It Takes a Thief (1968–1970): Season 1, Episode 9 - When Good Friends Get Together - full transcript

Yes.

Madame Chen says she's ready.

You have the plane tickets?

Yes, Excellency.

The council general will
meet us in Washington.

Good.

Also, Kayan is here with the merchandise.

Show him in.

Excellency.

You have the idol.

I just finished it this morning,
working day and night.



It is a perfect imitation.

I pledge my reputation on it.

The gems are not real, of course,
but no one but a professional jeweler

could possibly

tell and only after a close examination.

And you've told no one of this?

Not even my wife.

Good.

So much time did I spend at my
shop that she even became suspicious.

She thought I might be
seeing another woman.

Well, she will have no
further cause for suspicion.

Will the plane depart on time?

Yes, Excellency.

Good.



I do not like to be kept waiting.

(It Takes a Thief's theme playing)

Oh, look, Al, I'm not asking you to spy.

Just ask you to steal.

You've got a great touch, Elga.

Firm, gentle.

That's all, you may go.

Same time tomorrow?

Yes.

No, he won't be here tomorrow.

You may go, Miss Nelson.

Goodbye, El.

Goodbye.

I won't be here tomorrow.

Here's your assignment.

Fon Singh, Crown Prince Marduk's uncle.

He's very influential in his country.

Hey, that's great.

I'm ready for some foreign travel.

He's coming here.

The Crown Prince has been studying
in this country for the past year under

the auspices of the
State Department.

So far, things have been going well.

We want it to stay that way.

So where do I fit in?

Fon Singh leans the other way.

We don't trust him.

We know he'd like to
discredit the United States.

How?

That's what we don't know.

Your job is to find out and prevent it.

Why me?

We've had a State Department
man staying with the Prince.

A fine man.

Honest, sincere, upright.

Wouldn't know a double cross if it hit him.

We need someone who
can think like Fon Singh.

Noah, I'm a thief, not a detective.

Someone to pose as a
State Department official.

Think of the detectives you've known.

Could you see any of
them filling that role?

You mean it takes somebody
suave and polished and...

Thoroughly without principle.

I always was a sucker for flattery.

(Music)

(Music).

Sir Alexander Munday
is here, Your Highness.

Show him in.

His Highness will receive you, Mr. Munday.

Thank you.

Your Highness.

How do you do?

The State Department regrets
that our Mr. Fowler was taken ill.

I hope I'll be a satisfactory
replacement as Liaison Officer.

Thank you.

Do you know Miss Harris, my tutor?

How do you do?

How do you do?

I trust His Highness is
enjoying his visit to our country?

Everyone has been very kind.

Good.

It is eleven o'clock, Your Highness.

You will excuse me.

I'll show you to your room.

The Prince isn't having
a very good time, is he?

What do you mean?

Well, that answer he gave me doesn't
sound like he's having much of a blast.

The Prince doesn't exactly
live like the boy next door.

So I gather.

I would have assumed that you knew that.

Is Mr. Fowler seriously ill?
I didn't get to see him before he left.

No, he just has the flu.

They thought it best
not to expose the Prince.

Did they give you the Prince's schedule?

No, they just told me to report
here, to take Mr. Fowler's place.

Well, he has six hours a day of schooling,

one hour of supervised exercise,
half hour in the morning and half hour in

mid-afternoon,

dinner at seven, an hour
of study, and that at nine.

How nice.

I beg your pardon?

We could spend a whole long
evening getting acquainted,

finding out that we like the same things.

I think I already know
what you like, Mr. Mundy.

I'm going to practice some golf shots.
Would you care to watch?

I'd be delighted.

My instructor at home says
I have an excellent swing.

That was a practice swing.

[Birds chirping].

Another ball.

Excuse me. Would you like to try?

No, no thanks. You go ahead.
I'd rather watch.

I thought all Americans played golf.

Oh, I hack around sometimes.

Here. Oh, do not be embarrassed.
I was not very good when I started either.

All right.

Excuse me. Would you like to play a game?

What kind of a game?

Closest ball for a dollar.

I was told Americans like to bet.

Some do, some don't.

Oh, I did not mean to.

I happen to be among those that do.

For a dollar?

For a dollar.

Pay Mr. Mundy a dollar.

That could well be the most
expensive golf shot in history.

A whole year's
effort to make him like

us and you had to
spoil it to win a dollar.

Well, you did not brief me
that the prince was a bad loser.

There has never been any
precedent to base such a judgment on.

Nobody has ever been tactless
enough before to beat him.

What the devil has gone on over there?

I just got a report from the State
Department that you had antagonized the

prince over some stupid game.

How did they get into the act?

The tutor reported it,
but never mind about that.

What did you do to him?

I won a buck from him.

A buck?

That is right, a lousy buck.

That seems to rank
just under an attempt

to overthrow the
crown in his country.

Mr. Mundy?

Mr. Mundy?

The firing squad is here.
Noah, I'll call you back.

May I come in?

Please.

I wish to speak to you.

Your Highness, I'm
sorry about this afternoon.

No, I... I am the one who is sorry.

You see, among the many things I
have learned from my tutors, they did not

teach me how to accept defeat.

Do you know, Mr. Mundy, that in all
the games I have played, that is the

first time anyone has ever
beaten me at anything?

Well, they have a saying in this country.
You can't win them all.

I wonder now if I have
really ever won anything.

I have thought about it.

And I would like to thank
you for being honest with me.

To apologize for my behavior.
It was most unworthy.

Another first.

Except to my mother and father.
Yes, I have never apologized before.

Will you accept it?

I accept with all respect, Your Highness.

And may I say you are a very nice guy?

Thank you, Mr. Mundy.
And now I will say good night.

Your Highness, I'm into
you for a dollar, right?

Yes.

You want to go for double
or nothing tomorrow?

Not until you show me how to put
backspin on the ball the way you do.

You got it.

See you tomorrow.

Noah, he just left.
You can tell the

State Department to
relax. All is forgiven.

No, I'm not going to give him the
dollar back. I'm going to take him for

fifty tomorrow.

Good night, Noah.

Look, Al. I mean, Mr. Mundy.

Al. Al sounds better. You know, I
think you're getting the hang of it.

Tell me, Al.
Did you play golf when you were my age?

Well, no, then I played mostly a
game called Cops and Robbers.

I do not know that game.
Did you always win?

No. Not always.

We really should be
studying, Your Highness.

Just a little longer, Miss Harris.
That's what you said an hour ago.

But I was just learning
how to do it the way Al does.

Well, I think that there are other
things that the King wishes you to learn.

She's right. We better call it off for now.
Besides, I wouldn't want the

King to get sore at me.

All right, Al.

I'll see you later.

Oh, Miss Harris.

Your bosses might be interested to
know that everything's all right now.

International relations-wise, that is.

I have certain responsibilities, Mr. Mundy.

They include reporting any
unpleasant incidents that occur.

I'll make a deal with
you. You teach him

your subjects, and
I'll handle mine. Okay?

Is that a deal or an ultimatum?

I prefer to think of it
as a friendly agreement.

Very well, Mr. Mundy.

[Music]

[Door opens].

It's a pleasure doing business with you.

[Music]

For three.

Three.

[Door opens].

Two?

Two.

How much did you beat me by?

Well, let's see.

Twenty points.

I'm getting better.

I better quit while I can still beat you.

My father will be surprised when I
show him all I have learned here.

Gin Rummy may not be
exactly what he had in mind.

He told me to steep
myself in American culture.

Isn't this part of it?

It certainly is.

It's as American as apple
pie and beauty contests.

I saw beauty contests once on television.

Baseball is more fun to
watch, don't you think?

Well, yes and no. Cut.

Let's play another game.

I'm afraid it's too late.

Don't forget your uncle
arrives in the morning.

Then I will have to return home.

I will miss you, Al.

I'll miss you too.

But we'll keep in touch.

Good night.

Good night.

Good night.

Good night.

Would you care for a game?

No, thank you.

Would you like a drink?

No, thanks.

Is there anything on TV?

Or would you rather sit
in front of the fire and talk?

There is no fire, Mr. Mundy.

Well, we could make one, Miss Harris.

It makes things more cozy.

You seem to be laboring
under the misapprehension

that I'll be as susceptible to
your charms as the prince is.

Oh, not at all.

You see, the prince looks up to
me because I beat him at everything.

With you, I'd be willing
to settle for a draw.

Your Highness.

I trust you had a pleasant flight?

It was quite comfortable, thank you.

You're looking well, Your Highness.

Have you enjoyed your stay here?

Very much.

The king will be pleased.

May I present Al, I mean
Mr. Mundy, of the State Department,

and my tutor, Miss
Harris, my uncle and aunt.

How do you do?

How do you do?

And how is His Highness's
education progressing?

Oh, splendidly.

I have learned many things.

Did you know that in
order to get backspin

on a ball, you have
to hit down on it?

I am not sure.

What?

I don't think I quite understand.

Never mind.

I will show you later.

Come inside.

I will show you to your room.

You will want to rest after your long trip.

Ah, Mr. Mundy.

I would like to inspect
the idol this afternoon.

I want to make sure the
gem settings are intact

and that it can be prepared for shipment.

I will make the arrangements right away.

What is this idol that he mentioned?

It is a priceless art object.

and a symbol of the Crown Prince's title.

It has been kept in a bank vault
for him while he is in this country.

Who is keeping it?

Mr. Fowler said the
United States was

responsible for it, if
that is what you mean.

Why should his uncle want to see it?

Does not he trust us?

All I know about Fonzing
is what Mr. Fowler told me.

The night before he took sick.

What did he say about him?

Just that he was very powerful
in his country and very shrewd.

Looks to me like he is a man
who would knock with pen.

There is something wrong?

No, of course not.

Thank you for letting me see it.

I will ask a jeweler to
join us here tomorrow.

After you sign over the papers,
he can prepare for shipment.

I am terribly sorry.

Thank you very much.

Shall we go? I have seen enough.

Your Excellency, I will make
arrangements for the release of the idol.

I believe we will need some
more security here tomorrow.

Very well.

What happened?
-Amateur night.

Our friends just made a switch
on the idol with a trick purse.

I could do better when I
was in grammar school.

Let's go take a look.

Mr. Martin?

- Noah Bain, here's my authorization.
- Yes, sir.

If you'll just sign this card, please.

- Is anything wrong? - Probably.

That'll be all, thank you.

All these gems are phonies.

Just like that, he robbed his own nephew.

You can start blowing your whistle, Noah.

Not yet.

Evidently he's going to try
and say that we stole the idol.

Only when they open this
box, the real idol will be here.

And Phan Sing will be
discredited, and not us.

The real idol will be here.

That's right.

In other words, you
want me to switch this

back for the original
without his knowing?

That's what I had in mind, yes.

That's what I thought you had in mind.

Madame Chen will be
leaving in the morning for Paris,

where I will join her
in a few days after I

have accompanied
His Highness home.

Then Madame will miss the
ceremonies at the back tomorrow.

I am afraid I must.

Besides, I do not think it proper for
a woman to attend a public function.

My wife is delightfully
old-fashioned in that respect.

But I would like you to appear
at the ceremony tomorrow,

so that I may
publicly thank you in

front of the press for
the excellent manner

in which you have performed your
duties, especially toward His Highness.

Guaranteeing the safety of
the idol was my only duty, sir.

His Highness's company came
under the heading of pleasure,

combined with a reasonable profit.

You must be very skillful
at games, Mr. Mundy.

I find them relaxing, after
a hard day at the office.

Adults do not have time
for games in my country.

We are concerned with
more important matters.

Your Highness, there is a
special on television tonight.

It comes on in a few moments.
I think you would find it very interesting.

Yes, I would like that, Al.

You may sit beside me.

If Your Highness will excuse me, I
have one of my migraine headaches.

Should we summon a doctor?

Well, no, I don't think
that will be necessary.

If I lie down in a dark
room, it will go away.

Will you excuse me, Your Highness?

Yes, by all means.
Do whatever is necessary.

Thank you. Good night.

Please be seated.

Americans claim they invented this.

[Music].

[Music]

Now I believe the Americans invented it.

[Music].

I will tell Mr. Mundy.

Your Highness.

May I have a word with
you before you retire?

I will be back after I have
spoken to Mr. Mundy.

Miss Harris.

His Highness mentioned at dinner
that you were to accompany him home.

Yes.

I was not informed of this arrangement.

Apparently the King just gave his consent.

Strange.

I was under the impression
that a country as old as ours

would be able to provide suitable
teaching for its Crown Prince.

I'm sorry your Excellency does not approve.

I had heard so much about the
hospitality of your charming country.

I was quite looking
forward to my visit there.

Especially with a royal family
that is so friendly with my country.

I trust he will not be disappointed.

Thank you.

Good night.

I would like a breath of air.

Would you care to walk in the garden?

You heard His Highness
say he would be right back.

Very well.

Then I will go alone.

Is it safe for Madame to go
out alone at night in this country?

From what I have read in the newspapers?

Perhaps you are right.

You had better accompany her.

Mr. Mundy?

Mr. Mundy?

Al?

Is Mr. Mundy in his room?

Yes, Your Highness.

What's the matter?

Mr. Mundy's door is locked
and he doesn't answer.

Well, maybe he's fallen asleep.

But I knocked very loudly.

It would have awakened him.

Unless he is ill.

Is there a master key to the bedrooms?

Yes, in the linen closet.

He said his head hurt.

It may be more serious than he thought.

Al?

Have you got the tickets?

Yes, I will meet you in Rio.

If my husband should suspect...

He won't. By the time he finds out
you're not on the plane to Paris, it will

be too late.

We'll be in Rio with the idol.
Nobody can touch us there.

He will have all that he is really
interested in anyway. Political control

of the prince.

[Music].

I'm going to go back.

[Music].

[Music]

Until we meet in Rio.

[Music].

Is Mr. Monday feeling better?

I did not see him.

Your Highness, I fear I have
some disturbing news for you.

I debated with myself whether
or not to tell you at this time.

When I myself am not completely certain.

You must tell me.

Very well.

I believe the idol has been
replaced by an imitation.

I do not understand. How could that be?

I examined it at the vault.
Of course I'm not an expert.

But tomorrow I will have
an expert examine it.

And I think my judgment will be borne out.

The idol is held for us.

Protected.

By your friends.

But why would they do that?

Who knows what their motives are.

Perhaps they want to make
you appear foolish to the world.

I really can't say.

I cannot believe it.

We'll find out tomorrow.

Good night your Highness.

Good night.

I see you had your little talk.

Youth is so trusting.

And so vulnerable.

[Music]

Who is it?

Mr. Mundy?

Just a minute.

How is your headache?

Better. Thanks.

Did the rest help?

Yes it usually does.

Good night Mr. Mundy.

Your Highness.

Would you like to have some
golf shots in the morning?

I'm afraid I will be busy.

[Music].

I'll see you in Paris.

Now you take care of yourself.

And the purse.

It will not leave my hands.

I hope all goes well.

It will.

I trust Madame will
have a pleasant journey.

Thank you.

I am looking forward to it.

I am looking forward to it.

Inform His Highness that
we are ready to go to the bank.

Yes Excellency.

Come in.

Good morning.

I want to talk to you.

Be right with you.

Make yourself comfortable.

It won't take long.

I just want to tell
you that I think

your conduct last
night was disgraceful.

I'm sorry I had to leave
the dinner party so early.

But I didn't think you felt that strongly
about a man having a headache.

Ordinarily your romantic escapades
would be of no concern of mine.

But when they endanger international
relations it becomes another matter.

Would you mind telling me
what you're talking about?

I saw you in the garden with Madame Chen.

Me?

I knew when I found your room empty
you were up to something but I never

dreamed that... You
were here last night?

With the Prince.

He was worried when you didn't
answer so I got the pass key and let us in.

I don't know how you intend
explaining this... Never mind about that.

What's all this nonsense
about me and Madame Chen?

I went to look for you to
see what you were up to.

I found out.

Just what was I up to Miss Harris?

You were arranging to meet her in Rio.

To live happily ever after I assume.

You got a good look at me.

No but... It couldn't
have been her husband.

Husbands and wives don't have to
sneak off to the garden for a rendezvous.

You're right and he's not the type.

I fail to see the humor Mr. Mundy.

Well Miss Harris I haven't
got time to explain everything.

You'll just have to take my word for it.

But it wasn't me down in the
garden with Madame Chen.

It must have been somebody else.

Possibly that snakey looking aid of his.

Why should I believe you?

Because I'm telling the
truth strange as it may seem.

Alright if you weren't
with her where were you?

What were you doing?

That is classified information Miss Harris.

I'll be glad to explain
that to you at a later time.

Over cocktails perhaps.

Yes?

His Excellency is ready to leave.

I'll be right there.

You shouldn't frown like that.
You'll get wrinkles.

I enjoyed our little chat.

Thanks for coming.

[Music]

That's it.

[Music]

Think of you once.

[Music]

Okay step on it.

We've got to get to the bank ahead of them.

[Music]

Gentlemen. Gentlemen. A picture please.

Have you enjoyed your
stay here in this country?

Very much so.

Did you get a chance to see a ball game?

No I haven't.

How about Western dancing?
What do you think about that?

Very nice.

May I have your attention please?

As you know the United States has
had the full responsibility for the safety

of this invaluable idol while his
highness has been a guest in your country.

And now that his stay is nearing an
end we wanted you here to witness the

transferring of this idol back to our
hands and to permit it to be publicly

photographed for the first time.

[Music]

Excellency.

[Music]

Mr. Tzuyu?

Oh. Mr. Tzuyu is the foremost expert
on Oriental art. He will examine the

gem settings just as a matter of record.

Do you think that's necessary?

You have no reason to object do you?

Not if his Excellency insists.

You will examine the idol.

It is in perfect condition.

I beg your pardon?

I said it is in perfect condition.

Are you sure?

I have never seen more perfect gems.

His Excellency must
be pleased to hear that.

Yes of course.

But then that's what you expected to hear.

I will talk to you later.

Gentlemen.

Your Highness.

Will you be returning to our country?

Ah yes.

Smile your Excellency.

Say cheese.

I will meet you in a few minutes.

We will talk in my room.

I'm afraid your influence will
be over when he returns home.

If he returns home.

Hello.

Hi.

Ceremony go alright?

Yes it was a smashing success.

Was the Prince satisfied with
your explanation about last night?

Completely.

Then maybe you wouldn't
mind explaining it to me now.

You're still not convinced I wasn't
out there with Madame Chen are you?

Just where were they when you saw them?

I told you in the garden.

What were they doing?

He was kissing her.

How far away were you?

I don't know that's 30 feet.

You were 30 feet away.

In the dark right?

Did they have their arms around each other?

Like this?

Now she must have been
cooperating more than that.

Really Mr. Mundy?

I'm just trying to
prove that you couldn't

recognize anybody
under such circumstances.

You see it's almost impossible to.

Hi Al.

Cute kid.

I have to finish packing.

Come in.

I don't think I should be.

We're both in this together.

Your Highness.

Last night you told me that the Americans had
stolen the idol and put an imitation instead.

I had information which led
me to believe that to be the case.

I know why you believe that.

Because you were the
one who had stolen the idol.

Your Highness cannot be serious.

Why would I want to do such a thing?

To make me and my
country turn against America.

Surely Your Highness
doesn't really believe...

When I return home
I will tell my son

he will deal with you.

I'm afraid I cannot let that happen.

You have no choice.

You're right.

You have left me none, Your Highness.

I had hoped to accomplish my
purpose without harming you.

Unfortunately you have
made that impossible.

How dare you threaten me with a gun?

It is not a threat.

I cannot permit you to return home.

Summon the guards.

Salo is loyal to me.

Are you not?

The guards will come
when they hear the shots.

They will find you both dead.

The damn general
would be surprised to

learn that you
assassinated His Highness.

She had thought you a traitor.

Only to me.

Excellency, I assure
you... No, please!

Don't bore me with stupid denials.

Do you really think you can
kill both of us and escape?

Escape from what?

I heard the shot,
overpowered the

assassin, and killed
him with the same gun.

I knew Fong Sing was in trouble,
but I didn't think he'd take a chance.

Oh, hurry, you've got to do something.

Wait a minute.

If I bust in there now,
they'd still have time to do it.

And they could make up any
story about how it would happen.

It would be your word against his.

Oh, what else can we do? We can't
just stand there and let him kill him.

Find the servants.

Tell them to break
in there when they

hear all hell break
loose and not before.

Go around there and
give me a signal when

they're ready and be
careful. Go on now.

I meant you no harm.

I swear, it was her idea.

It's too bad she cannot see you now.

She would not think you quite so dashing.

Take a lesson from your prince.

At least he knows how to die.

You must teach me that shot.

A man called from the airport.

He said your uncle and his aide
were put on an airplane an hour ago.

They can all have a nice reunion in Rio.

I do not care where they go, as long
as they stay away from my country.

Goodbye Al.

Thanks for many things,
including that last approach shot.

Just call me Arnie, okay?

I will expect to see you in two weeks.

I'll be looking forward
to it, your highness.

Remember the words of the prophet.

Keep your head down.

(music)

When do the owners of
our little cottage return?

In two weeks.

Isn't that a coincidence?

Wait a minute.

Al!

You can put her down now.

I took the Liberty of packing for you.

Thanks.

I'm Noah Bain.

How do you do?

Might as well put me down.

How did you get in?

The back door.

I didn't want to interrupt any farewells.

He's very considerate that way.

The car's here. Can we give you a lift?

No, I have to pack. I'll take a cab.

That's the past two weeks.

I understand your hustle
to print's pretty good.

We had a few friendly games.

For money? No, just rooting interests.
You know how it is. A few token bets

here and there.

About $420 dollars worth of tokens?

How did you know that I...

You blew the whistle on me.

That's part of my job.

Well, I'll declare it on my income tax.
All right, Noah?

You won't have to. We're sending it back.

You can't do that to me. Wanna bet? No, no.

Come on. Give, Al.

Oh, boy. You're all heart...

I'd bail a State Department
out of an international crisis.

The rest of it.

Oh, don't fret, Al.

You did a very good job.

That reminds me.

I have a little something
from the Department for you.

Oh, well, that's more like it.

What is it, a bonus?

No. A bill for the window you broke.

A bill for the win...
(upbeat music)

(whistling)