Kick Buttowski: Suburban Daredevil (2010–2012): Season 2, Episode 15 - Kick or Treat/Dead Man's Rollercoaster - full transcript

Kick and Gunther discover a seemingly haunted abandoned amusement park.

♪ Kick, kick, kick, kick, kick

♪ kick buttowski, buttowski

♪ kick

♪ kick

♪ kick buttowski

♪ kick, kick, kick

♪ kick buttowski

♪ kick, kick, kick, kick

♪ kick

♪ kick

♪ kick buttowski

♪ kick buttowski! ♪

(harp strumming) hi, kick.

Why are you in a diaper?

I'm your guardian angel.

Now, don't blow it!

I got this.

♪ If you want to join...

No singing, gunther.

You're gonna get that
song stuck in my head.

♪ There's really
only one thing...

♪ you always have to be ♪

Please don't sing that song.

All ready for my audition?

What are you talking about?
My poise posse audition!

It's today. It's important!

Kick! You promised you'd
take care of everything!

When? A year ago!

(piano music playing)

(chuckling evilly)

Penelope patterson.

Announcer: Next up,
brianna buttowski!

Okay, ready?


Let's do this.

(piano music playing)

(bicycle bell ringing)

(screams) cheese! I'm allergic!


Kick's log.
Regarding my new propulsion system,

Speed, good. Steering,

Not so good.

(screaming) kick!

Oh, hey, brianna. Your bike!

Hey, calm down. She looks just fine.
No need to lose your...

(brianna panting hoarsely)

Note to self.
Don't upset brianna.

(clearing throat)

Brianna buttowski.

To be a member of
the poise posse,

You must keep your
cool at all times.


Even if the world is
collapsing around you,

Maintain poise and
control always.

So, i'm sorry, bb,
but you didn't make pp.


Brianna mad!

That means this year's new
member is penelope patterson!

Girls: (chanting) penelope!
Penelope! Penelope!


Allergic to cats, too!

Kick, being in the poise posse
was really important to me!

And you ruined it!

Sorry. I'll make it up to you.

I'll let you ride on my
handlebars on the way home.

Kick! They only hold
auditions once a year!

Okay, okay!
I'll take care of everything.

I promise! Sheesh.

Kick's log. Take care of getting
a new and allergy-free escort

For brianna's poise posse
audition one year from now.

I really need to listen
to my log entries.

You forgot my audition?
You didn't get an escort?

To dance with me and...

(brianna growling)

Don't worry.
I'll make this right.

Remember, i'm kick buttowski!

Man: ♪ kick buttowski ♪

No. You're clarence.

My big brother.
And you let me down!


Steve, i broke my word.

To my only sister.

Not even brad would do that.

Hey, dillweed! Here's the
dead-arm i promised you yesterday.

'Cause i keep my word.
Yeah, promises!

Steve, i gotta get bri an escort.

And i know just the guy.

Ever hear of the poise posse?

You mean as in...

♪ if you want to
join the poise... ♪

No singing. I don't want that
song getting stuck in my head.

Great! You'll make the
perfect escort for brianna!

You forgot about your promise last
year, didn't you?

I knew you would.
That's why i promised to help you.

You did? When?

I, kick buttowski,
promise you, brianna,

That i'll take care of
everything for your audition

One year from now.

I, gunther, promise kick

That i will be ready to help
him with his promise to brianna.

Even when he forgets that he
promised it to her a year ago,

At the fateful day of promising.

I really need to listen
to all of my log entries.

I'm ready to help.

I've been steam pressing my
tuxedo every day ever since.

Twice on sundays!

So throw on your
tux and let's go.



(gunther screaming)

Giant moth, giant
moth, giant moth!

El moth gigante!
El moth gigante!

El moth gigante!
El moth gigante!



Kick, i can't wear this.
It's got a moth hole!

No one's gonna notice that.

Oh, i think they'll notice.

Doesn't your dad have a tux?

(gunther whistling)

Kind of in a hurry
here, gunther.

All set.

First i have to see if
i can dance in this.

It's a little big.

That'll do.

(sighs) i won't be
needing this dress.

Well, well, well!
Hello, brianna!

I thought we might walk
to your audition together.

As a member, i like to support
eager, young candidates.

No, thanks.
I'd rather breathe bike tire air.

♪ Calm and collected

♪ never lose your cool

♪ keep your... ♪
please, gunther, that song!


Ow! Right in my cummerbund!

Shh! Listen!

So, who's your escort?


Oh, don't tell me you
still don't have one.

Well, my big brother promised me

He was gonna find me the most
awesome, graceful, refined,

Elegant and in control
escort you'll ever meet.

You mean mr. Cheese
spray from last year?

He probably waited until the
very last minute like usual

And grabbed the first person
that popped into his mind.

♪ Calm and collected
never lose your cool ♪

My brother wouldn't do that.

He knows how much
this means to me.

Yeah, right. Ha!
You're going to fail.


No, no. Don't lose your cool.
Not yet, anyway.




I got you your awesome escort.

You did? Who?

Only the most awesome,
graceful, refined,

Elegant and in control
escort you've ever seen.

(leaves rustling)

Wow, kick, thanks for
that awesome introduction.

No, gunther, not you.

Kick, i thought you got me an escort.
Who is it?

I did. Clarence buttowski.

Your big brother.

You? You deserve the very best.

Are you sure we can do this?

Of course we can.
We're buttowskis.

They're all out there.

Madison, abby,
the judges, penelope.

All of them!

Cool. Let's do it.

What are you doing? What?

You can't go out there
dressed like that.

You need a tuxedo!

Really? Yes, really!

Okay, okay. No worries.
I got this.


Uh, okay... What if we fail?

Fail? Buttowskis don't do fail.

Now, let's go.
It's time to be awesome.

Her brother's her escort?
She'll fail for sure.

Bye-bye, brianna.

Kick, make an entrance!

An entrance?

(piano music playing)

Sing the song!

The song?
You don't know the words, do you?

The words? I... I...

I do know the words.

Thanks, gunther.

♪ You're welcome ♪

♪ if you...

You can do it.


(singing poorly)

♪ if you want to
join the poise posse

♪ listen to me

♪ there is really only one
thing you always have to be

You actually like this?

(growls) i'll take
care of this nonsense.

(all gasp)

Oh, no!

It's okay.
This is music i can dance to.

Follow my lead.

Both: ♪ if you want to
join the poise posse

♪ listen to me

♪ there is really only one
thing you always have to be

♪ calm and collected

♪ never lose your cool

♪ keep your temper
and your poise

♪ and you'll glitter
like a jewel ♪

Judge: Brianna buttowski...

I've never seen anything
like that before in my life.

Well, we tried.

It just wasn't meant to be.

And you did amazing!

You kept your poise even though the
world was collapsing around you.

Welcome to the poise posse.

(girls cheering)

Her escort wasn't even
wearing a real tuxedo!

When i knocked over the set,

She was supposed
to lose her temper

And her cool!

She was supposed to fail!

Penelope patterson!

Your behavior goes against
everything we stand for!

You are hereby dismissed
from the poise posse!

But i love pp.


Thanks, big brother.
I couldn't have done it without you.

No problem, sis.

When clarence makes a promise,
kick buttowski delivers.

Hey, where's gunther?
I thought he'd be here.

I don't know!

(screaming) el moth gigante!
El moth gigante!

Ay caramba!

(school bell ringing)
teacher: All right, class.

You'll have an extended lunch
to do a report on your animal,

Then present your
research to the class.

Now i want everyone to do some
actual research this time.

And by "everyone"

I mean kick buttowski.

Kick, you'd better hurry!

All the good animals
are already taken.

Animals? What animals?

(animals calling)

Ooh, sweet!

I want something big.
Something fierce.

Something awesome. Something...



Out of all the animals,
i get the least deadly one!

What is this thing, anyway?

I'm pretty sure it's a cat.

Well, i'm off to research
my cocker spaniel.

Good luck on your report.

Yeah, i'm pretty sure
this is not a cat.

It's called a nuzzlet.

What's a nuzzlet?

That's your assignment.

I guess you have to hit
the library and find out.

Not the library!

Librarian: This will teach
you to return a book late!


I can't go to the library.

We both know that didn't happen.

But it could have.

That librarian is pure evil.

I've never had a problem
with the librarian.

(indistinct baby talk)

(screaming) my goggles!
Get it off me!

Evil librarian or not,

You better blow the roof off
the school with this report.

Let's get this over with.

(thunder rumbling)


Well, technically,
i don't know if you're an animal or not.

But better stay in there anyway.

Well, no sign of the librarian.

Excellent. I'll get in,
do my report, and get out.

That old bat will
be none the wiser.

And she's right behind
me, isn't she?


Well, well, well,
look who's come back.

To the library!

i'm just here to do a report.

It's not gonna be
like last time.

Last time?

Oh, last time was a blast!

I had ever so much fun!

I was so inspired
by your last visit

That i wrote a children's book

For children.

that's actually really nice!

Yes! And the next time

You and i have an
adventure like this

Or this, or this,

Here's how it will end.

So, i don't want to hear so
much as a peep out of you.

(nuzzlet squeaks) (chuckles)

Not a peep.

Not even a... (floor creaks)

I said not a peep!

Starting now?

Okay, let's see, now.

Juzzlet, kuzzlet,
luzzlet, muzzlet...

Ah, here we are.


Okay, nuzzlet,
time to do a little research on you.



I've got my eye on you.

And another thing!

No, wait! I need that book!

Really, really badly. This book?

Yes! Immediately.

Really, really badly.

(librarian reading)

(laughs) working on my pecs.



Do not do that again!

(nuzzlet squeaking)

Keep it down in there!



Now be quiet while i find
out what the heck you are.

(squeaking excitedly)

What? You want this?

Well, you ran away,
so you don't get any candy.

(squeaking loudly)

Okay, fine!

Just one piece.

There? Happy now?


I better put him back in the...

He's gone. Nuzzlet?



Okay, nuzzlet, no more candy.



No, no candy for you.

Because if that woman wakes
up, it's curtains for me.

So, i need you to be quiet.
You understand me?

Quiet. (exclaims)


You did that on purpose!


Now, you look here...

(distant scream)

All right, you better...

I'm warning you. I don't have time for...
(biting sound)

Hey, a flying bottle!

(kick screams)

Hey, a screaming bottle!

No candy for you! Gotcha!

(cat yowls)


(blowing raspberry)


(humming lullaby)

(nuzzlet roaring)




Kick: "sleepy time bear
was ever so sleepy.

"He closed his sleepy time eyes and
drifted off to a sleepy time sleep."

You get down here this instant!

(kick screaming)


(biting sound)


(rumbling) huh?


(low rumbling)



(sighs) the sweet
aroma of dusty books.

(creaks) (gasps)


And so ends my
presentation on this dog.

Okay, gunther, and...

That's an f.

Next up, kick buttowski.

Kick buttowski?

This thing is a nightmare.

It's fierce! Dangerous! Deadly!

It slammed me to the
ground like a rag doll.

It threw books at me!

It pushed the librarian
off a balcony!

It lifted entire bookshelves.

And for its grand finale,
it destroyed the library.

There's a reason there's no
information on this thing.

Because no one has ever
survived researching it!

Mr. Buttowski, this is clearly the cutest,
most innocent creature in the world.

And you clearly did
not do your work.

You get an f.

(stomach growling)

And as for you, little guy,
you get a piece of candy!

I'll just be inside this desk.

Teacher: Okay. You get an a.

And extra credit to anyone
who can find my spleen.