Insecure (2016–…): Season 1, Episode 5 - Shady as Fuck - full transcript
Maybe it's really rough
Maybe it's had enough
Broken pussy
Nobody wants you
'Cause you got a broken pussy
I know.
It's so stupid.
Yeah, but, like, funny stupid.
Wait, was this the night that we...
I had had a few drinks
and I just needed to blow off some steam.
Well, look,
yo, I know you used to rap in high school,
but it's weird seeing you like this.
It was a mistake, okay?
I never thought
this would see the light of day.
It's not that bad.
Not that bad, Lawrence?
Middle school kids have seen me rapping
about pussy smells.
For the rest of their lives, they're gonna
associate pussy smells with me!
Well, you did find a way
to rhyme "loosey" with "poosie."
You're basically
teaching them Shakespeare.
Lawrence, this is embarrassing, okay?
I need the kids to take me seriously
and this completely undermines that.
They're kids, all right?
Look, they'll have fun with it
for a couple of hours
and then forget about it after the weekend.
Yeah?
Broken pussy!
Hey, Miss Issa! Look what I made.
I am so sorry.
I didn't even know this was out there.
Issa, I know this is rough and...
- And maybe...
- It's had enough!
Believe me, I am mortified.
Okay? I will fix this.
Thank you. Because Julio
is starting to teach it in Spanish.
Spanish, though?
It's Monday already?
I know. The weekend went by way too fast.
Flavor Flav, off!
Damn dog.
You know, I gotta go home anyway.
I can't go to work in jeans.
Well, next time,
you'll just have to bring an extra suit.
Yeah, I should carry a garment bag
around with me on dates.
Or you could just leave one here.
So, what are you up to tonight?
That all depends.
Are we gonna finish what we started?
Actually, my friend Diane's having a party.
Okay, cool, cool, cool.
Yeah, she just got engaged,
so she's celebrating that.
Wanna come?
Can we play it by ear?
I got a lot going on at work.
Yeah, of course. Of course, yeah.
It should be pretty nice, though.
It's gonna be at Hatchet Hall.
Okay. I'll try my best.
All right.
I should probably let Diane know
if I'm bringing a plus one.
Okay, put me on the list.
Okay.
- See you tonight.
- All right.
What are you gonna do?
Where are you gonna go?
Everybody's laughing at you, a female Bozo.
You can go and hide
or you could try to fix it.
Go get all your tools together.
Get on your mechanic.
- Damn!
- Right?
And now the kids at school
are talking about it.
And if it gets back to my boss,
who the fuck knows what she's gonna do?
And, girl, I got memed.
- What?
- Yeah.
I just don't have time for this right now.
Okay, okay, wait, wait, wait.
Just slow down.
How did the kids find
it in the first place?
Daniel! He was talking about
what a great rapper I was
and the kids must've googled me,
the stupid, smart-as-fuck,
researching-ass kids.
Don't give me the auntie "mm," okay?
I'm the victim here.
You're the victim?
This video was recorded
without my knowledge or my consent.
It's basically rap rape.
Okay, well, technically, it was my pussy,
so if anybody's gonna blow
the rap rape whistle,
it would be me.
Look, I just need you to be my lawyer
and threaten the shit out of the person
who posted this video.
Are they refusing to take it down?
I don't know who posted it!
Then who I'ma threaten, Issa?
All right, who else was there that night?
Daniel might know who posted it, okay?
He knew hella people
who were there that night.
All right, so there's no other person
who was there who could help?
Not the bartender, not the emcee
or any other nigga
you haven't carried a fuck torch for?
Bitch, I don't... I don't
care about him! Okay?
I just wanna get this video taken down
before it ends up on WorldStar.
All right, well, let me see how I can help.
I'll call Jared.
His brother performed
at Maverick's that night.
Thank you, seriously.
- You gotta work?
- Yes, bitch, I'm a real-ass lawyer.
- So? Damn it!
- Nah.
I checked with the manager and the DJ.
Nada.
What am I gonna do?
Listen, let me just make some calls, okay?
No, it's fine. It's not on you.
It is, though.
Shit, I should've never told the kids
you rapped.
Don't worry about it. I'll figure it out.
I'ma find out who put that shit up
and ghost it.
I gotta be at the studio in 20.
Can you drop me off?
Hey. I got you.
- Yes.
- So, he's fat?
- Yes, he's fat. Very.
- Whatever.
Not big-boned, fat.
- Yes, sir.
- You're stupid.
Damn. Roscoe's got some talent.
Hey, I'm getting married, man.
Shut the fuck up, man.
No, for real this time. Leah's it, brah.
Yo, how long y'all known each other?
Not that long.
It's crazy, though, man.
The one day,
I'm getting the girl a deal on a loft,
next, I'm getting engaged,
moving into that loft,
and realizing
it has some real structural problems.
Shit. Yo, congratulations, man.
- Thanks, man.
- Yeah.
Brah, she's got me doing crazy shit.
She want me to meet the parents.
I drove her to the airport.
- Why you laughing?
- Yeah. It's crazy.
- Yeah.
- It's crazy.
Yo, how'd she make the cut?
She's special.
You know, man, when you know, you know.
Plus the head is crazy.
What about you and your girl?
We good.
For real?
Last time I talked to you, you told me
you didn't give a fuck about her.
No, I told you I fucked up her birthday.
- That's kind of the same thing, though.
- Seriously, man.
I mean, we went through some shit, but...
- We in a good place.
- So, what's taking you so long?
I'm still getting my shit together.
Yeah?
Nigga, why don't you
get your shit together-together?
That's what I told Leah.
We're gonna handle her divorce
and our prenup at the same time.
It's just good time management.
- What?
- What's up with your hair, though?
We need to get this shit fixed.
- I got a guy.
- I'm not fucking... No.
It's a little off on the corner, man.
- The corner's off.
- My hair is fine.
Try right there. Yep, right there.
- Hey.
- Hey!
It's been a minute. How you doing?
Just busy working.
Just...
So, what's up?
You remember Issa?
Well, someone shot
a video of her rapping that night
at Maverick's,
and now she might get in trouble for it.
But I remember
your brother performed that night,
so maybe he might know who posted it.
Yeah, maybe. I'll ask him.
Thank you.
That's what friends are for.
So, was that all you called me for or...
It was, but it's really
good to hear your voice.
You should hear it in person.
Is that Chris?
- Chris?
- Fuck.
- He sounds friendly.
- Yeah, he...
Yeah, no, it's...
I mean, it's not, you know...
Relax, yo. I'm just fucking with you.
I know! And I'm fucking back, yeah.
I'll talk to my brother.
All right. Have a good one.
- Bye.
- B ye.
I am so sorry. Who was that?
It was Jared.
And can you stop playing
"Who's Molly on the Phone With?"
'Cause you're pretty bad at it.
Yeah, I suck at guessing. Idiot.
Yeah, that's what he told me.
No, man, I'm just... Are you sure?
All right, thanks anyway.
Come on, guys.
Fuck!
This is what the fuck I get.
For what?
Why'd I have to go up on that stage?
This... This is why I don't do shit.
This isn't me.
Are you kidding? That's all you.
All right? You gotta go for shit like that,
and you were good.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- You feel better?
- No.
Why don't you come in for a second?
You don't need to be driving
all stressed out, all right?
Just come in, wait out the traffic.
Yeah, okay.
Yeah? All right.
Yo!
- Yo, y'all, this is Issa.
- Hey.
What up?
HEY-
Yo, we good, man.
- Hey, you want something to drink?
- I'm good. Thank you.
All right.
You want the wheel with chairs on it?
No, I'll... I'll just sit right here.
- That's what's up.
- Thank you, though.
- Are you ready to do this?
- Yeah, let's get it.
Let's do it, boo.
How much clout you got?
How many rims you roll?
How many clothes you rock?
How many hos you fuck?
How many hos you got?
How many blunts you smoke?
How many guns you pop? Hey
Hey, that was hot.
- I fucks with it.
- Heavy. Heavy!
Killed that shit.
Nigga, it's dead, deceased.
- Play that back. Play that back.
- All right.
Hey, hey
How much clout you got?
How many rims you roll?
How many clothes you rock?
How many hos you fuck?
How many hos you got?
How many blunts you smoke?
I think you should do it again.
What? What's good? What's wrong with that?
You got that faded sound
like your voice don't have range.
Like, it's...
Monotonous.
Yep.
Yep, just play with your levels.
All right, if you say so.
I'ma play with it.
It's hot, right?
It made me realize how ignorant
I've been about the drug cartel in Mexico.
I always thought it was about a girl
named Sicario, so I was way off.
Where's your new man? Chris, right?
I don't think he's gonna make it.
- Thank you guys for coming!
- Hey!
Hi.
- You look great.
- You look beautiful.
- Congratulations.
- Thank you, man. Thank you, thank you.
- Molly.
- Yeah?
Can you please talk some sense
into my fiancee?
Tell them what you wanna
walk down the aisle to.
- Oh, my God, Jamal, stop it!
- Nope. Sing it.
Okay.
Black and yellow, black and yellow
Black and yellow, black and yellow
See? See what I've been dealing with here?
I hate you.
You're annoying. I love you.
There you are.
- Chris!
- Sorry I'm late.
Oh, God, hi!
Yeah, Chris, this is Mark.
Is this the new boyfriend?
- It's just...
- Yep. Nice to meet you.
They're putting out more mushroom puffs.
Been stalking those all night.
- Thank you for coming.
- Congratulations.
Thank you.
Two Black and Tans.
Thank you.
That's their signature drink?
They're really sticking to the theme.
I mean, seriously.
So, "boyfriend"? That was new.
Well, did you mean it?
Oh, no. I thought we were on the same page.
I'm... What page was that?
I was just trying to help.
By pretending to be my boyfriend?
No. Well, kind of.
It just seemed like tonight was really
important to you,
and I didn't want you to be embarrassed.
This is embarrassing.
Look, I just got the sense that...
And don't take this the wrong way,
you really needed a win.
- Because I'm a loser?
- No!
I meant that...
You think I'm so pathetic
that I needed you to come and save me?
You're the one who was asking me to come.
Like, repeatedly.
But I did not ask you to lie.
We barely even know each other
and you're talking about me leaving
clothes at your spot,
making plans six months in advance.
I thought this was what you wanted.
You should leave.
Now.
Damn it.
Hey, you.
- Tasha? Hey!
- Hey, hey.
I almost didn't recognize you
without your name tag.
I mean, I clean up okay.
You need to come do this at the bank.
I just got bored.
Well, then it's a good thing I came by.
So, you finally getting rid
of your old computer?
I wish. I just need some batteries.
You guys have any?
Yeah. They're in the front by the register.
Really?
I guess I just got lost.
My boy Ernest works up there.
You want me to grab him for you?
Nah. That's all right.
So, I'm about to go HAM
on some jalapeno poppers
and margaritas at Islands.
That's cool.
Yeah. You get off soon, right?
Shit.
I have a girlfriend, Tasha.
Right. Yeah.
I mean, I just thought that...
- No, that's...
- That's all right.
Yeah, I'll just see you later.
Cool.
- Okay.
- All right.
- Same time tomorrow?
- Yeah, man.
- Good job today, though.
- Hey, appreciate it.
- Hey, nice to meet you.
- Y'all, too.
Good night, boo. Later, boy.
I should probably go, too.
For what? I just got done.
Oh, yeah, no, it's just getting late
and I figured I might as well...
Then come on, sit down.
Let me... Let me have a drink with you.
Yeah, okay.
- On, shit!
- Shit! My fault.
Yeah, no. I'm stupid and clumsy.
Nah.
- Don't even worry about it. I got it.
- Hold up, hold up.
Thanks.
Yo, you know who you look like right now?
Mr. Linus, Mr. Linus
First name Lance
Nobody likes you
You pissed your own pants
I can't believe you remember that.
That was, like, 11th grade.
You think I'd ever forget the rhymes of
the great Miss Terious?
Oh, my God! I buried
that rap name for good.
Well, then we're having
a resurrection tonight. Get up.
- Get up!
- What are you doing?
Get in the booth. Show me what you got.
Hell no! I learned my lesson.
Ain't no camera phones in here.
You're safe.
Come on, just get in the booth,
let me do the rest.
God.
Yo, yo
- Turn my headphones up?
- Go!
I love you so much. Babe, I love you.
Man, I know I got extra time
for that knife fight or whatever,
but these bitches up in here
be... up my mother... all the damn time.
And I'm up in here all by myself...
missing my mother... man...
What are you doing here?
You, I hope.
Are you drunk?
- Are you?
- No.
- I've missed you.
- Come on. Let's not do that.
Is this about Chris? Poof, he gone.
Bye, Chris!
Bye, Molly.
Wait, wait, wait!
Can I please use your bathroom real quick?
LA girl
but not the way you know it
Model make a minimum
Body from New Orleans
Chucks on my feet though I ain't
throwing my Crip up
I got LAPD tendencies
I might just take your nigga
Inglewood attitude with View Park vibes
- I rep my city like it's my nine to five
- I rep my city like it's my nine to five
- I love where I'm from, I'll never let it go
- I love where I'm from, I'll never let it go
I'm winning for my hood like
That purple and that yellow
You sound good.
Shut up.
Take a compliment.
Thank you.
What?
Why'd you never give me a shot?
What are you talking about?
Okay.
Never mind.
Nope. Please continue,
'cause I wanna hear the fuck out of this.
I mean, yeah, you know,
we were long distance and shit,
but you never took me serious.
We were friends with benefits!
Because you wanted to go do your thing
out in the streets.
Yeah, okay, so it's on you.
How is it on me?
Now you're trying to make me feel a way
on purpose?
You... You're really gonna act
like you don't know?
Okay, do you remember the summer
when I came home from college?
When you were hella obsessed
with Danity Kane?
Liked, nigga. I liked Danity Kane.
Yeah.
Anyway, you were the first person
I wanted to see.
And then remember we spent the whole
day together?
Right. We had tacos
from three different trucks.
Yes, because you couldn't remember
which spot had that sauce you liked,
and then it ended up being basic-ass
Jack in the Box.
Jack in the Box goes hard
for breakfast, though.
And then when I was driving home,
you called me back over
and I thought you were gonna say
you wanted to,
I don't know, make things official.
You know, give us a shot.
But you didn't.
I should have.
I wanted to.
I mean, maybe you're right.
Maybe I wasn't ready then.
Well, you should've said something.
I know.
I know.
What if I'm ready now?
L... L.-
You good?
Black and yellow, black and yellow,
black and yellow.
Okay.
Maybe it's had enough
Broken pussy
Nobody wants you
'Cause you got a broken pussy
I know.
It's so stupid.
Yeah, but, like, funny stupid.
Wait, was this the night that we...
I had had a few drinks
and I just needed to blow off some steam.
Well, look,
yo, I know you used to rap in high school,
but it's weird seeing you like this.
It was a mistake, okay?
I never thought
this would see the light of day.
It's not that bad.
Not that bad, Lawrence?
Middle school kids have seen me rapping
about pussy smells.
For the rest of their lives, they're gonna
associate pussy smells with me!
Well, you did find a way
to rhyme "loosey" with "poosie."
You're basically
teaching them Shakespeare.
Lawrence, this is embarrassing, okay?
I need the kids to take me seriously
and this completely undermines that.
They're kids, all right?
Look, they'll have fun with it
for a couple of hours
and then forget about it after the weekend.
Yeah?
Broken pussy!
Hey, Miss Issa! Look what I made.
I am so sorry.
I didn't even know this was out there.
Issa, I know this is rough and...
- And maybe...
- It's had enough!
Believe me, I am mortified.
Okay? I will fix this.
Thank you. Because Julio
is starting to teach it in Spanish.
Spanish, though?
It's Monday already?
I know. The weekend went by way too fast.
Flavor Flav, off!
Damn dog.
You know, I gotta go home anyway.
I can't go to work in jeans.
Well, next time,
you'll just have to bring an extra suit.
Yeah, I should carry a garment bag
around with me on dates.
Or you could just leave one here.
So, what are you up to tonight?
That all depends.
Are we gonna finish what we started?
Actually, my friend Diane's having a party.
Okay, cool, cool, cool.
Yeah, she just got engaged,
so she's celebrating that.
Wanna come?
Can we play it by ear?
I got a lot going on at work.
Yeah, of course. Of course, yeah.
It should be pretty nice, though.
It's gonna be at Hatchet Hall.
Okay. I'll try my best.
All right.
I should probably let Diane know
if I'm bringing a plus one.
Okay, put me on the list.
Okay.
- See you tonight.
- All right.
What are you gonna do?
Where are you gonna go?
Everybody's laughing at you, a female Bozo.
You can go and hide
or you could try to fix it.
Go get all your tools together.
Get on your mechanic.
- Damn!
- Right?
And now the kids at school
are talking about it.
And if it gets back to my boss,
who the fuck knows what she's gonna do?
And, girl, I got memed.
- What?
- Yeah.
I just don't have time for this right now.
Okay, okay, wait, wait, wait.
Just slow down.
How did the kids find
it in the first place?
Daniel! He was talking about
what a great rapper I was
and the kids must've googled me,
the stupid, smart-as-fuck,
researching-ass kids.
Don't give me the auntie "mm," okay?
I'm the victim here.
You're the victim?
This video was recorded
without my knowledge or my consent.
It's basically rap rape.
Okay, well, technically, it was my pussy,
so if anybody's gonna blow
the rap rape whistle,
it would be me.
Look, I just need you to be my lawyer
and threaten the shit out of the person
who posted this video.
Are they refusing to take it down?
I don't know who posted it!
Then who I'ma threaten, Issa?
All right, who else was there that night?
Daniel might know who posted it, okay?
He knew hella people
who were there that night.
All right, so there's no other person
who was there who could help?
Not the bartender, not the emcee
or any other nigga
you haven't carried a fuck torch for?
Bitch, I don't... I don't
care about him! Okay?
I just wanna get this video taken down
before it ends up on WorldStar.
All right, well, let me see how I can help.
I'll call Jared.
His brother performed
at Maverick's that night.
Thank you, seriously.
- You gotta work?
- Yes, bitch, I'm a real-ass lawyer.
- So? Damn it!
- Nah.
I checked with the manager and the DJ.
Nada.
What am I gonna do?
Listen, let me just make some calls, okay?
No, it's fine. It's not on you.
It is, though.
Shit, I should've never told the kids
you rapped.
Don't worry about it. I'll figure it out.
I'ma find out who put that shit up
and ghost it.
I gotta be at the studio in 20.
Can you drop me off?
Hey. I got you.
- Yes.
- So, he's fat?
- Yes, he's fat. Very.
- Whatever.
Not big-boned, fat.
- Yes, sir.
- You're stupid.
Damn. Roscoe's got some talent.
Hey, I'm getting married, man.
Shut the fuck up, man.
No, for real this time. Leah's it, brah.
Yo, how long y'all known each other?
Not that long.
It's crazy, though, man.
The one day,
I'm getting the girl a deal on a loft,
next, I'm getting engaged,
moving into that loft,
and realizing
it has some real structural problems.
Shit. Yo, congratulations, man.
- Thanks, man.
- Yeah.
Brah, she's got me doing crazy shit.
She want me to meet the parents.
I drove her to the airport.
- Why you laughing?
- Yeah. It's crazy.
- Yeah.
- It's crazy.
Yo, how'd she make the cut?
She's special.
You know, man, when you know, you know.
Plus the head is crazy.
What about you and your girl?
We good.
For real?
Last time I talked to you, you told me
you didn't give a fuck about her.
No, I told you I fucked up her birthday.
- That's kind of the same thing, though.
- Seriously, man.
I mean, we went through some shit, but...
- We in a good place.
- So, what's taking you so long?
I'm still getting my shit together.
Yeah?
Nigga, why don't you
get your shit together-together?
That's what I told Leah.
We're gonna handle her divorce
and our prenup at the same time.
It's just good time management.
- What?
- What's up with your hair, though?
We need to get this shit fixed.
- I got a guy.
- I'm not fucking... No.
It's a little off on the corner, man.
- The corner's off.
- My hair is fine.
Try right there. Yep, right there.
- Hey.
- Hey!
It's been a minute. How you doing?
Just busy working.
Just...
So, what's up?
You remember Issa?
Well, someone shot
a video of her rapping that night
at Maverick's,
and now she might get in trouble for it.
But I remember
your brother performed that night,
so maybe he might know who posted it.
Yeah, maybe. I'll ask him.
Thank you.
That's what friends are for.
So, was that all you called me for or...
It was, but it's really
good to hear your voice.
You should hear it in person.
Is that Chris?
- Chris?
- Fuck.
- He sounds friendly.
- Yeah, he...
Yeah, no, it's...
I mean, it's not, you know...
Relax, yo. I'm just fucking with you.
I know! And I'm fucking back, yeah.
I'll talk to my brother.
All right. Have a good one.
- Bye.
- B ye.
I am so sorry. Who was that?
It was Jared.
And can you stop playing
"Who's Molly on the Phone With?"
'Cause you're pretty bad at it.
Yeah, I suck at guessing. Idiot.
Yeah, that's what he told me.
No, man, I'm just... Are you sure?
All right, thanks anyway.
Come on, guys.
Fuck!
This is what the fuck I get.
For what?
Why'd I have to go up on that stage?
This... This is why I don't do shit.
This isn't me.
Are you kidding? That's all you.
All right? You gotta go for shit like that,
and you were good.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- You feel better?
- No.
Why don't you come in for a second?
You don't need to be driving
all stressed out, all right?
Just come in, wait out the traffic.
Yeah, okay.
Yeah? All right.
Yo!
- Yo, y'all, this is Issa.
- Hey.
What up?
HEY-
Yo, we good, man.
- Hey, you want something to drink?
- I'm good. Thank you.
All right.
You want the wheel with chairs on it?
No, I'll... I'll just sit right here.
- That's what's up.
- Thank you, though.
- Are you ready to do this?
- Yeah, let's get it.
Let's do it, boo.
How much clout you got?
How many rims you roll?
How many clothes you rock?
How many hos you fuck?
How many hos you got?
How many blunts you smoke?
How many guns you pop? Hey
Hey, that was hot.
- I fucks with it.
- Heavy. Heavy!
Killed that shit.
Nigga, it's dead, deceased.
- Play that back. Play that back.
- All right.
Hey, hey
How much clout you got?
How many rims you roll?
How many clothes you rock?
How many hos you fuck?
How many hos you got?
How many blunts you smoke?
I think you should do it again.
What? What's good? What's wrong with that?
You got that faded sound
like your voice don't have range.
Like, it's...
Monotonous.
Yep.
Yep, just play with your levels.
All right, if you say so.
I'ma play with it.
It's hot, right?
It made me realize how ignorant
I've been about the drug cartel in Mexico.
I always thought it was about a girl
named Sicario, so I was way off.
Where's your new man? Chris, right?
I don't think he's gonna make it.
- Thank you guys for coming!
- Hey!
Hi.
- You look great.
- You look beautiful.
- Congratulations.
- Thank you, man. Thank you, thank you.
- Molly.
- Yeah?
Can you please talk some sense
into my fiancee?
Tell them what you wanna
walk down the aisle to.
- Oh, my God, Jamal, stop it!
- Nope. Sing it.
Okay.
Black and yellow, black and yellow
Black and yellow, black and yellow
See? See what I've been dealing with here?
I hate you.
You're annoying. I love you.
There you are.
- Chris!
- Sorry I'm late.
Oh, God, hi!
Yeah, Chris, this is Mark.
Is this the new boyfriend?
- It's just...
- Yep. Nice to meet you.
They're putting out more mushroom puffs.
Been stalking those all night.
- Thank you for coming.
- Congratulations.
Thank you.
Two Black and Tans.
Thank you.
That's their signature drink?
They're really sticking to the theme.
I mean, seriously.
So, "boyfriend"? That was new.
Well, did you mean it?
Oh, no. I thought we were on the same page.
I'm... What page was that?
I was just trying to help.
By pretending to be my boyfriend?
No. Well, kind of.
It just seemed like tonight was really
important to you,
and I didn't want you to be embarrassed.
This is embarrassing.
Look, I just got the sense that...
And don't take this the wrong way,
you really needed a win.
- Because I'm a loser?
- No!
I meant that...
You think I'm so pathetic
that I needed you to come and save me?
You're the one who was asking me to come.
Like, repeatedly.
But I did not ask you to lie.
We barely even know each other
and you're talking about me leaving
clothes at your spot,
making plans six months in advance.
I thought this was what you wanted.
You should leave.
Now.
Damn it.
Hey, you.
- Tasha? Hey!
- Hey, hey.
I almost didn't recognize you
without your name tag.
I mean, I clean up okay.
You need to come do this at the bank.
I just got bored.
Well, then it's a good thing I came by.
So, you finally getting rid
of your old computer?
I wish. I just need some batteries.
You guys have any?
Yeah. They're in the front by the register.
Really?
I guess I just got lost.
My boy Ernest works up there.
You want me to grab him for you?
Nah. That's all right.
So, I'm about to go HAM
on some jalapeno poppers
and margaritas at Islands.
That's cool.
Yeah. You get off soon, right?
Shit.
I have a girlfriend, Tasha.
Right. Yeah.
I mean, I just thought that...
- No, that's...
- That's all right.
Yeah, I'll just see you later.
Cool.
- Okay.
- All right.
- Same time tomorrow?
- Yeah, man.
- Good job today, though.
- Hey, appreciate it.
- Hey, nice to meet you.
- Y'all, too.
Good night, boo. Later, boy.
I should probably go, too.
For what? I just got done.
Oh, yeah, no, it's just getting late
and I figured I might as well...
Then come on, sit down.
Let me... Let me have a drink with you.
Yeah, okay.
- On, shit!
- Shit! My fault.
Yeah, no. I'm stupid and clumsy.
Nah.
- Don't even worry about it. I got it.
- Hold up, hold up.
Thanks.
Yo, you know who you look like right now?
Mr. Linus, Mr. Linus
First name Lance
Nobody likes you
You pissed your own pants
I can't believe you remember that.
That was, like, 11th grade.
You think I'd ever forget the rhymes of
the great Miss Terious?
Oh, my God! I buried
that rap name for good.
Well, then we're having
a resurrection tonight. Get up.
- Get up!
- What are you doing?
Get in the booth. Show me what you got.
Hell no! I learned my lesson.
Ain't no camera phones in here.
You're safe.
Come on, just get in the booth,
let me do the rest.
God.
Yo, yo
- Turn my headphones up?
- Go!
I love you so much. Babe, I love you.
Man, I know I got extra time
for that knife fight or whatever,
but these bitches up in here
be... up my mother... all the damn time.
And I'm up in here all by myself...
missing my mother... man...
What are you doing here?
You, I hope.
Are you drunk?
- Are you?
- No.
- I've missed you.
- Come on. Let's not do that.
Is this about Chris? Poof, he gone.
Bye, Chris!
Bye, Molly.
Wait, wait, wait!
Can I please use your bathroom real quick?
LA girl
but not the way you know it
Model make a minimum
Body from New Orleans
Chucks on my feet though I ain't
throwing my Crip up
I got LAPD tendencies
I might just take your nigga
Inglewood attitude with View Park vibes
- I rep my city like it's my nine to five
- I rep my city like it's my nine to five
- I love where I'm from, I'll never let it go
- I love where I'm from, I'll never let it go
I'm winning for my hood like
That purple and that yellow
You sound good.
Shut up.
Take a compliment.
Thank you.
What?
Why'd you never give me a shot?
What are you talking about?
Okay.
Never mind.
Nope. Please continue,
'cause I wanna hear the fuck out of this.
I mean, yeah, you know,
we were long distance and shit,
but you never took me serious.
We were friends with benefits!
Because you wanted to go do your thing
out in the streets.
Yeah, okay, so it's on you.
How is it on me?
Now you're trying to make me feel a way
on purpose?
You... You're really gonna act
like you don't know?
Okay, do you remember the summer
when I came home from college?
When you were hella obsessed
with Danity Kane?
Liked, nigga. I liked Danity Kane.
Yeah.
Anyway, you were the first person
I wanted to see.
And then remember we spent the whole
day together?
Right. We had tacos
from three different trucks.
Yes, because you couldn't remember
which spot had that sauce you liked,
and then it ended up being basic-ass
Jack in the Box.
Jack in the Box goes hard
for breakfast, though.
And then when I was driving home,
you called me back over
and I thought you were gonna say
you wanted to,
I don't know, make things official.
You know, give us a shot.
But you didn't.
I should have.
I wanted to.
I mean, maybe you're right.
Maybe I wasn't ready then.
Well, you should've said something.
I know.
I know.
What if I'm ready now?
L... L.-
You good?
Black and yellow, black and yellow,
black and yellow.
Okay.