In Living Color (1990–1994): Season 5, Episode 4 - Unpoetic Justice - full transcript
HI, I'M LOOMIS SIMMONS.
LADIES, DO YOU LONG
FOR THE PITTER-PATTER...
OF TINY LITTLE FEETS
IN YOUR HOUSE?
ARE YOU WORRIED THAT THE CUCKOO
BIRD IN YOUR BIOGRAPHICAL CLOCK...
HAS STOPPED LAYING EGGS?
I HOPE SO. BUT YOU DON'T HAVE
TO WORRY WHEN YOU LET ME...
KNOCK YOU UP!
THE PLAN IS SIMPLE TO FOLLOW.
CALL ME, LOOMIS,
AND I WILL SEND YOU ONE
OF MY MOTIVATIONAL TAPES...
RECORDED ON THESE HIGH
QUALITY EIGHT-TRACK CARTRIDGES.
IT'LL GET YOU IN THE MOOD FOR ONE
OF OUR ROMANTICAL ENCOUNTERS.
LET'S LISTEN. ♪♪ [Romantic]
MY CHÉRI "AMOIVRA."
THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE!
AIN'T NO MAN IN HIS
RIGHT MIND WANT YOU!
YOUR OVARIES AIN'T NO
GOOD. THEY LOOK LIKE RAISINS.
LOOMIS IS THE MAN.
LOOMIS IS THE MAN.
LOOMIS IS THE MANNN!
MMM!
DON'T THAT JUST MAKE
YOUR NATURE RISE?
NEXT, I, LOOMIS SIMMONS, WILL
COME UP IN THROUGH YOUR CRIB...
AND INTRODUCE YA TO MY PARTNER.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKIN' ABOUT?
MAYBE TWO OR THREE
TIMES IF NECESSARY.
NOW, YOU MAY
THINK, "BUT, LOOMIS,
I'M TOO BUTT UGLY FOR EVEN
YOU TO WANT TO KNOCK ME UP."
AND YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT.
BUT WHEN I GENTLY APPLY...
MY SPECIAL BEAUTY
ENHANCER OVER YOUR MUG,
EVEN I CAN GET THE JOB DONE.
AND DON'T FORGET LOOMIS'S
NO-RETURN GUARANTEE.
AS SOON AS YOU DROP THAT
CALF, I AIN'T COMIN' BACK.
LET'S LISTEN TO ONE OF
MY SATISFIED CUSTOMERS.
MY WIFE AND I WANTED
TO START A FAMILY,
BUT OUR SCHEDULES ALWAYS SEEMED
TO CONFLICT, SO WE CALLED LOOMIS.
NOW WE'RE ONE BIG HAPPY FAMILY.
THANK YOU, LOOMISESES.
SO DO WHAT THOUSANDS OF
OTHER HARD UP HEIFERS HAVE DONE.
CALL 1-900-K-N-O-C-K-UP TODAY,
AND BEFORE YOU KNOW IT, YOU'LL BE
CARRYIN' YOUR OWN BUNDLE OF JOY...
OR AS I, LOOMIS, LIKE TO
CALL IT, "A FRUIT OF LOOMIS"...
WHEN YOU LET ME KNOCK YOU UP!
- [Laughing]
- ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN WALK ON THE
MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪
♪ YOU SEE, IT'S NEVER TOO
LATE AND IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪
- ♪ TAKE IT FROM ME
IT'S A'IGHT TO BE ♪
- HI-YAH!
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ AND HOW WOULD YA... HOW
WOULD YA... HOW WOULD YA F... ♪
♪ HOW WOULD YOU FEEL KNOWING
PREJUDICE WAS OBSOLETE ♪
♪ AND ALL MANKIND
DANCED TO THE EXACT BEAT ♪
[Echoing] ♪ AND AT NIGHT IT WAS
SAFE TO WALK DOWN THE STREET ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WAN...
WAN... ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WAN...
WAN... WAN... ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WAN...
WAN... ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WAN...
WAN... WAN... ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
[Turntable Scratching]
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪♪
[Laughing]
[Announcer] AND NOW A WORD
FROM THE CORLICK SISTERS.
ACTUALLY, THIS COMMERCIAL IS
MEANT TO SERVE AS AN APOLOGY.
RIGHT. BELIEVE IT OR NOT,
THEY'VE HAD SOME COMPLAINTS...
FROM SOME OF THE BLACK
CUSTOMERS HERE AT LENNY'S.
THAT'S "DENY'S." OH.
AND YOU BLACK PEOPLE, I REALIZE
THAT WHOLE SLAVERY THING...
MIGHT HAVE BEEN A
LITTLE UNPLEASANT.
OH, IT'S A DARN SHAME. BUT WE'RE
NOT HERE TO CHANGE THE WORLD.
MY, MY, NO. WE'RE
JUST HERE TO SERVE...
THE KIND OF FOOD WEIRDOS
AND INSOMNIACS LOVE TO EAT.
AND ANY OTHER RELIGION.
MAKES NO DIFFERENCE TO US.
OH, YOU ARE A MORON! WE'RE
THROUGH TALKING ABOUT RELIGION.
LET'S TALK ABOUT ALL THE
NEW BLACK PEOPLE WE BOUGHT.
YOU MEAN "HIRED"! PEOPLE
USED TO COMPLAIN... YEAH.
THERE WAS ONLY ONE BLACK GUY WORKING
HERE, AND HE WAS MOPPING THE FLOORS.
NOW WE HAVE FOUR GUYS MOPPING THE
FLOOR, AND WE'VE CHANGED OUR VENUE.
THAT'S "CHANGE OF MENU." RIGHT.
WE SERVE THE SAME FOOD
FULL OF FLAVOR AND GERITOL.
THAT'S "CHOLESTEROL"!
THAT'S RIGHT.
AND WE'VE GIVEN OUR NEW NAME TO
APPEAL TO AFRICANS AND FARRAKHAN.
OH, THAT'S "AFRICAN-AMERICAN"!
OKAY, SMARTY-PANTS.
LET'S TALK ABOUT
THE BIBS. THAT'S "RIBS."
JUST LOOK AT OUR NEW
"BABY'S GOT BACK" RIBS.
OH, GOD, THIS SUCKS!
THAT'S NOT ALL THAT SUCKS.
THERE'S ALSO OUR SPECIAL
DRIVE-BY BREAKFAST.
I JUST LOVE THOSE
DEAD PIGS IN A BLANKET.
AND BE SURE TO TRY OUR ALL
NEW GRAND SLAMBO DINNERS.
AND WE'VE ADDED EXTRA
WATERMELON TO OUR STOLEN CAR.
THAT'S THE "SALAD
BAR"! EAT UP, HOUSE FLY.
THAT'S "HOMEBOY"!
[Announcer] DENY'S... WHERE BLACK
MONEY IS AS WELCOME AS ANYBODY'S.
♪ MMM ♪
♪ WE BACK UP IN THIS PLACE ♪
♪ YO, YO, YO ♪
♪ I DON'T KNOW ABOUT
YOU BUT I'M A-RAISE IT UP ♪
♪ SOME OF THE OLD SCHOOL
PLAYAS GONNA RAISE IT UP ♪
♪ AND WE DON'T STOP ROCKIN' ♪
♪ WE KEEP ON POPPIN'
WE AIN'T PLAYIN' ♪
♪ I DON'T KNOW ABOUT
YOU BUT I'M A RAISE IT UP ♪
♪ ALL THE OLD SCHOOL
PLAYAS GONNA RAISE IT UP ♪
♪ AND WE DON'T STOP ROCKIN' ♪
♪ WE KEEP ON POPPIN'
WE AIN'T PLAYIN' ♪
♪ I DON'T KNOW ABOUT
YOU BUT I'M A-RAISE IT UP ♪
♪ ALL THE OLD SCHOOL
PLAYAS GONNA RAISE IT UP ♪
♪ AND WE DON'T STOP ROCKIN' ♪
♪ WE KEEP ON POPPIN'
WE AIN'T PLAYIN' ♪♪
[Announcer] NOW, FROM THE
DIRECTOR OF BOYS IN THE HOOD...
COMES A FILM STARRING
JANET JACKSON...
AS A SINGER WHO SHOULDN'T
TRY TO DO MOVIES...
AND TUPAC AS A RAPPER
WHOSE MOTHER NAMED HIM...
HIM AFTER A CHEAP WAY
TO BUY TOILET PAPER.
THEY WERE BOTH LOOKING
FOR A LITTLE UNPOETIC JUSTICE.
YEAH, CHICAGO, HE FINE.
THERE HE IS. ISN'T HE CUTE?
GIRL, YOU NEED TO ROLL
UP TO OAKTOWN WITH US.
GIRL, YOU TRIPPIN'. JANET JACKSON
DON'T RIDE IN NO MAIL TRUCK.
[Scoffs] HOW LONG YOU
BEEN DOIN' HAIR ANYWAY?
[Thinking] I DON'T DO HAIR. I MAKE
UP POEMS AND SAY THEM TO MYSELF.
TODAY, THIS MOVIE OPENS.
TOMORROW, THE VIDEO SHELF.
GIRL, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?
HEY, BABY. DAMN,
THEM JEANS IS TIGHT!
[Thinking] TIGHT. MY
JEANS ARE TOO TIGHT.
IT TAKES FOUR PEOPLE TO
PULL THEM OFF ME AT NIGHT.
LET'S CUT THE BULL.
I KNOW WHAT YOU REALLY WANT.
WHAT I REALLY WANNA KNOW IS,
WHAT YOU DOIN' IN THIS MOVIE...
WHEN YOU'VE NEVER BEEN TO THE
HOOD A DAY IN YOUR LIFE, UNDERSTAND ME?
[Thinking] I DO NOT LIKE
BEING IN THE HOOD.
I DO NOT LIKE IT,
THOUGH I SHOULD.
I DO NOT LIKE GREEN
EGGS AND HAM.
I DO NOT LIKE THEM, SAM I AM.
TELL ME, BABY, HOW YOU
GET A NAME LIKE JUSTICE?
IT'S A LONG STORY. HEY
Y'ALL, I JUST REMEMBERED.
THIS IS A JOHN SINGLETON
MOVIE! OH, YEAH.
BLEEP YOU! WELL, BLEEP YOU!
WELL, BEEP YOU! WELL,
BEEP, BLEEP, BLEEP, BLEEP!
WELL, BLEEP, BLEEP, BLEEP, BLEEP
YOU! WELL, BEEP, BLEEP, THEN...
BLEEPY BLEEP, BLEEP!
NOW THAT THE CURSING'S OVER,
IT'S TIME TO HEAR SOME MORE VOICES.
[Man's Voice Speaking
Spanish In Janet's Head]
[Translating] WHERE
IS THE LIBRARY?
WHY COULDN'T I GET WHITNEY'S
ROLE IN THE BODYGUARD?
OH! OH, YOU TOO GOOD FOR US NOW!
[Man's Voice] ATTENTION
KMART SHOPPERS.
WE HAVE A BLUE-LIGHT
SPECIAL ON AISLE 3.
NOW AVAILABLE, VIDEO COPIES OF
JOHN SINGLETON'S POETIC JUSTICE.
JUST 3.99. WAIT A
SECOND. MAKE THAT 1.99.
[Announcer] UNPOETIC JUSTICE.
IT'S NOT JUST A
MOVIE, IT'S A... A-A-A...
WE DON'T KNOW
WHAT THE HELL IT IS.
SOME OF YOU ARE STUNNED BY THOMAS HEARNS'S
CHOICE OF A CHALLENGER FOR HIS COMEBACK.
HIS OPPONENT, A VIRTUAL UNKNOWN BY
THE NAME OF CARL "THE TOOTH" WILLIAMS,
UNRANKED BY THE W.B.A., THE
W.B.C., THE I.B.F. AND THE W.B.F.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
CARL "THE TOOTH" WILLIAMS.
[Reporters Shouting Questions]
TOOTH, WHERE WERE
YOU BORN, TOOTH?
BASICALLY, I WAS
BORN THOUGH IN C.P.T.
UH, MR. WILLIAMS, WHAT WOULD
YOU SAY TO THOSE WHO CONTEND...
THAT YOU'RE COMPLETELY
OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE...
AND NO MATCH FOR MR. "HITMAN,"
THOMAS HEARNS OR SOMETHIN'?
WELL, I THINK THEY SHOULD
READ THE PARAPHERNALIA.
- WELL, WHAT ABOUT YOUR RECORD?
- MY RECORD SPEAKS FOR ITSELF.
UH, TOOTH, YOUR
RECORD IS 0 AND 217.
YEAH, BUT I'M CLOSING
IN FAST ON THAT NUMBER.
BUT, UH, LIKE I SAID, MY
RECORD SPEAKS FOR ITSELF,
BUT IT DON'T NECESSARILY
SPEAK FOR MYSELF.
WHATEVER I HAD SAID.
AND, ANYWAY, I GOT NEW
TECHNIQUES RIGHT NOW.
- AH, TRAINING TECHNIQUES?
- NO, ACTUALLY,
I GOT NEW BRUSHIN' TECHNIQUES.
SEE, I FEEL THAT A CLEAN
TOOFUS IS A HAPPY TOOFUS.
TOOTH, I'VE GOT A
QUESTION FOR YOU.
WHAT WOULD YOU SAY
THAT MUHAMMAD ALI,
JOE FRAZIER AND GEORGE
FOREMAN ALL HAVE IN COMMON?
UH, BASICALLY, UH,
THEY ALL KICKED MY ASS.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, TOMMY
HEARNS IS ENTERING THE BUILDING NOW!
- WHERE HE AT? WHERE HE AT?
- ♪♪ [Hip-Hop]
UH, MR. HEARNS...
[Female Reporter] TOOTH,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I'M STARING HIM DOWN.
I'M GETTING INTO HIS HEAD.
- BUT THAT'S HIS MANAGER.
- OH, SAY, YEAH, I KNEW THAT. I KNEW THAT.
UH, MR. HEARNS... MR. HEARNS,
CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION?
THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO
THINK THAT CARL "THE TOOTH" WILLIAMS...
POSES NO DANGER TO YOUR TITLE.
WELL, THAT'S NOT TRUE. EVERY
BONE IN HIS BODY HAS BEEN BROKEN,
SO THAT MAKES HIM FLEXIBLE.
TOOTH, YOU'VE GOTTA FEEL LIKE YOU'RE
PRETTY MUCH COMPLETELY OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE.
WELL, YOU KNOW, BASICALLY,
THAT'S WHAT THEY HAD SAID...
WHEN I FOUGHT SUGAR
RAY LEONARD AND CHAVEZ.
RIGHT. AND SUGAR RAY LEONARD
BROKE YOUR SPINE AND YOUR JAW...
AND KNOCKED YOU
OUT IN 12 SECONDS.
WELL, HE DID, BUT A LOT
OF PEOPLE DIDN'T REPORT...
THAT I WAS BACK ON SOLID
FOODS WITHIN 10 WEEKS.
TOOTH, WHOM DO YOU
CREDIT YOUR SUCCESS TO?
I CREDIT ALL MY SUCCESS
TO THE MAN UPSTAIRS.
- GOD?
- NO, MR. JOHNSON IN 2-B.
HE USED TO RUN ME DOWN
TO THE GYM EVERY DAY.
AND I ALSO GIVE IT UP TO
MY MAMA. COME ON OUT, MOM!
M-M-MRS. WILLIAMS!
[Reporters Shouting]
JUST CALL ME "GUMS."
OH. OH, LISTEN, SON, YOU
FORGOT YOUR TOOTH PROTECTOR.
THERE YOU GO, BABY.
THANK YOU. AH. AH.
THERE YOU GO. [Male
Reporter] UH, MRS., UH...
MRS. GUMS, WHAT WAS IT LIKE
BRINGING UP, UH, YOUR... YOUR SON?
I REMEMBER THE VERY
FIRST DAY OF SECOND GRADE.
HE COME HOME, HIS
EYE ALL SWOLL UP SHUT.
AND HE JUST KEPT SAYIN', "CUT
ME, MOMMY. CUT ME, MOMMY."
HE WAS SO CUTE. YOU KNOW, WE DIDN'T
HAVE MUCH MONEY BACK IN THEM DAYS,
BUT LUCKILY, IT SEEMED LIKE THE TOOTH
FAIRY WOULD BE THERE EVERY OTHER DAY.
MM-HMM. MM-HMM. YEAH, AND
BASICALLY, AS MOM HAD REITERATED,
I WAS TRYIN' TO... DON'T
INTERRUPT YOUR MAMA!
[Groaning]
THAT WAS A CHEAP SHOT, 'CAUSE
IT WAS AFTER THE BELL HAD RANG.
I FEEL I WILL REGAIN MY TITLE.
BUT AFTER THAT FALLING DOWN, I
FEEL LIKE I'M KINDA WARMED UP NOW.
LOOK OUT! [Laughs]
YOU WARMED UP, HUH? COME
ON. I GOT SOMETHING FOR YOU.
YOU FALL TO ALL THE
CONTENDERS FROM TYSON TO ALI,
BUT, BOY, YOU MUST BE CRAZY
TO STEP INTO THE RING WITH ME.
[Groans] WHOA!
I GOT YOUR BACK, SON. DON'T
WORRY. DON'T... HEY, HEY!
HOLD ON. IT WASN'T LIKE
THAT. YOU GOTTA UNDERSTAND.
LISTEN TO ME. LISTEN TO ME. LET ME
TALK TO YOU. I WANNA TALK TO YOU.
OH, I DON'T BELIEVE IT!
THE TOOTH'S MOM HAS JUST
KNOCKED OUT TOMMY "HITMAN" HEARNS!
[Reporters Shouting]
YES, SIR, I UNDERSTAND
COMPLETELY.
I ASSURE YOU, SIR. WE ARE
GONNA FIND A NEW HIT SHOW.
WE'LL HAVE THIS NETWORK BACK
ON TOP IN-IN NO TIME, ALL RIGHT?
I PROMISE. I GUARANTEE IT.
ALL RIGHT. YES, SIR. I
UNDERSTAND. GOOD-BYE, SIR.
[Sighs] WHERE AM I GONNA
FIND A HIT SHOW? [Whirring]
♪♪ [Both Singing, Indistinct]
PARDON ME, HOME SKILLET.
DID I HEAR TELL SOMEONE
MENTION A HIT SHOW?
DIG THAT, 'CAUSE WE DOWN WITH
THAT, MAN. WHO THE HELL ARE YOU GUYS?
I'M GLAD YOU ASKED. MY NAME'S
CLAVELL. AND I AM HOWARD TIBBS III.
[Together] AND WE ARE
FUNKY FINGER PRODUCTIONS.
I BELIEVE ME AND YOU MET
AT THE RICKY JAMES TRIAL.
DIG IT. AND THE
COURTROOM WAS SMOKIN'.
LOOK HERE. BEFORE
WE GO ANY FURTHER,
ANYBODY EVER TELL YOU YOU
LOOK LIKE A SWOLLEN TOM CRUISE?
DON'T HE? ALL UP HERE. LET
ME GIVE YOU ONE OF MY CARDS.
YOU KNOW, I'M FRESH OUT. HOWARD.
BAM! LOOK OUT.
NOW, THE NUMBER ON
THE BACK IS OURS. DIG THAT.
NOW, THIS COUPON WILL SAVE YOU 25
CENTS ON MISS B.J.'S COLLARD GREENS.
- JOANNA, GET ME SECURITY, FAST.
- HEY, WELL, HOLD UP JO-JO.
YOU AND YOUR BIG LEGS. [Laughs]
NOT SO FAST, HOME
SHOPPING NETWORK. STOP THAT.
WE'VE BEEN WATCHING THIS LATE NIGHT
THING, AND WE GOT OUR OWN LITTLE DITTY.
I'M GONNA HAVE TO ASK YOU FELLAS TO
LEAVE. AND I'M GONNA HAVE TO ASK YOU...
TO SIT DOWN, HAYSTACKS.
LOOK, I GOT AN IDEA THAT IS SO PHAT,
RICHARD SIMMONS WANTS TO OUTLAW IT.
FINGER-LICKIN' GOOD. YOU CAN GAIN
THREE POUNDS JUST LOOKIN' AT IT.
YOU GUYS HAVE NO
REFERENCES. YOU HAVE NO
EXPERIENCE. WHY WOULD
I EVER GIVE YOU A SHOW?
YOU KNOW, I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT
HAVE SOME DOUBTS, HOME BOX OFFICE.
CAN I CALL YOU HBO? [Laughs]
SO, UH, LOOK HERE.
WE BROUGHT WHAT WE LIKE
TO CALL THE TOP THREE LIST.
HOWARD, WHERE DID I PUT THAT?
YOU GOT IT, HOWARD?
WHOO. B-B-B-BAM! BAM!
[Mutters]
OH, YES. OH, YES.
NOW, STRAIGHT FROM THE
HOME OFFICE OF COMPTON, C-A,
TONIGHT'S TOP THREE LIST.
TOP THREE REASONS WHY YOU
SHOULD GIVE US OUR OWN LATE SHOW.
HERE WE GO. ♪♪
[Imitating Drum Fanfare]
♪♪ [Beatboxing]
NOW, LOOK, IF LITTLE
TOOTIE IS LIVIN' SINGLE,
THEN WHY CAN'T ME AND CLAVELL
BE LIVIN' LARGE? ♪♪ [Imitating Rim Shot]
NUMBER TWO. NUMBER TWO?
♪♪ [Beatboxing]
ARSENIO MAY HAVE A LONG FINGER, BUT
HE AIN'T GOT NO FUNKY FINGER. SAY WHAT?
- YOU HEAR THAT?
- I HEARD THAT.
AND NUMBER THREE.
♪♪ [Beatboxing]
YOUR WIFE WON'T
THINK IT'S TOO NICE...
WHEN SHE FINDS OUT THAT
YOU KNOW HEIDI FLEISS.
- HEY, NOW!
- YOU GUYS ARE INSANE!
WELL, HOLD ON THERE
NOW, HOME IMPROVEMENT.
YOU KNOW, WE HAPPEN
TO HAVE A LITTLE TASTE...
OF WHAT WE LIKE TO CALL
THE SEASON PREMIERE.
- HOWARD?
- WATCH IT! BAM!
NOW, IT'S A CROSS
BETWEEN THE TONIGHT SHOW,
THE TOMORROW SHOW
AND THE TODAY SHOW.
WE LIKE TO CALL IT
YESTERDAY AND THEN SOME MO'.
ALL RIGHT. IS THIS BAD
MAMMER JAMMER ON?
OKAY, WE'RE BACK. [Laughs]
NOW, WE GOT A GREAT
SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.
ANTONIO FARGAS ALL UP
IN THROUGH HERE. [Laughs]
HUGGY BEAR IS IN THE HOUSE.
HUGGY BEAR'S IN THE HOUSE.
YOU HERE ME? ALSO, RODNEY ALLEN
RIPPY AND THE MUSIC OF ROCKWELL.
BROTHER, DID YOU
SEE HIM LAST NIGHT, T.?
MAN WAS OUT THERE ON
THAT TIP. SAY WHAT? [Laughs]
YES INDEED. UH-OH!
UH-OH! [Alarm Blaring]
HOWARD'S WEARING THE BOOTY
CAM! GO, HOWARD! GO, HOWARD!
WITH THE BOOTY CAM. WITH
THE BOOTY CAM. BREAK IT DOWN.
♪♪ [Beatboxing]
ON THE BOOTY CAM. ON THE
BOOTY CAM. AND I'M WAVING.
I'M WAVING... ON THE
BOOTY CAM. HEY, NOW!
WE GOT ANOTHER TAPE
OF STUPID PET TRICKS.
GOT CLAVELL'S FERRET ON
THERE. WEARS A SNAP CAP TOO.
HE'S ALL THAT. HEY, NOW!
IT'S ABOUT TIME! GET
THESE GUYS OUTTA HERE!
SO I GUESS YOU GONNA CALL
THE NUMBER THAT'S ON THE CARD?
HEY, LOOK HERE. CALL MY
AGENT, SIDNEY. IT'S S-I-D-NAY.
OUR JOB WAS SECURITY
GUARD FOR POPEYE'S...
LIVE, LOVE AND LAUGH. SEE
YA NEXT WEEK. PEACE OUT.
♪♪ [Theme]
LADIES, DO YOU LONG
FOR THE PITTER-PATTER...
OF TINY LITTLE FEETS
IN YOUR HOUSE?
ARE YOU WORRIED THAT THE CUCKOO
BIRD IN YOUR BIOGRAPHICAL CLOCK...
HAS STOPPED LAYING EGGS?
I HOPE SO. BUT YOU DON'T HAVE
TO WORRY WHEN YOU LET ME...
KNOCK YOU UP!
THE PLAN IS SIMPLE TO FOLLOW.
CALL ME, LOOMIS,
AND I WILL SEND YOU ONE
OF MY MOTIVATIONAL TAPES...
RECORDED ON THESE HIGH
QUALITY EIGHT-TRACK CARTRIDGES.
IT'LL GET YOU IN THE MOOD FOR ONE
OF OUR ROMANTICAL ENCOUNTERS.
LET'S LISTEN. ♪♪ [Romantic]
MY CHÉRI "AMOIVRA."
THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE!
AIN'T NO MAN IN HIS
RIGHT MIND WANT YOU!
YOUR OVARIES AIN'T NO
GOOD. THEY LOOK LIKE RAISINS.
LOOMIS IS THE MAN.
LOOMIS IS THE MAN.
LOOMIS IS THE MANNN!
MMM!
DON'T THAT JUST MAKE
YOUR NATURE RISE?
NEXT, I, LOOMIS SIMMONS, WILL
COME UP IN THROUGH YOUR CRIB...
AND INTRODUCE YA TO MY PARTNER.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKIN' ABOUT?
MAYBE TWO OR THREE
TIMES IF NECESSARY.
NOW, YOU MAY
THINK, "BUT, LOOMIS,
I'M TOO BUTT UGLY FOR EVEN
YOU TO WANT TO KNOCK ME UP."
AND YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT.
BUT WHEN I GENTLY APPLY...
MY SPECIAL BEAUTY
ENHANCER OVER YOUR MUG,
EVEN I CAN GET THE JOB DONE.
AND DON'T FORGET LOOMIS'S
NO-RETURN GUARANTEE.
AS SOON AS YOU DROP THAT
CALF, I AIN'T COMIN' BACK.
LET'S LISTEN TO ONE OF
MY SATISFIED CUSTOMERS.
MY WIFE AND I WANTED
TO START A FAMILY,
BUT OUR SCHEDULES ALWAYS SEEMED
TO CONFLICT, SO WE CALLED LOOMIS.
NOW WE'RE ONE BIG HAPPY FAMILY.
THANK YOU, LOOMISESES.
SO DO WHAT THOUSANDS OF
OTHER HARD UP HEIFERS HAVE DONE.
CALL 1-900-K-N-O-C-K-UP TODAY,
AND BEFORE YOU KNOW IT, YOU'LL BE
CARRYIN' YOUR OWN BUNDLE OF JOY...
OR AS I, LOOMIS, LIKE TO
CALL IT, "A FRUIT OF LOOMIS"...
WHEN YOU LET ME KNOCK YOU UP!
- [Laughing]
- ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN WALK ON THE
MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪
♪ YOU SEE, IT'S NEVER TOO
LATE AND IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪
- ♪ TAKE IT FROM ME
IT'S A'IGHT TO BE ♪
- HI-YAH!
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ AND HOW WOULD YA... HOW
WOULD YA... HOW WOULD YA F... ♪
♪ HOW WOULD YOU FEEL KNOWING
PREJUDICE WAS OBSOLETE ♪
♪ AND ALL MANKIND
DANCED TO THE EXACT BEAT ♪
[Echoing] ♪ AND AT NIGHT IT WAS
SAFE TO WALK DOWN THE STREET ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WAN...
WAN... ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WAN...
WAN... WAN... ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WAN...
WAN... ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WAN...
WAN... WAN... ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
[Turntable Scratching]
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪♪
[Laughing]
[Announcer] AND NOW A WORD
FROM THE CORLICK SISTERS.
ACTUALLY, THIS COMMERCIAL IS
MEANT TO SERVE AS AN APOLOGY.
RIGHT. BELIEVE IT OR NOT,
THEY'VE HAD SOME COMPLAINTS...
FROM SOME OF THE BLACK
CUSTOMERS HERE AT LENNY'S.
THAT'S "DENY'S." OH.
AND YOU BLACK PEOPLE, I REALIZE
THAT WHOLE SLAVERY THING...
MIGHT HAVE BEEN A
LITTLE UNPLEASANT.
OH, IT'S A DARN SHAME. BUT WE'RE
NOT HERE TO CHANGE THE WORLD.
MY, MY, NO. WE'RE
JUST HERE TO SERVE...
THE KIND OF FOOD WEIRDOS
AND INSOMNIACS LOVE TO EAT.
AND ANY OTHER RELIGION.
MAKES NO DIFFERENCE TO US.
OH, YOU ARE A MORON! WE'RE
THROUGH TALKING ABOUT RELIGION.
LET'S TALK ABOUT ALL THE
NEW BLACK PEOPLE WE BOUGHT.
YOU MEAN "HIRED"! PEOPLE
USED TO COMPLAIN... YEAH.
THERE WAS ONLY ONE BLACK GUY WORKING
HERE, AND HE WAS MOPPING THE FLOORS.
NOW WE HAVE FOUR GUYS MOPPING THE
FLOOR, AND WE'VE CHANGED OUR VENUE.
THAT'S "CHANGE OF MENU." RIGHT.
WE SERVE THE SAME FOOD
FULL OF FLAVOR AND GERITOL.
THAT'S "CHOLESTEROL"!
THAT'S RIGHT.
AND WE'VE GIVEN OUR NEW NAME TO
APPEAL TO AFRICANS AND FARRAKHAN.
OH, THAT'S "AFRICAN-AMERICAN"!
OKAY, SMARTY-PANTS.
LET'S TALK ABOUT
THE BIBS. THAT'S "RIBS."
JUST LOOK AT OUR NEW
"BABY'S GOT BACK" RIBS.
OH, GOD, THIS SUCKS!
THAT'S NOT ALL THAT SUCKS.
THERE'S ALSO OUR SPECIAL
DRIVE-BY BREAKFAST.
I JUST LOVE THOSE
DEAD PIGS IN A BLANKET.
AND BE SURE TO TRY OUR ALL
NEW GRAND SLAMBO DINNERS.
AND WE'VE ADDED EXTRA
WATERMELON TO OUR STOLEN CAR.
THAT'S THE "SALAD
BAR"! EAT UP, HOUSE FLY.
THAT'S "HOMEBOY"!
[Announcer] DENY'S... WHERE BLACK
MONEY IS AS WELCOME AS ANYBODY'S.
♪ MMM ♪
♪ WE BACK UP IN THIS PLACE ♪
♪ YO, YO, YO ♪
♪ I DON'T KNOW ABOUT
YOU BUT I'M A-RAISE IT UP ♪
♪ SOME OF THE OLD SCHOOL
PLAYAS GONNA RAISE IT UP ♪
♪ AND WE DON'T STOP ROCKIN' ♪
♪ WE KEEP ON POPPIN'
WE AIN'T PLAYIN' ♪
♪ I DON'T KNOW ABOUT
YOU BUT I'M A RAISE IT UP ♪
♪ ALL THE OLD SCHOOL
PLAYAS GONNA RAISE IT UP ♪
♪ AND WE DON'T STOP ROCKIN' ♪
♪ WE KEEP ON POPPIN'
WE AIN'T PLAYIN' ♪
♪ I DON'T KNOW ABOUT
YOU BUT I'M A-RAISE IT UP ♪
♪ ALL THE OLD SCHOOL
PLAYAS GONNA RAISE IT UP ♪
♪ AND WE DON'T STOP ROCKIN' ♪
♪ WE KEEP ON POPPIN'
WE AIN'T PLAYIN' ♪♪
[Announcer] NOW, FROM THE
DIRECTOR OF BOYS IN THE HOOD...
COMES A FILM STARRING
JANET JACKSON...
AS A SINGER WHO SHOULDN'T
TRY TO DO MOVIES...
AND TUPAC AS A RAPPER
WHOSE MOTHER NAMED HIM...
HIM AFTER A CHEAP WAY
TO BUY TOILET PAPER.
THEY WERE BOTH LOOKING
FOR A LITTLE UNPOETIC JUSTICE.
YEAH, CHICAGO, HE FINE.
THERE HE IS. ISN'T HE CUTE?
GIRL, YOU NEED TO ROLL
UP TO OAKTOWN WITH US.
GIRL, YOU TRIPPIN'. JANET JACKSON
DON'T RIDE IN NO MAIL TRUCK.
[Scoffs] HOW LONG YOU
BEEN DOIN' HAIR ANYWAY?
[Thinking] I DON'T DO HAIR. I MAKE
UP POEMS AND SAY THEM TO MYSELF.
TODAY, THIS MOVIE OPENS.
TOMORROW, THE VIDEO SHELF.
GIRL, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?
HEY, BABY. DAMN,
THEM JEANS IS TIGHT!
[Thinking] TIGHT. MY
JEANS ARE TOO TIGHT.
IT TAKES FOUR PEOPLE TO
PULL THEM OFF ME AT NIGHT.
LET'S CUT THE BULL.
I KNOW WHAT YOU REALLY WANT.
WHAT I REALLY WANNA KNOW IS,
WHAT YOU DOIN' IN THIS MOVIE...
WHEN YOU'VE NEVER BEEN TO THE
HOOD A DAY IN YOUR LIFE, UNDERSTAND ME?
[Thinking] I DO NOT LIKE
BEING IN THE HOOD.
I DO NOT LIKE IT,
THOUGH I SHOULD.
I DO NOT LIKE GREEN
EGGS AND HAM.
I DO NOT LIKE THEM, SAM I AM.
TELL ME, BABY, HOW YOU
GET A NAME LIKE JUSTICE?
IT'S A LONG STORY. HEY
Y'ALL, I JUST REMEMBERED.
THIS IS A JOHN SINGLETON
MOVIE! OH, YEAH.
BLEEP YOU! WELL, BLEEP YOU!
WELL, BEEP YOU! WELL,
BEEP, BLEEP, BLEEP, BLEEP!
WELL, BLEEP, BLEEP, BLEEP, BLEEP
YOU! WELL, BEEP, BLEEP, THEN...
BLEEPY BLEEP, BLEEP!
NOW THAT THE CURSING'S OVER,
IT'S TIME TO HEAR SOME MORE VOICES.
[Man's Voice Speaking
Spanish In Janet's Head]
[Translating] WHERE
IS THE LIBRARY?
WHY COULDN'T I GET WHITNEY'S
ROLE IN THE BODYGUARD?
OH! OH, YOU TOO GOOD FOR US NOW!
[Man's Voice] ATTENTION
KMART SHOPPERS.
WE HAVE A BLUE-LIGHT
SPECIAL ON AISLE 3.
NOW AVAILABLE, VIDEO COPIES OF
JOHN SINGLETON'S POETIC JUSTICE.
JUST 3.99. WAIT A
SECOND. MAKE THAT 1.99.
[Announcer] UNPOETIC JUSTICE.
IT'S NOT JUST A
MOVIE, IT'S A... A-A-A...
WE DON'T KNOW
WHAT THE HELL IT IS.
SOME OF YOU ARE STUNNED BY THOMAS HEARNS'S
CHOICE OF A CHALLENGER FOR HIS COMEBACK.
HIS OPPONENT, A VIRTUAL UNKNOWN BY
THE NAME OF CARL "THE TOOTH" WILLIAMS,
UNRANKED BY THE W.B.A., THE
W.B.C., THE I.B.F. AND THE W.B.F.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
CARL "THE TOOTH" WILLIAMS.
[Reporters Shouting Questions]
TOOTH, WHERE WERE
YOU BORN, TOOTH?
BASICALLY, I WAS
BORN THOUGH IN C.P.T.
UH, MR. WILLIAMS, WHAT WOULD
YOU SAY TO THOSE WHO CONTEND...
THAT YOU'RE COMPLETELY
OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE...
AND NO MATCH FOR MR. "HITMAN,"
THOMAS HEARNS OR SOMETHIN'?
WELL, I THINK THEY SHOULD
READ THE PARAPHERNALIA.
- WELL, WHAT ABOUT YOUR RECORD?
- MY RECORD SPEAKS FOR ITSELF.
UH, TOOTH, YOUR
RECORD IS 0 AND 217.
YEAH, BUT I'M CLOSING
IN FAST ON THAT NUMBER.
BUT, UH, LIKE I SAID, MY
RECORD SPEAKS FOR ITSELF,
BUT IT DON'T NECESSARILY
SPEAK FOR MYSELF.
WHATEVER I HAD SAID.
AND, ANYWAY, I GOT NEW
TECHNIQUES RIGHT NOW.
- AH, TRAINING TECHNIQUES?
- NO, ACTUALLY,
I GOT NEW BRUSHIN' TECHNIQUES.
SEE, I FEEL THAT A CLEAN
TOOFUS IS A HAPPY TOOFUS.
TOOTH, I'VE GOT A
QUESTION FOR YOU.
WHAT WOULD YOU SAY
THAT MUHAMMAD ALI,
JOE FRAZIER AND GEORGE
FOREMAN ALL HAVE IN COMMON?
UH, BASICALLY, UH,
THEY ALL KICKED MY ASS.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, TOMMY
HEARNS IS ENTERING THE BUILDING NOW!
- WHERE HE AT? WHERE HE AT?
- ♪♪ [Hip-Hop]
UH, MR. HEARNS...
[Female Reporter] TOOTH,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I'M STARING HIM DOWN.
I'M GETTING INTO HIS HEAD.
- BUT THAT'S HIS MANAGER.
- OH, SAY, YEAH, I KNEW THAT. I KNEW THAT.
UH, MR. HEARNS... MR. HEARNS,
CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION?
THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO
THINK THAT CARL "THE TOOTH" WILLIAMS...
POSES NO DANGER TO YOUR TITLE.
WELL, THAT'S NOT TRUE. EVERY
BONE IN HIS BODY HAS BEEN BROKEN,
SO THAT MAKES HIM FLEXIBLE.
TOOTH, YOU'VE GOTTA FEEL LIKE YOU'RE
PRETTY MUCH COMPLETELY OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE.
WELL, YOU KNOW, BASICALLY,
THAT'S WHAT THEY HAD SAID...
WHEN I FOUGHT SUGAR
RAY LEONARD AND CHAVEZ.
RIGHT. AND SUGAR RAY LEONARD
BROKE YOUR SPINE AND YOUR JAW...
AND KNOCKED YOU
OUT IN 12 SECONDS.
WELL, HE DID, BUT A LOT
OF PEOPLE DIDN'T REPORT...
THAT I WAS BACK ON SOLID
FOODS WITHIN 10 WEEKS.
TOOTH, WHOM DO YOU
CREDIT YOUR SUCCESS TO?
I CREDIT ALL MY SUCCESS
TO THE MAN UPSTAIRS.
- GOD?
- NO, MR. JOHNSON IN 2-B.
HE USED TO RUN ME DOWN
TO THE GYM EVERY DAY.
AND I ALSO GIVE IT UP TO
MY MAMA. COME ON OUT, MOM!
M-M-MRS. WILLIAMS!
[Reporters Shouting]
JUST CALL ME "GUMS."
OH. OH, LISTEN, SON, YOU
FORGOT YOUR TOOTH PROTECTOR.
THERE YOU GO, BABY.
THANK YOU. AH. AH.
THERE YOU GO. [Male
Reporter] UH, MRS., UH...
MRS. GUMS, WHAT WAS IT LIKE
BRINGING UP, UH, YOUR... YOUR SON?
I REMEMBER THE VERY
FIRST DAY OF SECOND GRADE.
HE COME HOME, HIS
EYE ALL SWOLL UP SHUT.
AND HE JUST KEPT SAYIN', "CUT
ME, MOMMY. CUT ME, MOMMY."
HE WAS SO CUTE. YOU KNOW, WE DIDN'T
HAVE MUCH MONEY BACK IN THEM DAYS,
BUT LUCKILY, IT SEEMED LIKE THE TOOTH
FAIRY WOULD BE THERE EVERY OTHER DAY.
MM-HMM. MM-HMM. YEAH, AND
BASICALLY, AS MOM HAD REITERATED,
I WAS TRYIN' TO... DON'T
INTERRUPT YOUR MAMA!
[Groaning]
THAT WAS A CHEAP SHOT, 'CAUSE
IT WAS AFTER THE BELL HAD RANG.
I FEEL I WILL REGAIN MY TITLE.
BUT AFTER THAT FALLING DOWN, I
FEEL LIKE I'M KINDA WARMED UP NOW.
LOOK OUT! [Laughs]
YOU WARMED UP, HUH? COME
ON. I GOT SOMETHING FOR YOU.
YOU FALL TO ALL THE
CONTENDERS FROM TYSON TO ALI,
BUT, BOY, YOU MUST BE CRAZY
TO STEP INTO THE RING WITH ME.
[Groans] WHOA!
I GOT YOUR BACK, SON. DON'T
WORRY. DON'T... HEY, HEY!
HOLD ON. IT WASN'T LIKE
THAT. YOU GOTTA UNDERSTAND.
LISTEN TO ME. LISTEN TO ME. LET ME
TALK TO YOU. I WANNA TALK TO YOU.
OH, I DON'T BELIEVE IT!
THE TOOTH'S MOM HAS JUST
KNOCKED OUT TOMMY "HITMAN" HEARNS!
[Reporters Shouting]
YES, SIR, I UNDERSTAND
COMPLETELY.
I ASSURE YOU, SIR. WE ARE
GONNA FIND A NEW HIT SHOW.
WE'LL HAVE THIS NETWORK BACK
ON TOP IN-IN NO TIME, ALL RIGHT?
I PROMISE. I GUARANTEE IT.
ALL RIGHT. YES, SIR. I
UNDERSTAND. GOOD-BYE, SIR.
[Sighs] WHERE AM I GONNA
FIND A HIT SHOW? [Whirring]
♪♪ [Both Singing, Indistinct]
PARDON ME, HOME SKILLET.
DID I HEAR TELL SOMEONE
MENTION A HIT SHOW?
DIG THAT, 'CAUSE WE DOWN WITH
THAT, MAN. WHO THE HELL ARE YOU GUYS?
I'M GLAD YOU ASKED. MY NAME'S
CLAVELL. AND I AM HOWARD TIBBS III.
[Together] AND WE ARE
FUNKY FINGER PRODUCTIONS.
I BELIEVE ME AND YOU MET
AT THE RICKY JAMES TRIAL.
DIG IT. AND THE
COURTROOM WAS SMOKIN'.
LOOK HERE. BEFORE
WE GO ANY FURTHER,
ANYBODY EVER TELL YOU YOU
LOOK LIKE A SWOLLEN TOM CRUISE?
DON'T HE? ALL UP HERE. LET
ME GIVE YOU ONE OF MY CARDS.
YOU KNOW, I'M FRESH OUT. HOWARD.
BAM! LOOK OUT.
NOW, THE NUMBER ON
THE BACK IS OURS. DIG THAT.
NOW, THIS COUPON WILL SAVE YOU 25
CENTS ON MISS B.J.'S COLLARD GREENS.
- JOANNA, GET ME SECURITY, FAST.
- HEY, WELL, HOLD UP JO-JO.
YOU AND YOUR BIG LEGS. [Laughs]
NOT SO FAST, HOME
SHOPPING NETWORK. STOP THAT.
WE'VE BEEN WATCHING THIS LATE NIGHT
THING, AND WE GOT OUR OWN LITTLE DITTY.
I'M GONNA HAVE TO ASK YOU FELLAS TO
LEAVE. AND I'M GONNA HAVE TO ASK YOU...
TO SIT DOWN, HAYSTACKS.
LOOK, I GOT AN IDEA THAT IS SO PHAT,
RICHARD SIMMONS WANTS TO OUTLAW IT.
FINGER-LICKIN' GOOD. YOU CAN GAIN
THREE POUNDS JUST LOOKIN' AT IT.
YOU GUYS HAVE NO
REFERENCES. YOU HAVE NO
EXPERIENCE. WHY WOULD
I EVER GIVE YOU A SHOW?
YOU KNOW, I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT
HAVE SOME DOUBTS, HOME BOX OFFICE.
CAN I CALL YOU HBO? [Laughs]
SO, UH, LOOK HERE.
WE BROUGHT WHAT WE LIKE
TO CALL THE TOP THREE LIST.
HOWARD, WHERE DID I PUT THAT?
YOU GOT IT, HOWARD?
WHOO. B-B-B-BAM! BAM!
[Mutters]
OH, YES. OH, YES.
NOW, STRAIGHT FROM THE
HOME OFFICE OF COMPTON, C-A,
TONIGHT'S TOP THREE LIST.
TOP THREE REASONS WHY YOU
SHOULD GIVE US OUR OWN LATE SHOW.
HERE WE GO. ♪♪
[Imitating Drum Fanfare]
♪♪ [Beatboxing]
NOW, LOOK, IF LITTLE
TOOTIE IS LIVIN' SINGLE,
THEN WHY CAN'T ME AND CLAVELL
BE LIVIN' LARGE? ♪♪ [Imitating Rim Shot]
NUMBER TWO. NUMBER TWO?
♪♪ [Beatboxing]
ARSENIO MAY HAVE A LONG FINGER, BUT
HE AIN'T GOT NO FUNKY FINGER. SAY WHAT?
- YOU HEAR THAT?
- I HEARD THAT.
AND NUMBER THREE.
♪♪ [Beatboxing]
YOUR WIFE WON'T
THINK IT'S TOO NICE...
WHEN SHE FINDS OUT THAT
YOU KNOW HEIDI FLEISS.
- HEY, NOW!
- YOU GUYS ARE INSANE!
WELL, HOLD ON THERE
NOW, HOME IMPROVEMENT.
YOU KNOW, WE HAPPEN
TO HAVE A LITTLE TASTE...
OF WHAT WE LIKE TO CALL
THE SEASON PREMIERE.
- HOWARD?
- WATCH IT! BAM!
NOW, IT'S A CROSS
BETWEEN THE TONIGHT SHOW,
THE TOMORROW SHOW
AND THE TODAY SHOW.
WE LIKE TO CALL IT
YESTERDAY AND THEN SOME MO'.
ALL RIGHT. IS THIS BAD
MAMMER JAMMER ON?
OKAY, WE'RE BACK. [Laughs]
NOW, WE GOT A GREAT
SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.
ANTONIO FARGAS ALL UP
IN THROUGH HERE. [Laughs]
HUGGY BEAR IS IN THE HOUSE.
HUGGY BEAR'S IN THE HOUSE.
YOU HERE ME? ALSO, RODNEY ALLEN
RIPPY AND THE MUSIC OF ROCKWELL.
BROTHER, DID YOU
SEE HIM LAST NIGHT, T.?
MAN WAS OUT THERE ON
THAT TIP. SAY WHAT? [Laughs]
YES INDEED. UH-OH!
UH-OH! [Alarm Blaring]
HOWARD'S WEARING THE BOOTY
CAM! GO, HOWARD! GO, HOWARD!
WITH THE BOOTY CAM. WITH
THE BOOTY CAM. BREAK IT DOWN.
♪♪ [Beatboxing]
ON THE BOOTY CAM. ON THE
BOOTY CAM. AND I'M WAVING.
I'M WAVING... ON THE
BOOTY CAM. HEY, NOW!
WE GOT ANOTHER TAPE
OF STUPID PET TRICKS.
GOT CLAVELL'S FERRET ON
THERE. WEARS A SNAP CAP TOO.
HE'S ALL THAT. HEY, NOW!
IT'S ABOUT TIME! GET
THESE GUYS OUTTA HERE!
SO I GUESS YOU GONNA CALL
THE NUMBER THAT'S ON THE CARD?
HEY, LOOK HERE. CALL MY
AGENT, SIDNEY. IT'S S-I-D-NAY.
OUR JOB WAS SECURITY
GUARD FOR POPEYE'S...
LIVE, LOVE AND LAUGH. SEE
YA NEXT WEEK. PEACE OUT.
♪♪ [Theme]