Just Shoot Me! (1997–2003): Season 5, Episode 7 - The First Thanksgiving - full transcript
Everyone will spend Thanksgiving at Jack's country house.
- There you go Colleen, all dry.
- Where did you
learn to do nails?
- Cat shows.
That's where I got
this burly scar, baby.
Check it out.
- I don't see anything.
- Mmm, silkyence.
- What?
- What?
Nothing.
- Dennis, you know
what's great about you?
- Tell me.
- I've been working
here for two months
and you are like the one guy
who hasn't tried to hit on me.
- Well, maybe I'm
just holding back
because I have some
sort of secret plan.
Alright.
- So, what is your secret plan?
- Phase one, get to be buddies.
Mission accomplished.
Phase two, invite
her up to Jack's house
in the Hamptons
for Thanksgiving.
- Phase three?
- Take a long stroll on the
beach, tell her I love her.
- And then?
- And then a gust of wind blows
my pants down to my ankles.
- Hello?
- The trick is to practice
in the mirror first.
- Finch.
- Yes, oh Queen of Thanksgiving.
- Uhm, when you drive out
to the Hamptons tomorrow
are you taking the
LIE or the BQE?
- What difference does it make?
- Because if you
take the BQE you can
jump off at exit 35A and
pick up the centerpiece
at the School for
the Deaf gift shop.
- Well, why do I have
to pick up anything?
You're the host.
- Because I have been
mapping out this event
for the last month,
and every precise detail.
I can't do everything!
Have you ever planned a sit
down dinner for six people!?
- Every other Saturday at the
Future Magicians of America
club meeting.
- I could just kill him.
- Who?
- Remember Roy, the go
who was dating my mom?
He dumped her.
Oh no!
- Yeah, they went
out to dinner last night
and he got up to
go to the salad bar
and he never came back.
- That's horrible.
- That Roy, that Roy,
I would kick his ass
if he didn't have a
pig valve in his heart.
- I have gossip.
- Go.
- You know Brianna Tucci,
the fashion editor at Cosmo.
- Of course.
- Her boss thought
that she was a little old
and out of touch,
so he fired her.
- Wow, nothing
brightens your day
like the failure of others.
- It's like a rainbow.
- Oh hello, Colleen.
Hey Nina, check out these shoes.
- Yes, uh, dear, before
you wear those again,
don't forget your
little rubber ball nose.
- No, I love them.
- Not as much as me.
- Thank you, Mr. Gallo.
- Watch this one,
she's fashion forward.
- Did you see that?
- What?
- Jack just questioned
my fashion sense.
Do you think that
he feels that I'm
getting too old or
losing my edge?
- Oh, don't be silly,
Nina, my father
is so comfortable with you.
- Comfortable!?
What, like a ratty
old pair of slippers?
Jack doesn't want comfortable,
Jack wants cutting edge.
I've gotta show him that
I'm still young and hip.
- Should we start the meeting?
- Hey!
Stay away from me old man.
You don't get me
or my generation.
- Now, if I've done
everything right,
people should experience a
mélange of Thanksgiving feelings.
Fellowship, nostalgia, but
of course, hope for the future.
- Where do you want the salt?
- Oh, anywhere.
- Go ahead.
- Okay.
- Hey Ma, you got
your room all set?
- Oh yes.
What a beautiful table!
- Oh, thank you very much.
- Roy's store was
called Tables and Such.
But this is a happy day.
- You know what
makes me happy, Ma?
Having you here.
- I have a little
pain in my knee.
- Is that Rhoda I hear?
- Hiya, Jack.
- Hello, dear.
- I brought you
a little present.
- Oh isn't that nice?
- Oh I love these!
We have these at the club.
What kind of booze is in it?
- It's a statue of St. Francis.
- Oh, so there's
no liquor in it?
No liquor at all?
- Let's just forget
the whole thing.
- Oh, geez, Jack.
Ma, Ma, it's alright.
Now you can put
your change in it.
- I'm sorry, it just
caught me off guard.
I wasn't expecting
a little gnome.
- Hello!
Happy Thanksgiving, gang!
You know Colleen.
- Oh, Dennis, I didn't know
you were bringing a date.
- They think we're dating.
- You have such a
beautiful home, Mr. Gallo.
There must be a lot
of history behind it.
- Actually George Washington
planned the Battle of Yorktown
in a little cabin just out back.
- Oh, I'd love to see that.
- Oh, well, I tore it down to
put up my paddle tennis court.
It's a shame I
don't play anymore.
- Colleen, I hope you
brought your appetite with you.
- Oh, I'm starving.
- Oh good, because the
turkey will be done in exactly.
- Oh, I don't eat turkey.
- Uh, what?
- Well, a turkey's last
moments are filled with fear
and I don't want that
energy in my body.
Uhm, do you have any tofurkey?
- Tofurkey?
- Yeah, tofu turkey.
- Well, I had made
a more traditional.
- We should get some tofurkey.
- I want some, too.
- I'm not even
sure that the stores.
- Oh, you'll work it out.
- Is that a Chagall lithograph?
- No, I'm afraid
it's just a Chagall.
- Oh my god, an original?
- Yeah, we've got a few of
them lurking around the house.
I'd be delighted
to give you a tour.
- Oh, I'd love that.
- Shall we?
- Hey, Colleen, I
thought we were gonna
pal around at the beach
with my metal detector.
- Oh, well we can do that later.
- You know, I love Chagall's
work with stained glass.
- Well, then you're going
to love my bathroom.
- Show her around,
take your time!
Snake my chick.
Great.
I'm gonna go get drunk
and watch cartoons.
- Hello, all.
Sorry if I'm late.
I stopped at a
rave on the way out.
That's where I met my.
Oh god, where is he?
Oh, not on the rose bushes!
Uh, my new beau will
be here in just a moment.
Woo!
I just drowned
a family of snails.
- I'd like you to meet Slam.
- Why didn't you tell me
you were bringing anyone?
- Hey, you don't
plan on the Slam.
- Oh, isn't he fabulous?
He's young and edgy and
impulsive and he's with me.
So where's Jack?
- C'mon baby, I wanna use you.
- Alright, Slam, there
is a time and a place for.
- Well, we're back.
- Now!
- Alright, I just got off
the phone with Gary
of Gary's Markets, he
has a brick of tofurkey
and has agreed to stay
open 30 extra minutes.
- Can you ask Jack to be
a little nicer to my mom?
- Oh, I will, sweetie.
Have you seen my keys?
- Uhm, no, but what if we
avoid words like sweetie
and dear and honey around
my mother this weekend.
Any lovey dovey talk
will just remind her
that she's been dumped.
- Good, I'm with you.
Yeah, even good or with you.
It's just pouring
salt in the wound.
- Have you seen my keys?
- Have you seen my date?
I left him on the roof
talking to a dead bird.
- Hey, where's Colleen?
- Colleen?
She's here?
- Yeah, I brought her but
Jack's all over her, of course.
Look at my Chagall's,
you're so hip,
you have a real
future in fashion.
Future in fashion!
- Listen, I really
like this girl, too.
I've been working
for months to nail her.
- I know something
terrible's going to happen.
This is the same feeling I had
right before I
married Gary Busey.
- Alright, listen, we've got
to get her away from Jack.
- Alright, where are they?
- Let's do a systematic search.
- There's no time for computers!
- Running out of time, my
keys, my keys, my keys.
- Oh, Jack.
- Oh, Rhoda.
- Surprise!
So I found the keys in
the breadbox, along with,
get this, Jack's golf shoes.
That guy always sticking
things where they don't belong.
Hey, have you seen my mother?
- No.
- Maybe she's lying down?
- Go to the store!
- What, I thought
you were going.
- I am trying to have a
traditional Thanksgiving here!
Now, be a man and
go get the tofurkey!
- Hey, Rip Van Winkle.
- What happened to you?
- I was in the orchard
looking for Jack and Colleen.
It was getting dark.
I heard a noise.
And then I started
thinking about
all the people who
might be after me.
So I ran, and then I tripped
over one of those thingies
that attaches the
tree to the ground.
- A root?
- Yes, yes.
I need to lie down.
- No, don't go in there.
- Why not?
- The light, it's
not flattering.
- Thank you, god
that was a close call.
- Aw, man.
- You know, we do
have indoor plumbing.
- Ooh, look who's
having tea with the Queen.
- What are you doing here?
- Ma's car is blocking ours
and I think her
keys are in there.
Whoa!
Did you just trip me?
- Rhoda!
- Hey Rhoda, have you seen Jack?
- All I know is I've been alone
in that room, taking a nap.
- Everybody look!
- What?
- Look inside yourselves and ask
what are you
grateful for on this,
this holiest of days.
- Beernuts!
- Hello!
I've been outside for hours.
Rhoda, how was your nap?
- It was fine, Jack.
And how was your walk?
- Great!
And the nap?
- You asked me that already.
- I've been outside for hours.
- God, I can't
believe you people
started drinking without me.
- What happened to you?
You look like a haggard
old cave woman.
- Hey, watch the
tone with my old lady!
- I'm sure he meant
that meta-phallicaly.
- Dad, may I see
you in the kitchen?
- Sounds, great.
I'm famished after
all that walking.
Walking, yes.
- Dennis!
I wanna take a shower,
where'd you put my bag?
- In the closet.
What are you
doing in Jack's shirt?
- I just grabbed
it off the bedpost.
No peeking.
I'm not wearing any undies.
- Neither am I, but a
lot of good it's doing me.
- And this all just
looks delicious.
I'm very proud of you.
You've turned into
quite a young woman.
Alright, how much do you know?
- I walked in on you.
Ah.
- I saw things!
It's not right!
How could you prey on
that poor fragile woman?
- I didn't prey on anybody.
It was a crazy thing
that just happened.
It just happened.
I'm sorry I beheaded your monk.
- He was a saint.
- I'm sure he was.
Rhoda, we got off on
the wrong foot earlier
and that was my fault.
Can you forgive me?
It was somehow both
tender and savage.
- There aren't enough
days in the week
for the therapy
I'm going to need.
- Well, I guess, I'm
just gonna have to
make it very clear
to her that it's over.
- So, you're just going to
dump her, just like that?
- I think it's the best way.
- Dad, you don't
understand, she's
in a very vulnerable
place right now!
She is not a young woman!
- Well, I just can't
string her along.
- Oh you would if she
were young and hot.
- But she's not,
so she has to go.
- It's not that simple, Dad.
What about Elliot?
- Oh my god, Elliot.
- Yes, he thinks
of you as a father.
If he finds out you slept
with her he's gonna freak out!
- Well, Elliot's gonna
find out sooner or later.
- No he isn't because you
are not going to tell him.
Now!
I am late with the yams!
My rolls are cold!
And I am trying
to keep it together
so you just stay in here
and carve that damn bird.
Two minutes to
gobble, gobble time!
- Oh Dennis, I see you're
enjoying some of my scotch.
- Just couldn't keep it
in your pants could you?
- What?
- I know what you did.
I heard you and Maya talking.
- So, just keep your voice down.
- Why should I Jack, hello!?
I want the whole world to know
you tainted the woman I love.
- You love her?
- Oh yeah!
Oh yeah.
And I was gonna tell her
this weekend, but not now!
- Dennis, as hard as I try,
I just can't see
you two together.
- Oh, of course not,
because only the God Gallo
gets all the babes!
I'm gonna go
drinky a little bit.
And then we'll see what we see.
- What does that mean?
- I said we'll see what we see!
- Guys, sure, just one second.
- Dennis knows!
- What?
- And that's not even
the surprising part.
- Oh my god, what
if he tells Elliot?
- He could do it, he's
a mean little drunk.
- Alright, I'll have
to keep him quiet.
Finch!
My hands are full and I
need help with this button!
- Jack Gallo, shame on you!
I know everything
that's going on.
- Oh, no, you too?
- Yes.
And I just have this to say.
Anything that woman can
do, I can do better and faster.
I know what it takes
to please you, Jack.
- What?
- And you've never
seen me go all out.
- Nina, please!
- I promise, every
day you'll see
something new on your desk.
And if you think
that I'm slacking off,
then you can just
ride me harder.
- I can't say I'm
not flattered, but.
- Oh, Jack, Jack, please
just say you'll think about it.
I have years of experience.
- I think that's
common knowledge.
- Well, I sure hope so.
- Everybody check
your place cards.
- Now Nina knows.
- What?
- And for some reason it's
gotten her all charged up.
- Alright, I'll try to
keep my eye on her.
What are you waiting
for, Christmas!?
Carve the bird!
- Jack.
- Yes?
- Finch told me everything
and we need to talk.
Can you turn the knife off?
- Listen, Elliot,
I didn't plan it.
Please, forgive me.
- Look, look.
I don't know if this
is my place to say.
I think that you should
just let Finch have her.
- Really, Finch?
- Sure, sure, he's been
drooling over her for months.
And you know,
they're cute together.
- Elliot, I just
want you to know
that I treated her with respect.
- Really?
She strikes me as the kind
who really likes the rough stuff.
- Jack, we need to talk.
- Yes we do!
- What happened today, let's
just make it a one time thing.
- Really!?
- It's just that we're
both on the rebound.
- Yes, yes, rebound.
- No one need ever know.
- Actually, everyone knows.
- What?
Even Elliot?
- But don't worry
about it, he's fine with it.
Almost strangely so.
And by the way,
if I was too gentle
it was only because
of your knee.
- Wow, you can
really put it away.
I like that in a girl.
- Thanks.
- Rhoda, why don't you
sit here right next to Dennis.
The ball's in your court.
- What are you two doing?
- You don't have to whisper.
Elliot knows everything
and he's just fine.
- I'm not even sure why
you're even worried about me.
- Exactly.
Me and your mother
hook up, who cares!
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Wait, you had sex with
Rhoda and Colleen?
- I didn't have
sex with Colleen.
- You thought I
had sex with Jack?
What's the matter with you?
- What's that supposed to mean?
- It means you're
old and craggity.
- If you didn't
have sex with her,
then why did you
give her my job?
- I'm not giving
anyone your job!
- Then what am I
doing here with Slam?
- Have I said one
mean thing to you?
- Well, this has been good.
It's been a kind of
cleansing journey.
Hey, who's hungry?
Dad, will you get us the turkey?
- I'd be delighted.
- You touched my mommy!
Hey! She threw herself at me!
You dirty liar!
- You know what?
Next year you can all
go tofurkey yourselves.
♪ Life keeps
bringing me back to you
♪ Keeps me bringing me home
♪ It don't matter I wanna do
♪ Because it's
got a mind of its own
♪ Life keeps
bringing me back to you
- Where did you
learn to do nails?
- Cat shows.
That's where I got
this burly scar, baby.
Check it out.
- I don't see anything.
- Mmm, silkyence.
- What?
- What?
Nothing.
- Dennis, you know
what's great about you?
- Tell me.
- I've been working
here for two months
and you are like the one guy
who hasn't tried to hit on me.
- Well, maybe I'm
just holding back
because I have some
sort of secret plan.
Alright.
- So, what is your secret plan?
- Phase one, get to be buddies.
Mission accomplished.
Phase two, invite
her up to Jack's house
in the Hamptons
for Thanksgiving.
- Phase three?
- Take a long stroll on the
beach, tell her I love her.
- And then?
- And then a gust of wind blows
my pants down to my ankles.
- Hello?
- The trick is to practice
in the mirror first.
- Finch.
- Yes, oh Queen of Thanksgiving.
- Uhm, when you drive out
to the Hamptons tomorrow
are you taking the
LIE or the BQE?
- What difference does it make?
- Because if you
take the BQE you can
jump off at exit 35A and
pick up the centerpiece
at the School for
the Deaf gift shop.
- Well, why do I have
to pick up anything?
You're the host.
- Because I have been
mapping out this event
for the last month,
and every precise detail.
I can't do everything!
Have you ever planned a sit
down dinner for six people!?
- Every other Saturday at the
Future Magicians of America
club meeting.
- I could just kill him.
- Who?
- Remember Roy, the go
who was dating my mom?
He dumped her.
Oh no!
- Yeah, they went
out to dinner last night
and he got up to
go to the salad bar
and he never came back.
- That's horrible.
- That Roy, that Roy,
I would kick his ass
if he didn't have a
pig valve in his heart.
- I have gossip.
- Go.
- You know Brianna Tucci,
the fashion editor at Cosmo.
- Of course.
- Her boss thought
that she was a little old
and out of touch,
so he fired her.
- Wow, nothing
brightens your day
like the failure of others.
- It's like a rainbow.
- Oh hello, Colleen.
Hey Nina, check out these shoes.
- Yes, uh, dear, before
you wear those again,
don't forget your
little rubber ball nose.
- No, I love them.
- Not as much as me.
- Thank you, Mr. Gallo.
- Watch this one,
she's fashion forward.
- Did you see that?
- What?
- Jack just questioned
my fashion sense.
Do you think that
he feels that I'm
getting too old or
losing my edge?
- Oh, don't be silly,
Nina, my father
is so comfortable with you.
- Comfortable!?
What, like a ratty
old pair of slippers?
Jack doesn't want comfortable,
Jack wants cutting edge.
I've gotta show him that
I'm still young and hip.
- Should we start the meeting?
- Hey!
Stay away from me old man.
You don't get me
or my generation.
- Now, if I've done
everything right,
people should experience a
mélange of Thanksgiving feelings.
Fellowship, nostalgia, but
of course, hope for the future.
- Where do you want the salt?
- Oh, anywhere.
- Go ahead.
- Okay.
- Hey Ma, you got
your room all set?
- Oh yes.
What a beautiful table!
- Oh, thank you very much.
- Roy's store was
called Tables and Such.
But this is a happy day.
- You know what
makes me happy, Ma?
Having you here.
- I have a little
pain in my knee.
- Is that Rhoda I hear?
- Hiya, Jack.
- Hello, dear.
- I brought you
a little present.
- Oh isn't that nice?
- Oh I love these!
We have these at the club.
What kind of booze is in it?
- It's a statue of St. Francis.
- Oh, so there's
no liquor in it?
No liquor at all?
- Let's just forget
the whole thing.
- Oh, geez, Jack.
Ma, Ma, it's alright.
Now you can put
your change in it.
- I'm sorry, it just
caught me off guard.
I wasn't expecting
a little gnome.
- Hello!
Happy Thanksgiving, gang!
You know Colleen.
- Oh, Dennis, I didn't know
you were bringing a date.
- They think we're dating.
- You have such a
beautiful home, Mr. Gallo.
There must be a lot
of history behind it.
- Actually George Washington
planned the Battle of Yorktown
in a little cabin just out back.
- Oh, I'd love to see that.
- Oh, well, I tore it down to
put up my paddle tennis court.
It's a shame I
don't play anymore.
- Colleen, I hope you
brought your appetite with you.
- Oh, I'm starving.
- Oh good, because the
turkey will be done in exactly.
- Oh, I don't eat turkey.
- Uh, what?
- Well, a turkey's last
moments are filled with fear
and I don't want that
energy in my body.
Uhm, do you have any tofurkey?
- Tofurkey?
- Yeah, tofu turkey.
- Well, I had made
a more traditional.
- We should get some tofurkey.
- I want some, too.
- I'm not even
sure that the stores.
- Oh, you'll work it out.
- Is that a Chagall lithograph?
- No, I'm afraid
it's just a Chagall.
- Oh my god, an original?
- Yeah, we've got a few of
them lurking around the house.
I'd be delighted
to give you a tour.
- Oh, I'd love that.
- Shall we?
- Hey, Colleen, I
thought we were gonna
pal around at the beach
with my metal detector.
- Oh, well we can do that later.
- You know, I love Chagall's
work with stained glass.
- Well, then you're going
to love my bathroom.
- Show her around,
take your time!
Snake my chick.
Great.
I'm gonna go get drunk
and watch cartoons.
- Hello, all.
Sorry if I'm late.
I stopped at a
rave on the way out.
That's where I met my.
Oh god, where is he?
Oh, not on the rose bushes!
Uh, my new beau will
be here in just a moment.
Woo!
I just drowned
a family of snails.
- I'd like you to meet Slam.
- Why didn't you tell me
you were bringing anyone?
- Hey, you don't
plan on the Slam.
- Oh, isn't he fabulous?
He's young and edgy and
impulsive and he's with me.
So where's Jack?
- C'mon baby, I wanna use you.
- Alright, Slam, there
is a time and a place for.
- Well, we're back.
- Now!
- Alright, I just got off
the phone with Gary
of Gary's Markets, he
has a brick of tofurkey
and has agreed to stay
open 30 extra minutes.
- Can you ask Jack to be
a little nicer to my mom?
- Oh, I will, sweetie.
Have you seen my keys?
- Uhm, no, but what if we
avoid words like sweetie
and dear and honey around
my mother this weekend.
Any lovey dovey talk
will just remind her
that she's been dumped.
- Good, I'm with you.
Yeah, even good or with you.
It's just pouring
salt in the wound.
- Have you seen my keys?
- Have you seen my date?
I left him on the roof
talking to a dead bird.
- Hey, where's Colleen?
- Colleen?
She's here?
- Yeah, I brought her but
Jack's all over her, of course.
Look at my Chagall's,
you're so hip,
you have a real
future in fashion.
Future in fashion!
- Listen, I really
like this girl, too.
I've been working
for months to nail her.
- I know something
terrible's going to happen.
This is the same feeling I had
right before I
married Gary Busey.
- Alright, listen, we've got
to get her away from Jack.
- Alright, where are they?
- Let's do a systematic search.
- There's no time for computers!
- Running out of time, my
keys, my keys, my keys.
- Oh, Jack.
- Oh, Rhoda.
- Surprise!
So I found the keys in
the breadbox, along with,
get this, Jack's golf shoes.
That guy always sticking
things where they don't belong.
Hey, have you seen my mother?
- No.
- Maybe she's lying down?
- Go to the store!
- What, I thought
you were going.
- I am trying to have a
traditional Thanksgiving here!
Now, be a man and
go get the tofurkey!
- Hey, Rip Van Winkle.
- What happened to you?
- I was in the orchard
looking for Jack and Colleen.
It was getting dark.
I heard a noise.
And then I started
thinking about
all the people who
might be after me.
So I ran, and then I tripped
over one of those thingies
that attaches the
tree to the ground.
- A root?
- Yes, yes.
I need to lie down.
- No, don't go in there.
- Why not?
- The light, it's
not flattering.
- Thank you, god
that was a close call.
- Aw, man.
- You know, we do
have indoor plumbing.
- Ooh, look who's
having tea with the Queen.
- What are you doing here?
- Ma's car is blocking ours
and I think her
keys are in there.
Whoa!
Did you just trip me?
- Rhoda!
- Hey Rhoda, have you seen Jack?
- All I know is I've been alone
in that room, taking a nap.
- Everybody look!
- What?
- Look inside yourselves and ask
what are you
grateful for on this,
this holiest of days.
- Beernuts!
- Hello!
I've been outside for hours.
Rhoda, how was your nap?
- It was fine, Jack.
And how was your walk?
- Great!
And the nap?
- You asked me that already.
- I've been outside for hours.
- God, I can't
believe you people
started drinking without me.
- What happened to you?
You look like a haggard
old cave woman.
- Hey, watch the
tone with my old lady!
- I'm sure he meant
that meta-phallicaly.
- Dad, may I see
you in the kitchen?
- Sounds, great.
I'm famished after
all that walking.
Walking, yes.
- Dennis!
I wanna take a shower,
where'd you put my bag?
- In the closet.
What are you
doing in Jack's shirt?
- I just grabbed
it off the bedpost.
No peeking.
I'm not wearing any undies.
- Neither am I, but a
lot of good it's doing me.
- And this all just
looks delicious.
I'm very proud of you.
You've turned into
quite a young woman.
Alright, how much do you know?
- I walked in on you.
Ah.
- I saw things!
It's not right!
How could you prey on
that poor fragile woman?
- I didn't prey on anybody.
It was a crazy thing
that just happened.
It just happened.
I'm sorry I beheaded your monk.
- He was a saint.
- I'm sure he was.
Rhoda, we got off on
the wrong foot earlier
and that was my fault.
Can you forgive me?
It was somehow both
tender and savage.
- There aren't enough
days in the week
for the therapy
I'm going to need.
- Well, I guess, I'm
just gonna have to
make it very clear
to her that it's over.
- So, you're just going to
dump her, just like that?
- I think it's the best way.
- Dad, you don't
understand, she's
in a very vulnerable
place right now!
She is not a young woman!
- Well, I just can't
string her along.
- Oh you would if she
were young and hot.
- But she's not,
so she has to go.
- It's not that simple, Dad.
What about Elliot?
- Oh my god, Elliot.
- Yes, he thinks
of you as a father.
If he finds out you slept
with her he's gonna freak out!
- Well, Elliot's gonna
find out sooner or later.
- No he isn't because you
are not going to tell him.
Now!
I am late with the yams!
My rolls are cold!
And I am trying
to keep it together
so you just stay in here
and carve that damn bird.
Two minutes to
gobble, gobble time!
- Oh Dennis, I see you're
enjoying some of my scotch.
- Just couldn't keep it
in your pants could you?
- What?
- I know what you did.
I heard you and Maya talking.
- So, just keep your voice down.
- Why should I Jack, hello!?
I want the whole world to know
you tainted the woman I love.
- You love her?
- Oh yeah!
Oh yeah.
And I was gonna tell her
this weekend, but not now!
- Dennis, as hard as I try,
I just can't see
you two together.
- Oh, of course not,
because only the God Gallo
gets all the babes!
I'm gonna go
drinky a little bit.
And then we'll see what we see.
- What does that mean?
- I said we'll see what we see!
- Guys, sure, just one second.
- Dennis knows!
- What?
- And that's not even
the surprising part.
- Oh my god, what
if he tells Elliot?
- He could do it, he's
a mean little drunk.
- Alright, I'll have
to keep him quiet.
Finch!
My hands are full and I
need help with this button!
- Jack Gallo, shame on you!
I know everything
that's going on.
- Oh, no, you too?
- Yes.
And I just have this to say.
Anything that woman can
do, I can do better and faster.
I know what it takes
to please you, Jack.
- What?
- And you've never
seen me go all out.
- Nina, please!
- I promise, every
day you'll see
something new on your desk.
And if you think
that I'm slacking off,
then you can just
ride me harder.
- I can't say I'm
not flattered, but.
- Oh, Jack, Jack, please
just say you'll think about it.
I have years of experience.
- I think that's
common knowledge.
- Well, I sure hope so.
- Everybody check
your place cards.
- Now Nina knows.
- What?
- And for some reason it's
gotten her all charged up.
- Alright, I'll try to
keep my eye on her.
What are you waiting
for, Christmas!?
Carve the bird!
- Jack.
- Yes?
- Finch told me everything
and we need to talk.
Can you turn the knife off?
- Listen, Elliot,
I didn't plan it.
Please, forgive me.
- Look, look.
I don't know if this
is my place to say.
I think that you should
just let Finch have her.
- Really, Finch?
- Sure, sure, he's been
drooling over her for months.
And you know,
they're cute together.
- Elliot, I just
want you to know
that I treated her with respect.
- Really?
She strikes me as the kind
who really likes the rough stuff.
- Jack, we need to talk.
- Yes we do!
- What happened today, let's
just make it a one time thing.
- Really!?
- It's just that we're
both on the rebound.
- Yes, yes, rebound.
- No one need ever know.
- Actually, everyone knows.
- What?
Even Elliot?
- But don't worry
about it, he's fine with it.
Almost strangely so.
And by the way,
if I was too gentle
it was only because
of your knee.
- Wow, you can
really put it away.
I like that in a girl.
- Thanks.
- Rhoda, why don't you
sit here right next to Dennis.
The ball's in your court.
- What are you two doing?
- You don't have to whisper.
Elliot knows everything
and he's just fine.
- I'm not even sure why
you're even worried about me.
- Exactly.
Me and your mother
hook up, who cares!
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Wait, you had sex with
Rhoda and Colleen?
- I didn't have
sex with Colleen.
- You thought I
had sex with Jack?
What's the matter with you?
- What's that supposed to mean?
- It means you're
old and craggity.
- If you didn't
have sex with her,
then why did you
give her my job?
- I'm not giving
anyone your job!
- Then what am I
doing here with Slam?
- Have I said one
mean thing to you?
- Well, this has been good.
It's been a kind of
cleansing journey.
Hey, who's hungry?
Dad, will you get us the turkey?
- I'd be delighted.
- You touched my mommy!
Hey! She threw herself at me!
You dirty liar!
- You know what?
Next year you can all
go tofurkey yourselves.
♪ Life keeps
bringing me back to you
♪ Keeps me bringing me home
♪ It don't matter I wanna do
♪ Because it's
got a mind of its own
♪ Life keeps
bringing me back to you