Kick Buttowski: Suburban Daredevil (2010–2012): Season 2, Episode 13 - Gym Dandy/Detained - full transcript

Kick tries out for school sports teams.

♪ Kick, kick, kick, kick, kick

♪ kick buttowski, buttowski

♪ kick

♪ kick

♪ kick buttowski

♪ kick, kick, kick

♪ kick buttowski

♪ kick, kick, kick, kick

♪ kick

♪ kick

♪ kick buttowski

♪ kick buttowski! ♪

Yay, halloween!

The one day i can
dress up like kick

Without my mom taking
me to the couch doctor.


Boy 1: Trick or treat!
Boy 2: Trick or treat!

Oh, how cute, gunther.

You're a darling
little ballerina!

Actually, mrs. Buttowski,
i'm famed viking warrior thor thorsen.

He was so fierce in battle,

He wore purple tights to avoid
intimidating his own men.

Trick or treat?

Make way for billy stumps!

(imitating billy stumps) now,
who's gonna pay for my truck?

Check it out, kick.

Found this elephant
poncho online.

Only thing big enough
to hold our candy haul.

We hitting every
house in town again?

Same as last year.

Trick or treat!

Trick or... Treat!

Trick or treat!

Trick or treat! Trick or treat!
Trick or treat!

Oh, yeah! And this year,
we'll trick-or-treat even faster.

Nothing will stand in our way.

(both imitating horn honking)

Both: Trick or treat!

Happy halloween, boys.

What are you doing here?

I'm your next door
neighbor, brain-owski.

Seeing as you're here, wanna check
out my rockin' halloween party?

Would love to.
But unfortunately,

Gunther and i have more important
business than your "rocking"...

Halloween party!

(gunther whooping)

you've got five minutes.

This is the worst
halloween party ever!

(distorted) shh!
Quiet, buttowski!

Who's he supposed to be?

The speed of light. Duh!

Give it a chance, kick. Maybe
kendall's going to show a scary movie.

Oh, look! Bobbing for apples!

Hi, kick.

Kendall: Attention everyone!

You there, the ballerina in the corner!
Please take your seats!

It's thor thorsen.

Your assigned seats.

Kick! You're beside me!

Kendall: Lights!

Oh, goodie! About to start!'s



(all groaning)

A report?

The origins of the holiday we call
"halloween" are mysterious indeed.

Why we're staying here
is the real mystery.

Let's go.

Hey! My halloween presentation isn't
over, clarence! Lights!

It is for me. I already know
what halloween is all about.

Trick-or-treating. And i'm gonna
hit every house in mellowbrook.

Ha! Ha what?

I know for a fact there's one
house you've never gone to.

Which one?

That one.

(wolf howling)

The van der deth mansion?
It's haunted!

No one ever
trick-or-treats there!


It's a scientific fact that no one
who goes in that place ever comes out.

Ever. Ever!

(scoffs) fairy tales.

Then why haven't you
trick-or-treated there?

All: Ooh!

Well, technically i'm not
even sure it's in mellowbrook.

And we're on a tight schedule.

Plus does anyone
really believe...

It's okay, kick.
You can admit you're scared.

All: Ooh!

Tonight, i, kick buttowski,

In the guise of billy stumps,

Will be the first person
to ever trick-or-treat

The van der deth mansion!

(wolf howling)

Kendall: Lights!

Gunther, time to make history.

One thing i've
noticed about history,

A lot of people get hurt.

Don't worry, gunther.
If you see any ghosts,

Your ballerina costume will
scare them away. (snickers)

I'm thor thorsen!

Can we leave, too?


(laughing hysterically)

As i was saying, the origins of
the holiday we call halloween

Are mysterious indeed.
The ancient celts...

(wolf howling)

I don't know about this, kick.

Gunther, there's a light on.

That's the universal sign for
trick-or-treaters welcome.

(gate creaking)

Yeah. That sounds inviting.

Look at this place! There's no
point in trick-or-treating here.

I doubt they even
have any candy.

It's not about the candy.

It is for me!

Gunther, we have to do this!

To silence kendall, sure,
but more importantly, to be legends.

Forever known as the first to
trick-or-treat the van der deth mansion.


Relax, gunther. I'm sure those
are just halloween decorations.

Like these fake cobwebs and
plastic spider i just walked into?

(chuckles) yeah, totally fake.

(laughing) totally fake.

(bats screeching)


(screams) nobody's home.
Let's go.

Look! Ghosts!

Relax, gunther.
It's just covered furniture.

Furniture ghosts?

Is there someone
right behind me?

Calm down.
It's just an old suit of armor.

See? Nothing to be afraid of.

(stuttering) did you see that?

It tried to kill me!

It's probably just the wind.



This house isn't haunted.

Now take a deep
breath, and follow me.

(breathes deeply)

You're right, kick,
i feel much better. Oh!

Kick! Gunther?

Gunther! Where are you?

Gunther! (echoing)




Hey! What'd you do with gunther?

I said,
what did you do with gunther?

(evil laughter)


(yells) (meowing)

(sighs) just a cat.

I knew this house
wasn't haunted.

(footsteps thumping)


Is that you?


(evil laughter)


Both: (distorted) there is no escape
from the ghosts of van der deth mansion!


They were right!
This house is haunted!

Old woman: Why
did you come here?

To... To trick or treat.

Thank goodness.


I'm mary van der deth.

And i've been waiting so long
to hand out candy to you kids.

You... Huh?

Oh, i love halloween.

We even turned our mansion
into a haunted house.

(machines powering down)

My late husband made our fortune

Selling the scariest
decorations in town.

Cool! But your floor.
It ate my friend!

You mean thor thorsen?

Gunther: I'm a balleri...

Hey! She got it right!


Gunther! You're alive!

Better than alive.
She has lemon squares.

(gasps) gunther!
The spider! It's real!

Stand back!

His name is terrance.

I do apologize about
the broken floorboard.

Been meaning to get that fixed.

And another thing.

I buy candy year after year,

Hoping the kids will
finally visit me.

Both: Candy?

Since you two were brave
enough to trick-or-treat here,

It's all yours.

Too bad no one's here to
see this beautiful sight.

Yeah. Wait a sec.

Beautiful, huh, buddy?

Mrs. Van der deth. How'd you like
to finally get some visitors?

That would be a
trick of a treat!

Now the word halloween dates back
to the 16th century scotland.

No candy? Ha!

I knew you were too scared to
trick-or-treat at the mansion, clarence.

(wolf howling)

You actually went there?

Oh, we went there.
And so will you.

(all gasping) what did he say?

Follow me if you wanna go to an
awesome halloween party for a change.

Oh, right. Like anyone wants
to go to a creepy old...



(all exclaiming)

Now that's a party.


Same time next year?


No, terrance. You didn't finish
all your flies at dinner.

Oh, like i can say no to you.

(wolf howling)

Salem, massachusetts was the
site of the famous witch trials.

While not technically
associated with halloween,

These trials are well worth
describing in great detail.

(owl hooting)

Brad: It was a night
just like tonight.

In these very woods,

Two dillweeds sat
around their campfire,

Unaware that the spirits of the forest
were closing in all around them.

(laughing viciously)

(screams) i do believe in spooks!
I do! I do!

There's no such thing as
ghosts, brad.

Oh, no?
Then how do you explain this?



We didn't make mom and dad
force you to drive us out here

To tell us lame ghost stories.

We came here to pay
respects to a true pioneer.

Dead man dave.

He disappeared on this very
spot, 20 years ago today.

Lame. Lame?

Dead man dave was the most
pure skater who ever lived!

He didn't skate for the money,

He didn't skate for the chicks.

He skated for the
purity of the sport.

No fame? No chicks?
More like dead man lame.

(gasps) it's the...


He's gone all koo-koo.

Ghost of dead man dave!

Have fun walking home, suckers!

I guess we'll have to follow
the road and walk back home.

Nuh-uh. I know a shortcut.
That way.

Deep through the
dark, scary forest?

Yep. We'll beat them
home in half the time.

What about the ghost
of dead man dave?

there's no such thing as ghosts.

Well then how did brad
do that to his finger?

Are we lost yet?


Are we lost yet?


Are we lost yet?

Yes. Yes, we are lost.

(sighs) good.
Lemme call my mom to pick us up.

Hmm. No service.

No service.

No service.


Hey, kick, i finally got...

Paul... Paul bunyan!
It's paul bunyan!

It's just a statue, gunther.

Hmm. Lot one and lot two.

A parking shuttle!

We must be in the middle

Of some long
forgotten parking lot!

Parking lot for what?

It's an abandoned
amusement park.

All to ourselves.

Both: An abandoned
amusement park!

An abandoned amusement park!

An abandoned amusement park!

(softly) an abandoned
amusement park.

Yes! Yes! Yes!


(both whooping)


Maybe we should forget
about the rides.

This park is amazing, gunther!

I wonder why they closed it?

I bet it used to be
all space-age and cool,

But then they had a jules verne-style
update in the '90s and ruined it.

You know what, gunther?

I bet you're right!

(evil laughter)

Announcer on tv: We'll be right
back, after these messages!

Announcer 1: It's getting late.


Stupid commercial.

My heart, it feels so heavy.

Announcer: And now back
to tankini lumberjacks!


The wild west show
starts in 15 minutes!

You wanna come, kick?
Sounds exciting!

Not this time, gunther.
I wanna hit some games.

Suit yourself!
I'll save you a seat just in case!

(evil laughter)

Man 1 on tv: I can't go on.

Man 2 on tv: No, brother.
I shall not leave you behind!

(blows nose)

I know how hard it is for you.

But again, i beg of you,
please go on without me.

No, brother.
I shall never leave your side.

(sobs) so tender!

Front row!



Hey, who threw that?

Who is that?

You can come out.
I know someone's here!


I saw you! Okay, brad!
I know it's you!

Horace? Pantsy?

Not funny, brad!


Yeah! (exclaims)

Must have been the pre-show.

(brad sobbing)

(humming) oh, hey, bradley.

You wouldn't happen to know
where your brother is, would you?

Get off my back, dad!
I'll find him!

Okay? I'll find him!

Don't you ever question the
unbreakable bond between two brothers!


What was that all about?

I'm not too sure, but i think our
baby boy has taken his first steps

To becoming a man.

Hmm. Well, how about you
help me finish the dishes?

I swear, brad. If that's you...

Oh, it's on.

Your move, bad boy.

Brad! Let's get out of the forest
and drive on some real roads!

I've gotta find my little brother!
I'm coming for you, kick!

This guy's good.

Four score and
seven years ago...

End of the line.
You've got nowhere else to go.

My board!

Oh, my gosh!
You found my hidden board?

Your board? (gasps)

If this is your board
then you must be

(gulps) dead man dave?

Half true.

You're alive?

You're alive man dave! What up.

I can't believe this!
This is crazy!

But why? Why?

Why did you disappear, dave?

Oh, man.
It was a night just like tonight.

(thunder crackling)

I dunno.
I just got sick of it, dude.

I mean, yeah, i had the money.

Yeah, i had the chicks.

But i didn't want any of that.

I did it for the
purity of the sport!

Oh, this rules!

I can't wait to tell
everybody you're alive!

Nuh-uh, dude!
I came here to escape that crazy world!

No one can know i'm
here, understand?

Please. Promise me that
you'll keep me a secret.

Don't worry.
Your secret's safe with me.

No one will ever know
about this place.

Or you.

(horn honking)

Kick! Oh!

Oh! You're okay! You're okay!

Wait a minute.
What is this place?

Uh, well, you found me, brad!
We best be on our way!

Not a chance!
This is my new hangout!

We're gonna be
here all the time!

Maybe do it up all
jules verne-style.

Brad, no! You can't!

Oh, yeah? Who's gonna make me?

(gasps) a...

What's your problem?

(stuttering) a ghost!

Ha! There's no such thing as...

(evil laughter)

All: It's the ghost
of dead man dave!

(all screaming)

And they went wee-wee-wee
all the way home.

I guess they won't
be coming back here.

I guess i won't be coming
back here for a while, either.

Aren't you gonna be
bored with no one around?

Nah, dude. Don't worry about me.

I'll keep myself busy.

I've actually been
doing a western show

Every 15 minutes for
the past 20 years.

But no one ever goes to that.

Well, it's been great
hanging out with you, dave.

I guess i'll see you around.

Or not.

You know, dude. I was thinkin'.

This coaster's
lookin' pretty shabby.

It needs a killer test run.
You mean...

You know what my motto is, dude.

"Do it all..." "and then some!"

(both whooping)


(country music playing)