Kick Buttowski: Suburban Daredevil (2010–2012): Season 1, Episode 11 - Dad's Car/The Treasure of Dead Man Dave - full transcript

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There she is, boys.
Your father's pride and joy.

I thought i was
your pride and joy.

She's stylish and powerful.

Sixteen-inch wheels, am, fm.

Stereo cassette deck.

That's left and
right, my friends.

pleather interior

And on-demand ignition.

[engine cranks]


Yeah, she'll do zero to 60...

[engine stops]

And one day monique
here could be yours


228 days, my sweet, little...

Back! Fingers!

Now, back off.

All right, that's good.

Don't worry, dad.

I'd never let anything
happen to your car.

Car? Monique isn't just a car.

She's a companion,

A best friend.

I thought mom was
your best friend.

Shh. Monique doesn't
know about your mother.

[mother] harry, honey,

Would you open this
pickle jar for me?

[nervous chuckle]

Sounds like the cleaning
lady needs some help.

I don't want to see a fingerprint
on monique when i get back.

[shouts] what pickle jar?

Don't be jealous, kick.

When monique is mine,

I might let you wash her.

I think you and margaret there
really deserve each other.

[grunts] [laughing]

Aah! It burns!

[echoing] no!

[laughs] you
scratched dad's car.

I don't think so.
You scratched it.

Hmm. Now, who would i believe?

The innocent older brother or...

The kid in the crash helmet?

You're not going to
blame this one on me.

Yes, i am. No, you're not.

Try to stop me.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. What did i say
about standing so close to monique?

Oh, father,
thank goodness you're back.

Kick was doing one of his
crazy daredevil stunts

When he irresponsibly
lost control


[garbled] my tongue.
I can't talk!

What's that, son? I can't
understand what you're saying, boy.

I think he said he needs
to go to the hospital.

Right, brad.

No! No, i didn't...

Good idea, brad.
We'll take my car.


Scratch! Scratch!

Uh, what was that, brad?

You think you might
throw up on the way?

Mom's car it is.

The scratch. The scratch.

There you go, nice and easy.

Hurry. It sounds like
it's getting worse.

Don't worry, dad.

I'll look after monique
until you get back.

Thank you, kick.

I just don't know what i'd
do if anything were to...

Happen to her. [whimpers]

He already scratched it.

Quick, dad. For brad.

Right. You're dead meat.

What am i going to
do about monique?

[gunther] who's monique?

Gunther, don't move.
I didn't break anything.

I know you didn't. Brad did.

And if i don't get it
fixed before dad gets home,

I'm going to be grounded

Till i'm old enough to drive.

Have you tried using
your time machine?

I don't have a time
machine, gunther,

Or you could just tell
your dad the truth.

I don't know what i'd do
if anything were to...

[gasps] Happen to her.


I think i'll fix it myself.

Besides, what could go wrong?

There, good as new.


You're right, gunther.

I can't go through this

Without some serious help.

[cell phone rings]

Wade here.

Oh, sure thing. On my way.

Now, what was i doing
before the phone rang?

[car crashes]

Okay, here's the plan.

i need you to stall dad and brad

While wade and i fix dad's car.



So let me get this straight.

You're asking us to help
you cover up the truth?

Not just cover it up.

We need to bury the old truth

Under a mountain of
new and improved,

i'm-not-going-to-get grounded truth.

Are you in?

In? I've already got the shovel.

You were being
figurative, were you?

Right, then,
i'll just stall them at the hospital.

[siren wails]

[german accent] hello there.
I am dr. Gunther...

Uh, stein.

Ah, yes. Very ugly indeed.


Say "ouch."

[slurs] ouch.

Ah, just as i suspected.

Is it serious, dr. Guntherstein?

Could be,
but he may have to stay overnight.

Nice try, gunther.

Can't you see? It's gunther.
It's gunther!

Nurse, we are going to need
some restraints in here.

[chuckles] how's it
look, my man?

Like it never happened.

Oh, biscuits.

that's what i call bad karma.

With a capital c.

Good day, madam.

Hey, you! No skateboarding.

[cell phone rings]

Talk to me.

I don't know how much
longer i can stall.

Where are you?

Getting close. See?

Monique! No!

For a second there it
sounded like you said...

Mr. Buttowski, sorry i'm late.

But if you're the doctor,

Then who's that?

Hey, my wig.

Hello? Hello?

Look out!

Double biscuits.

I'm going to need to
borrow this for a minute.


I can't believe you made that
poor doctor jump out the window.

Come on, dad.
Can't you drive any faster?

[motor whirring]


[cell phone rings] hello?

You can stop stalling now.
I'm heading home as we speak.

Are you sure? Because i'm just
starting to get the hang of it.

Let me drive.

That's right.
You got your learner's permit.

Well, you have had a tough day.

As long as you're driving your
mother's car, eh, why not?

[engine cranking]

Now, remember, bradley.

Driving is a very
serious responsibility!

[engine cranking]


And now to get you home.

[engine stalls]


Gunther, i need you to
pull out all the stops.


Got it.

Oops. Dropped my phone.

No! [screams]


that looks just like my car.

Except that my car has sweet,
fuzzy dice hanging from the mirror.

Oh, no you don't.

Slow down, jackass!


What is...


Found my phone.

[screaming] [screaming]

Whoa-ho-ho! Go, monique!

[tires screech]

[panting] quick, dad.

Scratch! Scratch!

i've had quite enough of this.

Now, go to your room.

Dad, i believe he said,

"kick scratched your car."

Yeah. Yeah.

Scratch? Scratch!

I don't see any scratch.
Hah! Busted.


But it was...
it was right there.

There, there, now.

Dr. Guntherstein will
make everything better.

Come with me.

I don't understand it.

That door's always
had a scratch there.

Uh, nothing a little elbow
grease can't take care of.

Kick? You... You fixed it?

Anything for monique, dad.

You know, kick,

Brad might be older,

But you might get your
hands on monique first.

I'd be honored.

[mother screaming]

What have they done to
you, my darling antonio!

[together] antonio?

[woman] thank you, kendall,
for that exciting oral report

On susan b. Anthony,

A thrilling follow up to
martin luther king, jr.,

Sitting bull,
and who could forget,

Gunther's report on
rosie the riveter.

All right, who's next?

[kick] that would be me.

All right, mr. Buttowski.

Get ready for the
historical figure

To beat all
historical figures...

Dead man dave.


Excuse me, but who?

We're discussing figures of
historical importance here.

Dead man dave is the father
of modern skateboarding,

A legend in the world
of extreme sports.

His motto...

Do it all... And then some.

But our story begins when
he was still alive man dave.

Dave built the very
first custom skateboard

And used it for every one
of his death-defying stunts.

That board is
rumored to be imbued

With his legendary
skateboarding prowess

And he wanted only his most
worthy successor to have it.

So your oral report is about
some dead guy's magic skateboard?

Dead man dave didn't need magic.

He had skills,

And only an equally
skilled daredevil

Could inherit his
most treasured board,

Which is why he hid it

Deep in a booby-trapped cave

That was lost to the ages...

Until i found it yesterday.

[students gasp]

I remember it like
it was yesterday.

You really think dead man
dave's board is down there?

Check it. His autobiography.

If you're reading this,

You're not extreme enough

You're not extreme enough
to inherit my legacy.

Three-hundred blank pages?

Quite a bold publishing choice.

Of course it is, gunther.

I still don't get it.

Dave wanted someone worthy to
inherit his legacy of danger,

And that someone is...

Kick buttowski.

And gunther.

Solid wall.

Oh, well, let's go home.

I know it's here somewhere.

But we're at a dead end.
It's a wall.

I don't believe in dead ends.

Or walls.

And neither did dead man dave.

[gunther] are you sure
this is a good idea?

Trust me.
This is one of dave's tests.

There's got to be a better way.

And there it is.


i'm not as athletic as i look.

We'll find another way.

Hey hey,
watch out for those mushrooms.

[screams] mushrooms!

Your fear of fungus
has served us well.


Careful, gunther. This place is
probably filled with booby traps.

[laughs] you said boo...


[both gasp] run!

[gunther] hey, a tunnel.

[kick] two tunnels.

Let's go down the nice tunnel.

No. This is how dead man dave
separates the men from the boys.

But i am a boy.

Biscuits. A bottomless pit.

I told you we should have
gone into the nice one.

I bet there was popcorn
and drinks in there.

There's only one
way out of this.

Oh, no.

Oh, yes.

Come on, gunther.

Do it all... And then some.

[teacher] uh,
just one second here.

So let me get this straight.

You broke through
a granite wall,

Survived a chamber of
killer stalagmites,

Then dove feet first
into a bottomless pit?

Well, how else was i
going to get the board?



Relax, gunther.
It's like skydiving.

Except we don't have parachutes!

Good point. Whoo-hoo!

[kick] yeah! [gunther screaming]

Hey, is sewage the
same thing as poop?


Are you sure?

It tasted like poop.

How would you know?

Never mind.

Chimichanga! [screams]


Objection! Mrs. Fitzpatrick,

This circus is a waste
of educational resources.

This report makes no sense.

Quiet, kendall!

And then what happened?

After we escaped the crocodiles

And battled a race of
subhuman cave dwellers,

We found ourselves
right outside...

Dead man dave's hideout.


It's locked. Rats.

Don't worry. Dead man dave
hid a key somewhere in here.

No, rats!

That's more like it, dave.


[animal roars]



[kick grunting]

[kendall] will someone
please stop this insanity?

A giant queen rat, you say?

What you're describing is
biologically inconceivable.

Axle grease from dave's boards

Causes extreme growth in rats.

It's called science, kendall.

I believe you, kick.


Order! Order!

Quiet down.

Oh, i refuse to keep quiet.

Ugh, not this again.

He's innocent. He's innocent!

He's innocent.

[muffled] he's innocent!

[no audible dialogue]

Proceed, mr. Buttowski.

Like i was saying,

I had just been thrown into
a wall by a giant queen rat.


Kick, what are you doing?

I am getting that key.

[rat growls]





[growls] kick?



[shudders] look.

Wouldn't you rather
eat a sandwich?


Yummy peanut butter.


[blows landing] [shrieks]

Kick? Are you in there?

Come on, gunther.

How did you get out of there?

You don't want to know.

You're totally hardcore.

[kick] dead man
dave's secret hideout.

Look at all these boards.

And all these salty snacks.

Careful, gunther.
Don't touch anything.

Kick, you got it!

Dead man dave's
legendary skateboard!

Not quite yet.


This is the one.

Found some chips. Gunther, no!

But i wasn't touching.

Gunther, come on.



Kick, i can't hold on.

So, kick, we almost made it.

No, gunther,
we almost didn't make it.

Here's how it's gonna go down.

I let go of this ledge and
swing us both into the air.

I quadruple somersault
onto that volcano

Next to dave's skateboard,

Flipping you backward
onto the ledge.

I grab the board,
you hoist us up,

And we're on our way.

It's no use, kick.
Leave me behind.

Save the board.

I'm replaceable.

No, man. I'm gonna get you both.

You can't do it all.

I have to do it all...

And then some.

On three.



Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

You mean to tell me,
out of a room full of golden skateboards,

You chose the nasty
old wooden wooden

Held together by nails and duct tape?
That's tight.

And where's your
proof, mr. Buttowski?

Gunther's right over
there, isn't he?

Well, then, where is this
super skateboard of yours?

[all] eww!

It's an oral report, kendall.

Not show-and-tell.

[class] eww!

Well, your entire report
was obviously fabricated.

But i must admit,

You entertained us all.

You pass... Barely.

I can live with that.

Um, mr. Buttowski,

School's not out yet.

It's only 11:30.

This means detention!

Mr. Buttowski!

Tell me, kick.

How did you escape
that giant queen rat?

Well, that's easy, gunther.

I just ran around in circles
until i was all pooped out.