Kick Buttowski: Suburban Daredevil (2010–2012): Season 1, Episode 16 - Rank of Awesome/A Very Buttowski Mother's Day - full transcript

♪♪ [theme]

♪ kick, kick ♪

♪ kick, kick, kick ♪

♪ kick buttowski ♪

♪ kick ♪

♪ kick ♪

♪ kick buttowski ♪

♪ kick, kick ♪

♪ kick, kick ♪
♪ kick buttowski ♪

♪ kick, kick ♪

♪ kick, kick ♪

♪ kick ♪

♪ kick ♪

♪ kick buttowski ♪

♪ kick buttowski ♪


Amazing catapult, kick.

Where did you get the piñata?

You got to make a video.

This would be huge
on rank of awesome.

Rank of awesome? What's that?

[announcer] rank of awesome.

[cat screeches]


So you put your videos online
for the whole world to see?

Yep, i'm huge in scandinavia.

[girls scream]

Oh, gunther!


[girls] oh, i love the gunther.

Gunther, who were they?

My fans.

They're crazy
about my new video.

Mmm, so people vote
on the awesomeness.

Hence the name rank of awesome.

Sounds like a website
built exactly for me.

Yeah, all you need is a
camera and a computer.

Oh, well,
that's gonna be a problem.

You catapulted your computer?

What else would i use it for?

at least you got the camera?

[kick] i've been at it all day.

Well, you can borrow mine
again, but be careful this time.

I'm running low on duct tape.

That is a video worthy
of rank of awesome.

No doubt about it.

This one is gonna
be ranked number...

[male voice] 5,068.

Not awesome.


But your stunt was the
definition of awesome.

I looked it up.

Then it's time for
awesomeness to get redefined.

Make it tighter.

Where did you get
this thing anyway?

Magnus, have you seen corset?

The internet has spoken.

I've got to step
it up this time.

I don't know about this, kick.

It seems a little too extreme.

Extreme is my middle name.

I thought your middle
name was francis.


Wasn't expecting the bear.

no one expects the bear.

And now to sit back
and enjoy number...

[male voice] 8342.

Not awesome.


The internet demands
a greater sacrifice.

The internet isn't a
person, kick.

It's a complex web of images,

and rabid pre-teen girls

Who crave a chunk of this.

I looked it up.

[girls scream] uh-oh.


[girls] gunther!


Seek not the fame of the
internet, kick buttowski.

She's a cruel mistress, indeed.

I don't care about
fame and fortune.

Only about being number
one on rank of awesome.

Where'd you get all this
stuff, kick?

Found it.

So this is your stunt?

Nope, this is just phase one.

Gunther, my blueprints.

[girls scream]

[girls scream]


Aw, come on.

[girls scream]

[girls giggle]

[car alarm sounds]

Do you have permit for whatever
you're doing, clarence?

And what are you doing?

Making a video for
rank of awesome.

Rank of awesome? What's that?

trying to teach you about awesome

Is like trying to
teach a dog to fly.

Which i've done,
but it was really hard.

[scoffs] i know all
about awesomeness.

You wouldn't know awesomeness if
it slapped you across the face

And said, "look at
me, i'm awesomeness."

Hmm, well, maybe i'm more
awesome than you think.

Uh, no, i don't think so.

Now, why don't you and
your silly cat just...

You leave hansel out of this.






Can you just smell the
awesomeness in the air, gunther?

Yes. Although i did just
eat a lingonberry burrito.

So it could be gas.

So let me get this straight.

You want to launch
from up there,

Go up and over the loops,
duck under the thing-a-ma-jig,

Flip over and cannonball

And run through the
deadly obstacles

And jump over the next bit,

Bounce back up
with a half twist,

And finish with a
little bit of this?

But a little less of that.

So what's the trampoline for?

For the grand finale.

Hook off the wing of
flight 428 to boston...

Which is on schedule
by the way...

And then drop 47,000 feet

Into the mellowbrook
roofless pillow factory.

And you think that will make you
number one on rank of awesome?

Of course it'll
make me number one.

I'd say i don't know about
this, kick.

But it only makes you steelier.

You know me well.

Number one for sure.

Gunther, keep filming.

I'm on it.

Flight 428 to boston

Right on schedule.

[pilot] do to some
prevailing tail winds,

We're exactly two seconds
ahead of schedule.



Poor kick.

You better be getting all this.

I'm getting it. I'm getting it.

[jaws snapping]

Fade to black.

Sorry, kick, that was...


Let's get that puppy online.

But you crashed.

and it was a glorious crash.

Destined for number...


Not awesome. Not awesome.

Fail alert. Fail alert.


The internet hates me.

And if i can't be number
one on a website of awesome,

How am i every going to be the
world's greatest daredevil?


Do you know what i mean?


Good talk, steve, good talk.

Listen, the internet...

Give me something to ride
on, something to jump over,

Something to crash
through and i'll do it.

Just tell me what you want!

Awesome alert.
New number one video.


Hi, video fans.

My name is kendall and
this is my cat hansel.

This is number one?

What's that, hansel?
You want to sing a song?

It must be a mistake.

♪ Cat, cat, cat, cat meow-ski ♪

♪ na-na-na-na ♪

♪ cat meow-ski ♪

♪ na-na-na ♪

♪ cat meow-ski, woo ♪

Would you excuse
me for a moment?


All set.

Okay, the internet,
you want cats?

I don't get it,
but i'm going to give you cats.

Hold up, why...
why am i wearing a fish diaper again?

Because i can't find gunther.

[gunther screams]

All right, cool.

But where do you even
get a fish diaper?

Helga, where is my fish diaper?

Let's do this.

Wait, what are we doing again?

Showing the internet the
real definition of awesome.

Now, don't forget to
put the milk in place

After i launch. Got it?

Oh, look out!


[girls clamoring]

[cats screech]

Ow. Ow.


Ouch. Ow.


[cat screech]

[cat screeches]


Right on target.


Aw, biscuits.

Good thing cats

Always land on their feet.

Too bad kick's not a cat.



[girls clamoring]


I'm glad they're done
craving a hunk of this.

[kick groans]

Oh, my gosh, kick!

[girls giggle]

Kick, speak to me.
Do you have any last words?


Upload the video.

Uh, any other last words?


And how do i spell that?

[gunther] kick, you did it!

Your video hit the number
one spot on rank of awesome!

I knew the fish diaper
was a good touch.

Wait a second.
I thought we lost the camera.

Uh, turns out we
have a little help.

[girls clamoring]

your new fan club caught it

From every conceivable angle.

But only that last part.

As long as it's number one.

My pose, please.


[cries out]



I'll take that.

Ooh, breakfast.

Mmm, bacon.

Nature's perfect food.

Never stand between a man and
his pork products, dilweed.

That's not for you, brad.

Really? Sure tastes like it.


All right, let's go.

I'll deal with you later, brad.

I've got another mother's
day breakfast to make.

Mother's day.

Hold it right
there, grease spot.

I've worked long and hard to
get number one in this house,

And i'm not letting you ruin it
with some cheap mother's day trick.

Mother's day isn't about you or
me, brad.

It's all for mom.

Besides, bree already
has number one locked up.

Uh, good point.

Also, you've ruined enough

Of my mother's day presents

With that stupid notion

Of being number two.

You are not going to
sabotage me this year.

Well, i'm older than
you, bigger than you,

And i want a car.

No way you're gonna give mom
a better breakfast than me.

I need all the points i can...

[cries out]

You went there and now it's on.


Mom's favorite breakfast
is eggs and juice

And that was the last of both.

I can see that, dilweed.

Looks like it's a
mother's day fail for you.

Oh, it's not over yet.

If mom's favorite
is juice and eggs,

I'm gonna make sure she
gets juice and eggs.

[mockingly] if mom's
favorite is juice and eggs,

And i'm gonna make sure...
[door opens]

Can't let kick beat me.


[bell rings]

[tires screech]

Known as procrastination sunday,

This annual mother's day ritual has
mellowbrooks' sons lining up to purchase

Last minute breakfast

It's calm now,
but there's a tension in the air.

This could get ugly.

Remain calm.

There's plenty left,
but you must remain calm.

We not make it time.

No, you won't make it time.

Perfect. Have fun not
getting any eggs and juice.

If you can't an apple
from the barrel,

Go to the tree.

And if you can't get
eggs from the store...

[chickens clucking]

The early bird gets the worm,

But kick buttowski
gets the eggs.





[pigs oink]


[crowd screams]

There's hardly anything left.

All i could find
was anchovy paste.

Is that orange juice?

No. Is that eggs?


Then i don't want it!


There's a delivery
truck pulling up.

To the delivery truck.
I need eggs.

[crowd chants] tip it!

Tip it!

Everyone, please, calm down.

There's enough for
everyone's mother.

Tip it, tip it.
I need these eggs.

Eh, good enough.

Give me some orange juice.

It's all gone.

Then think outside the carton.




[scuffling sounds]



Mother's day breakfast.

Steak, check.

Know where i can find some eggs?


Where's my orange juice?

All i could find was
this orange toothpaste.

Not good enough.

Aah, the citrus. It burns.

And yet surprisingly refreshing.

That guy's got orange juice.

[crowd clamoring]

Back off, it's mine. All mine.

I have a mother, too, you know?

[ricochet sounds]

Stand back.

I have pricing gun and i'm
not afraid to mark you down.



[cries out]

[sighs] thank you.

For a moment there i
thought i was a goner.

Well, you know,
just trying to help out.

Here, i'll help you carry
your juice if you'd like.

Why, thank you, my good man.

Why, hello.

Some one as pretty as you
buying flowers for herself?

Allow me.




Yeah, no dilweed in sight.

Brad buttowski,
mother's day hero.

[tires screech]

Brad. Dilweed.

Smell that?
It's battery powered victory.

Eggs are almost done.

Enjoy yet another mother's day
fail, dilweed.


[wade] you sure this will
work, danger dude?

Punch it.

[engine revs]

Mind if i have one
of your flowers?

Sure, forget about mother's day?

What's mother's day?

[bell rings]

You're going down, dilweed.

In flames.

The only thing i'm going
down in is history.

[mockingly] only thing
i'm going down in is pain.

Ha, taste the sweet smell
of losingness, loser.

I'm gonna get to mom first.

Well, now, two hot breakfasts.

Why did you both
make mom breakfast?

To celebrate mother's day.

To beat kick out from
number two in the house.

Now, that is silly.

You are both number two after
me, of course.

[both laugh]

Okay, what's... what's so funny?

You think you're number one?

Dad, we all know bree is
number one around here.

Oh, son, i don't want to
hurt anyone's feelings.

But we all know i'm number one.

[both laugh]

Okay, dad.

And these mother's day coupons

Ought to lock that place
down for another year.

One free trash emptying.

One 15-second foot rub.

First dibs on the,
uh, newspaper.

Hey, look over there.

Hey, that's for mom.

[scuffling sounds]


Mother's... day.

She's not even here. What?

Where do you think she is?

How are your eggs, mom?

Oh, they're absolutely perfect.

And your juice?


Thank you for such a wonderful

Mother's day breakfast, brianna.

Happy mother's day, mom.

It's still the best
mother's day ever,

Nothing could ruin
this beautiful day.


[mom] boys!