Jep & Jessica: Growing the Dynasty (2016–2017): Season 2, Episode 5 - Shock and Bra - full transcript

[upbeat tune]

Jep: Something to drink?

Sure.

Want some blue Kool-Aid?

[buzz]

Is this y'all's?

It's Memaw's I think.

And it ain't got a
passcode on it.

Dad, what are you doing?

I'm on Memaw's phone.

Don't look at her phone!



[buzzing]

Somebody's callin'.

I thought you said that's rude.

Decline.

Dad you shouldn t be doing that.

You don t put a lock
on your phone,

fair game.

Dad.

Oh, she's got a dating app.

Look, y'all look out for me.

And then we're fixin' to
make some contact.

Oh I got one!

How old is he?

Oh it's a younger man.



Oh no.

What do I tell him?

You ever seen a cougar
at the zoo?

You about to meet one
in real life!

Oh gross, no.

No, that's degusting.

Oh here's an old guy.

Seventy-five-year-old.

Okay that's what we need.

Hey, want to break another hip?

[laughter]

What are you gonna text him?

I don t know.

What do I say to this?

Uh, you say-

Potential suitor.

Want to go grab some food?

Let's go for supper at
three o'clock.

She has work!

Three-thirty.

No four, dad.

It takes her awhile to drive
'cause she's old.

That's true.

Very true.

Yeah.

Babies, have y'all
seen my phone?

Lost my phone, again.

Oh here it is.

Never mind.

Yep, yep.

There it is.

See you later.

[giggling]

What are you laughing about?

What?

I just-I was telling them jokes

and they were laughing.

[chuckles]

What did he do?

I don t know.

Next time you want to
go get your nails done

I'm not taking you.

Uh.

Now, what did he do?

Daddy.

He looks guilty.

He kind of got on your phone.

I did you a favor.

[upbeat music]
[ducks quacking]

[upbeat tune]

Hey.

Hey!

How are y'all?

How's old River Man doing?

He's doing good.

You feeling okay, buddy?

Yep.

He's good right now.

He has a little tummy ache.

So River started getting sick

a couple of months ago.

He started running fever
and at first

we thought it was a virus.

It was tough when you don t know

exactly what's wrong with
your kid.

And that you can't do
anything about it.

And so finally, we did
find out that,

you know, he has some
kidney issues.

The doctor said that
we really need

to go to a specialist in Austin.

'Cause we don t have
a pediatric urologist here.

You get to go see a
pee-pee doctor.

Yay!

We were able to get
an appointment

for him this week.

So now we're just hoping
for the best.

I've already made an
appointment,

it's in a couple days.

But I thought, you could stay
here with the girls

so they can stay on their
regular schedules

with school and everything.

Copy.

You ready to go to the
pee-pee doctor?

Huh?

[groans]

I don t like the pee-pee
doctor but-

Jep, so what about my phone?

Did you get on my phone?

Why would you get on her phone?

I got her some dates.

Like going out dates?

Yeah, she's got a dating app.

You have a dating app?

I never really use it.

It's like the Twilight Zone.

You hooking my mom up on dates.

Hold on.

Look.

This one's kind of cute.

You're welcome.

Gross.

Well I might just try to
meet him for coffee.

How old is he?

My age.

That's just weird.

[country tune]

Hey guys, we got to go.

We're running late.

Here's my keys.

Thank you baby!

Here's your wallet.

Yay, what about my phone?

All right, Jess.

Hi babe.

Car's ready.

I know.

River, come downstairs.

It's time to go.

River!

Thanks!

I love you!

Oh!
Ow.

Oh God I'm sorry.

I just punched you right
in the face.

River!

Between Jep and my mom,
the girls and Gus

will be in good hands.

They need to run some errands

I think Lily needs to
go to the mall.

You got this!

We just got to go!

And that way I can have 100%
attention to River.

There he comes!

Super boy!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Kick!

Ow.

Kick!

[chuckles]

As long as Lily and
Merit's there to

change Gus's diapers,
not an issue.

He doesn t like diaper duty.

I don t do doo-doo.

Y'all come, let's give a hug.

Hug!

Hug it out!

Bye friend.

Bye sweetie.

Big squeezes!

Wait, River you escaped!

He snuck out.

All right come on.

All right, love you baby.

See you.

Love you!

Say bye!

We got to go!

Bye River!

I'll call you!

All right, bye.

All right, Kathy.

Why don t you get in
there and rustle us up

something to eat.

What?

Like a bacon and tomato please.

I want some chicken.

And fries!

Do y'all realize I'm
only one person?

Yeah!

Yep.

You playing the part of
Jess and she cooks.

You know how long
that would take me

to do all of those?

Start with the bacon

and then work your way down.

[upbeat tune]

Are you a little nervous buddy?

Yeah.

A lot.

A lot?

Don't be nervous.

I'm gonna be there with
you to hold your hand.

So we made it to Austin.

Now we have a full day of
tests and exams to do.

We're gonna figure out exactly

what's going on with the kidney.

I love you.

I love you too.

The hardest part about
all of this

is not knowing what's
going on and

just seeing your son hurt.

So, we're hoping to
finally figure out what's

going on and how to correct it.

[upbeat tune]

It's gonna be okay, River.

I've had ultra sounds
plenty of times.

All right.

Get one picture over here, okay?

The kidney.

Okay.

We don't know if it's like
the little valves

or if there's was like a stone.

You just can't see it.

It's hard enough for me
to not know the root

of the problem.

But I just really can't imagine

what's going on in River's head.

You're having some pain.

Where's it at?

Can you point to it?

But he is such a
strong boy and you know,

he continues to impress
me through every step.

Jelly for the belly!

[chuckles]

Does that tickle?

You're so silly.

Seeing him be a big boy
and not be down

a lot about this,

it definitely helps me
get through these times.

This is the spine,
that's the kidney,

that's the liver.

Some gas.

Yeah.

You're a gassy kind of guy!

Are you a gassy boy
like your daddy?

Daddy has more.

Daddy has a lot of gas.

Like all guys.

[country tune]

All right, Gus.

Let's go, open that door for me.

All right, y'all need to
think about what you gon' get.

I ain't staying up here all day.

I need a backpack.

Okay, backpack.

I need some socks.

Socks, all right.

Oh and dad, I need to
get more bras.

You don t need no bras!

It's a little intimidating
as a man and dad,

walking around
a department store

just surrounded by bras
and women's undergarments.

I don't bra shop, sorry.

They're just bras.

I don t like the B-word.

Bra.
No.

Why is it hard for dads?

It just is.

Why?

Why is there gravity?

To hold us down.

Exactly.

Why is there bras?

To hold them down.

Now you're starting to get it.

I mean the bras are
just right there.

We can just go.

Don't point at them!

You gon' let Gus see those?

[baby coos]

The bad one's push them out.

And you don t want that, see.

No, they push them up.

Yeah, exactly.

We want to push them down.

You can't push them down.

Down to the ground, yep!

Where you can tuck 'em
in your pockets.

Tuck them in your pockets.

[laughter]

How are you supposed to do that?

We didn t come here to bra shop.

Okay, dad you're telling
me not to wear a bra.

[baby coos]

I got to call your mom.

Hey.

Hey babe.

How's River Man doing?

He's good!

We just got the ultra sound done

and so we're waiting on
the results from that.

But he's doing okay.

All right.

Well look, I'm at the mall

and Lily wants to get bras.

What?

Can't y'all just pick one
up while you're there?

Wait a minute, I ain't
buying no bras

for a fourteen-year-old girl.

Jep!

It's not a big deal.

Yeah it is a big deal.

That's something-

That's mommy and
daughters do that.

Where's mom?

Get her to help.

Your mom's on another date!

Because I set her up on
her stupid dating app

which I thought was funny,

but looking back on it
was a mistake but-

Babe, are you serious?

You're gonna make me
worry about this?

I'm over here.

River may have to have
a procedure.

I can't do everything.

[sighs]

All right, I'll do it, I guess.

But I ain't happy about it.

It s got to be done.

If she needs one now,
she needs one.

Okay?
All right.

Tell River I said hey.

All right, love you.

Bye, love you.

All right, y'all ready?

Let's get to shoppin'.

We're gon' make this
quick and painless.

Where are we going first?

I don t know, we're
doing the bras last.

[country tune]

Hello!

Say hey, Dr. Cortez.

Hey, River how you doing?

I'm good.

We've had a lot of tests run.

I mean of course I want
to know like

is he gonna need surgery?

Is there permanent damage?

So, we were able to
review all of your studies

and lab tests.

And what was most
impressive to me

was the ultrasound.

So River, let's go ahead
and take a look

at your ultrasound.

I just pray that it's not
something detrimental

to his health that we
can correct

whatever's going on.

It's sort of a partial blockage.

He's been getting by it
because it drains,

but it's intermittent.

Okay.

And it's also fortunate
that it doesn t appear

to have significantly
injured the kidney.

Okay.

The first step is to
put a little stint in

and stretch it and dilate
it and see

if we can get by without
surgery.

The stint is a small
thing to do but

potentially could be all
that you need.

Say thank you
Dr. Cortez.

Thank you.

You're gonna be fine.

We know what we're dealing with.

You'll get through it.

We're gonna get you
feeling better, okay?

[country tune]

Dad look at this!

[sighs]

Well, we're bra shopping.

There's just so many, Lil.

I don t know where to
even start.

I mean, how many bras do
you need?

Finding a bra for Lily
is a big deal.

'Cause this is her one and only.

It's gon' last her all
through high school.

No it ain't.

Oh, yeah it is.

No it ain't.

Look at these things!

Who wears that?

Either that or duct tape,
you pick.

Ow!

Duct tape.

That's what I would do
if I was y'all.

Just duct tape them
suckers, just get 'em down.

What if you need to
take a shower?

You peel it off and you reapply.

That would hurt!

That would rip your nipples off.

[chuckles]

[sighs]

I am just lost.

Hi!

How are you guys doing
there today?

Hey, how are you?
Good, good!

You guys out shopping
for yourselves

or someone else?

Uh...

We are actually shopping
for this girl.

She just went through puberty.

Uh...

I don t know if you
remember but things grow,

you know?

Oh I do.

And she needs a
holster pretty much.

Okay dad, I'm gonna go shop.

You're gonna go over here

'cause you're being awkward.

Okay.

Yeah we're gonna
go with her, dad.

Come on ladies!

I'm Cedar, what's your name?

Lily.

Lily, come on back!

No Gus, you ain't
looking at that girl.

You quit looking at all
these bras!

[baby coo]

You ain't ready for that.

[country tune]

[baby babble]

Hey dad.

Hey.

I found one.

Let me see.

Just a regular black one.

Why does it have leopard
print on it?

Dad, I don t-

It's a little flashy, okay?

That's only on the inside so.

Well that don t even
make sense, baby.

This one's fine!

You know what's fine?

This right here.

Try this on for size.

Dad.

They got nude, and
they got black.

Pick your color and tell
me how many you want.

I don t want these.

Let's just say mine
and Lily's opinions

about acceptable undergarments

differ just a little bit.

By a lot.

By a lot.

Dad, how old am I?

Fourteen.

I'm not over sixty though.

What was the granny suit?

Like why would you ever
want me to wear that?

Why wouldn t you
want to wear it?

That thing looked comfortable!

It just covers everything,
you're covered.

But it's just like clothes then.

It's clothes under clothes.

Exactly.

Exactly.

I mean nowadays it's
kind of like the trend

to see the strap.

You know what else is
trendy in this town?

Crystal meth.

Hey it's not always cool
to be trendy.

Look, if all your friends
jumped off a bridge,

would you do it?

Well, actually next
month my friends

are all gonna go bungee jumping.

So I mean, now that we re
talking about it.

Bungee jumping.

Okay dad, so let's
leave the old people section

and go to the
section that's made for

fourteen year olds.

All right.

[sighs]

Could just get some ace bandages

and end this whole deal.

Still haven t found anything.

I mean what about some of these?

I don t-

Did you not just look at those?

They're gaudy.

Hold on.

Oh, it's your mom.

Look, y'all watch Gus,
all right.

Okay.

Hey.

Hey!

What's up?

We're out and we
finally got some results.

And you know, it's not
the worst case scenario

so he doesn t need surgery
right off.

Oh good.

There is a blockage
in the left ureter,

but he's pretty confident
that it can be fixed

hopefully through just
a small procedure

versus having full
blown surgery.

Which, yeah that's a lot better.

That's good.

I just was so scared
about major surgery.

Yeah.

Is he there?

He's right here, you
want to talk to him?

River.

Hey.

Is your wee-wee hurting?

A little bit.

A little bit?

That's okay, It'll get better.

You're a tough little guy!

I can't wait to see you man!

Dad, how's River?

How's River?

Hey, somebody wants
to talk to you.

Hold on a sec.

Hey River!
Hey brother!

We miss you!
Miss you.

Yea we miss you.

Glad you're okay!

We miss you.

Everybody loves and
misses you buddy.

Can't wait to see you, okay?

Yeah we can't wait to see you.

Okay.

Love you, buddy.

Love you!

All right, buckle up buddy.

We're heading home!

[upbeat tune]

What about this one?

I know you're probably
gonna find something bad

about this one.

Well I just don t see
what you need

with lace.

Nobody's ever gonna see it

so why would you have
lace on it?

Just makes it a little
bit more feminine

but not totally mature,
but just a little but feminine.

What's the most
masculine bra you got?

Dad.

I've got a utilitary
bra for sure.

Utilitary, that's what
I'm talking about!

No.

So what else we got?

Hmm.

I like this.

It's a non-wire triangle.

It's really good for comfort,

it gives containment at
all times for her.

Now you're talking my language.

Yes.

I like containment at all times.

Yes, there you go.

I kind of like these too.

Just the nude colors, but-

That's real just plain Jane.

That's what I'm talking about.

That's not off the table.

That has a little bit
more full coverage

than this bra.

I like that one even more.

There you go!

Okay dad, I think
these are good.

Well pick out one baby.

I kind of like this one.

Is that it?

That's the one?

The Holy Grail?

Yes sir.
All right.

I'll take the other
ones for you, sweetie.

Okay!

Well thank you, so much.

Absolutely!

Thank you guys!

All right, you got it.

Are you excited?

Woo!

Proud of you, dad.

All right.

Sometimes in life, as a
dad, you just got to bite

the bullet and do something
you don t want to do.

And it honestly wasn t that bad.

Really?

Okay, maybe it was kind of bad.

Don't even think about
something like that, okay?

I just don t understand

what you made such
a big deal out of it.

I don t like being surrounded by

women's undergarments.

By the end of it,

it kind of looks like you
were having fun.

No I wasn t having fun.

I mean, at least we
accomplished the mission.

You're going home with a bra.

Yeah I mean I thank
you for that.

You're welcome.

I'd do anything for my kids.

Once, I'll do anything once.

I will never do that again.

Dad, you know you're
gonna have to do this

with me and Priscilla too.

[sighs]

Pick out your bras, let's go.

Get them all done.

Right now?

Yep, get 'em.

Three a piece.

Every size, every bodies
gonna get bras today.

'Cause I ain't never
doing this again.

You hear me?

Okay.

Make it snappy.

Which one do I pick?

Hey, keep it conservative, Sil.

Lil, you might as well
get those other two.

Everybody get three
and we're done.

I'm going home
and watching football.

[country tune]

All right, get your
signs, get ready!

They're fixin' to be here.

I saw the headlights.

Are we gonna say surprise

or what are we gonna do?

Yeah, surprise.

Not surprise.

Welcome home.

Welcome home!

Say welcome home.

Welcome home!

Yeah, welcome home.

Hey!

Surprise!

[overlapping greetings]

Welcome home baby!

Hey bubba, how you feeling?

You feeling good?

I missed you so much!

I missed y'all!
A pizza party?

Are you hungry sweetheart?

Group hug.

All right, let's go to
the party!

River look!

Look what they made you!

I love it!

Oh baby!

We got you some snacks!

Oh treats!

River, are you glad to be home?

Mm!

You feeling good?

Yay!

Are you a sprize or
ruttin' buck?

What is that?

That's what my
dad always used to ask me.

Oh my gosh.

What else has been
going on, girls?

Not much.

I mean just literally
just hanging out.

It went smooth,
everything went smooth?

Very smooth.

Mom, look what dad got me.

You bought Priscilla a bra?

Yeah he got all of us one.

We got like all different sizes

and colors and stuff.

You did?

Yep, I did it.

I've never seen a man
buy so many bras.

Well my thinking was,
I had to do it

for Lily anyway.

I might as well do it for
the other two girls,

just get it done.

Well, y'all were busy.

Yep.

I'm trying to put a
holster on them things.

Lord knows Lily needs it.

Good grief.

Okay.

Got my mommas blood in her.

Mom, will you take them to bed?

They're done eating.

Yes I think I will.

Take your bra, Priscilla.

Let me get my phone so
that nosey people

won't be into my business.

You're welcome.

Jep!

Yeah there was maybe one or two

that might be a keeper.

Okay, that's enough.

Thank you, Jep.

What is going on in this house?

Well.

It's like I just stepped
into the Twilight Zone.

It's basically, I just
had to rip off the Band-Aid.

So you bought a life
time supply of bras?

Pretty much, yes.

[scoffs]

I just didn t want to do
that again.

So I was like I'm just
gonna do it all now.

I mean babe the kids
are growing up.

I mean Lily, can you
believe fourteen?

[sighs]

Between River and
handling his condition

really well and the girls
just growing up

and going bra shopping.

The kids are literally
just maturing

right before our eyes.

It happens fast but
Priscilla's only ten.

So we can just enjoy
having a little one too.

It won't be long till
Lily's walking

down the aisle.

Or I'll be walking her
down the aisle.

Yep.

Like thirty, thirty-five years.

Jep, you'll be like an
elderly man by then.

I hope I'm dead.

You are not right.

Hey, we got through it.

That's all that matters.

Yep, I got us through River

and you got us through
bras, babe.

Did you know that
eighty percent of women

are wearing the wrong bra size?

Why do you know that?

I learned it.

You did learn a lot
while I was gone.

Maybe you're wearing
the wrong bra size.

You want me to check it?

No, I think I'm good.

You want me to check, you sure?

No.

You're probably
wearing the wrong size.

No, I'm just fine.

Jess, let me check.

I am fine!

No!

I'm gonna tickle you.

No I'm gonna tickle you.

[giggles]

Jep: No, I don't like that..

All right boys, since we
took the girls

to do some big girl things.

I'm gon' teach y'all to do
some big boy things.

How about that?

Get your shaving cream.

There you go.

Let's do like Santa Clause.

Yeah!

That's how you do it.

I admittedly don t know
a lot about this.

Get your razor.

You still got the cap on, buddy.

The caps on the razor.

Gus you want to shave?

[baby babbles]

That means yes!

Daddy, I don t want to shave.

I want a beard like you.

You do?

Gus you want a beard too?

Well yeah!

That's pretty awesome buddy!

[chuckles]

Don't you think so?

This shaving lesson is
officially over!