Joe vs. Carole (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 3 - Don - full transcript
[sentimental music]
♪ ♪
- [whispering]
- Wake up, sunshine.
[Harry Nilsson's "Gotta Get Up"]
[alarm beeping]
♪ Gotta get up, gotta get out ♪
♪ Gotta get home before
the morning comes ♪
♪ What if I'm late,
got a big date ♪
♪ Gotta get home 'fore
the sun comes up ♪
♪ Up and away, got a big day ♪
♪ Sorry can't stay, I
gotta run, run, yeah ♪
Drop trou, baby, it's
time for your vitamins.
♪ Gotta let the people
know I'm gonna be late ♪
♪ Gotta get up, gotta get out ♪
♪ Gotta get home before
the morning comes ♪
♪ What if I'm late,
got a big date ♪
♪ Gotta get home before
the sun comes up ♪
♪ Up and away,
got a big day... ♪
Lookin' good.
Hey, maybe I should get
on some of that juice.
Nah, you're good just like that.
- I am?
- [laughs]
- You gonna mess up my eyeliner.
- Mm-hmm.
[knock at door]
This just got dropped off.
Delivery from Florida.
Mm.
Mother-fuck!
[lively percussive music]
[tiger roars]
That bitch
had the fuckin' gall to sue me!
For makin' a website?
Copyright infringement my
ass. It was a fuckin' prank!
I thought it was hilarious.
It was fuckin'
hilarious, wasn't it?
Mm-hmm.
And I'm actually glad
I waited for this
special occasion to
drop this bomb on her,
'cause it's carpe
fuckin' diem, am I right?
Damn right.
- All right, let's roll.
- Okay.
[camera beeps] Three, two...
Good morning, world.
I'm Joe Exotic.
Welcome to the first edition
of what I like to call.
"The Saga of the
Little Cat Rescue"
down in Tampa, Florida.
And boy, have I got an extra
special treat for you tonight.
Carole Baskin's diary!
Excuse me while I
put on my glasses
because I'm goin' fuckin' blind
from lookin' at
Carole's ugly ass.
Today, we're gonna reveal
why Carole may have killed
her former husband, Don Lewis.
Oh, you didn't know
she was married before?
Well, surprise!
'Cause that murderous bitch
is on hubby number three.
That's right... you might
think Carole acts like a saint,
but she's a goddamn monster.
[tiger roars]
[hissing]
Is this awesome or ridiculous?
[snickering]
It's perfect.
And people love the Big
Cat Rescue Calendar,
and they're gonna
love you in it.
Okay. Bingo, we have a winner.
[knock at door] Come in.
Oh, Howie, say hello
to Miss December.
Oh.
Uh...
What's wrong?
We have a problem.
And then Carole writes,
"My patience and long suffering
"are qualities to
which I am known for.
But there is a limit
to what I can stand."
Clearly there was a limit.
Did you feed Don to your tigers?
Did you bury him under
your septic tank?
Or maybe you ground him up in
that meat grinder of yours!
And if you're listening, Carole,
this is just the beginning,
'cause I got pages and
pages to get through,
and nothin' to do
but fuck with you!
[tense music]
It was uploaded a few hours ago.
[sighs]
[keyboard clacks]
Was that really your diary?
I just don't understand
how he got his hands on it
because the only place that
I bring my laptop is to work.
So it must've been a
staff member or an intern.
So we need to shore up security
so this never happens again.
Carole?
Yeah?
Don't you even want to
discuss what he said?
He brought up Don.
I don't care what him and his
12 followers think about me.
He has no idea what I've
been through in my life.
♪ ♪
- Stop it!
- [children laughing]
- You can't sit there.
- That's our bench.
Stop it.
Your brother was in our turf.
First off, you can't be in turf.
One can only be
on someone's turf.
Secondly, it doesn't
belong to you.
Get out of here, you and
your stupid briefcase.
[in slow motion] You
cross-eyed, nasty...
♪ ♪
Oh!
"Let every man be swift to hear,
"slow to speak, slow to wrath;
For the wrath of man worketh
not the righteousness of God."
At Holy Cross, we
pray for our enemies.
We do not retaliate.
I was defending my brother.
That is no excuse.
But he's the one who started it.
He's a Neanderthal.
Nobody likes a know-it-all.
I would suggest a
dose of humility.
Mom, I didn't do anything wrong.
Apologize to that boy.
Right now.
[tense music]
[sighs] I'm sorry.
[Paul Anka's "Everything
is Super Now" plays]
- [door opens, closes]
- ♪ Everything... ♪
- Hiya, honeybun.
- [sighs]
[keys jangle]
Jamie's at the
sitter's. How was work?
I interviewed ten applicants
for that sales job.
- Ten.
- Huh.
I just don't know why it's so
goddamn hard to find someone.
♪ ♪
Hey, um, if it helps...
I know someone who
might be good for it.
Yeah?
Who?
You?
[snorts]
Well, I said, um...
[laughing]
- Jesus Christ.
- What?
No, I told you I wanted to work.
Oh, come on.
Honey, honey, you really
don't need to worry
your pretty little
face off about that.
I mean, look,
you've got your work cut out
for you right here, don't ya?
- Oh, well, yeah.
- [laughs]
I was gonna do the
dishes after we eat
'cause I was cleaning
the house all day.
Yeah.
You were, huh?
I know what you need.
Why don't you relax while
I finish making dinner?
♪ ♪
Yeah, this is not Michelob.
I know. I'm sorry.
They were out.
So you can't even figure out
how to get the right beer
for your husband, but
you want to go to work?
Is that right?
- I'm... I said I was sorry.
- [chuckles]
I went to three
places and tried.
Carole, Carole.
Come on.
Like, how hard is it
to run a household?
I am out there busting my
ass every single goddamn day
so you can have a nice life.
[tense music]
What else do I gotta do?
Do I... do I have to show
you how to use a goddamn mop?
Is that what you want me to do?
Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey!
Ah!
♪ ♪
You shouldn't have done that.
[softly] I'm sorry.
You shouldn't have done that.
You shouldn't have done that.
You should not have done that!
Carole!
♪ ♪
Carole.
Carole!
Carole, you get back here!
♪ ♪
[Redbone's "Come And Get
Your Love" playing on radio]
♪ ♪
Hey, are you all right?
Miss, you all right?
I'm fine, thank you.
Where are you going?
I don't know.
What are you doing out here?
I'm tired. I'm angry.
I just threw a
potato at my husband
and I ran out of the house, so
I don't exactly have a plan.
But thank you for checking in.
You didn't ask me.
I'm hungry, I'm
tired, and my wife,
she just threw me out too.
There were no potatoes
involved, but...
I got no place to go, either.
♪ What's the matter
with you feel right ♪
♪ Don't you feel... ♪
- What do you want?
- I don't want anything.
Sounds like things are bad
at home for both of us.
Maybe, I don't know.
Why not be a little
bad together?
[laughing]
Hop in.
No. No.
I am not getting in the
car with some weirdo
just because he asked.
Okay, I get that.
[unzipping]
Maybe you'd feel safer
if you held onto this.
What? What the fuck?
Hey, if I make a wrong move,
you can blow my head off.
[ethereal music]
♪ ♪
Go ahead, take it.
[gun clicks]
Hello, I'm Carole.
What's your name?
It's Bob. Bob Martin.
- Okay.
- [laughs]
Well
nice to meet you, Bob Martin.
[laughing] This is crazy.
It's nice to meet
you, too, Carole.
[laughs]
[upbeat rock music]
Hot damn, boys, keep it up!
This place is comin' together
faster than an altar
boy's legs after mass.
Hey, what is all
the commotion about?
- Hey, Rink.
- Nice of you to show up.
Where the hell you been?
Had to get my other
leg amputated, Joe.
I told you that.
- Shit.
- You look like the Terminator.
You doin' all right?
- Yeah, don't hurt no more.
- Good.
So you wanna tell me
what the hell's going on?
I realized Carole Baskin may
be a snake, but her takin' away
my road shows might be the best
thing that ever happened to me.
Did he hit his
head or something?
You know how Walt Disney
made a gazillion dollars?
He got people to
come to his park.
You know?
'Cause of some cartoon
fuckin' mice that talk.
And your point is what, exactly?
We can get people to come here.
Right, make the
whole goddamn place
into a tourist attraction.
I'm talkin' stage,
bleachers, gift shop...
This place could be
a regular Exoticland,
you know what I'm saying?
Except with real tigers
instead of the fake shit.
That sounds expensive.
Ever heard of credit cards?
Lookin' good, Crystal.
Keep these boys on it.
What're you doing there, Joe?
Thought you had a
meeting with your lawyer.
Shit.
We gotta respond to
the Baskins' suit.
I got a response.
"Fuck off!"
[laughs]
That's not exactly
a legal response.
You toured under their
company's name, Joe.
You created a fake website to
intentionally deceive people.
- So?
- So that's illegal.
And unless we play this smart,
they're gonna clean you out.
What are you gonna do to
make this lawsuit go away?
You really want it gone?
What do you think?
I'm bleeding here! I
got plans for the park.
Well, I would advise that
you dissolve the fake website
and you apologize to the Baskins
for flying a chopper
over their sanctuary.
And then maybe they'll
consider dropping the suit.
[laughing] Apologize.
You want me to apologize?
Well, it would be considered
an act of good faith.
It would be considered bullshit!
They came at me first!
Hell, I should sue them!
Not a bad idea.
Yeah.
They ain't the only ones
who can play that game.
Let's see how they like it.
I thought you wanted
this to go away.
If they wanna sue me
for a million dollars,
I'm gonna sue them for two.
Shit.
Why not five?
Why not 15?
Yeah.
[mischievous music]
We're gonna sue that
bitch for $15 million.
[country music
playing over radio]
Damn, it feels good to punch
that she-devil, don't it?
After what she did to you?
She got it comin'.
You really got my
back, don't you?
'Course I do.
♪ ♪
I love you.
Well, good.
'Cause I fuckin' love you, too.
[both chuckle]
[cell phone rings]
Yeah, Fred, what is it?
Okay, hang on.
There's another straggler
at the bus stop.
Do we need another pair
of hands at the park?
Yeah, why not?
That's a yeah.
♪ ♪
[keys jingle, engine stops]
Hey, kid, lookin' for work?
Why you askin'?
My buddy calls me when somebody
gets off the bus
and then don't move.
So what happened?
[sighs]
I came all the way
down here from Texas
thinkin' I had a gig
at this refinery.
Only now I find out
that my cousin's friend
is totally full of
shit. [chuckles]
How's your day going?
Well, I own a zoo a few
miles down the road.
We're doin' some building
if you want some work
and a place to stay.
What's the catch?
No catch.
I just know what it's like
to need a hand is all.
And hell,
half the guys at my park
just got outta jail
or rehab or worse...
Marriage.
Or if you want, I'd be just
as happy to buy you a meal.
What's your name, son?
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
I'm Travis Maldonado.
Damn nice to meet you, Travis.
I'm Joe.
I have a present.
What?
Joe is suing us for
$15 million, honey.
[laughing]
What? Oh, my God.
He's saying we
slandered his name
and we caused him
a loss of earnings.
[laughing]
A lawyer had to type
that whole thing.
It's been a while since
I've practiced law,
but this doesn't look
like a very strong case.
No, my love. No, it doesn't.
On the other hand,
if it goes to a jury,
there's always a risk.
Trials can be unpredictable.
However...
There might be a way to rein
this in before it goes too far.
Uh-huh.
If we enter into a mediation,
we can offer to drop our suit
in exchange for concessions.
And what in our dealings with
Joe Exotic would lead you
to believe that he'd
be open to compromise?
Well, he is a businessman.
And right now, his
business is struggling.
Carole, hear me
out. Hear me out.
Since Joe put out that
video, how much work
have you gotten done on
your legislation initiative?
None.
That's where your
attention is needed.
This might be a long shot,
but I don't think this has to
descend into an all-out war.
I mean, this could
be our off-ramp...
Vroom... from Joe Exotic.
You like that? [Both chuckle]
Give it some time.
You drive me wild, Howie.
Bring me something
hard next time.
[camera beeps, shutter clicks]
Smile, Thunder.
You and me about
to make the sexiest
goddamn billboards in Oklahoma.
Ain't that right, Bubba? Yeah.
Hey, Rink!
How do I look?
- [chuckles] I don't know.
- Maybe it's a little much?
Who you talking to?
You can't never have too
much of a good thing.
[chuckles] I beg to differ.
Hey, how's the new
kid settling in?
- [phone buzzing]
- Mm, so far, so good.
I got Saff showin'
him the ropes.
- Hey, Joe?
- Yeah.
Lawyer's calling.
Oh, shit.
Hang on a second.
Yeah, what kinda crap's that
bitch pullin' this time?
Oh, shit.
You gotta be fucking kidding me.
Guess who's headin' to Oklahoma?
That bitch is comin' here with
her tail between her legs!
[all cheering]
[energetic music]
[tiger roaring]
♪ ♪
Is this normal?
It is here, man.
Welcome to the GW Zoo, baby.
Thank you so much for filling
in on such short notice.
Our regular quartet
had a conflict
and the cats would
be so disappointed
if they didn't get their
musical enrichment, so...
Much obliged.
This is for the cats?
Yes, of course.
If you take requests, I would
start with something baroque,
a Vivaldi, and then segue
into something 20th century,
you know?
Shostakovich, whatever you got.
Have fun. Good luck.
Don't mess up. [Chuckles]
The leader of the other
quartet got arrested.
Oh, no.
I hope they work out.
How are you feeling?
You know, about the mediation...
- Oh.
- And all that.
Well, Howard's optimistic.
Well, hopefully, he's
able to get those
awful videos stopped, so...
I'm sorry, videos, plural?
There's three.
More on the way, it sounds like.
[somber string music playing]
♪ ♪
Some of the stuff
from your diaries,
I, uh, I am sorry that you
had to go through it alone.
I did not go through it alone.
Besides, everything
that we go through
makes us who we are, right?
I mean, your childhood was
not a walk in the park,
but would you have become the
strong and courageous woman
that you are today if
all that hadn't happened?
I don't think so.
So ultimately, it was
for the best, right?
Right.
- You know what I always say...
- If things were easy,
we would never know
what we were capable of.
Yes.
[sighs]
[dreamy music]
There's an item up for
bids, it is item 259...
When do the llamas come out?
Do I look like I
run this auction?
Excuse me.
I think they're
after the bobcat.
Oh, thank you.
Russ Tuttle.
What do you want a llama for,
if you don't mind my asking?
- Don Lewis.
- Hey.
I own some land, and, uh,
llamas are good for
clearing out the grass.
They're his little landscapers.
[chuckles]
Remind me to stop at the
store on the way home.
Do you want burgers or
casserole for dinner?
- [chuckles]
- What's the difference?
You're cooking it, it's gonna
taste like shit either way.
[auctioneer chanting]
- 300.
- 300, 300.
Hit 'em up, hit 'em up, hit
'em up, hit 'em up now...
- Good luck.
- That bobcat's adorable.
Huh.
She'll look even better stuffed.
- What?
- I'm a taxidermist.
I'm gonna club her in the head
and make a decoration outta her.
- Excuse me.
- 400!
400, 400 lookin' for five.
I'll take 450, hit 'em up now...
♪ ♪
- 500.
- Hey, what are you doin'?
[auctioneer chanting]
550.
He's gonna kill that cat. 600.
Carole, stop.
650.
Sorry, I have to do this. 700.
- 750!
- 750, 750...
- 800.
- 800, 800...
850.
- Nine!
- $900 for the bobcat.
Hello.
Jamie, why don't you
go into my bedroom
and finish your homework
before your dad gets here?
Okay?
Don.
What the hell is all this stuff?
Well, I met this guy
who gave me a steal
on these loose car parts.
[laughs] A "steal" being
the operative word, my dear.
None of my business
how he got 'em.
Did you give him your real name,
or do you just reserve
the fake names for me?
Had to make sure you
weren't after my money.
You know, can't be too careful.
Some people know I got a
lot more than it looks like.
And I told you my real
name eventually, didn't I?
You sure did, baby.
Um, can you help me
with the grinder?
I'm making meatloaf.
Sure.
No garlic, as per your request.
Good.
Thank you.
Okay, um...
Don?
Don, I want to talk to
you about something.
Uh-huh. Later.
Honey?
See?
You say the yard is
full of crap, but...
I just have to wait till
I find the right part.
Yeah, look at that.
So I was at the bank today,
changing out those rolls
of coins like you asked...
- I'm trying to focus.
- I know.
But I... I overheard the
bank manager talking about
how they have these
distressed mortgages for sale.
Carole.
I got a lot to do today.
You see, the bank is selling
these distressed mortgages
at a discount because it's
easier than foreclosing,
but if we buy them,
then the tenant pays
us like we're the bank.
- Look at this.
- I can get good cash for this.
[playful music]
You've got a few lots that
aren't generating much income,
but this could be a whole
new business for us.
My lots are doing just
fine, thank you very much.
If these mortgages are so great,
why wouldn't the
bank hold on to them?
Because it's not worth
the time it takes
for them to turn a profit,
but it's worth it for us.
- For us, it's real money.
- Give it a rest, Carole.
I'm gonna go bury
this in the backyard.
Don.
Don... you know me. I am
a natural businesswoman.
I just have never had a... A
business to be the woman of.
Please, Don!
Please.
I'll have those notarized and
sent over to you right away.
Okay. Thank you very much.
Bye-bye.
[upbeat music]
Did you just flip the
house on Schillington?
- That I did.
- [chuckles]
That's three this summer.
Look at you, little
mogul in the making.
Didn't know you had it in you.
I did.
Well, I suspected.
Don.
Guess who just
flipped another house?
Carole's bringing in
more money than you, Don.
Well, good for her.
[phone rings]
Hello, it's Anne.
One moment.
Carole, it's Jamie's school.
[whispers] Mike never
came to pick her up today.
She's been waiting by
herself for over an hour.
Someone's on their
way. Thank you.
[door opens]
[door closes]
Ta-da.
This is it.
Um, what do you think?
Ho... how long's
Dad gonna be gone?
Um, well,
to be honest, I don't know.
He didn't tell me how
long he was going for,
and he didn't even tell
me that he was leaving.
Um, so...
[sighs]
Could be a few months,
could be a little more.
Um...
But the good thing is,
you get to live here
with me and Don.
Not in the house.
[somber music]
♪ ♪
I tried, sweetie.
I... I really tried.
But you know Don likes things
how he likes things.
And, um...
But it's almost
like this is better,
'cause you kinda have
your own apartment.
And we can hang out in here
and have girl time,
and, you know.
Sampson's birthday's
is coming up.
I was gonna make him
a Sardini Martini.
- Remember those?
- Mm-hmm.
So, um...
I think it's good.
I think it's...
Um...
I'm gonna go get you a
bigger pillow because
you've just got a bunch
of little ones here.
[sighs] Okay.
♪ ♪
[sniffles]
[printer beeps and whirs]
[inhaling and exhaling]
[tires screech]
[breathing heavily]
Carole, he's on the phone.
Not now.
Hey, Ed, hey, Ed, I'm gonna
have to call you back.
[phone slams]
What's wrong with you?
[panting]
The money from my real
estate account is gone.
So?
So you were the only other
person who had access to it.
Yeah, I'm buyin' some
land in Costa Rica.
- Can I get back to my call now?
- What...
No, I need that money
to grow my business.
You have to put it back.
Who do you think you're
talkin' to, Carole?
I'll do whatever I damn
well please with that money.
It is my money.
- I earned it.
- [laughs]
Well, you're smart.
Go earn some more.
- So this is how it's gonna be?
- You're just gonna take my money?
You know, when I met you,
you were wandering the
streets like a goddamn hobo.
You weren't even wearing shoes.
Everything you have in
this world is 'cause of me.
So you apologize.
Apologize for barging in here
so I can get back to work.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that, uh,
I am so much smarter
than you. [laughs]
I am so much better
at this shit than you
that you can't even see
how much better I am at it.
[laughs]
Are you done?
[tense music]
♪ ♪
Hey, Ed, sorry about
that. Where were we?
Uh-huh.
Sure, I... I can be there.
Yeah, sure, I can...
Yeah, I can be there.
♪ ♪
[phone rings]
- Hello?
- Carole, it's Anne.
Have you heard from Don?
Um, last I heard from him,
he was going to Costa Rica.
But that was a
few days ago. Why?
Well, I've been trying him,
and it's not like him
not to return my calls.
- Oh, yeah?
- [scoffs]
Sometimes I don't hear from
him for days on end, so...
I'm worried something
happened to him.
Mm-hmm.
Like,
so do you want me to...
Should I call the police?
Yes, Carole.
I think your husband's missing.
Call the police.
Oh, my goodness.
Okay.
Um, I will. Thank you, Anne.
Thank you.
Hey, do you think
that this is okay?
Now that is what I
call a Sardini Martini.
Just needs
the finishing touch.
And we're off.
Both: ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
♪ Happy birthday, dear Sampson ♪
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
Now, Joe, mediation is like
a legal proceeding, okay?
So best behavior, yeah?
I can't wait to finally
look that bitch in the eye.
Hope I don't turn to stone!
Off to a good start.
[suspenseful music]
♪ ♪
Well.
Now that we're all here,
why don't we get started?
Where the fuck is Carole?
I'm Howard Baskin.
I'm Carole's husband and
I'm here on her behalf.
We are hopeful that we
can all be reasonable
and come to some sort
of equitable agreement.
Please, have a seat.
No!
I come all the way
to Oklahoma City,
and that demon woman
don't even have the balls
to face me herself?
- Bullshit!
- Okay, sir,
- your language is not...
- And I ain't talking
to her limp dick husband
who's only probably
here 'cause he's afraid
she's gonna do him the
way she did her last one!
Hey, she started this fight!
And now, what, she's
pissed that I'm givin' her
a taste of her own...
What she deserves?
No one deserves this, Joe.
Not Carole. Not me.
Certainly not the cats
who were scared
out of their minds
when you flew that
chopper over their heads.
I think it's best
if we focus on what we
can accomplish here today.
Ah, easy for you to fuckin' say.
You ain't got that goddamn
woman tryin' to throw you out
in the fuckin' streets...
Excuse my fuckin' French.
She acts all high and mighty
when she's talkin' about
saving the animals,
but when it comes to
people like us, you know,
she don't give a shit when
she's in there shankin' me!
Maybe she'd have more of a heart
if I had fur and a fuckin' tail!
That soul-suckin'
gorgonzola of a she-bitch,
she's just clawin' at
me like some kinda...
[mellow sitar music]
♪ ♪
I'm talking about a
husband holocaust!
- 290 for that?
- [phone ringing]
Oh.
Hello?
Ah.
I just wanted to hear a
friendly voice for a change.
My God, is it that bad?
Every time he opens his mouth,
it's just like
one of his videos.
The mediator can
barely get a word in.
Well, I'd say I'm
sad I'm not there,
but we all know that's a lie, so
[chuckles] No, we
made the right call.
Your presence here
would've only made him
more riled up, if
that's even possible.
How are you?
I am fine.
One of our properties
is becoming vacant,
- so I think I'm gonna list it.
- Oh.
Well, you know what's
best. You're the pro.
Mm.
I miss you, Howie.
I miss you, too.
I'll be home soon.
Okay. Mwah, good luck.
Thanks, love you.
[sighs]
Good evening, world!
I'm Joe Exotic, and
here's another episode
of "The Saga of the
Little Cat Rescue."
Let's hear some more from
our friend Carole Baskin.
"God knows the truth.
"He knows the real me that
I try to hide from people.
"Sometimes, I can't
get out of bed.
"I'm so afraid.
What should I do if this
misery doesn't go away?"
Well, Carole, I'll tell ya.
Maybe you shoulda
done us all a favor
and just killed yourself.
But apparently, you're too
chicken shit even for that.
[drink pouring]
[sighs]
Excuse me.
You know, it's nothing personal.
What?
All that stuff I said in there,
I didn't mean anything
against you or the others.
[drink pouring]
It was hurtful, Joe.
Yeah, I know it was, but
takes two to tango,
though, don't it?
What do you want, Joe?
I mean, if it's just to yell
at somebody, you did that.
You actually want
to keep fighting?
Of course not.
I'm tired of all this bullshit.
I'm gettin' a goddamn ulcer.
Then what do you want?
I just wanna go back
to when it was simple.
Just me and the animals.
Well, we want this to end too.
But in order for that to happen,
we both have to give a little.
And for the love of
God, the name calling...
It has to stop.
[soft dramatic music]
♪ ♪
All right, do you want
to go back in there
and try and figure this out?
All right.
Hi. Can I help you?
Carole Baskin?
Yes.
My name is Mia Kay.
I live at your Kennesaw
Street property.
- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, hi, Mia, how are you?
I'm not bad, I'm sorry
to show up to your home.
I just wanted to
do this in person.
Okay.
I know that I'm
late on my payments
and I'm working on
getting them together,
but I just lost my job,
and I have a four-year-old son.
Oh, you know, I was
a single mom, too.
So you know. You get it.
I get it.
And trust me, the
best thing you can do
is to seize control
of your life.
You can do it.
You have the power to achieve
anything you put your mind to.
I'm trying. I really am.
I just need a little
bit more time.
Yeah, you have 15 days,
according to the law.
Are you serious?
One day, you will look back
and you'll see that
I did you a favor.
So I'm supposed to take advice
from the woman who
murdered her husband?
Yeah, I looked you up.
I've seen the videos.
At least I didn't put my husband
through a meat grinder
to get my money.
Excuse me.
I... I did not do
anything to my husband.
And you should see
my meat grinder.
You can't fit a person in there!
[car engine starting] You
can't even fit a hand!
[engine rumbling, fading]
[dreamy music]
♪ ♪
[animals growling]
Afternoon, Mrs. Lewis.
Hello, detectives.
If you're coming to
check on the cats,
you're in luck 'cause they are
feeling extra frisky today.
[chuckles]
We, uh,
we found your husband's
van, Mrs. Lewis.
Uh-huh, where?
About 20 miles south from here.
But unfortunately, there
was no sign of him.
The weird thing is, the
van's seat was pushed back
as if someone much
taller than Don
was driving it.
Uh-huh, that's odd.
I mean, do you know of anyone
that might want to hurt Don?
Well, he did a lot of
shady business deals
with a lot of shady people.
And not to mention all
the women he screwed over,
and their husbands,
and their pimps.
Fidelity was not
Don's strong suit.
Did his indiscretions make
you upset, Mrs. Lewis?
Well, he's my husband, ma'am.
What do you think?
[sighs]
[tense music]
That's from the meat
that we feed the cats.
What did Don say to you again
the night before he left?
I already told you,
he said he was leaving
early, early, early
the next morning.
I'm sorry, am I...
Am I a suspect?
[chuckles]
Great, thank you so much.
[sighs]
What did the lawyer say?
Um, well, turns out,
because all the accounts
are in Don's name,
and Don hasn't
been declared dead,
I don't have access
to any of our money.
And, uh, I can't
pay the mortgage,
and so I can't feed
the cats, and, uh,
I can't feed us, and I, um,
I can't get to the real
estate files because
they're locked in the office,
and I don't know what to do.
I don't know what to do.
Hey. Hey.
It'll be okay.
Why don't... why
don't you just...
Just sit down and, um,
and have some food.
And then... and then
you'll be able to think
and then we can figure
out what we're gonna do.
[sentimental music]
[sighs] Okay.
- Okay.
- Okay, okay.
Okay.
- [dishes clinking]
- Okay.
We're good.
- Um, I'm gonna go to bed.
- Okay.
Love you.
Hey, Mom?
I really like my new bedroom.
Well, good.
[chuckles]
Jamie.
Yeah?
I'm gonna get us out of this.
I'm gonna fix it, I promise.
I know.
Good night.
[dreamy music]
♪ ♪
[sirens whooping]
Keep your hands up!
Keep 'em up!
Officers, I promise there
is an explanation for this.
Carole?
It's okay, I know her.
Carole.
What are you doing here?
You can't just
bust in like this.
- Why can't I just bust into...
- I'm his wife.
And everyone's acting like I
did something wrong
or something, and...
Carole.
I heard your fight
before Don went missing.
You took days to
call the police.
And now you're breaking
into his office?
None of it looks good.
What are you saying?
You think I did
something to Don?
Carole, I know how much money
Don had squirreled away.
And ironically, I can't
get my hands on any of it.
Not yet.
But maybe that's what you've
been after this whole time.
I can't believe this.
Anne.
If I wanted to get my
hands on Don's money,
I could've gotten rid
of him a long time ago.
Especially after the
way that he treated me
and the way he
treated my daughter.
I know you know what
I'm talking about.
I don't miss him.
Not for one second.
But I didn't kill him.
I'm the victim here.
[tense music]
I wish I could
believe you, Carole.
♪ ♪
[keys jingling]
Hello, my love.
[chuckles]
My knight, home from battle.
Oh, man.
You look like you
could use a drink.
[groans] Indeed.
[sighs]
A celebratory one.
I think we may
actually have a deal.
What?
After all the
excruciating rhetoric,
we found a path forward.
[gasps]
In exchange for
dropping our lawsuit,
Joe has agreed to
no more road shows
and no more cub breeding.
Wow.
So, like, how would
he make money?
Long term, he wouldn't.
He doesn't realize it yet,
but Joe Exotic is finished.
Huh.
We can move on from Joe.
It's over.
Well, we can't take
him at his word.
Oh, no, if he breaks the rules,
the agreement is null and void.
But he doesn't want these
lawsuits any more than we do.
That much is clear.
How long do you think it'll
take for him to bleed out?
Without knowing his
finances, it's hard to say.
A year, maybe two?
What if he has a strong year?
Or he gets an
inheritance or something?
Carole, there's always some
degree of uncertainty here,
but this is a good deal for us.
Yeah.
Yeah.
No.
No, I'm sorry.
[groans]
I'm sorry, Howard.
I know you worked so hard
on this, but, um, no.
No, I can't accept that.
All right, well, just...
Think about the
implications here.
I am thinking about the
implications, thank you.
If you reject the
deal out of hand,
the lawsuits recommence.
- We go back to fighting Joe.
- Yeah, so be it.
It'll drag you away from
what's really important.
Howard, this is important!
There are people who might
view this decision to walk away
as unreasonable.
Well, luckily for me, I
learned a long time ago
that people are gonna judge
me and call me a bitch
no matter what I do.
Does this have anything
to do with Joe's videos?
The things he's been
saying about you?
You know what, Howard?
I know no one's gonna give
me a medal for fighting back.
Women who fight back
get burned at the stake.
And I know that.
But what I need
is for my one
friend in the world
to have my back.
[sniffs]
[soft dramatic music]
You know this is your call.
♪ ♪
And I support you 100%.
Thank you.
So it's war?
- It's war.
- Mm-hmm.
Hey, Joe.
[chuckles] You all right?
What are you doing in
here all by yourself?
[chuckles]
Well, the lawsuit
I thought was over
is back on.
[sighs]
I don't get it.
You know, I gave her
everything she wanted, and
she still wouldn't
take the deal.
Does she really
hate me that much?
I don't know how
anybody could hate you.
You're one of the nicest
people I've ever met.
You took me in, and
you gave me a home.
You didn't have
to do any of that.
I'm glad you're here, Travis.
I want you to know you're
welcome to stay here
as long as you want.
If you like it, that is.
Are you serious?
[laughs] I would...
I would love it.
Man, I love it here so much.
I've never been anywhere
like this in my entire life.
I can't believe how
many animals you have.
Can't never be too
much of a good thing.
[both chuckle]
Yeah.
- Can I ask you something?
- Sure.
You watch porn?
[Lynyrd Skynyrd's
"Double Trouble"]
♪ 11 times I been busted ♪
♪ 11 times I been to jail ♪
♪ Some of the times
I been there ♪
♪ Nobody could go my bail ♪
♪ Well, it seems
to me, Lord, that ♪
♪ This ol' boy just don't fit ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Well, I can jump
in a rosebush ♪
♪ And come out
smelling like sh... ♪
♪ Those misters
dressed in blue ♪
♪ Never done so right by me ♪
♪ Some of the times
I was innocent ♪
♪ But the judge said guilty ♪
♪ I'm not one to complain ♪
♪ Son, I tell you true ♪
♪ Tell the truth,
boy, tell the truth ♪
♪ When the black cats
cross your trail, Lord ♪
♪ God, it comes
in pairs of two ♪
♪ Misery times two ♪
♪ Double trouble ♪
♪ That's what my
friends all call me ♪
♪ Double trouble ♪
♪ Double trouble ♪
♪ I said, double trouble ♪
♪ T-R-O-U-B-L-E ♪
♪ Double trouble ♪
♪ ♪
Wow!
♪ Well, I was born
down in the gutter ♪
♪ With a temper as hot as fire ♪
♪ Spent 90 days on a peat farm ♪
♪ Just doin' the county's time ♪
♪ Well, now, even Mama ♪
♪ Said, "Son, you're bad news" ♪
♪ Bad news ♪
♪ And it won't be
too long before ♪
♪ Someone puts one through you ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Double trouble ♪
♪ That's what my
friends all call me ♪
♪ Double trouble ♪
♪ Double trouble ♪
♪ I said, double trouble ♪
♪ T-R-O-U-B-L-E ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Double trouble ♪
♪ That's what my
friends all call me ♪
♪ Double trouble ♪
♪ Double trouble ♪
♪ I said, double trouble ♪
♪ T-R-O-U-B-L-E ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
- [whispering]
- Wake up, sunshine.
[Harry Nilsson's "Gotta Get Up"]
[alarm beeping]
♪ Gotta get up, gotta get out ♪
♪ Gotta get home before
the morning comes ♪
♪ What if I'm late,
got a big date ♪
♪ Gotta get home 'fore
the sun comes up ♪
♪ Up and away, got a big day ♪
♪ Sorry can't stay, I
gotta run, run, yeah ♪
Drop trou, baby, it's
time for your vitamins.
♪ Gotta let the people
know I'm gonna be late ♪
♪ Gotta get up, gotta get out ♪
♪ Gotta get home before
the morning comes ♪
♪ What if I'm late,
got a big date ♪
♪ Gotta get home before
the sun comes up ♪
♪ Up and away,
got a big day... ♪
Lookin' good.
Hey, maybe I should get
on some of that juice.
Nah, you're good just like that.
- I am?
- [laughs]
- You gonna mess up my eyeliner.
- Mm-hmm.
[knock at door]
This just got dropped off.
Delivery from Florida.
Mm.
Mother-fuck!
[lively percussive music]
[tiger roars]
That bitch
had the fuckin' gall to sue me!
For makin' a website?
Copyright infringement my
ass. It was a fuckin' prank!
I thought it was hilarious.
It was fuckin'
hilarious, wasn't it?
Mm-hmm.
And I'm actually glad
I waited for this
special occasion to
drop this bomb on her,
'cause it's carpe
fuckin' diem, am I right?
Damn right.
- All right, let's roll.
- Okay.
[camera beeps] Three, two...
Good morning, world.
I'm Joe Exotic.
Welcome to the first edition
of what I like to call.
"The Saga of the
Little Cat Rescue"
down in Tampa, Florida.
And boy, have I got an extra
special treat for you tonight.
Carole Baskin's diary!
Excuse me while I
put on my glasses
because I'm goin' fuckin' blind
from lookin' at
Carole's ugly ass.
Today, we're gonna reveal
why Carole may have killed
her former husband, Don Lewis.
Oh, you didn't know
she was married before?
Well, surprise!
'Cause that murderous bitch
is on hubby number three.
That's right... you might
think Carole acts like a saint,
but she's a goddamn monster.
[tiger roars]
[hissing]
Is this awesome or ridiculous?
[snickering]
It's perfect.
And people love the Big
Cat Rescue Calendar,
and they're gonna
love you in it.
Okay. Bingo, we have a winner.
[knock at door] Come in.
Oh, Howie, say hello
to Miss December.
Oh.
Uh...
What's wrong?
We have a problem.
And then Carole writes,
"My patience and long suffering
"are qualities to
which I am known for.
But there is a limit
to what I can stand."
Clearly there was a limit.
Did you feed Don to your tigers?
Did you bury him under
your septic tank?
Or maybe you ground him up in
that meat grinder of yours!
And if you're listening, Carole,
this is just the beginning,
'cause I got pages and
pages to get through,
and nothin' to do
but fuck with you!
[tense music]
It was uploaded a few hours ago.
[sighs]
[keyboard clacks]
Was that really your diary?
I just don't understand
how he got his hands on it
because the only place that
I bring my laptop is to work.
So it must've been a
staff member or an intern.
So we need to shore up security
so this never happens again.
Carole?
Yeah?
Don't you even want to
discuss what he said?
He brought up Don.
I don't care what him and his
12 followers think about me.
He has no idea what I've
been through in my life.
♪ ♪
- Stop it!
- [children laughing]
- You can't sit there.
- That's our bench.
Stop it.
Your brother was in our turf.
First off, you can't be in turf.
One can only be
on someone's turf.
Secondly, it doesn't
belong to you.
Get out of here, you and
your stupid briefcase.
[in slow motion] You
cross-eyed, nasty...
♪ ♪
Oh!
"Let every man be swift to hear,
"slow to speak, slow to wrath;
For the wrath of man worketh
not the righteousness of God."
At Holy Cross, we
pray for our enemies.
We do not retaliate.
I was defending my brother.
That is no excuse.
But he's the one who started it.
He's a Neanderthal.
Nobody likes a know-it-all.
I would suggest a
dose of humility.
Mom, I didn't do anything wrong.
Apologize to that boy.
Right now.
[tense music]
[sighs] I'm sorry.
[Paul Anka's "Everything
is Super Now" plays]
- [door opens, closes]
- ♪ Everything... ♪
- Hiya, honeybun.
- [sighs]
[keys jangle]
Jamie's at the
sitter's. How was work?
I interviewed ten applicants
for that sales job.
- Ten.
- Huh.
I just don't know why it's so
goddamn hard to find someone.
♪ ♪
Hey, um, if it helps...
I know someone who
might be good for it.
Yeah?
Who?
You?
[snorts]
Well, I said, um...
[laughing]
- Jesus Christ.
- What?
No, I told you I wanted to work.
Oh, come on.
Honey, honey, you really
don't need to worry
your pretty little
face off about that.
I mean, look,
you've got your work cut out
for you right here, don't ya?
- Oh, well, yeah.
- [laughs]
I was gonna do the
dishes after we eat
'cause I was cleaning
the house all day.
Yeah.
You were, huh?
I know what you need.
Why don't you relax while
I finish making dinner?
♪ ♪
Yeah, this is not Michelob.
I know. I'm sorry.
They were out.
So you can't even figure out
how to get the right beer
for your husband, but
you want to go to work?
Is that right?
- I'm... I said I was sorry.
- [chuckles]
I went to three
places and tried.
Carole, Carole.
Come on.
Like, how hard is it
to run a household?
I am out there busting my
ass every single goddamn day
so you can have a nice life.
[tense music]
What else do I gotta do?
Do I... do I have to show
you how to use a goddamn mop?
Is that what you want me to do?
Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey!
Ah!
♪ ♪
You shouldn't have done that.
[softly] I'm sorry.
You shouldn't have done that.
You shouldn't have done that.
You should not have done that!
Carole!
♪ ♪
Carole.
Carole!
Carole, you get back here!
♪ ♪
[Redbone's "Come And Get
Your Love" playing on radio]
♪ ♪
Hey, are you all right?
Miss, you all right?
I'm fine, thank you.
Where are you going?
I don't know.
What are you doing out here?
I'm tired. I'm angry.
I just threw a
potato at my husband
and I ran out of the house, so
I don't exactly have a plan.
But thank you for checking in.
You didn't ask me.
I'm hungry, I'm
tired, and my wife,
she just threw me out too.
There were no potatoes
involved, but...
I got no place to go, either.
♪ What's the matter
with you feel right ♪
♪ Don't you feel... ♪
- What do you want?
- I don't want anything.
Sounds like things are bad
at home for both of us.
Maybe, I don't know.
Why not be a little
bad together?
[laughing]
Hop in.
No. No.
I am not getting in the
car with some weirdo
just because he asked.
Okay, I get that.
[unzipping]
Maybe you'd feel safer
if you held onto this.
What? What the fuck?
Hey, if I make a wrong move,
you can blow my head off.
[ethereal music]
♪ ♪
Go ahead, take it.
[gun clicks]
Hello, I'm Carole.
What's your name?
It's Bob. Bob Martin.
- Okay.
- [laughs]
Well
nice to meet you, Bob Martin.
[laughing] This is crazy.
It's nice to meet
you, too, Carole.
[laughs]
[upbeat rock music]
Hot damn, boys, keep it up!
This place is comin' together
faster than an altar
boy's legs after mass.
Hey, what is all
the commotion about?
- Hey, Rink.
- Nice of you to show up.
Where the hell you been?
Had to get my other
leg amputated, Joe.
I told you that.
- Shit.
- You look like the Terminator.
You doin' all right?
- Yeah, don't hurt no more.
- Good.
So you wanna tell me
what the hell's going on?
I realized Carole Baskin may
be a snake, but her takin' away
my road shows might be the best
thing that ever happened to me.
Did he hit his
head or something?
You know how Walt Disney
made a gazillion dollars?
He got people to
come to his park.
You know?
'Cause of some cartoon
fuckin' mice that talk.
And your point is what, exactly?
We can get people to come here.
Right, make the
whole goddamn place
into a tourist attraction.
I'm talkin' stage,
bleachers, gift shop...
This place could be
a regular Exoticland,
you know what I'm saying?
Except with real tigers
instead of the fake shit.
That sounds expensive.
Ever heard of credit cards?
Lookin' good, Crystal.
Keep these boys on it.
What're you doing there, Joe?
Thought you had a
meeting with your lawyer.
Shit.
We gotta respond to
the Baskins' suit.
I got a response.
"Fuck off!"
[laughs]
That's not exactly
a legal response.
You toured under their
company's name, Joe.
You created a fake website to
intentionally deceive people.
- So?
- So that's illegal.
And unless we play this smart,
they're gonna clean you out.
What are you gonna do to
make this lawsuit go away?
You really want it gone?
What do you think?
I'm bleeding here! I
got plans for the park.
Well, I would advise that
you dissolve the fake website
and you apologize to the Baskins
for flying a chopper
over their sanctuary.
And then maybe they'll
consider dropping the suit.
[laughing] Apologize.
You want me to apologize?
Well, it would be considered
an act of good faith.
It would be considered bullshit!
They came at me first!
Hell, I should sue them!
Not a bad idea.
Yeah.
They ain't the only ones
who can play that game.
Let's see how they like it.
I thought you wanted
this to go away.
If they wanna sue me
for a million dollars,
I'm gonna sue them for two.
Shit.
Why not five?
Why not 15?
Yeah.
[mischievous music]
We're gonna sue that
bitch for $15 million.
[country music
playing over radio]
Damn, it feels good to punch
that she-devil, don't it?
After what she did to you?
She got it comin'.
You really got my
back, don't you?
'Course I do.
♪ ♪
I love you.
Well, good.
'Cause I fuckin' love you, too.
[both chuckle]
[cell phone rings]
Yeah, Fred, what is it?
Okay, hang on.
There's another straggler
at the bus stop.
Do we need another pair
of hands at the park?
Yeah, why not?
That's a yeah.
♪ ♪
[keys jingle, engine stops]
Hey, kid, lookin' for work?
Why you askin'?
My buddy calls me when somebody
gets off the bus
and then don't move.
So what happened?
[sighs]
I came all the way
down here from Texas
thinkin' I had a gig
at this refinery.
Only now I find out
that my cousin's friend
is totally full of
shit. [chuckles]
How's your day going?
Well, I own a zoo a few
miles down the road.
We're doin' some building
if you want some work
and a place to stay.
What's the catch?
No catch.
I just know what it's like
to need a hand is all.
And hell,
half the guys at my park
just got outta jail
or rehab or worse...
Marriage.
Or if you want, I'd be just
as happy to buy you a meal.
What's your name, son?
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
I'm Travis Maldonado.
Damn nice to meet you, Travis.
I'm Joe.
I have a present.
What?
Joe is suing us for
$15 million, honey.
[laughing]
What? Oh, my God.
He's saying we
slandered his name
and we caused him
a loss of earnings.
[laughing]
A lawyer had to type
that whole thing.
It's been a while since
I've practiced law,
but this doesn't look
like a very strong case.
No, my love. No, it doesn't.
On the other hand,
if it goes to a jury,
there's always a risk.
Trials can be unpredictable.
However...
There might be a way to rein
this in before it goes too far.
Uh-huh.
If we enter into a mediation,
we can offer to drop our suit
in exchange for concessions.
And what in our dealings with
Joe Exotic would lead you
to believe that he'd
be open to compromise?
Well, he is a businessman.
And right now, his
business is struggling.
Carole, hear me
out. Hear me out.
Since Joe put out that
video, how much work
have you gotten done on
your legislation initiative?
None.
That's where your
attention is needed.
This might be a long shot,
but I don't think this has to
descend into an all-out war.
I mean, this could
be our off-ramp...
Vroom... from Joe Exotic.
You like that? [Both chuckle]
Give it some time.
You drive me wild, Howie.
Bring me something
hard next time.
[camera beeps, shutter clicks]
Smile, Thunder.
You and me about
to make the sexiest
goddamn billboards in Oklahoma.
Ain't that right, Bubba? Yeah.
Hey, Rink!
How do I look?
- [chuckles] I don't know.
- Maybe it's a little much?
Who you talking to?
You can't never have too
much of a good thing.
[chuckles] I beg to differ.
Hey, how's the new
kid settling in?
- [phone buzzing]
- Mm, so far, so good.
I got Saff showin'
him the ropes.
- Hey, Joe?
- Yeah.
Lawyer's calling.
Oh, shit.
Hang on a second.
Yeah, what kinda crap's that
bitch pullin' this time?
Oh, shit.
You gotta be fucking kidding me.
Guess who's headin' to Oklahoma?
That bitch is comin' here with
her tail between her legs!
[all cheering]
[energetic music]
[tiger roaring]
♪ ♪
Is this normal?
It is here, man.
Welcome to the GW Zoo, baby.
Thank you so much for filling
in on such short notice.
Our regular quartet
had a conflict
and the cats would
be so disappointed
if they didn't get their
musical enrichment, so...
Much obliged.
This is for the cats?
Yes, of course.
If you take requests, I would
start with something baroque,
a Vivaldi, and then segue
into something 20th century,
you know?
Shostakovich, whatever you got.
Have fun. Good luck.
Don't mess up. [Chuckles]
The leader of the other
quartet got arrested.
Oh, no.
I hope they work out.
How are you feeling?
You know, about the mediation...
- Oh.
- And all that.
Well, Howard's optimistic.
Well, hopefully, he's
able to get those
awful videos stopped, so...
I'm sorry, videos, plural?
There's three.
More on the way, it sounds like.
[somber string music playing]
♪ ♪
Some of the stuff
from your diaries,
I, uh, I am sorry that you
had to go through it alone.
I did not go through it alone.
Besides, everything
that we go through
makes us who we are, right?
I mean, your childhood was
not a walk in the park,
but would you have become the
strong and courageous woman
that you are today if
all that hadn't happened?
I don't think so.
So ultimately, it was
for the best, right?
Right.
- You know what I always say...
- If things were easy,
we would never know
what we were capable of.
Yes.
[sighs]
[dreamy music]
There's an item up for
bids, it is item 259...
When do the llamas come out?
Do I look like I
run this auction?
Excuse me.
I think they're
after the bobcat.
Oh, thank you.
Russ Tuttle.
What do you want a llama for,
if you don't mind my asking?
- Don Lewis.
- Hey.
I own some land, and, uh,
llamas are good for
clearing out the grass.
They're his little landscapers.
[chuckles]
Remind me to stop at the
store on the way home.
Do you want burgers or
casserole for dinner?
- [chuckles]
- What's the difference?
You're cooking it, it's gonna
taste like shit either way.
[auctioneer chanting]
- 300.
- 300, 300.
Hit 'em up, hit 'em up, hit
'em up, hit 'em up now...
- Good luck.
- That bobcat's adorable.
Huh.
She'll look even better stuffed.
- What?
- I'm a taxidermist.
I'm gonna club her in the head
and make a decoration outta her.
- Excuse me.
- 400!
400, 400 lookin' for five.
I'll take 450, hit 'em up now...
♪ ♪
- 500.
- Hey, what are you doin'?
[auctioneer chanting]
550.
He's gonna kill that cat. 600.
Carole, stop.
650.
Sorry, I have to do this. 700.
- 750!
- 750, 750...
- 800.
- 800, 800...
850.
- Nine!
- $900 for the bobcat.
Hello.
Jamie, why don't you
go into my bedroom
and finish your homework
before your dad gets here?
Okay?
Don.
What the hell is all this stuff?
Well, I met this guy
who gave me a steal
on these loose car parts.
[laughs] A "steal" being
the operative word, my dear.
None of my business
how he got 'em.
Did you give him your real name,
or do you just reserve
the fake names for me?
Had to make sure you
weren't after my money.
You know, can't be too careful.
Some people know I got a
lot more than it looks like.
And I told you my real
name eventually, didn't I?
You sure did, baby.
Um, can you help me
with the grinder?
I'm making meatloaf.
Sure.
No garlic, as per your request.
Good.
Thank you.
Okay, um...
Don?
Don, I want to talk to
you about something.
Uh-huh. Later.
Honey?
See?
You say the yard is
full of crap, but...
I just have to wait till
I find the right part.
Yeah, look at that.
So I was at the bank today,
changing out those rolls
of coins like you asked...
- I'm trying to focus.
- I know.
But I... I overheard the
bank manager talking about
how they have these
distressed mortgages for sale.
Carole.
I got a lot to do today.
You see, the bank is selling
these distressed mortgages
at a discount because it's
easier than foreclosing,
but if we buy them,
then the tenant pays
us like we're the bank.
- Look at this.
- I can get good cash for this.
[playful music]
You've got a few lots that
aren't generating much income,
but this could be a whole
new business for us.
My lots are doing just
fine, thank you very much.
If these mortgages are so great,
why wouldn't the
bank hold on to them?
Because it's not worth
the time it takes
for them to turn a profit,
but it's worth it for us.
- For us, it's real money.
- Give it a rest, Carole.
I'm gonna go bury
this in the backyard.
Don.
Don... you know me. I am
a natural businesswoman.
I just have never had a... A
business to be the woman of.
Please, Don!
Please.
I'll have those notarized and
sent over to you right away.
Okay. Thank you very much.
Bye-bye.
[upbeat music]
Did you just flip the
house on Schillington?
- That I did.
- [chuckles]
That's three this summer.
Look at you, little
mogul in the making.
Didn't know you had it in you.
I did.
Well, I suspected.
Don.
Guess who just
flipped another house?
Carole's bringing in
more money than you, Don.
Well, good for her.
[phone rings]
Hello, it's Anne.
One moment.
Carole, it's Jamie's school.
[whispers] Mike never
came to pick her up today.
She's been waiting by
herself for over an hour.
Someone's on their
way. Thank you.
[door opens]
[door closes]
Ta-da.
This is it.
Um, what do you think?
Ho... how long's
Dad gonna be gone?
Um, well,
to be honest, I don't know.
He didn't tell me how
long he was going for,
and he didn't even tell
me that he was leaving.
Um, so...
[sighs]
Could be a few months,
could be a little more.
Um...
But the good thing is,
you get to live here
with me and Don.
Not in the house.
[somber music]
♪ ♪
I tried, sweetie.
I... I really tried.
But you know Don likes things
how he likes things.
And, um...
But it's almost
like this is better,
'cause you kinda have
your own apartment.
And we can hang out in here
and have girl time,
and, you know.
Sampson's birthday's
is coming up.
I was gonna make him
a Sardini Martini.
- Remember those?
- Mm-hmm.
So, um...
I think it's good.
I think it's...
Um...
I'm gonna go get you a
bigger pillow because
you've just got a bunch
of little ones here.
[sighs] Okay.
♪ ♪
[sniffles]
[printer beeps and whirs]
[inhaling and exhaling]
[tires screech]
[breathing heavily]
Carole, he's on the phone.
Not now.
Hey, Ed, hey, Ed, I'm gonna
have to call you back.
[phone slams]
What's wrong with you?
[panting]
The money from my real
estate account is gone.
So?
So you were the only other
person who had access to it.
Yeah, I'm buyin' some
land in Costa Rica.
- Can I get back to my call now?
- What...
No, I need that money
to grow my business.
You have to put it back.
Who do you think you're
talkin' to, Carole?
I'll do whatever I damn
well please with that money.
It is my money.
- I earned it.
- [laughs]
Well, you're smart.
Go earn some more.
- So this is how it's gonna be?
- You're just gonna take my money?
You know, when I met you,
you were wandering the
streets like a goddamn hobo.
You weren't even wearing shoes.
Everything you have in
this world is 'cause of me.
So you apologize.
Apologize for barging in here
so I can get back to work.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that, uh,
I am so much smarter
than you. [laughs]
I am so much better
at this shit than you
that you can't even see
how much better I am at it.
[laughs]
Are you done?
[tense music]
♪ ♪
Hey, Ed, sorry about
that. Where were we?
Uh-huh.
Sure, I... I can be there.
Yeah, sure, I can...
Yeah, I can be there.
♪ ♪
[phone rings]
- Hello?
- Carole, it's Anne.
Have you heard from Don?
Um, last I heard from him,
he was going to Costa Rica.
But that was a
few days ago. Why?
Well, I've been trying him,
and it's not like him
not to return my calls.
- Oh, yeah?
- [scoffs]
Sometimes I don't hear from
him for days on end, so...
I'm worried something
happened to him.
Mm-hmm.
Like,
so do you want me to...
Should I call the police?
Yes, Carole.
I think your husband's missing.
Call the police.
Oh, my goodness.
Okay.
Um, I will. Thank you, Anne.
Thank you.
Hey, do you think
that this is okay?
Now that is what I
call a Sardini Martini.
Just needs
the finishing touch.
And we're off.
Both: ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
♪ Happy birthday, dear Sampson ♪
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
Now, Joe, mediation is like
a legal proceeding, okay?
So best behavior, yeah?
I can't wait to finally
look that bitch in the eye.
Hope I don't turn to stone!
Off to a good start.
[suspenseful music]
♪ ♪
Well.
Now that we're all here,
why don't we get started?
Where the fuck is Carole?
I'm Howard Baskin.
I'm Carole's husband and
I'm here on her behalf.
We are hopeful that we
can all be reasonable
and come to some sort
of equitable agreement.
Please, have a seat.
No!
I come all the way
to Oklahoma City,
and that demon woman
don't even have the balls
to face me herself?
- Bullshit!
- Okay, sir,
- your language is not...
- And I ain't talking
to her limp dick husband
who's only probably
here 'cause he's afraid
she's gonna do him the
way she did her last one!
Hey, she started this fight!
And now, what, she's
pissed that I'm givin' her
a taste of her own...
What she deserves?
No one deserves this, Joe.
Not Carole. Not me.
Certainly not the cats
who were scared
out of their minds
when you flew that
chopper over their heads.
I think it's best
if we focus on what we
can accomplish here today.
Ah, easy for you to fuckin' say.
You ain't got that goddamn
woman tryin' to throw you out
in the fuckin' streets...
Excuse my fuckin' French.
She acts all high and mighty
when she's talkin' about
saving the animals,
but when it comes to
people like us, you know,
she don't give a shit when
she's in there shankin' me!
Maybe she'd have more of a heart
if I had fur and a fuckin' tail!
That soul-suckin'
gorgonzola of a she-bitch,
she's just clawin' at
me like some kinda...
[mellow sitar music]
♪ ♪
I'm talking about a
husband holocaust!
- 290 for that?
- [phone ringing]
Oh.
Hello?
Ah.
I just wanted to hear a
friendly voice for a change.
My God, is it that bad?
Every time he opens his mouth,
it's just like
one of his videos.
The mediator can
barely get a word in.
Well, I'd say I'm
sad I'm not there,
but we all know that's a lie, so
[chuckles] No, we
made the right call.
Your presence here
would've only made him
more riled up, if
that's even possible.
How are you?
I am fine.
One of our properties
is becoming vacant,
- so I think I'm gonna list it.
- Oh.
Well, you know what's
best. You're the pro.
Mm.
I miss you, Howie.
I miss you, too.
I'll be home soon.
Okay. Mwah, good luck.
Thanks, love you.
[sighs]
Good evening, world!
I'm Joe Exotic, and
here's another episode
of "The Saga of the
Little Cat Rescue."
Let's hear some more from
our friend Carole Baskin.
"God knows the truth.
"He knows the real me that
I try to hide from people.
"Sometimes, I can't
get out of bed.
"I'm so afraid.
What should I do if this
misery doesn't go away?"
Well, Carole, I'll tell ya.
Maybe you shoulda
done us all a favor
and just killed yourself.
But apparently, you're too
chicken shit even for that.
[drink pouring]
[sighs]
Excuse me.
You know, it's nothing personal.
What?
All that stuff I said in there,
I didn't mean anything
against you or the others.
[drink pouring]
It was hurtful, Joe.
Yeah, I know it was, but
takes two to tango,
though, don't it?
What do you want, Joe?
I mean, if it's just to yell
at somebody, you did that.
You actually want
to keep fighting?
Of course not.
I'm tired of all this bullshit.
I'm gettin' a goddamn ulcer.
Then what do you want?
I just wanna go back
to when it was simple.
Just me and the animals.
Well, we want this to end too.
But in order for that to happen,
we both have to give a little.
And for the love of
God, the name calling...
It has to stop.
[soft dramatic music]
♪ ♪
All right, do you want
to go back in there
and try and figure this out?
All right.
Hi. Can I help you?
Carole Baskin?
Yes.
My name is Mia Kay.
I live at your Kennesaw
Street property.
- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, hi, Mia, how are you?
I'm not bad, I'm sorry
to show up to your home.
I just wanted to
do this in person.
Okay.
I know that I'm
late on my payments
and I'm working on
getting them together,
but I just lost my job,
and I have a four-year-old son.
Oh, you know, I was
a single mom, too.
So you know. You get it.
I get it.
And trust me, the
best thing you can do
is to seize control
of your life.
You can do it.
You have the power to achieve
anything you put your mind to.
I'm trying. I really am.
I just need a little
bit more time.
Yeah, you have 15 days,
according to the law.
Are you serious?
One day, you will look back
and you'll see that
I did you a favor.
So I'm supposed to take advice
from the woman who
murdered her husband?
Yeah, I looked you up.
I've seen the videos.
At least I didn't put my husband
through a meat grinder
to get my money.
Excuse me.
I... I did not do
anything to my husband.
And you should see
my meat grinder.
You can't fit a person in there!
[car engine starting] You
can't even fit a hand!
[engine rumbling, fading]
[dreamy music]
♪ ♪
[animals growling]
Afternoon, Mrs. Lewis.
Hello, detectives.
If you're coming to
check on the cats,
you're in luck 'cause they are
feeling extra frisky today.
[chuckles]
We, uh,
we found your husband's
van, Mrs. Lewis.
Uh-huh, where?
About 20 miles south from here.
But unfortunately, there
was no sign of him.
The weird thing is, the
van's seat was pushed back
as if someone much
taller than Don
was driving it.
Uh-huh, that's odd.
I mean, do you know of anyone
that might want to hurt Don?
Well, he did a lot of
shady business deals
with a lot of shady people.
And not to mention all
the women he screwed over,
and their husbands,
and their pimps.
Fidelity was not
Don's strong suit.
Did his indiscretions make
you upset, Mrs. Lewis?
Well, he's my husband, ma'am.
What do you think?
[sighs]
[tense music]
That's from the meat
that we feed the cats.
What did Don say to you again
the night before he left?
I already told you,
he said he was leaving
early, early, early
the next morning.
I'm sorry, am I...
Am I a suspect?
[chuckles]
Great, thank you so much.
[sighs]
What did the lawyer say?
Um, well, turns out,
because all the accounts
are in Don's name,
and Don hasn't
been declared dead,
I don't have access
to any of our money.
And, uh, I can't
pay the mortgage,
and so I can't feed
the cats, and, uh,
I can't feed us, and I, um,
I can't get to the real
estate files because
they're locked in the office,
and I don't know what to do.
I don't know what to do.
Hey. Hey.
It'll be okay.
Why don't... why
don't you just...
Just sit down and, um,
and have some food.
And then... and then
you'll be able to think
and then we can figure
out what we're gonna do.
[sentimental music]
[sighs] Okay.
- Okay.
- Okay, okay.
Okay.
- [dishes clinking]
- Okay.
We're good.
- Um, I'm gonna go to bed.
- Okay.
Love you.
Hey, Mom?
I really like my new bedroom.
Well, good.
[chuckles]
Jamie.
Yeah?
I'm gonna get us out of this.
I'm gonna fix it, I promise.
I know.
Good night.
[dreamy music]
♪ ♪
[sirens whooping]
Keep your hands up!
Keep 'em up!
Officers, I promise there
is an explanation for this.
Carole?
It's okay, I know her.
Carole.
What are you doing here?
You can't just
bust in like this.
- Why can't I just bust into...
- I'm his wife.
And everyone's acting like I
did something wrong
or something, and...
Carole.
I heard your fight
before Don went missing.
You took days to
call the police.
And now you're breaking
into his office?
None of it looks good.
What are you saying?
You think I did
something to Don?
Carole, I know how much money
Don had squirreled away.
And ironically, I can't
get my hands on any of it.
Not yet.
But maybe that's what you've
been after this whole time.
I can't believe this.
Anne.
If I wanted to get my
hands on Don's money,
I could've gotten rid
of him a long time ago.
Especially after the
way that he treated me
and the way he
treated my daughter.
I know you know what
I'm talking about.
I don't miss him.
Not for one second.
But I didn't kill him.
I'm the victim here.
[tense music]
I wish I could
believe you, Carole.
♪ ♪
[keys jingling]
Hello, my love.
[chuckles]
My knight, home from battle.
Oh, man.
You look like you
could use a drink.
[groans] Indeed.
[sighs]
A celebratory one.
I think we may
actually have a deal.
What?
After all the
excruciating rhetoric,
we found a path forward.
[gasps]
In exchange for
dropping our lawsuit,
Joe has agreed to
no more road shows
and no more cub breeding.
Wow.
So, like, how would
he make money?
Long term, he wouldn't.
He doesn't realize it yet,
but Joe Exotic is finished.
Huh.
We can move on from Joe.
It's over.
Well, we can't take
him at his word.
Oh, no, if he breaks the rules,
the agreement is null and void.
But he doesn't want these
lawsuits any more than we do.
That much is clear.
How long do you think it'll
take for him to bleed out?
Without knowing his
finances, it's hard to say.
A year, maybe two?
What if he has a strong year?
Or he gets an
inheritance or something?
Carole, there's always some
degree of uncertainty here,
but this is a good deal for us.
Yeah.
Yeah.
No.
No, I'm sorry.
[groans]
I'm sorry, Howard.
I know you worked so hard
on this, but, um, no.
No, I can't accept that.
All right, well, just...
Think about the
implications here.
I am thinking about the
implications, thank you.
If you reject the
deal out of hand,
the lawsuits recommence.
- We go back to fighting Joe.
- Yeah, so be it.
It'll drag you away from
what's really important.
Howard, this is important!
There are people who might
view this decision to walk away
as unreasonable.
Well, luckily for me, I
learned a long time ago
that people are gonna judge
me and call me a bitch
no matter what I do.
Does this have anything
to do with Joe's videos?
The things he's been
saying about you?
You know what, Howard?
I know no one's gonna give
me a medal for fighting back.
Women who fight back
get burned at the stake.
And I know that.
But what I need
is for my one
friend in the world
to have my back.
[sniffs]
[soft dramatic music]
You know this is your call.
♪ ♪
And I support you 100%.
Thank you.
So it's war?
- It's war.
- Mm-hmm.
Hey, Joe.
[chuckles] You all right?
What are you doing in
here all by yourself?
[chuckles]
Well, the lawsuit
I thought was over
is back on.
[sighs]
I don't get it.
You know, I gave her
everything she wanted, and
she still wouldn't
take the deal.
Does she really
hate me that much?
I don't know how
anybody could hate you.
You're one of the nicest
people I've ever met.
You took me in, and
you gave me a home.
You didn't have
to do any of that.
I'm glad you're here, Travis.
I want you to know you're
welcome to stay here
as long as you want.
If you like it, that is.
Are you serious?
[laughs] I would...
I would love it.
Man, I love it here so much.
I've never been anywhere
like this in my entire life.
I can't believe how
many animals you have.
Can't never be too
much of a good thing.
[both chuckle]
Yeah.
- Can I ask you something?
- Sure.
You watch porn?
[Lynyrd Skynyrd's
"Double Trouble"]
♪ 11 times I been busted ♪
♪ 11 times I been to jail ♪
♪ Some of the times
I been there ♪
♪ Nobody could go my bail ♪
♪ Well, it seems
to me, Lord, that ♪
♪ This ol' boy just don't fit ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Well, I can jump
in a rosebush ♪
♪ And come out
smelling like sh... ♪
♪ Those misters
dressed in blue ♪
♪ Never done so right by me ♪
♪ Some of the times
I was innocent ♪
♪ But the judge said guilty ♪
♪ I'm not one to complain ♪
♪ Son, I tell you true ♪
♪ Tell the truth,
boy, tell the truth ♪
♪ When the black cats
cross your trail, Lord ♪
♪ God, it comes
in pairs of two ♪
♪ Misery times two ♪
♪ Double trouble ♪
♪ That's what my
friends all call me ♪
♪ Double trouble ♪
♪ Double trouble ♪
♪ I said, double trouble ♪
♪ T-R-O-U-B-L-E ♪
♪ Double trouble ♪
♪ ♪
Wow!
♪ Well, I was born
down in the gutter ♪
♪ With a temper as hot as fire ♪
♪ Spent 90 days on a peat farm ♪
♪ Just doin' the county's time ♪
♪ Well, now, even Mama ♪
♪ Said, "Son, you're bad news" ♪
♪ Bad news ♪
♪ And it won't be
too long before ♪
♪ Someone puts one through you ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Double trouble ♪
♪ That's what my
friends all call me ♪
♪ Double trouble ♪
♪ Double trouble ♪
♪ I said, double trouble ♪
♪ T-R-O-U-B-L-E ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Double trouble ♪
♪ That's what my
friends all call me ♪
♪ Double trouble ♪
♪ Double trouble ♪
♪ I said, double trouble ♪
♪ T-R-O-U-B-L-E ♪
♪ ♪