Jane the Virgin (2014–…): Season 2, Episode 7 - Chapter Twenty-Nine - full transcript

Latin lover narrator:
What's up, my peeps?
Let me catch you up.

Jane's whole love triangle
blew up dramatically,

because Michael thought Rafael
went to the cops

and snitched on him.
You turned me in!

Only problem...
Jane: Stop! No!

Please state your name
for the record.
I'm Eric wu.

It wasn't Rafael.

And so Jane said good-bye

to Michael.

I know. Super sad.

Also sad--



Michael got fired.

And then this happened.
Nadine:
Drive.

And so he was gone
for six long months,

and Jane moved on.

So Rafael took a shot.

Go on a date with me.

Yes.

Also taking a shot--

rogelio.
What?

His telenovela version
of mad men

was a comedic triumph.
However,

he ran into a roadblock.
Rogelio:
What does, uh,

"cease and desist" mean anyway?

Latin lover narrator:
Oh. And remember Petra?



She and Jane actually had

a little breakthrough.
I have the lovey.

And Jane even invited her
to Thanksgiving.

Nice, right?

Not so nice?

She came home to this.

It vas accident?

Well, it is black Friday,

and 'tis the season

for more drama.

So let's dive in.

Even when she was young,

Jane gloriana villanueva
Tyler, no!

Knew the value of hard work.

But her first ever
babysitting job

turned out to be really hard.

Potentially life-threatening.

(Song playing on TV)
Fine.

Five minutes-- but then

I'm reading you
a Christmas Carol.

You'll love it.
I mean, there's ghosts

from the past and
the present and...

(TV playing loudly)
(Phone ringing)

Hey.
So, how's it going?

(Groans): Oh, thank God
the villanueva women

only have girls.

Yeah.

I had a feeling about that kid.

What's the inside
of the house like?

Oh, my God, mom,
it's, like, my dream house.

(Door closes)
There's a white picket fence...

Jane:
No.

No, I don't care how good
the babysitter is.

It's not the same as family.

Plus, I can't imagine leaving
mateo with a stranger.

Speaking of ghosts
from the past...

¶ ¶

I get it, but if we
don't hire a sitter,

we'll be going
on our date

sometime around
presidents' day.

(Quietly): America's
least romantic holiday.

What about next week, ma?
Oh, Christmas dance recital
rehearsal, remember?

I could do it tonight.
Nah, my grad school
Christmas party's tonight.

You really want to drink with
the same people you're locked
in a room with five days a week?

You'd have so much more fun
drinking with me.

Yes. But I have to go.

Dr. Lorraine Bolton's
gonna be there.

Seriously?

Author of the the new
York times bestseller

12 things romy
did before dying?

Inspirational
Ted talk speaker

with two million hits?
Any relation to Michael Bolton?

Ooh. I've heard of him.

Anyway, she is the most
in demand Professor

in our department
because she is brilliant.

And fabulous,
and I need her to be my advisor.
Xiomara: Got it.

Did you ask your dad
to babysit?

Yeah. He said he's busy
with hombres locos.

He say anything else?

No. Nothing
about your theme song.

He hates it.
Jane:
He doesn't!

He's slammed-- I'm sure he
hasn't even listened to it yet.

The song is amazing.

Seriously,

you're our
very own Michael Bolton.

Jane, listen to me.

Okay, two-hand grab.
This is serious.

I really think that we
should hire a babysitter.

I will even
background check

the background-
checking company.

What do you think?

It would be nice
to have someone to help out

when we're all stretched out
a little thin.

Okay, I'll meet
some of the candidates.

But... I am making
no promises.

(Mid-tempo Latin
rock intro plays)

¶ ¶

man:
Can I help you find something?

No, thank you.
Most of us are experts.

Okay, since this is
your first black Friday,

let's go over some rules.

I just want to say
how honored I am

to be included
in this villanueva...
First rule:

No chitchat.
Rule number two:

Never dig in the bins;
The bins are for suckers.

Nobody needs a 12-pack
of hand sanitizer.

She said...
Got it.

Don't go looking
in anybody else's cart.

Okay, then. Well,
this'll be our meeting spot.

I'll see everybody
in an hour.

Clear eyes, full carts,

let's shop!
Yes!

¶ ¶

Latin lover narrator:
Oh, wow. There's a ghost

Jane didn't expect to see
this Christmas.

¶ ¶

¶ ¶

(sighs)

(Soft gasp)

Hi.
Oh, hey.

So, how have you been?

Um, pretty good, actually.
I did some traveling.

Good.
Yeah.

I heard that you lost your job.

I was worried.
I'm sorry,
I actually can't do this.

I'm just not interested
in catching up.

Oh, okay.
Yeah, just,

you know, I've moved on, so...
Yes.

I'm sorry.
Of course.
Yeah.

Hey, Michael.

Take care.

¶ ¶

you okay?

Mm-hmm.

(Long sigh)

(Soft groan) I mean, I get
why Michael didn't want to talk.

He's moved on.

But it's just so weird.

Okay, so what about this
for the Christmas party?

Note... the riding boots.

Dr. Bolton is
a champion equestrian,

so I'm trying
to pique her interest

without having to answer
too many questions about horses.

(Laughs):
You look great.

Very advisable.

Mm, mm, mm.
(Chuckles):
Now, go get her.

Yes, yes, yes.
Hi, baby!

You ready to go
to daddy's?

Huh, Mr. mateo?
(Rapid kisses)

Who is my best boy?

(Gasps)
Yes, you are.

(Gasps)
Yes, you are!

Latin lover narrator:
Can we stop that?

Yes, we can. Yes, we can.

Hey, Petra.

Oh! Jane. Hi!

Yeah. Still haven't
gotten used to the fact

that these two are friendly.

Hey, uh, thanks again

for the Thanksgiving leftovers.

I think my babies
are now 20% stuffing.

Then again,
it's only been a day.
(Chuckles): Oh...

Of course.

See you later.

What's with all the ice?

Oh. Swollen ankles.
You know how pregnancy is.

Yeah. Here, let me help.
No, I'm good.

Oh, come on,
I can grab one.
I'm fine.

Don't worry about it.
You're pregnant.
I can do it.

Jane, I'm fine!
Oh.

Well, that was a little cold.

Is that enough?

We'll find out.

Petra:
Okay.

(Panting): Enough...
Enough of this.

We need to go to
the police, mother,

tell them the truth.

You went to slap him.

You forgot about
the... hook.

I just got out of jail
for aggravated assault.

Do you think
they're going to believe me?

They'll lock me up,
throw away the key.

I can't do this, mother.
I-I can't be an accomplice.

You tell the police...

And I will
take you down with me.

Don't worry.
I have a plan.

I wanted to say good-bye.

I'm taking a quick
trip to Los Angeles.

Be sure to follow me
on periscope, Twitter
and instagram.

Or tmz. I'm sure they're going
to be all over me at lax.

Geez, rogelio, if you hated
my theme song that much,

you could just tell me--
you don't have to leave
the state.

What?!

No, no.

Xiomara...

Your theme song was like
a thousand tiny angels

tickling my eardrums.

Really? You loved it?

Why didn't you
say anything?
I'm sorry.

I've been the tiniest bit
focused on myself lately.

But know that I sent
your song to telemasivo,

because I think it would be
perfect for hombres locos.

Problem is, there might
not be an hombres locos.

Which is just plain loco.

What? Why?

There's a legal issue

with the original mad men.

However,
I tracked down the person

capable of untangling this mess,

so I must fly to Hollywood
to speak to him,

bigwig to bigwig.

Latin lover narrator:
And speaking of bigwigs...

Jane:
Okay, I've done my research
on Dr. Bolton,

and I have five anecdotes
to casually slip into
any conversation

in order to evoke a
natural and spontaneous
connection between us.

Love it. What a fun-slash-creepy
way to begin your relationship.

Ay. You remember
this poser, right?

Man:
Hey, Wesley!

Ugh. He makes me so mad!

Babe, just relax, okay?

Bolton is gonna love you.

Okay. Here goes.

Jane: Oh, nope,
never mind.

I'll wait till Dr. doom
has cleared out.

The man hates me.

He doesn't hate you.

You haven't seen
my latest evaluation.

I'm forwarding it to you
right now.

Seriously, have
another glass of wine.

You need to chill out.

(Exhales):
Yeah.

Wesley:
That sounds like the weirdest
orphans' Thanksgiving ever.

Was Rafael's
crazy sister there?

No. Luisa was at this
place in South America.

The osho ashram.

The what, now?

Mm, mm. This place
that she disappears to

when she feels like she
might fall off the wagon.

Ah.

Jane: Okay, he's leaving.
I'm going in.

Jane.
Professor Chavez.

It should be noted
that Jane was armed

with a carefully
researched list

of spontaneous
and funny anecdotes.

Also, she was kind of drunk.

My cousin's actually
the mayor of Savannah.

I wrote my thesis on lima.

Lady royal bucked me so hard

I lost my sense of smell
for a year.

Je le fais souvent...

Woman:
I was traumatized.

The nuns used to check
the length of my skirt

with a credit card.

Well, that's
not very interesting.

Get in there, Jane!

I actually taught at a catholic
high school last year,

and I had...

A pretty crazy exp...

I-I am so sorry.
Here, let me help.

Uh...

Oh...

Please stop.

Just... stay away from me.

Well, there's
your funny anecdote.

(Groans)
No drinking
and e-mailing.

Mom, you don't understand.

I have to apologize.

I... pawed at her boob.

And then somehow I squeezed!

Good. You finally got
some action.

Now, make your case the
old-fashioned way. (Kiss)

Also making his case,

rogelio-- or trying, anyway.

So as don Juan draper closes
the cigarette account,

rogelito opens up a carton--
to celebrate, no?--

but instead of cigarettes,
it's filled with...

Cocaine!

Then rogelito starts to snort

the cocaine, when bam!

Don Juan draper shoots him
in the head!

Then he turns coolly to camera
and says,

"I'd like to sell the world
some coke."

Fade out.

End of pilot.
(Clicks tongue)

(Sighs quietly)

No.

And speaking of bad news...

I've counseled
Nadine's family

since they joined
our church...

Yeah, I know.

I can't believe she's gone.

¶ ¶

you said you worked
for sin rostro because
she threatened

your family-- if that's true,
help me catch her. Help me.

I'm not a cop
anymore.

Michael (Echoing): We don't have
to play by the rules.

We're also here

to celebrate her life.

Minister:
It's a tragedy...

Rose was supposed to be here.
(Clattering)

Michael:
What's going on?

Michael:
Nadine, did you set me up?

Nadine:
No. No. I swear.

You did. You-you set me up.
I didn't!

(Footsteps)

(Distorted, echoing gunshot)

Minister:
We're also here

to celebrate

her life.
It's a tragedy...

To have to mourn
her death.

¶ ¶

(echoing gunshot)

(Gunshot ricochets)
(Gasps)

Latin lover narrator:
Wait a minute.

This guy looks familiar.

Please state your name
for the record.
I'm Eric wu, and I'm here

to talk about my friend,
Nadine Hansen.

Oh. It's the guy
who turned Michael in.

What are you
doing here, man?

No one needs
to be reminded

about what happened.
I'm sorry.

I'm very sorry.

Also feeling rather sorry?
Our Jane.

Hello?

Dr. Bolton?

(Softly):
Okay.

Okay, just leave the note
on her desk.

What?

Okay, no problem.
Write another one.

Seriously?

What kind of writer
doesn't have a pen on her desk?

Excuse me?

Oh. Dr. Bolton. Uh, I'm sorry.

I-I was not digging
through your desk.

Well, I was, but only
to write you an apology,

and now that it appears
I've broken into your office,

there are two things
I need to apologize for.

Damn it!
Oh, no.

No.

Th-th-the cafeteria ladies in
the student union will give you

a bag of ice and a pinch
so your milk doesn't go bad.

I have the same pumping bag.

You're nursing?
Well, I...

I stopped two days ago, and I
hadn't had a drink in forever,

and that's why last night
I was just...

And then I, you know...
Well,

that's good to know.

I'm going to New York
this weekend,

and I was planning
to pump and dump.

Yeah, don't have
that second glass of wine.

(Both laugh)

And there it was--
a natural

and spontaneous connection.

Look, I might be pushing
my luck here...

But you're part
of the reason I applied,

and if I'm gonna be at school
and not at home with my kid,

I want to at least
make it worth it.

She said yes!

To being your advisor?
No! Not yet!

To reading my material.
But it's a start.

(Knocking)
Xiomara:
Okay, you ready?

I'm nauseous.
We won't stop looking

until we find the
perfect person.

Plus, I bought
that nanny cam.

We can use it...
No. If I'm gonna hire a sitter,

then I need to be able
to trust her.

Which brings us here, now...

To babysitting idol!

How do you handle
difficult situations,

like a baby crying
uncontrollably?

Coddling babies
is creating a generation

that refuses to grow up.

At some point,
they've just got

to toughen up
and face real life.

If you want something,
ask me for it.

Don't just sit there
crying like a baby.

Next.

So, we usually
follow an eat, sleep,

play, change routine.

Oh, babies don't need diapers.
Hmm?

Have you heard
of elimination communication?

I learn the
baby's cues,

he learns my cues, and then we
hold them over the potty, and...

Psh, psh, psh, psh, psh.

Next.
...Psh, psh, psh...

So, you've
done this before?

(Breathing heavily)

(Gasping breaths)

Next!

How long
have you been

caring for children, chepa?

40 years.

First two
of my own,

then I spent 18 years
as a pediatric nurse.

When I retired, I missed
being with the little ones,

so I started babysitting.

What's your favorite age
to care for, and why?

Each age

brings its own joys
and challenges.

Where are you from?

Frutillar, Chile.

How do you feel about speaking

both Spanish and English
to the baby?

I prefer Spanish.

Only because mateo

will be hearing English
the majority of the time.

But, of course,
it's your choice.

I'll admit, I'm impressed.

And?

And if each and every one

of her references check out...

Then we may

possibly have
a part-time,

very occasional...

Sitter.

I can't. I'm too upset!

Wh-what's going on?

Rogelio:
The project is over.

Done. Dead.

Aw, I'm sorry, dad.
Just like that, no?

And my private
investor,

he sank everything he had
into it!

Xiomara: Well,
that guy's an idiot.
Who sinks everything

into a TV pilot?
(Laughs)

Dad?

No.

You were the investor?

How much did
you invest?

Everything I had in cash.

I tried to invest

my sag retirement,

but my financial advisor
wouldn't let me.

And now I feel bad
for calling her

a "narrow-minded idiot."

She did me a real solid.

When I'm 65,
I'll thank her again.
Okay,

you'll-you'll sell
your house, sell your cars.

They're all leased.
Like tyga.

Jane:
Everything?

Yes.

I live paycheck to paycheck.

Granted,

$50,000 paycheck

to $50,000 paycheck,
but until I start getting

more $50,000 paychecks...

You're...

Broke?

Yes.

And now I am mad
at my advisor, again!

I mean, she does this
for a living.

How could she have
let me invest everything?!

You spend $10,000 on something
called "smile maintenance"?

It's worth every penny, no?

And why do you own
40 hermès scarves?

I get cold.

No. You clearly need
to go on a budget.

No more of that.

But I love new pants Wednesday.

It's a perfect antidote

to the mid-week blahs.

Dad, big picture--

you need to tighten your belt.

Don't cut out my trainer.

If you rent a small place,
get a cheaper car,

you can ride out
unemployment

for about six months until you
find your next passion project.

And check this out.

One search--

an adorable one-bedroom condo

totally in your
new price range.

No, no, no, no.
Forget it.

Rogelio de LA vega

doesn't do adorable.

He goes big or he goes home...

To his mansion on the beach.

Xiomara:
That doesn't seem

like an option right now.

It is if I go
to telemasivo.

I will swallow my pride,
and they will put me

in one of the projects
I passed on.

(Ringtone plays)
(Groans)

Hello?

Jane. Hi. It's Petra.

Hey, Petra.

I, um...
I wanted to apologize

for yesterday.

I wasn't... feeling great.

Oh.

That's okay.

Latin lover narrator:
Ah, poor Petra.

She doesn't have
much experience with friends.

Petra?

Yes. Sorry. I, um...

(Smacks lips)

I was also wondering if...

Maybe you, uh...

You wanted to...
Have lunch sometime?

What?

Well, I had fun

on Thanksgiving, and-and...

Wondering if, um...

Maybe...

We could get together...

And eat.

Oh.

You know what? Forget it.

No. How about tomorrow?

At noon.

Yes. Perfect.

(Chuckles):
I'll, um... pencil that in.

So long, Jane.

I think Petra just...
Asked me on a date.

She said yes.

(Laughs softly)

Oh, I got to go.
Wish me luck.

Excuse me.

This is the alcoholic
support group, right?

Sure is.

Sorry. Are those mala beads
from the osho ashram?

Yeah. That place
changed my life.

Oh, my God, me, too.

Rafael's sister?

She's the one
who impregnated you?

I think the word that you're
looking for is... "What?"

Well, that's just the craziest
story I have ever heard.

Yeah.
And definitely
your first novel.

I know a publisher
who would love it.

Uh, wow.

Are you serious?
I know, I know,

getting ahead of my self.
No,

get ahead of yourself.
(Laughs):
Okay.

Let's focus
on why you're here.
Mm-hmm.

Your story.
Great news--

I think your writing
shows real promise.

I just loved
the big reveal.

So your stepmother was
the crime lord sin rostro?

Rose? Sin rose-tro?
You get it?

(Sighs) She always did
love a good play on words.

So, what was she like?

Oh, God, I don't even
know where to begin.

Well... I guess with the
way that she made love.

Nadine:
Loved, loved,

loved that character.

But here's my advice.

Take everything that
you have written and...

(Whispers):
Turn the volume up.

Wesley: Sorry,
I, uh, couldn't hear you.

Can you speak up?
Oh, happy to.
Where was I?

You and your brother
are half-siblings
from different moms.

Right. But both moms
are messed up.

I mean, his mom
took off...

Nadine:
I really want you

to make me gasp.

Gasp.

Okay.

(Gasps)
Your mom committed suicide?

Yup. She jumped off a bridge.

And my dad didn't
want a scandal,

so he paid off the coroner,
bought a death certificate

and told the press that
she died of cancer.

No.
Closed casket,
obviously.

Wait, so you never...
You never saw a body.

No.

Why? Do you think
that's weird?

Do you?
Do you?

So is there anything specific
that you can give me

in terms of direction as
I attack this rewrite?

Just...

Figure out how to make it all...

More sparkly.

Woman:
Yes, yes,

of course we want you back.

And of course we want to put
you in our next big hit.

Great. Because I am ready!

Ready to bring back
new pants Wednesday!

So, what's the show?

Audiences will love to see
rogelio de LA vega

as...

The roguish cowboy
El ranchero

in... El rancho

de mi corazon.

That's the exact hat I wore
when playing Frederico

in llanuras de traicion.

(Echoing gunshots)

Come on, it's not the hat
that makes the cowboy,

it's the cowboy
that makes the hat.

It's up to you

to add the pizzazz!

(Imitates gunfire):
Psh, psh, psh.

(Sighs):
I don't know, dad.

You just don't seem
like your heart is in it.
Oh, no, no, no,

I am making an
acting choice.

To make the role
more challenging,

I have decided to play it like
I'm suffering from lyme disease.

Mm. Well,
you do sound very tired.

I am tired.
I'm tired of this part.

You know, after hombres locos,
doing El rancho de mi corazon

feels like a...
Creative step backward.

Are you sure you just
don't want to go on a budget?

I can't. I just can't.
Why? Why?

You can't just say you can't.
Jane, stop.

I lived like that
once, okay?

Sitting alone

in my one-bedroom apartment,
eating ramen noodles,

broke and miserable.

I've worked too hard--
I can't go back there.

You're not gonna
believe this.

Telemasivo wants to use the song
that I wrote for hombres locos

in another show.

What?!
That's wonderful,
xiomara!

No, but it's...

It's for Esteban's show.

Rogelio.

Hello.

How do you feel about that?
Me?

I feel... great,

of course.

It's not a problem.

Kind of a problem?

Dr. Bolton's notes.

(Gasps)

Make me gasp.

(Quiet groan)

Turn up the volume!

Just make it all...
More sparkly.

(Mateo crying)

I know how you feel,
Mr. sweet face.

I want to cry, too.

(Mateo continues crying)
(Sighs)

(To "frère Jacques"):
¶ where is Petra?
Where is Petra? ¶

¶ I don't know ¶

¶ I don't know... ¶

Latin lover narrator:
¶ oh, there she is ¶

¶ I see her,
there she is, I see her... ¶

magda: Get out of the way,
get out of the way.

What are you doing?

I told you, I have plan.

But I don't care about
your plan-- you're supposed
to be upstairs with Ivan.

The cleaning crew is going to
be on our floor any minute.

Mother, get back up there!

I cannot.
I have an emergency.

I cannot go
with him looking at me.

Well, how long will you be?
Your guess is
as good as mine.

Mother? Mother!

(Sighs)

(Sighs)

(Fussing)
"Something came up"?

Seriously, mateo?
"Something came up"?

(Sighs)

Armstrong:
All right, what am I looking at?

It's the back room
of bar lunara.

I got the coordinates
on Nadine's phone,

went in as an electrician,
set up a camera.

Okay, I should let you in on
a little secret. Remember this?

Armstrong:
Give me your badge and your gun.

Come on.

Well, here's what happened
the moment before.

Armstrong: Give me one reason
why I shouldn't fire you.

Here's one.
Cordero's got something
no one else has.

A direct line
to Nadine,

who's got
a direct line

to sin rostro.

Let's fire him,
make a big show of it,

then he can embed himself
with Nadine, see where it leads.

Yup, you guessed it.

Michael's been undercover.

Well, you didn't guess it--

I just told you.
Anyway...

Look at this.
Cash transactions.

And that's way more than a
crappy club on Collins pulls in.

I did some research.
The bar was purchased

by the maracay group
in 1983.

We're thinking rose
inherited it from Emilio

and is using it as a
money laundering front.

No laundry required,
but if you do have time,
baby detergent only.

20 minutes, cold wash,
gentle cycle.

Am I going too fast?
Just let me know if you
need me to slow down.

No. This is perfect.

Rafael: Okay,
that is enough.

Time for our date.

Chepa's good.
Right, chepa?

I'm very good.
Great.

I would like to get
to know mateo.

Go out, have fun.
Yeah, okay.

I just want to say good-bye
to him. (Chuckles)

Okay. Uh, bye, chepa.

I'm gonna go get the car.

Okay. Good-bye, sweetie.

Mommy loves you.
Mommy loves you so much.

De españa!

I think I should be stabbing
someone as I say this.

Bring me an extra to stab.

How dare you!

What are you doing here?

This is a closed set.

Guards! Seize him!

I know we've been

fiercest rivals
both on screen and off,

but there are certain things
that even the fiercest rivals

do not do to one another!

Is this about me
sleeping with luciana?

Because that was just
a publicity stunt.

I loathe that woman.

She calls me "El flacido."

No!

This is about you using
my girlfriend to get to me.

You have crossed the line,
Esteban.

I have no idea what
you're talking about.
Don't play innocent.

Okay? I know your plan.

You chose xiomara's theme song,

and then you're planning
to pull the plug

at the last moment
to humiliate her.

We chose xiomara's song?

Wait, what?
What?

Nothing. Why?
Enough!

(Chuckles)

Now I know the truth.

And I am pulling the offer.

El erecto!

Chepa:
Shh...

Latin lover narrator:
Luckily,

things seem
to be going well here.

I have one tiny thought
for your bedtime ritual.

Oh, no. That's it.
I'm done.

What?!

I have worked with
people like you before.

It never ends. No one can
do it as well as mommy.

No, no, no.

Th-that's not it!

Chepa!
(Door closes)

(Bawling)

You went to Esteban
behind my back?!

I was angry-- I thought
he was messing with me.
Yeah, yeah, of course.

Because it's all about you!
All the time, everything!

Finally, there is
one thing in our life

that is about me,
and you ruin it!

Xiomara...

Hey.
Hey.

Xiomara: Uh, I thought
you had your date.

Long story. And I don't end up
looking too good in it.

I'm gonna put him down,

and get
some writing done.

Oh, no,
not this sentence again.

Let it go.
Bolton: Just make it all...

More sparkly.
Turn up the volume.

Make me gasp.

Latin lover narrator:
Huh.

She's going back
to Professor Chavez's comments.

Losing point
of view here.

The sentence
structure works.

The problem is the tonal
shift is too jarring.

He's right-- that's
just clumsy storytelling.

Now...

To the police station!

Watch when we zoom in.

Oh, my God.

You know who used
blue silk ties?
A drug lord

that ran Miami
back in the '80s.

Went by the name mutter.

This bar isn't
a sin rostro front.

It's a mutter front.
Exactly.

Michael:
We know mutter kidnapped luisa

to send a message to rose.

I think rose was planning
to send a message back,

and this bar
was her target.

Also focused on her target...

Come in.

So, I was trying
to write last night,

and I found your notes
incredibly clear and so helpful.

And I don't know why
it took me so long to realize

how incredibly clear
and helpful they are,

but now that I know,
I wanted to ask you, um...

(Clears throat softly)
Would you consider
being my advisor?

I appreciate the
thought, Jane.

But the emperor of
smug condescension

doesn't have room for
any more advisees.

You haven't seen my
latest evaluation.

I'm forwarding it
to you right now.

Whispered echo:
Chavez...

Now, if you'll
excuse me...

I have a class to teach.

(Pants, exhales)

No!
I told you
I have plan.

This is plan.

This is not plan--
this is...

Weekend at Bernie's.

Oh. What's that smell?

Vodka and lemons,

to cover dead man stench.

What was the tuna for?
Me.

I got hungry.

Just help me get
him out of here.

¶ ¶

no, get back in there!
Not yet.

Jane:
Petra?

Oh. Jane. Hi.

Hi.
What happened to you
the other day?

You just kind of cancelled
last minute.

Yeah. I, uh...

Petra, what's going on?

What...
I... I just...

Don't need us to
be friends, okay?

Uh, what?

I felt guilty, because you
invited me to Thanksgiving

and... I tried,

but it's not worth it.

Okay.

Got it.

Yeah.

I'm officially
done with Petra.

Amen!

Rogelio.

What are you all doing here?
We're here to show

our #rogelilove for your
first day of shooting.

Aren't you still
mad at me?

'Course I am-- but even
when I'm pissed off,

I'm still gonna show up.

We got your back, dad,
no matter that.

You know that.

Director:
Okay, people, the first scene

for El rancho de mi corazon
is up.

Latin lover narrator:
And in that moment,
rogelio realized

he would never have to worry
about being poor again,

¶ ¶
because he was rich in love.

And... action!

And so he did what heroes do.

Director:
Where is he going?

He rode off into the sunset.

And seeing her father make such
a courageous and crazy choice

gave Jane the courage
to make her own.

Chavez:
Why did you register

to take my class again?

You won't receive
any academic credit.

But since you won't take me on
as an advisee,

I will take your class
for no credit,

because you're gonna make me
a better writer,

and that's why I'm here,
away from my kid so much.

So...

I'll see you in January.

Okay...

Wait.

Frankly, I'd rather
see you once a week

as an advisor than
three times a week in my class.

(Laughing):
Give me...

Uh, right, right.
No problem.

I'm leaving now.

Chepa:
You're really leaving?

Yes. We are really...

Leaving.

Ah. Date night.

Take two.
One hour, a trial run.

You can do this.

One hour,
we will pay you for three.

You can do this.

Okay.
(Claps hands)

Give her the baby.

(Drumroll)
What is that?

(Drumroll stops)
Sorry. New ringtone.

¶ ¶

come on.

Jane: Whoa!
Rafael: So since this
is our first date,

if you're gonna be one
of those girls that's

always on her cell phone,
this is not gonna work out.

Oh. I was actually
just lining up my next date.

I think this car's
pretty douche-y, so...
(Laughs)

Where are we going,
anyway?

Well, since we only
have an hour...

I wanted to show
you something.

¶ ¶

I'm thinking about
making an offer.

I don't understand.

It doesn't seem like
your kind of house.

When I was younger,

sometimes
I'd drive by houses like this...

Just imagine
everything perfect inside.

Yeah, me, too.

Yeah?
Yeah.

Anyways, it's
kind of halfway

between your house
and the marbella.

I'm not asking you
to live here with me,
'cause I know that

this is just our first date

and you think
I drive a douche-y car, but...

(Laughs)
But I do want

your opinion.

I love it.

So much.

¶ ¶

it's lina,
and she says it's important.

So, what's the rest
of your story, Jane gloriana?

Was Rafael's
crazy sister there?

I mean, after everything
you've told me

about his insane family...

I know. It's, like,
the curse of the solanos.

Oh, no.
(Exhales)

Absolutely--
I want you to bury this guy.

Of course. The piece is littered
with quotes from my sister.

I'm sure she had no idea.

Okay, call me back.

Wesley is looking
at a multimillion-dollar
defamation lawsuit.

My lawyers say when
we are done with him,

he's going to be broke
and unemployable.

Raf, I'm so sorry.

It's okay.
It's not your fault.

You didn't know.

(Phone rings)
Hello?

Okay, so what kind of
statement should we put out?

This is a work
thing. Sorry.

How'd it go? How was he?

Perfect. And he waved.

Really?!
I swear.

You should have seen
that little boy--

he was so proud of himself.

Oh...

Thank you.

Are you available next
Thursday at my house?

Turns out you don't actually
need to spend $5,000

on a fresh pine tree
after all.

And that's the tour,
you know?

I live, eat, cook
all in the same room.

It's actually
quite convenient.

You're doing the
right thing, rogelio.

Betting on yourself.

I agree.
Who better to bet on?

I will wait
for the perfect script

(ringtone playing)
To come along...

It's telemasivo.
Hang on.

Hello?

Y-yes, this is xiomara.

What?

(Soft gasp)

They're gonna use my song!

Latin lover narrator:
And look how surprised
rogelio is.

Then again,
he is a wonderful actor.

(Laughing)

Cut! Okay,

let's do the scene again,

only this time
we're going to have him

slip and fall into the mud

at the end.

Esteban...
Unless you
don't want xiomara

to have her song on our show.

(Sighs):
Let's go again.

Take 14.

I'm going in the mud!
(Stammers)

Did you do something?

No.

Aw. These two are
in such a sweet place.

Not in such a sweet place?
Magda: Petra.

What is going on with you?

Oh, you know,
mother.

We're burying a body.

He was not
a good man.

Mateo, are you sad that mommy
missed your first wave?

Well... I have a secret.

I installed a nanny cam.

Hey, don't judge me.
Daddy's the one that bought it.

Eric: What the hell?
No, you paid me to lie

to the cops about cordero,
and now Nadine's dead

and he's showing up at her
funeral and staring at me.

Hey, calm down. Calm down.
No! No.

You said nobody
would ever find out.
Okay. Shh. Look,

we can't talk
about this here, okay?

Rafael: I will give you whatever
you want, but you have to go.

Jane.

It's not what
you think.

I think... you hired someone
to go to the police and lie.

What he was saying
was the truth.

I heard Michael
on the monitor.

He let Nadine go.
You got him fired.

He should have
been fired.

Because of what he did,
mateo was kidnapped,

and you couldn't see it.
No, no. Don't
turn this around.

Hey, no, you told me to fight
for you, you told me to fight
for our family, and I was.

I was fighting for us.
Just stop it!

Jane, w...
Let me by.

(Door closes)

Did you read this article
on the solanos?

No, I haven't gotten around
to that yet.

You're gonna want to hear this.
"As for luisa's mother,

"she supposedly committed
suicide by jumping off a bridge

"in 1983.

"But it was
a closed-casket funeral.

Could she still be alive?"

Yes. Just do it. Open it.

No, no, no!
I'm not ready. Stop.

So what are you saying?
Come on, cordero,

this can't just be
a coincidence.

She dies in 1983,

the same year the maracay group
bought bar lunara?

Osho ashram breath in...

Osho ashram breath out...

Okay...

I'm ready.

No, don't open it!

What if she set up
the money laundering front

and then...

Faked her own death

so she could operate
underground?

¶ ¶

she's not in there!

That means...

That means...
(Exhales)

Mutter is luisa's mother.

I can't believe it!
I'm gonna find my mom!