Kacha Ze (2018–…): Season 1, Episode 3 - Episode #1.3 - full transcript

Significant Other

Hey. -Hey
What's up

How are you?

You okay?
-Sure, yeah.

I see your nose healed.
-Yes. -How's your heart?

Fine.
-Great.

Got any eggs?
-For? -Pancakes.

You know how to make pancakes?

I'll Google it.
You need eggs, right?

Yes. You got all the other ingredients?
-I think so.

What else? Flour?
-You got flour?



Do you? -Milk?
-I have some milk, yes.

Baking powder?
-That too?

Want me to make them?
-No, just the eggs,

I can make them for you, it's fine.

No, no, don't bother, I...
-I'll make them, no big deal.

Okay, but only the sauce.
-Maple syrup?

No, the batter.

Okay.
-How long will it take?

Two minutes.

That's what you're watching?

Yes, I like

You into history?

It cheers me up,
puts things into perspective.

That's some story that happened there.



Yeah, big time.
Do they like raisins?

Who?
-Your kids.

Whatever.
-You have no idea what they like, huh?

Yeah.

Why would you?

You're just their dad.

Two bowls,
dry, wet,

a cup of flour,

two tablespoons of sugar,

milk,

two eggs.

Should I stir?
-Yes

What talent, they'll adore you.
-You think?

I think it's the only thing
I remember from my father.

He hardly did anything with me,
but sometimes,

when he was in the mood,
he made pancakes.

Whenever I miss him,
I make them.

It's a bit like
getting a hug from him.

Not that he was a hugger,

but if he were alive..

I think he'd hug me.
I think.

Sorry I didn't know.
-That's okay, it's history.

Once being an orphan was hip,

now all the parents are dying.

You're an orphan?

You couldn’t tell, huh?

Give me that.

When I was a kid
I wished I was an orphan.

I think every kid does.

You mean I let my kids down?

Being an orphan is not as great
as it seems. -Yeah, right?

Besides, it's nice that you're alive.

It’s ready,
want me to do it?

No, I'll do that.
Do you know how?

Sure, no problem.
-You got butter?

Do I need it?
-I'll give you some.

A bit of this,
a quarter cup of this

and you fry...

until you see big bubbles and...

you flip them over
and when the other side is...

brown,
you flip them back over.

You want me to do the first one?
-No, that's okay.

I guess it would be weird...
Good luck, Daddy.

Hi, here's some maple syrup.
I was going over the fridge

and I thought you could use some.
-Thanks.

What's up? Did you start yet?
Soon.

Okay, if you need help, I'm here.

Flip them when... bubbles...
-Big ones, not small. -Of course.

If you flip them when they're small
they get all...

Cool. -No need for bubbles
on the other side 'coz they're done...

Oh...

Yeah.

Why didn't you tell me?
I would have made it fancier.

What I made was for the kids...
-Yeah, no... it was weird.

Weird? Why?
-Coz you said... so...

never mind.
-The only thing that's weird

is that you lied to me.
I would have helped you anyway,

so why lie?
-I didn't lie.

You said it was for the kids.
-No, I didn't.

You didn't say it wasn't.
-But I didn't lie.

Not saying is lying.
-Sorry... I didn't want to insult you.

You thinking it would insult me
is what insults me.

I don't mind helping you.

Impress whoever you want
at my expense.

I said I'd make them...
I would have made them even better,

but say something.
It's basic.

You're right.
I'm glad you're okay with it.

Next time I'll tell you.
-Okay.

Was that so hard?
-No. -Okay.

Is everything okay?
-Yes, I just brought maple syrup.

Thank you. -Sure thing. Enjoy.

Thanks.

What? You want some more?
-No, I'm just bringing back the bowl.

Listen, I'm so sorry.
I didn't know there's a situation here.

No situation,
it's what we do in this building.

Okay, so I misunderstood,
but men, you know,

lower your expectations, no letdowns.
-I'll remember that.

Wait, we haven't met,
but may I come in a sec?

I want to tell you something
that could be very helpful

and I'm saying this
because you seem very sweet.

Men are scum.

Now that you know that,
all that's left to do

is see how you make it work for you.

Thanks for the advice.

You think I'm saying that
because I want... your cute neighbor?

Let me help you.
I don't even know his name.

I'm here because I realized my husband is scum
and I needed a breather.

Oh, you're married?

14 years next week.

And you're not scum?
-No, I'm in an enrichment class,

that's totally different.
How about your?

Are you divorced?

A widow?

Oh...

So... you have no idea.

I'm stuck with a 20 year old's stupid decision,

but now it's too late.

Who will have me with three kids?

And being alone is scary,
you know that, better a bullet to the head.

So I'm stuck with a man
who is more like my brother

and fucking your brother
is disgusting.

Maybe fucking your real brother
is a turn on,

but fucking your husband
who is like your brother

after you heard him fart like mad is hell.

But you're lucky,
you have nothing.

So you want to force it?
To feel? Are you insane?

Live, go out, have fun, take.

Don't give, take.

And I have someone for you.
-No, thanks, I don't want a relationship.

Who said relationship?
Just go out, have fun.

Is age an issue?
-You mean he's young?

Young isn't for you,
you're not easygoing.

You need someone your own pace,
who'll find you attractive.

With a young guy you're losing
all the relative advantages,

because you need someone
who will look up at you.

You have to be better looking,
younger, more desirable.

That's what we really want.
-How old is he?

65, but he doesn't look older
than you, if that's what scares you.

I look 65 to you?

It's not about the numbers...

This man looks good,

he's young at heart,

energetic, athletic,

I wouldn't put him at a minute over 58.

Wait.

Can I?

I'm writing down my phone number.

If you're smart,
you'll text me.

This has been fun,

but I'm late
for a cyberforum meeting.

All those soldiers
watching porn all day.

No matter how many walls you put up,
they hack through them.

Those pervs,
I bet they're glad I'm not there.

Okay, I'm...

Thanks.
-Glad I could help.

I went to the stairs,

totally by chance
because I was on my way to...

a "Shivah" for the dad
of this guy I went to school with,

and then I heard three balloons bursting,

so I asked someone

"what happened?"
and everyone's running!

Excuse me a for second.

Hello, Shuki.

What?

Oh no, are you hurt?

Okay, calm down, jackass.
Where are you?

Okay, I'm paying the check
and I'll be there in 20 minutes.

Calm down.

Stop whining, you jackass,
I'll be right there.

Bye.

Can I get the check please?

My buddy is stuck out of town,
his car broke down, I have to help him out.

Okay.
- Shame, I was having such a good time.

I can come with if you want.

Listen,

forget that,
I'll call you a cab.

I can call a cab.
-Then let me pay for it.

I can pay for

I'll drop you off at your corner,

it's easier.
-Why not just drive straight to him?

I don't see the point.
-And there's a point to this prank?

What prank? What prank?
-"What prank?" "What prank?"

How lame. -Listen,
we've been friends for 40 years

and he's not a genius
but I won't leave him stranded.

I'm going to help him out.
-Israel, spare me.

Just say you're not interested.

Sweetie, the fact that I was disappointed
that you're old

doesn't mean I don't have manners
or that I play games.

I guess you need the games.
I guess you call that manners.

You want to come with me to see?
-Yes, let's go.

This is ridiculous.
-That your friend won't be there?

It's not ridiculous to me.

He should be here somewhere.
-Of course.

Maybe he turned into a burning bush.

Can't you just admit it
and stop this farce?

This is embarrassing for both of us.

Okay, it's ridiculous.
I'm sorry.

Just take me home.

must have drunk too much.

Finally!
Thanks for coming!

I see you came equipped.

Oh my..

A man walks into a whorehouse and says:
"Bring me the toughest whore you got."

They bring him this beauty,

she undresses,
he looks at her,

slaps her face, she runs out crying.

He says:
"I asked for the toughest whore!"

They bring him this giant
with a big stomach,

pretty, but fat,
he looks at her

and headbutts her.

She runs out crying,
"Mommy, Mommy."

He says: "What didn't you get?

"I want your toughest whore."

They bring in this fragile, pretty woman
with big tits,

she undresses,

looks at him
and does a headstand.

He looks at her,
a beer in his hand

and asks: "Lady, what are you doing?"
So she says:

"I thought you wanted me to
open your beer with my pussy". -Idiot.

Is that joke harassment?

Should it make anyone uncomfortable?

Did that joke
make you feel uncomfortable?

Get this. A person lost his job
because of that joke.

Sexual harassment.

Sexual harassment?
The world has gone mad.

Nowadays you can joke about everything,

the handicapped, the Holocaust,

the soldiers, the army,

Kurds, Iranians, Iraqis,

but not pussy.

No, no, pussy is off limits.

You can't even say "pussy."

Look at that one.
Her tits are hanging out.

Wow... look at those tits.

You don't want me to look,
then close your tits.

If I stare,
that's sexual harassment,

if I don't stare, I'm gay.

Nothing is fun anymore.
-Hard, isn't it?

Not always, but usually yes.

You sonofabitch.

You know what’s really absurd?
-What?

Who are the flag-bearers?
-Who?

The young women
couldn't care less

and the old ladies are even flattered.

But the women approaching 50,
and don't take this personally,

with all due respect,
they're not the hottest item on the market.

I'm sure you know this firsthand.

They are the ones leading this sacred war
and ruining it for the rest of us.

You're out of the game anyway,

you're not as juicy
as the younger women,

you're not as soft and grateful
like the older ladies,

so instead of investing in friends,
you're trying to fix the world.

The world doesn't need
women your age.

Once you were grandmothers at 50,
you helped out, very nice,

but now when you divorce
and say that 50 is the new 30,

come on... it's confusing.
-Are you men confused?

Not us, that's for sure.

Don't listen to this idiot,

women are wonderful,

At all ages, in all shapes

and if anything does a woman good,
it's the years.

And fish walk on land...

You don't believe a word you're saying.

This moron.
All his life he acted like a sleaze,

but then he marries
the most beautiful, hot women.

Is it my fault you're not a player?
-I'm more of a player than you.

I tell you, I don't get it.
-You're a player?

So play, who's stopping you?
-Play?

Easy for you to say.
-There's a girl right here, play.

No need, I'm good.
-Humor him.

I'm trying to prove a point.
-That's okay.

Hello, Ma'am.

Hello.
-Wanna come up to my place?

We'll have a nightcap?
I can invite a friend...

What a jackass.
A jellyfish wouldn't go near you.

Listen and learn.

Hello, gorgeous.
You're amazing.

You're... a ray of light in the dark.

Just show me your ID,
so I don't get in trouble with a minor.

Look, she's smiling already.
Take it from here and don't rum it.

So how about coming to my place?
-Gorgeous.

So how about coming to my place,
Gorgeous?

I'll pass, handsome.

She's tough.
But I really live close by, gorgeous.

And I have Remy Martin.
-I'd kill for some Remy Martin.

You come too.
What do you say? -About what?

The three of us, a drink at my place.

Some other time.
I have this thing tomorrow.

Can't you see she's a downer?
-I'm not, I have this thing tomorrow.

It's okay, so you're a downer,
not everyone was born to party.

You're a grown woman,
you're not freaked out, are you?

No, I...
I'm not freaked out at all.

No, we just...
want to make you feel good.

You do like that, don't you?

Maybe she'd rather we were bad.
-Oh yeah? Are you that type?

We can be bad too,
we're very diverse.

The cat got her tongue.
It's okay, all in good fun.

I'm fine.
-Let's cut all the talk,

we'll go to my place, have a drink or two
and go with the flow.

I'd rather you take me home.
-Sure thing.

If you're sure that's what you prefer,
we'll go up, have a drink and leave.

But I really have to get up early.
-But I really want a drink.

Then you won't take me home?
-I will, after the drink.

And if I don't want a drink?
-Then don't drink, you don't have to.

We don't force anyone.

You don't expect me to pass up a drink
just because you have to get home...

I have to wait
until you're done drinking?

You're the one who wanted to come with.
-Knowing you'd take me back.

That's not my problem.
-So you expect me to get out here and take a cab?

You're a big girl, do as you please.
-It's not like I have a choice.

We asked you to join us,
if you don't want to,

what can I say?
What can we do?

Come on, cut the bad vibes.
Guys, it's all good.

Pull over here, okay?
-Wherever you want.

Why? We're harmless old men.

Just pull over, okay?

You can still change your mind.
-Have a good night.

It was nice meeting you, gorgeous!

Hey. -Hey.
-Are you alone? -Yes.

Any pancakes left?