Just Shoot Me! (1997–2003): Season 5, Episode 5 - Choosing to Be Super - full transcript

- Nina, I just finished looking
over your budget report.

- I have an excuse.

- It's outstanding.

- I want a raise.

- You got it.

You're the best
employee I've ever had.

- Kevin's coming,
Kevin's coming.

- That's odd.

- You'll need this.

- What the hell?

- I got you a pillow, Mr. Gallo.



- So I can rest?

- Yeah.

Forever.

Directory Assistance,
what city please?

- No city.

I thought we could just talk.

Maya, great job on the piece
about the women astronauts.

- See, real journalism has
a place in Blush Magazine.

- Yeah, but the
photos are all wrong.

You see, there's
no gravity in space.

Their skirts should
be way up in the air.

- Every day, in some little
way, I realize you're a genius.

- If I could just have two
minutes to explain why that is

degrading to women...
Phone, phone!



- Ah!

Yeah, uh-huh, uh, sure.

Maya, Alan Turkis is on
his way over to see you.

- Oh, my god.

- Ring any bells?

- He was one of
my closest friends.

Dad, you remember Alan?

- Oh, yeah, the deaf
kid with the hands.

Very distracting.

- What, no, Alan
was my dearest friend.

- Ah, and will we
be able to see him?

- I can't believe
it, I haven't heard

from him since graduation.

He must be in
town for the reunion.

- You never said
anything about a reunion.

- Yeah, that's
'cause I'm not going.

My senior year was
a complete nightmare.

- My senior year, I grew six
inches and lost 80 pounds.

- What were you before
that, a medicine ball?

- I was a complete outcast.

Other than Alan, I had nobody.

- I'd really rethink
this reunion thing.

Look how far you've come.

You're gorgeous,
you're successful.

Plus you might get
closure on some unresolved

emotional issues.

- Oh, you really wanna
wear your new suit, don't you?

- All that money, and it
just sits in the closet, Maya.

- Maya!

- Alan, oh, my God!

How are you?

- Oh, super, and you know why?

Because I choose to be.

It's so good to see you.

- Thanks, are you
here for the reunion?

- Yeah, they want me to
give one of my little pep talks.

- Wait a minute, aren't
you a motivational speaker?

- I don't motivate.

I illuminate.

I shine the light on
the you that's in you.

How you doin', Mr. Gallo?

- I read about you
in Business Week.

- Oh, Alan, that's terrific.

- Maybe you could speak
to my staff here at Blush.

- The only maybes I
know buzz around after Aril

and before June.

How about 3:00?

- Oh, sounds fine, let's do it.

- Alan, I'd like you
to meet Nina, Finch,

and Elliot, my boyfriend.

- Hi, nice to meet you.

- Oh, boyfriend.

- oh, I bet you two were
trouble with a capital T.

- There were quite a few teachers
who wanted to separate us.

- Whoop, nerd alert!

Whoop!

This is not a drill.

Whoop!

- You mock because
you have fear.

- Oh, that's true.

- You must get over your fear.

Over your fear.

I believe you can do it.

Do you?

- Yes, I believe!

- How'd that fish
get on the line?

All right, well,
how about lunch?

Downstairs, 1:00?

- Sounds great.

- Okay.

- See ya.

Oh!

- Sorry.

- Don't be sorry, be super.

- How?

- Just say what it is
you want, and then do it.

- I want to go over there.

- Then do it.

- Explain this idea again, Nina.

- It's very simple.

Furs are dead animals, right?

So why not show them being
modeled by women on death row?

- Can I think about
this for a while?

- Well, not too long.

There is a bit of
a ticking clock.

Jack, Kevin's got
a package for you.

I'm gonna send him in.

- No, no, um.

Can't you just
bring it in later?

It's big and shiny.

- I said I want you
to bring it in later.

It's too heavy.

- What?

It's too heavy.

It's too heavy, okay?

I can't lift it with my
little legs, are you happy?

- Just a second.

- Jack?

What's wrong?

- It's Kevin.

I, I know it sounds crazy,

but I've been having
these nightmares

where he hurts me.

- Listen, we all have
bad dreams about Kevin.

- We do?

- Of course.

- Where do you
want him to put it?

- Uh-oh.

Don't kill me, I'll
make you rich!

- Jack, what's going on?

- Oh, Dennis.

I've been having these
crazy dreams about Kevin.

He attacks me,
violently, out of nowhere.

It's terrible.

- That's a pretty weird dream.

- Oh, all kinds
of strange things.

Nina had good ideas.

You had a mustache.

- Whoa, whoa, had a mustache?

Buddy, I've been growing
this thing in since March.

- So, this whole motivational
speaking business,

how did it happen?

- I just decided it was
what I wanted to do.

- Yeah, but how did you first...

- I just did it.

- But what was the first step?

- Was doing it.

- It was that easy?

- Uh-huh, 'cause
I wanted it to be.

But I'm not just here
to talk about my career.

I want to find out
what's going on with you.

- Well, just between you and me,

I'm secretly writing a novel.

- But first, there's something
I want to talk to you about.

- Well, if it's about the reunion,
I have made up my mind.

- No, no, it's not about that.

God, I love water.

There is something that
you don't know about me.

I'm an alcoholic.

- Really?

- Mm-hmm, recovering,
three years sober.

But I was pretty bad off.

Since high school, in fact.

- I had no idea.

I just thought you
were a horrible dancer.

- Yeah, well anyway.

Part of my recovery is to
seek out people that I've

wronged and to apologize
to them so that they,

and I, can move on.

- Alan, are you seeking me out?

- Do you remember why you
were such an outcast senior year?

- Yeah, the whole
school thought that I ratted

on those kids who
cheated on their SATs.

- But you didn't.

- Of course not.

- But I told them you did.

- What?

- I know it was a horrible
thing to do, but I was drunk

and out of control.

- You were my best friend,
why would you do that?

- I don't think you're
understanding what a drunk I was.

I mean, a bottle of gin a day.

What was I doing to myself?

- People threatened me.

I had to give my graduation
speech behind chicken wire.

- I know, I know.

But I've forgiven myself.

Now, how about you?

- I will never forgive you!

Never!

Never, ever, I hate you!

- Maya, come on.

- I can't believe I
used to watch Dynasty

over the phone with you.

- I don't even remember that.

- What really burns
me up is that I was just

starting to come
out of my shell.

I had a column in the newspaper.

People were talking about
a run for class treasurer.

And he robbed me of all that.

And now because he was an
alcoholic, I have to forgive him?

- The important thing is
you turned out all right.

I mean, what I
mean is, in the end,

everything is okay.

It was horrible, and it
continues to be horrible.

- Ladies and gentlemen,
Mr. Jack Gallo.

- Ladies and gentlemen,
Mr. Alan Turkis.

- Choose!

To!

Be!

Super!

Choose!

To!

Be!

Super!

Check!

It!

Out!

- He might be drinking again.

- He's right, we
can be the best!

All I'm saying is just because
the man is a stinking drunk

doesn't mean that
we can't be affected by

the power of his words.

- Or the whiteness
of his thighs.

- How could you make
fun of someone who so

clearly has a problem?

- I'm the bad guy?

I'm the one what wedged
him back into his pants.

- I can't help but think
that this is partially my fault.

- Oh, don't be silly.

It's entirely your fault.

- What?

- Well, you
wouldn't forgive him,

and so he started
drinking again.

This will haunt you
for a long, long time,

after which you may go insane.

- So iS Drinky McGlug Glug
still stinking up my office?

- Yeah.

You know, it's funny.

You can take two little kids,
their whole lives ahead of

them, and you can never tell
who's gonna end up a booze

hound and who's gonna end
up with an amazing new suit.

- Hey.

- Holy crap!

- Jack, take it easy.

- You take it easy.

Dennis.

I want you to take this
watch and plant it in Kevin's

backpack and
then call the police.

- Jack, this Kevin
thing's gone too far.

- What Kevin thing?

- Jack's been having nightmares
about Kevin hurting him,

and now he's afraid.

- Dennis, I didn't
want anyone to know.

- Oh come on, Jack, it's okay.

Nothing's more embarrassing
than your wife leaving you.

- Thank you.

- This guy doesn't have
a mean bone in his body.

- He's strange.

He stares at me,
and he never blinks,

and he's always lurking around,

and he's saying bizarre things.

And I saw him eat a hot
dog, and he did not chew it.

- Jack, if you,

all right, the hot dog
thing, I don't know.

I've seen it, too, it's weird.

But if you just take time
to get to know the guy,

you'd see there's
nothing to be afraid of.

- Although don't get in his van.

That's just asking for trouble.

- How are you feeling?

- Super.

So, is everybody real
pumped up after my speech?

- We have to talk.

- Oh, they noticed.

I knew it.

Oh, why can't I stop
sucking for even one second?

- Listen, I made a
big mistake before.

I should've forgiven you.

I was wrong.

- I don't deserve forgiveness.

- Look at lunch, I just
reacted in the moment.

And, I've had a
chance to think about it.

It was 15 years ago.

- You mean that?

- I do.

- Oh, Maya, thank you.

- So, are you gonna be okay?

- Yeah, after I make
up for what I did to you.

- No, Alan, that's not
what I'm talking about.

That's not what
forgiveness is about.

- I am going to
go to that reunion.

I am going to tell those
people that I lied about you.

- That would be awesome.

- And you're gonna come with me.

- What, no, no.

I don't wanna see those people.

- No, but see, after I
set the record straight,

they won't be those people,
they'll be your friends.

So what do you say?

- I don't know.

- Look, if I can show
my face outside this door,

you can show your
face at that reunion.

Shh, everybody,
the drunk's awake.

- So what time folks
go home around here?

- I can't believe I'm here.

- I can't believe this is wool.

It's lighter than air.

- Hello, name, please.

- Maya Gallo.

- Oh, of course, welcome back.

- Thank you.

- Let's see.

Ah, here it is.

Under R, for rat.

- Thank you.

Okay, I'm gonna go
in there, look for Alan,

and I'll meet you inside.

- Okay.

- So how are you doin'?

- How's it look like I'm doin'?

- The beaming baby
bounces briefly on the big boat.

- Surprise.

- Maya, I knew you'd make it.

I got my speech all ready.

I think you'll be very pleased.

- Alan, this means
so much to me.

Do you think they'll send
me another yearbook

without all the profanity?

- I'll check into it.

- This has gotta be pretty
rough on you, going out there

and taking all the
blame for everything.

- I don't care what
other people think.

I only care what you think.

- Oh.

- And that you're happy.

- Oh.

- And that you know
that I'm in love with you.

- Oh, what?

- Maya, I've loved
you since high school.

It's why I ruined your life
and made you an outcast.

- You love me?

- I figured that if I could be
there for you when everything

came crumbling down,
that you'd realize that

you love me, too.

- This is crazy.

Why didn't you just ask me out?

- Well, sure, it
seems simple now.

- I don't believe this.

- Look, you've seen
me at my worst.

It only gets better from here.

Come on, what do you say?

Do you love me, too?

- No.

- Take some time.

- Alan, I have a boyfriend.

- Elliot?

- Look, Alan, we are
not going to be together.

- I'll start drinking again.

- Alan.

- Forget that,
no, I'm over that.

I'm over that.

- Why don't we just
concentrate on being friends?

- Friends, and then who knows.

- Just friends.

- Friends, with potential.

- Friends.

- Friends.

- Friends.

- All right friends, I got ya.

- Okay, so are we good?

- Yeah, we're good.

- Oh.

- Okay, well, tell you
what, I'm gonna go out there

and rewrite some history.

You wait here until I
call your name, okay?

- Okay, I'll be here.

- Everybody.

Everybody.

I think you know
me, I'm Alan Turkis.

Super, super.

But enough about me.

I wanna talk about someone else,

someone you only think you know.

I'm talking about Maya Gallo.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

You know, just this afternoon,
she wasn't even sure that

she'd attend this reunion,
and I can't say that I blame her.

She was afraid that
you wouldn't accept her.

And why?

Because she's not the
rat that you remember.

Not now.

Now, she's a prostitute.

That's right.

A whore, a hooker,
call it what you will,

she has sex for money.

Oh, and not the high-class
hooker glamorized

by television movies.

Pleasuring truckers while
they eat their cheeseburgers.

But she doesn't want
our pity, so let's honor her

by making this the
best reunion ever.

Woodbridge high, let's get wild!

- Elliot'll find me.

Oh super.

- Hello, Kevin.

Why did you stop?

- Let's get this over with!

- Wake up, Jack.

Wake up.

- Are you mad at me?

'Cause I'm sorry if I did
something wrong or weird.

It's just that I'm a
little scared of you.

- You're scared of me?

- Yeah, you're my boss,
and I get all nervous

and well you've seen me.

Oh boy.

- Kevin, are you crying?

No.

- Look, sometimes
people are just

uncomfortable around each other.

Who knows why.

It's a mystery.

- Indeed.

But now that it's
out in the open,

maybe we can move
past it and become friends.

- You mean it?

- Sure I do.

I just want you
to be comfortable.

- Comfortable.

- Comfortable.

- Salty.

♪ Life keeps
bringing me back to you

♪ Keeps bringing me home

♪ It don't matter
what I wanna do 'cause

♪ It's got a mind of its own

♪ Life keeps
bringing me back to you