Jep & Jessica: Growing the Dynasty (2016–2017): Season 2, Episode 6 - Snoop, There It Is - full transcript

Okay kids,
y'all can dive in now.

There's apple pie, a praline,

a homemade cinnamon roll.

Everything is homemade here.

Sweet potato pie, the
pecan pie, sugar cookies.

And look,

you can get all you
want and eat it.

What about me?

Well you don't need
another treat.

You lost a lot of weight,
let's keep it that way.

One of the great things about



hanging out with Memaw Kay,

is we get to eat a lot
of good food.

But that's just
once in awhile, right?

How often do we do that?

Every time we see you.

So what's your favorite?

The apple pie.

My favorite is the middle

in the sugar cookie.

It's so mushy and good.

Well, we're-

I'm gonna add some
fruit down there too.

Sweets and eats and fruits,

that sounds good.



Yeah.

Maybe then I t'll
make you mom happy.

Sweets and eats and
a little fruit too.

That's a catchy logo.

I can make a song about that.

Sweets and eats.

And a little fruit too.

Do you know what all this is?

It's a secret recipe.

Why is it a secret?

Well because if everybody
knew how to do it,

then I wouldn't have this shop.

Everybody else would.

Our mom and dad
said secrets are bad,

and we should be honest.

Well do you tell
your mom and dad

what you're get 'em for
Christmas early,

do you?

Yes.

We're gonna go
with another analogy then.

That's good parenting, mom.

Okay, well each one of y'all can

have another treat...

only if you keep it a secret.

All right, who wants another

sugar cookie or praline.

Me.
I want a sugar cookie.

All right.

Al, put your hand down.

Are you sure it's okay?

It's okay as long
as you keep it a secret.

Yes.

I can't wait to have
some biscuits.

It was so nice of your mom

to keep the kids.

See?

She's not an evil mother-in-law.

I never said she was evil.

She's not evil, Jess.

You're so goofy.

I've been there,
to be honest with you.

Get up!

Hey.

Whoa!

What is going on?

Hey, you little gamer.

Kiddo.

What you get?

What is going on?

Y'all a little hyped up today?

Can we have some?

Mom, what is going on?

Why are they so hyped up?

Mom, did you not feed the kids?

Well, I mean they just had just

a couple of snacks
and something to drink.

What did they eat, exactly?

Snacks and things.

Hey, hey.

Samples.

Sample and samples.

How many of these
samples did you give 'em?

Hey, all right, all right.
We're good here.

It wasn't me giving them,

it's what took off-
There was a platter-

Did you give 'em coffee?

Yeah!

Have you ever tried the latté?

I was just joking.

Are you serious?

Acting like they
had an eight ball of sugar.

How much did you eat?

A cinnamon roll, five cookies-

What?!

And...

Five cookies?

They're delicious.

Mom.

The sugar cookies
are to die for.

Mom, you can't give
'em that much sugar.

Sugar is like kid's meth.

It's addictive, it's cheap,

and you can lose your teeth.

That's a terrible way to put it.

But it's true.

We had sugar cookies.

We had pecan pie.

We had this other type of pie,

and we had these
cookies that dad

makes all the time.

And then we got pralines,
with the nuts in 'em.

And, and, and.

So basically you're
saying mom's a dealer.

Pretty much.

I guess we need some morphine

or something.

Kay, do you know moderation?

Do you know what that means?

You know I didn't do good with

big words in school.

And they were suppose
to keep it a secret

and not say they ate
everything in the house.

A secret?

Remember we talked
about secrets?

And you know that
snitches get stitches, so...

See yeah.

We don't keep secrets, okay.

No.

No secrets.

She told us secrets are good.

What?

She's old and senile,

and that's what people say.

All right, look,

y'all go upstairs and play.

No snacks-

Hey, hey, hey!

River, calm down.

Give it to me.

My goodness.

Go upstairs.

Kids are animals.

I'm gonna eat some gummies.

Hey, I know how many gummies

are in that package.

Are you serious?

Kids are just
gonna be kids, Jess.

Seriously?

No!

You're gonna drink
water the rest of your life.

Only water.

Look, everything that you got is

sugar, sugar, sugar.

Seriously?

We need to take a break.

Okay.

All right.

I'm gonna get a lock and put it

on the cabinet-

You can put on lock
on my underwear,

do you want that?

Jep.

This is what I use
to do when I was a kid.

Look.

Don't drink out of that,

then nobody else can drink it.

Your germs.

Exactly.

The kids were wild today.

They ate too much sugar.

I'm telling you,
that's what it is.

We need to cut out sugar
all the way.

Y'all can cut out sugar,
I ain't doing it.

No you have to too.

I can't-

We can't make something
special for you.

Really?

You, without sweet tea?

Yes.
You would do that?

Yeah, of course I will.

Whatever.

Tomorrow, we're starting.

For one week, no sugar.

Tomorrow?

Tomorrow morning, yes.
First thing in the morning.

All right.
Well.

I have to empty out all
those cereal boxes.

Jep.

That is ridiculous.

If you eat all those,
you'll be sick.

You get away
from me, these are mine.

These are my precious.

You are so strange.

What are you talking bout?

Ew.

You all right?

It's like you're making
out with your cookies.

It's gross.

Exactly.

Speaking of making out,

your mom still ain't home.

She must be having a good time.

Jep.

Please.

Maybe they checked into a motel.

And notice I said
motel not hotel.

Motel.

Jep, I do not want to
think about things like that.

She could be a cougar.

Jep

Jep, shh.

I think she's coming in.

Hi.

Hi.

What y'all doing up?

Just waiting for you.

Yeah, we were worried.

It was getting late.
We thought-

You were not waiting on
me to get home surely.

We have curfews.

So what happened?

Why is your hair all messy?

What?

Why are you sweaty?

I'm not sweaty!

The wind was blowing.

Any more questions?

So did you kiss him?

Of course not.

Did he whisper in your ear?

Did he stare at your boobies?

No.

Were your headlights on?

Jessica.

Jep.

I'm not gonna answer that.

Mom.
Kathy.

There's no secrets
in this house.

Our girls tell us everything.

Are you sure about that?

What do they have to hide?

I'm sure there
some things in their diaries

that we don't
necessarily know about,

but they're not big things.

They have diaries?

Yes.

Lily's fourteen.

She's spends a lot
of time reading or writing

in her diary.

You know, kind of
just reflecting

on the day, and like,

who she has a new crush on.

How come you didn't
tell me Lily had diary?

I thought you
knew she had diary.

No.

And I need to know these things.

I'm serious.

I had a diary.

Who was your crush?

I'll never tell.

Was it Benjamin Franklin?

Why do you wanna be so mean?

Throwing that out there.

When you have a
fourteen year old daughter,

you have to make
sure she's doing okay.

Yes, but there are other ways

of doing that.

I mean, we look at her phone.

Yeah, but that's different.

Lots of people get
in contact with

through a phone.

But her diary is personal.

I say we lock her up.

So how many guys
have you made out with now?

Yeah, Kathy.

All right.

I've had enough of
this interrogation.

I'm going to bed.

Is that okay with y'all?

Why are you so tired?

Why are you so worn out
from your date?

I'm just tired
from talking with y'all.

Okay.

It was a nice talk, Kathy.

Give me a break.

I wonder of she has a diary.

We can read her diary.

That's what we need to find.

I would read her diary.

I'd read it.

I'd post it.

Jess, what's for breakfast?

Plain grits.

Boo!

Plain oatmeal.

Boo!

How about some cereal?

No.

Today is a new day.

Daddy and I talked
about it last night,

and this family right here,

is going to get healthy.

Yeah.

So, no more sugars,
for like one week.

I don't think there's
anything beneficial

about sugar.

I mean, all it does
is get you real high,

and then you crash.

It messes up your sleep.

I mean, tell me
one good thing it does.

Tastes yummy.

It's yummy to my tum-tum.

This looks like slop.

Yeah, those are grits.

And it tastes horrible.

Give me some jelly, babe.

This is full of refined sugar.

That's sugar free.

No, it's not sugar free.

I'm scared I'm gonna
have withdrawals.

Well.

I might be abled
up in the corner sweating.

What are you gonna do then?

Jep.

Well, I'm just
saying you better have

a couple if lollipops handy.

Look, we're getting
this family healthy-

Don't do it.

Ew.

See all that
sugar in it, it's just-

Jess, you want a spanking?

Is that what you want?

Cause I'll give you one.

Go spank her real hard, dada.

All right, I'm being serious.

We're doing this.

Well give me a banana then.

You can have a banana, see.

We're compromise.

It's all about compromise.

All right, so we're gonna
go to the grocery store,

y'all wanna come with me?

Yay.

Sounds fun.

Yay.

Ooh.

We can even make some
healthy treats.

Y'all wanna make some
like sugar free cookies?

We can try it.

That's not gonna work out.

I'll throw up and then I'll die.

Seriously.

We can start looking into
trying to make-

Buddy, you like that egg?

That's one-way to make a mess.

Thank you.

All right y'all, hurry up.

Finish up.

We'll get a bunch
of ingredients.

All right.
I'll get jackets.

All right kids, let's tighty up.

You want the green jacket?

No.

It's black.

What do we have here?

All right, I found your jacket.

Thanks, babe.

You get him?

Let me see my little buster.

I got a few things to do.

Yay, dada!

You going on your date in your

Mick Jagger jacket?

Not funny.

Okay.

Have fun.

Don't kiss on the first date.

I don't.

Never.

Or anything else.

Bye.

All right.

Make wise decisions.

Quiet house.

Tell you what,

think we ought to
look at daddy's prize.

All right.

How do you get into this thing?

Don't let 'em get to first base.

Don't worry, that won't happen.

We need to check on your sister,

make sure she's thinking
about good things.

What do you think, bubu?

Do you think this is
good parenting?

If you don't say anything,

I'm taking that as a yes.

All right.

Shoot.

Wait just a minute.

You tell me right now.

If you speak up right now,

tell me I shouldn't do it,
I won't do it.

If you don't speak up,

I'm gonna get in there.

Hey, who are you talking to?

I'm talking to Gus.

Forgot my purse.

Yeah, I was trimming my nails.

Your what?

I was just trimming my nails.

I was just like-Getting long.

See that?

You're so weird sometimes.

I couldn't find the clippers.

Why are you acting weird?

I'm not acting weird.

You're sweating.

He's heavy.

It's like your eye-

Your glasses are fogging up

you're sweating so much.

I know.

He's-he's-

This boy weighs
like forty pounds now.

Jep.

I'm not.

It's like your nervous
about something.

Nervous?

All right, love you.

I gotta go.

I drank a lot of coffee.

Okay.

That was a close one.

That's not good.

My goodness.

Crap.

Hey, bud.

Hey.

Well, here is the problem.

I can't believe
you're trying to get in

your daughter's diary.

Why are you trying to do that?

Because I love her,

and I want the best for her.

And I wanna find
out what's going

on in her life.

You never looked in
your daughter's diary?

No!

There's just some
things you just don't do.

Well, but,

I was thinking if I leanred-

What kind of daddy are you?!

I would say I'm fair to good.

I would never want
anybody to read my diary.

That's a good one.

You're serious.

Well yeah.

Let's see what can do.

Godwin has this solution.

Supposedly he clean anything.

What's your cleaner called?

All clean?

Mr. Clean's got
nothing on

Godwin's All Clean.

You look like
Mr. Clean.

I do, don't I.

You like Mr.
Clean after he done went

through a couple of
divorces and spent

a lot of time at the Sizzler.

Lot of buffets.

Buffets ain't got
nothing to with divorces.

Good grief.

Woo!

That does smell.

It's strong,

I'm telling you.

That stinks, Godwin.

Is this safe for the baby?

If it starts smoking,
you might wanna run.

It actually looks really good.

It looks like brownie mix.

Nah.

Fresh, warm cookies.

Who wants one?

No way.

It smells delicious.

It looks horrible.

Y'all are just saying
that 'cause you know

I didn't put sugar in it, okay.

Try it.

It looks like doo-doo.

This is going to
be a good a thing.

We're gonna be much healthier.

And guess what, we're
gonna have more energy,

'cause our bodies are
gonna be like eating good.

What are you doing?

They can't be that bad.

Sugar-free food is terrible.

Anything that says
"sugar-free" on it,

is just terrible already.

I mean, is there anything I can

to a sugarless treat
to make it yummy and tasty?

I know.

Add sugar.

Yup.

What I was gonna say, brilliant.

It's dry, it's hard,
and it feels like Play-Doh.

Why does it taste
like dog treats?

Please.

It tastes like dog's doo-doo.

You want some
sugar-free donuts tomorrow,

is that what you want?

Nope.

Then it would just be bread

in the shape of a donut.

This is true.

Kids love sugar.

And here's why.

It's awesome.

I love donuts!

I'm gonna make another batch.

Maybe you'll like
the next batch.

Let's see about that.

Hey mom, have you seen my diary?

No.

Where did you have it last?

My room.

Well I haven't touched it,

I haven't even seen it.

Where would it be then?

I don't know.

It's not in my room.

I mean, the only
thing I can think of is like,

if Gus got a hold
of it and brought it out.

Gus is never in my room!

I've caught him in your
room a time or two.

Priscilla!

I did not bake these
so you can destroy 'em.

I'm gonna make you eat that.

It is not that bad.

Try it.

Try it.

The only sugar we're
gonna have in

this house is like this-

My gosh, dude.

That's not looking good, dude.

What happened?

My.

You're just gonna
have to come clean.

What's up with your all clean?

That stuff doesn't work,
it just melts it.

This ain't even real leather.

It's probably ostrich
or something.

This should be
Godwin's Janky Clean.

How to jank up somebody's stuff.

Wait.

Look.

She'll never notice.

She'll never notice.

You're just going to paint it?

You don't know
what that's worth.

It's red, look.

My gosh.

You just made that
a thousand times worse.

No.

Look at that.

Don't the paint the pages.

Look, I'm sorry
I messed up her diary.

But you needed to
come clean somehow.

So you did that on purpose?

Well yeah.

You needed to
be taught a lesson.

Well, at this point.

Paint away, dude.

I don't care.

Why would you ruin my
daughter's diary.

You're the one
that threw it in the trash.

I'm gonna ruin your diary.

No you're not.

Well, you're just
gonna have to come clean.

I mean, what if
I just blame it on

the other kids?

Like, I saw River with it.

Or what if I just say...

Look, I saw a random person-

How about just coming clean?

No, I don't wanna do that.

How about I just hide
in your garage?

No.

Jess!

Yeah!

Where you at?

I 'm in the kitchen.
All right.

Cleaning.
Where you been?

Man.

Over at Godwin's.

There.

I gotta sit him down.

That boy's heavy.

Hey butters.

What have you been doing?

Made some yummy cookies.

Sugar-free.

Sugar-free cookies

They look so good, don't they?

I'll try one.

Let me feed you.

Good, isn't it?

Yes it is.

That is good.

Jep!

That is terrible.

Why's your tongue red?

It's not.

Stick out your tongue.

Stick it out.

No.

It's probably form the coco.

Stick your tongue out.

You've been eating Hot Tamales?

Have you?

Do you see Hot
Tamales around here?

I know that's what you like.

Have you been eating 'em?

I can't believe you did this.

You've been caught red tongued.

Jep.

You're so ridiculous.

Well, I'm just saying.

Whatever.

Lily's been looking
for her diary.

You haven't seen it, have you?

You haven't.

I might have seen it.

Jep.

I'll tell you right now,

Gus has a lot to do with this.

It wasn't just me.

Jep, are you kidding me?

You're blaming it on
a one year old?

Well, let me tell you something,

I did not get in here.

And if I would have
and found something crazy,

you'd be thanking me.

It's a thank you
for saving my daughter.

What happened to the diary?

Godwin did that.

Jep.

You're gonna have
to go in there,

and you're gonna tell Lily that

you took her diary.

All right?

Fine.
Whatever.

I didn't look at the thing.

I'll go with you, come on.

That's fine Okay.

Lily.

Lily.

Hey Lily, cleaning your room?

Yes, ma'am.

Good.

Look, your mom has something she

needs to tell you.

No-

I wanna say that your
mom ate sugar-

No.

Don't make this about me.

This is about you.

Daddy has something
really important to tell you.

I do.

I know you're getting older,
your body's changing,

you're going through
weird things.

Okay, that has
nothing to do with it.

I'm just trying
to say that I'm trying

to understand what
you're going through.

This is getting awkward.

So what happened was,

I came in here when
I was getting your jacket,

and I saw this on your bed.

And then it got knocked
in the garbage

where she dumped
peanut-butter and jelly-

This is not my fault.

Godwin messed it all up,

but the important thing is,

I never looked in here.

I never got inside.

What is that?

I think it's your diary.

Well it was you diary.

You know that's a decoy, right?

What do you mean?

What?

It's not my real diary.

I think you need to own up.

What does it matter?

It wasn't her real
diary anyways,

so who cares?

I'm gonna be the bigger
person here, okay.

I admit that I took the candy,

and I shouldn't have.

Okay?

I would not just
leave a diary out

just so you could
come and look into it.

I know you way too well.

I'm sorry for Gus and Godwin,

and for my small role.

There's not even anything in it.

Not even drawings.

So where's your real diary?

I like the way you hide stuff.

I have guns like that hid
all over this house.

I hope not.

That's weird.

That's scary.

I actually feel a lot
better just, you know,

coming clean about y'all.

For you Godwin and Gus.

What?

It's like weight off my chest.

I'm sorry.

Did I lose you trust?

I mean, you still love me-

Yeah, she trusts you a lot.

She has decoys all
over her room.

Well, I'm not mad.

I am disappointed.

That's understandable.

And I'm grateful
for your apology.

Let's hug.

Let's group hug.

Let's hug it out, guys.

But I do wanna know how many

decoys you have.

Hug it out.

Love you.

Okay.

Mmkay.

I'll get rid of this.

I'll keep cleaning.

She has really matured,
hasn't she?

Yeah.

If it wasn't for
you eating all the sugar.

Mom, really has something she

needs to tell everybody.

It's very, very important.

Jep.
Quit playing.

Hurry up.

Okay.

I accidentally,

on purpose ate a little sugar.

Okay?

So, we are going to eat
sugar in moderation.

Everything in moderation,
all right.

That's the lesson.

The main lesson we
learned, kids,

is mom was wrong.

Jep.

Thank you.