too powerful!

You're so talented.

We got to have an art show.

The world needs to see your art.

You're kind, Squirrel Child.

I paint for expression,
not praise.

But praise is nice.

The world is not ready
for my art, though.

I only paint that which is true.

And nobody likes the truth.

I would like to commission
from you ten pieces

for my personal collection.

I'll pay any price.

I have no need for earthly coin.

Oh, okay, so...

I only value...

[in monstrous voice]
...living things!

- Uh...
- [in normal voice] Like plants.

My rate is one rare fern
per painting.

Would you like
some more friends?

I think you would.
I think you would.

You got a deal.

You know I like
old Mr. Ghost Wolf.

He's a little whacky,

but I can tell
he's got a heart of gold.

So, what are you gonna do
with ten of his paintings?

They're not for me.

We're gonna have an art show
and prove to him

that the world
is ready for his art.

Tomorrow, you come back here

and make sure he does
all ten paintings.

I'll take care of the rest.

[classical music plays]

[sighs]

Bunny Child.

I am your new apprentice.

I have always taken
a keen interest in the arts.

Oh, well, uh, you are welcome
to watch, but, uh...

Hmm. [growls]

[snarling]

Ooh, the artistic process.

No, no, no.
I have painter's block.

I've never done this before professionally.

I'm a hobbyist!

Hmm. How'd you paint
the first one?

I was just watching you
and your friends in the woods,

and I felt inspired.

Oh, that's it!
We have to watch more people.

Loosen it up.
Get the artistic juices flowing.

Ahem, I know I'm just
some kid off the street,

but I think you'll want
to hear what I have to say.

- Yeah, that's it.
- Get out of here!

We don't rent space
to any kid off the street

with something to say.

This is a serious art gallery.

Crud. I need a new plan.

Hmm.

It is a 76-minute walk

back to the aerial tram--

Oh! Never mind!

Sorry, forgot.

Boop.

[giggles] That tickles.

[grunting]

So? Are you inspired?

Very. Let's find
some more people to observe.

The artistic process!

Good morning. I'm late.
Don't apologize to me.

Ugh, derivative, contrived,

reductive, lacking concept.

Oh, did your mechanic
do this one?

I mean that as a compliment.
It's not bad.

- Can I help--?
- Mal Varland.

We have an appointment
to discuss my client.

I am so sorry, I don't have you
in my calendar.

I said don't apologize to me.

I represent
the secretive artist,

Ghost Wolf.

I presume you've heard of him?

- Oh, of course.
- He's a soon-to-be icon.

[sniffs]
Do you smell old lettuce?

[hacks and clears throat]

Step into my office.
Let's discuss the details.

[teeth chatter]

[classical music playing]

I said three feet apart,
not 2'11".

So sorry, Mal.

[sighs] I'm the only person
in this town with taste.

Kiff, I just had
the greatest day

of my young life.

Ghost Wolf,
these are incredible.

I'm going to cry!

So, uh, should I invoice
for the ferns, or...?

Oh, right.
I've got something for you.

It's an invitation to the, uh...

nursery where you can collect
the rare ferns.

But it doesn't open
until 7:00 p.m.,
and it's black tie.

It's a nice nursery.
A nice night nursery.

Okay, see you then. Bye!

Hello? I'm here
for my ten rare ferns?

Let there be art!

Welcome, everyone.
Meet the artist.

- [man] What a talent.
- [woman] Wonderful!

Usually you go to a gallery
and the artist is dead,

but this guy's alive.

So authentic. What a talent.

What have you done?

You said these were
for your personal collection.

I wanted rare ferns,
not all of this.

Ghost Wolf, can't you see?

You thought people weren't ready
for your art, but look,

they love it.

- So wonderful.
- Whoo!

So moving.

Well, maybe...

- [Glarbin] What is this?
- Yep, there it is.

I don't measure my height daily
in a doorframe

like a naive child filled
with the hope of growing taller.

I'm a grown-up.

[Miss Deer Teacher] Oh! Uh...

I don't talk to my precious
childhood treasures

like they're alive.

[laughs nervously]

Oh, no.

I've never shared

my love of ice dancing
with anyone.

Oh, come on. Every--
Everyone looks at old photos

of their ex for hours
in the middle of a Saturday. Everyone.

Oh, now, everyone knows
I sleep with a night-light.

- Uh, I guess.
- Hmm...

He's taken private moments

and turned them
into entertainment!

Is this some sort of sick joke?

[angry chattering]

Better hide.
Only a matter of time

before this becomes
an angry mob.

Boop. Boop.

[grunts]
I'm grown up, and I'm angry!

Ugh, Squirrel Child,

now do you get why the world
cannot see my art?

Yeah. I should have
listened to you, Ghost Wolf.

I'm sorry. This is a disaster.

[Beryl] Marty, why didn't you
tell me you love ice dancing?

I made you a costume years ago.

I've been carrying it around
just in case.

You got almost as many plushies
as I do.

Maybe we should hang sometime.

Oh, totally.

Hello, I'm a local renovator.

I would consider it an honor

to lower all your furniture
by an inch.

That one inch would mean
the world to me.

[laughing]

[scoffs] That's nothing.

I've put a GPS tracker
inside the ear

of all the exes I've ever had.

Wow. Very upsetting.

However, it does make me feel
less pathetic.

- Thanks, Helen.
- Anytime.

Well, embarrassing things
really bring people together.

Maybe I overreacted.

Uh, I should give people
more credit, trust the audience.

Double boop.

It all worked out.

Eh, not yet.

There's still one thing
left to do.

Is that just some kid
off the street?

Let's hear it for the artist,
Ghost Wolf.

[cheers and applause]

All right we start the bidding
at one rare fern.

Do I hear two? Two rare ferns?

Thank you, ma'am!

Perhaps you can
return this summer

to continue your apprenticeship?

I've been getting
into sculpting as well.

What do you think?

I love and admire you very much,
Mr. Ghost Wolf.

[sighs]

[closing theme music playing]

Chirp.