Kick Buttowski: Suburban Daredevil (2010–2012): Season 2, Episode 14 - Brad's Room/Dude, Where's My Wade? - full transcript

Brad trashes Kick's room during a fight.

♪ Kick, kick, kick, kick, kick

♪ kick buttowski, buttowski

♪ kick

♪ kick

♪ kick buttowski

♪ kick, kick, kick

♪ kick buttowski

♪ kick, kick, kick, kick

♪ kick

♪ kick

♪ kick buttowski

♪ kick buttowski ♪

I'll teach you to laugh
when i fall in a sewer!

Oh, i already know how.

(both yelling)


(brad exclaiming)


This ends now!

(both screaming)

Dad: Kick!

This is unacceptable!

Your room is the biggest
disaster area i've ever seen!

Walls smashed, carpet
clawed, bed unmade...

I am sorely disappointed in you.

You've got a room all to yourself
and what do you do? You destroy it!

But it was brad!

Brad: I've been in my room, father!
Studying. As usual!

He's lying!

Kick, you've left me
with no alternative.

You're grounded.

But, dad... No "but, dads"!

And until i fix this room up,
you'll be living with brad.

What! Brad: What!

Live with brad?
Dad, but i don't wanna live with brad.

Anywhere but brad's room!

Kick, why don't you have a seat?

Look, i know it can be tough
sharing a room, but it gets easier,

And you might wind
up having a blast.

You know, i shared a room with my
older brother for almost 18 years.

It was just wonderful!

Stay on your side!


Dad: And then i went to
college and had a roommate.

Stay on your side!

And then i married your mother.

Stay on your side!

Come to think of it,
i've never had a room...

All to myself...

Anyway, i'm sure you can handle
it, right?

Sure, dad.
For you, i can handle it.

You okay, dad?

Don't look, son. Don't look.

No, dad! I don't want
the little fart in here!

You think i wanna be in here?

Now, stop it, you two!

You're brothers,
and you're gonna get along!

So i don't wanna hear anything more
about it or i'll double your grounding.

And leave me alone while
i'm doing this remodeling.

That means you, kick.
Gotta go now!

Here, let me help you with
that, brother!

Oh... Well, thanks, brad.


My stuff!

No fish in my room, dillweed!

Unless they're the decaying
fish sticks in my closet.

Which are off-limits,
by the way.

Speaking of off-limits...

Let's go over some guidelines.

Now, we both know you
can't run to dad this time.

So, if you're gonna
live in the brad's room,

you're gonna live
by the brad's rules.

Yeah, the brad!

Don't touch my bed,
don't touch my clothes,

Don't touch my floor,
and don't even look at my ceiling!

I said don't look at it!

This room is my carefully
designed sanctuary.

This beanbag chair?
Sculpted to the brad's posterior.

These sheets? Custom-fitted
to the brad's sleeping habits.

Even my underwear
pile is perfect.

See? It all follows this model.

So if even the slightest fallen armpit
hair is out of place, i'll know.

Wow. It's so accurate.
It even smells terrible.


But most important,
whatever you do...

Do not touch my gum collection!

I've got chewed gum from every member of
the mellowbrook high cheerleading squad

Except for lisa bancroft.
She doesn't chew gum.



So, chewing gum is the only
way to cure my tongue pox?

Uh... Yes? Yeah, dentist!

Yes, lisa bancroft! Chew gum.
Chew lots of gum!

(laughing maniacally)

Bradley? My precious pinky unicorns are
having a funeral for pretty pony pippa.

Would you please turn down your music?
Just a little bit?

Why, of course, brianna!
Thank you!

Yeah, volume!

Look, brad,
maybe we can find some common ground

And work through this just
until my room's ready...

Be quiet!
I'm reading the articles over here!

Ooh, yeah...

Come on, brad! I'm just trying
to make the best of this.

You'll make what i
want you to make!

Stay outta my hair! In fact...

There! Now, stay on your side!

Fine by me.

Fine by you? Ha-ha!
You dillweed!

I've got the half
with the door on it!

And i've got a window.
Way cooler exit.

Eh. Well, i've got the mold!

Well, i've got this.

Hey! That's sculpted
to my posterior!

Not anymore.

Oh, yeah? Yeah?
Well, i got this broken yo-yo.

Ooh, so sweet...

You go ahead and enjoy
that, brad.

Because i've got this!

No! This is a raw deal!

It's my room and my gum
plaque and this isn't fair!


(screaming) dad!

Dad! Kick...

Room... I...


Glad you brought that
up, bradley.

I want you to know how happy i am
you're being so mature about all this.

And as we all know, mature people
sometimes get their very own cars.


Oh, father! I'm ever so mature!
I'll prove it to you!

And i know just what i'm
gonna do when i get it.

Hey, lisa.
Would you like some gum?

Four out of five
brads recommend it.

Brad: Yeah, brad!

(cat yowls)

Ooh. I love imagining things.

This is crazy!
Brad destroys my room and he gets a car?

Dad, let me help you.
We'll fix up my room in no time.

(gasps) (gasps)

No. Father is right.

Let's go back to my room and
be the bestest roomies ever.


Hello, father!

Glad to see that you two
are getting along so well.

We're embracing in
a brotherly fashion!

Love you, brother.

Aw. I'm glad to see you two
are getting along so well.

Really, really glad.


Don't be misbehavin'.
This is brad's room, fool!

Any questions?
Refer to the model.

Grounded or not,
i'm goin' to dad.

(gasps) dad, what's that?

(chuckles) hey, buddy.
It's your new bed!

Well, why's it say "billiard
table" on the side?

That is just the box they
put it in at the store.

(chuckling nervously)

And now i have to
close this door.

Shifty eyes, shifty eyes.

Hmm. Something's up, because dad actually
said, "shifty eyes, shifty eyes."

Open this door, dad!
I gotta tell you about brad.

Oh, no you're not.

Yeah, car.

(kick groans)


I want that car, dillweed. So you're gonna
stay here until that room's finished!

You're not getting a car, brad.

And if you don't let me up right
now, you're gonna be sorry...

Ooh, what're you gonna do?
Stunt me to death?


That car's as good as mine,
and you're as good as horsemeat

If you even try
to ruin it for me!

Sleep tight!


Ugh! This has to end!

Dad, i wanna help you fix up...

My room?

(stammering) oh, um... Hi, kick!
How do you like the new room?

Great man cave, harry!

You finally have own room.

I bring sandwiches and
ox nectar to celebrate!

Well, kick, i figured that since you
and brad are such great roommates,

Why not turn your old room
into a family game room!

Family? Thought this was man cave?
Just for men?

Oh, right. Is secret from son.

(door slamming)

You should install grill.

Today i get my room back.

So, i don't normally chew
gum, but my dentist made me.

And he's kind of scary-looking.

Got it!

At last!
My collection is complete!

Or should i say, gum-plete!
I... What?

Hi, roomie! I cleaned this whole
place, top to bottom.

My underwear pile.
Clean and neatly folded!

My beanbag chair.
Washed and disinfected!

My carpet, pristine!
My ceiling, looked at!

And my diorama...
You even updated it!

I can't believe you did this!



Where's my gum collection?

Oh, your plaque full of nasty chewed gum?
Here it is.

Kick: Come and get it.


Dad: Bradley!

(sighs) my room, all to myself.

Brianna: If you're gonna stay in my
room, you're gonna live by my rules.

No underwear on the floor,
no stinky beanbag chairs, no gum.

There, now,
don't you look beautiful?

Boy, this room complete dump.

Smell funny, too.
But not matter.

This room all for you, harry!

Thanks, magnus.

Kick: 2:30 on the nose.
Time to watch wade do some footbaggin'.

No one's better at
footbaggin' than...


Wade? Hello? Wade?
Wade? Are you here?

It's not like wade to leave
donuts on the ceiling.

You're right.

On the floors and walls,
sure, but never the ceiling.



He said he'd be here.

Something's not right.

(siren approaching)

Gunther: It's inspector finecomb!
The city safety inspector!

Excuse me, boys. Time for the
food 'n' fix safety inspection.


Yep, me and ol' paddy the citation pad
have been shuttin' down stores all day.

Mellowbrook hospital
had needles everywhere.

Shut it down!

Mellowbrook hardware had
nails on the shelves!

Shut it down!

And mr. Munchie's ice cream?
Unauthorized mixtures.

Some wise guy put
cookies in the cream!

Shut it down!

(chuckles) and here we
have the food 'n' fix.

Maybe i'll find some
streaks of sloshy.

Or donuts on the ceiling!
I don't know! (chuckles)

And then i'll shut it down!
And fire whoever works here!

But sir, the food 'n' fix is already
the safest place in mellowbrook.

(chuckles) no donuts
on the ceiling here.

The place you should go is, uh...

Yeah. I hear their
puppets bite people.

That's absurd.
I mean they kick people.

I mean they have a loose floorboard.

What! Not on my watch!

I'll be back in 30 minutes.

And if even one thing is out
of place when i get back,

The food 'n' fix gets
shut down forever!

Safety first, children.

We've got 30 minutes
to find wade.

We'll start with these sloshy footprints.
They lead over there.

Wade's cap.
And there's something weird on it.

Chili rito sauce.

(gasps) wade's been
turned into a chili rito!

Or he went to the
chili rito stand.

Excuse me,
have you seen our friend?

His name's wade.
Tall, lanky, smells like incense.

Works at food 'n' fix.
He's older.

Boy: I saw your friend.

He came by half an hour ago.

Here, i drew him. Kick: Oh, no!

Wade was crying!

No. I draw everyone with tears.

Who are these thugs?

(both chuckling)

(both chittering)

(gasps) forget about the
safety inspector, gunther!

Wade's been kidnapped!
By aliens!

We gotta find them.
Which way did they go?

Hurry, gunther!

Why don't we just call wade?

Good idea, gunther.

Gunther: Wade!

Or we can call him on the phone.

Hello? Who is this?
Where's wade?

What? A million dollar ransom?

Yes, a million bucks and a
cool, refreshing glass of milk.

Why do you have wade's phone?

I heard it ringing
in those bushes.

Then why did you
ask for a ransom?

'Cause we can use the
money to find wade. Duh!

As for the milk, it provides essential
vitamins and calcium for my growing body.

(gasp) wade was typing a text
when he dropped his phone!

(reading) danger
dude, help me...

Danger dude!

Danger dude!

(oskar growling)

Kick: Wade's limited edition
hand-stitched corinthian leather footbag!

He never lets that
thing out of his sight!

Oskar, we need that
footbag to find wade.


So, give it to us...



Gunther, we've gotta find that
dog or we'll never find wade.

I've seen wade!


Jackie! You've seen wade?
Did i ever!

He just pulled off the most
awesome stunt in history!

Most awesome non-kick
stunt, i mean.

I was standing here recording in the hopes
you would walk by, as i do every day.

Then this happened...

Oh, wacky jackie! You look so pretty
and i want to marry you and...

Uh, jackie? Why don't we
just fast-forward a little?

Wacky jackie: (laughs
nervously) oops.

Wacky jackie: Huh? What's that?


Don zaza has his own billboard!

And i pay extra for
the non-breakable kind.


Wow, that was awesome.

But not as awesome as kissing
you, dear, sweet jackie.

Kick: Okay, we're good.

Wade's gotta be close!

Wade! Wade, if you can hear
me, call my name.

Can you hear us? It's gunther.

Maybe if i recreate wade's shopping
cart jump, i'll end up wherever he did.

Gunther: I dunno, kick.
This could be totally lethal.

We have to do this, gunther.
For wade.

It's the only way to
find out what happened.

(gulps) you're right.

For wade!

Insult to injury!


My spleen...


Wade! I found you.

Wade! You're alive!

Sure i am. This ain't the first
pinecone that's been lodged in my mouth.

It's the second.

So glad we found you, wade.

You were looking for me?

Of course we were!

Big guy: There he is.


Wade! Look out behind you!

Big guy! Amigo grande.

You mean these guys
didn't kidnap you?

Kidnapped? I wasn't kidnapped.

Well, then how did
you end up in a tree?

Allow me to tell you...

(making time travel noises)

I had some time to kill,
so i got my footbag game on for a while.

We decided to get our grub
on at the chili rito stand...

After an unfortunate event with some
chili rito sauce, we footed some bag.

Until tragedy struck.

I needed extra speed to catch
oskar and get my footbag back.

Wade will get hurt.

Shopping carts weren't
built for hills like this.

Why do you guys always doubt me?

Would it kill you for once to
say "great idea, amigo grande"?

I don't call you that. Only wade does.
Your name is richard!

Don zaza has his own billboard.

And i pay extra for
the non-breakable kind.


The big dude was right.

The shopping cart
was not a good idea.

Hey! Oh...

(making time travel noises)

Sorry we didn't get
your footbag back, wade.

Yeah, that dog is
impossible to catch.

No problem, amigos,
thanks for trying.

So that's why you were
texting me for help?

Yeah, that was way earlier.
I couldn't remember where i lived.

But thanks for looking for me, anyway.
Means a lot.

(sirens blaring)

(gasps) kick, the inspector!

We forgot about him!

What inspector?

He's headed for
the food 'n' fix!

There's no way we'll
get there first!

He'll be here in three seconds!

That's more than enough time.


Wade, we meet again.

I'll take your word for it.

Well, you know what time it is.

Time to whip out ol' paddy...

Prepare the pen i use
for closin' stores...

And not use it at all!

Congratulations, guys! This is the
safest store i've seen all year!


Now, i could use a nice,
cold beverage from the freezer...

(oskar barking)

Gunther: Hey, it's oskar.

Kick: And there's
wade's footbag!

Phew! Phew!

What? Is that a limited edition
hand-stitched corinthian leather footbag?

You're into footbagging, too, dude?

1987 footbagger of the year!
Holla at me now!

I thought you looked familiar!

What do you say we
go foot a little bag?

I'll go start the car. You pass!

Well, wade,
we're glad you're okay.

And that we helped
save your job.

Thanks, dudes, but you didn't save my job.
You saved the new guy's job.

New guy? New guy?

We hired someone
to work part-time.

I've been off the
clock for hours.

You saved his job.

(yawns) thanks for saving my
job, dillweed!

This job rules, too.
Paid nap time.


But the best part?
Free ice-cold beverages!

Now, outta my way, dillweed.

(brad screaming)

The ice-cold beverages!
They burn!

Well, this turned out all right.
Food 'n' fix is saved.

And wade even has a
new footbagging friend.

I did not see that coming.

Finecomb: Shut it down!

You just had to bite the
inspector, didn't you?