Insecure (2016–…): Season 1, Episode 6 - Guilty as Fuck - full transcript

Hey, babe. How was work?

It was fine.

What's wrong? Something happen?

I'm just... I'm searching for these words
to say to you right now.

Just say it.

I slept with my ex.

I didn't mean to do it, and it just
happened. And I didn't do it on purpose.

Bitch, I don't want your sloppy second ass!

I ain't Russell Wilson
in this motherfucker!

Hey, babe. How was work?

It was splendid.



Splendid? We're using splendid now?

- Hey. What's wrong?
- Why do you think something's wrong?

I don't know. You just seem off.

It was just... It was a long day at work.

Well, maybe I can make it better.

Wait, what?

Where's the "broken pussy" video?

I called a guy I used to work with,
and he got it taken down.

- Like, everywhere?
- Yep.

If you google your name,
the only thing that comes up

is your Facebook page
and a singer named Issa Sekibo.

He sounds like a Nigerian Ruben Studdard.

What... Hey, why are you crying?

- Because of what you did.
- Babe, it was nothing.



No, you took care of it,
and you're always taking care of me.

You're like my black Spider-Man.

Hey. Hey, come here. Come here.

- Now I got snot all on you.
- Hey, it's okay.

I just love you so much.

I love you, too.

No, but, like, I really love you.

And I appreciate you,
and I never wanna forget that.

You know, I like getting all this love.

What are you gonna do when I tell you
I picked up your dry cleaning today?

No, you weren't supposed to cry.

Babe,
my teeth feel clean as fuck.

These new floss things,
they really get in there. Look.

They look good, babe.

Come here.

- What?
- Nothing. I got the chills real quick.

Come here. Let me warm you up.

- Okay.
- Come on.

What? You still cold?
You need blankets? What?

No. I think the video has just been
stressing me out.

Can we just... Can we just lay here?

Yeah. Sure.

You sure? You're not mad?

Nah, I'm cool.

Thanks, babe.

What the fuck?

HEY-

Hey.

Thanks for letting me stay here last night.

You didn't really leave
me much of a choice.

Is that Cookie Crisp?

Dang, I haven't had that
since, like, elementary.

So, what was last night about?

You show up faded
at my place out of nowhere.

Yeah, I was just going
through something with this dude,

and I guess my drunk
brain just led me here.

Okay.

What?

You know,
it's fine if you and I didn't work out.

But it just feels like you're playing
games, and I'm not really about that.

You're right.

You know, I was doing the most,
but, you know, I really did like you.

All right, I fucked up
and you didn't deserve any of that,

and I'm sorry.

You know what? I suck.
I'm... I'm just gonna go.

Yeah, this is... I'm not...

Don't smile.

You ain't getting no milk.

Okay. Thanks.

Your hair looks great
like that, by the way.

So, what are you doing today?

Just... I have errands.

You need a ride?

You still got errands?

- No! I...
- You still got errands?

I ain't got no errands!
I ain't got no errands!

Is that pork bacon?

What's the occasion?

Can't I just wake up
and wanna cook breakfast for my bae?

Yeah, you can, but it just feels so new.

I just wanted to thank you,
you know, officially.

You're not even ready for this shit, okay?

So, we got real bacon...

blueberry waffles,

eggs lightly scrambled,
plus strawberries and pineapples.

What?

Damn, Iss!

And I was thinking we should go out later.

You know, it's been a minute
since we had a date night.

- Yeah, you know I'm down.
- Okay.

Look at you.
Cooking breakfast, making dinner plans.

Yo, I got me a real one.

All right, hand me some fruit.

And, Freida, where are we on the silent
auction items for the fundraiser?

It's going great.
The Rams are donating tickets.

Dulan's is donating a private dinner,

but we are still waiting on a jersey
signed by Kobe Bryant.

I saw him at Katsuya once.

And have we secured a location in Malibu?

We have several options
that I can show you,

but most places are saying
that we can't bring kids

because they're worried about damage.

But a lot of them are saying

that they'll provide chairs and tables
at no additional cost.

I thought the whole point
was to invite kids this year.

Yeah. Why are we pressed
to do it in Malibu?

Did you hear the part
about the tables and chairs?

I did, but can't we do it somewhere near,
like, Inglewood or Baldwin Hills?

I mean, Malibu's nice, it's just
We Got Y'all is in this community.

It would just be great to show the kids
that there's beauty in their own backyard.

- I think that's a great idea.
- Me, too.

Not that you asked. I'm just adding.

Okay.

Moving on.

Okay. "Add basil, cook for one minute."

Can do, bitch.

Yeah.

Yo, you know what?
Chrissy Teigen has a dope-ass cookbook.

Are you in the kitchen?
Please get the fuck out.

No, I Will not.

I'm cooking for somebody.

Who, that lawyer nigga?

Okay, is this a shade-free zone?
Never.

Okay, you remember Jared?

You are the worst!

Girl, I know, right?

So, what happened with the league?

Girl, I'm over them niggas.

Like, they look good on paper,
but they on some bullshit.

So, you're with Jared now?

Girl, I know, right?

Life is a funny thing.

L can't get into it
while I'm sautéing and basting,

but the point is we talked, he checked me.

I mean, we had a real honest conversation.

I just like that we can
just share and be real.

You fucked that nigga.

Yes. Yes, I did.

That is not the point.

I mean, it was different.
It just felt different.

Well, okay, girl. Look at you.

- Was it good?
- Bitch!

Wait, I gotta go. He's here. Bye.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Thank you, Chrissy!

- Have you tried Blue Apron?
- Stay focused!

Yo, next time,
we're getting two popcorns.

- I barely ate any.
- I did not eat that much.

No? None fell down your dress?

Look at all that.

- Those were there before we came.
- Yeah.

- Hey, let's go in here for a sec.
- For what?

I've been thinking about
getting a nose ring.

- Stud or hoop?
- It don't matter as long as it's gold.

- Hi.
- Hey.

Can I see a marquis cut
with a platinum band?

The man knows what he wants.

What you know about a marquis out?

The diamonds in this setting
begin in a half karat and go up to three.

- This one?
- That's very nice.

Thank you.

Do you like that?

Do you like that?

Like that?

What? Can we go?

- What? Why?
- I just don't feel good.

I think I had too much junk at the movies.

- Sorry.
- That's okay.

It's okay.

You're lying. I cannot
see you as a fat kid.

Husky. My mom said I was husky.

Okay. Your mom
sounds like a lovely woman.

She is. She's nice.

Oh, my mom.
Oh, my gosh, she was always on me.

I remember my first year in college.

I wilded out just to piss her off.

Really? I wanna hear more
about this wild Molly.

No. That's okay.

Nah. What? Did you go to juvie?

- You were slanging that rock?
- Shut up.

- No. I just did young, dumb shit.
- Okay.

Like, I may or may not have slept
with a college professor.

- Okay. More, please.
- Oh, my... No. Okay.

All right. Also in college,
I made out with a girl at a frat party.

See, I'm not mad at that.

- Of course you're not.
- Okay, what else?

Okay,

I did coke for, like, a hot second
in law school.

And I also had my tongue pierced for,
like, a month.

But, wait, why am I the only one sharing?

- No, where's your dirt? No, bring it.
- Okay.

I ran naked through a
Best Western one time.

I was so fucking high.

Please come harder, okay?

Okay. I slept with my first boss.
And she was married.

Shit!

- The husky home-wrecker.
- Yeah.

Yeah. That's what they called me.

Okay. What else you got?

When I was 20, I kind of had
a sexual experience like yours.

What you mean?

I messed around with a guy before.

- Wait, you did what?
- I mean, it was, like, a long time ago.

My friend and I were at this party
in New York, both super drunk.

Went back to his place and then, you know,
it just kind of happened.

What kind of happened?

He went down on me.

So you're, like, bi?

No. No, definitely not.

I mean, I had never done
anything like this before,

and I knew afterwards it wasn't for me.

- Like, how long after, though?
- Like, immediately.

Okay, like, but immediately when?

And, like, was this, like, a one-time thing
with this one guy?

Or was it, like, a one-time thing
with other guys or...

Molly, one guy, one time. That's it.

Okay.

- I have so many questions.
- Shit, me, too.

- Okay, how many times?
- Did he like it?

- Okay, did he come? Did they both come?
- Kelli, that's enough.

Shit, we're all thinking it!

Sweetie, you can't keep dating him.
He's gay.

Because that totally makes him gay, right?

Bitch, sophomore year,
you hooked up with that chick

who looked like Lisa Turtle.

Okay, who didn't?

- It's different for women.
- Okay, wait, wait, wait.

You're telling me that
once a dude touches a dick, he's gay?

Yes.

So, it's, like, straight, straight, straight,
straight, straight, straight, Lee Daniels?

Yes. It's a double standard.
But, well, that's how it is.

Okay, bitch, so she's supposed
to stop seeing Jared

just because he doesn't subscribe

to the heteronormative
rejection of sexual fluidity?

One Woman's Studies class
and this bitch talk

like she doing the spoken word in Flawless.
I love it.

I'm just saying
why can't black men explore their sexuality

without being labeled
gay or bi or whatever?

Because I want my man to be a man.

That's homophobic as fuck, okay?

And if Jared were white,
you would chalk that shit up to the game.

Preach! Why do black men have to fit in a
box and be super masculine all the time?

I mean, damn!
Can't a nigga get his dick sucked?

Also, can we bring these drinks inside?

No, wait, wait, wait, hold on.

Are you telling me that if you found out

Lawrence got his dick sucked
by some dude way back when,

you would still be talking
all this fluidity shit?

Okay, well, Lawrence
likes to cook, you know,

and he is very particular
about his laundry.

So, you know, besides having sex with men,
he's kind of the gayest.

- You're so stupid.
- It's true!

Okay, well, Tiffany, what about you?

Like, if you ever found out
that Derek one time...

- He wouldn't.
- I know, but, like, what if one time...

- He wouldn't.
- What, you can't just play along?

No, because he would never, so that's that.

- You don't know that.
- Denial!

- He Played.
- What's up?

Where y'all two been?
What y'all been doing together?

You guys ready to see this Jesus play?

They ran out of programs,
so you are gonna have to share.

And they are handing out Kleenex.

The ushers said there will be tears.

Okay, hey.

Y'all better not talk shit
about my cousin's janky-ass play.

Okay? He a hood rat, but we family.

All right? This shit going to Broadway.

- I saw The First Supper.
- Did you?

Hey. Girl, I know what Jared said was
tough, but it happened one time.

And he's a good person.

So, if you like him, don't
let that shit ruin it.

I'm gonna try.

- I'm gonna try.
- All right.

- That's him. That's my cousin.
- Where?

I didn't mean to snitch.

I was just trying to teach him a lesson.

Shit!

Hamilton this is not.

No shade, but why are there
two intermissions?

One for the bathroom, one for food.

Now, if he was the real son of God,
then he gonna be all right.

Y'all gonna have to tell me what's going on,
'cause I can't see shit behind this big-ass hat.

Hey, sister.

Hi.

Nigga!

Why hast thou forsaken me?

You said you was loyal, but you wasn't.

You said you was faithful,
but you a lying-ass bitch.

My bad, my nigga.
I shouldn't have betrayed you.

I was just tempted, you heard?

You only got yourself to blame.

I can't fucks with you no more.

You can't just bounce!
I'm your day one. You gotta forgive me.

Nigga, you know I love you.

No homo.

But we through.

Jesus out!

- What happened?
- I don't know but I know I hate my cousin.

Good job, Tyrell.

I think this place would work perfect
for our fundraiser.

It's huge inside.

And they provide candles for ambiance.

It's a no-brainer!

Are you tired?

I'm sorry. I just didn't
sleep great last night.

- Hey.
- Yo.

I got good news. I got an interview.

Really? Where?

With this tech company in Santa Monica.

- Shit, that's amazing! I'm so happy for you!
- Thanks, babe.

I feel like things could finally
be falling in place for us.

Yeah.

Thanks for just being here for me, babe.

Of course. I love you. Congrats.

Is everything okay?

What the fuck?

Excuse me! Excuse me, we're right here!

- Can you please stop?
- Sorry. I caught ya.

What? You caught me?

I literally just watched
it go from green to red.

- You can't let it go this one time?
- Once I start writing...

That is a lie. They can
totally stop writing.

Okay, go back to your
shitty-ass, little tricycle

and back to your shitty-ass life,
'cause that's all you've got.

- Yeah.
- You don't even have a real weapon.

All you have is that stupid little box.

And you can't even stop a crime.

All you can do is write a receipt for it.

Go home to your kids.

Shit!

How'd I let that happen?

What's... I'm so fucking stupid.

What's wrong with me?

Hey, it's not that bad.

Can you... Can you please stop?

What? What?

L just... l just can't.

I'm sorry.
I just can't stop thinking about you...

- You and that guy.
- Me and that guy what?

I'm sorry. I just can't do this.

Damn.

I'm sorry, girl.

I feel so stupid.

I'm tired of this shit never working out.

- Are you sure you can't move past it?
- No, I tried.

I thought I could deal with it,
but at this point, it's over.

Fuck! I really liked him.

I mean, Why'd he have to tell me?

I'm such a fucking mess.

I fucked Daniel.

Bitch, you did what?

Are you okay?

You gonna do it again?

No.

Then don't tell Lawrence.

Just move on.

My weaknesses?

Well, my major weakness
is that I tend to put a lot of pressure,

sometimes too much pressure,
on myself to succeed,

but I've worked on that.

- What are you doing?
- Going over a few questions.

Just preparing for my interview.

Do I sound dumb?

Damn it, Issa.