Just Shoot Me! (1997–2003): Season 6, Episode 22 - The Boys in the Band - full transcript

Finch's fellow band member, Greg(Huey Lewis), asks Nina out. She's mortified when she finds out they have an air band with imaginary instruments. Alan Thicke brings out Jack's competitive side. Maya gets upset when Jack drags her into it.

- Rock and roll!

- What is wrong with you?

- Kevin and I are
putting a band together

and I'm working on
my stage persona.

What do you think, with the hat

or without the hat?

- That depends, do you
want to have sex with a lady

or tea with a rabbit?

- I'll take whatever, baby.

Rock and roll!

- What is the name
of this band, anyway?

- GFK Groove Cart.

It stands for Gary, Finch,
and Kevin. (howling)

- Gary, who's Gary?

- Gary's our lead guitarist.

He's actually on his way up.

Hey, you know we got a
little gig tomorrow night.

You might want to stop
by, check it out, huh?

- Tomorrow night.

Unfortunately, I won't
be able to make it

because I don't want to.

- Well, if you can't you can't.

- Finch.

- Gary, my man.

Good to see you.

- Hello, who's the skinny kitty?

- Dude, you don't want that.

I'll introduce you anyway.

Nina Van Horn,

meet my good friend
Gary Rosenberg.

Successful stock broker
by day, lead ax man

for GFK Groove Cart by night.

Rock and roll, woo!

Rock and roll, dude.

- Oh, yeah, rock and roll.

- It's cool if we
say it together.

Rock and roll.

- Rock and roll.
- Rock and...

I'm gonna get Kevin.

- So, handsome, how
do you know Finch?

- I manage his
ex-wife's portfolio.

Turns out that Finch
and I like the same music

so we decided to form a band.

- Oh, you know, I
love music too, Gary.

In fact, I'm responsible
for Pat Benatar's

Hit Me With Your Best Shot.

I beat the hell out of that
woman and I'd do it again.

- I like that.

Would you like to
have dinner tonight?

- I don't really eat but
I'd be happy to tag along.

- Oh my god, Elliot.

The waiter looks
exactly like you.

- Jack, don't do this again.

- I'm telling you, get
ready to look in the mirror.

It's like separated at birth.

All right, ready, and twins.

- I'll have the fish.

- Excellent choice.

- I'll have the
beef, Elliot. (laughs)

Oh my god, it's Alan Thicke.

- [Elliot] It is Alan Thicke.

- We go way back.

He is so annoying.

Everything's a
competition with him.

Dammit, he got a booth.

And Elliot Two is
fawning all over him.

I'll be right back.

Don't start without me.

- Jack, I'm starving.

- Please, Elliot, without
manners, we're cavemen.

- Right, right.

- Alan.

- Jack, hi, Jack.

You know my beautiful
daughter Jenny.

- Hi Mr. Gallo.

- Jenny, nice to see you again.

- We have lunch every
week, we're very close.

- Maya and I work
together every single day.

- Must be hard
finding quality time

with all the hustle and
bustle of the workday.

- Hustle and bustle are no
match for Gallo and Gallo.

Anyway, I should go.

I'm meeting her for lunch.

- You should join us.

As you can see, I have a booth.

- Oh, sure, I'll go see
what's keeping Maya.

Every minute we're
apart, I die a little.

- Jack, do you mind if I...

- One tomato and that's it.

- Good timing, Jack,
we're just about to order.

- I think I'm going to
have the roasted chicken.

- That sounds good, but
I kind of wanted the fish.

- How about we do...
- [Both] Splitters.

- Maya, do you
want to go sharesies?

- Dad, you hate sharing.

- Not with my angel.

Here, have half my water.

- I have my own.

- But I'm offering
you some of mine.

- Okay.

- I said half.

- Jenny and I were just
planning our summer.

We're going to take
a two week kayak trip.

- Oh.

- So are Maya and I.

- What?
- Surprise!

What better way
to say I love you

than with a three
week kayak trip?

- You know, there's
such a thing as spending

too much time in a kayak.

- Oh yeah, not for us,
because we love kayaking.

- This is ridiculous.

I'm going back to the office.

- Where we work together.

- Oh god.

- It's gonna be a long
three weeks, Gallo.

- Are you almost finished?

- Can we have another
basket of bread?

- Cool bar.

- Hey, I know this place.

Linda Ronstadt and I used to
throw up in the bathroom here

after a big meal.

Apparently one of us
dropped out of the program.

- I love these kinds of dives.

There's so much
grit, so down and dirty.

What kind of sweet and
creamy drinks do you have?

- Hey, thanks for coming.

- I wouldn't miss
it for the world.

- Listen, last night
was amazing.

- Hey Gary, we
need you backstage.

- Why?

- We're gonna do some
pushups, man, look ripped.

- All right, why not?

See you after the show, babe.

- Good luck, Gary.

Rock and roll.

- I know the bartender
was trying to prove a point

but beer and milk is
actually pretty good.

- Isn't Gary great?

It's not just because
he's rich and successful,

but he's a musician and
there is nothing sexier

than a musician.

- All right, welcome, everybody.

Please put your hands
together for GFK Groove Cart.

(crowd applauding)

("Rock And Roll
All Nite" by Kiss)

- Where are their instruments?

♪ You show us
everything you've got

♪ You keep on dancing
and the room gets hot

Oh my god.

My boyfriend plays
lead guitar in an air band.

♪ You keep on shouting,
you keep on shouting

♪ I want to rock
and roll all night

- Nina.

What happened to you last night?

You left in the middle
of the first number.

- Yeah, right.

I'm sorry I had to leave.

Something suddenly came up.

- What?

- I suddenly realized
the man I was dating

likes to strum his
own belly for fun.

Just get away from me!

- Come on, don't be like that.

I thought you'd
think it was fun.

- Let me try to
explain this to you.

I think that riding a
horse, for example, is fun.

Going like this

makes me look like an idiot.

- Look, Nina, when I
was a kid, I fantasized

about being a rock star.

But I never learned how
to play an instrument.

Goofing around with
Groove Cart, that's my way

of living that dream.

- But life isn't about
living your dreams.

It's about soaking those
dreams in bourbon and wine

so that all the pretty
pictures just smear together

in a puddle of
nothingness and you forget

what you ever wanted
in the first place.

- Look, we're
rehearsing here tonight.

Come by and you'll see
it's actually kind of cool.

- I don't know.

- We got a good
thing happening here.

Let's not throw
it away over this.

- Okay.

Wait, your money is real, right?

It's not air money.

- Yesterday's lunch
was totally humiliating.

- In all fairness, it wasn't
a level playing field.

We were in Alan Thicke's booth.

- This isn't about Alan Thicke.

This is about you and me
and the deep emotional moat

that runs between us.

- Uh oh.

- Yes, uh oh.

- Look, Alan Thicke
gets under my skin.

Ever since that summer we
split a timeshare in the Hamptons,

he thought that
included my girlfriend.

You remember Brenda?

- The yoga instructor
you cheated on Mom with?

- Bingo.

- Dad, that's not
what I'm talking about.

- I know, it was wrong of
me to use our relationship

to try and beat him at lunch.

- Except it wasn't
our relationship.

It was all lies.

You couldn't come
up with one real thing

that would make anyone jealous.

- So what are you saying?

You want to go kayaking?

- I want us to go to therapy.

- Maybe we should
revisit kayaking.

- Listen, Elliot and his dad
go to this group therapy thing.

- I should have known, Elliot.

- He says it's really helping.

His father has altogether
stopped calling him Smelliot.

Listen, this is really
important to me.

I do want to take a
kayaking trip with you.

A trip down a river called
communication and understanding.

- Oh god.

Okay, I'll do it.

- You'll see.

Growing closer
is the real victory.

- So in a sense,
by going to therapy,

we'll be winning.

- Dad, Dad, Dad,
it's not about winning.

- You're right, of course.

Hey, Alan.

Guess what me
and Maya are doing.

- Kevin, Kevin,
what are you doing?

- I'm setting up my drums.

- I can see that.

But remember we decided the
audience would be over there,

so your drums
should be over there.

- Oh yeah, sorry.

- This is where you guys
start to freak me out a little bit.

- Hey, you want to win the
battle of the air bands or not?

- Yeah, I guess so.

- Okay, it's all in the details.

You believe it, the
audience will believe it.

- Okay, but...

Be careful because you're
about to trip over my amp.

- Awesome.

- What's happening, Groove Cart?

- What's she doing here?

- Gary invited me.

- Fine.

Okay, let's do this, get set.

("Rock and Roll
All Nite" by Kiss)

(music stops)
- Cut!

- Rosenberg, what's
your lady doing?

- Yeah, what's going on, Nina?

- I don't want to
interrupt, but can I just say

just one little thing?

- What?

- Why don't you
just, I don't know,

sex it up a little bit?

Do it like you were Mick Jagger.

- I ain't prancing
around like Mick Jagger.

I'm Gene Simmons, I'm the demon.

- Well, it sucks.

- Why don't we just try it?

- All right.

("Rock and Roll
All Nite" by Kiss)

(music stops)

- Close, but no no no.

It's too much of the same thing.

Gary, you just keep on
doing what you're doing.

I love it.

Kevin, we need a
little less from you.

- I'm too sexy?

- Exactly.

Finch, why don't you
try skipping around

like a pretty little girl?

All right, ready, and go.

("Rock and Roll
All Nite" by Kiss)

(music stops)

- All right, I'm gonna puke.

What's going on?

- Hey, you know what, Finch?

If you don't want
to participate,

then why don't you
just change places

with somebody who cares?

Gary, why don't you
come up here in the front,

and Finch, just go
back there behind Kevin.

- I don't go in the back.

I'm the lead singer.

Lead vocals, all right?

When people are pretending
to light their lighters,

they're pretending to love me.

- Well, we could
change it up a little bit.

- Are the acoustics bad in here?

Or are you trying to
change everything?

I get it, you're
taking over the band.

You two are taking over the
band, I see what's going on.

- Calm down.

- I'm not gonna calm down.

- Come on, this is
supposed to be fun.

- It was fun until you started
dating Grandma Funk Railroad.

Oh yeah.

- Come on.

This is ridiculous.

We're not even a real band.

Let's face it, we
just go like this.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

You just crossed
a line there, mister.

- Oh, come on.

- No, you're out of the band.

You hear that, Yoko?

Let's go, Kevin.

- Well good
afternoon, everybody.

I'd like to welcome the
new members of the group.

I'm Big Dan.

- Hi Big Dan.

- Hi Elliot.

So let's just dive right in.

Who wants to start?

- I do.

I just want to say
that I know my father

is going to show up this time.

I just know it.

- I'm sure he will.

But until that time, as always,

we'll just use that
chair for coats.

- Hey everybody,
sorry we're late.

I just gave my daughter a hug

and I couldn't let go.

- Oh my god, group,
it's Alan Thicke.

(group applauding)

- Thank you, thank you.

Yes, I will be appearing with
Hal Lyndon in the Odd Couple

at the Mason Street Theater.

And if you can believe it,
I'm gonna be the messy one.

- Dad, what is he doing here?

- I told him we were doing this.

I didn't think he'd come.

- So would anyone
else like to share?

- I would.

- Yes, yes, we know, Elliot.

But let's just leave
the coats there for now.

- I'd like to share something.

The only time my father
makes any real effort

to spend any time with me

is when he's getting
something out of it.

He doesn't respect
our relationship.

I feel like he takes
me for granted.

- Hey, Fat Dan.

- It's Big Dan.

- Right.

When do I get to fight back?

- No, no, it's not
about fighting, Jack.

The very fact that she can
express this is a good sign.

Takes a lot of courage to
admit these kind of problems.

- So what you're saying is
the most courageous man

is the man who
can admit his flaws.

- Absolutely.

And I would consider
this a really big step

for you and your daughter.

- A victory perhaps?

- Without question.

- Hold on there.

I think Jenny can attest

to what a piece
of crap father I am.

- What are you doing?

- Being courageous.

I'm probably the
worst father here.

- I don't think so.

- Oh yeah?

I made Jenny have a bat mitzvah.

- Big deal.

- We're not Jewish, I
just needed the cash.

- That's nothing.

I couldn't make Maya's
college graduation

so I hired some bum
who looked like me

to sit in the stands and
shout, "That's my girl."

- All right, all right.

I'm watching TV
with Jenny one night,

I said, "I'll be right back."

I left the house for
three and a half months.

I rode the rails and wrote
songs about America.

- Okay, I can top that.

In 1978...

- What a waste of time.

I'm leaving.

- Maya, wait.

- Big Dan, what's the score?

- Ever heard of a pool
game going into overtime?

He said it might
go into overtime.

- Please, Maya, don't go.

- What do you need me for?

This is between
you and Alan Thicke.

- Look, I'm sorry I
dragged you into this.

What can I say?

I guess I'm just a lousy father.

- God, you're missing the point.

We've made such amazing
progress over the last five years

and I feel like you just
took a giant step backward.

- I know, I let you down.

- You only let me down because
you raised my expectations.

- What do you say we
go back, get the coats,

and have some dinner?

No Thicke, no competition,
no stories, just you and me.

- Okay, I'd like that.

- Come on.

- I love you, Dad.

- I love you too, baby.

- In all my months
as a therapist,

this is the biggest
breakthrough I've ever seen.

- Easy, Dad.

- All right!

Let's hear it for the
Village Little People.

We're gonna take a
break, we'll be back in a bit.

- Rock and roll!

- [Crowd] Rock and roll!

- Rock and roll?

Dude, that's our catchphrase.

What's up?

- Those guys were good though.

- Yeah, really good, but
FK Groove Cart is better.

- I miss Gary.

- Forget about Gary, man.

We got Lloyd.

- What up, dog?

- Lloyd sucks.

- Hey Finch.

- What do you want?

- Nina and I were
on our way to dinner

and I just wanted...
- Get back in the band.

Well guess what?

Tick tock, the band is locked.

We didn't need you.

We never needed
you, right Kevin?

- Never needed him?

I wouldn't go that far.

- You know what, I'm this
close to making it F Groove Cart,

you get it?

- FL Groove Cart?

- Not now, Lloyd.

- Hey guys, you're up.

- Anyway, I just wanted
to say no hard feelings.

Good luck.

- Yeah, whatever, chump.

- See you.

- Gary, what's taking so long?

- I just wanted to
wish the guys luck.

- You're the lucky one.

- Why?

- Because I saved you
from further humiliation.

- What are you talking about?

- Dear, sweet, sexy fool.

I intervened and
broke up the band.

- You broke up the band?

- Yeah, I broke up the band.

Just like I did with The
Who and The Eagles

and the Jackson Six.

- Six?

- Yes, there were six.

("Rock and Roll
All Nite" by Kiss)

(music stops)

- What happened?

- Tape broke.

- Oh my god, we're screwed.

- Wait, I have a backup tape.

- Gary, no, don't do this.

I'm warning you, it's
either me or the band.

- Here, take this.

It's queued up.

- What are you waiting for?

- I don't have my guitar.

- Use mine.

- Sorry Nina.

Air is in my blood.

- [Dennis And Gary]
Let's rock and roll!

♪ I want to rock
and roll all night

♪ And party every day

- My boyfriend is
in GFK Groove Cart.

- All right, my boyfriend is
in the Village Little People.

- Hey.

♪ I want to rock
and roll all night

("Life Keeps Bringing Me
Back To You" by Lauren Wood)