Joe vs. Carole (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 4 - A Gun-Toting, Animal-Loving, Mullet-Wearing Motherf**king Star - full transcript
[T. Rex's "Telegram Sam"]
[upbeat rock music]
♪ ♪
♪ Oh, yeah! ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Telegram Sam, Telegram Sam ♪
♪ You are my main man ♪
♪ ♪
Hey, you got any
sirloin in there?
Uh, hot dogs,
kielbasa... oh, bingo.
Sirloin. It's only
five days expired.
- Pick your poison.
- Yeah, I'm okay.
Ha, I'm kiddin'!
This is the same shit
people pay good money for.
As long as you cook it,
it won't send you
to the hospital.
The hell's going on around here?
- Relax, Joe.
- I saved you the flank.
Put that shit back.
You know we're
tightening our belts.
All this meat goes to the cats.
- C'mon, dude.
- What about us, man?
You wanna bitch
about it, call HR.
Ask for Mr. I-Don't-Give-A-Fuck.
Damn, Joe, a little
harsh, don't you think?
I will ease up
once Carole Baskin gets
off my goddamn ass.
The longer I gotta pay my
lawyers to fend her off,
the longer we go hungry.
You heard the man.
Meat's for the cats.
I gave this place a facelift,
and I'm not gonna screw it up
by showin' off a bunch
of skinny-ass tigers.
Nobody wants to see that.
You know, zoo looks great,
but when are people
gonna show up?
It's like we pulled
up our skirt,
but nobody wants
to sniff our pussy.
Well, I got a plan to get
the word out about our pussy.
Wait, did you buy the
billboards on the interstate?
I can't afford billboards,
but you know what's free?
The internet.
You already posted
on the internet.
- No shit, Crystal.
- This is Amber.
The hell happened to Crystal?
- She's gone back to rehab.
- For what?
You know Crystal ain't
her real name, right?
Well, we're done posting
amateur shit online.
It's time to go pro.
How?
I'm gonna put an
ad on Craigslist.
[lively rock music]
[cellphone rings]
[cellphone beeps]
Who's this?
Rick Kirkham?
Yeah?
It's Joe Exotic.
Did you really work
on "Inside Edition"?
Sure did.
Hell of a show.
Great memories. [Stammers]
Who is this again?
Joe Exotic from the GW Zoo.
You answered my Craigslist
ad lookin' for a producer.
I was hoping you could come
down to the park this week.
I got a great
opportunity for ya.
I'll have to check my schedule.
♪ ♪
Good news, I'm free.
[frantic percussive music]
[tiger roars]
Good afternoon.
I am so excited to be taking you
on a tour of this very
special sanctuary.
We call it that because
that's what we endeavor
to create here for our cats,
who come from troubled homes.
Now, I know what
you're thinking.
"Who the heck is
this insane cat lady?
She doesn't know
anything about me."
Well, in fact, I do.
I know that you
all come from homes
that didn't feel
like a sanctuary,
and there is a reason that
the Tampa Youth Center
brought you here,
and it ain't just the
cats, spoiler alert,
because guess who else
happened to leave
home as a teenager?
It was me.
I guess I was what you
would call an "at-risk teen"
until my life changed
and I met a man who...
Is capable of love.
And he taught me about
healthy intimacy.
Healthy emotional intimacy.
Healthy sexual intimacy.
Take my word for it,
when you feel like the
world doesn't love you,
find something to love.
That's what I did.
I found the animals
at this sanctuary.
I went on a tangent. Who
wants to see some cats?
[all cheering] Yeah? Okay.
Finally.
That got heavy. Let's go.
[soothing classical music]
♪ ♪
How was the tour?
I think I really inspired them.
[chuckles] I'm sure you did.
I'm sure you did.
Is that Chanel No.5?
Wow, someone's got
a good sniffer.
Well, you are not
the first maiden
I have courted, milady.
You are not the first
knight I have ridden
to the holy land, my friend.
[both laugh]
Yeah, Sasha goes into heat
when this little guy shows up
covered in Eau de Parfum.
Well, Sasha has
expensive tastes.
There's nothing too
good for my cats.
Speaking of, will you get me
the Estée Lauder
Pleasures, please?
- Yes, with pleasure, my dear.
- For Tony.
And, um,
the Yves Saint Laurent Black
Opium while you're at it.
Uh, I got a call from
Representative Hughes' office.
I'm afraid the meeting
has been put on hold.
Oh. Why?
They didn't go into the
why, but I have a feeling
it has to do with the garbage
that Joe's been putting online.
You're effing kidding me.
Got that call from the
"Tribune" last week.
Jesus Christ.
The accusations have
clearly been getting
more and more attention.
They're gonna reschedule, right?
Well, my guess is, not
until the story dies down.
Maybe I should
call the "Tribune"
and sit down with them.
What, an interview?
Yeah.
I mean, we can't get
traction on our Big Cat Bill
until we get a
congressperson to sponsor it,
so it could be an opportunity
to tell the reporter
what the real story
is, which is our bill
to save big cats.
Are you sure you
want to engage them?
What, you think I
can't be charming?
Well you charmed the
pants off me... literally.
[giggles]
- Excuse me.
- Sup?
Looking for Joe.
His office is at the
back of the gift shop.
Thank you.
[crickets chirping]
[mysterious string music]
Holy shit.
♪ ♪
[music slows to a stop]
[laughing]
Rick.
I heard you got
yourself a zoo baptism.
[chuckles] Well
guess I got a little
too close to the tiger.
Well, you really get too close,
they'll be doing more
than pissin' on you.
Now, I want you
to help yourself to
anything you want.
Everything's brand-new.
We got lotions, we
got bobbleheads,
we got rubbers.
Here, take this.
Though judging by your mug,
you ain't gonna need
them anytime soon.
I'm kiddin'. We have
a good time here!
Long as you don't mind gettin'
pissed on now and then.
I've been in the TV business
for almost three decades.
It would take a
hell of a lot more
than tiger piss to spook me.
Is it true you
interviewed Chuck Norris?
Yeah, we landed him
on "Inside Edition."
Tell me, is he one of
them actors that's...
That's midget-sized when
you see 'em up close?
No, he's a regular-sized man.
What's Bill O'Reilly like?
He's a piece of
excrement in human form.
- [laughs]
- So that's why you left?
No, there was a problem
with a story I did
on a crack cocaine bust.
What kind of problem?
I smoked all the crack.
And then I got my hands on
more and I smoked that, too.
I'm pretty open about it.
Actually won an award.
You won an award
for smoking crack?
No, for a documentary about it.
I haven't touched
the stuff in years.
I'm clean as a whistle
and excited about
helping you out.
Well, as you can see,
we run a very professional
operation here.
I'll need an advance of
about six weeks up front.
Sure, as long as you're
the best man for the job.
So you want to make a show?
Yeah, for my YouTube channel.
You know, I got 100 subscribers.
But I really want 100,000.
You know, go viral.
Because when people know
how great it is here,
GW Zoo becomes a
go-to destination.
Then I can forget
about all the damage
Carole fuckin' Baskin's done.
Who?
Some nasty bitch who's
got it in for me.
But don't worry, I'm
hittin' back at her.
Uh, the ad said the job comes
with accommodations provided?
- Only the best.
- You have equipment?
We can get anything you need.
And the advance?
Sure, I can get that.
Well, then, I'm
ready to roll, Joe.
One last thing.
I couldn't help but notice
it's been a while
since your last job.
Be honest, you still got it?
Let me ask you something.
You got a gorilla at this zoo?
No.
Well, congratulations.
'Cause you just got
yourself an 800-pound one.
Rick, I like your style.
Can you close that behind you?
- Oh, yeah.
- Thank you.
Hey, John.
Yeah?
Give me some of that sugar.
- You had a good day?
- Yeah, I'm good. You?
- Good, yeah.
- Can you show Rick to his digs?
He's gonna be working
with us at the zoo.
Sure.
You ready?
Uh, yeah, I'll get my
stuff from the car.
- Okay.
- Have a good night.
[sultry techno music]
♪ ♪
You must be a big deal
for Joe to give you
the best trailer.
I'll see you later.
Sweet dreams.
[door slams]
Jesus Christ.
♪ ♪
[music swells]
♪ ♪
Did you move Rick in?
Yep.
Was he happy with the trailer?
He didn't say he wasn't.
Damn, it's late.
I need some shut-eye.
Hey.
- Sup?
- Sup?
♪ ♪
G'night, boys.
- Night.
- Night.
[growls] Oh, shit!
[growls]
[mutters indistinctly]
Hey. Shit. Sorry, dude.
I wasn't... I didn't feed em'.
I was just looking at em.
Whatever, man.
Hey, you wanna, uh,
you wanna smoke this joint?
I'm good.
Yeah.
Hey, I saved some
of the Lucky Charms
in case, like, you wanted any.
[chuckles]
You didn't have to do that.
I know. It's just, like...
It's your place, you know?
Well
it's your place now too, sorta.
Yeah, but...
You were here first,
so... [chuckles]
What?
Don't get all twisted about it.
I told Joe if he
wants to fuck you,
I'm okay with that.
Whatever makes Joe
happy, you know?
Yeah.
It's just, like... It's
a little weird, right?
Yeah, it's a little weird.
- [laughs]
- It's definitely a first for me.
With Joe...
You learn pretty quick
that what's weird out there
ain't so weird in here.
- Oh, my God.
- Okay, so this is Cat Stevens.
He's got biceps
tendinitis pretty bad
but luckily, the laser
therapy is helping, you know?
You give the tiger
laser therapy?
Well, yes.
When you have a laser
therapy machine,
you might as well use it.
[both laugh]
And they deserve it
because they've
been through a lot.
Can you believe there
are people out there
who want to hurt these
majestic animals?
Ugh.
Did you get the binder
from Valerie Davis
about big cat abuse in America?
I did, yeah. Thank you.
If you want, I can give you
the highlights for your article.
- Or the lowlights.
- [laughs]
That's okay.
I'd actually like
to ask about you.
Well, I began my
sanctuary from nothing,
and now we have a
four-star rating
from Charity Navigator, which
is their highest rating.
I'll wait if you want
to write that down.
- Oh, it's okay.
- I meant you personally.
Can you tell me a little
about your relationship
with your ex-husband, Don Lewis?
Well, he and I
were still married
when he disappeared, so
technically, I'm his widow.
How do you feel about
the rumors that you had
something to do with
his disappearance?
I think they are
bizarre and hilarious
and I don't understand them
because there were never
any charges filed, so.
Should we get in the car and
go down to the sanctuary?
'Cause I really wanna
introduce you to Cat in person.
Ms. Baskin,
why do you think this story
has generated so much interest?
I don't pay attention to
what people say about me,
and it was a very long time ago,
so that's suspect.
You know, why now?
Well, we were turned
on to the story
by a citizen in Oklahoma.
[breathes deeply]
Okay, Gigi, the only news here
is that you are being fed
unsubstantiated gossip
by a documented animal
abuser named Joe Exotic.
Actually, I've learned
some new information.
You're familiar
with Anne McQueen?
I am, yes.
That's Don's personal secretary.
Well, she's prepared to
share a letter you wrote her.
She read me a portion of it.
Okay. Good.
"Perhaps I asked for too much,
"but I had to get
out of my marriage
and would have eventually
killed my husband to do it."
Mm-hmm.
Would you care to comment?
Um... hmm.
Why don't we kick this
off with you telling us
in your own words what
makes this zoo so special.
Damn, I feel like Johnny Carson
if he was a gay redneck.
[laughs]
And we're rollin'!
Whenever you're ready, Joe.
Folks, the all-new
GW Zoo is great
for kids and grown-ups alike.
We got over 200 big cats.
We got bears. We got snakes.
You name it, we got it.
We're the number one
animal park in the region,
and that includes every
zoo or "sanctuary,"
which is really just
a fancy word for zoo,
even though Carole Baskin thinks
she's better than
everybody else,
when she's really just
a fuckin' dragon lady...
You know, you can trust me
over that lyin' bitch any day
'cause I did not
stash my dead husband
under my septic tank.
- Let's stop there.
- You're doing great, Joe.
[laughs]
How 'bout we focus more
on what makes this park
so much fun, yeah?
- You got it.
- Good, good.
And we're rolling.
We got the most
beautiful animals
at the GW Zoo,
and here, you can just
come up and pet 'em.
We call that showin' them love,
not abuse like Carole
fuckin' Baskin says.
You wanna know about abuse?
Think about Carole's
poor husband
having to fuck that
ugly ass every night.
I think the dead husband got
a better deal, don't you?
Cut!
You're on fire, baby!
Whoo! Whoo!
Let's try to leave
Carole out of it.
All right, we can try that.
What about when you
first started the zoo?
I'd love to hear
what it was like
getting a park like this going
in the middle of nowhere.
[Eddie Rabbitt's
"Driving My Life Away"]
♪ Well, the midnight headlight ♪
♪ Blind you on a rainy night ♪
♪ Steep grade up ahead ♪
♪ Slow me down, makin' no time ♪
What'd you bring home for me?
Bengal tiger, about
three years old.
Gotta admit,
that's not the anniversary
present I was expecting.
I know.
The cops didn't know
what to do with it.
They found the
owner in the house.
Must've been dead
about two weeks.
Can you imagine?
Tiger chained up
in the backyard,
hungry, for two weeks?
- Is he okay?
- Yeah, he will be.
He's sedated now.
Just wanna move him
before he wakes up.
Do your thing.
We'll celebrate
when you're done.
[taps car]
[soft string music]
♪ ♪
Hey, baby.
Well, hey there.
Hi.
Here.
[sniffs] Wow.
You smell fantastic.
I'll take a shower.
No, no, no I'm into the whole
musky sewer thing
you got goin' on.
Oh, champagne? Shit.
I knew what I was getting into
when I married you.
[groans]
- Oh, man.
- You want dinner?
- Ah, fuck it.
- Let's go straight to cake.
[laughs] All right.
- It's all warm now.
- Oh, well.
- But it's good shit.
- You got the brut.
♪ ♪
"Happy birthday, Joe"?
Yeah, the bakery said
they made a mistake.
Would it kill them to just
write in "anniversary"?
I was just happy
to get out of there
before they started
quoting the Bible at me.
[scoffs]
I'll get plates.
[Vern Gosdin's "Do You
Believe Me Now" plays]
Ah, shit.
You didn't just do that to me.
♪ ♪
♪ Don't you think you
should have called ♪
Get your ass over here.
[laughs]
Oh, okay. All right.
♪ Oh, you look so out of place ♪
See they passed
the law in Vermont?
It's not like they
legalized gay marriage, but
some places that
are more hospitable.
Yeah, but who the fuck
wants to live in Vermont?
Well
we might be old and gray
before the state of Oklahoma
considers what we got real.
"Old and gray"?
This fine-ass face is gonna get
every nip and tuck on the menu.
I'm gonna keep it
tight for my man.
♪ ♪
Happy anniversary, baby.
♪ ♪
♪ I told you time
and time again ♪
♪ ♪
♪ My heart and soul
is in your hands ♪
♪ Do you believe me now? ♪
♪ Do you believe me now? ♪
♪ ♪
Hello, Anne McQueen.
Anne, why did you talk
about me to a reporter?
Because she asked.
Anne, the letter I
sent you was personal.
That wasn't meant
for anyone but you.
You wrote the words, didn't you?
Yes, I wrote them
about my first husband,
not about Don.
What's the difference?
You said you wanted to kill him.
I didn't say I
wanted to kill him.
I said I would kill
him if I had to.
In self-defense.
And now they're twisting it,
and they're making it
seem like I killed Don
which I did not.
I can't even believe
you're here right now.
Do you know how crazy this is?
Look, I know that you hate me,
for whatever reason,
but do you know
who is behind this
hit piece on me?
It's an animal abuser
named Joe Exotic.
And if you give the
newspaper ammunition,
you're just helping him
and you're hurting
the cats, Anne.
Who cares?
[scoffs] Oh, my God...
She doesn't even
care about the cats.
[chuckles]
This lady doesn't even
care about the cats!
Enough with the cats, Carole.
Jesus.
I've got a roast in the oven.
[ominous music]
[whispers] Hey.
Retract what you said
about me to the reporter.
Are you serious right now?
Anne, I'm a good person.
I'm a nice person.
I try my best.
Why... why are you
doing this to me?
Because I think you know more
about Don's disappearance
than you're saying.
Well, I already filed a
lawsuit against Joe Exotic,
and it's no skin off my
back to sue you, too.
So just know what
you're stepping into.
Move your foot.
Careful with that.
- I ain't gonna blow us up.
- Whoa.
I can do this with
my eyes closed.
You want me to?
- No.
- [laughs, coughs]
No, I do not.
It was cool to hear
about the early days.
Yeah?
When you were just
starting out here.
I didn't... I didn't even
know that you had a husband.
Oh, yeah. Almost 12 years.
Wow. What happened to him?
Oh, he died.
- How?
- Oh, he was sick.
You know, a lot of my
friends back then got sick.
Did you get sick?
No, I don't know
why, but I never did.
That must've been really,
really, really hard.
Losing him.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
But you know, at the end,
I didn't want him to die
at the hospital, so I...
I loaded him up on
the truck and...
- He's so light.
- Yeah.
I looked over at him, and
he looked back at me...
Like he wanted to make
sure I was gonna be okay.
And I guess when
he was sure, he, uh
just kinda let go.
'Cause he...
He really loved me.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
[chuckles] Yeah.
I mean
no, not really.
[soft music]
What you mean?
You ain't never been loved?
[chuckles]
I mean, like,
I've had people tell me
that they loved me before,
but if what they did
to me was out of love,
then, uh, I don't want that.
Sure as hell don't
want that. [chuckles]
They hurt you?
We moved around a
lot when I was a kid.
And, uh, you know, we'd, like,
crash at shelters
and friends' places and shit.
And...
Shit happens, you know?
I don't really... I, like,
hate thinking about it
because it would make...
[breathing shakily]
You wanna blow some shit up?
What?
You wanna blow some shit up?
You wanna blow some...
Some of those fuckers up?
Yeah.
- All right.
- [ammo clattering]
Yeah. Yeah?
Fuck 'em up.
- You ready?
- Yeah.
Okay, let's do it.
[breathing deeply]
- Squeeze it.
- There we go.
And breathe as you squeeze.
[gunshot]
[both cheering]
♪ I know it isn't true ♪
♪ Love is just a lie ♪
♪ Made to make you blue ♪
[muffled laughter]
♪ Love hurts ♪
[The Everly Brothers'
"Love Hurts"]
♪ Love hurts ♪
[upbeat rock music]
[door clicks]
Hey, counselor.
If you came to eat pussy,
sorry to say we only
let you feed 'em here.
[snorts]
What's got your
panties in a pucker?
Your countersuit against
the Baskins was dismissed.
What?
Why?
Well, might have something to do
with the fact that your
lawsuit was baseless
and had no legal
merit whatsoever,
but that's just a guess.
Sounds like the judge just
declared you a shitty lawyer.
I'm shitty at many things, Joe.
Dancing, parenting, not smoking.
But the law?
It's the one thing
I'm very good at.
And I got news for you.
Next thing that's
gonna happen is,
the Baskins are gonna
win this suit against you
because they've got
a great fucking case.
Now, if you wanna fight
it, I will take your money.
But no matter how you play it,
it's gonna end with you
owing them a million dollars.
[scoffs]
Joke's on them. I ain't got it.
Well, they'll come
for your assets.
That means the zoo.
Carole Baskin will take
everything that belongs to you.
What if the zoo
don't belong to me?
[The Jon Spencer Blues
Explosion's "Bellbottoms"]
[dramatic rock music]
Hey, Ma, been too long.
How about dinner tonight?
Just you and me.
[grunts]
I gave that lady a two hour tour
of the sanctuary,
and there's not
one quote in there
about the cats!
It's all about Don.
"No comment" is not an evasion.
You didn't dodge her question.
You simply chose not to
dignify it with an answer.
That's what I'm saying.
I mean, with
journalism like that,
they might as well rename
themselves "The Enquirer."
What's next, Ellen and Portia
are having threesomes
with aliens?
Ha. You know what we're doing?
I'm going to cancel
our subscription.
Howard, no, you love their
arts and leisure section.
That's not fair.
God, I am so angry.
You know what I'm gonna do?
[panting] What?
I'm gonna write a
letter to the ed...
I'm gonna write
a strongly-worded
letter to the editor.
I love when you get all
riled up on my behalf.
Want me to call Sidney?
Uh, no.
No lawyers.
Except maybe for Anne McQueen.
No, scratch that.
That's exactly what Joe wants.
He wants this story
to go on and on
so people keep talking about it.
'Cause he knows we're winning.
That's the only way
he can get to us.
All right, all right.
What should we do?
We will do what
you do to a child
who is having a tantrum.
You ignore him.
We will put this article
out of our minds.
That's what I'm gonna do.
All right.
That would've been one hell
of a letter to the editor.
And...
[energetic synth pop music]
Hey, Rick!
We're ready to roll!
The hell is that?
It's Carole Baskin!
We're gonna have some fun today.
[screaming] [tiger growling]
[foreboding music]
Code red!
Code red, Tiger Alley!
♪ ♪
[crowd screaming]
♪ ♪
[screaming]
Christ.
Saff just put his fucking
arm in the feeding cage, man.
Raja got a hold of it.
[labored breathing]
- You'll be okay. Okay?
- [Saff groans]
It's okay, Saff.
You... you okay?
Yeah, we gotta
stop the bleeding.
Okay, you call... call 911.
Okay, okay.
[panting]
♪ ♪
Get in there.
Clean shot, but whatever you do,
don't turn off the
fucking camera.
♪ ♪
Okay. Saff, look at me. Okay?
All right, it's gonna hurt.
Okay, just look at me.
Ready? Okay. One, two...
- Three.
- [screaming]
How long you gonna stand there?
What am I supposed to say?
Hmm?
"Maybe the docs
will save your arm"?
Shit, I can't even
look Saff in the eye.
All right.
I got this.
Look, I've been there.
I know what Saff's going through
and I know what he
needs right now.
What?
The truth.
Fuck.
Hey.
You okay?
No, I'm not fuckin' okay,
- I want some fuckin' Funyuns!
- Hey, hey, hey, hey.
I don't wanna talk right now.
[apprehensive music]
♪ ♪
How's Saff?
Not good.
How are you doing?
♪ ♪
Hey.
Hey, get out of the rain.
You're gonna catch a cold, Joe.
Hey, it's okay.
Travis, it was horrible.
All that blood and...
I could see the
bone sticking out.
- Let's get you home, okay?
- No.
- C'mon, let's get you home.
- No.
- There's nothing you can do.
- No, I hate hospitals.
I hate hospitals, Travis,
but I hate comin' home
from a hospital more.
[sorrowful music]
[door slams]
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
[sobbing]
♪ ♪
♪ We've fought too long ♪
♪ Don't know me ♪
♪ I was shakin',
ain't got nobody ♪
[muffled] Mr. Schreibvogel?
[normal] Mr. Schreibvogel?
I've been trying to
get in touch with you.
I'm doing a magic
show next month.
I want to add an exotic animal.
Would you consider
performing with me?
[pensive music]
♪ ♪
That's a lot of people.
- Ah, don't worry.
- They'll love you.
So what's your name gonna be?
Schreibvogel's a real mouthful.
Mine was too.
That's why I changed it
to Johnny Magic.
[both laugh]
Wait, you're not gonna
wear that, are you?
[drumroll]
[cymbals crash]
[audience murmuring]
♪ ♪
Hi, folks.
My name is Joe Exotic.
[scattered laughter]
Who wants to see me make a
tiger appear out of thin air?
[cheers and applause]
[Tom Jones' "I'm Alive"]
♪ I'm alive! ♪
♪ And I see things mighty
clear today, I'm alive! ♪
[energetic rock music]
♪ Baby, baby, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ I'm alive! ♪
My love, I'm at the store.
I can only get the protein
bars with the nuts.
Is that okay?
Yeah, that's great.
- Okay.
- Listen.
I got some news
about the lawsuit.
Okay.
[sighs]
Joe gave up for the
whole million dollars.
Howard!
I know, I know, it sounds great,
but before you get
excited, there's a catch.
Okay.
He transferred the zoo
to his mother's name.
What does that mean?
Well, it's clearly fraud.
I don't think it'll stand up,
but it's gonna take a while
for the court to investigate it.
A while?
- Mm-hmm.
- Oh, my God.
This man is like a cockroach.
You think you've
stomped him out,
but he just keeps on breeding.
[sighs] I'm so sorry.
I wish I had better news.
I love you, honey. I gotta go.
Bye.
[bright muzak playing]
♪ ♪
[inaudible]
Oh.
Sorry. Sorry. I
was gonna get that.
That's my husband's favorite.
You took the last one.
Sorry.
I was here first.
I think I was here first,
so I just was gonna...
Then why am I holding
the vegan ravioli
and you're not?
Can I please have it?
Okay. Okay.
You won. [Laughs]
Are you...
Are you crazy?
[exhales]
Here, take my
husband's protein bars
while you're at it.
Steal a man's pasta.
Steal a good man's pasta!
[crickets chirping]
Hey, where are you goin'?
I gotta tell you
everywhere I go?
The hell's that mean?
Hey. Hey!
Come on, I just
wanna crawl in bed
and forget this fuckin'
day ever happened.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
You sure you want
me in that bed?
John.
Saff's about to lose his arm.
The zoo's on life support.
I've had enough drama
for one day, okay?
Okay.
Okay.
You don't give a fuck
about how I feel.
Got it.
What are you talkin' about?
- This ain't about you!
- No.
It's not fuckin'
about me, is it?
Everything is about
what you want!
- We all had a long day...
- Hey!
- Shut the fuck up!
- Hey!
He did not fuck with you!
Hey!
[tense music]
[breathing heavily]
[whispering] John.
What're you doin'?
You did this.
[panting]
♪ ♪
[door clicks]
Hey, Joe.
I know today was rough.
Press is all over me.
Phone won't stop ringin'.
They all wanna talk
about what happened,
how the zoo is unsafe.
This is one of the
worst days of my life.
And believe me,
I've had some doozies.
Well, I'm about to cheer you up.
The footage from today
is incredible.
I mean, like nothing
I've ever seen.
Look at this.
I don't wanna see
anything about today.
Joe.
Just watch.
You'll see.
[groaning] [crowd screaming]
Look at that shot!
Networks spend
months in war zones
lookin' for footage like that.
What's your point?
Joe, I can sell this.
This is a show.
Are you back on the crack pipe?
Your life is a show.
Not just today,
everything that
happens at this park.
Everyone.
You, John, and Travis.
We gotta film that!
There's drama there. It's gold!
Rick, there ain't no more park.
Nobody wants to
come here anymore.
You don't get it.
Once I get this on national TV,
you won't be able to
sell tickets fast enough.
You're gonna have
to turn people away!
Are you shitting me?
I'm telling you!
I have the connections,
you have the story.
America is gonna love you.
♪ ♪
Joe, I'm gonna make you a
gun-toting, animal-loving,
mullet-wearing,
motherfuckin' star.
[Beethoven's "Ode to Joy"]
[camera shutters flashing]
♪ ♪
Well, I gotta say,
that's the first
time I've ever heard
of anyone being banned
from the supermarket.
It's not banned.
Security asked me to leave.
- Forever.
- Mm.
Was it like a scene from "Cops"?
We all lose our cool sometimes.
There was a couple staring
at me and whispering.
Like I didn't already know
what they were saying.
You've been recognized before.
Mm-hmm, for being
an animal activist.
Not some sort of
female Jeffrey Dahmer.
Nobody thinks of you like that.
This Don story is
not going away,
no matter how much
I pray it will.
It might if you weren't
a public figure.
[contemplative music]
Maybe it's time we
face the reality
that as long as you're the
face of big cat activism,
you're gonna be a target.
But if I stop, Joe wins.
All of... they all win.
Well, if you stay the course,
people will keep
digging and digging
into your personal life.
They'll never stop.
Is that what you want?
You have to ask
yourself, is it worth it?
♪ ♪
Hey, all you cool
cats and kittens.
It's Carole Baskin
at Big Cat Rescue.
I have gotten some
attention recently,
not of my choosing.
You may have noticed that
there are some people out there
who are attacking me
and dragging my
name through the mud
in an attempt to stop the
work that I've been doing.
And if you're wondering
whether these attacks
will cause me to pull
back, the answer is simple.
I will never stop.
I will never stop.
But I would like to
set the record straight
so that we can focus on
what's really important,
which is getting Congress
to pass legislation
to end big cat abuse
in the United States
for once and for all.
So to that end, I say,
I have never hurt anyone,
including my former husband.
Even though he did hurt me.
I have had some very painful
experiences in my life.
And throughout it all,
I have actually kept a journal,
which has been very helpful
and which I would like to share
portions of with you now.
If you want to know about me,
buckle up and get comfortable,
because I have nothing to hide.
Okay.
[hopeful music]
I was born on June 6, 1961.
My parents had met a
year or two before.
My mother had invited my dad
out on a Sadie Hawkins Day,
since he was too shy
to make the first move.
Believe it or not, my
first cat was a tabby
called Tiger.
I forget if it was me
who gave her the name
or if it was one of my
parents, but either way,
this was an extraordinary
bit of foreshadowing.
Why'd you bring me here, Joe?
To tell you the news.
Things are gonna
change around here.
Our problems are going away.
Yeah?
How's that?
A little something called
the magic of television.
[tense music]
But here's the thing.
None of it matters
if you're unhappy.
I know a lot's been going on,
and maybe I haven't
focused on you
the way I should've.
So I wanna show you how
much I care about you.
What do you think?
Of this room?
It ain't just a room.
Well, looks like a room.
Well, you gotta use
your imagination.
Picture a huge-ass tank
with everything
your gators need.
And plenty of space,
so you can get more.
A gator house.
♪ ♪
Look, I know you got
something against Travis.
No, I ain't got
nothin' against him.
You said you was
just fuckin' him.
That's all it was.
Whatever is between me and him
has nothing to do
with me and you.
That's bullshit.
What do you want, John?
I want us.
Like it was.
But it is the way
it was, only better.
You're trying to talk
your way out of it,
but I don't buy it.
I ain't a kid anymore.
Well, I'm not gettin'
rid of Travis,
if that's what you're after,
and I don't wanna lose you.
You're my world, John.
And this park is
your whole world.
You work here, you live
here, your friends are here.
I just want you to be happy.
You tell me what you want.
You want a new truck,
you want video games,
whatever it is, you got it.
'Cause nothing's more important
to me than your happiness.
♪ ♪
Yeah.
Okay.
So we good?
Yeah.
We're good.
That's my guy.
There's one more
question I wanna ask you.
♪ ♪
What do you say?
[serene music]
[laughs]
You wanna marry me?
Bet your ass I do.
You and John.
Yo, what, dude?
You wanna marry me and John?
Hell yeah!
It's gonna be a
three-way wedding.
It's gonna be awesome.
Did you run that by John?
Sure, he knows I
want him to be happy,
just like I feel about you.
Is it even legal for three
people to get married?
Of course not!
But who cares? Fuck 'em.
Yeah.
I know you've been hurt
by people who were supposed
to take care of you.
Well, that's fuckin' over.
We're gonna make a
family in this park.
And no one can say a
damn thing about it.
So you want this ring or what?
♪ ♪
Yeah.
Yeah, I do.
♪ ♪
[Lynyrd Skynyrd's
"Call Me The Breeze"]
[energetic rock music]
♪ ♪
♪ Call me the breeze ♪
♪ I keep blowin' down the road ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Well now they
call me the breeze ♪
♪ I keep blowin' down the road ♪
♪ ♪
♪ I ain't got me nobody ♪
♪ I don't carry me no load ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Ain't no change
in the weather ♪
♪ Ain't no changes in me ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Well there ain't no
change in the weather ♪
♪ Ain't no changes in me ♪
♪ ♪
♪ And I ain't
hidin' from nobody ♪
♪ Nobody's hidin' from me ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Oh, that's the way
it's supposed to be ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Well I got that
green light, baby ♪
♪ I got to keep... ♪
[upbeat rock music]
♪ ♪
♪ Oh, yeah! ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Telegram Sam, Telegram Sam ♪
♪ You are my main man ♪
♪ ♪
Hey, you got any
sirloin in there?
Uh, hot dogs,
kielbasa... oh, bingo.
Sirloin. It's only
five days expired.
- Pick your poison.
- Yeah, I'm okay.
Ha, I'm kiddin'!
This is the same shit
people pay good money for.
As long as you cook it,
it won't send you
to the hospital.
The hell's going on around here?
- Relax, Joe.
- I saved you the flank.
Put that shit back.
You know we're
tightening our belts.
All this meat goes to the cats.
- C'mon, dude.
- What about us, man?
You wanna bitch
about it, call HR.
Ask for Mr. I-Don't-Give-A-Fuck.
Damn, Joe, a little
harsh, don't you think?
I will ease up
once Carole Baskin gets
off my goddamn ass.
The longer I gotta pay my
lawyers to fend her off,
the longer we go hungry.
You heard the man.
Meat's for the cats.
I gave this place a facelift,
and I'm not gonna screw it up
by showin' off a bunch
of skinny-ass tigers.
Nobody wants to see that.
You know, zoo looks great,
but when are people
gonna show up?
It's like we pulled
up our skirt,
but nobody wants
to sniff our pussy.
Well, I got a plan to get
the word out about our pussy.
Wait, did you buy the
billboards on the interstate?
I can't afford billboards,
but you know what's free?
The internet.
You already posted
on the internet.
- No shit, Crystal.
- This is Amber.
The hell happened to Crystal?
- She's gone back to rehab.
- For what?
You know Crystal ain't
her real name, right?
Well, we're done posting
amateur shit online.
It's time to go pro.
How?
I'm gonna put an
ad on Craigslist.
[lively rock music]
[cellphone rings]
[cellphone beeps]
Who's this?
Rick Kirkham?
Yeah?
It's Joe Exotic.
Did you really work
on "Inside Edition"?
Sure did.
Hell of a show.
Great memories. [Stammers]
Who is this again?
Joe Exotic from the GW Zoo.
You answered my Craigslist
ad lookin' for a producer.
I was hoping you could come
down to the park this week.
I got a great
opportunity for ya.
I'll have to check my schedule.
♪ ♪
Good news, I'm free.
[frantic percussive music]
[tiger roars]
Good afternoon.
I am so excited to be taking you
on a tour of this very
special sanctuary.
We call it that because
that's what we endeavor
to create here for our cats,
who come from troubled homes.
Now, I know what
you're thinking.
"Who the heck is
this insane cat lady?
She doesn't know
anything about me."
Well, in fact, I do.
I know that you
all come from homes
that didn't feel
like a sanctuary,
and there is a reason that
the Tampa Youth Center
brought you here,
and it ain't just the
cats, spoiler alert,
because guess who else
happened to leave
home as a teenager?
It was me.
I guess I was what you
would call an "at-risk teen"
until my life changed
and I met a man who...
Is capable of love.
And he taught me about
healthy intimacy.
Healthy emotional intimacy.
Healthy sexual intimacy.
Take my word for it,
when you feel like the
world doesn't love you,
find something to love.
That's what I did.
I found the animals
at this sanctuary.
I went on a tangent. Who
wants to see some cats?
[all cheering] Yeah? Okay.
Finally.
That got heavy. Let's go.
[soothing classical music]
♪ ♪
How was the tour?
I think I really inspired them.
[chuckles] I'm sure you did.
I'm sure you did.
Is that Chanel No.5?
Wow, someone's got
a good sniffer.
Well, you are not
the first maiden
I have courted, milady.
You are not the first
knight I have ridden
to the holy land, my friend.
[both laugh]
Yeah, Sasha goes into heat
when this little guy shows up
covered in Eau de Parfum.
Well, Sasha has
expensive tastes.
There's nothing too
good for my cats.
Speaking of, will you get me
the Estée Lauder
Pleasures, please?
- Yes, with pleasure, my dear.
- For Tony.
And, um,
the Yves Saint Laurent Black
Opium while you're at it.
Uh, I got a call from
Representative Hughes' office.
I'm afraid the meeting
has been put on hold.
Oh. Why?
They didn't go into the
why, but I have a feeling
it has to do with the garbage
that Joe's been putting online.
You're effing kidding me.
Got that call from the
"Tribune" last week.
Jesus Christ.
The accusations have
clearly been getting
more and more attention.
They're gonna reschedule, right?
Well, my guess is, not
until the story dies down.
Maybe I should
call the "Tribune"
and sit down with them.
What, an interview?
Yeah.
I mean, we can't get
traction on our Big Cat Bill
until we get a
congressperson to sponsor it,
so it could be an opportunity
to tell the reporter
what the real story
is, which is our bill
to save big cats.
Are you sure you
want to engage them?
What, you think I
can't be charming?
Well you charmed the
pants off me... literally.
[giggles]
- Excuse me.
- Sup?
Looking for Joe.
His office is at the
back of the gift shop.
Thank you.
[crickets chirping]
[mysterious string music]
Holy shit.
♪ ♪
[music slows to a stop]
[laughing]
Rick.
I heard you got
yourself a zoo baptism.
[chuckles] Well
guess I got a little
too close to the tiger.
Well, you really get too close,
they'll be doing more
than pissin' on you.
Now, I want you
to help yourself to
anything you want.
Everything's brand-new.
We got lotions, we
got bobbleheads,
we got rubbers.
Here, take this.
Though judging by your mug,
you ain't gonna need
them anytime soon.
I'm kiddin'. We have
a good time here!
Long as you don't mind gettin'
pissed on now and then.
I've been in the TV business
for almost three decades.
It would take a
hell of a lot more
than tiger piss to spook me.
Is it true you
interviewed Chuck Norris?
Yeah, we landed him
on "Inside Edition."
Tell me, is he one of
them actors that's...
That's midget-sized when
you see 'em up close?
No, he's a regular-sized man.
What's Bill O'Reilly like?
He's a piece of
excrement in human form.
- [laughs]
- So that's why you left?
No, there was a problem
with a story I did
on a crack cocaine bust.
What kind of problem?
I smoked all the crack.
And then I got my hands on
more and I smoked that, too.
I'm pretty open about it.
Actually won an award.
You won an award
for smoking crack?
No, for a documentary about it.
I haven't touched
the stuff in years.
I'm clean as a whistle
and excited about
helping you out.
Well, as you can see,
we run a very professional
operation here.
I'll need an advance of
about six weeks up front.
Sure, as long as you're
the best man for the job.
So you want to make a show?
Yeah, for my YouTube channel.
You know, I got 100 subscribers.
But I really want 100,000.
You know, go viral.
Because when people know
how great it is here,
GW Zoo becomes a
go-to destination.
Then I can forget
about all the damage
Carole fuckin' Baskin's done.
Who?
Some nasty bitch who's
got it in for me.
But don't worry, I'm
hittin' back at her.
Uh, the ad said the job comes
with accommodations provided?
- Only the best.
- You have equipment?
We can get anything you need.
And the advance?
Sure, I can get that.
Well, then, I'm
ready to roll, Joe.
One last thing.
I couldn't help but notice
it's been a while
since your last job.
Be honest, you still got it?
Let me ask you something.
You got a gorilla at this zoo?
No.
Well, congratulations.
'Cause you just got
yourself an 800-pound one.
Rick, I like your style.
Can you close that behind you?
- Oh, yeah.
- Thank you.
Hey, John.
Yeah?
Give me some of that sugar.
- You had a good day?
- Yeah, I'm good. You?
- Good, yeah.
- Can you show Rick to his digs?
He's gonna be working
with us at the zoo.
Sure.
You ready?
Uh, yeah, I'll get my
stuff from the car.
- Okay.
- Have a good night.
[sultry techno music]
♪ ♪
You must be a big deal
for Joe to give you
the best trailer.
I'll see you later.
Sweet dreams.
[door slams]
Jesus Christ.
♪ ♪
[music swells]
♪ ♪
Did you move Rick in?
Yep.
Was he happy with the trailer?
He didn't say he wasn't.
Damn, it's late.
I need some shut-eye.
Hey.
- Sup?
- Sup?
♪ ♪
G'night, boys.
- Night.
- Night.
[growls] Oh, shit!
[growls]
[mutters indistinctly]
Hey. Shit. Sorry, dude.
I wasn't... I didn't feed em'.
I was just looking at em.
Whatever, man.
Hey, you wanna, uh,
you wanna smoke this joint?
I'm good.
Yeah.
Hey, I saved some
of the Lucky Charms
in case, like, you wanted any.
[chuckles]
You didn't have to do that.
I know. It's just, like...
It's your place, you know?
Well
it's your place now too, sorta.
Yeah, but...
You were here first,
so... [chuckles]
What?
Don't get all twisted about it.
I told Joe if he
wants to fuck you,
I'm okay with that.
Whatever makes Joe
happy, you know?
Yeah.
It's just, like... It's
a little weird, right?
Yeah, it's a little weird.
- [laughs]
- It's definitely a first for me.
With Joe...
You learn pretty quick
that what's weird out there
ain't so weird in here.
- Oh, my God.
- Okay, so this is Cat Stevens.
He's got biceps
tendinitis pretty bad
but luckily, the laser
therapy is helping, you know?
You give the tiger
laser therapy?
Well, yes.
When you have a laser
therapy machine,
you might as well use it.
[both laugh]
And they deserve it
because they've
been through a lot.
Can you believe there
are people out there
who want to hurt these
majestic animals?
Ugh.
Did you get the binder
from Valerie Davis
about big cat abuse in America?
I did, yeah. Thank you.
If you want, I can give you
the highlights for your article.
- Or the lowlights.
- [laughs]
That's okay.
I'd actually like
to ask about you.
Well, I began my
sanctuary from nothing,
and now we have a
four-star rating
from Charity Navigator, which
is their highest rating.
I'll wait if you want
to write that down.
- Oh, it's okay.
- I meant you personally.
Can you tell me a little
about your relationship
with your ex-husband, Don Lewis?
Well, he and I
were still married
when he disappeared, so
technically, I'm his widow.
How do you feel about
the rumors that you had
something to do with
his disappearance?
I think they are
bizarre and hilarious
and I don't understand them
because there were never
any charges filed, so.
Should we get in the car and
go down to the sanctuary?
'Cause I really wanna
introduce you to Cat in person.
Ms. Baskin,
why do you think this story
has generated so much interest?
I don't pay attention to
what people say about me,
and it was a very long time ago,
so that's suspect.
You know, why now?
Well, we were turned
on to the story
by a citizen in Oklahoma.
[breathes deeply]
Okay, Gigi, the only news here
is that you are being fed
unsubstantiated gossip
by a documented animal
abuser named Joe Exotic.
Actually, I've learned
some new information.
You're familiar
with Anne McQueen?
I am, yes.
That's Don's personal secretary.
Well, she's prepared to
share a letter you wrote her.
She read me a portion of it.
Okay. Good.
"Perhaps I asked for too much,
"but I had to get
out of my marriage
and would have eventually
killed my husband to do it."
Mm-hmm.
Would you care to comment?
Um... hmm.
Why don't we kick this
off with you telling us
in your own words what
makes this zoo so special.
Damn, I feel like Johnny Carson
if he was a gay redneck.
[laughs]
And we're rollin'!
Whenever you're ready, Joe.
Folks, the all-new
GW Zoo is great
for kids and grown-ups alike.
We got over 200 big cats.
We got bears. We got snakes.
You name it, we got it.
We're the number one
animal park in the region,
and that includes every
zoo or "sanctuary,"
which is really just
a fancy word for zoo,
even though Carole Baskin thinks
she's better than
everybody else,
when she's really just
a fuckin' dragon lady...
You know, you can trust me
over that lyin' bitch any day
'cause I did not
stash my dead husband
under my septic tank.
- Let's stop there.
- You're doing great, Joe.
[laughs]
How 'bout we focus more
on what makes this park
so much fun, yeah?
- You got it.
- Good, good.
And we're rolling.
We got the most
beautiful animals
at the GW Zoo,
and here, you can just
come up and pet 'em.
We call that showin' them love,
not abuse like Carole
fuckin' Baskin says.
You wanna know about abuse?
Think about Carole's
poor husband
having to fuck that
ugly ass every night.
I think the dead husband got
a better deal, don't you?
Cut!
You're on fire, baby!
Whoo! Whoo!
Let's try to leave
Carole out of it.
All right, we can try that.
What about when you
first started the zoo?
I'd love to hear
what it was like
getting a park like this going
in the middle of nowhere.
[Eddie Rabbitt's
"Driving My Life Away"]
♪ Well, the midnight headlight ♪
♪ Blind you on a rainy night ♪
♪ Steep grade up ahead ♪
♪ Slow me down, makin' no time ♪
What'd you bring home for me?
Bengal tiger, about
three years old.
Gotta admit,
that's not the anniversary
present I was expecting.
I know.
The cops didn't know
what to do with it.
They found the
owner in the house.
Must've been dead
about two weeks.
Can you imagine?
Tiger chained up
in the backyard,
hungry, for two weeks?
- Is he okay?
- Yeah, he will be.
He's sedated now.
Just wanna move him
before he wakes up.
Do your thing.
We'll celebrate
when you're done.
[taps car]
[soft string music]
♪ ♪
Hey, baby.
Well, hey there.
Hi.
Here.
[sniffs] Wow.
You smell fantastic.
I'll take a shower.
No, no, no I'm into the whole
musky sewer thing
you got goin' on.
Oh, champagne? Shit.
I knew what I was getting into
when I married you.
[groans]
- Oh, man.
- You want dinner?
- Ah, fuck it.
- Let's go straight to cake.
[laughs] All right.
- It's all warm now.
- Oh, well.
- But it's good shit.
- You got the brut.
♪ ♪
"Happy birthday, Joe"?
Yeah, the bakery said
they made a mistake.
Would it kill them to just
write in "anniversary"?
I was just happy
to get out of there
before they started
quoting the Bible at me.
[scoffs]
I'll get plates.
[Vern Gosdin's "Do You
Believe Me Now" plays]
Ah, shit.
You didn't just do that to me.
♪ ♪
♪ Don't you think you
should have called ♪
Get your ass over here.
[laughs]
Oh, okay. All right.
♪ Oh, you look so out of place ♪
See they passed
the law in Vermont?
It's not like they
legalized gay marriage, but
some places that
are more hospitable.
Yeah, but who the fuck
wants to live in Vermont?
Well
we might be old and gray
before the state of Oklahoma
considers what we got real.
"Old and gray"?
This fine-ass face is gonna get
every nip and tuck on the menu.
I'm gonna keep it
tight for my man.
♪ ♪
Happy anniversary, baby.
♪ ♪
♪ I told you time
and time again ♪
♪ ♪
♪ My heart and soul
is in your hands ♪
♪ Do you believe me now? ♪
♪ Do you believe me now? ♪
♪ ♪
Hello, Anne McQueen.
Anne, why did you talk
about me to a reporter?
Because she asked.
Anne, the letter I
sent you was personal.
That wasn't meant
for anyone but you.
You wrote the words, didn't you?
Yes, I wrote them
about my first husband,
not about Don.
What's the difference?
You said you wanted to kill him.
I didn't say I
wanted to kill him.
I said I would kill
him if I had to.
In self-defense.
And now they're twisting it,
and they're making it
seem like I killed Don
which I did not.
I can't even believe
you're here right now.
Do you know how crazy this is?
Look, I know that you hate me,
for whatever reason,
but do you know
who is behind this
hit piece on me?
It's an animal abuser
named Joe Exotic.
And if you give the
newspaper ammunition,
you're just helping him
and you're hurting
the cats, Anne.
Who cares?
[scoffs] Oh, my God...
She doesn't even
care about the cats.
[chuckles]
This lady doesn't even
care about the cats!
Enough with the cats, Carole.
Jesus.
I've got a roast in the oven.
[ominous music]
[whispers] Hey.
Retract what you said
about me to the reporter.
Are you serious right now?
Anne, I'm a good person.
I'm a nice person.
I try my best.
Why... why are you
doing this to me?
Because I think you know more
about Don's disappearance
than you're saying.
Well, I already filed a
lawsuit against Joe Exotic,
and it's no skin off my
back to sue you, too.
So just know what
you're stepping into.
Move your foot.
Careful with that.
- I ain't gonna blow us up.
- Whoa.
I can do this with
my eyes closed.
You want me to?
- No.
- [laughs, coughs]
No, I do not.
It was cool to hear
about the early days.
Yeah?
When you were just
starting out here.
I didn't... I didn't even
know that you had a husband.
Oh, yeah. Almost 12 years.
Wow. What happened to him?
Oh, he died.
- How?
- Oh, he was sick.
You know, a lot of my
friends back then got sick.
Did you get sick?
No, I don't know
why, but I never did.
That must've been really,
really, really hard.
Losing him.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
But you know, at the end,
I didn't want him to die
at the hospital, so I...
I loaded him up on
the truck and...
- He's so light.
- Yeah.
I looked over at him, and
he looked back at me...
Like he wanted to make
sure I was gonna be okay.
And I guess when
he was sure, he, uh
just kinda let go.
'Cause he...
He really loved me.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
[chuckles] Yeah.
I mean
no, not really.
[soft music]
What you mean?
You ain't never been loved?
[chuckles]
I mean, like,
I've had people tell me
that they loved me before,
but if what they did
to me was out of love,
then, uh, I don't want that.
Sure as hell don't
want that. [chuckles]
They hurt you?
We moved around a
lot when I was a kid.
And, uh, you know, we'd, like,
crash at shelters
and friends' places and shit.
And...
Shit happens, you know?
I don't really... I, like,
hate thinking about it
because it would make...
[breathing shakily]
You wanna blow some shit up?
What?
You wanna blow some shit up?
You wanna blow some...
Some of those fuckers up?
Yeah.
- All right.
- [ammo clattering]
Yeah. Yeah?
Fuck 'em up.
- You ready?
- Yeah.
Okay, let's do it.
[breathing deeply]
- Squeeze it.
- There we go.
And breathe as you squeeze.
[gunshot]
[both cheering]
♪ I know it isn't true ♪
♪ Love is just a lie ♪
♪ Made to make you blue ♪
[muffled laughter]
♪ Love hurts ♪
[The Everly Brothers'
"Love Hurts"]
♪ Love hurts ♪
[upbeat rock music]
[door clicks]
Hey, counselor.
If you came to eat pussy,
sorry to say we only
let you feed 'em here.
[snorts]
What's got your
panties in a pucker?
Your countersuit against
the Baskins was dismissed.
What?
Why?
Well, might have something to do
with the fact that your
lawsuit was baseless
and had no legal
merit whatsoever,
but that's just a guess.
Sounds like the judge just
declared you a shitty lawyer.
I'm shitty at many things, Joe.
Dancing, parenting, not smoking.
But the law?
It's the one thing
I'm very good at.
And I got news for you.
Next thing that's
gonna happen is,
the Baskins are gonna
win this suit against you
because they've got
a great fucking case.
Now, if you wanna fight
it, I will take your money.
But no matter how you play it,
it's gonna end with you
owing them a million dollars.
[scoffs]
Joke's on them. I ain't got it.
Well, they'll come
for your assets.
That means the zoo.
Carole Baskin will take
everything that belongs to you.
What if the zoo
don't belong to me?
[The Jon Spencer Blues
Explosion's "Bellbottoms"]
[dramatic rock music]
Hey, Ma, been too long.
How about dinner tonight?
Just you and me.
[grunts]
I gave that lady a two hour tour
of the sanctuary,
and there's not
one quote in there
about the cats!
It's all about Don.
"No comment" is not an evasion.
You didn't dodge her question.
You simply chose not to
dignify it with an answer.
That's what I'm saying.
I mean, with
journalism like that,
they might as well rename
themselves "The Enquirer."
What's next, Ellen and Portia
are having threesomes
with aliens?
Ha. You know what we're doing?
I'm going to cancel
our subscription.
Howard, no, you love their
arts and leisure section.
That's not fair.
God, I am so angry.
You know what I'm gonna do?
[panting] What?
I'm gonna write a
letter to the ed...
I'm gonna write
a strongly-worded
letter to the editor.
I love when you get all
riled up on my behalf.
Want me to call Sidney?
Uh, no.
No lawyers.
Except maybe for Anne McQueen.
No, scratch that.
That's exactly what Joe wants.
He wants this story
to go on and on
so people keep talking about it.
'Cause he knows we're winning.
That's the only way
he can get to us.
All right, all right.
What should we do?
We will do what
you do to a child
who is having a tantrum.
You ignore him.
We will put this article
out of our minds.
That's what I'm gonna do.
All right.
That would've been one hell
of a letter to the editor.
And...
[energetic synth pop music]
Hey, Rick!
We're ready to roll!
The hell is that?
It's Carole Baskin!
We're gonna have some fun today.
[screaming] [tiger growling]
[foreboding music]
Code red!
Code red, Tiger Alley!
♪ ♪
[crowd screaming]
♪ ♪
[screaming]
Christ.
Saff just put his fucking
arm in the feeding cage, man.
Raja got a hold of it.
[labored breathing]
- You'll be okay. Okay?
- [Saff groans]
It's okay, Saff.
You... you okay?
Yeah, we gotta
stop the bleeding.
Okay, you call... call 911.
Okay, okay.
[panting]
♪ ♪
Get in there.
Clean shot, but whatever you do,
don't turn off the
fucking camera.
♪ ♪
Okay. Saff, look at me. Okay?
All right, it's gonna hurt.
Okay, just look at me.
Ready? Okay. One, two...
- Three.
- [screaming]
How long you gonna stand there?
What am I supposed to say?
Hmm?
"Maybe the docs
will save your arm"?
Shit, I can't even
look Saff in the eye.
All right.
I got this.
Look, I've been there.
I know what Saff's going through
and I know what he
needs right now.
What?
The truth.
Fuck.
Hey.
You okay?
No, I'm not fuckin' okay,
- I want some fuckin' Funyuns!
- Hey, hey, hey, hey.
I don't wanna talk right now.
[apprehensive music]
♪ ♪
How's Saff?
Not good.
How are you doing?
♪ ♪
Hey.
Hey, get out of the rain.
You're gonna catch a cold, Joe.
Hey, it's okay.
Travis, it was horrible.
All that blood and...
I could see the
bone sticking out.
- Let's get you home, okay?
- No.
- C'mon, let's get you home.
- No.
- There's nothing you can do.
- No, I hate hospitals.
I hate hospitals, Travis,
but I hate comin' home
from a hospital more.
[sorrowful music]
[door slams]
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
[sobbing]
♪ ♪
♪ We've fought too long ♪
♪ Don't know me ♪
♪ I was shakin',
ain't got nobody ♪
[muffled] Mr. Schreibvogel?
[normal] Mr. Schreibvogel?
I've been trying to
get in touch with you.
I'm doing a magic
show next month.
I want to add an exotic animal.
Would you consider
performing with me?
[pensive music]
♪ ♪
That's a lot of people.
- Ah, don't worry.
- They'll love you.
So what's your name gonna be?
Schreibvogel's a real mouthful.
Mine was too.
That's why I changed it
to Johnny Magic.
[both laugh]
Wait, you're not gonna
wear that, are you?
[drumroll]
[cymbals crash]
[audience murmuring]
♪ ♪
Hi, folks.
My name is Joe Exotic.
[scattered laughter]
Who wants to see me make a
tiger appear out of thin air?
[cheers and applause]
[Tom Jones' "I'm Alive"]
♪ I'm alive! ♪
♪ And I see things mighty
clear today, I'm alive! ♪
[energetic rock music]
♪ Baby, baby, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ I'm alive! ♪
My love, I'm at the store.
I can only get the protein
bars with the nuts.
Is that okay?
Yeah, that's great.
- Okay.
- Listen.
I got some news
about the lawsuit.
Okay.
[sighs]
Joe gave up for the
whole million dollars.
Howard!
I know, I know, it sounds great,
but before you get
excited, there's a catch.
Okay.
He transferred the zoo
to his mother's name.
What does that mean?
Well, it's clearly fraud.
I don't think it'll stand up,
but it's gonna take a while
for the court to investigate it.
A while?
- Mm-hmm.
- Oh, my God.
This man is like a cockroach.
You think you've
stomped him out,
but he just keeps on breeding.
[sighs] I'm so sorry.
I wish I had better news.
I love you, honey. I gotta go.
Bye.
[bright muzak playing]
♪ ♪
[inaudible]
Oh.
Sorry. Sorry. I
was gonna get that.
That's my husband's favorite.
You took the last one.
Sorry.
I was here first.
I think I was here first,
so I just was gonna...
Then why am I holding
the vegan ravioli
and you're not?
Can I please have it?
Okay. Okay.
You won. [Laughs]
Are you...
Are you crazy?
[exhales]
Here, take my
husband's protein bars
while you're at it.
Steal a man's pasta.
Steal a good man's pasta!
[crickets chirping]
Hey, where are you goin'?
I gotta tell you
everywhere I go?
The hell's that mean?
Hey. Hey!
Come on, I just
wanna crawl in bed
and forget this fuckin'
day ever happened.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
You sure you want
me in that bed?
John.
Saff's about to lose his arm.
The zoo's on life support.
I've had enough drama
for one day, okay?
Okay.
Okay.
You don't give a fuck
about how I feel.
Got it.
What are you talkin' about?
- This ain't about you!
- No.
It's not fuckin'
about me, is it?
Everything is about
what you want!
- We all had a long day...
- Hey!
- Shut the fuck up!
- Hey!
He did not fuck with you!
Hey!
[tense music]
[breathing heavily]
[whispering] John.
What're you doin'?
You did this.
[panting]
♪ ♪
[door clicks]
Hey, Joe.
I know today was rough.
Press is all over me.
Phone won't stop ringin'.
They all wanna talk
about what happened,
how the zoo is unsafe.
This is one of the
worst days of my life.
And believe me,
I've had some doozies.
Well, I'm about to cheer you up.
The footage from today
is incredible.
I mean, like nothing
I've ever seen.
Look at this.
I don't wanna see
anything about today.
Joe.
Just watch.
You'll see.
[groaning] [crowd screaming]
Look at that shot!
Networks spend
months in war zones
lookin' for footage like that.
What's your point?
Joe, I can sell this.
This is a show.
Are you back on the crack pipe?
Your life is a show.
Not just today,
everything that
happens at this park.
Everyone.
You, John, and Travis.
We gotta film that!
There's drama there. It's gold!
Rick, there ain't no more park.
Nobody wants to
come here anymore.
You don't get it.
Once I get this on national TV,
you won't be able to
sell tickets fast enough.
You're gonna have
to turn people away!
Are you shitting me?
I'm telling you!
I have the connections,
you have the story.
America is gonna love you.
♪ ♪
Joe, I'm gonna make you a
gun-toting, animal-loving,
mullet-wearing,
motherfuckin' star.
[Beethoven's "Ode to Joy"]
[camera shutters flashing]
♪ ♪
Well, I gotta say,
that's the first
time I've ever heard
of anyone being banned
from the supermarket.
It's not banned.
Security asked me to leave.
- Forever.
- Mm.
Was it like a scene from "Cops"?
We all lose our cool sometimes.
There was a couple staring
at me and whispering.
Like I didn't already know
what they were saying.
You've been recognized before.
Mm-hmm, for being
an animal activist.
Not some sort of
female Jeffrey Dahmer.
Nobody thinks of you like that.
This Don story is
not going away,
no matter how much
I pray it will.
It might if you weren't
a public figure.
[contemplative music]
Maybe it's time we
face the reality
that as long as you're the
face of big cat activism,
you're gonna be a target.
But if I stop, Joe wins.
All of... they all win.
Well, if you stay the course,
people will keep
digging and digging
into your personal life.
They'll never stop.
Is that what you want?
You have to ask
yourself, is it worth it?
♪ ♪
Hey, all you cool
cats and kittens.
It's Carole Baskin
at Big Cat Rescue.
I have gotten some
attention recently,
not of my choosing.
You may have noticed that
there are some people out there
who are attacking me
and dragging my
name through the mud
in an attempt to stop the
work that I've been doing.
And if you're wondering
whether these attacks
will cause me to pull
back, the answer is simple.
I will never stop.
I will never stop.
But I would like to
set the record straight
so that we can focus on
what's really important,
which is getting Congress
to pass legislation
to end big cat abuse
in the United States
for once and for all.
So to that end, I say,
I have never hurt anyone,
including my former husband.
Even though he did hurt me.
I have had some very painful
experiences in my life.
And throughout it all,
I have actually kept a journal,
which has been very helpful
and which I would like to share
portions of with you now.
If you want to know about me,
buckle up and get comfortable,
because I have nothing to hide.
Okay.
[hopeful music]
I was born on June 6, 1961.
My parents had met a
year or two before.
My mother had invited my dad
out on a Sadie Hawkins Day,
since he was too shy
to make the first move.
Believe it or not, my
first cat was a tabby
called Tiger.
I forget if it was me
who gave her the name
or if it was one of my
parents, but either way,
this was an extraordinary
bit of foreshadowing.
Why'd you bring me here, Joe?
To tell you the news.
Things are gonna
change around here.
Our problems are going away.
Yeah?
How's that?
A little something called
the magic of television.
[tense music]
But here's the thing.
None of it matters
if you're unhappy.
I know a lot's been going on,
and maybe I haven't
focused on you
the way I should've.
So I wanna show you how
much I care about you.
What do you think?
Of this room?
It ain't just a room.
Well, looks like a room.
Well, you gotta use
your imagination.
Picture a huge-ass tank
with everything
your gators need.
And plenty of space,
so you can get more.
A gator house.
♪ ♪
Look, I know you got
something against Travis.
No, I ain't got
nothin' against him.
You said you was
just fuckin' him.
That's all it was.
Whatever is between me and him
has nothing to do
with me and you.
That's bullshit.
What do you want, John?
I want us.
Like it was.
But it is the way
it was, only better.
You're trying to talk
your way out of it,
but I don't buy it.
I ain't a kid anymore.
Well, I'm not gettin'
rid of Travis,
if that's what you're after,
and I don't wanna lose you.
You're my world, John.
And this park is
your whole world.
You work here, you live
here, your friends are here.
I just want you to be happy.
You tell me what you want.
You want a new truck,
you want video games,
whatever it is, you got it.
'Cause nothing's more important
to me than your happiness.
♪ ♪
Yeah.
Okay.
So we good?
Yeah.
We're good.
That's my guy.
There's one more
question I wanna ask you.
♪ ♪
What do you say?
[serene music]
[laughs]
You wanna marry me?
Bet your ass I do.
You and John.
Yo, what, dude?
You wanna marry me and John?
Hell yeah!
It's gonna be a
three-way wedding.
It's gonna be awesome.
Did you run that by John?
Sure, he knows I
want him to be happy,
just like I feel about you.
Is it even legal for three
people to get married?
Of course not!
But who cares? Fuck 'em.
Yeah.
I know you've been hurt
by people who were supposed
to take care of you.
Well, that's fuckin' over.
We're gonna make a
family in this park.
And no one can say a
damn thing about it.
So you want this ring or what?
♪ ♪
Yeah.
Yeah, I do.
♪ ♪
[Lynyrd Skynyrd's
"Call Me The Breeze"]
[energetic rock music]
♪ ♪
♪ Call me the breeze ♪
♪ I keep blowin' down the road ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Well now they
call me the breeze ♪
♪ I keep blowin' down the road ♪
♪ ♪
♪ I ain't got me nobody ♪
♪ I don't carry me no load ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Ain't no change
in the weather ♪
♪ Ain't no changes in me ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Well there ain't no
change in the weather ♪
♪ Ain't no changes in me ♪
♪ ♪
♪ And I ain't
hidin' from nobody ♪
♪ Nobody's hidin' from me ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Oh, that's the way
it's supposed to be ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Well I got that
green light, baby ♪
♪ I got to keep... ♪